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The "TPR Klassy Kruise" 2012 Update Thread!

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^That's what Regis said. (Very haiku-ishly done; nice!)


The Sharktopus logo is aces.


And now whenever I look at a trip report full of shots of mouth-watering, delicious food, I have my "hunger-killing" thread to come right back to. Bless you for that.

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This thread is epic - you guys have the best fun!


I am a great fan of things that are so bad you have to keep seeing how much worse it gets!


So basically you are on the Lindsay Lohan of cruise ships.

YES!!! THIS!!!!


Oh! And check this out...

Drunk Piers Dancing video!




Respond if you want more Drunk Piers videos!

(Sorry for the crappy quality, it's the best we could do in the middle of the ocean)

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"I'm the pole!"


At least the crew seemed pretty chill and went along with it. You guys are doing a good thing, providing real entertainment for the rest on board, at least it is better than tissue racing.

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More Klassyness!



Our ship is apparently a "top."



The NCL Epic may very well be the ugliest ship ever built. It looks even worse in person!



Seriously, this butt-ugly ship is the perfect contender for the next TPR ghetto cruise!



The sign kind of reads as more of a "suggestion."



Piers and G-Money are on their first Klassy date!



Garbles is KLASSY!!!



"I asked for Lemonade and I got a plate of lemons! Not making this up!"






We asked for plain pasta. Seriously, why is the service so god awful??? Oh, we're on a Carnival ship...



This could be the most uninspired, flavourless steak I've ever had.



"Would anyone like a turkey vein? I've got plenty!"



Tonight is the 40th anniversary of Carnival Cruise Lines where cheap champagne was served! (let's be honest here... It was $2 sparkling wine from WalMart.)



Congrats to Carnival Cruise Lines on 40 years of Klassy Kruises!



"Is anyone else not going to drink their cheap champagne?"



And yes, there is video!!!




After dinner service, Piers and G-Money did a series of Klassy photo shoots.



They actually make plush versions of the mascot! Terrifying!!!



TPR once again dominates in pointless trivia winning the 14 karat gold plastic shit on a stick!



We somehow got roped into some Klassy dance lesson...



We decided that Garbles is actually retarded.



For some reason we keep getting roped into Klassy game shows!




Elissa ended up having to lead the audience in doing the chicken dance.


And of course we got video of it!





Piers was next up to do the game show. He was introduced as the "Creative Director for the House of Gaga!"


That's all for now!

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It's time for more pictures


Time for drinking in the neon bar!


LIKE if you think Piers is fancy.


Time for another round of Klassy Kasino group sluts!


Traditionally, Piers humps the machine for good luck!


Titanic photo time with G-Money and Renee!


Hate to break it to you, Kate Winslet, but Leo dies!


Tonight was taco night. Significantly better than last nights grilled mushrooms and sauerkraut buffet, but still pretty bad in general.


It was lap dance night on the Klassy Kruise!


Renee has apparently given lap dances before!


It's deck party time! Go Piers!


Disco ball drinks! Now that is KLASSY!!!


Congrats Carnival on 40 years of Klassy Kruises!


Kind of like a ghetto femme-bot!


Oh, god... It's a congo line! We have


Colin is adhering to the "Klassy Kruise" dress code!


Yup... Piers is drunk... There will be videos!


Great advice!!!


Another $25 win at the quarter pushing machine! I feel like I'm back in a Klassy place like Laughlin again!


This dude, hands down, wins the Klassiest Kruiser award!


Oh, holy hell! There is a walk-around character of "Funship Freddie" - the most terrifying, nightmare inducing company mascot ever!!!

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I keep reminding myself that this is not fake, that Carnival actually thinks that their ship, service, and everything else is passable. I know everyone has joked about it before, but seeing all this stuff is just unreal!


This trip report rules. I'm following the live updates on FB and Twitter because I need to see what happens next, hahaha... You guys look like you are having a blast in spite of the fact that you are on a floating ghetto. Can't wait to see the videos!!

