Electerik

Mostly a travel day. But that's not to say it wasn't interesting. 21: Delicious Nut Cheese Remember: You can't spell Stockholm without ABBA. Yeah, that's cute. But where's our plane? If visiting other countries and seeing how they do things is a little bit weird (which is the point, of course), then Finland is another step up from where we've been so far. Not that this photo really shows that. In fact, this looks a bit like Germany. It's not, though. What are you accusing me of...? Arrived at our onsite hotel at Power Park. The story I heard is that there's a family that got rich running a power utility, but one of the kids grew up with no real business acumen, so they just give him money to play around with his theme park. Of course, I've also heard that this is the northernmost amusement park in the world, that the Finns are the happiest people on Earth, and that that there are people--even in the US--that actually like ABBA. So who knows what's true? We're staying in Baba Yaga's chicken-legged hut. But Texas was also apparently an option. This large modern-looking building next to the hotel seemed to be part convention center, part movie theater. We probably should've spent more time investigating, but Mr. Bobcorn scared me off. [Photo by Andy] The TPR Grand Prix was originally supposed to be the day after Power Park, but we made such good time here they decided to do it the day before Power Park instead. I say, "they" because Smisty, Goldballs, and I weren't too interested. Instead, we walked over to Road House. It's about 1 kilometer away from the hotel. Or, in other words, I have no idea. It rather looks like a grocery store from the outside, but it's more like a tiny mall. Okay, sure. Well, everyone needs to have their dreams. This is actually a really clever caption, as it's a quote from The Spy Who Loved Me. See, when Bond.... Nevermind. I'm not going to say who I think this is supposed to be, because I fear it will just make *me* look racist. As Scandinavia is to the world in its love of licorice, so Finland is to Scandinavia. Which is to say the Finns are *really* into it. Happily, the mall that looks like a grocery store from the outside does in fact have a grocery store inside. And I'm pretty sure the whole place is owned by Power Park. I may have mentioned this before, but at the start of the trip I was willing to try some licorice things. But by this point, I was in no mood for double layer licorice. Ta-da! I tried to look this up on google maps to see if this structure had a name or something. No luck there, but I did find the gas station, which has 5 reviews, the top one of which reads, in its entirety: "Good liquid." Now that's a skyline. Back at the hotel, the lobby of which is themed to...um...boaty stuff? TPR dinner and Grand Prix awards presentation. I don't remember who won. I just know I'm a loser. Wow. Dark. And also, why? Dinner was quite good, but very long. Turns out this is a Finnish thing. We encountered it in the Netherlands as well in 2019, but it's even more pronounced here. Fancy dinners aren't fast. If it's '69, you were expecting me! See, in Moonraker.... Every part of the hotel had a door or a gate with a code on it. It's like the world's most whimsical prison. Turns out we could've watched the Grand Prix from our room. Yeah, Finland. This is where the trip report is going to get good! Just kidding. It will never get good. And also, I do kind of like ABBA. Moonraker sucks, though.

Collect them both! Stockholm is my favorite city--at least of those I've visited thus far.

Achievement unlocked! Obviously, Blue Train is mostly just a collection of unrelated horror gags. But it makes me wonder: What if there was a ride with the aesthetics of Blue Train, but that had a more consistent theme, and a more cohesive narrative? Hmm, I wonder. (Psst, come back in like 5 updates if you wonder similarly!)

^ I had actually encountered him earlier as well! Unrelated to that, a bit of bookkeeping: To my chagrin, in going through photos for the next update, I've discovered the thing that I named update #14 after. Meaning that I named that update inappropriately by using that particular name far too soon. Therefore, I have gone back and renamed update 14, and will be using its previous name for the next update. I feel it's important to prepare everyone for this, since I am sure you are all paying so much attention, that to not inform you now would be quite jarring when the next update comes. You're welcome.

The 2019 trip ended in Stockholm, allowing us to spend a couple of extra days in the city afterward, and I absolutely fell in love with the place. Not a ton of extra time to explore this time around, but at least we got to go back to my all-time second favorite park, Gröna Lund. 20: Blue Train The main entrance (I guess). This one takes you into the smaller, more kid-oriented section of the park. The other main entrance. Just over a bit. But we don't want to go in here! No, no, no. I don't think I rode Tuff-Tuff Tåget on the previous trip. Which I shouldn't have mentioned to Goldballs, because he then insisted that we ride it. So now I have that credit. Yay. I thought Tivoli Gardens was the first time I'd seen a carousel with a ladder up to an animal, but now I'm questioning everything. Note the sign in the back left for "Pettson Findus Varld." I missed this last time. (I think it opens late and closes early.) Sebastian here was quite happy to see me visiting his little corner of the park. I don't think they let him out much. It's a walk-through farmhouse from a series of Swedish children's books about Pettson the farmer and his cat, Findus. I imagine that a lot of the fun comes from finding things you recognize from the books, all of which was lost on me. But it was weird, so I still liked it (in sort of a minor way). This section of the park is very nice, but everything you actually care about is on the other side. So, yes, I've been wasting your time. The covered bridge over an access road that connects to the main area of the park. Why, hello! Who's your new friend? Was that creepy? I was going for creepy. Vilda Musen is an excellent "Wild Mouse." And the quotes are entirely called for, because it's only really a wild mouse in much the same way that bats are really birds. I can say whatever I want in these updates. No one really reads them or wants to argue anymore. I did not participate in the water cup challenge. Though I did participate in getting wet from other people participating in the water cup challenge. As I recall, Ryan did excellently well. At least until one second after I distracted him with this photo when he hit the station brakes and lost most of what was in his cup. Vilda Musen is probably my favorite coaster at Gröna Lund and also exits into a candy store, which is a weird coincidence. House of Nightmares is a Sally walk-through haunted house, which doesn't even seem like it would be a thing, but it is and it's fun. I think it's also an upcharge...? Honestly, and perhaps unwisely, money is the first thing I stop paying attention to on these trips, so who knows. God, I have to walk through this thing? With my feet?! How about you put in a little cart to carry me around? That would really save you some money on painted arrows. Inspired by the murder house, I requested something sharp. It's one of the more subtle cultural things, but they don't cut your pizza for you in Scandinavia. You have to do it yourself, like a peasant. Actually, come to think of it, they don't cut your pizza for you in the US either. They just make little lines on it as though they've cut it, and then don't give you anything sharp. This coaster is called, "Kvasten," which means "Broom." I assume as in, "Witch's Broom," but I kind of like the idea that it could just as easily have been called "Bucket" or something. Blå Tåget is amazing and basically the only thing Goldballs and I talk about no matter where we are or what we're doing. The name translates literally to "Blue Train," but is culturally more like "Crazy Train," because the blue line went to the insane asylum or something? We rode Blue Train multiple times, of course. But on one of our rides, right at the beginning, it broke down. Possibly because of us, and possibly because we're fat. But whatever. The maintenance guy came out, messed around with our lapbar, and then the ride started up again. Except the lights stayed on the whole ride. Which might've been bad if this had been our first or only ride. But was amazing as it was. So enjoy a couple of 'lights on' photos of Blå Tåget. Um, on second thought. One of the great things about Gröna Lund is how rides are built over and through one another. Twister, their weird little wooden coaster, was down for an extended refurb. But that's okay, we rode it last time. Unlike Smisty, I can take or leave spinning. But this is a Schwarzkopf, so I'm in. And also, it's adorable. Just look at it! Gröna Lund is also a seaside park, because why give other parks a chance? I'm not sure why this particular pathway is super Art Deco--but I like it, obviously. I also like Jetline quite a bit, which had been the park's signature coaster until Monster opened. This is my jam. This is not my jam. But Smisty and Goldballs seem to be "enjoying" it. No, wait, this is my jam. Gröna Lund has the best fun house I've ever been in. But maybe there's a better one somewhere. Quick, somebody tell me where it is so I can plan a trip there. Not so much a slide as a conveyor belt. And also weird stairs. A view of one of Monster's beefy supports from the fun house. Elissa, you know you can ask for your own boat, right? I mean, they gave Misty one. So they clearly have a "weird husband" exception, if nothing else. This husband is so weird they don't even require his wife to be in the same country. I was really trying to tie that in to the previous caption--and, you know, make a whole thing out of this Tunnel of Love attraction--but I can admit when it's just not working. Not that I'm going to change it, mind you. Insane, Monster. Monster, Insane. Sorry, ahem, "Insane!" Wait, how did we get in this coaster's maintenance bay? That's Insane! Apologies to everyone on this train who clearly didn't realize that I was taking a photo. Yes, it's Monster, emerging from its underground station. The very same underground station we toured the construction of back in 2019! And this thing is great. The station, I mean. But also the ride itself. It's all great. This park is great. 10. Gröna Lund is a 10. Wait, I'm not done yet. Sorry. I got excited. Ooh, the back alley challenge! Get your minds out of the gutter! More often than not, I tend not to be super into B&M inverts. In fact, there are really only, like, two that I think are actually properly good. Well, I guess three now. And this is one of them. (Not that anyone asked, but the other two are Afterburn and OzIris.) Can I live here? In the park, I mean. I'll be very quiet. You probably won't even notice me. If you'd like to see more photos of Blue Train with the lights on, just reply with any lyric from "I Am Not Your Broom" by They Might Be Giants. Next up: We say goodby to Sweden and hello to Finland!

