Theme Park Review's 2008 Asia Tour!

[dandaman]

 

Holy crap, they even built an exact Maxair clone! ("Giant Frisbee")

[Guy T. Koepp]

Awesome update! It looks as if you all are having a great time. I did a little orgiastic screaming of my own last nite. No coasters were involved.

 

Guy "You do the math!" Koepp

[Erik Johnson]

Are the extremely generic names just translated that way for English, or are they really that lame even to the Chinese?

 

Yes, even in Chinese the coasters names are just as generic.

 

For the 10 inversion coaster the chinese name is:

Shi(4) Huan(2) Guo(4) Shan(1) Che(1)

 

Shi(4) 10

Huan(2) Hoop

Guo(4) Shan(1) Che(1) Through or over a mountain cart (roller coaster).

 

So in chinese it means: 10 Hoop/Loop Coaster

[Supernatural Anaesthetist]

Great TR as usual! Those parks look like a blast! KidTums looks like she's having an awesome time! I think she's going to have more frequent flier miles racked up by age 3 than I'll have in my entire lifetime!

 

Speaking of KidTums becoming this year's Zombie Baby, I had to post this video I snagged two years ago for a haunted house in the Columbus, Ohio area. KidTums could take some lessons from this kid! I never made it down to see if this haunt was any good or not, but I still find this video disturbingly amusing ever time I watch it...

 

Hope everyone is having an orgiastic time!

zombiechild.wmv

Zombie Child Video

[BarryH]

I am loving the photos! I think the most creative ride name in Chimelong Paradise was "Flying Tigers." The ride names put Nagashima Spaland to shame!

 

I did not take a TPR trip this year due to new job issues. I am forever kicking myself after looking at all these photos. I have learned my lesson...go on a TPR trip. Now I know...and knowing is half the battle!

 

 

Gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjoooooooooooooooooooooooooeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

[Speeddeamon128]

Awesome update! That park looked like fun.

[MixedDrink]

I don't even consider halfpipes as a coaster,

more of a recreation of the old ghetto Shwarzkopf swinging ships.

[disneygurlz2s]

I need to do some orgiastic screaming. Or go on a TPR trip. Or both.

 

All you fun-having people tick me off! JK!! You all look like you are having a blast and I am sure I speak for many when I say "Wish I was there".

[gmoney422]

I could've sworn I saw this exact same mantra posted at Holiday World last year. Although, I did see Pat Koch trying to swipe Skip's self-esteem when he wasn't looking...!

 

[hipbrianhop]

Those sings are really funny, take your private thing with you when leaving!

Like I would leave it there! They really need a new translator for the park. The coasters are looking awsome, but I'm a bit dissapoined that there was no theming at all. I would love to ride halfpipe someday! Great TR

[robbalvey]

Today was kind of a "Credit Whore Day" that started out at a really nice park!

 

Our first stop was Mysterious Island in Zhuhai. A nice little park with two coasters, one of them being an Intamin launched that while small in size, really kicked ass!

 

We then headed on to Pearl Land also in Zhuhai which was a nice park, nothing amazing, but overall a good place to pick up 4 random coaster credits.

 

And then we ended our night with a small park called Amazing World we tried to go to last night, but was closed due to rain. Since it was not very far out of the way back to our hotel we decided to hit it again and tonight we were in luck! It's a mostly indoor place with a few outdoor rides much like Toverland! There was a custom Vekoma Roller Skater here (again, just like Toverland) and to some there was even a total of four credits!

 

Now some pictures....

This version is a custom one and it's really tall and very long. It's mostly indoors, but has a partial outdoor section.

Next we went over to Amazing World which is inside the South China Mall...it's a giant indoor park with a Vekoma Roller Skater, much like Toverland.

Group Photo with random stautes!

"MOMMY! GET THESE GIANT UNIDENTIFIABLE ANIMAL STATUES AWAY FROM ME!!!"

A Bag-o-Cubed Meat! Yummy!

And then yeah, you are pretty much screaming in pain the whole time. Note that this *looks* like an Arrow/Vekoma looper, but it's just another Chinese knock off.

It starts off with a pre-drop helix like Great Bear.

This was called "Pearl Land's Screaming Loop."

This is a world that Jahan knows nothing about!

I'm CRRRAAAAAZZ Hippie-huggin-gonna-give-you-a-big-ass-splinter Tree Monster...gimme some spandex!

The "Jungle Mouse" was quite twisty. I'm not sure I've ever seen a mouse with THAT many turns.

"Hey Chris, is that a REAL space shuttle?"

You dirty, dirty whore!

She loved it!

KidTums is all "C'mon mommy, do I *really* need to be riding all these Chinese death traps?"

Next up was the kiddie...strange looking, but VERY smooth!

David found a relative!

It actually was a lot of fun!

The first coaster "Jet Coaster" had some bizarre looking trains.

Last time I checked "Crazy Horse" meant "strip club" so this place is "OK" by me!

Now we are at Pearl Land...it was a little ghetto, but overall nice. By far not the worst park we visited on the trip.

The road to Pearl Land was almost like a credit in itself.

