A serious post about bullies!?

[Homer]

I never thought this day would ever come back, let this be a lesson to anybody, you can't run away from your past. Before my story begins, heres some info, I'm a junior in high school now (Grade 11) and have had a rough social life. Long post ahead...

 

So, this story started all the way back in 4th grade. I met this kid (lets just say his name is Chaz) and we became good friends. We hung out at each other's houses, went places, etc. Everything you would do with a friend. We were both in the same classes until 6th grade, when we entered middle school and were assigned on different "teams".

 

So, I didn't see him as often at that time and I didn't mind. So one day, during 6th grade, I simply said "Hey Chaz" to him in the hallway. I expected a "Hey Carl" back, instead he goes, "Who the f*** are you?" I passed on and I myself went "WTF?"

 

So, after a weekend, I decided to say "Hey" to him in the halls. Again, he went "Who the f*** are you?" Clearly, I was pissed and so I smacked him in the head. Of course, I got in trouble. These fights would continue until around 8th grade or so. Clearly, I was the one who was doing something wrong. These fights would end up getting me a new rep in middle school... "Crazy Carl"...

 

So, I realised and gave up at the end of 7th grade. By this time, he started hanging around the wrong crowd. Chaz got into drugs and drinking, last I heard he was doing Coke now and was caught with Vodka on campus last year. In 10th grade, he was on one of my classes, but we were both neutral and avoided each other.

 

But then this year, I had his little brother (lets just say his name is Zach). Zach was also neutral with me and seemed a bit friendly toward me. I decided not to really trust him, knowing that he was sleeping a few feet away from the biggest druggie and enemy I know. So, the other day, I was a bit skeptical about Zach, he seemed eccentric. It looked like he really wanted to talk about something, but he was holding it back.

 

So, during class, he was talking about me behind my back and telling the story of "Crazy Carl". I overheard and just before it got "juicy" I went "Zach is a liar!" extremely loud. So, since then, I have been paranoid as hell and depressed.

 

Then this one other question has been bothering me for quite some time. When do I stand up for myself? So, if you haven't heard about somebody spreading crap, now theres more than one bully. Alongside "Zach" there's now "Jack" as well. "Jack" is your typical dumbass that always raves on about how his "old skool Trans-Am" is the greatest car ever and what parts he is going to add to it. Chances are, he would marry that Trans-Am more than the hottest chick on Earth.

 

Now, just today, my friends and I were talking. Of course we hate "Jack", but one of my friends seriously wants to dump paint-thinner all over his Trans-Am. As much as I would like to see "Jack" bawling in tears, I didn't want to get involved in something criminal. So then its back to the age old question of standing up for myself.

 

I know for my entire life that I have been a pushover wallflower type, the type of person that would make a bully's day. I have stood up before, but at wrong times and became my middle school rep of "Crazy Carl". I seriously want to fight, but I don't want to face criminal charges (especially in today's Post-Columbine/911 world). So, how should I stand up for myself? I really want it to stop, but I don't want to be a tattletale narc and rely on counselors again (which I also did back in middle school).

 

Today I am sick and on purpose just to stay away from these nuts...

And now, just a few moments ago, he found out my telephone number by going through the teachers' book and actually CALLING MY HOUSE. Thank god my sore throat made my voice seem a bit raspy. So, he was going to tell my parents crap like I have gotten in trouble. I then insulted him and hung up. Now, I'm scared sh*tless...

 

Help?

[Wes]

Wait a year. High school drama is so monumentally insignificant.

[the_rock401]

By this time next year, all that crap (I'd say something else but there are small children on these forums) ain't gonna mean a hill of beans.

 

That said, cliques are notoriously hard to dissolve. My high school class was the most oboxiously cliquey group you ever ran into. I got along with everyone, but I never was on the inside track with anyone. However, things like cliques don't mean very much when you start burying classmates.

 

I don't know what your plans are for after high school, but if your plans include going to a four-year university, by all means live in on-campus housing your freshman year. Preferrably with other freshmen. Having lived and worked as an RA at a large, BCS-conference, state university for several years, living on-campus is the best possible thing that can happen. You will meet so many people who are in the exact same boat as you are, and those friendships are going to last a lot longer than some stupid high school clique will even dream of being around.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Paul

[DATman]

Some people from my middle school have my phone number, and they call me at 11 at night. Of course, my room has no signal, and they use *49 (or whatever it is) so I can't call them back. They always call at the wrong times (like when I'm doing something important, or sleeping), and it really pisses me off, cause then they clutter up my voice mail box. It is the stupidest thing ever, and it really pisses me off.

[speedracer]

Yeah, people talking crap about you is really not a major issue in the big scheme of things. If everyone ran around picking fights simply over what someone else said about them, we'd all be spending all our time beating the crap outta each other.

