Electerik

New owners trying to put their stamp on things. Seems like they've been putting some money in, too, though.

A Random Photo That Will Reward Those Who Comb Through The Thread Page By Page Rather Than Navigating Via The Table Of Contents, Though I Don't Really Have A Preference To Be Honest, Do Your Own Thing, Man (An Ongoing Feature, Though Its Name Will Change Each Time I Do It) The Fremont Bridge in Seattle is the most frequently opened drawbridge in the United States.

I'm not sure what a normal amount is, but I feel like I've been to a lot of aquariums, and the Georgia Aquarium is my favorite. Never made it to World of Coke, but I'm happy to see that they have Beverly. Thanks for posting this!

No, thank you. Thank you for creating this site in the first place, and thank you for hosting all of my random mini golf photos for the last 13 years(!)

Seattle Center Seattle Center is a 74-acre park (for lack of a better word). Built for the 1962 World's Fair, but always intended to live on long after, it features a mix of public spaces, and both city and privately run attractions. Some of the attractions featured in this update will likely receive their own, more detailed, updates at some point in the future. But I wanted to start with an overview of what is undoubtedly the cultural and tourism center of Seattle. Seattle Center's most famous tenant is, of course, the Space Needle. Indeed, this attraction is almost synonymous with the city itself. Once the tallest building west of the Mississippi, it's now not even one of the five tallest buildings in Seattle. However, a city ordinance keeps its views intact by forbidding other tall buildings being built around it. Smart. Seattle Center features quite a few different permanent sculptures and other art installations, such as Sonic Bloom, which plays various tones as you walk through it. Don't let the fact that Chihuly Garden and Glass replaced a small amusement park that once stood on the grounds poison you against it. In fact, it's easily my favorite museum anywhere. I admit, however, that I do wish Fun Forest was still here in some form, as I never got to visit it. It honestly doesn't seem like it was that great, but without it, Seattle no longer has a proper amusement park. In the upper left of this photo, you can see the white arches of the Pacific Science Center. And, in the distance, Elliott Bay and the Olympic Peninsula. You are here. Well, ish. I'll get to the Armory in a minute. Anyway, this is a map of Seattle Center. Maybe I should have led with that. If you like fountains, you'll love Seattle Center. Actually, this is a bad example. I mean, the whale tale is a fountain, but it's turned off in this photo. Also, in keeping with the sea creatures theme, there are statues of some fish, a seahorse, and a flying pig. Fisher Pavilion is home (or at least ground zero) to most of the various cultural festivals held in Seattle Center throughout the year. The International Fountain Key Arena, in the background, is currently being renovated. Once home to the NBA's Seattle Supersonics, it is being gutted and rebuilt (keeping only it's outer shell) as a hockey area for an NHL expansion team due to begin play in 2021. They don't have a name yet, but my suggestion is the Seattle Freeze. Fall colors in front of the KEXP building, which is both a radio station and a coffee shop, because Seattle. This display honors August Wilson, who was of course the inventor of doors. The Fountain of Creation is a fountain that celebrates water. (To be fair, it's more like water's role in the creation of life or something, but whatever.) This pagoda thing honors the Lion's Club, which is even sillier. These red tubes commemorate parasitic alien space worms, because you'll believe anything now. (Fleeing human for scale.) Look, another fountain. I feel fully justified in my earlier statement. And who does this one honor? "Ding" This "fountain" separates the Pacific Northwest Ballet and the Seattle Opera. Because if there's one thing that makes ballet dancers feel valued, it's a constantly wet sidewalk right outside their door. Smisty found her way to the center of the labyrinth that's part of the "Artists at Play" playground. This is her victory stance, and not a gesture of annoyance at my taking this photo. Collections Cafe (right) is part of Chihuly Garden and Glass, and the Armory (left) is the one building that predates the World's Fair, and actually was an armory at one point. The Armory is now basically a large food court, with its lower level housing the Seattle Children's Museum. The Seattle Children's Museum will likely not be getting its own update, though, as they won't let us in. Because we don't have children. It's not like we got trespassed or something. Still, you never know. To be clear, I mean that they may change their rules, not that we might one day have children. STOP ASKING. Also built for the 1962 World's Fair, and still running. There are only two stations, though. This one, and the other about a mile downtown at Westlake Center. Of course, there's also a light rail station at Westlake Center, so as long as you don't mind transferring once, you can actually get all the way to Seattle Center from the SEATAC airport via train/monorail. The monorail also travels through MoPop, the Museum of Pop Culture (formerly known as EMP, the Experience Music Project), which was originally meant to be a Jimi Hendrix museum, but covers lots of metaphorical ground now. The John T. Williams Memorial Totem Pole was erected in 2012 to honor a local Native American woodcarver who was shot and killed by a Seattle Police Officer in 2012, because he had a knife. Hey, every caption can't be fun. Near the entrance to the Space Needle sits a bronze recreation of "The Feminine One," a sculpture which served as partial inspiration for the design of the Space Needle. Of course, there's lots more to say about the Space Needle. And Seattle, itself. Indeed, all of Washington State! Let's see how much of it we get to...!

Erik & Smisty's Evergreen Oddventures Table of Contents Seattle Center Granger, Washington: "Where Dinosaurs Roam" Miners Landing at Pier 57 Luna Park Cafe Riverfront Park (Spokane) Mike 'N' Terry's Outdoor Fun Park (The Putting Zoo)

Stupid technical question: Are two of those photos upside-down, or do they just appear that way to me? Follow up question: If they do look that way to everyone, did no one want to say anything because they just thought it was a bit by me? [Edit: I think I've fixed it. Welcome to a now confusing post!]

I could definitely tell that that there were sections that were better, or at least differently rough. Sure. Tone is something I struggle with sometimes. It's not a bad park. I had a good time. It's just that if someone were to tell me they were going to this park and asked me what rides they couldn't afford to miss, I'm not sure what my answer would be. I mean, "Make sure you look at the flowers," seems a bit substandard. "Check out Tremors' gift shop"? Personally, I don't think most parks need more than four or five coasters. They just need to figure out how to keep the ones they do have in good shape. But the big glaring hole at Silverwood, in my opinion, is the absence of anything even dark ride-adjacent. Still, I've been to worse places.

