Electerik

As a matter of fact....

Turns out the Congo River Golf location in Kissimmee has paddle boats. It really doesn't take much to talk us into playing mini golf. Okay, the flamingo boat is whatever. But just look at the cute little African Queen paddle boats! I'm not paying money to hold an alligator. But I would totally buy a shirt if they had them in my size. But they don't because I'm a.) fat, and b.) not a child. This location has two 18-hole courses. Both courses are very nice, but pretty much interchangeable. Several holes have these spinner things, in case you want to make the game wackier. And, like all Congo River Golfs, there's a scavenger hunt! I found the mask! Wait, I thought the X-Men were good guys.... [Fun with grammar!] Those three signs should allow you to triangulate the exact location of Congo River Golf, should you decide you'd like to play here some day. Man, Storm really effed-up that dude's ship. I was too lazy to walk up there, so I just took a picture. That was a joke, by the way. How's that spinner thing working out for ya, Smisty? This is the least goofy picture I could find of myself. Wait, he does? Okay, then we will, too! This photo was taken by the Congo River Golf employee who got us set up with the paddle boat. I don't know his name, so I've decided to call him Admiral Kirk, for no specific reason. HEART OF DARKNESS Well, that's not a good sign. About a quarter of the way into our journey, the steering gave out. ADMIRAL Kirk never bothered to check on our progress. It was only the fact of my genetically-engineered intellect that allowed us to survive. I could go on. Don't test me. Also worth mentioning is that the Admiral told us that the steering might go out, but didn't actually tell us what we should do if it did. But I shall have my revenge, I assure you. I'll chase him 'round the moons of Nibia and 'round the Antares Maelstrom and 'round Perdition's flames before I give him up! In other news, we are dead.

All part of the fun! I live for stuff like this.

About two and a half years ago (Really? Damn...!) Smisty and I visited Dinosaur World in Plant City, Florida. And we enjoyed it. Since then, however, Dinosaur World has undergone a major expansion. Which is all the excuse we needed to make a return visit. You don't have to read the original trip report first (back on page 9). In fact, it might even be better to read it after this one, since the new expansion is, basically, a whole new front-end for the park. Or read it in the middle. I'll tell you when. Oh hell, just do what you want. Yes, it's a bigger, fancier entrance! Hooray! Smisty is happy with the new gift shop/entrance. The price is now $14.95 for adults (up $2.00 from what it was before). Not bad, considering. New dinosaurs that aren't ridiculous colors! And what's this? An indoor thing? (Good, because it totally rained on us the whole time we were there.) Oh, I'll just bet. Actually, the museum is pretty cool. Big, too. It could use a few stand alone displays, just for verity. Instead, pretty much everything is in these wall cases. Megalodon reeth. (No, that's not a misspelling, but a hilarious in-joke that will make sense to you only later.) I'm just showing you stuff from the cool animals. Wait, they grew new what? (See? I told you!) These would be the realistic animatronic dinosaurs. Please do not show this photo to some small children. This does seem the most likely. And...the new restrooms are just as awesome as the old ones. Where to now, Smisty? I thought T-Rex was bigger. Oh, they're young ones? That's a good trick. The new Fossil Dig doesn't seem as good. But that's okay, because the old one is still in the back half of the park. Before you can go in, though, you need to read the rules. Got it? Cool. This path leads past a couple of new dinos and into the old entrance to what is now the back half of the park. To the right is the old entrance/gift shop, now closed off. My idea, free for the taking, Dinosaur World: Turn it into a restaurant so you have some kind of food offering. You're welcome. Now would be a good time to pause, go look at the original trip report, and then come back. You didn't do it, did you? Oh well, back to the new stuff. Lots of new playground stuff. Some dinosaurs evolved to have slides coming off of them, to throw off predators that leapt onto their backs. Hey...that needs to be cleaned. Excuse me, sir, which way back to the gift shop? Inside the gift shop (which is way bigger than the old one, by the way), you can find this stuffed alligator... ...patches for your jacket (does anyone still do that?)... ...and, um, Godzilla toys. Still, it's better than this. We liked Dinosaur World before, and now it's even better. It just feels a bit more...legit. But not that legit.

I love that they're expanding, and I think White Lightning looks great, but I hope they add some trees or something. If they want to break out of the whole Family Fun Center thing, then they need to start thinking about what their guests are doing between rides.

My mother suggested it might be, "Touch Real Spanish Silver." Seems as likely as anything. And my train-loving friend thanked me for not insulting the model railroad. So far, I have not been contacted by the St. Augustine Historical Society.

