Electerik

It was on our 'possibilities' list! But we didn't quite make it over there. As I recall, there was some kind of 4D theater thing it was paired with, but that seemed weak. If it had been a proper flying theater, we probably would've done it.

We planned two days on our own in Helsinki, after the end of the TPR trip, in order to do Erik & Smisty things. And we did! Here are the less good ones. (I don't know, it just worked out that way.) 26: Cork Is Sorry Up bright and early, but it's hard to tell because our hotel is in Finland and that's where the sun lives. Gotta have some beans and a donut to get me going, though. Helsinki is nice, and I'm happy to spend time in pretty much any northern European city--or really almost anywhere that I've never been. But, having said that, it's no Stockholm. Ooh, a grocery store! Yes, we're easily amused. OR We're fun and you're the problem. Ever think of that?? This seems like an unhealthy selection of breakfast cereals even by American standards. And I eat beans and donuts for breakfast, Speaking of unhealthy and American: I'd been looking for this particular Ben & Jerry's flavor the entire trip, after having encountered it at Gröna Lund in 2019., and really enjoying it. (Apparently it's a UK "only" flavor.) Okay, now that you mention it, "baby back ribs" is a pretty weird name for a food already, but leaving the word 'back' out of it doesn't make it better. Helsinkians really provide for their seagulls. Helsinkites? Helsinks? (I would go with 'Hellions' if it were me.) Time to ferry about! No wait, ferries carry cars. Water taxi? We're gonna ride on a boat boat, is my point. "Switch costumes, you ignominious pretender!" If you understand this reference, congratulations! You are unique in all the world and also you're me and your brain is broken. We did not ride the SkyWheel Helsinki, so I cannot say whether or not licorice consumption is required onboard. But what I can tell you is that the single brown cabin is the world's only sauna on a Ferris wheel. Actually, I'm just assuming it's the world's only. Their website actually says, "world's first," which seems to imply that someone else has since built another one. However, I can find no evidence of this. Which forces me to consider the even more insane possibility that SkyWheel Helsinki was so sure someone else would immediately copy this idea that they just went with 'first' right out of the gate. And here we arrive at our destination: Korkeasaari Zoo, which is located on an island. Just to reiterate: this entire island is a zoo. Which is awesome. But, to be honest, it feel less like an island that they brought a bunch of zoo animals to, and more like an island that just kind of had some animals on it already, so they declared it a zoo. So, the location is cool, but is the zoo actually any good? Well, no. Did you not read the last caption? But perhaps I'm being too harsh. It does have this leopard. And a statue of a goat. Note the building in the background. Which is a restaurant named--and I swear I'm not making this up--Restaurant Pukki. Which did not make us vomit, I am happy to say. Probably the most interesting animals at Korkeasaari, Amur tigers. Other things of note: Korkeasaari is the largest zoo in Finland, was established in 1899, and is open year round. These are also animals of some kind. Karhulinna means "bear castle." Yep, that's a bear. The old, no longer in use, bear castle. You know, from back when people thought that bears would be more comfortable in a castle than surrounded by trees and stuff. And that they might like being stared at by a mural of a tiger all day. Look, I'm pro-zoo, but just tear this thing down and never speak of it again, you know? "I bless the herpetariums of Afriii-cAsia!" Pop quiz: Is this snake from Africa or Asia? If it helps, I 100% do not remember because I didn't take a photo of the sign and it's been like 10 months since then and this is easily the longest trip report I've ever done and I'm starting to have regrets. I guess there's more to a zoo than just animals. There's also wooden planks. They're not exactly the word leader in gift shops, either. Wait, you can walk on and off this island? Why did we take a boat?? At this point, I can't really even get off on a naked statue unless there's a seagull on its head. We wanted to visit Stockmann for a few reasons. For one, it was recommended to us by one of Smisty's co-workers who used to live in Helsinki. Two, it's the largest department store in the Nordic countries, and we like going to stores and malls and things when we're visiting new places. And three, it was a possible place I might find a little something I was hoping to track down while in Helsinki. That third thing didn't really work out. As while I was able to confirm that it existed (in an employees-only area), I was not able to actually see or experience it. I know, I know, I'm being terribly mysterious. But I won't make you wait long. Just until the next update. Oh, wait...that could actually be awhile at the rate I'm going. You'll probably have forgotten all about it by then. Big store. Lots of different stuff. I don't know. Things adults like. We found our favorite section, toys! This game sucks. Okay, I feel better now. Ultimately, it is just a really big department (and grocery) store. But we enjoyed checking it out. Back out on the street, we get one of those classic European "this would be a national landmark in the US, but here it's a transit center" buildings. The Three Smiths Statue is the metaphorical center point of Helsinki. I think you're supposed to see this one before the parody of it at Linnanmäki (Three Smiths on a Break). Just one more day to go! Will I get it done before the end of April?? I mean, I have to get it done before the end of May. I can't take a whole year to finish this thing. Actually, maybe I'll just quit now. That would be funny. The end.