Got to ride Högspänningen in 2019 and thought it was pretty cool! I believe Toverland also has one of these, but it might've been closed the day we were there? Just as it was closed both days at Liseberg this time. So, yeah, fun ride, but based purely on my experience, maybe not terribly reliable. It would seem that the manufacturer is a German company called Metallbau Emmeln, and there are maybe 9 or 10 of these "Flying Wheels" out there.

Kolmården Wildlife Park is the second park on the trip that Misty and I had previously visited in 2019. It's quite large, very hilly, and mostly a zoo. But it does have a two big "worth the price of admission" attractions, at least one of which I really like. 19: Another Way to Stimulate Lions The park was considerably less busy than on our previous visit, but nonetheless opened up the back parking lot and gate for our group, so we could start and end near the good stuff. Safari is a 26-and-a-half minute sky ride over large naturalistic animal enclosures that crisscrosses itself several times. For me, this is the highlight of the park, and I rode it 4 or 5 times on this visit. This animal is called a "giraff" in Swedish, which is not as interesting as I thought it would be. How straight men sit together on a bench seat. Björn. Watusi Boskap Älg and bebis älg. Löpeld As the park was not at all busy, Wildfire only ran one train all day, making it quite tricky to get a decent photo of the ride with a train in it from Safari. I do wish the gondola in the lower left was less behind a tree, but at least you can also see what a pretty area Kolmården is. A backstage tour of where the gondolas sleep at night and recharge the batteries on their audio systems. (Onboard narration being available in Swedish, Finnish, and English.) Now on foot, we explore the other animal areas of the park. Where all the cool kids hang out. "Man, screw you guys." Saddest show ever. (But good on them for still doing it, I reckon.) Smisty learning that we cannot, in fact, leave the park to visit the aquarium on the other side of the main parking lot, because Kolmården Wildlife Park does not allow reentry, and you can't even buy tickets or enter within 2 hours of closing time. This was 3 hours before park close, but that would've only given us an hour to cross the parking lot on foot, visit the aquarium, and hoof it back--with failure to reenter Kolmården in time meaning we would have to walk around the park on winding mountain roads (without sidewalks) to get back to the rear parking lot and the bus. Hey guys, whatever your beef with the aquarium is, leave us out of it. The escalator of shame. The park covers 1.5 square kilometers, which is approximately 370 McDonald's parking lots in American. Discovered an area I hadn't seen on the previous trip. Not really sure what it was. Maybe like a summer camp? But this building was open--and having never seen a horror movie, I ventured in. At which point my skin started burning and I had to flee. I'll be safe here in Tiger World! Best photo ever? Two slices of cheese on a basic theme park burger?! Are we in Wisconsin? Well, a lot of Swedes are. Hmmm. Wildfire's cool but weirdly-orientated sign. Where the Wildfire trains sleep at night. Snapped this pic while no one was looking. Now I have the plans and can build my own! I gave it a courtesy ride during ERT. That's 2 rides total now. I guess I like it slightly more this time? Oh, is this a good time to mention that I'm an RMC hater? Hater is probably too strong. To me, they're basically just fast, forceless, family coasters that are hard to breath during due to the restraints. Lots of folks seemed super into it, though. And I'll admit that it's pretty. One more shot of Wildfire for you. For you. Not for me. Erik's Score: 5 Next up: The park Wildfire would be in if there was room for it there.

Ah, but you would've known exactly what it was if you'd read my 2019 trip report! Also, that plastic was workmanlike, at best.

^ Indeed. And congrats on finishing your trip report ahead of me this time!

