DiveMachine Posted August 15, 2010 Share Posted August 15, 2010 Hey, did anyone hear about the new Lebron James version of the Iphone? You have to put it on Vibrate because it has no rings... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajc47 Posted August 15, 2010 Share Posted August 15, 2010 Hey, did anyone hear about the new Lebron James version of the Iphone? You have to put it on Vibrate because it has no ringy dingy ding-a-ling dings... Good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Band-Aid Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 What did the robot say to the centipede? It said "Stop being a centipede", because the robot ain't got no arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manny In England Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 How did the electron get on the bus? He lepton. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cobra_roll06 Posted August 16, 2010 Share Posted August 16, 2010 ^Science jokes! <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emiroo Posted August 19, 2010 Share Posted August 19, 2010 Knock-Knock. Who's There? 9/11. 9/11 Who? (In tearful voice) You said you'd never forget! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
phantomfan93 Posted August 19, 2010 Share Posted August 19, 2010 A blonde, brunette, and a red head are all on there way to heaven. God says to make it you'll have to climb 100 steps and every 10 steps God tells a joke. If any of them laughs on any of the jokes they fall to the other place. The brunette goes first and makes it to the 20th step, laughs and falls. The redhead makes it to the 40th step, laughs and falls. The blonde makes it to the 99th step and laughs. God asks "Why are you laughing now?" The blonde answers "Because I finally got the first joke!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dammie16@vt.edu Posted August 25, 2010 Share Posted August 25, 2010 A medieval man finds an elite tribe and asks to become a member. He is told he must pass 4 trials. First he must cross a bed of hot coals, then sit at a table and drink a pot of spirits in one go, after that he must enter the nearby cave and remove a tooth from a lion, finally he must go into town and sleep with the ugliest woman there. So he takes off across the bed of coals and makes it just fine. He sits down and swigs down the spirits like a champion! Afterwards he stumbles into the cave. After a few hours of hearing growling, scratching and outright horrid noises and fearing the worst, the man stumbles out of the cave and proudly proclaims, "Alright now wheres the wench with the toothache!" ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Philosophy joke! If a tree falls in the forest and kills a woman....WHAT THE F*** WAS THE FOREST DOING IN THE KITCHEN!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjune4991 Posted August 26, 2010 Share Posted August 26, 2010 A man goes into a bar with a giraffe. They start drinking heavily and the giraffe passes out on the ground. The man pays his tab and starts to leave the bar. The bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' here." And the man responds, "That's no lion, that's a giraffe!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Band-Aid Posted August 27, 2010 Share Posted August 27, 2010 A horse walks into a bar. The bartender then realizes that a horse has just entered his bar and quickly escorts it out, because the horse does not have any money and therefore cannot drink alcohol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
154bmag Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 A man wakes up and see's his girlfriend all dressed up with her suitcases packed. The man says "Where are you going? She says "I'm leaving you, I heard you were a pedophile" He says "Pedophile? That's a big word for a 12 year old" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoCalCoasters Posted October 1, 2011 Share Posted October 1, 2011 An Irishman walks out of a bar. I'm Irish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
accelerate Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 A man goes into a bar and sees that a gorilla is the bartender. He sits there and stares at the gorilla, confussed. Finally, the gorilla asks, "What is it, have you never seen a gorrilla tend a bar before?" The man responds, "No, I just never thought that the girrafe would sell the place." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MayTheGForceBeWithYou Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I was talking to my girlfriend the other day, and she said "Come on over; there's nobody home." I went over, and there was nobody home! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammmmmy Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Say to someone: Hey I heard this guy said you sound like an owl They say: whoooooo? (lols ensue) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thunderhead Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 The 0-5 Colts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomman295 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 Two blondes walk into an office building. You think one of them would have seen it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imawesome1124 Posted October 13, 2011 Share Posted October 13, 2011 What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a lightbulb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gisco Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and blue? A penguin rolling down the stairs! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kcsteve Posted October 20, 2011 Share Posted October 20, 2011 A slug was assaulted by a turtle. At the trial, the lawyer asked the slug to describe what happened. The slug said, "Well, everything happened so fast." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imawesome1124 Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Two guys, Fred and Jerry, are in a bar. They are both really drunk when Jerry suddenly throws up all over himself. "Oh great, my wife's going to kill me," he says. "No she won't. Just stick twenty bucks in your breast pocket and tell her someone puked on you and they gave you money for the dry cleaning bill." They both stay longer and get even drunker. Jerry eventually stumbles home to his wife who gets all mad at him. "You reek of alcohol and you puked all over yourself. My God, you're disgusting." Jerry, speaking very carefully so not to slur his words: "Nowaitaminit, I can esplain everthin. I only had cupla beers but thiz guy got sick all ovvver me. He had one too many beers and couldn't hold hizzzzz liquor so he's gave me twenties bucks for the cleeening bill." His wife looks in his pocket "but that's forty bucks." "Oh yeah,... I almost fergot he sssshhhit in my pants too." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
154bmag Posted November 17, 2011 Share Posted November 17, 2011 Two boys are playing around in the woods, and they find a river. They look into the river and see two naked girls bathing in it, one of the boy's screams and runs away. The second boy chases after him and soon, finds him hiding behind a tree. The boy asks, "Why did you run away from something like that?" The other boy said "My mom said that if I ever saw a naked girl, I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard so I ran!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdcon Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying there a few minutes the old man farts and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It’s fart football." A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, "Touchdown, I’m ahead 14 to 7." Not to be out done the wife rips another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score." Five seconds go by and she lets out a squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressures on and the old man refuses to get beat by a woman so he strains real hard but to no avail. Realizing a defeat is totally unacceptable he gives it everything he has but instead of farting he shits the bed. The wife looks and says, "What was that?" The old man replied, "Half-time, Switch sides." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MayTheGForceBeWithYou Posted November 18, 2011 Share Posted November 18, 2011 A cartoonist was found murdered in his home. Details are sketchy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Randomman295 Posted November 28, 2011 Share Posted November 28, 2011 A horse walks into a bar. The bartender then realizes that a horse has just entered his bar and quickly escorts it out, because the horse does not have any money and therefore cannot drink alcohol. THE ANTIJOKE CHICKEN HAS STRICKEN AGAIN. Anyway, here's another: How many Polish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 3. One to hold the lightbulb and two to turn the ladder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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