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Posted

The Lamentable Tale Of Bob:

 

Bob was a lonely man who lived a lonely life. He spent many-a-year living in a box. In said box, he pndered the meaning of life. Bob liked long walks on the beach an rock music.

 

One day, whilst tiptoeing through the tulips, Bob tripped and fell down a hole. In this hole, he met a clock named Frederick.

 

Frederick was a happy clock, who spent many-a-day ticking around town. Frederick had a happy little family of Swatches, or swiss watches, and he loved them with all his heart. Frederick liked running through feilds of daffodils and daisies, and regretted ever stepping foot in the tulip feild.

 

Bob and Frederick had a long and boring conversation about socks. In the end, Frederick kicked Bob's ass, and, whilst screaming in pain, Bob strangled, and killed, Frederick.

 

While still falling down the hole, though now in severe pain and guilt over killing a clock, Bob met Harrison the pillow.

 

Harrison was an angry pillow, who hated having people sleep on him. After all, would anyone want someone else to sleep on them? One day, Harrison grew so angry that he wound up strangling his owner, sliding down a drainpipe, running to a feild of tulips, and accidentally falling down a hole.

 

Bob, who was very tired, took a nap on Harrison, not knowing how angry this pillow was. Bob was never seen again.

 

Have a nice day!

Posted

HERES HOW U PLAY...U FIND AN EMPTY NUMBER 1-200 AND WRITE DOWN A SECRET OF YOUR OWN. REMEMBER THAT U CANNOT TELL ANYONE WHAT NUMBER U PICKED! ITS A SECRET! JUST SIMPLY COPY AND REPOST IT! DON"T BE A WUSS...AND NOONE WILL EVER KNO!

 

1. I got a girl pregnant when i was 13

2. i took the cookie from the cookie jar.

3. i fucked on november 19th 10:45

4. i LiKE HiM SO MUCH. BUT HE ONLY SEES ME AS A FRiEND

5.i like this guy so much but the part that realy sux is he is 1 of my BEST guy friends i really wanna get with him but he has a girl friend and he is also a big flurt!! i wanna just get over him but igt is sooo hard!! man my life sux! my fav song is... " i'll keep you my dirty little secret!" ? ? o yha!

6. In the second grade i told my teacher to shut up

7.I TOOK A SHIT IN MY BF'Z BED

8.having the feeling that someone will take your love away from that person.

9.

10.i had sex with your mom

11.I had sex all weekend, infact I had one of the best weekends yet...an I love mark.

12. I'm still in love with my ex-boyfriend.

13. Im confused about everything, Im not sure what to do next, my heart is telling me 2 many things, and when I stop and take a look at it all, it makes everything worse. Im tired of shedding tears for something that may not be real.

14. this is a huge secret for me...but...i need to say it...*takes a deep breath in* i.......watch................pigins.......in my free time.

15.Im just so confused I like guys and some dont like me back whats wrong with me

16. i think i really like shane

17.

18. I need someone to set me free from my own personal hell that i have created, but it doesn't seem that such a person even exists.

19.I love him more than he would ever know!!!!

20.

21. Sometimes i fear that the right person isnt out there, or if he is I won't find him & he wont find me.

22.

23. I still qwestion if I love him or not, even tho I know I do.

24. I'm in love with a younger woman......and, it scares me sometimes.

25.

26. I really like RM but i hate how he and every other guy that i've ever liked treats me as a cool friend or a "sister". i drives me nuts and i wish one guy would like me more than that

27.I have a really bad drug problem

28.

29.

30. I hate my best friend

31.

32.i think i might be bisexual

33.

34.

35. fighting has never made the pain go away, but its pain that makes me fight

36.

37.

38.

39.I might have an eating disorder

40.

41.

42. The only reason why I don't like going to the doctors is that I'm always afriad of what I'll find out about myself--about what they'll say about these (problems) that occurs every now and then. I think I'll rather be happy and not know how long I get to live rather than counting off the days I'll stay alive.

43.

44.

45. I say things that I don't mean, and I lie to everyone all the time.

46.

47. He thinks he is the jealous one in the relationship but the truth is that its me who is the jealous one.

48.

49. CS is on my mind every hour I'm awake.

50.i have many secrets

51.

52. I cheated on my boyfriend....[with 4 different guys]

53.i havent shaved my pits in a while n im a grl

54.

55.i think my friends a lesbo

56. I say that I'm better off single. In reality I'm the lonliest person you'll ever know.

57.