At last we come to the final park of the trip, Linnanmäki. The name means Water Castle Hill, but I think they should've included the word "rocky" in there somewhere, personally. 25: Sampo Circus The park was founded, and is still run, by the non-profit Children's Day Foundation. Entry is free, though one must of course pay for the attractions. Can you guess what year it first opened? The first ride of the day was Taiga, an Intamin LSM launch coaster not completely dissimilar in style to VelociCoaster. I think I like this one slightly more, though it does lack the theming of IOA's ride. Both are smooth and aggressive, but VelociCoster's first half feels like it's made up of smaller, more compact elements (which I guess I'm saying is less good). A pretty great ride, in any case. Taken through the window of the gift shop, because I'm artsy. Next door to Taiga is Kyöpelinvuoren Hotelli, the exterior of which is "shown" here, in this shot from the queue for the Ferris wheel--because, again, artsy. I had no idea this dark ride existed, and it was spectacular. It reminded me a lot of Blue Train, except where Blue Train is a celebration of random mix-and-match horror theming, Kyöpelinvuoren Hotelli has a consistent theme throughout--which might sound less interesting, in a way, but isn't because that theme is, "What if witches ran a hotel but a wizard showed up to fight them and got killed almost immediately and they also live in the hotel and there are werewolves too sometimes I guess." "Again!" Yes, the park has a fun house. But, it's a fairground-style trailer-mounted one. Better than not having a fun house though, to be sure! I'm not afraid to punch a seagull. I don't know what this is, but I appear to be having fun. I suppose you could classify it as a powered coaster, but I'm not sure what the point would be since no one should be counting powered coasters anyway. Goldballs modelling the next "what the hell is this?" ride. This dark ride I did know about. I had no idea so many coaster enthusiasts were coulrophobic. I thought it was great! (Giving Linnanmäki the best 1-2 dark ride punch of the trip.) Let me know if you want more pictures of terrifying dark ride clowns! Or witches! Or that one wizard guy who died. "Again"? Next door to the Clown Circus is this walk-through haunted house and mirror maze. Well lit and family-ish, but I really enjoyed it. They give you 3-D glasses, but they feel pretty unnecessary, to be honest. Some cool effects in the mirror maze, like glass that "breaks" to reveal monsters when triggered by passers-by. Some areas of Linnanmäki are themed and some aren't--or I just don't understand what those areas are themed to. Or, to put it another way, Linnanmäki is circus-themed except when it isn't, which is frequently. Don't tell me that doesn't make sense unless you've been there. There is no other theming of this kind in the park. Enjoy your pee! I think this photo was taken from the "sky cabin" style observation tower, Panoraama. Vuoristorata has a similar layout to Bakken's Rutschebanen, but this one is still breakman operated. (Er...brake-person operated?) Unfortunately, this one was rather rough and dull. Of course, I only rode it once (because it was rough and dull), and by its nature, one would expect some variation from ride to ride--but I can only judge by what I experienced. And what I experienced was pointless. RMC it! Bug Why, bug? Linnanmäki, that's why. There's something weirdly interesting about a monorail built through a multi-level park in such a way that it travels directly alongside pathways. In case it wasn't obvious, I fell in love with this park when we walked in. Hot dog, lunch! The train (which has a tiny graphic of a train on the front of it, presumably so that you'll know what it is once you get up close) travels around this water tower that doesn't have water in it, but can't be torn down for historic reasons. It can apparently have a roller coaster built inside of it, though. Linnunrata eXtra Linnunrata means "Milky Way" and eXtra means "stupid VR goggles that you shouldn't use because the inside of this ride is actually really nicely themed!" To space, obviously. Oh, and hey, Barry's back! He's been back for awhile actually. In fact, think he only missed, like, one park. Don't rely on me for news updates is what I'm saying. That looks cool. How do we get down there? For an extra thrill, ride your horsy along the edge of a rocky cliff. It's a walk-around character. Of some sort. Quick, walk around her! Quickly googles "Linnanmaki mascot." Oh, Rolle the Clown. Which, yeah, don't google that. She's not it. She's waaaaay less horrifying. Yes, Smisty and Goldballs are on this thing. Photo by me. Maybe this is more common than I think, but I've never seen a swinging ship ride with restraints that come down over your body and rows that face one another. We rode just because it seemed weird. The park's spinning coaster, Salama, was quite alarming in that the ride was janky and rough leaving the station and all the way to the top of the lift hill. But then it was fine and smooth and enjoyable. It was almost a feature. Like, let's make people think this ride is going to be horrible, but then it's fun actually! This area of the park is largely themed to the Finnish epic, Kalevala. And if you don't know what this, there's a chance you actually do. At least, if you've ever seen the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode featuring the Finnish/Russian film based on that mythology, "The Day the Earth Froze." That's right. The big metal thing shooting water and fire is, in fact, meant to be a Sampo. Wait...MST3K paired that film with a short called, "Here Comes the Circus." Oh. Your. God. That means that Linnanmäki is entirely themed after Episode 422 of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Pikajuna is a Mack powered coaster that was primarily interesting for how it intertwined with some of the park's other coasters. Speaking of Mack, we were warned that there's a reason Tulireki is the world's only Mack E-Motion Coaster. And during the first third, it didn't seem too bad. But oh that second third, the jack-hammering begins! And then the last third is kind of in-between, where it's just a little bit terrible. I am not an engineer, but I have to suspect that the drunken elves that move the seats a bit in relation to the chassis just don't have the magic to maintain their composure at the bottom of the drops. The park also has an upcharge Sea Life Aquarium. Well, not an upcharge, really, as the park is free to enter. So, just a charge, I guess. Maybe it's even weird to say, "the park has," since there's also an entrance from outside the park. Not that having to enter the park would be any great hindrance. Anyway, naked dudes eating ice cream. And one has a bird on his head. Just try that sh!t with me, gull. I'll mess you up. Can verify that the aquarium has an underwater tunnel, making it officially legitimate. It also put a little hat on a sea urchin, making it fun in a way that's kind of dubious. "Just try putting a hat on me, aquarium. I'll mess you up." I like Sea Life Aquariums. Maybe not quite as much as most city-run aquariums, but they'll do! Linnanmäki. It's great. Maybe their overall coaster collection is just okay, on average--but Taiga was really good and Salama and Linnunrata are both fun. Two wonderful dark rides, plus a walk-though and a fun house. An observation tower, monorail, Ferris wheel, aquarium. Some interesting flat rides and lots and lots of weirdness. Yeah, this is an Erik park. Score: 10 And so we say goodbye to TPR (here represented entirely by Robb). But--and I apologize in advance--this is not the last update, as we spent two more full days in Helsinki doing Erik & Smisty stuff. So stay tuned for: The elevator of death! A drab office building full of snakes! A really big store! An observation tower that's part of a stadium! A really tiny power plant! Baby ribs! Um...the airport! And more!