Hello! Erik here. You may remember Smisty and I from such trip reports as Erik & Smisty & TPR do Holland, Poland, and Swedeland. (Honestly, you really should. It hasn't been that long.) Well, we made a new friend on that trip, and he talked us into going on another short vacation--which he then promptly bailed on. So let this TR serve as Record of Shame for the one know as Goldballs. SILVERWOOD We arrived way too early, as is our trademark. To be fair, though, the park opened at 11:00am, which is rather late in my view. For a park that's only 26 years old, Silverwood has a screwy layout. Here I am about to tunnel under the highway to get from the parking lot to the front gate. Hooray, Dollywood! I know, I know, it's not Dollywood. But look, it kind of is. Just, you know, not as good. So, after entering the park, you then walk along a pathway to a building that is nothing. (But maybe used to be the front gate or ticket booth earlier in the park's history? I don't know. This was our first visit.) You then walk a bit more to a plaza where the train station and carousel are, make a left, cross the railroad tracks, make another left where you walk back perpendicular to the main entrance, squeeze passed what sort of seems like the back of this pizza and magic show building, and then cross the railroad tracks again to get to where most of the park is. There's also a second gate (not open this day) that connects the entry plaza directly to where you're now standing, but why would anybody want to use that? Most of the park's big coasters are in the back. Well, not really the back. More like the left. But effectively the back. This is Timber Terror on the left, just the barest glimpse of Tremors on the right, and a pretty good example of how most of the Silverwood's pathways look down the middle. Also, some random little girl whom I've decided to refer to as Andrew. Buddy! So nice of you to join us! A better look at Tremors. I did like the park's country theming, trees, and landscaping. It was also very clean. But desperately in need of a dark ride and a coaster that I would want to ride twice. The entrance to Timber Terror and the dual lifts of Aftershock. Aftershock is of course a Super Boomerang, by Vekoma--a company I can't make quite as much fun of now that I've been to Poland. Buzzbars, woo! But this ride is rough. It was also rather slow. BUT, if I'm being fair, we were also on the first train of the day and it was a mostly empty train, at that. The ride ops were friendly, though, so that's cool. Tremors had more airtime, but was even rougher. After the ride, Smisty and I agreed that we would start planning our trips around hypercoasters. These "do not stand up" signs are so prevalent that I almost want to google if something happened on this ride.... Every coaster in this park is only capable of running one train, which is why we hit the coasters up early. Silverwood also does that load the train, check the seatbelts, allow the lapbars to come down, check the lapbars thing--so don't expect to not wait long. And just look at this shoddy architecture! That's a joke. I'm making fun of myself for complaining too much. So now you don't have to. Also, we went to this park, so now you don't have to. The famous Tremors gift shop tunnel, which is legitimately cool. I like Timber Terror's train. Okay, well, we came here for the wooden coasters. What did you think, Mist-- Oh. Yikes. Honestly, they're just too rough for us old people. If they were maintained like the landscaping of this place is, I'm pretty sure they'd be great. The park has a full-service restaurant at the front, which is where I originally planned to eat. But you've got to be flexible, you know? This looked pretty good, and it meant we didn't have to walk to the front of the park and then back again, so we went with it. Basically, this is an all-you-can-eat BBQ place inside the park's picnic area, which I thought was interesting. Cool, a rapids ride! Nope. But Smisty will take a photo of Tremors through a hole in the fence of the rapids ride. Man, this place is hideous. Hey, it's the Roaring 20s Corkscrew (but minus one train). (I'm not crazy here, right? This used to have two trains when it was at Knott's.) I do like the way they ran this car ride under Corkscrew. I mean, this photo doesn't show that, but that's on me. Another cool thing about Silverwood is that each restroom has a different name (Lonnie's Lou, Outhouses, Thunder Creek Relief Station, etc.) It's a small thing--maybe even a weird thing--but I really like it. Log Flume! It's not called log flume. Actually, it might be. Fine, I'll look it up. "Roaring Creek Log Flume" That was worth it. This is awesome. That's how you do it. Now they just need a dark ride. The Quiet Garden was nice. It's just some benches and trees and birdhouses. Would be a nice place for a dark ride. They kind of all are, Silverwood. They kind of all are. I have seen one of these before, and I think they're great. I don't think the little girl in the front ("Andrew") does, though. Back to the front of the park. Or, really, like the middle. The layout is weird. Where the park grows its plants? Weirdly front of house, but why not? (You can't actually go in, though. You just get to look at it.) There's certainly room for expansion. The water park is off that way. Also, closed for the season. Someone has set up this giant chess set like its checkers and I am unaccountably angry about it. I will also applaud Silverwood for not having a lot of Halloween event theming all over the place. This was the only indication I saw (other than a few advertisements) that they were going to have an event at all. These buildings were built so that the train didn't feel lonely. But they also have things in them, like candy! The front of the park also features a country-style carousel. Train station theming. Okay, so the train is actually the park's main attraction. In that, it's the longest ride there, it's the entire reason the park was even built, and its layout takes up a huge amount of space, while the actual theme park is sort of wedged into a corner. There's a story to the train ride. Well, actually, there are like, four or five stories that don't particularly make sense together. But I'll try. So, there was an expedition by a famous explorer to see if they could find Bigfoot, but the expedition went missing. So now you're part of another expedition put together by his daughters to go find the first expedition and also maybe Bigfoot but lookout for train robbers because the Marshall says there's been reports but it's okay because the expedition leader has a gun that she wants you to know is fake (I assume because this is Idaho and at least some of the guests on the train are probably armed and likely just stupid enough to shoot at a cast member who has a fake gun) and also would you like to buy some popcorn? Bison. They have nothing to do with the story. (I think?) Here the train stops to be robbed (weird decision, that) by an Australian dude and a Frenchwoman. (Did I mention that the expedition is allegedly English? Because it is.) There's also a bit of a stunt show here. Oh! And some guests give them real money, which they keep and give to charity or something...? And then we're in the fairy woods and there are spitting trolls oh what the actual fudge!? No one told me I was going to get wet on the train ride. Heading back to the park. Along the road. Even though the train has like 300 acres to play with. Goodbye, Silverwood. I like you, but you don't actually deserve it. It's like we're back at Duinrell. I've never seen one of these before, but I like the look of it.

I don't feel like I need to go back to Poland--except, Legendia was great. I meant to investigate the skyride thing. I'm sure it was closed, but I just wanted to know what it was all about. Maybe it takes you out to some remote parking lot? It was definitely outside of the park. Much to my surprise, Lech was the coaster of the trip for me.

You know, having never been to Drievliet before, and not having done any real researched, I just assumed that Formule X was the park's big new ride. In fact, I assumed that until just now when I read your update! I really liked Drievliet. It was cute and interesting and fun. I would've called it the surprise of the trip, until we got to Legendia. Duinrell, on the other hand...well, I was going to say, "is a park." But it's not really, is it?

Well, that's very nice to hear. But I for one am glad it's over. It took me a month! At least I can console myself that Chuck, Larry, and AJ are still on Holland parks.

Part 5: Ships & Meatballs While Holland was probably our favorite of the three countries we visited, Stockholm was our favorite city. After the official end of the TPR trip, we hung out there for three more days, doing Erik & Smisty stuff. This is that. Stockholm doesn't have a proper zoo or aquarium, but they do have Skansen, an "open air museum" full of old buildings, arts & crafts, animals, and even a couple of small kids rides. Swedish funicular #2. (Remember where we saw #1? If you think you do, write it down on a piece of paper and then mail it to yourself. When it arrives, have a nice frosty beverage of your choice as a reward! It's nice to do things for yourself!) Aquarium and herpetarium section. Meatballs and mash. Note the Swedish flags bracketing the rainbow flag. Pride weekend started in Stockholm the day after the TPR trip officially ended. However, other than lots of rainbow flags, we didn't really see anything prideful while we were there. I want a car ride in my backyard. Or anywhere, really. Or even just a backyard. I don't really want a backyard. A car ride would be nice, though. "I have a backyard. But I call it a garden, because we speak English English here." (I would also like a bear, please. But a less mouthy one.) An ancient Viking truck-bed camper. The circle of life. Selfie. A different Skansen small aquarium thing. They spoil us! I gathered that this was some sort of forerunner of bowling. There was more to Skansen than we saw, but it was still hot in Stockholm and we were ready to move on about halfway through the day. Still, worth the time we gave it. A view of the city from Skansen. Our hotel. I mean, we don't own it. But we stayed there for three days. If we did own, oh boy! Definitely we'd put a car ride in the backyard. Which it already kind of has, because its backyard is Gröna Lund. This was our hotel. Did we go to ABBA The Museum? You're kidding, right? Real musical instruments! (Maybe?) ABBA did not call. "We're here because we love ABBA, and we're going to take a photo together in this giant heart because you love me."- "Okay, I get that, but my point is that hearts were never part of ABBA's visual motif." We weren't brave enough for this, but Smisty's cousins, Becky and Beckia, were. Harry Potter technology. I'm not knowledgeable enough about ABBA to know whether or not this makes sense. This building has masts. The Vasa Museum is a museum built around exactly one exhibit, the Vasa--which is a giant warship that sank in 1628 about 20 minutes after it launched because it was designed by an early forerunner of Intamin. A collection of great anchors. Steering is hard. The Vasa sat at the bottom of Stockholm harbor for over 300 years. I really enjoyed the "we have this one thing and everything is related to that" aesthetic of the Vasa Museum, even if you can't actually go onto the ship. (Which is a "duh" but also still kind of sad.) The striking blue gate of the Royal Djurgården park. Stockholm doing its best to make us forget all about Amsterdam. Fountain and circular park in the middle of a roundabout. The real reason my backpack enthusiast wife wanted to go to Sweden. We chose Europe over a Japan trip, but this makes me feel like I still got a little bit of Japan. Skum is Swedish for foam. Doesn't help much. You can't actually buy anything at this IKEA, it's just for designing Kök. Old buildings. Well, this isn't going to work. A statue of King Ikeaskum, also know as the Bareass Warrior, founder of both Sweden and the area once known as Normarkia. The Royal Palace. (I actually know this one.) These building are all ice cream parlors, but she's not allowed to have any. It's quite sad, actually. But that's the life of a royal guard. The famous Five Whorehouses. The narrowest street in Sweden. (This might actually be true.) We ferried back to Gröna Lund for some dinner. I just can't quit you, Gröna Lund. Random boaty giftshop. We nearly skipped the Viking Museum, but while trying to choose between this and some other museum, I stumbled across a mention of a ride in one of the reviews.... The Viking Museum is actually really nice. Small, but kept up and "new" feeling. Smisty looking hard with Viking props. Am I doing this correctly? This chick gets to go to work in a sack and not wear shoes and I suddenly feel like a total corporate sell out. A board game that you could theoretically play except that no one actually knows what the rules were. Wait, is that employee flipping me off? Ragnfrid's Saga is trackless dark ride that takes up most of the building's lower floor. Unfortunately, photography is not allowed on Ragnfrid's Saga, so here's a photo of a helmet from elsewhere in the museum. Is this dark ride good? Well, it's a dark ride, so yes. But no, not really. You move from room to room, stopping in each one for (mostly) static figures and some narration. Also, our heroes are slavers, so that's kind of weird. On the other hand, it exists, and it's in a museum, so that automatically makes this place better than every single museum that does not have a dark ride, which might very well be all of them. Concept art for the dark ride. / Europe is not afraid of stairs. / Mmm, glöd. Glöd. (In Sweden, all Caesar salads have bacon on them.) The Royal Fish Hatchery. This is a good name for a boat. Senior housing. (That's not.... What?) Primer Burger is the most American eatery we encountered in Sweden. Certainly, Smisty seems happy. Off the beaten path in Stockholm. (Or, in other words, lost.) Our Lady of the Rotary Phone The largest spherical building in the world, and also an observation...thing. From here, you can see the end of this trip report. Thank you for coming on our Euroddventure. We had tons of fun doing it. We hope you at least had a few ounces of fun reading along.

