Sexual Orientation

[RollerCoasterSmi]

People should be thankful TPR is so liberal...

[tdub96]

Thanks again guys. I appreciate the advice.

 

DJ, you're straight, right? That's exactly what I'm afraid of: him wanting me as more than just as a friend. My parents seem to think he does, and that's why he keeps trying to hang out with me outside school. I haven't yet, but it's just a weird situation for me.

[tiger01]

I'm straight. I'm not against Gays but I hope I never get into a situation like that. I would probably just say 'Hey man, I'm sorry but I'm straight.'

[alilstronger]

People should be thankful TPR is so liberal...

 

I am EXTREMELY thankful for this cause gosh knows I can get pretty gay lol especially when I have liquor

[QueerRudie]

Welcome!!! Always nice to have an abundance of gays in the group!

I think I'm the only gay coaster lover in Phoenix!

 

Nope... there's one in the West Valley too-

 

I am EXTREMELY thankful for this cause gosh knows I can get pretty gay lol especially when I have liquor

 

Isn't there an old saying... "After three beers...."

 

Two pints of Guiness, two shots of Jager, and a Car bomb or two, and even I might experiment with heterosexuality- I'd sleep with a straight guy.

Edited March 30, 2011 by QueerRudie

[mightbeawannabe]

Thanks again guys. I appreciate the advice.

 

DJ, you're straight, right? That's exactly what I'm afraid of: him wanting me as more than just as a friend. My parents seem to think he does, and that's why he keeps trying to hang out with me outside school. I haven't yet, but it's just a weird situation for me.

 

Don't immediately assume that he's interested in you, he may just be trying to get a close friend. That's extremely vital. Someone he can trust no matter what. He's still the same person, if he wasn't hitting on you before, I'd wager he's not now. He probably wants to talk about it, hence why he wants to talk in private.

 

This is coming from a closeted gay at pretty much the same age as you.

[jynx242]

Thanks again guys. I appreciate the advice.

 

DJ, you're straight, right? That's exactly what I'm afraid of: him wanting me as more than just as a friend. My parents seem to think he does, and that's why he keeps trying to hang out with me outside school. I haven't yet, but it's just a weird situation for me.

 

Like the person above me said - don't look for problems that aren't there. Just because someone is gay, does not mean that they want to jump on everything that has a pulse and a penis. I have a LOT of straight guy friends that I have no desire or inclination to see naked Gay people can just be friends, really, we can. We need friends just the same way anyone else does, especially when we are teenagers and attempting to be ourselves. It is scary as hell; and if the people we think we can depend on abandon us - it is lonely as hell too.

 

David

[QueerRudie]

^ What he said...

 

I can say from my own experience: I have far more straight guy friends than I do gay friends- and by a distant margin. in many ways, (Speaking of straight guys here) straight guys who are comfortable with gay guys make a good pair- and often, it's a bond that will last for life.

 

My best friend found out about my non-secret (I've been out of the closet since before most of TPR's members were born) a few years ago- and I think we're closer now than then in so many ways. i'd like to say there was some sort of sexual attraction- but there is none- we're just really good friends all over.

[MidtownCoaster]

Thanks again guys. I appreciate the advice.

 

DJ, you're straight, right? That's exactly what I'm afraid of: him wanting me as more than just as a friend. My parents seem to think he does, and that's why he keeps trying to hang out with me outside school. I haven't yet, but it's just a weird situation for me.

 

 

Hey tdub. Just to add a little bit here. One thing he may really need right now is a best bud. At 16-17-18, you're dealing with a lot of feelings, a lot of confusion and a lot of urges. I'm sure you have them - those buds and guys you can talk to about that hot girl, what you would do to her, etc. Plus, those feelings of feeling not good enough, not big enough, not hot enough, not "whatever" enough. Imagine not having ANYONE to talk to about that stuff. Makes it pretty tough. Plus, for a lot of gay guys (myself included), if you don't have that support network, you can start confusing sexual feelings with love/friendship. You want someone to talk to, to be open with - but you think sex is the next best thing. Even though it's not what you want.