Was really looking forward to going to Japan next year and not being allowed to ride it.

I love Gröna Lund so much. Having said that, it would be nice if one of their 75 drop tower rides was an observation tower instead. I'm just saying.

Särkänniemi is a city-owned amusement park with a great location and an interesting and varied collection of attractions. Its coaster lineup is perhaps a bit lacking, though, and there aren't a whole bunch of them. Which is okay by me, but maybe left a lot of my fellow trip participants ready to move on well before I was. Which is a shame, as there are sections of this park I felt like I really had to rush through, and some areas I never even saw. 24: Born To Boom Näsinneula Observation Tower & Tornado greet us as we enter the park. Also, some really pretty benches, all at weird angles to make sitting more challenging and fun! Tornado's station is impressively dark and spooky and carved out of rock. And one of its two heartline rolls similarly sweeps under mountain. Which is cool, because when I think "Tornado," I think "underground caves." A good ride, but a bit rattly. On the other hand, I exclusively rode on the much less full train, and those on the more heavily-weighted train did not seem to agree with my 'rattly' accusation. So take that for what it's worth. Tornado intertwines with the park's log flume, Tukkijoki--which means "log nonsense" (maybe). Also, that "floating" faucet would maybe be more convincing if they, like, tried. Is it better to boom before pizza, or after? No, serious question. The park wants to know. It's hip and cool and for the trendy kids. Except that it is actually kind of cool looking. Oh, wait, if I think it's cool, then it definitely isn't, because I'm old and decidedly unhip. So I don't know what it is. It's the Park Shop. Beware of smartphone zombies. These symbols actually spell out a word! See it? All aboard the hype train! See, because, the ride is called Hype. And it has a train. Stop in the name of burger. Also, take off. Piggy Town is Pouta Pig's hometown. "Pouta" means dry weather in Finnish. And that's good weather for a candy cane. Thus, this photo. If you look closely you can not see me. Because I didn't ride it. But you can see Smusty and Goldirt. I did ride--and very much enjoyed--this seaside car ride, though. "The ride is calm, although the steep cliffs can be a bit exciting." Järvikaruselli is a beautiful old Schwarzkopf ride that's very gentle but still really fun. To stumble across it felt like finding a rare coin worth way more than the amount printed on it. MotoGee is a Zamperla straddle coaster (no, seriously...is that what we're calling them??) It was...fine, I guess? I barely remember it. Anyway, here's a photo of some random Fins acting like goons because they're about to ride it. Love when park guests treat photo ops like benches. Yeah, you're number 1, dude. Hope nobody else is here to have fun. That's pretty great for a bumper cars facade. Going up the observation tower for big time looking at stuff. Yes, here we are at the top of the Näsinneula (or, "Eye Stabber") Observation Tower. Except we're not quite at the top, because there's a ceiling above us. And above that, another floor! Looking down on the rapids ride and petting zoo kids farm area. A group of us had lunch at the Observation Tower's rotating restaurant. Here you can see Misty doing that thing where you're so focused on making every other part of the photo work that you forget to pose yourself. Culturally, full-service dining in Finland is meant to be relaxed and unrushed--even more so than in the Netherlands. So the decision to eat here (admittedly, championed largely by me) certainly contributed to my having less time to explore the rest of the park. So at least some blame on myself for that whole situation. I do not remember what this was, exactly. But I don't remember anything not being good. Except for the first drop, you can see most of Tornado's layout here--among other things. The non-amusement park we visited in the last update can be seen off to the right across the water. Särkänniemi also has an aquarium, located at the base of the Tower. Slither Fish Koskiseikkailu, which means "butt splasher." No, I'm never going to get tired of these dumb translation jokes. See? Proof that what I said was true. The Doghill Fairytale Farm area of the park. I'm not sure if I saw all of it or not, but what I saw I liked. Raatiuone means "Town Hall." No, wait, it does actually. However, I believe it was a bakery or something. Certainly, there was no lively local political debate, much to my disappointment. Okay, loaded fries. And some kind of kebab. And um.... Okay, wow. And a vegan thing. Got it. This is like a haunted indoor play structure, or something? (A rather unkind description of me, but sure, I guess so.) Oh, Mr. Fancypants Child has to be led to the haunted play structure on a horse. Lad-di-da! I don't know what's wrong with me. But thanks for wondering! Sheeeeeeep! See, it's cute. It's a fun area. This area needs a dark ride. And by "this area" I mean "this park." But I feel that way about every area and every park. Sometimes I'm on a dark ride and I think, "Hmm, you know what this dark ride needs? A dark ride." Park Score: Um, I'm not sure? There are some rides I was interested in but never made it on. I dunno. 6 or 7? Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and go with 7. Next up: The final park of the trip!