As previously mentioned, but just forget about that so it doesn't seem like I'm repeating myself, no one in our group had ever been to Furuvik. Not even Robb or Elissa, who've both been to Antarctica, Mars, and Narnia. But now we all have. Meh. 18: Science Gun Where Skara Sommerland is mostly a waterpark with a rides area, Furuvik is mostly a zoo with a ride section. Which sounds way better to me and it is. The park is most famous for killing chimpanzees. And, before that, for having a chimpanzee that wanted to harm humans. It's actually a pretty sad story. The first one I mentioned, that is. The second one is hilarious. The Chain Flyer, which I'm pretty sure is my new favorite name for a ride of this type. Ferris wheel could be a bit bigger, though. Lightning is the park's newest and biggest coaster. And it's fun and smooth and family and new Vekoma. But the park lacks a true thrill coaster. Which is probably the main reason none of our group had ever been here before. It kind of felt like it should be weaving in and out of a big man-made mountain or something. Smisty decided to go on their Mondial Top Scan with a bunch of other TPR folks, who all hopped right off at the end of the ride and abandoned her. I would've helped but I was otherwise engaged. Ladies and gentlemen, Spökjakten--Sweden's only shooting dark ride. Science guy animatronic in the queue. This was actually quite good. But I daresay I like dark rides better than roller coasters. At least in the sense that some roller coasters are good and some are bad, but even a bad dark ride is still good. The park's other family Vekoma, Fireball. Fireball is a family boomerang. Spökjakten is by Sally. And God is H Julet. Circus-themed fast food restaurant. It was...okay-ish. I don't know what's going on here. Bees with butt-faces? Smisty living her best life. A lot of the park looks like this. And while they don't have a lot of your fancy-pants A-list animals (lions, tigers, elephants, giraffes, zebras, hippos, bears, etc.), they do have...um...chimps. I mean, not as many as they use to, obviously. But still. They do have a reptile house, though. So that's good. Danger noodle! Across the bay, you can allegedly see Finland. I'm not exactly sure what the cross is about. But let's just assume that the Swedes are defending against Finnish vampires. Low bridge. A couple of people in our group mentioned this cracked-out boat ride, but we couldn't even find it on the map! I was starting to think we were being pranked. A wild Goldballs appears, to make this even more of a bad idea! Joking aside, this kind of thing is the reason I travel to Europe (or anywhere) to visit theme parks. It certainly isn't to ride SLC's. Camel backs. Jason basking in the shame of having just participated in whatever was happening here. Furuvik Final Score: 4 Apparently there was a whole weird cold war era military base section that I missed entirely. The bus needed to stop on the way back to Stockholm. Apparently, this was once some sort of Swedish-Chinese cultural center slash tourist attraction. Now it's a gas station. And a final stop at Hammarbybacken for quick ride on their single-rail alpine coaster. Do people who count coasters count these? Aaaaaaahhhhhh!!! And then I died. The end.

Bert, Bert, Bert...were you not paying attention during Underlandet at all?! It's all perfectly simple: Måns Tråk is not a magician, he just a Grinch-type who hates amusement parks. Which is why he constantly tries to interfere with the work of the Green Bunnies (Kanina, Kanne, Lisen, Berg, Fixa, and Julius) as they (semi-secretly) run the park above (growing vegetables, making ice cream, filling balloons, powering the rides, and, um, pooping). Now, I know what you're thinking: "Well, then, what's the deal with Kanne doing magic at the end there?" Oh, you silly boy! Kanne is a magician, and was the whole time! And as for Julius, he's white because he's the Green Bunnies' cousin from the North Pole. Duh.

Oh, no, you're not getting off that easy! I expect a full report!

Skara Sommarland is mostly a waterpark with a handful of amusement rides. So perhaps it's unfair to judge the entire park based on only the dry sections. I'm still going to, though. 17: How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything Skara Sommarland is owned by Parks & Resorts Scandinavia (which itself is entirely owned by the Tidstrand family). Also owned by this group is Kolmården Zoo, Furuvik, and Gröna Lund--all of which we will be visiting on this trip. Fun fact: Skara actually means to cut, slit, carve, or reap. But only if you put that little o-thing above the first A, and your name is Barry. Bad joke, or ominous foreshadowing? Why not both?! On the right is Snake (or something), the ride that was temporarily at Gröna Lund when we were there in 2019, now seemingly in its permanent home. The ride on the left is the reason to visit Skara Sommarland, Tranan (or, "The Crane.") I was quite excited to try this ride. It just looks so weird, and maybe fun? And it is weird. Fun? Well, not especially. I mean, it's okay. It's hard to describe, really. To the point where I'm not able to even declare it good or bad. Let's start with the seating. The sides of the cars are quite low, the seatbacks are quite low, and you're secured by a seatbelt. Now, I'm 100% certain that seatbelt is enough to keep you in, but it sure doesn't feel like it. There's also quite a lot of metal near your knees and legs, giving you both a mental reason and a physical reason to hold on and brace yourself for dear life. Which is work, and distracting, in a way that detracts from the ride--at least, for me. And yet, I'm extremely glad I got to ride it. Because I'm sure if someone had told me that I actually wouldn't like it all that much, I would be skeptical. You don't know me! I'm contrarian! And it looks super-cool! It also only does its big trick (of spinning all the way around the track) one time. I'd be interested in riding a bigger version of this. Something with larger, more graceful elements. Because a lot of the turns are quite crunchy. But, then again, who would pay for a larger one when the prototype is so...unconvincing? Not my photo. Plucked from the group chat. Sorry person I'm failing to credit. Andy, maybe? Or Elissa? Anyway, it's a ride. Which sounds like an insult, but isn't really, except in that I was hoping that it would be really cool, and it's just kind of...strange. This seems like a trap. Unlike the "Taco Loco" in the background, which seems totally legit. Speaking of lunch. Warning: The above image may not be suitable for all audiences. Oh. I probably should've put that before the photo. Anyway. The park was quite eager to show off their new bumpercar ride, BadringsBumpers. Whereas I am surprisingly unashamed to show off Robb's "crotch cam." Most of the smaller, older rides are in this area--which maybe used to be its own thing? Like, a separate gate or something? No idea. Regardless, it's a rides midway. I should've just said that. I call it: Doesn't Work Land! The entrance to the park's powered coaster. It was working here, but I don't have any photos of the train, because when I went back to ride it, it was down. And it stayed down. I think until we left? Definitely for quite awhile, as I checked back a couple of times. A Rockin' Tug. It did not run, that I saw. Closed troika-type ride, with permanently sealed off swinging ship in the background (that had a sign saying that it had failed its inspection for the year, or some such?) Unattended game. I'm sure it's fine. This did open later, but the course was quite short, mostly unthemed, and people were coming soaked, so I passed. Pretty sure the vehicles were the best thing about it. I do love a good bridge. No idea if this is one, as it's permanently blocked off. But my statement still stands. What do you think of this park, Smisty? Go on, Bert, don't be scared. Put it in your mouth. The park had a train, and it was working. However, we were accosted by this street urchin begging for money. No, just kidding. He wanted drugs, actually. Apparently, Barry had gotten a splinter in his foot at the waterpark. A splinter. Part of the waterpark, as seen from the train. Yep. Yep, I'm good. A lone bit of incongruous theming, behind a fence? Outside of the park, maybe? No idea. Did you see how close Daniel got to the train, though? What's the concern with the dinosaur figure?! R-A-D-I-O-B-I-L-A-R-N-A What is this, some kind of bumpercar-lover's park? Is this a ride, or...? The spin mouse had been down all morning, so all the coaster nerds rushed over once it started testing. It ran a few cycles, and then a car got stuck on the block brake. The maintenance guys came out, released the brake, and then sped off. No testing, no empty cars. The very next car got stuck in the same place. Smisty says nope. (For clarity, I am not accusing anyone of unsafe practices. But just assuming everything will be fine after a quick reset does strike me as a bad look.) It's worth noting that for all the rides that were broken down or not operating, the most important one (Tranan) seemed like it ran pretty consistently all day. So that was good. Ooh, a crooked house or something! Wait a minute..."Miniradiobilarna"? Yeah, it's just more bumpercars. The Main Street Janitorial Parade A poncho with a map of the park on it? That's pretty cool. Except they were only for kids. And the image was blurry. But at least they're honestly named. It's probably not a great park if you're that excited to get back on the bus. Erik's Score: 1 Sorry, Skara Sommarland. It's not you, it's me. I'm sure others in our group probably liked you a lot more. Well, maybe not Barry. Arriving at the Backstage Hotel in Stockholm. This is where Misty and I stayed for a few extra nights after the official end of the 2019 trip--except then it was called the Pop House Hotel. We really loved the city, and were quite happy with our choice of accommodation, so it was nice to be back. They may have changed their name, and rearranged the lobby area a bit, but it's still houses the ABBA Museum, and it's still right next door to Gröna Lund. Our room for the next few nights. We might've checked out the ABBA Museum (even though we went last time) or done something else for the evening, but Gröna Lund had a better idea.... Surprise night ERT on Monster! We got to tour this underground station in 2019 while it was under construction. Turned out great! Not my photo, to be sure. Robb's. I will of course share more detailed thoughts about Monster when the proper Gröna Lund update comes around. But this was a great night! Next up: A park that no one in our group had ever been to!

