Photo TR: Natatomic does the West Coast Trip

[cfc]

Great work, as usual, Natalie. Be sure to post as many embarrassing pictures of the ex-beau as possible (finger up his nose or in his shorts, etc.) for an online catharsis.

 

Great America makes me sad, as I remember when it was a very pleasant park (yeah, I've been around for a while). But, like you, I was pleasantly surprised with Magic Mountain, after hearing so much bad about it over the last few years (I had a very bad visit there back when I was in high school).

[natatomic]

Anyone else find it funny one of those oxygen things said INTOXICATING on the label?

 

Oh, so THAT's why my eyes looked like that!

 

Great work, as usual, Natalie. Be sure to post as many embarrassing pictures of the ex-beau as possible (finger up his nose or in his shorts, etc.) for an online catharsis.

 

Well, seeing as how I post embarrassing pictures of everyone I'm not too sure it would make any difference. Having said that, I wouldn't want to be mean anyway. Been there, done that, and I ain't proud of it. Nowadays, I'm just too sugar and spice and everything (ugh) nice, unfortunately.

[hyyyper]

Hey Natalie, I'm sorry to hear about all that doom coming down on you. If it makes you feel any better, the pics don't show it.

 

Good luck with Lia and I'm looking forward to your Universal Studios

[Fry]

Natalie, I love you and your updates.

 

Also, I don't remember this...

 

 

... being taken, but it's amazing! Stolen for avatar...

[Moose]

Sorry for a week of suckitude. Old Nalgene bottles apparently were made with a plastic that does baaad stuff. So if your bottle is old enough then you can take solice in its destruction. (maybe I should stop using mine... hmm)

 

But anyway.

Great report.

Cute sandals even if they caused weird tanlines.

[Meteornotes]

Yeah, CGA is a pretty sad place. And SFMM was amazing fun that day, even if it was brutally hot. Terminator ERT was amazing.

 

And don't forget what else we did on that LONG bus ride back from the bay area...MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS!!! I was entertained, anyway.

 

Sorry about your suck week. My camera died too. Less than a year old. Like Elissa said, it was probably protesting from having been around so many crappy coasters...

 

dt

[Brandy524]

Awesome updates, Natalie! Your captions crack me up! Sorry about the bad week. It will get better!!

[rctneil]

Great report. Sorry for the bad week, as everyone else has already said, it will improves. Things always seem to get worse before they get better.

[DBru]

Awesome PTR, as usual, Natalie! I'm sure you're getting tired of reading this, but I'd also like to shoot some sympathy out there for you for having such a bad week. And if I were overweight and not under-aged, then I would definitely take you up on that offer.

 

 

You wouldn't happen to have any more photos of Revolution, Viper, and CGA's Vortex, would you?

[deathbydinn]

I gotta get on that bird-cage ride. It does look very cramped though.

 

Sorry if someone already said this but isnt

 

Colossus? More like a "Colossus" waste of time. Biiiiiiiitch please.

 

an SNL reference?

[The Disneylander]

^ Oh god, I hate that part of SNL. I love WEEKEND UPDATE, but seriously...totally not funny at all.

[natatomic]

Day 6, part 1: Universal Studios Hollywood

 

OmgomgomgomgomgomgOMG. I. LOVED. THIS. DAY. Or rather - specifically - I loved the super-early morning walk-back of Revenge of the Mummy that day. Even though I still prefer Florida's version, I finally had the chance to touch, caress, spoon, and rub up against real, live coaster track, and it was pretty much everything I imagine sex to be BUT BETTER.

 

The rest of the park was only okay, for it being Universal. I like Hollywood's version of Jurassic Park better, but overall, Florida's park beats up and steals the lunch money of USH. It was just very small and very compact with far fewer attractions, and everything seemed very thrown together without being put in any distinct "land." I did enjoy the Studio Tour, but word of advice: sit on the left side of the tram. THE LEFT SIDE. Trust me and HEED YE THESE WISE WORDS.

 

Oh, and Creature from the Black Lagoon? Those are 25 minutes of my life that I will mourn the loss of for all eternity. Stay away. Staaaaaay awaaaaaay.

Alright, that's it for USH! Up next is Scandia and a super special secret bonus credit place! (Except I'm sure most of you know what it is by now if you've read other WCT TRs. But humor me, please. Kthx.)