Yeah, I was really tired by this point, too. The whole "up early in Poland" thing was supposed to result in a mid-day nap in Sweden, but due to the flight snafu, I was just up for A Very Long Time the day before Liseberg. And, another fun side effect of my scoliosis is a complete inability to sleep when not fully and comfortably lying down--or, to put it another way, I can't sleep on planes or buses. We also just encountered a lot of weird stuff in the morning at Liseberg that kind of put me off--but it recovered. Not my favorite park of the trip, but still at least "good."

Part 4: Buses and Glassbombers The plan was to gather at 4:30am, fly from Poland to Sweden via Amsterdam, and then spend a few hours at Liseberg before our full day there. Alas, the European heatwave caught up with us, shutting down Amsterdam's airport and sending lots of travelers scrambling. This was mildly stressful for us, but only mildly because Elissa and Robb had to do all the work. In the end, we flew out in several smaller groups, at various times, and while Misty and I missed the "half day" at Liseberg, we found that one full day was enough for us anyway. In fact, I found myself not really digging Liseberg--at least, not during the first half of the day. I thought their coaster collection ho-hum, they don't have a dark ride (actually, their old one closed last year, and they are building a new one for next year, but my assertion still stands), their opening times for rides varied wildly (as late as noon, in some cases), and a few other minor annoyances added up to us thinking that maybe this park wasn't so great. However, after going back to the hotel for a nap and coming back in the late afternoon, we were able to experience all of the other things the park had to offer and began to enjoy it much more. Kolmården is a sprawling, wooded and hilly zoo with large animal enclosures and a small collection of rides--the two most impressive of which are Wildfire (a "wooden" RMC) and an elaborate skyride with a view of animals. Our final park of the trip was Gröna Lund--a city park that reminded me quite a bit of Indiana Beach (this is a good thing). If Efteling was objectively my favorite park of the trip, Gröna Lund was more "my" kind of park. Krakow airport woes. (Or, trying to shut this one down too by overloading its electrical systems.) For the record, none of these belonged to Smisty or I. Flying into Munich for a quick layover. Which caused some debate: Does this count as having visited Germany? (In my opinion, no--even if you did have a pretzel at the airport.) At last, Gothenburg! Up until this trip, I had never experienced an airport "bus terminal." I most certainly cannot say that now. One nice thing about the US, I now know, is that our airports tend to be much roomier. Liseberg is most definitely an amusement park. No themed sections here. Valkyria is the park's new B&M dive coaster. I liked the restraints, but hated the seats, which were rather check mark shaped. Valkyria was fine. Enjoyable, enough. I rode it twice. The mist-filled tunnel was really nice (especially considering how hot out it was) and the slow roll was different for B&M. Still, SheiKra remains my clear favorite in this category. Liseberg had some interesting games, like this one where you use a robotic arm to stack logs onto a rolling cart. (Or, as I like to call it, the Swedish Citizenry Test.) Liseberg sits on a really interesting and awesome-for-an-amusement-park plot of land, with the left half of the park being flat, and the right being the side of a large hill. The park's early rides clearly used this to their advantage, but the newer ones, not so much. To make up for that, escalators! Helix's queue is weird as hell. Long, angular, crossing over itself randomly. Somehow both hard to shortcut through but easy to get lost in. A real tour de force of bizarreness. Helix was kind of terrible for me, by which I mean the restraints sucked. Misty liked it, though. This weird spinning kid's Ferris Wheel (center right) was great, though. (Toverland had one, too, but it was closed the day we visited.) Having given up on finding a proper restaurant that was open, we decided to give Max a try. mAx is a Swedish burger chain, so this is a bit like having a Subway or Panda Express in a Six Flags or Cedar Fair park. Still, maX was new to us, and we enjoyed it enough to go to another one in Stockholm a few days later. Kaninresan (or Rabbit River) was our second water cups attraction of the trip, and also ever. It was almost dark ride-esque, in that it had show scenes of wide-eyed green bunnies singing silently behind glass. Or perhaps they were bemoaning our ability as humans to eventually die. It's hard to say. Aw, crap, it's a Liseberg bunny and it's locked eyes with us. One of the group must now perish, for it is the way of things. This seems like a great idea. Balder. Okay. I'd heard a lot of good things. Some in our group really liked it. But, to me, it was just okay. Don't get me wrong, there was airtime, good airtime, several instances of it. But...every moment of airtime was almost exactly the same. And every turn was uninteresting in exactly the same way. Except for the first drop, every hill is 30 feet down, 25 feet up, and then followed by a boring turn. Repeat until you're at ground level. Okay, let's put this is terms I can understand. Let's say I promised you the most amazing ice cream sundae ever. But then I just served you 10 scoops of chocolate chip ice cream. I mean, chocolate chip is great, right? Therefore, this is the best sundae you've ever had. You're welcome. This is Pontus. I understand that his job at Liseberg is just dealing with coaster enthusiast groups. Which sounds like the kind of job you get assigned in hell to me, but he was awesome. He let us into an off limits area of the ride and let us scribble our names on the coaster. So now I feel like a real jerk for not liking the ride more. We headed back to our hotel to take a nap. I'm not saying that our room was small, but.... Much like the United States, Sweden also has buildings. Next to Liseberg was the Universeum. And since it was stupid hot outside and we weren't absolutely in love with Liseberg, we took some time out of our day to check it out. I bet Chuck and Larry and AJ don't have this in their trip reports! Funicular #1 of the trip! (Foreshadowing!) The Universeum has several different "environments." This is the ocean-y bit. I probably didn't need to tell you that, but I did, because I get paid by the word. I'm now being told that I don't get paid for these. Okay, let's try this again: Water. My getting out of the heat plan seemed solid until we got to the glass-enclosed tropical rainforest part. In other news, these stroller ramp death trap stairs are all over Sweden, but this one looks especially terrifying. Question: Can Smisty pull her hand away before the king cobra bites and kills her? Answer: No. But don't worry, it's just a simulation! Space I just now saw that little plastic bag there and I want to pick it up but that's not a sane thought because this was weeks ago and in Sweden. Maybe I could call them about it.... Back to the park in time for a TPR group dinner. And I literally can't name anything on my plate! Well, okay, strawberries. And an orange slice. Lingonberries. Bread. I literally cannot name everything on my plate. This is a legitimate ice cream innovation. Imagine a hard-scooped ice cream sundae, except replace the whipped cream with soft serve. Why is the US sleeping on this?! Smisty enjoying the wave swinger while I photo things. Such as Smisty enjoying the wave swinger. Liseberg's Flume Ride utilizes the terrain nicely, and has a slightly unusual layout. It starts with this long lift, meanders part way down the hill side, goes up a second long lift, and then drops three times in a row back down to station level. No animatronics or theming, really, but it does interact with Lisabanana is a fun way. Exciting splash-down wall! Lisabanana and Blomsterkarusellen. Also, a woman looking at a horses butt. I'm really happy with how this photo turned out. Smisty's favorite ride at Liseberg, and probably her favorite Tilt-a-Whirl. It was so good that she came and got me and made me ride it with her. A mirror maze I didn't discover until almost park closing. Lisebergbanan and almost the entire rest of the park from the