Ninjaturtle159 Posted September 19, 2012 Posted September 19, 2012 There are two muffins in the oven. One says "Man it is hot as hell in here!!!!" The other one says "Holy crap a talking Muffin!!!!!"
caffeine_demon Posted October 8, 2012 Posted October 8, 2012 The boss asked me to paint the numbers 1 to 10 on our car parking bays. When I finished he asked "Why is there a number 2 between 5 and 6?" I replies "Sorry, I was desperate, and there was someone in the toilet!" (if anyone doesn't understand, a "number 2" in england is actually a poop!
SmokiesFriend Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 There was a bit of confusion at the store this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she was referring to my credit card. I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions, to us seniors, a little clearer!
SmokiesFriend Posted November 4, 2012 Posted November 4, 2012 Another Good One! Dog Pack Attacks Gator In Florida At times nature can be cruel, but there is also a raw beauty, and even a certain justice manifested within that cruelty. The alligator, one of the oldest and ultimate predators, normally considered the "predator" can still fall victim to implemented 'team work' strategy, made possible due to the tight knit social structure and survival of the pack mentality bred into the canines. See the remarkable photograph below courtesy of Nature Magazine. Note that the Alpha dog has a muzzle hold on the gator preventing it from breathing, while another dog has a hold on the tail to keep it from thrashing. The third dog attacks the soft underbelly of the gator. Not for the squeamish Laughter is good for the soul.. Have a Great Day! Later Gator!!!!!!!
Rollercoaster Rider Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 What's the difference between Human Centipede and Twilight? S*** Happens in Human Centipede
Tanks4me05 Posted November 5, 2012 Posted November 5, 2012 Why should women date engineers more often? Because they're really good at doing ∫ex indefinitely.
theonetheonlyJT Posted December 4, 2012 Posted December 4, 2012 Chuck Norris and Superman once made a bet on who would win a sparring match between them.The loser had to wear his undies on the outside of his clothes.
LolaEliot Posted January 21, 2013 Posted January 21, 2013 How do you make Helen Keller go crazy? Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
SingleRiderCam Posted January 22, 2013 Posted January 22, 2013 Call of Duty and My Little Pony. There. I just said two jokes right there.
boardwalkbullet91507 Posted February 23, 2013 Posted February 23, 2013 Why did I divide sin(x) by tan(x)? Just cos! Math nerds, get it? I found this online. It definitely goes under the tacky category.
thrillseeker4552 Posted November 28, 2013 Posted November 28, 2013 Okay, mine is a little long. It's mainly a joke for Americans, but others might get it as well. There are 5 people on an airplane that is about to crash, but there are only 4 parachutes. The first person is President Obama. He says, "I am the President of this country, so I must save myself!" He takes a parachute and jumps. Now there are 4 people and 3 parachutes. The next person is Nancy Pelosi. She says, "I'm the smartest lady in America, so I must jump!" She grabs one and jumps. There are now 3 people and 2 parachutes. The next person is a guy who speaks a language nobody understands. He says, "Bdkfjalsjdkalxndjwlsjxnx" and jumps. We are now left with 2 people and 1 parachute. The first person is former President George W. Bush. The other person is an 11-year-old school girl. George says, "I'm the former President of the United States; I will sacrifice myself and let you jump." The school girl then says: "Nah, that's okay. The smartest lady in America took my school bag!"
Nrthwnd Posted November 29, 2013 Posted November 29, 2013 One worm says to another, "You're beautiful - I love you" "Don't be silly" says the other worm, "I'm your other end."
coolkid Posted November 30, 2013 Posted November 30, 2013 What did the bird say after his cage fell apart? "Cheap, cheap!" How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses? Why did the chicken say "Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?" He was studying foreign languages.
gerstlaueringvar Posted December 1, 2013 Posted December 1, 2013 -Would you rather ride Orient Express or Son of Beast if you have a time machine? -Time Machine
Nrthwnd Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 "Hi Dr.Phelps" "Hi Jimmy. Is something wrong with Rusty?" "Um no, but do you do Dog X-rays, Dr.Phelps?" "Yes we do Jimmy, why do you ask?" "Rusty ate my homework. I need proof."
djboss302 Posted April 2, 2014 Posted April 2, 2014 Why did the blonde put two quarters in her ear? Because she wanted to listen to Fifty Cent.
Diamondbacker27 Posted April 3, 2014 Posted April 3, 2014 Okay, mine is a little long. It's mainly a joke for Americans, but others might get it as well. There are 5 people on an airplane that is about to crash, but there are only 4 parachutes. The first person is President Obama. He says, "I am the President of this country, so I must save myself!" He takes a parachute and jumps. Now there are 4 people and 3 parachutes. The next person is Nancy Pelosi. She says, "I'm the smartest lady in America, so I must jump!" She grabs one and jumps. There are now 3 people and 2 parachutes. The next person is a guy who speaks a language nobody understands. He says, "Bdkfjalsjdkalxndjwlsjxnx" and jumps. We are now left with 2 people and 1 parachute. The first person is former President George W. Bush. The other person is an 11-year-old school girl. George says, "I'm the former President of the United States; I will sacrifice myself and let you jump." The school girl then says: "Nah, that's okay. The smartest lady in America took my school bag!" I just lol'd in class and I got in trouble.
Nrthwnd Posted April 18, 2016 Posted April 18, 2016 This just in.... D'oh! Curse you, Sherry Bobbins!
I love pie Posted April 20, 2016 Posted April 20, 2016 How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, ash can't screw in light bulbs. I'm going to hell.
I305forever Posted April 21, 2016 Posted April 21, 2016 ^ Ha. I can top that. Three jews went into a shower. The end.
TheCoasterKid211 Posted April 22, 2016 Posted April 22, 2016 Three jews went into a shower. The end. That's horrible, shame on you.
DoinItForTheFame Posted April 23, 2016 Posted April 23, 2016 How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?None, ash can't screw in light bulbs. I'm going to hell. ^ Ha. I can top that. Three jews went into a shower. The end. These are both so awful... Yet so funny. . . And while we are on the topic of Jews: What's the difference between a Pizza and a Jew??? A Pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. .......... (Looks like I am going to hell too!)
pdcon Posted April 24, 2016 Posted April 24, 2016 On the topic of jews. How many jew can you fit into a vw beetle? 1 in the trunk and 99 in the ash tray.
thrillseeker4552 Posted April 25, 2016 Posted April 25, 2016 On the topic of jews. How many jew can you fit into a vw beetle? 1 in the trunk and 99 in the ash tray. I shouldn't be laughing at this. This is terrible!
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now