Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures

[Electerik]

Well, here it is: the last proper update to Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures. We leave for Las Vegas in a few days. There were a few places we never got to--and a few that we did, that I just never got around to posting about. Apologies. But, we couldn't leave without giving you this...

 

The Holy Land Experience

The "main" entrance, that they apparently no longer use...?

Sweet! Aslan!

What's this now?

There's actually quite a few static figures and displays in the parking lot and outside the gate. Therefore, by my scientific calculations, considering that parking is free, and it's $45 to enter the "park," you get a better, more cost-efficient experience by not actually going in.

Super hero camel!

Noah's all-kinds-of-jacked-up-scale ark!

The best thing I did. Outside the gate. Free.

Squinty cartoon guy welcomes you to his three-quarters of a shack.

The main entrance. Guarded by Roman soldiers and their legendary war giraffes.

These cardboard cutouts are everywhere. I guess it's cheaper than paying someone to stand there....

I'm...not even sure what's happening in here.

The coffee shop is nice.

This is that book of the bible where Jesus jumped the shark.

So, the front part of Holy Land is the kid section. Which is weird. So I liked that.

Inside the whale is an octopus and a starfish, both with creepy human faces, because the bible.

Also, Jonah, who is levitating.

Still, the kids area looked nice enough. I don't think I saw a child there that day, though.

Jesus' balls.

Sure, why not?

This bench is closed due to penguins. Peace.

Nothing happens here.

I am biblically strong!

Moses part the Red Sea, whilst fighting a flying shark. Next, on Syfy!

The Church of Agony. Also called Something More Pleasant.

The Church of the Triangular Alleyway

Another nice store. Too bad they just sell Jesus stuff.

King of the callback.

So, goofy as it sometimes is, it must be said that much of Holy Land is actually quite nice.

The Jesus Death Hole

 

King of the callback.

There's really just one restaurant. They serve Chick-fil-A.

 

Not kidding.

However, they don't just serve Chick-fil-A. Here are a couple of the other items.

The Jesus Boat

 

No, look, it actually says that.

 

That's the name of my next band, by the way.

OH MY GOD, FISH!!!!!!!!!1!

Hey, check out my lake. Nice day for a walk, eh? Ha ha, just a little me humor. You look good. I'll be back on shore in a second. Did you see my boat? Not sure why I had that. Don't really need it.

See? Pretty.

This is just...weird.

Please don't put your finger in my palm hole. Yeah, I know you want to. Just don't.

Well, at least they're copping to it.

..ad, and looked at it smarmily.

Tiny Jesus welcomes you.

Oh! Oh! I know what that is!

Some kind of show. I dunno. I didn't stick around.

Sample joke from this guy: "Do you know why they closed all the Walmarts in Iraq? Because they just become Targets anyway."

There's some kind of show about books or something in this building.

We got really excited because it has a queue!

Unfortunately, they don't allow photography, so we skipped it. Here's an angel stabbing itself in the head.

The Scriptorium gift shop.

This path winds between the lake and the fence that separates the park from the parking lot. And it has animals on it. I'm pretty sure you can see them through the fence. You know, if you don't want to pay to get in. I'm just saying.

That's weird kerning.

 

Wait, is that kerning? Or would that be something else? Well, anyway, it's weird.

Here's a thing. To the side, there's a big dry erase board where ordinary weirdos can write nonsense.

Jesus!

Lions love Christians.

Shroud of Turin exhibit.

Well, this looks impressive.

Too bad we can't stay.

I can only assume they used to sell jewelry here. But now it's gifts and snacks. But still with the jewelry cases and chairs. So...yeah.

I just Googled "The 7 Foods of Deuteronomy" and found this: Do not cook a young goat in its mother’s milk. 0.o

Forever and ever, ABBA.

His eyes are on you.

 

King of the callback.

Hey, it's been fun. Stay out of trouble, TPR. And when you drive past something weird, and debate whether you should check it out of not, think about what Erik & Smisty would do.

 

And then keep driving.

Edited April 9, 2014 by Electerik

[DirkFunk]

And so this thread has died. RIP thread.

 

...unless it comes back to life in three days. Then it is possibly the antichrist. REPENT THE RAPTURE IS AT HAND! Is that how it works? I don't really know. Also there was only one way to possibly end this thread acceptably and this was indeed it. Wow. Wow again. Wow a thousand times over. Jesus on the motorcycle is the pinnacle of themed entertainment. I am immersed sitting in my home. Everyone at Goddard Group, Disney, Thinkwell Group, whatever, y'all might as well just quit. Walk away. Nothing will ever top that.

[larrygator]

I loved your prayer request.

 

I didn't look at the picture to closely and thought your Chick-Fil-A comment was a joke.