Correct.

There were three total "travel days" on this trip, one of which was to get to Power Park, and one of which was to get away from Power Park. This is that last one. 23: Mixed Blueberry Feelings Traditional Finnish breakfast things and also beans to keep the English tourists happy. Goodbye, Power Park, my weird new friend! Stopped off at some random rest stop with fancy pay toilets, groceries, and souvenirs. And also they make cheese curds. Or I guess cheese. Both really. This photo is ridiculous. Anyway, here we are in Tampere, Finland--the largest inland city in the Nordic countries, and allegedly the sauna capital of the world. Plus, they have a Taco Bell. So that's exciting. Taco Bell's are a bit different in this part of the world. We arrived in Tampere just in time for Midsummer, which many Fins celebrate with human sacrifice and not being in cities. So that was interesting timing in that it meant that a lot of the museums and such were closed. Impenetrable. Not sure why this mermaid was crying. Probably because of something Bert did. Does this make drowning oneself easier or harder? Discuss. Oh, look where we all just accidentally ended up...! The park was still open for a couple of hours, but we were just here to take photo from across the water. In retrospect, I wish I'd gone in, considering what would happen the next day. But here, that just seemed like a waste of time, money, and effort. Bike lanes are complicated here. A sitty park across the bay. See what I did there? The same park, just at a smaller scale. Tampere was very pleasant to stroll around, and it seems like there are a lot of museums you could check out if you're there at not the wrong time. Incidentally, the name of this statue is "Memorial of the Shipwreck of Steamboat Kuru," in case that's not obvious. Okay, just two more parks to go! (And then like two or three more updates after that.)

Echoing what Bert said. Hopefully it was insured in a way that will allow the park to rebuild it fairly quickly.

Grew up with Monte. Hate to see it go. But it sounds like the park didn't really want to get rid of it, so I'll give them credit for that (even if I wasn't too excited by what they were planning to do to it). Considering the footprint left behind, perhaps one of those new Vekoma Super Boomerangs might work there.

We actually didn't ride it...because you told us they wouldn't let you take photos!