 

As far as sticking up for yourself goes, you just have to learn to choose your battles wisely. Sounds like you haven't, fighting over anything and everything will earn you that nickname you have. Personally, I could give a crap what anyone says or thinks about me. I'm a great guy, if they don't like me, they're the ones with the f'ing problem. And 9 times out of ten, no one else cares what losers like them say or think anyways, so you're really just getting yourself bent outta shape for nothing. Bullies feed off of getting a reaction from their actions, guarantee if you just pay them no mind and treat them like they don't even exist, not even acknowledge them, they'll loose interest and move onto someone else who'll provide them with the reaction they're looking for.

 

I'd also report either just that kid or the teacher as well about personal confidential information being left out in the open available to anyone. Confidential information such as phone numbers should not be accessible to anyone except for school officials or others that require this information for their jobs. There are some serious ramifications that could be brought up against that school for simply allowing this to happen. I know that at my job, if I allowed confidential information to be left out accessable to anyone, I would probably be fired. So I highly suggest someone be notified about this situation before it escalates even further.

[BeemerBoy]

Carl, I noticed you live in Florida. It wouldn't happen to be Orange County, Fl would it? Sorry, bro....just messin' with ya. Seriously though, here's my advice to you. Learn to be the bigger man in this situation. Simply suck it up and turn your back to losers like these guys. you seem to be a pretty good and logical kid. Don't stoop to their level....it's just not worth it.

 

Don't worry about losing "street cred" or whatever you wanna call it by not fighting or standing up for yourself. God gave you a brain, and that will always be stronger than the fists of these morons you despise. And as for the phone calls thing...don't sweat it. Actually, if you really wanna mess with 'em, just "kill 'em with kindness." Sure, it sounds hokey, but there's really no better way to get under an enemy's skin than to treat 'em like nothing's wrong, and you're a friend. Trust me, it'll drive 'em nuts, and you'll look good in the process.

 

Good luck, and hang in there.

[Jew]

Light your teacher on fire, blame him, and then hope he never gets out of jail.

[CoasterExpert13]

Hey Carl,

 

---I understand what you are going through somewhat. I was bullied from middle school to 9th grade because I was such a skinny kid. I never gave them the satisfaction by retaliating in any way, but don't think that doing so will always do the trick. One day in 9th grade, as usual, these retards were calling me names and throwing things at me while me and the rest of the class were in a intense game of Dodge ball. One of the guys threw a rubber hockey puck at my head...I was bleeding a little. Well I broke 2 of the 4 dudes noses (I don't Recommended it, but it worked for me) I didn't want to, but I couldn't take it much longer..after that they left me alone in10th, 11th, and 12th grade. Be better than that, now-a-days people are using guns more and more fequently, so just shrug a shoulder and continue with your life. Should the problem continue, get your parents involved, and or stay around your friends....bullies usually tend to pick on a person when they are alone.

[SLUSHIE]

I really don't have much to tell you since you probably don't want your parents invloved.

 

I guess I was pretty lucky to go to the school I went to. Everyone pretty much got along with eachother. I had friends of all kinds in high school; Asain car people, muscle car people, people who never came to school because they were stuck in bed from withdrawls, computer nerds, ravers and so on. The area I live in is kinda upper middle class (except for me and my closest friends), so the fact that everyone came from the same types of families helped.

[man]

WOW thats bad. Even worse than mine I had someone call me something a nazis would call the jews and also write "F the jews" on the wall all against me anyways I wouldnt let them dump paint thinner. If its something that bad I would stop it. Telling isnt that bad you do it in emergencies really otherwise just tell the others to shut the hell up or just ignore it.

 

edit: also remember this from malcom "the question is are you more afraid of your parents or is he more afraid of his"

[QuakerOaties]

My advice? Try to ignore it and put all of your effort into school work so when it comes time to apply to colleges you have plenty of options.

 

Mark "High school drama is horrible, but you're almost at the end" Luskus

[Swimace]

I've never had any drama of this sort in High School. It sounds like your problem is that you can't gracefully defend yourself. You need to learn how to just shut someone down, not make a scene. The way you handled the thing in class sounds kinda childish, if you can't say anything else then just ignore them.

 

If I don't particularly care for someone than I just don't talk to them, but that doesn't mean that I have to be rude about it. Also, just because someone uses drugs and alchohol doesn't make them a bad person, they just make poor choices. I've never done drugs in my life, and that's my personal decision.

 

I'm in my senior year of High School and I've had a great time with tons of friends. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but it seems like you should have outgrown this kind of thing by now. There's always two sides to a story, nobody is ever absolutely right. If you see them as scum then they probably realize that and think you're arrogant and obnoxious. I'm not saying that you are, but people judge you on your actions, not on your intentions.

[pkdcoaster]

yea ignore all that crap...trust me if you "retaliate" it is going to get worse and possibly out of hand. Just wait a year and you will see the amazing glory of leaving high school and never seeing 99% of the people from your school ever again....its great

 

JEFF

[BiCoastal Kid]

Can I suggest that you joke about the "Crazy Carl" thing? I mean, it sounds, kind of, as if you've moved past that nick names persona. I would actually take pride in being called "Crazy Carl" because honestly, if you think about it, it is kinda funny.