Now we come to the first of three parks that Smisty and I had actually been to before. On our trip to Liseberg with TPR in 2019, I didn't exactly fall in love with the place. There are lots of things I could "blame" for that, some of which were within the park's control, and some of which certainly were not. I'll spare you the full details, but I will say that I was looking forward to going back and reassessing it under (hopefully) better circumstances. Would Liseberg win me over this time? Or will Erik remain steadfast in his grumpy contrariness? Read on to find out.... 16: Godiscupcake To begin with, we had two full days in the park, and three nights at their brand new, very on-site hotel. This meant that we could head back to our room whenever we pleased in between exploring the park and riding stuff, so that's already a pretty big plus--especially if you're old. And what a hotel it is! The Grand Curiosa was fun, beautiful, and weird (in the best way). It was also very American-friendly, with proper in-room air conditioning, and ice machines on multiple floors. Amazing! On a different note, is it more impressive to say that I photoshopped Misty into this picture, or that I didn't? The hotel also features both a children's carousel and a cafe/ice cream parlor in the lobby. Sadly, Bert did not get to ride the carousel. But I did get to eat the ice cream. Multiple times. There's also a buffet, open for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Pretty sure we had all three at one point or another. The building on the right is the hotel. So, as you can see, it's not exactly a tough walk to Liseberg's newly-redone back entrance. Rather than opening at, like, 10:00am and doing staggered openings for a couple of hours (like the last time we were here), the park opened at noon and closed late. Normally I wouldn't be a big fan of a noon opening, but it seemed to work, with the park not really starting to get busy until after work hours--and I did like that everything opened at the same time. Liseberg doesn't really have themed areas, but the rides grouped together here are all named after Norse mythology. No "Thor's Hammer" though. Instead there's a Max Burger. We like Max Burger. My feelings about Balder haven't changed. It's objectively good, but I just find it repetitive and uninteresting. We're literally the only ones who feel that way, though. These guys were all still riding after we went to bed. Didn't stop me from drawing a penis on it. Kållerado is named after the Norse god of skiing and being proud of your flag. The rapids ride runs ride up alongside the park's walk-through (and upcharge?) haunted house, Gasten Ghost Hotel. These two Swedish girls were scared and wanted us to go with them. Which was fine. Except that we had to do the conga line thing, and they were in back and sort of pulling me backwards while the scare-actors kept yelling at us to go faster. Listen, girls, you need to understand: I am a rule-follower, and you are making me look bad! No notes. Below the Gasten Ghost Hotel is the Gasten Ghost Bar and Restaurant, where you may be eaten by a scary monster if you are a chocolate brownie and pear ice cream dessert. This place proved pretty popular with our group. So it's weird that I also liked it. Parts of this park are very pretty. And by "parts" I mean most of it. Ooh, a car ride! And the award for best terrain goes to Liseberg, in that they're blessed with a long decently wide flat section abutting a long hillside. My favorite part of this photo is the sign portraying a drunk man fighting a forklift. Smisty is all in. While the children are distracted, we sneak by to try out the new dark ride. The indoor queue is well themed and leads to an "elevator" preshow. See, the bunnies make ice cream, but a guy who looks like a magician but isn't doesn't like them for some reason and tries to send their mining carts off course. It's a little weird, but we rode it a lot. Um...okay, it's a lot weird. One of the bunnies is a magician, incidentally. I don't know why. After three trips to Europe (and an entire life of being alive somewhere), I finally found a stuffy worth buying. Of course, it did fit in my backpack. I'm not an idiot. Liseberg doesn't have a proper fun house. But they do have a house-like thing that you can have fun in. I mean, kind of. Really, it's more for kids to just kind of run around in and explore. But I appreciate that they let me check it out. While some people travel the world and never find their name on anything (*cough* Elissa), I only need to go to Sweden. I actually have a disturbing amount of photos from this trip of stuff that has my name on it. We actually spent quite a lot of time in the kids area. I'm sure the dark ride helped. Still didn't ride the kiddie coaster, though. An enchanting game of tossing carrots into buckets in order to both feed and win horses. Mo' bunnies, mo' problems. Stampbanan. Which apparently means, "the stomping ground." Scary stairs down from the, uh...hang on... "Kaninlandsbanan." Also unchanged is my opinion of Lisebergbanana, seen here about to leave the station and head up the long never-too-far-off-the-ground lift hill. It's fast and janky and great! This and the log flume are the park's iconic workhorse attractions. Nude gardens and lush statues await you at the front of the park. Let's head up the hill, shall we? That's not a good caption. How about this: The name "Liseberg" comes from the phrase "Lisas Berg" or "Lisa's Mountain." Some of the pathway's up around here are a bit dicey and feel a little "back of house." There was a concert going on in the park one of the two nights we were there. I have no idea who it was. But here's a view of it from the Ferris wheel! You can also see some construction off to the left. Liseberg was (and is) in full expansion mode. Speaking of which...those who were interested got a construction tour of the new indoor waterpark. Pretty cool. Have you ever climbed to the top of a mountain only to find that you could've just ridden a roller coaster up there instead? Oh, I guess I could've also taken escalators. I wasn't too keen on Helix last time, so I was content to just watch and take photos whilst Smisty rode over and over during ERT. But then the ERT just kept going. And everyone kept talking about how much better the ride was running than in 2019. So I gave it another shot. This time I sat in the middle-back, rather than the front, and rode much more defensively. And...it was pretty good, actually. Never let it be said that I am incapable of changing my mind. Right out of the station. Balder, Valkyria, Lisa Banana, Flume Ride, and Helix. This pathway is an absolute photographic wonderland. And Liseberg's operations keep the kinetic energy buzzing, inviting you to just stick around and see if you can get one more train in the photo. Adding even more movement to the area is the park's new family boomerang, Luna. This area has been rebranded as "Luna Park," and some of the older flat rides have been swapped out for new ones. Sadly, Smisty's favorite tilt-a-whirl was one such victim. I don't mind so much, because now she can't make me ride it. The park even added a new air conditioned bathroom up here, complete with fancy statue-man sink. Liseberg's Flume Ride is unique in terms of both its layout (lift hill, cruise around a bit, lift hill, drop, drop, drop) and in that the park's website claims the logs to be "laughter-impregnated." There are rumors of removal, but I just can't imagine such a crime. Hopefully, it's a rehab instead, if anything. An interesting vantage point for Valkyria as we head back to the hotel. My opinion of this B&M dive coaster hasn't changed either. (It's good!) The hotel also has a full service Chinese restaurant, the Mei Rose Rooftop Bar & Bistro, where you can (and should) have your dessert served to you ON FIRE. Every floor of the hotel has a slightly different sub-theme. We were put on the amusement rides floor, for some reason. The view from our room. One last shot of...whatever this is. So, did I like Liseberg more this time? Decidedly yes. Erik's Score: 10 Tune in next time, when the pendulum swings back hard the other way!