Overall Mysterious Island was a really NICE park! Some great rides, good landscaping and theming. The park is only a few years old so as it fills it in should be even better!

NO SEA SHELLS!!!

What's the one thing I like the best about mermaids in China?

Is David's heart attack from the coaster or the 14th hamburger? You decide!

The gimmick is you go in a straight line, then you flip upside down...rinse, repeat. It's rough, borning and pointless.

Next up was the Screamin' Squirrel...this coaster was not quite as good as the Intamin.

Sky Car + foliage.

And yes that bunny hop has some great airtime!

LOOP -DE- LOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!

All I see is trees and bush! (I like bush!)

It basically has Storm Runner's top hat, although a little shrunk down.

Everyone ready to ride?

Track through the loop is like Coaster Porn.

We arrive at the park about an hour before the public was allowed in. The Intamin Launch (called Sky Car) looks small, but man it was GREAT!

We started at Mysterious Island...a little damp, but we were here for some filming so they would open the coasters for us anyway!

"We're not worthy! We're not worthy!"

 

Next up...more credit whore parks tomorrow!

We ended the night with a takeover at McDonalds.

"Hi, my name is Bob and I *am* ...sad and pathetic!"

It's this kiddie spinning thing that moves along the track and is powered by drive tires. I can see some people counting this for sure, but for me, heck, I didn't even bother to ride them!

This thing is almost more of a credit...

Or 12 credits for Jeff since each car has 6 seats.

"That's right bitches this is TWO credits!!!"

This thing even had two tracks side by side.

For those REAL Jeff Johnson credit whores there were a few other rides here that could be counted as a coaster with some stretch of the imagination.

Since this place wasn't on the original itinerary it was a BONUS CREDIT!!!

Edited June 22, 2020 by robbalvey

[TheRealTinkerbell]

OMG Kidtums is just WAY too cute. She's MADE for the camera! You should put her in modeling for like...catalogs or something ya know! She's just so photogenic!

How old is that park with the Intamin Launch? It looks pretty sweet!

[mash80]

Great updates, awesome pictures and captions as always! Thanks for taking the time out to do these Robb, it is really appreciated. Especially for parks like these which I'm sure many of us have never seen/ heard of before.

 

Looks like you're having a great time so far and riding some great coasters. I think my favourite part about all of your far east TR's has to be the translations, they are almost 'Orgiastic'! Also, as others have said, Kidtums is so photogenic. The two pictures of her on the kiddie ride at Pearl Land are my favourite pictures of her yet, just love her expressions, sooo cute.

 

Hope the awesomeness continues for you all out there and I look forward to the future updates.

[Kennyweird]

I wonder which is worse, a real Vekoma, or a Chinese knock-off?

[Speeddeamon128]

Great update that Intamin does look fun.

[TheRapidsNerd]

Another great update and the JJ credit system never dissappoints. Man, some of those indoor rides really looked fun, even the tire drive spinner. Very cool!

Great group pic. And dude with Coolie hat is most fortunate.

[coasterdude5]

Very nice! Those disko-like rides at the mall look like they would be some awesome backyard rides!

[Ryancrash]

Pearl Land? Is that like, um, a pearl necklace?

 

That bag-o-cubed meat looks pretty darn tasty. I hope the rest of your trip continues to be an orgiastic affair!

[Big Mike]

Just read the whole update!

 

Here are some of Big Mike's views:

 

 

KidTums is soooooo adorable, I miss hanging out wth her.

 

Elissa is looking very beautiful!

 

I enjoy Dave and his cat in every group picture.

 

Best of all, Robb Dude, you are on fire with these captions! Report after report of brilliant and hilarious captions! Your unstoppable!

 

 

I am very pleased and content knowing that I have many many many future years of TPR trips to look forward to and hitting these parks somewhere down the road thanks to the awesome Alveys!

 

Love ya dude, Big Mike

[philthephorce]

Great TR, but a question:

 

If "track through a loop is like coaster porn, would Loch Ness Monster at BGE be like girl/ girl action?"

[HerBlackWings]

Is that ALL Jeff Johnson?!!?

 

"Depends".....

[Mr. Starr]

Great TR, but a question:

 

If "track through a loop is like coaster porn, would Loch Ness Monster at BGE be like girl/ girl action?"

 

Two girls one cup?! (Vomits in mouth)

[yankees15]

I have always thought Skycar looked like one of the BEST intamin rocket coasters. Finally seeing some quality pictures of it was great! This trip just looks like its so much fun!

[robbalvey]

Today was another day of many parks! We first started out at Happy Valley in Shenzhen which was another awesome park! I never imaged we would encounter such amazing looking parks in China. Seriously, the Happy Valley parks are nicer than 80% of USA parks. The only thing that have lacking is the operations are a bit odd, but I think it has more to do with how the local culture navigates through the parks.

 

I think I may have even liked this park better than the one in Beijing, but without the B&M flyer the ride selection wasn't quite as good.