[robbalvey]

HOLY CRAP! (And I mean that in an epic biblical sense) This was the PERFECT send off to this thread. I am so happy we have a trip report to Holy Land I think I'm going to tweet them about it right now!

 

Oh, and this photo...

WHY IS THERE A SHARK!?!!?

 

It's like the Dave Thomas version of the bible!!!

[cfc]

"Bad kerning"? I'd say no. Definitely poor design and word division, though.

 

 

Give unto us your Sacred Comma. Or perhaps they mean "Zen Comma"?

 

I agree with Robb--the perfect send off to this thread.

[larrygator]

^I just noticed. Is that the GEICO caveman in the right background of that photo?

[zachclarke2]

 

This is so full of win!

 

I've read through about half of this thread, and I can't wait until I get some time to read the rest! Your trip reports are fantastic! Although I haven't read them all, it's obvious in my mind that this was the best send off you possibly could have done.

[omiyage]

Thanks for a fun report on a bizarre place! What's with all the cutouts?

I visited this park back in 2005 before it was sold to TBN. To see what it was all about, of course, I am in no way religious. Anyway, I can swear the guy who took our ticket at the entrance was some sort of incarnation of Ned Flanders. Same mustache, same glasses, same voice. It was mind-boggling! Back then they also used the Jesus grave site for a grand closing show every night. Instead of fireworks, the park closed with Jesus being crucified, whips and blood and all. I have a video of it somewhere. It was crazy!

[jcrouse]

That was amazing! Thank you for the report. It was very funny and entertaining. Wonder why they didn't allow photos in so many places...

 

Safe travels to you both!

[robbalvey]

Well, here it is: the last proper update to Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures. We leave for Las Vegas in a few days.

Soooo.... Erik & Smisty's Las Vegas Oddventures coming soon?

[larrygator]

Well, here it is: the last proper update to Erik & Smisty's Florida Oddventures. We leave for Las Vegas in a few days.

Soooo.... Erik & Smisty's Las Vegas Oddventures coming soon?

 

Certainly looking forward to Las Vegas. And a few years down the road, I'm looking forward to Erik and Smisty's move to Wisconsin Dells.

Edited April 9, 2014 by larrygator

[FLIPDUDE]

I live in Israel and.... Doesn't every place look like this?

[fnmatrix]

I didn't know Noah's Ark was made of metal and had railings and glass windows...Amazing ancient technology.

[BarryH]

Yay! You made it to the Holy Land Experience! I went there in 2005 and now it seems a lot gaudier than when I visited. The inside of the whale thing reminded me of the pregnant lady walk-through in Mexico.

 

How did the Holy Land Experience change since I visited? Check out my PTR: http://www.themeparkreview.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1565

[LiMiT]

I was expecting to see a huge "ROMANES EUNT DOMUS" to be written on the white board. But anyway, great report! I can tell you had some fun in Orlando at Jesus Land.

[Mstankow]

I always wondered what was in that park whenever I drove past it. Now I am happy I never need to go.

[DenDen]

Awww, goodbye to the longest trip report ever created! So entertaining and fun! I hope you guys continue in Vegas! (I used to live there, there's plenty of ODD!)

 

[mattnz]

That font! OMG! And those cut-outs. Only in America. I love it. Fabulous update.

[televisedconfession]

Amazing!!! Great report guys!

[Hilltopper39]

I thought the Chik-Fil-A joke was a just a joke before I realized that's actually what they serve! Which makes total sense, jesus loves him some Spicy chicken sandwich.

[cfc]

I thought the Chik-Fil-A joke was a just a joke before I realized that's actually what they serve! Which makes total sense, jesus loves him some Spicy chicken sandwich.

 

Chik-Fil-A is the official sandwich of God.

Edited April 9, 2014 by cfc

[RCjunkie]

If your fantastic prayer comes true I will become a believer.

[urzishra]

Incredible. I like the flying shark. Also, the jesus on a motorbike cutout.

[cfc]

^As Moses said, "Put your faith in the Lord and you will see Pharaoh's flying sharks no more!"

[Electerik]

Instead of fireworks, the park closed with Jesus being crucified, whips and blood and all.

 

I think they still do that, but we were done with the park well before closing, and didn't want to wait that long for it.

 

Soooo.... Erik & Smisty's Las Vegas Oddventures coming soon?

 

I currently have no plans for that. Largely because I mostly stopped updating this one a while back. I wouldn't want to start something new unless I was fairly committed to it. On the other hand, our lifestyle and working arrangements will be different in Las Vegas, so who can say?

 

But I'll definitely do some trip reports again in the not-too-distant future, and maybe even some from our upcoming trip.