At the beginning of these trips, Smisty and I generally keep to ourselves, snarling and hissing at anyone who tries to talk to us. But, by the end, we usually loosen up and have learned the names of two or sometimes even three of our fellow travelers. I tell you this because I feel like the following trip report contains a slightly higher percentage of photos with other trip participants in it than I normally post--and also because I like writing a few sentences before the title. 22: The Happiest People in the World The "main" entrance to PowerPark. Look, don't worry about what the sign says. Nothing here makes sense. This park has two Gerstlauer infinity coasters, with the same color scheme, and the same trains, right next to each other. It's such a weird move that I actually love it. But I'm an enthusiast. I can't believe it's really a good idea when it comes to the general public, though: "Did you go on the green one?" "No, I don't like going upside down." "Dude, it didn't go upside down." "Shut your human face, garbage man. It most certainly did do the loop-de-loops!" "Wait...you went to PowerPark, right?" "Nah, bro, Powerland." "Apologies, sauce nugget. The fool is I." "No concerns, home entertainment system. Let us go have a milkshake and a game of chess." This is Junker. Everyone loved it. Well....almost everyone. Of course, I also had no idea what had just happened, because they wouldn't let me wear my glasses. So there's that. When my dog wants to leave the dog park, he goes and sits by the gate. Anyway, here's Misty having a sit by the Mexican restaurant sign. It was a buffet, where you try to make tacos out of whatever weird things the Finns think seem Mexican. It was okay, but mostly because I'm awesome. I tried to order the fanciest ice cream concoction on the menu, but ended up with the most basic one. Bit of a language barrier problem, I fear. Or maybe the girl just didn't like me. Hard to say. But what I can say is that "happiest" is not the same thing as "friendliest." This is the Kwai Bridge. Well, not *the* Kwai Bridge, I suppose. Just Powerland's version of it. Also pictured is Kwai River, which travels on the bridge. At least, for some of it. Look, it'll make more sense in the next photo. It really doesn't. But I'll try to explain: The super flume leaves the station, travels along the bridge for a bit, then dives under the bridge, makes a sharp right, and then drops again. It's kind of like a double down with a curve in the middle. It's pretty fun, but what it has to do with a bridge across a river in Indonesia and/or the associated 1957 academy award winning film is beyond me. Wait... Junker, Pitts Special, River Kwai...is this park secretly themed to World War 2? How wet is the flume ride? Well, that depends. Are you one of 6 Americans who decided to ride together? You may have noticed a wooden coaster in the background of a couple of the previous photos. That would be Thunderbird. While smooth, there was no airtime to be found. Of course, it was just me and Goldballs in the front of one of the first trains of the day, so it probably wasn't running at its fastest. It's worth mentioning that between the brake run and the station is a 180-degree turn and the transfer track. It takes approximately the same length of time to traverse these two sections as it does to do the entire rest of the ride. Which is to say that it's laughably slow. But, hey, it made me laugh. Bert and Smisty were on the train behind us. They got stuck on the brakes. Which is doubly hilarious when you realize that once their train got moving again, it still had to do the turn and transfer track. What must they have thought during that? While I didn't get any good photos, quite a few rides in the park have signs that basically say, "Hey, when this ride breaks down, just sit tight. Help is on the way." Which I found quite amusing. Oh, a fun house! Themed to construction workers...? Alright, sure. This spinning tunnel really should've been made to look like a cement mixer in some way. Come on, guys. Wait, what is Bert taking a photo of? (For the record, I did not mean that last caption literally.) Anyway, it's not Gröna Lund, but it is a fun house. So...yay! Here's something Gröna Lund doesn't have: a large forested troll village that was used to film a movie! Sure, you've never heard of that movie. But nevertheless. Smisty posing with Rölli the Troll (who is not, in fact, a troll...don't ask) and Mormon Zelda, who may or may not be a fair forest maiden, or rather an effeminate man. I did not see any signage indicating that you *couldn't* lay on the bed. I mean, I didn't. But just know that, in America, we call that an invitation. "By my dirty toes!" That's Rölli's catchphrase. Yes, seriously. Oh, an actual Technical Park ride! How exciting! You guys have fun! They said it was good. They're idiots. It's like Legoland except everything is made out of weird. Hawk & Doug having just enjoyed Neo's Twister. I'm not sure who Neo is, but the ride has a split lift and spun me whilst air-timing me into that metal seat divider bar in a way that was painfully funny. So, new mouse manufacturer credit for me here in Fabbri. The paradox of making a thing totally insane by trying to make it make sense. I nearly didn't ride Pitts Special because I didn't really like Junker, don't much care for Gerstlauer Eurofighters/Infinity Coasters anyway, can't stand vertical lifts, figured that I wouldn't be able to wear my glasses on this one either, and others in the group said this was rougher. But I really liked the look of the layout and was intrigued by the lack of inversions, so I gave it a shot. And, yes, I liked it much more than Junker. There was one fairly nasty jolt about halfway through, but beyond that I wouldn't call it rough, it had some nice airtime, and yeah...I just really liked the layout (other than the lift). "Enjoyable ride that gives you tickles you tummy with its' whirling and up-and-down motion. Fun and suitable for all!" [sic] [sick] Joyride. Also known as, the coaster this park chose to put VR goggles on for a couple of years until everyone came to their collective senses. A view from the Ferris wheel. Note the Road House in the upper left of the photo. Also note the Frisbee thing that slices through a house. Also note the mini golf course and the small yellow and green ride that's kind of like a spinning ball bit but is sadly only for children. Just note everything. Seems dirty. Inside the restaurant that the outside of was in the background of the previous photo. Sometimes I can't tell if English is nonsense or I just don't know how to use it. By the time we got to this area of the park, this was closed for the day. Which is a shame. I mean, I wouldn't have ridden it, as I rather enjoy having two eyes--but I would've liked to have watched other people fall off of it. Ah yes, the Devil's Mine Hotel. So...is it a hotel in a mine? Or a mine in a hotel? And the devil owns both of them? This dark ride is interesting in that every successful shot scores (only) one point, you have a limited number of shots (which is fairly high, but you can still run out if you just go crazy), and at one point (for no discernible reason and seemingly connected to nothing) you come around a corner and are greeted by an audio recording of Jim Carrey saying, "Alrighty then!" Regular animals *and* dinosaurs, but for some reason you're not allowed to take photos on this ride? The day was winding down and the park was getting ready to close. Which meant ERT on Junker for most of the group. But we wanted to play their mini golf course. Each hole had two suggested "solutions," one easy and one difficult. This proved to be rather misleading though, as almost every hole was quite difficult regardless of approach. Quite a pleasing course visually, though. And not without little challenges. Mini golf conquered (or at least survived), it was back to the Road House for dinner. Wait, what? As "Junker" looked unavailable, we ate at Boulevard Bistro, which was pretty good. certainly better than the food that had been available in the park. And this "brezel" ( a cross between a breeze and an Edsel?) belongs on the trip's Mount Dessertmore. Such a weird park. But, hey, it's me. Score: 9

His real name is Andrew. He needed a nickname.

^ Well, I'm glad to hear that the ride op cared about your marriage.

