Manny In England Posted June 27, 2009 Posted June 27, 2009 Today, my husband passed a massive kidney stone. He is so proud of it that he wants to decorate our home with it. It is now sitting on my kitchen counter next to my produce. FML Today, at lifeguard class, I played a victim while my peers strapped me to the backboard in the water. When I was strapped down, I got wood in a wet swimsuit. My hands were strapped down so I could do nothing to hide it. FML
Mr. Starr Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Does anyone else find the MLIA's to be way more funnier the the FML's? Today, I farted in line at Starbucks. There was a homeless man in line as well and once the smell wafted people started to give him dirty looks. I gave him one too. MLIA. Today, a friend asked me about the red mark I have on my neck. It's from my violin, but I answered, "I had a good weekend." MLIA Today, my friendly neighbor came outside while I was swimming in my pool. I hid underwater until he went back in his house so I didn't have to talk to him. MLIA Oh, and this one too, Today, I was playing Roller Coaster Tycoon and named one of my roller coasters Your Mom so that all the guests were commenting that “Your Mom was great!” or “Your Mom was a really good value!”. I laughed. MLIA.
Cyber.Fiber Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Today, my severly obese boss was staring at my boobs. But it was okay, because I was staring at his as well. MLIA. Today, my friends and I were listening to the radio when a popular rap song came on. Everyone knew the words, except me. I then went home and looked up the lyrics online, so that next time, I'd be ready. MLIA. Today, I farted and the lights flickered at the same time. There was probably no connection between the two incidents. MLIA Lmfao!
paulie123 Posted June 28, 2009 Posted June 28, 2009 Today, I was at the mall and I saw a map that pointed out, "you are here". I looked around and I was indeed there. MLIA
chmilo24 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I find MLIA to be not as funny as FML. Today my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML Today, I made plans to see a 7:00 movie with my best friend. She's always late, so I told her it started at 6:30. She got there at 6:50. We got to see the whole movie. MLIA.
DiSab Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 I think they're both hilarious sites. My favorite FML ever was something like this: Today I went for a ride with my dad on him motorcycle. A few minutes into the ride, the vibrations were to intense, and I couldn't control myself anymore - I had the most intense orgasm of my life. Right behind my dad. With my arms around his waist. FML And yes, it was a female who put that on there.
Jds03 Posted July 4, 2009 Posted July 4, 2009 Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML
andyuk200523 Posted July 5, 2009 Posted July 5, 2009 I find MLIA to be not as funny as FML. Today, I made plans to see a 7:00 movie with my best friend. She's always late, so I told her it started at 6:30. She got there at 6:50. We got to see the whole movie. MLIA. Standard stuff, am always telling my wife I want to leave half an hour before I actually want to leave, that way, she has to be nice to me for the whole day cause she made us late and I am happy knowing I'm not late mwahahaha seriously, I don't do this every day! The MLIA is funnier if when reading it in your head, you read My Life is AWESOME at the end instead of Average, you can imagine them being really boring and telling you this awesome story, makes the whole thing funnier somehow! Today, in the shower there was a hair on the wall. I didn't want to touch it so I got puddles of water and threw it at it in hope it would fall. It didn't. I then aimed the shower head at it. I fell. MLIA Today, I used my '2 can dine' coupon at burger king. I got two combos for the price of one and the lady forgot to take my coupon. I'm going again tomorrow. MLIA
fisher1095 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Today, my dad told me he knew exactly where to poke me in the stomach to make me have instant diarrhea. I joked and said I didn't believe him. I am now stuck cleaning shit out of my favorite jeans. FML Today, I sent out my monthly curriculum list to the parents of the kids in my math class so they can see what their children will be learning. I usually end my e-mails with the phrase 'math is power'. Now, 154 parents got an e-mail saying 'meth is power'. FML