58.

59. I'm bi and afraid to tell my family in fear that they will disown me. how fucking sad!

60.

61. I cheated ...twice

62.

63.

64. I really like someone and I'm scared, for once.

65. I want to be with him but he doesn't want to be with me

66.i will always love my first true love.

67.i'm in love with my bestfriend.

68.

69. I can never love my boyfriend with all my heart because part of it will always belong to someone else.

70.i'm afraid, of all the men in my family

71.I like the taste of piss.

72.i dont understand how guys can hit on you all the time, flirt with you & check you out all the time; but some how your still single; sometimes i feel that guys dont believe in commitment

73.

74.i have got horny frum the thought of havin lesbo sex

75. for whatever reason i still have some feelings for him and i think i would do anything to get him back. im so confused and i hate it..i dont know what to do anymore and im sick of being alone.

76. i gotta fut. lmfao.

77. I hate all of you cocksuckers.

78.i think estebon from the suite life of zach&cody is friken hott

79.

80.HE MEANS THE WORLD TO ME BUT I CAN"T TELL HIM THAT

81.i hate my friend so much at times &dnt lik her that much

82.

83.Im in love with 3 people

84.

85.

86. my parents think i suffer from depression. they also think i'm going crazy. hm...

87.i pretend the ppl i like wtach me thru my window so i act all sexy

88.

89.im friggen bored. uhhh. yea. im bored. these secrets are strange. k bye. =]

90.

91.i like mario

92.

93.

94. I have tons of friends yet im incredibly lonely. I miss him and I need him. I cant stand to see him with her. I'm afraid he'll forget about me and I'll end up alone.

95.

96.ive fallen 4 an older man

97.

98.

99.

100.I Shaved My Pubes.

101. Me Too. its all smoooooth now. lmao.

102

103.

104. i like guys. i am one too.

105.

106.

107.im in love wit my best friends gf:(

108.

109.

110.i once had a crush on my teacher and have pretended that i had sex with him

111.

112.

113. i pretend its all ok, but in reality, i want to run screaming away from all these people that i pretend to love

114.!!!!!!!!ZOE IS SO HOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

115.

116.

117.IM AFRAID OF LOSING HER 2 NE ONE I FEEL ALL ALONE!!??!!

118.

119. The thing that scares me is that im willing to give up everything i have, just for him, even willing to just give myself to him and i wonder if he relle cares that much?

120.ive watched lesbo porn

121. I don't like a lot of people for some reason....even some of my closest friends which is kind of sad, I guess it's cause i don't like myself. I don't know I read something somewhere that said to not like anyone means that you don't like yourself or something like that.

122.

123.i still have feelings for a ex...and i want her back

124.ive NEVER had a bf

126.I am inlove with t.c.s. does he love me? yep....

127. i hate people who put themselves down, when i do it myself. this is not mai

128.

129. I'm .....addicted to water...i know...it's sad

130.

131.i masterbate

132.

133.i pretend im goin out with&sleeping with the ones i like

134.

135. In love with a guy and like another guy really much but really hard to pick because the one that I really like Loves me and the one that I love only likes me

136.i like a boy who is a year younger then meeh

137.i like a boy who bangs the blue color(which means he is crip)

138.i want a bf

139. i wish i was his special girl.

140.ive been having thoughts about doing certain things

141.i kida like my boyfirends best friend ( when i find one lil thing worng with my b/f i dump them =[

142.i think mj is gay hahaha...hahahala...lmao

143.

144. i like my best friends brother.

145.i still love him something terrible & need him horribly badly & i wonder....if someway....somehow he does to?! if he ever did...or if maybe jus maybe right now he was thinking of me?!

146.i wish she wasn't goin out with him so i could.

147. I love my best friend Chris... more than anything... and I have a boy friend... Chris is my everything... I love you CHRIS

148. My weaknest is my ears, Im very ticklilsh there

149.

150.Im afraid to be alone

145.

146.i wish she wasn't goin out with him so i could.

147.

148.one of my aquaintances is a piece of shit. he cheats on his absolutely wondeful girlfriend any time he can. he is going to ruin her in the years to come with lies and pain. whats worse is that i liked her

149.i'm afraid to love.

150.Im afraid to be alone wats ur secret bet u cant find mine

151.i wish i didn't live here anymore and that i could afford a place of my own

152.

153.

154.i hate my brother sumtimes bc of the way he acts

155.