Mostly a travel day. But that's not to say it wasn't interesting. 21: Delicious Nut Cheese Remember: You can't spell Stockholm without ABBA. Yeah, that's cute. But where's our plane? If visiting other countries and seeing how they do things is a little bit weird (which is the point, of course), then Finland is another step up from where we've been so far. Not that this photo really shows that. In fact, this looks a bit like Germany. It's not, though. What are you accusing me of...? Arrived at our onsite hotel at Power Park. The story I heard is that there's a family that got rich running a power utility, but one of the kids grew up with no real business acumen, so they just give him money to play around with his theme park. Of course, I've also heard that this is the northernmost amusement park in the world, that the Finns are the happiest people on Earth, and that that there are people--even in the US--that actually like ABBA. So who knows what's true? We're staying in Baba Yaga's chicken-legged hut. But Texas was also apparently an option. This large modern-looking building next to the hotel seemed to be part convention center, part movie theater. We probably should've spent more time investigating, but Mr. Bobcorn scared me off. [Photo by Andy] The TPR Grand Prix was originally supposed to be the day after Power Park, but we made such good time here they decided to do it the day before Power Park instead. I say, "they" because Smisty, Goldballs, and I weren't too interested. Instead, we walked over to Road House. It's about 1 kilometer away from the hotel. Or, in other words, I have no idea. It rather looks like a grocery store from the outside, but it's more like a tiny mall. Okay, sure. Well, everyone needs to have their dreams. This is actually a really clever caption, as it's a quote from The Spy Who Loved Me. See, when Bond.... Nevermind. I'm not going to say who I think this is supposed to be, because I fear it will just make *me* look racist. As Scandinavia is to the world in its love of licorice, so Finland is to Scandinavia. Which is to say the Finns are *really* into it. Happily, the mall that looks like a grocery store from the outside does in fact have a grocery store inside. And I'm pretty sure the whole place is owned by Power Park. I may have mentioned this before, but at the start of the trip I was willing to try some licorice things. But by this point, I was in no mood for double layer licorice. Ta-da! I tried to look this up on google maps to see if this structure had a name or something. No luck there, but I did find the gas station, which has 5 reviews, the top one of which reads, in its entirety: "Good liquid." Now that's a skyline. Back at the hotel, the lobby of which is themed to...um...boaty stuff? TPR dinner and Grand Prix awards presentation. I don't remember who won. I just know I'm a loser. Wow. Dark. And also, why? Dinner was quite good, but very long. Turns out this is a Finnish thing. We encountered it in the Netherlands as well in 2019, but it's even more pronounced here. Fancy dinners aren't fast. If it's '69, you were expecting me! See, in Moonraker.... Every part of the hotel had a door or a gate with a code on it. It's like the world's most whimsical prison. Turns out we could've watched the Grand Prix from our room. Yeah, Finland. This is where the trip report is going to get good! Just kidding. It will never get good. And also, I do kind of like ABBA. Moonraker sucks, though.

Collect them both! Stockholm is my favorite city--at least of those I've visited thus far.

Achievement unlocked! Obviously, Blue Train is mostly just a collection of unrelated horror gags. But it makes me wonder: What if there was a ride with the aesthetics of Blue Train, but that had a more consistent theme, and a more cohesive narrative? Hmm, I wonder. (Psst, come back in like 5 updates if you wonder similarly!)

^ I had actually encountered him earlier as well! Unrelated to that, a bit of bookkeeping: To my chagrin, in going through photos for the next update, I've discovered the thing that I named update #14 after. Meaning that I named that update inappropriately by using that particular name far too soon. Therefore, I have gone back and renamed update 14, and will be using its previous name for the next update. I feel it's important to prepare everyone for this, since I am sure you are all paying so much attention, that to not inform you now would be quite jarring when the next update comes. You're welcome.