Before this trip was a thing, I just assumed that Norway had multiple parks in it. And of course it does, but it really only has one major thrill park: Tusenfryd. Which is a shame, because I would've liked to have spent more time in the country and visited some other places. But of course, it also makes sense, as Norway has a far smaller population than say, Sweden or Denmark. 15: You Can't Put Shoes on a Shark Tusenfryd's iconic escalators that connect the entrance and exit to the park proper. "Gunball" They don't make much of it, besides this statue, but the park's mascot is a centipede. 100% No notes. The park's newest coaster is "Storm - The Dragon Legend." Seemed like it was having quite a few problems before and after our visit. But unfortunately, it was running while we were there. Haha! I joke. But let's just say that reviews were mixed. What did I think? I think I was wise to make Smisty ride first. And she recommended that I pass. Which I did. So, really, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Maybe it's great. What are they all looking at? Did I take a photo of the wrong thing? Tusenfryd is quite hilly, and the log flume really takes advantage of the uneven terrain in order to somehow still not be very interesting. But that's okay, they have a much better water ride that we'll get to later. The food in the park was mostly substandard, but they did have this! Loopen. It's a Vekoma, but not a New Vekoma. Tusenfryd doesn't really have a "Main Street," but one end of "Route 66" is fairly close to the escalators, so I guess that kind of works. You can tell that the park trying to transition from a traditional amusement park to more of a theme park. I'm quite proud of this photo and I just realized that it has some TPR people in it. HuriHuri is a Zamperla compact spinning coaster, and I thought it was decently fun for a kiddie/family coaster. Weird troll-filled outdoor walk-through thing. Den Aller Minste (aka, Teeny Weeny) claims to be the world's smallest roller coaster. We are not proud. Thundercoaster Who's more interesting: me, or Robb? Well, Robb by sheer numbers. But at least Shane and Smisty chose me. I don't care for Timberliner trains. Just a bit downhill to the Tusenfryd's viking section, which contains my two favorite rides in the park. Hey, this looks pretty sedate. Nope! The rapids ride is named Ragnarok and it's great. The trough itself is a bit concrete-y, but the rest of the scenery is well done, and the layout and pacing are top notch. I love when there's a map of the ride. My new favorite rapids ride. (Sorry Popeye & Bluto's.) One more shot of Ragnarok. It was a tad wet, but I rode thrice. *ahem* Thor's Hammer It's an "Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man"-lite dark ride built in a legitimate cave. A bit talky--an opinion I believe I would still hold even if I spoke Norwegian--but still really good. The entrance and exit of Thor's Hammer. Um...guys, that's a sword. A portable roller skater...? This part of the park was mostly closed by the time we got to it. Possibly because it's unpopular? Apparently there's some similarity? I was asked by Elissa and Smisty to pose as though someone had just served me vegetables. The park's signature ride, Speed Monster. But unfortunately.... MORE BAD TRAINS I spent most of ERT taking photos. So, good dark ride, great rapids ride, a lovely wooded hillside setting, and very kind staff and management. But, none of the big coasters were really for me, a lot of the other rides that would normally appeal to me (log flume, car ride) were substandard, and the food was unremarkable at best. Erik's score: 5

Yep, just about everyone liked Junker more than Pitt's Special. But guess who had the opposite opinion? Go on, guess.

Well, we're about halfway through the trip, and it's time to leave Denmark for good and head to Norway. So it'll just be a short "travel day" update. 14: Norway Jose And how does one get from Denmark to Norway? Well, I suppose one could fly, but where's the fun in that? This ferry was a bit different, in that we had to get off the bus and board individually. Here's most of our group mixed with a bunch of randos, while I watch from the heavens like a god. Everyone on the ferry gets an assigned seat. Ours were in the buffet. Thanks, Elissa. You really know us. Apparently, Robb wasn't allowed to buy any more stuffed animals. So Smisty ran off and bought one for him...? I don't know. I don't get involved in such things. I was too busy with the 4-hour buffet. I've been on plenty of ferries--I live in Seattle. But I daresay this is the biggest ferry I've ever been on. We boarded on foot, but we leave on the bus. After a bit of a tight squeeze to get back on, mind you. I don't know what bridge this is, but...welcome to Norway! In front of our hotel is this lovely statue of Fry and Frya, twin babies who were raised by halibut and founded Oslo, according to Norwegian mythology. So, our hotel was two stories tall but quite long, with elevators only on one side and stairs that were emergency use only. As a result, the shortest path to our particular room was a bit of a trek. PXL_20230613_190317639.mp4 If this is impossible to watch--or just painfully unfunny--my apologies. I don't normally do video. The view from our room made the long walk worth it, though. Also, we could walk right from the hotel lobby into this mall/transportation hub. Now where have I seen this before? We had a couple hours left in the day for sightseeing in Oslo. Some people went much farther than us, and stayed out much later--but we're old and need our sleep, so we kept pretty close to the hotel. Luckily, there was some good stuff nearby. I mean, I say "luckily," but I guess I really should say, "Elissaly," as the hotel being near good stuff was certainly no accident. The Oslo Opera House is designed to be walked up, serving as a sort of public park/observation deck, and giving some pretty nice views of the harbor. A bit of the view, and a bit of the inside. Mexican food is a big deal for both Smisty and I, and because we're weird, we can't help but to keep trying Northern Europe's weird takes on Mexican food. But Oslo was different. El Camino was analogous to Chipotle. Now, sure, Chipotle isn't exactly authentic, per se--but it is closer to real Mexican food than the pickled onions and taco toast we'd been "enjoying" everywhere else in the region. Which is less an actual endorsement of El Camino, I suppose, and more just something I found interesting. I wouldn't say that we really saw everything that Oslo had to offer, but I did very much enjoy what we were able to explore. Thor's Hammer. But not the roller coaster at Djurs Sommerland. I must say it's quite interesting that Scandinavia wants to keep naming things "Thor's Hammer," when I as an American know the actual name of the thing. But nope, no Mjolnir round these parts, just "Thor's Hammer." Goodbye, Oslo. I can't imagine that I'll ever be back--but I'd certainly welcome returning. Next time: Thor's Hammer!