 

All I'm trying to say is - be a friend and try to relate. Deep down, when he's talking about a guy he likes or a guy who's hot... it's really not that different than that girl you like or that girl you think is hot. And, there's a good chance that when you need help with that girl you like or girl you find is hot, he can give you MUCH better advice than your other straight friends.

 

Just some food for thought. The gay-straight friendship can be a good thing.

[biomegaceu]

The gay-straight friendship can be a good thing.

 

I agree 100%. My best friend is straight and i don't know what I would have done without him. He was there for me whenever I needed him. It really does help to have a friend to even just talk to.

[ArizonaGuy]

The gay-straight friendship can be a good thing.

 

I agree 100%. My best friend is straight and i don't know what I would have done without him. He was there for me whenever I needed him. It really does help to have a friend to even just talk to.

 

I totally agree. My best friend is straight and we've been best friends for the past 21 yrs. He was the first friend I came out to and I had his support from start. Having a friend like him really helped and I couldn't imagine not having him in my life.

 

Just be his friend. When someone is coming out for the first time, they just don't pick anyone to come out with. He picked you for a reason.

[the ghost]

Thanks again guys. I appreciate the advice.

 

DJ, you're straight, right? That's exactly what I'm afraid of: him wanting me as more than just as a friend. My parents seem to think he does, and that's why he keeps trying to hang out with me outside school. I haven't yet, but it's just a weird situation for me.

I know everyone has said this, but support him all you can. I am straight as well, but I know quite a few people who have come out and got no support. It is a VERY hard process to come out and takes tons of courage, and remember, a lot of people will not accept it at all. I do know people who have been pretty much disowned or ignored with their parents and friends. We weren't very good friends or anything, but a guy I sorta knew came out(which is probably too early to come out, but thats not the point) and in junior high you are an immature ass and he was made fun of and ridiculed. This was in 8th grade... then summer came and we haven't seen him since. Seriously, give him support, we still dont know what happened to the guy... he moved or transfered or something like that, but I can just about guarantee we were the cause. If I saw him again I'd be much more understanding then II was then obviously, but take into consideration that its hard for him... stay friends.

 

Also just cause your into someone doesn't necessarily mean you will go for them. There are quite a few girls I like right now in college, but some are dating and some are "out of my league" and I dont ask them out... who is stupid enough to just ask whoever they like out? I dont know anyone who does that.

[LDedios432]

Hey everyone,

 

I'm relatively new to the boards...so hello! I'm gay..been "out" since 2000, but I always knew. My first crush that I can remember was in first grade. He was a year older than me, so occasionally I would see him in the halls and during recess and lunch, but we didn't have the same group of friends. One time I saw him at the dentist's office and we played with Legos and I was in pure bliss, lol.

 

I live over in LA and when I'm not at the parks, my friends and hang out in West Hollywood from time to time..love getting drinks at The Abbey (ESPECIALLY on a Sunday afternoon!). We venture out to Silverlake sometimes and hang out at Akbar or Eagle..but it's been a while since we've done that. Got back from Elevation/gay ski & snowboarding weekend a few weeks ago at Mammoth Mountain-- was SOOOOO much fun! Didn't make it out to White Party this year..anyone go?

 

We've been to this place in the valley called C-Frenz..not a usual hang-out of mine but I'm glad to know there are gay bars out in the valley area. Anyone know if there are any gay clubs/bars near Disneyland? I've always been curious to know.

 

Anyway, HELLO!! and I hope ya'll are having a great day

[doublestufforeo]

I'm gay, not out, still "closeted."

 

I tried coming out about 2 months ago to my mom only, well, she's all super-religious and doesn't see past her own hand a lot of the time, so when she flipped out called me "genocide to the human race," and told me I made her sick to my stomach, I came up with a BS excuse as to coming back into the "closet," and how I miraculously was just confused and figured out I was straight a week later.

