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FML - F*ck My Life


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Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him 20$. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML


This one is the best EVER!!!

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Nothing too bad, but a true one.


Shortly after my birthday my room mates and I moved out of our old apartment to avoid one of the other room mates. He had started stealing stuff from one of our room mates and apparently was peeing on people's bathmats for no reason. My girlfriend decided to buy me two TPR DVD's and didn't know that I had moved, and now my old room mate "claims" to never have seen them so nobody knows where they are. FML.

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Today I went into this thread to be amused and instead had to read about someone waiting for park brochures and maps to arrive. FML



Today, while we were eating dinner, my 11 year old brother asked me what masturbation was. I looked at my dad, shocked, and he said "Well aren't you going to answer?". I had to explain what masturbation was in front of my whole family. At the dinner table. FML
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Something TPR-related:


Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML
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I had my first hospital experience last week, I was there for three days. Today I went for blood work at a clinic; the hospital said I could walk-in, no appointment was needed. The nurse at the clinic said not only is it appointment-only but they couldn't do it because they didn't have "orders" from the doctor (she proceeded to get cocky with me; I'm lucky my mom was there to calm me down cause I was ready to go off on her).


Then I went to my regular doctor; she sent me to some sort of lab. My arm at this point...from taking so much blood @ the hospital...was bruised; I had to have this guy with missing front teeth and bad breath jam a needle into my almost-blue arm until he was finally able to find a vein.


To top it off, I had to go back home because I forgot my insurance card.


F M L.

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Today, I was at my job as a flight attendant. A passenger on my plane stopped breathing and turned blue. As I cleared his airways and was busy strapping an oxygen mask to his face, the passenger behind him tried to hand me her trash. Apparently I'm a walking trash can, no matter what I'm doing. FML




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  • 2 weeks later...

LOL hey I found a new one for today thats "theme park related".


"Today, I went to Knott's Berry Farm with my girlfriend. After we got off of Supreme Scream, the ride attendant asked her, "How was it?" She pointed to me and said, "It's like sex with this man, my boyfriend; intense, then disappointing because it only lasts like 30 seconds." FML"

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