LEGO House has been on our radar for a few years now, but just didn't seem like the kind of place we were likely to get to. But when this trip came up, it suddenly started to feel like a possibility, existing just down the road from Legoland Billund. Still, some logistical challenges remained. Basically, we would have to take 2 or 3 hours away from an already short-ish operating day at the world's fullest Legoland (which looked quite good and which we had also never been to). Would we be able to pull it off without shortchanging ourselves in the park? Am I trying to build suspense for some reason? Am I going to name this update "No Butter No Chicken"? The answers lie ahead.... 13: Today in the Dog Enough Daniel! It's Erik's special day! This shirt proved very popular with both the staff and the park's patrons. Full disclosure: I'd only ever been to one other Legoland Park, Florida's. Which I quite like. But, of course, that park has an interesting mixed-cultural parentage. Which is sort of its claim to fame. Billund's claim to fame is that it has a whole slew of rides that the other parks just don't. Much of Legoland Billund, with Lego Campus and LEGO House both in the distance. The park has 4 roller coasters, 3 of which are roller coasters, and none of which are particularly good. Most in the group seemed to like this one, Polar X-Plorer. The Lego Movie World section before park open. Lots of nice details, though the area does feel a little cramped. Yes, it's a flying theater! Turns out that Dansk for "Awesome" is "Super Duper!" I've no idea what "Today in the Dog" means. It was fun. But the smell-effects only worked on one side of it...!? World's Least Wild Wild Mouse Indoor/Outdoor Pirate Ride (though not nearly as elaborate as a Disney Pirate Ride). Le-Go, Le-Go, a plastic life for me! That's terrible. The queue for Dragen. The dark ride section at the beginning is quite similar to the one in Florida, but I don't think this works as well as a powered coaster, personally. Legoland Billund has a full scale (in terms of boats and trough-width) miniature (in terms of height) log flume! It basically just goes up, cruises past some Lego animals, and then ends in a small drop. But it's fun. Careful, Mr. Spider, those children really hurt if you step on one. A Legoland haunted house? Mostly a walk-through... ...that ends with an enclosed mini drop tower. Maybe the best attraction here? There was a walk-up selling different kinds of fancy hot dogs, and one that had steak instead of the hot dog. So I asked if I could get the steak on the hot dog, and the man shed a single tear and whispered, "American." Hey, I've been to the real version of this place! Now, when was that? Oh, like, 10 days ago. There's a miniature of the LEGO House in Legoland Billund. Which kind of makes sense, but is still interesting in historical context. The quick and dirty version: Lego, doing quite well with their product and their factory tour, decides to build a theme park. Then comes more theme parks. Then comes hard financial times and they sell off the theme parks in order to survive. They recover and try to buy the theme parks back, but no luck. So, back in their original position of doing quite well with their product, they build the LEGO House. So LEGO owns LEGO House, but not Legoland. However, Lego started an investment company a couple of years back that now has a 30% stake in Merlin, who currently own the Legoland parks. So...yeah. Man, all that corporate business talk has made me hungry. Time for group lunch at the pizza buffet! Traditional Danish hot dog and corn pizza. You already know if I used this as the title of this update, but I don't. Legoland Billund has a SeaLife Aquarium, but it's a bit smaller in scale and included with park admission. Yup, it's a real aquarium. Lego theming is the easiest theming. A view of the entry midway from the main store. At this point, we've decided to go for the LEGO House. And here it is! That wasn't so bad. The CreativiTree. It's not called that. Hang on. "Tree of Creativity" Wow. Mine is actually better. Is this better than a theme park? Well, no. But as someone who was into Lego as a kid, but doesn't do anything with them now, I'd say the LEGO House is still pretty cool, and well worth a visit. I might need help with this caption. Bert? The basement level is more museum-like. You order your food by putting Lego together. Like, a blue brick equals a tuna sandwich, and a red brick equals an apple, or whatever. We ran into AJ, who (as far as I know) is the only other member of our group to head over here. For clarity, this is not a photo of AJ, but rather of an elevator shaft. See, many parts of the LEGO House are free, included roof access. Which I had no idea was even a thing and probably would've missed if not for AJ. Looking back at Lego Campus and Legoland. It took all of our strength not to check this out. And, in different circumstances. But we were already on a pretty tight schedule, and there were still things back at the park we hadn't done yet. So LEGO House, yes. Teddy Bear Art Museum, unfortunately no. LEGO Campus. Not really for civilians and more of a fun-for-employees headquarters. We made no attempt to enter. We also passed by a couple of Lego Hotels on the way back to the park. So many transportation rides. Time for a shooting dark ride but karate chops instead of guns and also you can't do it! A classic Legoland "let the kids play with Lego while the adults wait in line" setup. Is it a good dark ride? I dunno, I spent most of it trying to figure out what hand movements to make to actually shoot at the targets. But maybe it's not really for me. I bet the kids figure it our right away. Ah well. Stupid kids. Lego sex is only for the very brave. Smisty insisted on a plushy. I tried to talk her out of it. I did not succeed. Legoland Billund also has a rapids ride. Yes, I know this is a photo of pigs. Look behind them. Complete with a vertical lift and a drop. The more normal shooting dark ride, The Temple. A pretty common Legoland ride. Basically, this park has most of the common ones, and then a bunch of rare and unique ones. Okay, time to make like a mummy and Lego. That made no sense. Score: 7

My wife can claim she's ridden 2. Because of that one at Walygator, you see. I mean, I rode both of them also. This isn't working.

So did I. But a quick internet search suggested porcupine. Then you posted this, and I searched a bit deeper, and now I have no idea. We'll go with hedgehog.