We're not dead. Just been working a bit more recently, and had to cut something out. No, not Oddventuring. Just, you know, posting those Oddventures. Still, I've carved a bit of time away today to tell you about a funky little tourist attraction in a funky little tourist town. There is absolutely no reason to go to this place, which is why we did. As usual, you're welcome. St. Augustine History Museum The museum is small, pointless, carefully hidden amongst other similar attractions, and free with pretty much any sort of combo ticket you can buy. It's also a great example of how little you can accomplish when trying to make something out of nothing. The History Museum starts and ends inside Gator Bob's Trading Post, for added authenticity. This was the first motorized vehicle to reach St. Augustine, and carried the very first coupons the area had ever seen. Or, it was just something they had lying around. WHO CAN SAY? Holy crap, a 1000 year old canoe?! I would literally pay a million dollars to see that. Actual time travel. Now how much would you pay? THE CANOE When the universe was forged in the crucible of the Big Bang, our mighty race was already 17 years old. It's a bit too blurry to make out the last word or two of the sign, and I honestly don't remember what it said, but I'm trying to convince myself that it was, "Touch a real Sabretooth!" It was definitely "Touch a real" something. Prostate? This is just some crap. A f**king horse, yo. Who's the punk now, Mr. Pirate? You're in a sh**ty museum! That's right, hold up that lantern, b**ch! Florida was not in the Civil War. The etymology of the word "cracker" in this usage is disputed. I have nothing bad to say about model trains. Visit the Old Jail, brought to you by Florida Crackers. This is, like, the the greatest collection of whatever-kind-of-machines-these-are anywhere. Gator Bob's, World's Bigist. (Misspelling of "bigotedest" theirs, not mine.) Oh, settle down, it's just a joke. The St. Augustine History Museum. They have a model train.

I think it looks great. It's very "Cedar Point." And while I could see people not thinking much of the name, considering where it's at (in every sense), I think it works well. Also, Cedar Point's main entrance is a bit understated as it stands. So this fixes that in a way that, again, just screams, "Cedar Point."

Great TR, so far. Looking forward to the rest!

He looks happy.

You know, the whole "world of bears/beer" joke occurred to me, but I couldn't quite make it work. Way to pull it off!

Eh, it was alright. I just enjoy being snarky. I've been to much worse.

Some James Bond movies were filmed there. Stevie Nicks wrote a song about it (I guess). It's in Florida. And we're Erik & Smisty. Silver Springs It's $31.99 for adults to get in. Which is a really good deal if you hate yourself. Hey, wanna feed a muck? This storefront promenade was nice. Reminded me a bit of Lake Winnie. It featured a pizza place, a gift shop, the main restrooms, and a museum of the park's history. "My favorite tree is J. Rawk!" But of course the main attraction at Silver Springs is their glass-bottom boats. It seems like a lot of trouble just to see glass. I mean, I have some in my house. But tourists are weird, you know? These statues were placed here by the James Bond film producers. I can't be arsed to figure out for which movie, which is amazing because I'm really into James Bond. But there you go. I think these prices are a secret code for something. I've stared at them for some time, and can make no sense of their randomness. Oh cool, a ride! Let's go! Er...maybe it'll open later in the day. Maybe it's just the theme park veteran-employee in me talking, but that seems like a trip hazard. There was some sort of concert going on that day. The Country Buskins, I think they were called. I didn't really stick around to hear. Cool, a bird show! Oh...wait.... Are you ready for ghetto Kilimanjaro? Animals. Yes, that's my caption. Shut up. The best seat is the one right behind the jeep's exhaust pipe. Also, our bears have psychic powers. Animals. This is, like, the saddest ride ever. Please do not sit in our employee's chair. Thank you. You know...if this is really such a big problem...maybe you should add some benches. Just saying. Sorry kids, our cool animal is broken. How about that nice donkey there? Why even have animals if you're just going to make fun of them? This place is shaped like Six Flags Over Georgia. In other words, a big sucky U. I just spent three minutes trying to come up with a rawk/rock pun, before finally realizing how incredibly stupid that was. "The Spirit of the Swamp" was always my favorite Scooby-Doo episode. Well, I guess alligators was predictable. These ladders were bad. One day there will be something cool here. We swear. Come back and see! 'Snake walls' always makes Smisty happy. "Maybe they won't see me." "Eh, it's a living." What's this...? Another boat ride! This is like the Moonraker of theme parks! Incidentally, Moonraker was one of the Bond films partially filmed here. But there were also some good ones, probably. Animals. This is our racist redneck boat captain. He'd just like you to know that Koreans don't mind if you make fun of Chinese people, so neither should you. Also, he likes to watch sports, kill animals, and his daughters will never date. It's possible that he steals all of his material from Jeff Foxworthy, but there's really no way for me to know. They say that this boat died of natural causes, but I've always suspected tree murder. Silver Springs: Bring your enemies!