chmilo24 Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 I find MLIA to be not as funny as FML. Today, I made plans to see a 7:00 movie with my best friend. She's always late, so I told her it started at 6:30. She got there at 6:50. We got to see the whole movie. MLIA. Standard stuff, am always telling my wife I want to leave half an hour before I actually want to leave, that way, she has to be nice to me for the whole day cause she made us late and I am happy knowing I'm not late mwahahaha seriously, I don't do this every day! The MLIA is funnier if when reading it in your head, you read My Life is AWESOME at the end instead of Average, you can imagine them being really boring and telling you this awesome story, makes the whole thing funnier somehow! Today, in the shower there was a hair on the wall. I didn't want to touch it so I got puddles of water and threw it at it in hope it would fall. It didn't. I then aimed the shower head at it. I fell. MLIA Today, I used my '2 can dine' coupon at burger king. I got two combos for the price of one and the lady forgot to take my coupon. I'm going again tomorrow. MLIA Yeah I guess I don't read them right because when I read them its just boring. Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML
SuperShawn Posted July 6, 2009 Posted July 6, 2009 Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML
Sir Clinksalot Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML Uhm, wouldn't that be a MLIG??? I thought this was a good one: Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML
Thelegendarymatthew Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Today, my 14 year old sister deleted my entire iTunes library, which had every song by The Doors, The Beatles, The Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones, because she thought my music was "weird." She replaced it with Britney Spears, Panic at the Disco and the Jonas Brothers. FML I had something similar done to me, where my sister put HSM soundtracks on my ipod because "I need to listen to the good stuff" Anyways
paintballer Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Today, my 14 year old sister deleted my entire iTunes library, which had every song by The Doors, The Beatles, The Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones, because she thought my music was "weird." She replaced it with Britney Spears, Panic at the Disco and the Jonas Brothers. FML I had something similar done to me, where my sister put HSM soundtracks on my ipod because "I need to listen to the good stuff" Anyways Slap her. Right now. Tell her to listen to real music.
chmilo24 Posted July 9, 2009 Posted July 9, 2009 Today, my 14 year old sister deleted my entire iTunes library, which had every song by The Doors, The Beatles, The Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones, because she thought my music was "weird." She replaced it with Britney Spears, Panic at the Disco and the Jonas Brothers. FML I had something similar done to me, where my sister put HSM soundtracks on my ipod because "I need to listen to the good stuff" Anyways Slap her. Right now. Tell her to listen to real music. I agree. Does anyone her look at mylifeisg.com?
DiSab Posted July 10, 2009 Posted July 10, 2009 Slap her. Right now. Tell her to listen to real music. +1 One of my new favorites is TextsFromLastNight.com. Basically a collection of texts that people send out tat probably shouldn't have been sent out. Hilarious stuff.
RCFreak Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML AHAHAHAHA Now this is how you start a great marriage!
chmilo24 Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 From TFLN: i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ebl Posted July 11, 2009 Posted July 11, 2009 Two real life ones for me: I went to Jack in the Box and got a senior discount without asking. I'm not quite 50. FML. A free sample of tampons came in the mail from Playtex, addressed to me. I'm a guy. FML. Eric
Huge_Wonderland_Fan Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him 20$. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
astroworldfan1 Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 Two real life ones for me: A free sample of tampons came in the mail from Playtex, addressed to me. I'm a guy. FML.[/i] Eric Just like how I get a subscription to Girl's Life Magazine. I didn't even subscribe for it! It comes addressed: Miss Tatum G. FML. Although, it is pretty interesting to know what goes on in a girl's head. -Tatum
Myself Posted July 12, 2009 Posted July 12, 2009 I once got a coupon addressed to me for Just For Men...a certain type made specifically for gray hair.
chmilo24 Posted July 13, 2009 Posted July 13, 2009 Today, while riding on the car with my family, I put on my headphones and pretended to be listening to music and when my parents talked to me, I pretended I couldn't hear them. They took this opportunity to discuss how fat I was and how I can't hold down a boyfriend. They were laughing as well. FML
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