 

I'm jealous. I never got any cool nick names when i was in middle school.

[DerekRx]

Yeah, as everyone said, just ignore it and be the bigger man. Play it off like your nickname doesn't bother you. Stick to applying yourself in your classes, and when you go off to college and have a successful career, you'll end up with the last laugh. Especially when you see all the "cool kids" still with their 1983 Trans Ams with original paint job while you're driving around in a Porshe passing the druggies who are now picking up litter on the side of the highway in a work detail for the county prison.

[mcjaco]

Derek pretty much summed it up. All the "cool" kids will amount to nothing in the long run. This is their "best time of their lives" which is pretty pathetic. You've got little more than a year and, it will all be over. I don't even keep in touch with any of my friends from high school and, I'm betting that's the case with a lot of people. Too many hormones and insecurities during that time of life.....glad it's over.

[Swimace]

All the "cool" kids will amount to nothing in the long run. This is their "best time of their lives" which is pretty pathetic.

 

Wow, someone is a little condescending. I couldn't ask for more friends in high school, does that mean I'll amount to nothing?

 

So many people overlook the fact that there are different ways to view a situation. I make the most of what I have- I make all A's and B's in AP classes, I'm friends with pretty much everyone in my grade, I have an athletic scholarship to a Division I school. Please try to tell me that because I'm popular that I won't be something in life. It is possible to do both.

 

Many times people in this situation sit back and convince themselves that if someone has a ton of friends that they're automatically shallow. If someone does drugs, then you're automatically holy. Some of the most intelligent people I know are druggies who dropped out because theyt don't care. Does it make them a bad person? No, it just means that they make poor decisions. Does that make you better than them? No, because the goodness of a person cannot be measured. I could argue that I've never met a druggie as pretentious or judgemental as many people who have made an "anti-popular" statement in this thread. Although I hope anybody who makes such a statement realizes that they only help to polarize clicks by making such distinctions

 

I touched on this earlier, but I'm going to say it again. Make sure you look at yourself through other people's eyes. If you see someone as just a pathetic popular kid, then what do they see you as. If I had to label mcjaco based on his above quote, I'd label him as someone who sits in the back of the class passing judgement on people he never took the time to get to know. Should we be shocked you don't talk to people from your high school? Of course putting a label on someone is the fault of many high schoolers, and I don't like clicks and social groups and I don't associate with them.

 

If you pull up at your high school reunion with more money than some of your high school enemies and think that you're automatically better than them now, then that's just a tribute to smugness. Don't forget that you still have an enemy, and the only way to truly be a bigger person is to do your best to overcome that, not accumulate more material wealth that the other person. That is, unless you believe that wealth and financial success are accurate measures of self worth.

 

I understand that is impossible to befriend everybody, but it is possible to gracefully deter someone from conflict.

 

 

....sorry about the really long post, but that's just how I look at some of these responses.

[niiicolaaah]

I don't even keep in touch with any of my friends from high school and, I'm betting that's the case with a lot of people.

 

I graduated high school in 2001. I talk to exactly one person I knew in high school. And that's like one IM every couple weeks.

[mcjaco]

Let me clarify Swimace, since you're reading way to into what I posted.

 

I had lots of friends in high school as you seem to as well. I certainly wasn't "popular" and, trust me, I was not considered cool (mullets be damned!). High school was a great time but, it wasn't my end all of existence. I had friends in all sorts of cliques. Remember the high school where the girls beat the crap out each other during a powder puff game? That's where I went, of course much earlier than that occurence. If you want to talk about pretentious, I give you Glenbrook North. I made much longer stronger friendships in college and, now in my career. Like Nicole, I speak to one friend from high school on a fairly regular basis and that's pretty much it.

 

It's difficult to explain but, there's much more life after high school so, don't get hung up on the drama. Trust us, you'll have bigger things to worry about.

[Swimace]

I'm sorry if I read into your post the wrong way, but yours was really what just set that rant off. It's more of a reaction to the general response of the original post. A better example might be Derek's post about driving along in a fancy car past "cool kids" with beat up cars and druggies on work detail. That just seems really shallow and materialistic to me. If a Porsche gives you "the last laugh", then go for it.

 

I understand that I'll make great friends as life goes on, but I may never be in an environment as diverse as High School. Through college and a professional life you'll be surrounded by more people who are like yourself, of course it will be easier to get along.

[mcjaco]

^ I've PM'ed you, as this is strayying from the original poster's questions.

 

In any case, not all high schools and colleges are diverse. I think you may find that your professional career, when you reach it, you won't be working with people like yourself. It makes things interesting....to say the least!

[the sound]

Ignoring it won't work. You should tell someone.