^ Yay, a Junior Space Cadet! Just a quick note on a past update: Hula Dog (aka, Kona Dog) has apparently closed their physical location and become a food truck. gokonadog.com/

I used to work for a park that gave away beer for free. The only parks I have an issue with selling beer are the Disney parks.

No. But she did better than me, so I assume she's happy. Gonna have another go at making this Erik & Smisty & Bryan & Adam Holy Land thing happen. Keep your fingers crossed!

Interesting. I don't recall seeing them there (in truck form or otherwise). But then again, we only spent Sunday at The Festival of Chocolate. (Saturday, we were at the Pie Festival. )

On April 29, 2012, we visited the University of Central Florida. Now, normally, school isn't my thing. But, in this case, I made an exception.... The Festival of Chocolate Last year, the Festival of Chocolate was held at the Orlando Science Center. This year, it moved to the UCF Arena. Blah blah, history. Now we're talking! Cupcakes could be said to have been present. Face painting seemed interesting... ...but I figured I'd just rub chocolate all over myself instead. Sure, I'll try some crazy Japanese stuff. But I'm gonna pass on the "armpit fudge," thanks. Awesome! Um...who won first place? Wait, what? Oh...! Well, isn't that just precious.... This stuff tasted great as a sample on a pretzel. So we bought a bottle. Now, if only I cooked.... Either auto-correct just owned these guys, or those are some seriously messed up apples. This guy's name is Michael Anthony Cakes. So, really, it's no surprise that all of his stuff (that we tried) was amazing. Did you know that in most places you can acquire a liquid nitrogen tank for less than two bags of pot? Hey, who wants to dance about architecture?! Yes, they were cute--but they didn't even take the bones out! These were tasty. The brownie brittle, you pervs! "Maybe we should have brought some girls. Or, you know, like, chocolate." Live cake decorating! I'm just kidding. I didn't really care. Allegedly, all of those things are made from chocolate. Except the refrigerators. Actually, I don't really know that. They could be. The chocolate game show thing was entertaining. No, really, it was. I'm not being ironic, I swear. Misty shows off her chopstick skills. (At last, all that sushi eating pays off!) That almost seems cruel. Luckily, I hate children. Yay, adults only! (Too bad it's boring.) Chocolate fashion. There were lots of these, but this was the only one...unwrapable. Some people have mullets. Some people *own* mullets. Exit through the gift shop. We hoped you enjoyed the festival. Now, feel guilty about it!

Hey, guess what? We bought a new camera. And I know just the thing to test it out on! Hollywood Drive-In Golf Sure, other people have covered this already. But hey, it's us. By mini golf standards, this place ain't cheap. For Misty and I to play both courses set me back $50--and that was after a 10% Universal Orlando pass-holder discount. We decided to start with the sci-fi course: Invaders From Planet Putt. Both courses are cleverly wedged beneath and to either side of the (pre-existing) bridge that connects the parking garages with CityWalk. Ah, putting through an outhouse really takes me back to our old Pigeon Forge mini golfing days! This place can get quite crowded, from what I gather. But we went at 8:20am on a Sunday and pretty much had the place to ourselves. The courses themselves are quite nice, though the individual holes are a bit on the less-challenging side. I suspect this was on purpose, though--for the sake of capacity. A subtle reference to Dudley Do-Right's Ripsaw Falls? I choose to believe yes. No to get too far ahead of myself, but I do prefer the sci-fi course to the horror one. I guess I should tell some jokes. People like these things for the jokes, right? "Knock-knock." - "Who's there?" - "A giant robot with a golfball sucking arm!" Rather close to the road. The UFO is really cool, in that it has a door. (Hey, little things amuse me.) Not sure why they skipped the super nova thing. Hey, it's me! Yes, I was there! The best part of this photo is the E-stop on the left. The second course--or, um, first. Well, in any case, the other course--is The Haunting of Ghostly Greens. A standard idea, but well executed. Also, I'm currently ill. So, there's that. Smisty celebrates a hole-in-one. Haunty Python. There, that's a better joke than I would have made anyway. The best part of this photo is the people watching from the bridge. Anyway, so we got a new camera. It's a bit bulkier than what we're used to, but we like it. So, yeah, it's a good addition for Universal Orlando. I'm probably going to go to bed once I'm finished with this. This is a cool concept. Needs more Jack Nicholson, though. This does not appear to make sense. A subtle reference to Harry Potter? I choose to believe no. Big finish. The "Laballatory." It's 3:00pm. I'm delirious. Good night.