Fårup Sommerland is located...um, I dunno, in Denmark somewhere. I wasn't driving. But it definitely felt remote! Or at least out in the woods. The park is wooded. That's what I should've said. 12: Hooked on Fønix If there's an award for "Worst Park Layout," Fårup Sommerland wins. (Or, um loses?) It's just dead ends on dead ends. It's like Six Flags Over Georgia had a baby with Six Flags Over Texas and it died. Okay, that was dark. To be fair, a bad layout doesn't actually ruin a park, in my opinion. In fact, this park is pretty good. And it is mostly flat, so I guess it's not that bad. Look, I have to talk about something, okay? Dammit, Daniel. I'm trying to take a photo of Smisty! This ride actually has a really interesting layout. And the straight sections were pretty smooth. But the turns were super shuffle-y. Orkanen is one of those fun Vekoma family suspended coasters that dives into an underwater tunnel. There are better places to take photos of it, but I like this one. In the background, on the left, you can just make out the park's onsite hotel. [Transition!] I think the official lunch was another pizza buffet, but I wanted to check out the hotel restaurant, and avoid a possible rush by eating lunch early. Which worked out spectacularly. Food was pretty good, too. And they even had ice! Fårup means "sheep's cry." I did not see any sheep in the park. Their mascot is a hedgehog. My wife refused to wait one more train to ride in the front seat. Or, to put it another way, will use any excuse to not sit with me. Fårup Rafting was mildly fun and not too wet. We hung out with Hawk and Doug a lot at this park. Or, to put it another way, they had a hard time avoiding us. I blame the dead ends. The queue for the rickety spin mouse is not wheelchair accessible. Flagermusen spun a lot for our unbalanced asses. Wild in the best way. Flagermusen means "bat." Getting from there to Dracula is up to you. Lynet means "lightning." And Gerstlauer over-the-shoulder-restraints means "not riding." This looks inviting. An outdoor obstacle course maze and slides kind of thing. Followed by an indoor fun house crooked house kind of thing. Not sure how I got Misty in here, but this was the only time for all three European trips. Wasn't sure what this was, exactly--but it looked cool from out here, so we went in. Turned out to be a roller skater. And kind of rough and bumpy compared to most. But surrounded by trees, so that was cool. Another park without a proper dark ride, but at least it had this outdoor tracked car ride. SMIIIL The last train of the morning that got to ride again if they participated in a "hand, shoulders, knees, and toes" demonstration and sing along. Another look at the Saven family boomerang, this time from the park's train. More Danish Mexican food, because we just can't help ourselves. Fårup Sommerland also has the largest water park in the country. A fact I'm choosing to share with you in conjunction with this photo of sand. I like how this little carousel has photo of other rides in the park. The pirate ship is actually part of the "advanced" obstacle course. I think. I didn't go anywhere near the thing. Was too busy defending my ice cream. Fun story. Back when we were at Tivoli Friheden, I sent some work friends back home that photo of Smisty on the Ferris wheel with the Space Needle fan, and they recreated it with a homemade "Tivoli Friheden" fan. This started a whole weird thing, of which the following might've been the highlight: So there you go. We like log flumes. And we were going to ride this one. But when we got up to the station, the ride op insisted that we ride up front together. Not so that more people could ride with us, mind you, but "to balance the log and keep you from getting so wet." Now, I've never been on this particular log flume, so I could be wrong...but that don't sound right to me. Also, the station looked like this. So we bailed. Rides are like dark alleys. If it doesn't feel right, don't go. Okay, now, I don't normally do this. I try to be very selective with what I post. But I'm going to spend the rest of this report just spamming Fønix photos: Like an octopus in the wilderness. You heard me. Me: "These restraints are really good for me." Someone else on the trip: "These restraints are good for everybody." This ride is so smooth, so well-engineered, so..."confident"...that it makes all other manufacturers look like amateurs. The best coaster of the trip, for my money. Didn't think I'd like the stall very much, but I did. At this point, new Vekoma might be able to make me like broccoli. As great as it is, I do prefer Lech. Fønix has more airtime--but Lech is wilder, more out of control, and more intense. None of which should be taken as a slight on Fønix, which currently sits at #3 on my top 10 coaster list. Smisty says Fønix is her favorite steel coaster. And she's also been on Lech, so there you go. Fårup Sommerland's score: 8 (But it's mostly that high because of Fønix.) Next time: The debut of a new shirt!

It was a blatant ploy to get replies. And also I didn't have one. My "random hot dudes" folder seems to be empty, for some reason.

Still comfortably ensconced at our Zleep Aarhus hotel, it was time to venture out to our first Sommerland, Djurs. 11: Hammer & Sword You never want to be late. So we're usually first. Which leads to arty photos of nerds milling around the entrance. Wild Asia is home to no animals. (I don't know, it just sounds like an area that would have animals. I think it's the "wild" part.) But. it is home to an Intamin family invert called DrageKongen, which means "Drag King." I'm sorry. "Drag on King." And it was fine, I guess? I dunno, it's been like 4 months now. I rode a lot of stuff. Some of the elements were kind of crunchy, I think? Does that help? The last two European trips had a lot of log flumes with reversing sections. That really wasn't a thing this time. Instead, there were a lot of log flumes that had two drops that crossed over each other and just went up and right back down. If you don't understand what I'm describing, I insist that it is your fault. My explanations are flawless. Bert and Big Mike enjoying their ride on Long Cun. I'll leave it to you to decided which dirty mispronunciation is funnier. If there was an award for "best themes" for a park's areas--and there is, surprise!--it has to go to Djurs Sommerland, which has areas themed to pirates, vikings, farm animals, and dinosaurs (among other things). Lunch was at the Dino Pizza buffet...which was a bit of a disaster, honestly. They opened at noon and were immediately overwhelmed. Of course, it was a busy Saturday. And I'm a firm believer that you're not stuck in traffic, you are traffic. Still, it's no fun to get to the front of the line to discover that there are no trays, no plates, and no pizza. But hey, at least there was salad, knives, and napkins. Make it work, man. Djurs does not have a proper dark ride. But it does have this long and highly enjoyable outdoor tracked ride with indoor sections and absolutely no reason for the mix of dig site excavation work and real actual dinosaurs and also King Kong for some reason and I love it. Oh, oh, oh! And! This is great. There are small seats up front for kids, and big seats in the back for adults. And at one point, the front seats get squirted with water, but the back seats don't. Which is brilliant, because kids love getting randomly squirted with water and adults usually don't. It's the little things, you know? He's guarding that oil! (Perhaps a relative?) Right next to the jeep ride, we have the powered T-RexFamily Coaster. (Hey, that's how it's written on the sign.) Both rides exit into the same gift shop, where your wife can buy goofy little dino stamps she can put all over your arms and legs for the rest of the day. SpinOsaurus. (Or, um, spine-osuarus?) My dog's name is Disco. Viking-land! Probably actually called something else! I'm too lazy to look it up! Where little vikings learn to be tough. Where adult vikings learn to drink goat piss beer. Thor's Hammer - the Gerstlauer bobsled coaster. Of course, in Norse mythology, Thor's hammer has a name (Mjölnir). But this is not called that. This is called Thor's Hammer. Quite a fun ride. Especially if you like stagnant water. Or Gerstlauer bobsled coasters. Which I do. The second one. Not the stagnant water. The ride's exit gift shop sells proper ice cream. So, yeah, best ride ever. Are we really calling these things "straddle coasters"? Because that's awful. As anyone who has even been to Mexico can tell you, the place is lousy with ATV's. It's fun. That's my review. "Straddle coaster." Jesus. Either this ride was called Quetzalcoatl or I just want it to have been. Um...what? This photo reminds me that the Djurs ride ops have area-specific themed uniforms. Which is odd because this photo does not show that. But I do have another one that does. You can't see it though. I don't have a joke here. Or even an informative opinion. Didn't ride it. The line was too long. I don't like lines. I have a poorly chosen hobby. Luckily, it's cheap. Wait. A game where you shoot real guns. Step aside, Danes, Mr. America is here. I'm just kidding. Why would I pay for something I can do for free at home? I think we can sneak past that guy. The "kill yo self" area of the park. This area is themed after George Orwell's 1945 romp, Animal Farm. I feel stalked. Muddy Pigs! Pirate Land is very cool. However, it is also a fairly long dead end in which bathrooms are only located at the front. I guess pirates just go in the water. Don't you try it though, or you'll find out just how un-pirate-y these posers really are. I haven't quite figured out if piranha are just called pirate fish in Dansk, or... Nope, I've figured it out. It's that. Baby log flume! Daniel, it's for BABIES. There were a couple of these on the trip. I must say that it looks like a rather dull trip back to the station. Some nice theming though. Pirates. It's themed to pirates. This is Daniel's favorite kind of flat ride. I'm not sure why this is all about Daniel all of a sudden. I mean, I guess it's always kind of all about Daniel. Would you like to hear the story of how it took both the world's hunkiest maintenance guy and the literal park owner to get my seatbelt to connect? No? Well, your loss. It's a pretty great story. Okay, who wants to pose with the sword for me before the game begins? Goddammit, Daniel. Best park of the trip to this point? Yes. Final Pirate Score: 9 Djurbloons Stay tuned for our next installment (if I ever get around to it) featuring the best coaster of the trip!