Ferris Wheel. The first time I rode Lisebergbanan, I was disappointed. I'd really been looking forward to what Anton Schwarzkopf once declared to be his own favorite design, but it was unexpectedly janky. I'd ridden in the front seat, pretty early in the day, so I decided to give Lisebergbanan another shot at night, in the back seat, and enjoyed it much more! Lisebergbanan. We are not blocking the view. We are the view. So, yeah, in the end, I did enjoy Liseberg. A dark ride would help, of course, but that's coming. American coaster enthusiasts descend on the zoo. Well, not American Coaster Enthusiasts. Just coaster enthusiasts from America. Not all of whom were American, actually. It's a zoo. I know this place like the back of Misty's head. The animal enclosures at Kolmården tend to be large and elaborate, which is great. But that also means that they tend to be spread apart from each other and can make actually spotting the animals within the enclosures somewhat difficult. The park's Bamse World kid's area. Bamse is like Swedish Popeye, but a bear and he eats "thunder honey" instead of spinach and he's all about equality, not fighting over women like they're incapable of making their own choices. Bamse is nothing like Popeye. Rector described this family coaster as having "a pretty good first drop" which really just makes me not want to hang out with coaster enthusiasts anymore. (Okay, actually, he was kind of right. Dammit.) Man, they could at least clean up the dead ones. Mexican food at a Swedish zoo? Hell yeah! I've never had such authentic Mexican pickled red onions before! This is like maybe a quarter of the tiger enclosure. At last, a zoo that takes misbehaved children seriously. Pretty nice dolphin exhibit and possible show arena. (I say possible because there was another stadium next door where the actual dolphin show was. It certainly looks like they could have them here, though. Maybe when the weather is bad?) Not getting a train in my photos of Wildfire is going to be a theme. But I got a Delphinexpressen one! Safari is the park's 30-minute Skyride, complete with automated narration (available in four languages, including English) and a view of animals, Wildfire, and Bråviken Bay. Okay, so how does Safari stack up against the Skyride at Busch Gardens Tampa? Well, it's longer, certainly. And it crosses over and under itself. Plus, the trees and the bay are nice. But I'm not sure you actually see more or more interesting animals on it. So, better, but not by a lot? Wildfire. I rode it. Once. You know how I feel about these things by now, don't you? It was less good than Untamed, which I also only rode once. So I guess I like the "steel" ones better than the "wooden" ones. The, um, "turnaround" of Wildfire and Bråviken Bay. You know what? This is better than Busch Gardens Tampa's Skyride. But I love them both. Ooh, ooh, a train! Ending the Kolmården part of this report right here. Gröna Lund makes me want to live in Stockholm. We start the morning with a presentation from Gröna Lund's park historian, Andreas. What do you think he's explaining here? a.) The park's new attraction for next year. b.) The lengths people once had to go to see nudity before the invention of the internet. c.) What to do when women drop their clothes upon learning that you are a coaster enthusiast. We then were led into a giant pit wherein the park's under-construction B&M inverted coaster's station will be. So I guess it wasn't "a.)" We then got to ride some stuff before the park opened to the general public. Always nice to get some photos before everything fills up with people. AJ is dedicated to his craft. Jetline's cool funky curved lifthill. I believe I rode Jetline more than any other single ride on the trip. So, yes, I liked it. Wow, a coaster Erik actually likes! (Actually, there are two in this photo!) A games area, right after park opening. The park's traditional, yet rebuilt and modern, dark ride, Blue Train. AKA, the dark ride I rode the greatest number of times on this trip. Blue Train is everything I want to be. Note the tilting track. Also, the seats have a Bug's Life type thing going on. None of it makes any sense, and it's awesome. Look, I'm sure its theming, but I'm a foreigner here and I'm just not going to risk it, okay? While we're on the subject, Gröna Lund has two really ostentatious restrooms elsewhere, but I didn't take a photo of them inside because that would be weird and I'm not a weirdo who takes photos of the insides of restrooms. Ha-ha, just kidding. Here you go. I'm pretty sure this is the same layout as a bunch of other junior Vekoma "suspended" coasters, but I'm also pretty sure that this had to be the first one and custom (at the time) just because of the way it fits in with the rest of the park. House of Nightmares is a Sally walk-through haunted house which I didn't even know was a thing. Liseberg also had a walk-through haunted house that I didn't show because I AM MASTER OF ALL YOU SEE AND KNOW and also neither of these things allow photos inside because they have no confidence in their product (I imagine). Anyway, both were upcharges. Liseberg's was better, but this one actually had a semi-coherent storyline, so that was interesting. Run, Smisty, before the tree gets you! Pizza was pretty good. Also, I was able to get ice. Stockholm was much more understanding about this than anywhere else we visited in Europe. So, if you love ice, give Stockholm a go! It occurs to me that would make a pretty terrible tourism slogan for the city. Ben & Jerry's. I know, boring, right? But no! Because there are flavors that you can't get in the States! Such as, "Totally Baked Alaska," which consists of vanilla ice cream with a marshmallow ribbon and bear-shaped white chocolate pieces, and is my new favorite Ben & Jerry's flavor. Oh right, rides. This is Vilda Musen, a Gerstlauer Bobsled masquerading as a wild mouse! First of all, I love that the park decorates its coaster queues with information about other roller coasters. And, secondly, this queue is not designed for Americans. A second coaster I like! And in the same park! Like most of Gröna Lund's rides, it goes over and around other rides and buildings and just wouldn't make sense anywhere else. Gröna Lund has two sections, the large section (with mostly adult rides) and the small section (with mostly kids rides). We didn't spend a lot of time in the small section, but we did ride this. Small section towers. I am art. (or maybe Smisty is. I don't really know.) Wait, so the star flyer is supposed to be themed to hot air balloons? Normally, I find star flyers both boring and kind of terrifying. But this one was neither because I was so busy looking at all the cool stuff below me. The only "water ride" at Gröna Lund, the tunnel of love. I tried to order a pretzel from these guys, but they just ignored me. Tunnel of self-love. The old school funhouse was really cool, but it was all in. No bypassing things you didn't want to do, like the one at Toverland. A very inefficient way of getting from one place to another. The funhouse ends with a cool double-down carpet slide. Am I supposed to be making jokes? I'm sorry. I'll try harder. This restaurant is built on top of other buildings, because everything here is. In honor of our last TPR dinner, I took this photo of my food and not of anyone actually at this dinner. Gröna Lund sees your swing-ride-over-the-water, Indiana Beach, and raises you a castle in the distance. Twister was weird and a bit rough, but the restraints weren't terrible. (They looked like they'd be super awful for me, but they weren't.) Goodbye Gröna Lund, and goodbye TPR, but not goodbye Stockholm, and technically not even goodbye Gröna Lund, despite what I just said. Anyway, stay tuned for the final part of our vacation, and then maybe one update after that, if I feel like doing something weird.

I feel like there's a hidden meaning in your letter selection and arrangement, perhaps implying some regret in your choice of walking...?

Probably Seuss Landing at IOA. But I also really liked Avalon at Toverland. Cars Land at California Adventure is also quite good, I admit. Um...Seuss Landing!

I'll defend Hyperion, for sure. And yes, Formula was good. I didn't ride Dragon, because I couldn't be arsed. But, hang on a second there, AJ. Legendia was "creepy"? How dare you, sir! Legendia is the bestest boy!