I did get a chance to stop by and check this place out before I fled California--but, unfortunately, it was so early in the morning that nothing was open yet. Still, it was pretty cool to see--especially for an old-school KBF fan. Thanks for the update!

Meh. To my untrained non-Disney-nerd eye, it doesn't really look any different. /No disrespect to Adam. //I'm sure Disney fanboys (and girls) will now explain to me how it's better than anything anyone else has done ever. ///Bah, humbug.

Maybe next year. /Zombie Jesus

There's just no getting around it: We're nerds. MegaCon 2012 Yes, we're off to the Orlando Convention Center for three days of dork debauchery and trying to figure out who the hell those Asian girls are supposed to be dressed up as! Before this sign was erected, the Convention Center got up to 10 calls per day asking about what that silver and blue thing was. Yes! Gymnastics! "Well, this sucks." That's a lot of nerds. "Welcome to MegaCon! Want to have nerd sex?" "With the Wonder Twins?" Well, that about sums things up out here. 2012 was definitely the year of Who. My point. These are just a few of the many Doctors and companions that were running around this year. This guy even built a TARDIS. I'm not sure if anyone was actually dressed up like one of these guys or not. (And yes, that half-joke *is* the nerdiest thing I have ever posted on TPR.) Quick, who's this?? (Hint: It's not from Doctor Who. But it is English.) As it happens, I collect insurance. (Read the sign again. Okay, cool.) In fact, I have an All State policy right here, mint-in-envelope. If you think you've seen a ghost, it's important to remember that no, you haven't. (And with that, I am now ripping off my own Twitter feed.) Ran into my friend, Sean. He's a cool guy. This photo is actually from last year, but after that display of homosexuality, I felt I owed you. (Unless you're gay, then I guess I still owe you.) I bet that'll seem like a really good idea a few years from now! (Also from last year, coincidentally enough.) This is Smisty's favorite artist, Echo Chernik. She mostly draws naked women eating desserts while surrounded by tentacles. In other news, I love Smisty. This on the other hand, is my favorite artist. He mostly draws naked Harry Potter characters and their wands. (And with that, my debt is settled.) I guess you can also meet celebrities and get their autographs. We're not really into it. After all, they're just actors. *These* are the real heroes. The people that spend all year making costumes... ...building Lego sets for Tyler... ...and doing whatever that is. This chick won the costume contest in my pants. She was so hot that even Robin wanted his picture with her. Even better, she wasn't a model or being paid to be there or anything. And she made the costume herself. If you can name every one of the things referenced in our swag...then you probably spent last weekend at MegaCon, too. Good for you! (Hey, did you get any more pictures of the Scarlet Witch?)

As Adam mentioned, it's at Seafire Inn. That is the nearest restaurant to the front entrance, but not near enough. Guests who are only attending the luau still go through the front gate. As near as I can tell, those guests are simply released back into the park with everyone else when the show is over, so...yeah.... I can't swear to that, though. Maybe there's more to it that I haven't observed.

We've been wanting to do SeaWorld Orlando's Makahiki Luau for a couple of years. And now we have. The price? $46 per adult. We don't have children. Good luck with that. But, hey, there's free alcohol. It's sort of a Polynesian blend, rather than being specifically Hawaiian. I'm just happy to be leied. Oh, come on--like you *wouldn't* have made a "leied" joke. Salads are already on the table. I always expect dinner shows to be more...cohesive. That is to say, I want there to be a connection between the food and the show. But there never is. Like, the performers should kill a pig on stage and then bring it to your table. Something like that. Instead, it's always just, you eat standard food and then watch a show. While I'm complaining...how about some--oh, I don't know--pineapple, maybe? The show was cool, though. And, if anything, almost too long. Again, it was definitely a mix of different cultures--which, from an educational perspective, was both good and bad. Dessert! And fire! All is forgiven! They surrounded the stage with a mesh curtain before he started doing the really crazy stuff. "Yeah, I'm awesome. I know it." This is how far behind I am on updates. (Actually, it's even worse than that.) So, would I recommend it? I'm not sure. So there you go. I'm no help at all. Ta-da!