 

Next we visited Honey Lake Park. This was a strange, STRANGE place. When researching all these parks we were told that Honey Lake is basically on death row. Half of the park now has a new highway running right through it and you can see the old entrance on one side of the road and a defunct old roller coaster on the other.

 

Across the park they have one roller coaster that looked barely operating and a couple other flats that kind of, sort of worked. If you didn't see rides running you would think that this whole park had already been abandoned years ago.

 

Then the final stop for the day was Donghu park. I nice city park with a small amusement section that included two coasters and an alpine slide. Great little park, mostly for kids, but still a lot of fun!

 

Onto some photos...

Tonight we crossed into Hong Kong...tomorrow Ocean Park!

Ed says "Can you eat my breasts first? I was very fond of them and I'd like to share them with you."

"I'm sorry things didn't work out Ed, but man, you made one great meal!"

At dinner had a special guest! Mr. Chicken! Turns out Mr. Chicken's name was "Ed." He had quite an interesting past. He was a gansta rapper than lived in South Central Los Angeles. He didn't run with a very good crowd most of his life. There came a time though where he met a girl and started to turn things around because of her. On the night he was going to propose he went to a party where some of his friends got into a fight with some chinese mobsters. He was told that if he didn't come with them he would never see his woman again. After doing unmentionable acts to some birds living on the street he stood up for his rights and fought to come back to his true love. He almost made it out but was caught right before boarding a crate that would bring him back to Los Angeles. Today he was our dinner...and I gotta say, Ed tasted DAMN GOOD!

Would you like fries or...CORN with that?!?!?

Before dinner we had a "McDonald's Appetizer."

Bob ate poo-poo and now he knows what color his own blood is!

Alpine Slide POV!!!

There was also this really AWESOME Alpine Slide. Not sure how long it is, but this had to be one of the longest I've been on.

She loved it!

Including ride the powered coaster! (Even kidtums got this non-credit!)

It doesn't matter...we are dirty dirty whores and will ride anything!

And yes there is ANOTHER one of these knock off spinning coasters. We think the Chinese government forced all the parks to buy these!

Next up was Donghu park where we DID find kids playing! Donghu is a large city park with a small amusement section and an alpine slide.

The water park seems to be closed at the moment...I think we'll wait it out though as it may be open a bit later.

I don't think many children play here...EVER!

I don't think too many children will be playing today.

The rest of the park had seen MUCH better days!

"Hey Mr. Fish...is that a REAL space shuttle?"

Although for a rusted out dilapidated coaster, it actually ran pretty good!

By the looks of the queue, I don't think this ride sees much love.

The coaster that was open was ALSO rotting away!

This is "Honey Lake" and at first glance it may look really nice. That coaster there is just sitting in the water rotting away. I don't think it's been opened in YEARS.

This park seems to be doing some kind of name change though from Happy Valley to Happy Kingdom. Not sure what that was all about. Anyway on to our next park!

And the mascots in the kids section like to check out their own feces!

There was a lot of meat on sticks...

You can also make Jeff's family tree!

....oh, look! You can make all the weapons you need to conquer the world!

There is an educational section of the park where you can construct items out of wood....

And this awesome kids ride in the "Typhoon Bay" area where you ride in beds and bathtubs!

And the splash down boat was one of the nicest looking we've seen.

The splash battle ride looked great...

Yup, another spinning mouse. Both Happy Valley parks we visited had very similar ride sections, but both were themed totally different.

Welcome Home! *KABLAM* *KABLAM* *KABLAM* F**KERS!!!!

Shoot the elves! Shoot the mother f**king annoying god d**m elves!!!

Here you get to play shoot em up in the kids room!

Wait a second...if this is a dark ride about Christmas and Santa Claus why do they have guns? OMG! It's a shooting dark ride themed to Christmas! This might very well be the BEST DARK RIDE IN THE WORLD!!!!

Oh, look! They have a dark ride here themed to Santa Claus. How nice!

In the shops you are encouraged to buy your kids machine guns.

They also had one of those "Fire Academy" rides from Legoland, but this one you had to put out the fire on the...um...CRASHED PLANE?!?!

"This is the proper riding position for the Punching Bee coaster."

The Chinese knock off Wacky Worm with the punching bee.

And once again, everything here was pretty well themed.

Yup, they had a Vekoma SLC just like the Beijing Happy Valley. At least aren't the same as every other damn SLC in the world!

Dave wasn't aware that his adult film success had reached China.

It was hot...like human melting hot...thankfully lots of random fountains kept us from dying.

Dude, seriously, how many other mine trains outside of Disney have this much theming?

Some of the areas of the Happy Valley parks rival some of the nicest parks in the USA. This section here reminded me a lot of Fiesta Texas.

Just like the Beijing version, there was a Vekoma mine train, totally crazy themed and different from the other park and a bazillion times nicer than the Hard Rock Park version!

We arrive at Happy Valley Shenzhen where they are celebrating 10 top hats full of sex and hot oil.

[Mickey_079]

Ahh that chicken is odd... Really sickening. Poor Ed

 

You guys are visiting some awesome parks, and not to mention some very ghetto parks

 

Hope the rest of the trip goes great!