156.

157.

158.i kida like my boyfirends best friend ( when i find one lil thing worng with my b/f i dump them =[

159.i like my lab partner

160.

161.

162.

163.

164.

165.

166.

167.

168.

169. I can't shake this feeling....i love him and he says he loves me but honestly i know that he is "talking to other girls" on the internet...how i know..i have seen him do it

170.

171.i love jeff

172.

173.

174.

175.i talk about my friend behind her back ALOT

176.

177.

178.

179.

180.

181.

182.

183.

184.Im afraid that he's using me , like everyone says

185.

186.

187.

188.

189.I have sex too much. WITH GIRLS. and i'm a girl.

190.

191.

192.

193.

194.

195.

196.

197.

198.

199.

200. i hate my best friend........but deep down, i'm in love with her truely

 

// I am guessing that Catrina was on mySpace tonight

Posted

ALBUQUERQUE

By Weird Al Yankovic

 

 

 

 

Way back when I was just a little bitty boy living in a box under the stairs in the corner of the basement of the house half a block down the street from Jerry's Bait shop

You know the place

well anyway, back then life was going swell and everything was just peachy

Except, of course, for the undeniable fact that every single morning

My mother would make me a big ol' bowl of sauerkraut for breakfast

Awww - Big bowl of sauerkraut

Every single mornin'

It was driving me crazy

I said to my mom

I said "Hey, mom, what's with all the sauerkraut?"

And my dear, sweet mother

She just looked at me like a cow looks at an oncoming train

And she leaned right down next to me

And she said "IT'S GOOD FOR YOU"

And then she tied me to the wall and stuck a funnel in my mouth

And force fed me nothing but sauerkraut until I was twenty six and a half years old

That's when I swore that someday

Someday I would get outta that basement and travel to a magical, far away place

Where the sun is always shining and the air smells like warm root beer

And the towels are oh so fluffy

Where the shriners and the lepers play their ukuleles all day long

And anyone on the street will gladly shave your back for a nickel

Wacka wacka doodoo yeah

Well, let me tell you, people, it wasn't long at all before my dream came true

Because the very next day, a local radio station had this contest

To see who could correctly guess the number of molecules in Leonard Nimoy's butt

I was off by three, but I still won the grand prize

That's right, a first class one-way ticket to

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Oh yeah

You know, I'd never been on a real airplane before

And I gotta tell ya, it was really great

Except that I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor

And the little kid in back of me kept throwin' up the whole time

The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts

And the in-flight movie was Bio-Dome with Pauly Shore

And, oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out

And we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside

And the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everybody died

Except for me

You know why?

'Cause I had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Had my tray table up

And my seat back in the full upright position

Ah ha ha ha

Ah ha ha

Ahhhh

So I crawled from the twisted, burnin' wreckage

I crawled on my hands and knees for three full days

Draggin' along my big leather suitcase and my garment bag

And my tenor saxophone and my twelve-pound bowling ball

And my lucky, lucky autographed glow-in-the-dark snorkel

But finally I arived at the world famous Albuquerque Holiday Inn

Where the towels are oh so fluffy

And you can eat your soup right out of the ashtrays if you wanna

It's OK, they're clean

Well, I checked into my room and I turned down the A/C

And I turned on the SpectraVision

And I'm just about to eat that little chocolate mint on my pillow

That I love so very, very much when suddenly, there's a knock on the door

Well now, who could that be?

I say "Who is it?"

No answer

"Who is it?"

There's no answer

"WHO IS IT?"

They're not sayin' anything

So, finally I go over and I open the door and just as I suspected

It's some big fat hermaphrodite with a Flock-Of-Seagulls haircut and only one nostril

Oh man, I hate it when I'm right

So anyway, he bursts into my room and he grabs my lucky snorkel

And I'm like "Hey, you can't have that"

"That snorkel's been just like a snorkel to me"

And he's like "Tough"

And I'm like "Give it"

And he's like "Make me"

And I'm like "'Kay"

So I grabbed his leg and he grabbed my esophagus

And I bit off his ear and he chewed off my eyebrows

And I took out his appendix and he gave me a colonic irrigation

Yes indeed, you better believe it

And somehow in the middle of it all, the phone got knocked off the hook

And twenty seconds later, I heard a farmiliar voice

And you know what it said?