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Kind of like a ghetto femme-bot!


Ahem. "Klassy femme-bot."


And just how "tangy" was the romaine at the taco bar? Was it grown by inmates at a Guatemalan insane asylum, or something?

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I saw Ice Bat!



And it looks "almost" like TPR is


single-handedly (multi-handedly?) providing


the Klassy Total Onboard Entertainment


(K-TOE for short) for this.


All the other Klassy Kruise travellers


must have been very impressed with that.

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On our Facebook page someone asked a very legitimate question which I was happy to answer...


Danny Biggerstaff

Why did you book on Carnival if you don't like them? I find them great, now I have not been on one of the tiny ships like your on. I have loved our 9 cruises with them.


Here is my response....


Theme Park Review


It had been 10 years since we last cruised Carnival. Out of our group of people, they have collectively sailed about 10 different Carnival ships over the past decade. They were all crap. We keep making fun of them because the cruise line is awful, but people kept trying to tell us that we were wrong and how much they have improved over the years. So we decided to give them another chance. Honestly, going into this "Klassy Kruise" we all expected it wouldn't be as bad as we were making it out to be, and we'd have to really "eat our hat" with some of our reviews, but it's completely tragic, Wal-Mart service at best, Golden Corral level of food, and just awful. The only way someone could actually think this is a good cruise line is if they simply don't know any better, sorry. It really is just awful.


We went around the table today, a group of 16 of us, and we said "Honestly - come up with one thing you actually LIKE about the cruise" and while some people had said "The state rooms are ok", "The bathrooms are pretty big", etc, there isn't much that we are impressed with. The service is so awful in the dining room that tonight we are going to play a game. We are going to all put $1 in the middle of the table, and the person who gets served the last gets to collect the pot! Ever lunch and dinner service we've had so far, there has been one person that has been practically forgotten about. Getting their meal a good 10 minutes after everyone else is done eating. We figured that person at least deserves some kind of reward!


And yeah, to summarize, we did take this Klassy Kruise as a "parody" of our normal cruise reports, and figured we'd have a bit of fun poking at it. We actually thought we'd have to make up some stuff to poke fun at, but Carnival is so bad, the comedy just writes itself. We are actually having a really fun time! Seriously, it's been a blast...but kind of all for the wrong reasons! Carnival Cruise Lines really is the "Wal-Mart of the Seas." And we get that some people really like shopping at Wal-Mart...just not us!


Really, it comes down to this. Carnival markets to a certain demographic...which is fine, it just so happens that demographic isn't us. We felt it was only fair to give Carnival a 2nd chance after years of ripping on them. But what we've discovered is that the cruise line is absolutely, hands down, the Wal-Mart of the Seas. It's got Guy Fieri & George Lopez quality written all over it. And to those people who LOVE that level of quality, that's awesome! I'm actually very happy there are entertainment offerings for those people. Just don't get mad at us because we think it's entertaining for very different reasons! You should be very happy that I won't be in line in front of you at the Carnival bar getting a bucket of Coors Light, and I'll be happy you won't be sitting next to me at Animator's Palate on DCL or Portofino on RCCL. Agreed?


Hope that kind of sums that up! There are people who like Wal-Mart and people who laugh at people who like Wal-Mart. I'm sure you guess what group we are in!

Edited by robbalvey
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Having been a landbounre person for the vast majority of my life, I've only seen the eyes of the seas from other peoples' perspectives. Granted, there are some cases where you'll find bias (Travel Agents, etc.) and others that are leaving out details.


While I won't be on one of these ships anytime soon, I can say with certainty that many times over these TRs- whether parody (Carnival) or otherwise are beyond detailed- and if I was going to have to sell somebody- I'd check these out before.


As you said, Robb, there are cruises for everyone. What flies on a Carnival ship won't fly on a Celebrity, what goes on a Norwegian won't go on an RCL cruise. It's all in personal tastes- and how wildly they vary.

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