They had a ride called Sky Flyer, but on one directional sign, it was written as Sky Flayer, which is just so much more metal. \m/

Part 3: Planes & Pierogi The most intense day of the trip saw us visiting two smaller Dutch parks before boarding a plane for Poland. I knew almost nothing about Drievliet, but came away having really enjoyed our short visit there. It was small, but clearly loved by whomever owns it--and also by me. There's probably a lot of fun to be had at Duinrell, on the right day--but this was not the right day. It's probably better than I'm about to treat it, but it was still my least favorite park of the trip. Most of the really weird stuff happened in Poland. Energylandia feels like it's growing fast, but less in a thought-through way, and more in a game show shopping spree way. It was rainy and overcast the whole day we were there, so most of my photos will be super awesome if you're into the color gray. All of the park's rides had electronic wait signs that were (apparently) tied into a central system, so that you could see every ride's wait time from electronic boards throughout the park. Which sounds great, except that every ride was set to either zero or 10 minutes and never changed (either at the board or at the rides themselves) no matter what the actual wait times were. So, yeah. Still, we had a fun day here--though I feel like we maybe enjoyed the park more than most of our fellow coaster trippers did. Legendia might not have been the best park on the trip, objectively--but it's the park I've thought about the most since the trip, and the park I'd most like to go back to right now. I just want to pick it up and kiss it on its little nose and call it George. But make no mistake: this mixed metaphor has claws! Wait. What? The front part of Drievliet is aimed mostly at children, with a couple of full sized rides, and a distinct sea life theme. Yes, a grown up ride! [Photo by Elissa (and not Robb) because I'm pretty sure I owe her one.] The track of Twistrix didn't do much, but the cars spun like crazy, sometimes for no apparent reason. Smisty was in heaven. I rode twice, in the sense that one ride is two full circuits. Plus, I alone cracked the code on why it's owl themed. (If you think you know, keep it to yourself. It's mine.) Just a little walk through of Old MacDonald's Farm. Well, more just his barn, I guess. But the song is about his farm. Look, you're overthinking this. There are animals and you push buttons and they make animal noises. It's not that complicated. The park's newest, and biggest, coaster, the not terribly large Formule X. I rode it, and it was okay. (This matters. But there will be a couple more parks before it really pays off.) The US is still on 4D. I feel shame for my country. The Spookmuseum dark ride was very classic, and in really good shape. Also, there is a hedge maze, and this park is really nice.. Just a simple, model log flume. The building to the right houses its on-ride photo shop, some fun house mirrors, and a small arcade. Wet and misshapen. Kopermijn was wild in the very best way. Usually, I feel like the wuss of the group, but we loved this one, and almost everyone else seemed to think it was a bit too much. Drievliet has a little museum about itself. Not enough parks have something like this, and it's even cooler to see it in a really small park. You can't be considered a proper theme park in Holland without a pooping donkey. Duinerell is less a theme park, and more a campground with some rides. Maybe you're a fan of, say, Knoebels, and you're thinking that doesn't sound so bad. But in this case it was. Big trash. Bad bad beans. Okay, this looked pretty cool, though. Ever wanted to camp in an amusement park? And, I mean, IN an amusement park? Okay, sure, maybe so. And that's great for you. But what about me? Surprisingly, not Tennessee. I did like the way their three coasters were all painted the same woodsy color scheme and all intertwined with each other. Of course, I didn't ride any of the them because the park was extremely crowded and had no idea how to handle those crowds, but still. Note the splashdown boat and compare to the one in the next photo. Covered and non-covered options available. A lot of the trip participants just bit the bullet and waited in long lines for the credits. But that's not my style. My style is complaining. Fun story. I wanted to get a photo of this ride, but the cycle had just ended. So I got to watch the one ride op stationed at this ride let everyone out, go get a squeegee, slowly squeegee the water off of every single inch of the sloped concrete platform, almost fall in (twice), stand around for a few minutes, let the next group of riders in, and then slowly start checking their seats. The whole process took about 15 minutes, and I'm not even sure that it was entirely that guy's fault. The best part is that the fountains don't really even get the riders wet, just the platform. Happily, most of the campers were more interested in the thrill rides than the fairy tale / self-operated craziness section of the park. Boat jumping! I thought about it. I even climbed into a boat. But when the little lapbar didn't come close to being far enough down to latch over my big fat belly and just sort of pointed towards the sky like a sharp pointy stick of impalement, and I started to consider what the green stuff in the water would do to my open wound as I sunk slowly to the bottom of the lake, I decided to give it a miss. I'm not holding this one against the park. They get full credit for having the balls to even have this. I'm just too full of self-preservation. I went all the way to Wassenaar and all I did was not die! Duinrell is what I call...a cut rate park. (Yeeeeaaaahhhh!) Flying out of Amsterdam... ...and driving through Poland. Energylandia is like that friend you have who's always bragging about having 14 roller coasters, but then you go over to his house and 10 of them are rollerskaters. Hyperion was good, though. Really good. The restraints weren't the best for me, but it was still probably my second favorite coaster of the trip. When is free not free? When it costs 25 zoltars. This queue goes up a five story ramp for no apparent reason, does not cross the track, then goes down five flights of stairs to the station--either to save space, or to weed out Americans, I'm not sure which. A lot of our group found the outer seats to be rougher, but I didn't really notice that. Great layout, great ride, weird operations. Hey, it's me. "Speed" was even stupider than its name. The coaster part was slow and boring, and then I was sitting in water up to my waist. Well, since we're already soaked, we might as well ride the world's most boring rapids ride. Similar to, but legally distinct from, because it's a box truck or something, not a tractor. Also, like, if there are no humans, why do they have steering wheels? It's weird. The bottom floor of this building housed a gift shop and an interesting-looking game in which you had to peddle in order to power your slot car around a track. The second floor was an Italian quick service restaurant that was pretty not bad. The third floor was additional seating and essentially an observation deck. Here we observe Formula, which is basically a bigger, better version of Formule X (covered earlier in this post!) The park's newest section was in soft opening and over there. Note the currently under construction Zardoz. The new area looks pretty nice--but, then again, it's new. Smisty had been looking forward to meeting Energylandia's weird characters for months. It was very emotional. Water Cups are very popular in Europe and unjustly uncommon in the US. 7D??? Holland is still on 5D!!! This is Energylandia's "big" log flume ride. Yes, there is a smaller one. Highly enjoyable super-lame shooting dark ride. Like, seriously garage level. The smaller Splash Battle. This park has Cedar Point levels of redundancy. Also, lots of water rides. A big bucket of all the different ways you can fry chicken. I didn't actually ride it, but this ride caught my eye. The person on the inside seat has a steering wheel, which controls the back wheels, and the person on the outside seat has a gun they use to try to shoot a target on the back of the swerving car in front of them. Genius! The idea of a "Lights Motors Action" type show in Poland seemed too good to pass up, but was ultimately pretty disappointing. There was no story, but I had fun imagining that it was about escaping Alcatraz by car. The crowd's reaction. Damned dirty credit whores. Bitchin' souvenir, bro. In other news, this was Gearhart's 600th roller coaster. Wait, I said that at Walibi. Well, whatever. This is why you shouldn't count. Damn straight. I could've started with a photo of Legendia's entrance gate, which is lovely. Or of the cracky train station next door that I first worried was the entrance to the park. But it's me, so instead I'm going to show you a photo of this little dragon, which is listed on the map behind it as a thing--and yet, the map itself is not listed on...itself. What was I talking about again? Legendia is a city park that encircles a fairly large lake. This building houses an eatery, gift shop, children's play area, and the park's dark ride, Bazyliszka! Two of those things I said. Bazyliszek! Also, this park has Fast Pass. Or at least Fast Pass entrances. I didn't see machines for them, or points of sale anywhere. Or anyone using it. Maybe the signs were just theming. (I'd prefer that actually.) Grab your guns! Except they're mirror guns! Or something! It's all in Polish! And trackless! Bazkilishikas! So, a few days before this, if you'd asked me, I would've said that I might just skip this one. I mean, a weird-looking multi-looping Vekoma? Yeah.... But then I rode Formule X, which was okay, and Formula, which was good. And then Elissa mentioned that someone she knew at Vekoma had said something to the effect that if we'd liked Formula, we'd love Lech. So...yeah... Coaster of the trip. Imagine what I look like when I'm not enjoying a ride. Okay, so, if you can stop imagining that I'm pooping in this photo for a second, let's talk restraints. These were good, because the over the shoulder straps were soft and retractable/adjustable--which means that my hunched forward shoulders were secure but still comfortable. (I know, I know, I look pretty comfortable.) As for the ride itself: It was nuts. Good nuts. Also, my nuts were good. As in, not squished. I mean, now that you've seen this picture of me, I feel like there's nothing we can't talk about. [Photo by Satan.] This shirt makes me think I'm say Lech wrong. I understand, Golderg. I understand. Right after this photo was taken, he called his wife to tell her he'd found somebody. Diamond River is clealry an older ride, based on its air-hose activated restraint system and not-so-much-rolling-as-right-angle lifthill-to-level-to-dropping transitions. But the park has given it a nice new entrance, station, and gift shop. Apparently, a ski resort company bought this park a couple of years ago, and has been fixing it up and adding strategic new rides to it. And while it seems unlikely that we will be returning to Poland any time soon, I'm very interested in seeing where they go with it. This caption really has nothing to do with this photo, sorry. I guess what I'm saying is: Don't go to Poland for Energylandia. Go to Poland for Legendia. Giant Water Pump might be my favorite ride name ever (and the name of my new band!) Dreamflight Airlines or some such. Reminiscent of one of those old Schwarzkopf rides, but built in-house. The oldest ride in the park, and maybe the longest! It takes forever to get up to speed, and just as long to power down, but it's super fun! The penultimate seat of the coaster in the background faces backwards, because why not. Some people rode it, and gave it such glowing reviews as, "It wasn't terrible," and, "It didn't hurt that much." Our per-arranged park lunch. Erik Elness Beef Cake Ha-ha! No. Holy...! Have you guys ever heard of object sexuality? If you haven't, don't look it up. The "Legendia" sundae. Quite good, but be prepared for maximum mango. Wait, I'd like to change my band name. Goldballs surprises a ride operator by opening this unlocked control booth door. Although, in his defense.... This car ride is called, "Magical Postal Service." Which still makes more sense than Speed Dating. Lengendia's "Main Street." Part of Legendia's "Main Street" is a mountain climbing museum for some reason and I couldn't be happier. I just love this park so much. I wish we'd spent more time in it. Or that it was my home park except that I don't have to live in Poland. About two-thirds of our group left Legendia early to go on an Elissa-organized sub-trip to Auschwitz, but we opted to skip the depression tour and headed for Krakow's well-preserved medieval city center. This is the train station. THE TRAIN STATION. Sigh. Because, Poland. There were lots of things we wanted to see in the Krakow area, but we only had a few hours for sightseeing, so we went with "walking around and looking at old stuff." Wawel Royal Castle Oddly flavored candies in a Polish grocery store in a mall across from an American Embassy. Sure, I don't see why anyone would have a problem with this. Forced perspective! Take that, Disney! Literally the only thing that stopped us from going in here was the 100% certainty that we would be murdered. A nice area of town if you're looking for a good time with somebody's sister in exchange for money. More our speed. Yes, it's a Polish board game cafe in a medieval basement! Pierogi and a board game. (Technically, this photo was taken the next day at the airport, and it's my board game we brought with us, but it fits well here and as long as I don't say anything you probably won't notice.) ((D'oh!)) (((Do people still say, "D'oh"? Like, from The Simpsons?" They don't, do they?))) Well, kiss my grits. This is a "Teatr" and a nice photo and a good place to end. Next up: Sweden (if we can get out of Poland!)