I'll tell you what it said

It said

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"

"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

"If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again"

"If you need help, hang up and then dial your operator"

In Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Well, to cut a long story short, he got away with my snorkel

But I made a a solemn vow right then and there that I would not rest

I would not sleep for an instant until the one-nostrilled man was brought to justice

But first, I decided to buy some donuts

So I got in my car and I drove over to the donut shop

And I walked on up to the guy behind the counter

And he says "Yeah, what do ya want?"

I said "You got any glazed donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta glazed donuts"

I said "You got any jelly donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta jelly donuts"

I said "You got any Bavarian cream-filled donuts?"

He said "No, we're outta Bavarian cream-filled donuts"

I said "You got any cinnamon rolls?"

He said "No, we're outta cinnamon rolls"

I said "You got any apple fritters?"

He said "No, we're outta apple fritters"

I said "You got any bear claws?"

He said "Wait a minute, I'll go check"

"NO, we're outta bear claws"

I said "Well, in that case - in that case, what do you have?"

He says "All I got right now is this box of one dozen starving, crazed weasels"

I said "OK, I'll take that"

So he hands me the box and I open up the lid and the weasels jump out

And they immediately latch onto my face and start bitin' me all over

(rabid gnawing sounds)

Oh man, they were just going nuts

They were tearin' me apart

You know, I think it was just about that time that a little ditty started goin' through my head"

I believe it went a little something like this . . .

Doh

Get 'em off me

Get 'em off me

Oh

No, get 'em off, get 'em off

Oh, oh God, oh God

Oh, get 'em off me

Oh, oh God

Ah, (more screaming)

I ran out into the street with these flesh-eating weasels all over my face

Wavin' my arms all around and just runnin', runnin', runnin'

Like a constipated weiner dog

And as luck would have it, that's exactly when I ran into the girl of my dreams

Her name was Zelda

She was a caligraphy enthusiast with a slight overbite and hair the color of strained peaches

I'll never forget the first thing she said to me.

She said "Hey, you've got weasels on your face"

That's when I knew it was true love

We were inseperable after that

Aw, we ate together, we bathed together

We even shared the same piece of mint-flavored dental floss

The world was our burrito

So we got married and we bought us a house

And had two beautiful children - Nathaniel and Superfly

Oh, we were so very very very happy, aw yeah

But then one fateful night, Zelda said to me

She said "Sweetie pumpkin? Do you wanna join the Columbia Record Club?"

I said "Woah, hold on now, baby"

"I'm just not ready for that kinda commitment"

So we broke up and I never saw her again

But that's just the way things go

In Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Anyway, things really started lookin' up for me

Because about a week later, I finally achieved my lifelong dream

That's right, I got me a part-time job at The Sizzler

I even made employee of the month after I put that grease fire out with my face

Aw yeah, everybody was pretty jealous of me after that

I was gettin' a lot of attitude

OK, like one time, I was out in the parking lot

Tryin' to remove my excess earwax with a golf pencil

When I see this guy Marty tryin' to carry a big ol' sofa up the stairs all by himself

So I, I say to him, I say "Hey, you want me to help you with that?"

And Marty, he just rolls his eyes and goes

"No, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw"

So I did

And then he gets all indignant on me

He's like "Hey man, I was just being sarcastic"

Well, that's just great

How was I supposed to know that?

I'm not a mind reader for cryin' out loud

Besides, now he's got a really cute nickname - Torso-Boy

So what's he complaining about?

Say, that reminds me of another amusing anecdote

This guy comes up to me on the street and he tells me he hasn't had a bite in three days

Well, I knew what he meant

But just to be funny, I took a big bite out of his jugular vein

And he's yellin' and screamin' and bleeding all over

And I'm like "Hey, come on, don'tcha get it?"

But he just keeps rolling around on the sidewalk, bleeding, and screaming

(screaming sounds)

You know, just completely missing the irony of the whole situation

Man, some people just can't take a joke, you know?

Anyway, um, um, where was I?

Kinda lost my train of thought

Uh, well, uh, OK

Anyway I, I know it's kinda a roundabout way of saying it

But I guess the whole point I'm tryin' to make here is

I HATE SAUERKRAUT!

That's all I'm really tryin' to say

And, by the way, if one day you happen to wake up

And find yourself in an existential quandary

Full of loathing and self-doubt

And wracked with the pain and isolation of your pitiful meaningless existence

At least you can take a small bit of comfort in knowing that

Somewhere out there in this crazy old mixed-up universe of ours

There's still a little place called

Albuquerque

Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Albuquerque, Albuquerque

I said "A" (A)

"L" (L)

"B" (B)

"U" (U)

"querque" (querque)

Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque, Albuquerque

Posted

Fen-Phen is also highly addictive, which would help with the sales of our product.