 

I've been hidden ever since, and I don't think I'm ever actually going to tell her...unless I move about 20,000 miles away and tell her over the phone once I arrive at my destination, and then never speak to her again...that sounds like a good plan.

 

For now, I'll stay happily closeted.

 

- Oreo

[LDedios432]

That sounds really tough. I'm sorry that your mother hasn't accepted this awesome part about you. I hope that over time she will.

 

Are you able to come out to friends, at least? Do you have groups out there that you CAN be a part of that will nurture and allow you to appreciate this? Being gay is a great thing..and though sexual orientation does not define who we are, entirely, it's definitely something important to acknowledge and appreciate (though you probably already know this !)

 

Even if you feel like you have to be in the closet to your Mom, for now, at least...PLEASE stay true to yourself! I say this with all sincerity that it will get better with time...you just have to hang in there.

[doublestufforeo]

^ Oh yeah, no I'm definitely true to myself, and I have some really good friends here, but I don't think they'd take it well, and I have a feeling it'd ruin my friendship with them, and someone once told me, "well if they don't accept you for that then they're not really your friends now are they," though it's much more difficult then that. I don't just want to put my friendship up on the line with people, also, I live in a town where no one has ANYTHING to do but to talk about other people's business, and word would get back to my mom one way or another, so...no thanks, I'll pass.

 

 

But yes I do stay true to myself, I'm no different of a person just because my mother doesn't like it or anything, I'm not really flamboyant so she wouldn't really be able to tell, so for now, my secret's safe with me. =P

[SharkTums]

My mother always told me, you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. I'm a firm believer that you don't HAVE to keep trying with a terrible family just because 'they're family'. Sometimes it's better just to make a clean break from them. My family is great and that's awesome. But I've seen other families not so good and people struggle with that, and I've seen friends that have basically 'left' their families and they're better today because of it!

[Philrad71]

I tried coming out about 2 months ago to my mom only, well, she's all super-religious and doesn't see past her own hand a lot of the time, so when she flipped out called me "genocide to the human race," and told me I made her sick to my stomach, I came up with a BS excuse as to coming back into the "closet," and how I miraculously was just confused and figured out I was straight a week later.

 

Wow...you hang in there kid.

 

I certainly won't bash anyone's mother because that is just wrong, but what she said to you is not just wrong, but really sad.

[Nrthwnd]

I told my parents just before I moved out of their house and went to college - living with my first partner.

 

I did the worst thing possible, and used The Truth against my mother in a big argument we were having, about (guess what?) whether "I was or wasn't _____". And I used it negatively at her, so much so, she threw me out of the house and never wanted to see me again...

 

Dad comes home, from earlier phone call. He was a homocide and robbery detective and had seen bad scenes and deaths involving gay couples, apparently. He scooped me up, crying and all, not knowing what to do, hearing my mom screaming in the house (and she's not even remotely religious, lol!) and we drove off, to get away from the house.

 

Ended up offroad perched very interestingly above what would be a total straight drop off onto our main highway...

 

Hmmm.

 

He looked at me - and was over 6 feet tall and towering even sitting down - and told me this... "I've seen lots of murders, stabbings, and things that happened to homosexuals." Sidenote - it was mid-1960's and I was just 16. He continued... "I would honestly love to change however you are because I don't want to see you end up..." he choked. But I always will love you. Always, no matter how you are....So are you homosexual?"

 

I thought a few second. Held up, and told him I was. And I was scared of mom. He told me not to worry. And he did intervene and cool everything down...

 

Years later, mom and me found out it was dad's mistress (!) who straightened him out about gay people, and told him "Look, he's your son - you love him, regardless." And he cooled down himself, heh heh.

 

A few years later, my mom founded the first ever (then called) Parents & Friends of Gays, In Vancouver.

 

So - in hindsight - never use your coming out against your folks no matter how mad they may make you want to do that.