I was kind of hoping you were going to answer this question.

What I liked about Symbolica was that it seemed like the park was very much following its own muse. I mean, they could have made it shooting or 3-D or something for marketing reasons, but they were just like, "No, this is what we want." Or, at least, that's the impression that I got out of it.

Part 2: Coaster Trains & Bitterballen Here begins our coastering around Europe with TPR. A few preparatory notes: We skipped the 0th day pre-trip add-on. Bobbejaanland looked cool, but as it was our first trip to Europe, we really wanted to maximize our time in Amsterdam. So you'll need to look to AJ, Chuck, or Larry's trip reports for coverage of that. Efteling is big. It's also really good, and in retrospect was probably the best park of the trip. At least, for us. The group stayed at the Efteling hotel for two nights and had about a day and a half in the park. This was ideal for us, as it meant we could really take our time at Efteling and go back to the hotel anytime we needed a rest (because we're old). The park was very lightly attended on our first evening there, and we were able to do quite a bit. It was a bit busier on our second day, but filming on the coasters in the morning before the park opened got us a lot of rides knocked out, and we were able to spend most of the second day checking out the fairy tale section of the park, re-riding things we'd liked, and picking up those last few things we'd missed. Next up was Toverland. I don't follow theme park happenings as closely I used to, and all I really knew about Toverland is that it was mostly indoors, with a couple of coasters outside. But that's not really the case. The park is bigger than I'd imagined, and their newest section (Avalon) is really good. We spent about three-quarters of the day there, leaving early (by more or less unanimous group decision) to stay ahead of a fairly ominous approaching storm. The third park I'll be covering in this update is Walibi Holland. This is a former Six Flags, so I expected to just ride a couple of good coasters and ignore most of the rest, but it turned out to be a fairly nice park. By this time I was convinced that The Netherlands is just pretty and all you have to do in terms of landscaping is to get out of the way. It also helped that the park seemed legitimately excited that we were there, and were very nice to us (not that the other parks weren't, mind you). We also visited two smaller parks in Holland, but I'm pushing those to the next update, whether it makes any sense geographically or not. I'm confident you'll forgive me. Speaking of me, it might be a good time to mention that my opinions--especially regarding roller coasters--are often very different than that of other coaster nerds. This isn't because I'm contrarian (well, not entirely, anyway) but because I have what parks call "unusual body dimensions." Not only am I overweight, but more importantly, I have scoliosis. Riding roller coasters doesn't exacerbate my condition or anything, but a lot of the newer restraints on today's wilder rides simply don't fit me well, and this often results in rather uncomfortable rides. So keep that in mind when I say things like, "I would've been more excited to ride Robin Hood than Untamed." I'm not trying to be provocative. It makes sense if you're me. Cool? That bus life. There was a mouse in our room! Also, a board game. And somebody else's red shoes! The Royal Beef at De Hoffelijke Heraut restaurant, in the Efteling Hotel, was amazing. Apples in the mashed potatoes?! Well done, Holland! (Restaurant name translation: The Courteous Herald.) The hotel has its own entrance at the back of the park. This Efteling's main entrance, and this photo was taken midway through our second day in the park. TRUST NOTHING. Most of Efteling's coasters are clumped together. But we're not really here for the coasters.... Dark ride rundown! The partially gravity-powered Dreamflight! The brand new (trackless and semi-interactive) Symbolica! The totally not racist anymore Festival Carnival! The 1001 Arabian Nights themed Fata Morgana! Efteling is not ugly. In fact, it's kind of like if Busch Gardens Williamsburg and Disneyland had a baby, but then Disney refused to acknowledge being the father, and then Busch Gardens was like, "I don't want your money, I just want our child to know his father," and then the child grew up and decided to spend a gap year in Europe and never came home. And his parents were both bitter in their own ways, but the child lived a happy life and never held any grudges. It's like that. I was under the impressions that Joris en de Draak were dueling family coasters, or like junior woodies, but I would say they both qualify as true and proper wooden coasters. Great fun! I took this photo. If Robb posts claiming credit, don't believe him. (And if you think this is an unflattering photo, just wait until we get to Lech Coaster in the next installment!) Efteling has a large fairy tale section, presumably lorded over by king stumpy here. I don't think "The Wolf and the Seven Young Goats" story ever made it over to America. Hey, it's the same board game from our hotel room! This rapids ride is called Piraña, which I haven't quite been able to reconcile with the ride's pre-Columbian cultures theme. Is it the fish? I believe "piran" is "pirate." Any Dutch speakers want to help me out here? There's a famous story about a Dutch child putting his finger in a dam that I suddenly no longer want to talk about. The Flying Dutchman was cool. A nice themed section and not too wet. This caption was not funny. But maybe it was informative...? The station may remind you of a certain famous Disney ride. Or maybe it won't. I don't know. I'm not you, am I? Look, it's like Pirates of the Caribbean, okay? Is that what you wanted me to say? Have you noticed yet that I rant when I'm trying to distract from sub-standard photo quality? No? Well then never mind. This guy may remind you of a certain famous Efteling animatronic. I don't even remember what's in here. Something minor, I think. This park is awesome. The Octopus is a quick service restaurant and play area with sort of a Rainforest Cafe vibe. It's also just a great idea. Bitterballen, which the internet describes as "bite-size beef and gravy croquettes" and I describe as the greatest fried food I've ever eaten. Goldberg enjoying throwing away his trash just a little too much. Prepare for rant. (In my defense, it was taken through a plexiglass window designed to protect me from burning coal.) I posted this photo on Instagram with the caption, "Do you like your job? - "Neigh!" and got a flurry of angry responses in Dutch from people who apparently thought I was some sort of animal rights activist. But as soon as I assured them that I actually hate horses and want them all to burn they stopped responding to me. Glad I finally won them over! I'm "Electerik" on Instagram if you want to see more photos of things on fire! Baron 1983 was fine. It's always weird when your first example of something (in this case, SheiKra) turns out to be the best of its type. [Copy/paste to appropriate photo in Part 4 of this report.] Cool coaster people! I mean, cool-ish. Well, they're coaster people. Efteling's version of Harry Potter robes. Also, Efteling's version of a talking tree. The Monosnail! It's not really called that, but it should be. Also, it's great. This building houses a