The 2019 trip ended in Stockholm, allowing us to spend a couple of extra days in the city afterward, and I absolutely fell in love with the place. Not a ton of extra time to explore this time around, but at least we got to go back to my all-time second favorite park, Gröna Lund. 20: Blue Train The main entrance (I guess). This one takes you into the smaller, more kid-oriented section of the park. The other main entrance. Just over a bit. But we don't want to go in here! No, no, no. I don't think I rode Tuff-Tuff Tåget on the previous trip. Which I shouldn't have mentioned to Goldballs, because he then insisted that we ride it. So now I have that credit. Yay. I thought Tivoli Gardens was the first time I'd seen a carousel with a ladder up to an animal, but now I'm questioning everything. Note the sign in the back left for "Pettson Findus Varld." I missed this last time. (I think it opens late and closes early.) Sebastian here was quite happy to see me visiting his little corner of the park. I don't think they let him out much. It's a walk-through farmhouse from a series of Swedish children's books about Pettson the farmer and his cat, Findus. I imagine that a lot of the fun comes from finding things you recognize from the books, all of which was lost on me. But it was weird, so I still liked it (in sort of a minor way). This section of the park is very nice, but everything you actually care about is on the other side. So, yes, I've been wasting your time. The covered bridge over an access road that connects to the main area of the park. Why, hello! Who's your new friend? Was that creepy? I was going for creepy. Vilda Musen is an excellent "Wild Mouse." And the quotes are entirely called for, because it's only really a wild mouse in much the same way that bats are really birds. I can say whatever I want in these updates. No one really reads them or wants to argue anymore. I did not participate in the water cup challenge. Though I did participate in getting wet from other people participating in the water cup challenge. As I recall, Ryan did excellently well. At least until one second after I distracted him with this photo when he hit the station brakes and lost most of what was in his cup. Vilda Musen is probably my favorite coaster at Gröna Lund and also exits into a candy store, which is a weird coincidence. House of Nightmares is a Sally walk-through haunted house, which doesn't even seem like it would be a thing, but it is and it's fun. I think it's also an upcharge...? Honestly, and perhaps unwisely, money is the first thing I stop paying attention to on these trips, so who knows. God, I have to walk through this thing? With my feet?! How about you put in a little cart to carry me around? That would really save you some money on painted arrows. Inspired by the murder house, I requested something sharp. It's one of the more subtle cultural things, but they don't cut your pizza for you in Scandinavia. You have to do it yourself, like a peasant. Actually, come to think of it, they don't cut your pizza for you in the US either. They just make little lines on it as though they've cut it, and then don't give you anything sharp. This coaster is called, "Kvasten," which means "Broom." I assume as in, "Witch's Broom," but I kind of like the idea that it could just as easily have been called "Bucket" or something. Blå Tåget is amazing and basically the only thing Goldballs and I talk about no matter where we are or what we're doing. The name translates literally to "Blue Train," but is culturally more like "Crazy Train," because the blue line went to the insane asylum or something? We rode Blue Train multiple times, of course. But on one of our rides, right at the beginning, it broke down. Possibly because of us, and possibly because we're fat. But whatever. The maintenance guy came out, messed around with our lapbar, and then the ride started up again. Except the lights stayed on the whole ride. Which might've been bad if this had been our first or only ride. But was amazing as it was. So enjoy a couple of 'lights on' photos of Blå Tåget. Um, on second thought. One of the great things about Gröna Lund is how rides are built over and through one another. Twister, their weird little wooden coaster, was down for an extended refurb. But that's okay, we rode it last time. Unlike Smisty, I can take or leave spinning. But this is a Schwarzkopf, so I'm in. And also, it's adorable. Just look at it! Gröna Lund is also a seaside park, because why give other parks a chance? I'm not sure why this particular pathway is super Art Deco--but I like it, obviously. I also like Jetline quite a bit, which had been the park's signature coaster until Monster opened. This is my jam. This is not my jam. But Smisty and Goldballs seem to be "enjoying" it. No, wait, this is my jam. Gröna Lund has the best fun house I've ever been in. But maybe there's a better one somewhere. Quick, somebody tell me where it is so I can plan a trip there. Not so much a slide as a conveyor belt. And also weird stairs. A view of one of Monster's beefy supports from the fun house. Elissa, you know you can ask for your own boat, right? I mean, they gave Misty one. So they clearly have a "weird husband" exception, if nothing else. This husband is so weird they don't even require his wife to be in the same country. I was really trying to tie that in to the previous caption--and, you know, make a whole thing out of this Tunnel of Love attraction--but I can admit when it's just not working. Not that I'm going to change it, mind you. Insane, Monster. Monster, Insane. Sorry, ahem, "Insane!" Wait, how did we get in this coaster's maintenance bay? That's Insane! Apologies to everyone on this train who clearly didn't realize that I was taking a photo. Yes, it's Monster, emerging from its underground station. The very same underground station we toured the construction of back in 2019! And this thing is great. The station, I mean. But also the ride itself. It's all great. This park is great. 10. Gröna Lund is a 10. Wait, I'm not done yet. Sorry. I got excited. Ooh, the back alley challenge! Get your minds out of the gutter! More often than not, I tend not to be super into B&M inverts. In fact, there are really only, like, two that I think are actually properly good. Well, I guess three now. And this is one of them. (Not that anyone asked, but the other two are Afterburn and OzIris.) Can I live here? In the park, I mean. I'll be very quiet. You probably won't even notice me. If you'd like to see more photos of Blue Train with the lights on, just reply with any lyric from "I Am Not Your Broom" by They Might Be Giants. Next up: We say goodby to Sweden and hello to Finland!

Got to ride Högspänningen in 2019 and thought it was pretty cool! I believe Toverland also has one of these, but it might've been closed the day we were there? Just as it was closed both days at Liseberg this time. So, yeah, fun ride, but based purely on my experience, maybe not terribly reliable. It would seem that the manufacturer is a German company called Metallbau Emmeln, and there are maybe 9 or 10 of these "Flying Wheels" out there.