[Yamez]

^ That is awesome and sad all at the same time.

 

I came out to my parents after going away for a summer and actually being able to be myself...I just couldn't go back into the closet. After visiting home before Christmas I brought along my boyfriend at the time, introduced him to them and explained things to them. My mother (thank god) is one of those mom's that doesn't give two shits, you're her child and she will take care of you AND your friends AND their friends heh. My dad on the other had, well that was a bit different. After I told him what was up he just kinda looked at me for a second....then burst out laughing. After that tension had been released I asked him why he was laughing....he'd just been accepted into the Deacon program at our family's church. To say the least, its a running joke in our family now!

 

I've been blessed with a large group of supportive family and friends, and honestly I couldn't live without my straight friends. It's really hard to find a gay guy that's really into hockey like I am!

[jynx242]

I'm gay, not out, still "closeted."

 

I tried coming out about 2 months ago to my mom only, well, she's all super-religious and doesn't see past her own hand a lot of the time, so when she flipped out called me "genocide to the human race," and told me I made her sick to my stomach, I came up with a BS excuse as to coming back into the "closet," and how I miraculously was just confused and figured out I was straight a week later.

 

I've been hidden ever since, and I don't think I'm ever actually going to tell her...unless I move about 20,000 miles away and tell her over the phone once I arrive at my destination, and then never speak to her again...that sounds like a good plan.

 

For now, I'll stay happily closeted.

 

- Oreo

 

Hang in there buddy. You have a whole life in front of you! Stay true to yourself, but do what you need to do to get by with your family. Once you get out on your own, you are going to find the most AMAZING friends and AMAZING loves. This situation sucks, I know - but hopefully; the knowledge that things get MUCH better can get you through it.

 

Keep the faith and welcome to the family!

[doublestufforeo]

Thank you to everyone for the advice and support, I really appreciate it. It just goes to show how amazing this site is, and how awesome it's members are!

 

- Oreo

[Philrad71]

It's really hard to find a gay guy that's really into hockey like I am!

 

Count me in...I LOVE hockey, football and golf.

 

Even crazier, I listen to rock music and not Broadway!

[QueerRudie]

^ and ^^

 

I'm a die-hard, tattooed with the logos, flagbearing, eagle-hugging, loudmouth Capitals Fan. As in: Gee, Rangers, Are you unable to score against the Capital Defense? Or is it just the Great Eight coming up to assist again?

 

(BTW: GO CAPS!)

 

Sports are not verboten from being queer- it's the stigma that you're not ALLOWED to be a sports fan that holds a lot of people from actually saying it. I know that I'd rather go to ESPN Zone than the Eagle any night. You'll find me at a Flogging Molly or Pietasters show, rather than clubbing the night away looking for 'pretty boys'. There is a huge advantage to being butch in life- as it means for many of us we've transcended the stereotype- and into a place where we CAN be ourselves.

[CorkscrewFoley]

I'm gay, not out, still "closeted."

 

I tried coming out about 2 months ago to my mom only, well, she's all super-religious and doesn't see past her own hand a lot of the time, so when she flipped out called me "genocide to the human race," and told me I made her sick to my stomach, I came up with a BS excuse as to coming back into the "closet," and how I miraculously was just confused and figured out I was straight a week later.

 

I've been hidden ever since, and I don't think I'm ever actually going to tell her...unless I move about 20,000 miles away and tell her over the phone once I arrive at my destination, and then never speak to her again...that sounds like a good plan.

 

For now, I'll stay happily closeted.

 

- Oreo

 

Hang in there buddy. You have a whole life in front of you! Stay true to yourself, but do what you need to do to get by with your family. Once you get out on your own, you are going to find the most AMAZING friends and AMAZING loves. This situation sucks, I know - but hopefully; the knowledge that things get MUCH better can get you through it.

 

Keep the faith and welcome to the family!

 

It sounds like you've started by coming out here Oreo.