steam-powered carousel, and, like almost everything is this park, is great. Same building. Model trains. I need a thesaurus to look up some other words for great. Sorry, I've just been informed that I am on the internet. Well, that's just considerably above the normal or average. Vogel Rok is like Space Mountain except it's better and I have no idea what's going on. We might be egg thieves...? Nice geese? Can geese be a suggestive euphemism for boobs? Smisty says no. Nice...um...boobs, I guess. Nailed it. Toverland's new entrance. Sorry for the lack of transition. We're at Toverland now. Surprise! The "front part" of the park is kind of a big water play area and seating areas surrounded by all your standard main street type things (guests services, lockers, etc.) It's cool idea, but it has a real water park feel that I didn't really dig, if I'm being honest. It probably works really well for them, and points for doing something different. Fenix was my first wingrider, so I wasn't sure what to expect. I really enjoyed it, though. The star attraction of their new Avalon section, which could almost be a cool little park unto itself. Someone's been to Island of Adventure. Wait, is there like a left-leaning Libertarian option or something? Political humor! Fenix and Merlin's Quest (the boat ride). This caption is neither funny nor informative, if I'm being honest. You knew which one was the boat ride. Merlin's Quest has a dark ride section, and now I am happy. Avalon is where King Arthur went when he died, and Toverland is where fat Americans go to die. (For clarity, I mean me, not the very nice people in the photo.) It's a restaurant. It probably has a name. Hey, I went to a lot of parks in very short succession, and I'm tired of looking stuff up, okay? These fools offered all-you-can-eat ribs with Americans in the park! Let's show them how we do! Moments before disaster. This spinning coaster (Dwervelwind, happy?) was quite good. Nice theming in the station, too. (If you know what I mean.) (I don't know what I mean.) Possibly my first coaster named after a classical city of antiquity. Troy! For me, all GCIs are measured against Thunderhead. This was less good. Still fun, though. Moments before disaster. The indoor/outdoor log flume. We skipped it, as it seemed to be having quite a few mechanical problems this day. (Why, this log just went down backwards!) A thousand ways to kill yourself at Toverland. Super crazy roller skater. I am decidedly not a credit whore, and I still rode it. Booster Bike. I always liked the look of this layout. Good ride. The weird restraints and seating position are actually just fine for me. I would like to try this with some sort of normal sit-down trains, though, just out of curiosity. Toverland's old entrance. We were tracking approaching bad weather all day, but we managed to get everything we wanted done and still get out before it hit. I liked Toverland. But more the outdoor sections. The theming of the indoor sections just sort of butts up again the warehouse look of the non-themed parts in a really weird way. But now I feel weird saying that. Moving on. Back to our next hotel a bit earlier than originally planned, Smisty and I decided to head out in search of food and oddventure! Well, not really "in search of." We knew exactly where we were going.... IKEA! In addition to the obvious meatballs and such, we just had to try some weird stuff that's not on the menu where we're from (like satay, for example). "Hardgaan" is Dutch for "this park has a shite layout because it used to be a Six Flags." The cover for our upcoming mixtape, "F#ck Slow, Hard Gaan." El Rio Grande (rapids), Xpress: Platform 13 (outdoor Rock N Roller Coaster), and Goliath (Intamin hypercoaster). Walibi Holland doesn't have a dark ride, but it does have a Vekoma Madhouse with a graffiti problem. So, they re-themed their car ride to "speed dating," but just in case that's not lame enough, they only themed the entrance. There is absolutely no mention, suggestion, or hint of speed dating, love, or anything even vaguely related anywhere else on the ride! This stand sells waffles. You can get them with white chocolate or cherry compote on them. Or, if you're me, you can use your smooth-talking ways to get both. I've seen people trespassed out of parks for less than this. This guy didn't even get a "sit down" spiel. Europe is different. Also, everything about this boat is designed to keep you from getting wet, and that waterfall wasn't going to do much more than drip on them. So I'm not sure what he's freaking out about. If you tore this down, it would be easier to get to Goliath. Also, this was Gearhart's 600th coaster. And I can't think of a more appropriate one. This was...messed up. This was probably the coaster I was most excited about going in to the trip. And I was not disappointed. (However, I ended up riding two coasters I liked even better later in the week. Foreshadowing!) I wish it were still green, though. I'm not sure who took this photo. It wasn't me. I'm just going to assume Robb. But, if you recognize it as yours, well, now you have an opportunity to post a reply! This log flume was ho-hum. EXCEPT, the double-down drop, which was great (considerable, substantial, pronounced) and which I now believe should be standard on all log flumes going forward. Walibi Holland had this one very Toverland thing, which was this self-operated rope-pull raft. Lost Gravity was so screwed up, in the best way. It also had probably the best example of "junk theming" I've ever seen. The idea is that gravity has gone crazy and things are just floating and sideways and weird. This ride was not on my radar at all, but was really funky and fun. The restraints weren't great for me, but they were okay-ish. I rode it two or three times before I needed to stop, but I have fond memories of it! It's just...it's so weird. Somebody's been to Islands of Adventure. People tell me this is the best Boomerang. So now I can say that I skipped the best Boomerang. Larry says this was great (significant, appreciable, serious). I guess we all just have to take his word for it. Walibi Holland's "main street" has a building in the middle of it. Or I guess you could say that part of their "main street" is covered. And has a coaster entrance in it. Xpress: Platform 13 has quite an elaborate queue. It's almost a walk-through attraction, starting as being themed to a normal train station and slowly becoming more sinister. Worth checking out even if you're not interested in an outdoor version of Rock N Roller Coaster. I would've been more excited to ride Robin Hood. I did ride Untamed once, since I was there. It was uncomfortable, but I lived, so yay. Do you want an anti-RMC rant? No? Okay, I'll ask again when we get to Kolmarden. These guys seem to have enjoyed it--especially Rector. It's like, instead of designing a proper roller coaster, they purposely designed it wrong, and then had to create a restraint system so restrictive that it "protects" you from experiencing the injuries this bad design would naturally cause. Okay, okay. Sorry. To be fair, this was the best RMC I've been on. Thanks, Walibi! Don't let my whining about Untamed get you down. Everybody else seemed into it. And I really liked Goliath and Lost Gravity! Join us again in some indeterminate amount of time for Part 3, which will mostly cover Poland!

I feel like there's nothing Larry can tell me about that he hasn't already.