Kolmården Wildlife Park is the second park on the trip that Misty and I had previously visited in 2019. It's quite large, very hilly, and mostly a zoo. But it does have a two big "worth the price of admission" attractions, at least one of which I really like. 19: Another Way to Stimulate Lions The park was considerably less busy than on our previous visit, but nonetheless opened up the back parking lot and gate for our group, so we could start and end near the good stuff. Safari is a 26-and-a-half minute sky ride over large naturalistic animal enclosures that crisscrosses itself several times. For me, this is the highlight of the park, and I rode it 4 or 5 times on this visit. This animal is called a "giraff" in Swedish, which is not as interesting as I thought it would be. How straight men sit together on a bench seat. Björn. Watusi Boskap Älg and bebis älg. Löpeld As the park was not at all busy, Wildfire only ran one train all day, making it quite tricky to get a decent photo of the ride with a train in it from Safari. I do wish the gondola in the lower left was less behind a tree, but at least you can also see what a pretty area Kolmården is. A backstage tour of where the gondolas sleep at night and recharge the batteries on their audio systems. (Onboard narration being available in Swedish, Finnish, and English.) Now on foot, we explore the other animal areas of the park. Where all the cool kids hang out. "Man, screw you guys." Saddest show ever. (But good on them for still doing it, I reckon.) Smisty learning that we cannot, in fact, leave the park to visit the aquarium on the other side of the main parking lot, because Kolmården Wildlife Park does not allow reentry, and you can't even buy tickets or enter within 2 hours of closing time. This was 3 hours before park close, but that would've only given us an hour to cross the parking lot on foot, visit the aquarium, and hoof it back--with failure to reenter Kolmården in time meaning we would have to walk around the park on winding mountain roads (without sidewalks) to get back to the rear parking lot and the bus. Hey guys, whatever your beef with the aquarium is, leave us out of it. The escalator of shame. The park covers 1.5 square kilometers, which is approximately 370 McDonald's parking lots in American. Discovered an area I hadn't seen on the previous trip. Not really sure what it was. Maybe like a summer camp? But this building was open--and having never seen a horror movie, I ventured in. At which point my skin started burning and I had to flee. I'll be safe here in Tiger World! Best photo ever? Two slices of cheese on a basic theme park burger?! Are we in Wisconsin? Well, a lot of Swedes are. Hmmm. Wildfire's cool but weirdly-orientated sign. Where the Wildfire trains sleep at night. Snapped this pic while no one was looking. Now I have the plans and can build my own! I gave it a courtesy ride during ERT. That's 2 rides total now. I guess I like it slightly more this time? Oh, is this a good time to mention that I'm an RMC hater? Hater is probably too strong. To me, they're basically just fast, forceless, family coasters that are hard to breath during due to the restraints. Lots of folks seemed super into it, though. And I'll admit that it's pretty. One more shot of Wildfire for you. For you. Not for me. Erik's Score: 5 Next up: The park Wildfire would be in if there was room for it there.

Ah, but you would've known exactly what it was if you'd read my 2019 trip report! Also, that plastic was workmanlike, at best.

^ Indeed. And congrats on finishing your trip report ahead of me this time!

As previously mentioned, but just forget about that so it doesn't seem like I'm repeating myself, no one in our group had ever been to Furuvik. Not even Robb or Elissa, who've both been to Antarctica, Mars, and Narnia. But now we all have. Meh. 18: Science Gun Where Skara Sommerland is mostly a waterpark with a rides area, Furuvik is mostly a zoo with a ride section. Which sounds way better to me and it is. The park is most famous for killing chimpanzees. And, before that, for having a chimpanzee that wanted to harm humans. It's actually a pretty sad story. The first one I mentioned, that is. The second one is hilarious. The Chain Flyer, which I'm pretty sure is my new favorite name for a ride of this type. Ferris wheel could be a bit bigger, though. Lightning is the park's newest and biggest coaster. And it's fun and smooth and family and new Vekoma. But the park lacks a true thrill coaster. Which is probably the main reason none of our group had ever been here before. It kind of felt like it should be weaving in and out of a big man-made mountain or something. Smisty decided to go on their Mondial Top Scan with a bunch of other TPR folks, who all hopped right off at the end of the ride and abandoned her. I would've helped but I was otherwise engaged. Ladies and gentlemen, Spökjakten--Sweden's only shooting dark ride. Science guy animatronic in the queue. This was actually quite good. But I daresay I like dark rides better than roller coasters. At least in the sense that some roller coasters are good and some are bad, but even a bad dark ride is still good. The park's other family Vekoma, Fireball. Fireball is a family boomerang. Spökjakten is by Sally. And God is H Julet. Circus-themed fast food restaurant. It was...okay-ish. I don't know what's going on here. Bees with butt-faces? Smisty living her best life. A lot of the park looks like this. And while they don't have a lot of your fancy-pants A-list animals (lions, tigers, elephants, giraffes, zebras, hippos, bears, etc.), they do have...um...chimps. I mean, not as many as they use to, obviously. But still. They do have a reptile house, though. So that's good. Danger noodle! Across the bay, you can allegedly see Finland. I'm not exactly sure what the cross is about. But let's just assume that the Swedes are defending against Finnish vampires. Low bridge. A couple of people in our group mentioned this cracked-out boat ride, but we couldn't even find it on the map! I was starting to think we were being pranked. A wild Goldballs appears, to make this even more of a bad idea! Joking aside, this kind of thing is the reason I travel to Europe (or anywhere) to visit theme parks. It certainly isn't to ride SLC's. Camel backs. Jason basking in the shame of having just participated in whatever was happening here. Furuvik Final Score: 4 Apparently there was a whole weird cold war era military base section that I missed entirely. The bus needed to stop on the way back to Stockholm. Apparently, this was once some sort of Swedish-Chinese cultural center slash tourist attraction. Now it's a gas station. And a final stop at Hammarbybacken for quick ride on their single-rail alpine coaster. Do people who count coasters count these? Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!! And then I died. The end.

Bert, Bert, Bert...were you not paying attention during Underlandet at all?! It's all perfectly simple: Måns Tråk is not a magician, he just a Grinch-type who hates amusement parks. Which is why he constantly tries to interfere with the work of the Green Bunnies (Kanina, Kanne, Lisen, Berg, Fixa, and Julius) as they (semi-secretly) run the park above (growing vegetables, making ice cream, filling balloons, powering the rides, and, um, pooping). Now, I know what you're thinking: "Well, then, what's the deal with Kanne doing magic at the end there?" Oh, you silly boy! Kanne is a magician, and was the whole time! And as for Julius, he's white because he's the Green Bunnies' cousin from the North Pole. Duh.