Did you? I've no idea. I don't read your stuff.

The next park on the trip was Tivoli Friheden. We knew this park was unlikely to occupy us for the entire day, but the entire day we had. Luckily, we were in Denmark's second largest city, Aarhus, which had plenty of other stuff to do.... 10: My Sense of Your Sense of Language A nice simple entrance. Looks like it confused Daniel, though. This is the best theme park logo I've ever seen. The main draw here is the last remaining SCAD tower. It's not so much a ride as just being dropped into a net. Of course, I have a medical condition that prevented me from experiencing it: cowardice. Also, they strap a flat plastic mat to your back and I have scoliosis. I might also weight too much? At the very least, I'm right on the line. What I'm getting at here is that I didn't ride it, had no interest in riding it, probably shouldn't ride it, and also no. Smisty also passed. But lots of folks did do it, and some maybe even enjoyed it...? Don't worry though, I kept myself occupied by eating all of the ice cream and not sharing with any deadbeat broke-ass children. What else does this park have? Well, some pretty nice landscaping, fountains, and a fun house of illusions. Interesting that there was an upper level where you could look down on the mirror maze area. Not much to write home about on the coaster front. Just a very slow-moving "not particularly spinny" spin mouse and an SBF Visa spinner. Of course, the park used to have another, more thrilling coaster. And by "more thrilling," I of course mean that you might non-metaphorically die. Speaking of death, you can also hunt zombies in this weird new-school meets old-school dark ride. Okay, so, imagine that you wanted to combine a classic dark ride with a modern one. If you aced it, if you did absolutely everything right, you'd have created something like Blue Train at Gröna Lund. If, on the other hand, you completely botched the job, you would have this. However, in all fairness, I still really liked it. (Maybe not for all the right reasons, but nevertheless.) #beesforreed Ooh, a Ferris Wheel! But first, let's have some PIT.sa! Not a lot of great food options available. It looked like there was a full service restaurant at the back, but it was closed for a private event. This pizza buffet was passable, though. Smisty repping Seattle. Looking back towards the front of the park. Erik's score for Tivoli Friheden: 2 I still had fun. Don't be tricked into thinking a 2 means that I hated it. My ratings are so inscrutable as to be counterproductive to include them at all. You're welcome. Construction update! We enjoy walking. Especially around new places. And, you know, Europe. And across streets on green viking walk signs. This is a parking garage and transportation hub. This building houses the Gender Museum. Which sounded weird enough for us to check out. Okay. Honestly, I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. I put my balls in the barometer, but like the rest of the museum, it was disappointingly uninteresting. This is a little better, I guess. I don't know. Just kind of meh. Aarhus (in the middle of our street). Down this rather suspicious stairway lies a viking museum. But I mean, if you get robbed or murdered at a viking museum, can you really complain? This is pretty much it. There's not even an employee. Just a machine to buy tickets from and a sign telling you that you really should buy a ticket. But don't worry, the third museum is really going to hit! Can you even call yourself a European city if you don't have a canal? ARoS Aarhus Art Museum Spoiler: This place was great. One of the best museums we've been to. Just lots of different interesting types of art. Handy floor guide. That was not a hand pun. But now I guess it is, no matter what I say. "Your Rainbow Panorama" An art and an observation deck. What could be better? My first thought was penis. Allow me to explain. A lot of classical roman statues are nude figures that sometimes modern prudes object to, and demand be covered up. This figure seems to have been covered in a way that is injuring him, by driving spikes into his flesh that hold up the cloth that covers his junk. Thus, a statement. Or I'm totally off base. But isn't art supposed to make you think? And when one thinks, isn't one, in a sense, supposed to think of penises? I have always felt it to be so. Also a penis. I assume. Jesus, guys, is everything here just a penis? Who is Boy? I, also, am an artist. I call this photograph, "Penis." Comedy comes in threes and that was four. Comes. Ah yes, the third manned mission to land on the moon. Apollo 14, the one where they started to get experimental. French artist Annette Messager has quite a large area dedicated to her work, some of which is really interesting and thought-provoking and some of which is this. Bathrooms in Denmark are weird. And for some reason I got thrown out of the museum right after this and I'm not sure why. Maybe I wasn't supposed to take pictures in there? I guess that makes sense. Any one of these could've been the title of this update. What's the next park we're going to? Djurs? Maybe "Meow Meow Ocean Burst" could work for that one. This unisex bathroom was even weirder. But I do like Denmark. Not as much as I like Sweden. Okay, okay, I'm going! Something tells you that you've got to get away from it.... Condiments are very specific in Denmark. Flea Market Genes