Hello! Erik & Smisty here. You may remember us from such Trip Reports as Erik & Smisty's Vancouver Oddventure or Erik & Smisty at the Mall of America. We'd always wanted to go on a TPR trip, the timing just never seemed to be right. But now we have! We visited something like 10 parks in 10 days, covering The Netherlands, Poland, and Sweden. Since this was also our first trip to Europe, we spent a few days on our own both before and after the official trip. This first part will be covering our pre-trip wanderings around Amsterdam. But, not to worry, we've managed to sneak in a ride or two.... But before we get to the photos, more words! A few observations about Amsterdam: If you're at all worried about being lost or at a disadvantage because you don't speak the language, almost everyone in Amsterdam seems to speak English just about as well I do. Do be aware that it's very much UK English, though. So it's a lift, not an elevator. On a related note, I've never felt so much like a big old hunk of Ameritrash as when a citizen of a country I'm visiting apologizes to me for their poor English-language skills. Most signs are in English and Dutch, but if it is only in one language, that language is usually English. We were told that if you take a photo of a prostitute in Amsterdam, they will throw piss at you. Which is interesting because in America they charge for that. We didn't go to the Red Light District at all, except once by accident, where we saw a lady in lingerie hanging out in front of a window. I would've taken a photo, but, well, you know. In Amsterdam, "coffee shops" sell marijuana, "cafes" serve coffee, a "restaurant" is a type of fish, and "whore houses" are just places that play Burt Reynolds films. Crazy! The Dutch struck me as rather conservative in terms of dress and personal appearance, which is interesting considering how tolerant they are culturally. The city is beautiful, but there's a consistency to the look of the old town streets/canals that borders on sameness. A lot of the buildings are wonky. I mean, they're old and built on marshland. But, also, a lot of them were originally warehouses and built with front-facing facades that tapered out as they went up, so they could hoist things to the upper floors without cargo damaging the front of the building. If you look, you'll often see a steel beam sticking out from the front of the building near the top. The canals look cool, but don't seem to serve much of a purpose anymore, beyond transporting tour boats. There are no proper water taxis or citizens rowing over to their neighbor's house, that I saw, and no real industry (utilizing the canals) besides tourism. There were some houseboats, but they just sit there, so, really, those could just be land houseboats on land canals. There are a lot of bicycles in Amsterdam. No matter how many bicycles you are imagining based on that statement, there are more. As an American, we often think of ourselves as largely coming from England, culturally. But being in The Netherlands really reminded me of just how much my country was influenced by Dutch culture. Restaurant service is slow, especially towards the end, as full-service dining is apparently meant to be a leisurely activity, and you're supposed to feel at home and not like you're being rushed out. Not always ideal if you're on vacation and eager to get to the next thing. Holland is two regions of The Netherlands, and calling the country Holland is roughly akin to calling the UK "England," except that the Dutch don't really seem to mind. So I will mostly just say Holland because it's easier to type. Except, of course, when I don't. But within the context of these trip reports, forgive my ugly American-ness and just consider the two names to be interchangeable. What the Dutch call a staircase, Americans call a ladder. Okay, let's do this.... Part 1: Bicycles & Stroopwaffles - Page 1 Part 2: Coaster Trains & Bitterballen - Page 2 Part 3: Planes & Pierogi - Page 3 Part 4: Buses & Glassbombers - Page 5 Part 5: Ships & Meatballs - Page 6 Part 1: Bicycles & Stroopwaffles After 13 hours in the air, we took the train into the city-proper. THIS IS THE TRAIN STATION. Seriously? F-you, Amsterdam! Our hotel, the Sir Adam, part of the A'DAM Tower, beckons across the IJ River. But first we must cross the Intersection of Doom from the train station to the free ferry as pedestrians, bicycles and scooters zoom every which way in what was probably a well-coordinated dance until we blundered into the middle of it. The karaoke elevator. (Not pictured, but also in our hotel: the disco elevator.) Every room at the Sir Adam has a record player, and there are bins full of vinyl down in the lobby. Also, the view wasn't bad and whenever anyone asks me what my favorite thing on the trip was, my first thought is this hotel room but I try not to say it because that seems uncultured and bad. Atop the building is the A'DAM Lookout observation deck. The giant red horse represents, um, Holland...defeating...the horse tribes of Northern Europe...in the 1600's, I'm pretty sure. "Over the Edge" is a swing ride over the side of the tower. And while "Europe's highest swing" is quite nice, it's no Stratosphere. It costs 5 euros, but obviously I have no idea how much that is. Pictured here is our cousin Marcolio and his girlfriend Nefertiti. Also in the building, this high-end burger chain that a lot of trip participants seem to have checked out at one point or another. It was pretty good, too. This is what Amsterdam looks like. I'm going to try to post photos that look different from this, but those will largely be lies and trickery. This is Amsterdam. Bebo is the leading chain of faux-vending machine fast food places that have been all the rage in Holland since the invention of little doors. I imagine that one of the more stressful jobs in Amsterdam is driving instructor. If you don't think we went to the Amsterdam Cheese Museum, you've obviously never read one of our trip reports. It's really more of a cheese shop with some exhibits in the basement, but I honestly would've gone in if it were only a cheese shop, so it's a win in my book. Check out the Dutch stairs in the background. Good luck! Little known fact: Almost all of the cobblestones in Amsterdam were imported from Hell. Lunch with Marcorio and Nerfetti at De Carrousel. I had the ham, egg, and cheese pancake and strawberry nutella poffertjes. We skipped the Anne Frank House but this one's lighthearted name keeps it from being too depressing! On the other hand, it seems even more disrespectful than my comment that there is a road going through what is supposed to be a memorial to Holocaust victims. Based on our research ahead of time, we were going to skip the Rijksmuseum in the interest of not overmuseuming. But once we saw it in person, we had to go. I enjoyed this massive medieval mixed medium museum much, I must say. Rembrandts and the full museum experience. I don't know much about art, but I know what I like. If you're going to spend months carving a statue, I think you really owe it to yourself to ensure that it's picking its nose. We also went to the Van Gogh Museum, but since they clearly hate publicity and don't allow photography, and the Rijksmuseum has Van Goghs of their own, maybe just go here. One of these things is not like the others. Oooh, stroopwaffles.... Smisty, nooooooooooo! Approximately 15,000 bicycles are pulled out of Amsterdam's canals every year. That's actually not a joke. I did research. The Artis Amsterdam Royal Zoo opened in 1838, making it the world's fifth oldest zoo. The best part of this photo is that on the right hand side of it is a canal, and on the other side of that are multi-story apartment buildings. Which means that one could theoretically have an apartment in Amsterdam with a view of elephants, zebras, and giraffes. Which is honestly something I never even considered as a possibility but now is the only thing I can think about. Artis also has an aquarium in it, which I am for. And inside this aquarium, for some reason, is a black and white poster-sized photo of The Big One at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, which I nearly included a photo of here just so I could say there was a photo of a roller coaster in this section of the trip report. But, in the end, I decided I was above such trickery and besides you're reading it anyway. "Dude, I can totally see inside that apartment building!" I don't think I can poop here. This bird looks like it deserves to be in prison. I would have bought these guys, but there's no way I could handle that level of judgement. This is a monkey riding a cow. I'm not sure how consensual it is on the part of the cow. Maybe the cow is for it. Maybe they are in love. I don't know, and I'd prefer not to speculate. Micropia is a separately ticketed part of Artis dedicated to microscopic animals and bacteria. You are a disgusting ecosystem. Micropia isn't terribly large (which makes sense, I guess), but it is interesting. I wish I knew, kid. I wish I knew. On the right is the Hortus Botanicus botanical garden. We would've gone inside, but it was beginning to get hot in Amsterdam (foreshadowing!) and what we'd experience so far in the city suggested that a greenhouse here would likely not be equipped to keep us comfortable, temperature-wise. Oh, you don't want one of those, believe me. "Grillroom Donny" was a hole-in-the-wall, but it served amazing street food and the dude who ran it was awesome. The thing on the right is a waffle, by the way. It's just hard to tell. Soarin' Over Holland. Conveniently located next to A'DAM Tower and our hotel room. They create people here. Misty really liked that the preshow told you what parts of Holland you were going to fly over. This one also gets a bit dark, as at one point you run directly into one of the blades of those giant modern windmills, destroying it in a process that I can only assume would result in your immediate and spray-form demise. Oh, and pretty much every transition spritzes you, whether it makes any sense or not. So, yeah, awesome. Weird salad at the Eye Film Museum's restaurant. The Eye Film Museum and the IJ River at Sunset, circa almost 10:00pm. Stay tuned for part 2, featuring actual roller coasters!