 

(I'm working on a school project, so yeah. I'm not trying to drug people.)

Posted

############

sub getcgi {

############

read(STDIN, $input, $ENV{'CONTENT_LENGTH'});

@pairs = split(/&/, $input);

foreach $pair(@pairs) {

 

($name, $value) = split(/=/, $pair);

$name =~ tr/+/ /;

$name =~ s/%([a-fA-F0-9][a-fA-F0-9])/pack("C", hex($1))/eg;

$value =~ tr/+/ /;

$value =~ s/%([a-fA-F0-9][a-fA-F0-9])/pack("C", hex($1))/eg;

$input{$name} = $value;

}

@vars = split(/&/, $ENV{QUERY_STRING});

foreach $var(@vars) {

($v,$i) = split(/=/, $var);

$v =~ tr/+/ /;

$v =~ s/%([a-fA-F0-9][a-fA-F0-9])/pack("C", hex($1))/eg;

$i =~ tr/+/ /;

$i =~ s/%([a-fA-F0-9][a-fA-F0-9])/pack("C", hex($1))/eg;

$i =~ s///g;

$input{$v} = $i;

}

 

}

Posted

From the scratchy sleep of old age,

a ghost-gray whippoorwill wakes me

with her three-step song.

When I woke in this room as a boy,

my grandmother Kate brought me coffee

at dawn, her long gray hair

already braided over her soft face

while my grandfather Wesley milked

the sisterhood in the barn.

One by one

they atrophy, knees and hipjoints,

ears and eyes, leg muscles and fingers.

Hair departs from the head

and dark tight hairs from the body,

leaving a whiteness of old thighs

and calves, smooth as a girl's

but with blue veins, the wreckage

and comfort of a body contracted

to frailty.

We wheelbarrowed milkcans

to Route 4, where they perched

for the dairy truck as the new day rose

past Ragged Mountain, over Kearsarge.

We hayed with Riley the horse under a sun

that never moved from its noon.

Sundays,

great-aunts and -uncles visited,

stepping from their Model A's

with vivacious red wrinkled faces,

neck wattles and liver spots.

They waved thin hands to conduct

the familiar stories, and stood

slowly, in sections, to stretch and yawn

before walking.

At bedtime Wesley

gummed bread and milk

while Kate drank Moxie and we listened

to Edward R. Murrow on the Emerson

radio, shaped like a cathedral,

who told us that London was burning.

At ninety my grandmother gave up

her sheep and her chickens, to live

seven years in a diminishing house.

When she died, I entered

her oilclothed kitchen to grow old

living alone like Kate, looking out

the same window at the same acres,

where in midafternoon the western sun

paints the unpainted wood of the barn,

ruin of gray and gold. A lamp

stays lit all night

in the witness's house.

Sunrise

is lavender, orange, and pink, latticing

a sky as gray and hard as ice

in the new cold. I scrape the windshield,

feeling a bite in my elbow, and drive

to town for the Globe. In the rearview

mirror the sky over Kearsarge is pink,

lavender, and orange as I drive home,

happy, to black coffee and news

of cities and fire, under the standing lamp.

 

Yeah, I'm at school.

---Brent

Posted

Rocket City's newest coaster

 

 

B&M Mega!

 

 

 

Here is the entrance

 

 

 

 

Inside the station

 

 

 

 

Top of lift

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The bottom of the first drop

 

 

 

 

Second drop

 

 

 

 

Third hill

 

 

 

 

A view from the other side

 

 

 

 

On-ride view from the third drop

 

 

 

 

Helix! It's inspires of the newly opened Goliath at SFOG

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some on-ride pics from the helix

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Diving under the building that the seconds hill runs over

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After the bank, there are 3 more hills

 

 

 

 

Last hill over the entrance

 

Posted

radius = 9

cangle = 360

anglea = 35

angleb = 35

height = 0

slopea = 3

slopeb = 3

bmdrop = 0

ampl = 0

amps = 0

ampe = 0

speed = 0

increaserad = 0

increaseradsmooth=0

zerrx = .57357*7 ;tear the helix on the x axis over time

zerrz = .81915*7 ;tear the helix on the z axis over time

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