nagro5 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 www.fmylife.com is a weird and wonderful addition to the web. It’s a collection of everyday anecdotes and stories likely to happen to anyone and everyone. It is a space where you can let it all out and unwind by sharing the little things that screw with your day, and maybe realize that you are not alone in experiencing day to day crap. In a few sentences, users can tell everyone the moment which ruined their day. These short stories must begin with "Today" and end with "FML". www.fmylife.com aims to be funny for everyone involved, as well as a way to share your misfortunes with other unlucky individuals, bearing in mind that self deprecation and a sense of irony are essential! I want to know what your FML is! In this thread you can post your favorite FMLs from the website as well as some FMLs that happen in your life. Remember to have fun with it and keep it somewhat clean. Be sure to check out the website because I'm sure a lot of you guys will enjoy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chmilo24 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Haha I have been posting FMLs in the say something random thread for a while lol Greatest one ever: Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML --Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chemical_echo Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 When I first heard about the site I went through and read them all (there's an FML right there), I've fallen behind quite a bit now and don't feel like catching up. My favorite was: Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjeerr Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Today, I ran out of shampoo. But I'm leaving on a trip anyway. MLIA Today I was the first one done with my exam. I sat at my desk and waited until someone else turned it in first. MLIA. Today, I started an essay that is due tomorrow. To make it seem as though I hadn't procrastinated, I wrote a date from last week on the header. MLIA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paintballer Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 FML's for abunch of whiny teenagers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiSab Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 ^Probably, but it's hilarious to read them. Especially some of the comments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astroworldfan1 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyber.Fiber Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 ^LMFAO x 1,000,000,000,000 Here are some of my favorites: Today, I noticed I have to lift up my fat to see my penis. FML Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML Today, after being diagnosed with cat allergies, I explained to my cat-loving boyfriend that the doctor strongly recommended not allowing the cat in the bedroom. At 1:30 am my boyfriend got out of the bed to go sleep in the spare room because: "the cat is sad." FML Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death" (my dildo). FML Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeemerBoy Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 <----wonders if STFUandgetoverit.com is taken? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chmilo24 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML Today, my teenage stepdaughters, as a punishment for refusing to buy them iphones, told my wife they saw me in town kissing an attractive blonde and grabbing her ass (all invented). She believed it and i'm single. I've been faithful and feeding the whole family for 10 years. FML Today, I told my mom about my night terrors in which I am laying in a ditch with people shooting at me, and I have no ammunition to defend myself. She told me I should stop being such a whiny bitch, and to grow up and be a man. I am 20 and got back from Iraq 10 months ago. FML Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML Today, my first girlfriend of over 3 years left me for another guy. She said she's looking for someone who can financially provide for her in the future. The dude owns a T-Mobile kiosk. I'm going to medical school. FML Today, I bit my boyfriend's neck. I felt something squirt into my mouth. Turns out I had just popped a pimple on his neck. Into my mouth. FML --Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcjaco Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 <----wonders if STFUandgetoverit.com is taken? This must be started. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KPfreak519 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML I posted this one last week on their website. This one actually happened to me lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ethans_dad06 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 HAHA I downloaded this app in my iphone and love reading it! Makes my bad days so much better! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carnage Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML I posted this one last week on their website. This one actually happened to me lol Isn't it F*ck MY life, not F*ck YOUR life?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astroworldfan1 Posted June 12, 2009 Share Posted June 12, 2009 Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chmilo24 Posted June 13, 2009 Share Posted June 13, 2009 ^Haha teachers say the darndest things lol --Chris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ash.1111 Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 Here's a good one: Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zenbot Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Today, I was using a public bathroom when a woman backs in, pulls down her pants, and sits on my lap. Needless to say she didn't even notice I was there until I hyperventilated. FML I lol'd >_> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
netdvn Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML I posted this one last week on their website. This one actually happened to me lol Today, I asked some kid walking into a Starbucks for some change, but he says he doesn't have any. I'm an old homeless guy who hasn't had anything to eat for a long time. When he walks out, he's carrying a straberry Frappuccino in his hand. I'm really hungry and really pissed FML. Today, while I was at my girlfriend's parents' house for dinner, and I thought no one was looking, I picked my nose and put it underneath my chair. Turns out she has a little brother who found it appropriate to point at me and scream, "Booger monster, Booger monster!" FML Today, it was my high school graduation. Because our school colors were red, black and white, and our principal looked somewhat like Hitler, the senior class prank was to salute him when he finished his speech. I was the only one. FML I know exactly how this kid feels... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jds03 Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 I was reading the book collection of them in Borders yesterday. There were some pretty funny ones. On of the worst went something like this: Today I broke up with my boyfriend. We were arguing and he handed me a quarter and said “Call someone who cares”. I threw the quarter at his face and ran away. As I was getting on the bus to get home I was putting in the fair and realized I was a quarter short of the total. I walked home in the rain. FML Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyber.Fiber Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 "Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML" LMFAO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
astroworldfan1 Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 ^ That's the best one I've ever read! -Tatum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tatertot3710 Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Today, my mom put bubble wrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML. There are a lot similar to this, but for some reason, this made me laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoastersNSich Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused caling me Jill & her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML That, or you could be a female member of Cincinnati City Council. Leslie Ghiz (pronounced like "ghost") is accidentially called "Les Jizz" by well-known local radio host Bill Cunningham fairly often. Ghiz calls into Willie's show frequently. A couple years ago when running for Council, in her TV ads, she said "Vote for me November (XXth), and remember, my last name is Ghiz" (not JIZZ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
netdvn Posted June 27, 2009 Share Posted June 27, 2009 Today, my mom put bubble wrap on my desk because she thought I would have fun with it. I'm 18. It was awesome. FML. There are a lot similar to this, but for some reason, this made me laugh. Maybe because those aren't really FMLs. They're more along the lines of an MLIA (My Life is Average) or MLIG (My Life is Great) Not really FMLs but these are great... I'm babysitting a child. We played with blocks. She's in bed now, and I'm still playing with the blocks. I'm building a house. MLIA. Today me and my dad were driving while it was raining out. I watched two rain drops move towards the end of the windshield racing them. The one on the left won. MLIA Today, my GPS told me to turn left. I went straight instead. The voice on the GPS remained cool and collected. MLIA Today, I was eating cereal that tasted funny, so I was worried it might be expired. I found that it doesn't expire until April 10, 2010. It tasted fine after I made that discovery. MLIA. Today, to make my essay look longer, I changed my font to size 13. My teacher didn't notice. MLIA http://mylifeisaverage.com/index.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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