But I don't mean "eat her" in some vulgar, sexual way. No, I mean he LITERALLY ate her.

 

And that was the end (of both the show and my faith in theme park musical theater).

And since the girl fell in love with the creature in return, she decided to let him eat her.

Then he accidentally got shot with a growth hormone - and really, who didn't see the coming?

The creature fell in love with the girl and sang her a ballad.

 

(And sadly, I'm not even joking, but at this point 100-200 people got up and left right in the middle of this song)

A half naked man got a boob credit (totally family appropriate, as you can see)

The main female character took a swim in the very lagoon in which some horrible creature was supposed to be living, because, you know...that's what any intelligent person would do.

It started off normally enough, with a group of scientist/explorer types looking for a creature which resides in a lagoon of a blackish shade.

Finally, we did...this.

Next we saw the Backdraft show/attraction thing. I prefer the Twister version in Orlando, though.

He grew so attached to the little fella that he ended up trying to steal it from its masters.

Outside, Neil was given a dinosaur egg to safe and warm with his farts.

Mike certainly got *ahem* wet.

This is a far better effect than a crate above your head dropping four inches.

How very cruel.

You don't see this in Orlando.

All the wetness? Ah. They must have turned your mom on.

After the Studio Tour (sorry there wasn't much of a segue there), we headed towards Jurassic Park.

And you know, it's a good thing I'm not, oh say....SCARED OF FLYING AND DIDN'T HAVE TO FLY BACK HOME IN A WEEK. Else this might have made me a bit queasy. Eugh.

This was a scene from "War of the Worlds." It was actually quite incredible to see in real life.

No, no, no, Mr. Tram Driver! Why are you pulling away so quickly? He's making one last valiant attempt to chop those pesky split ends of mine off by leaping toward me, but alas - we've pulled away too fast for him to reach.

 

Oh, the horror.

And now he's heading my way with a knife? Oh, he must have noticed my split ends and decided to give me a hair cut! Adorable!

Oh goodness! He sees me! Our eyes have met, and he is clearly taken aback by my beauty!

There's probably more room in the trunk for her to lie down in. How thoughtful of him.

Aww, look at that sweet young man, carrying his ailing mother to the car like that.

What convenient accommodations for those visiting Whoville!

*cue music*

I think they said this is where Dr. Seuss grew up or something.

Then we took a drive down Wisteria Lane.

Um, can I get the number of his dentist? Those pearly whites - and my goodness, are they white! - of his are SPOTLESS.

 

(Why am I even surprised at his perfect teeth? It's Hollywood. Everyone has work done. Even that firm skin of his is probably thanks to botox)

He looks like an angry penis.

At least the Jaws part was better on the right.

Hah, just kidding. Well, not, that WAS an actual photo I took during the Earthquake scene (on the pitch black RIGHT side), but this is a picture on the better-lit left side.

And then we went through the earthquake scene, which looked like this.

These sets were all used in various movies, but I can't tell you which ones (not because it's classified information that I'd be killed for telling, I just have no idea). Sorry to disappoint.

An exclusive look at the directors of the future.

 

God help us.

Because you really should sit on the left.

By the way, have I mentioned that it's a good idea to sit on the left?

And of course, there's the Delorean. Still not as cool as the Mule, though.

We went by all these cars (on our, ahem, LEFT), and this was the best shot I was able to get of the Mule from "Serenity." Does ANYONE have a good shot of it? I love "Firefly" stuff, but I think I was the only one who cared on the trip as far as I know.

I took this on the "collapsing-due-to-dynamite" bridge, which I think turned out quite lovely.

This was where the fire was a year or however long ago it was. By the way, remember what I said about sitting on the left side? Are you starting to see why?

Most of the indoor studios looked like this. Incredible, no?

First, we did the Other Languages Studio Tour. (Really? Is that what it was called? Huh.)

Okay, time to say goodbye to Mummy

Because THIS was the magic place my deviance led me.

I'm a pretty good girl, so doing something forbidden was a strange and foreign concept for me, but oh my...did it ever feel gooood.

Ahh, one more look back at the ride.

Oh, and we also got to see a room full of gold, but...whatever. It's not a coaster.

Up the skirt of the track switch. You're welcome, boys.

And I'm turned on all over again.

And the coaster loved me back. Both my arms were covered in coaster DNA by the end of our romps.

Oh, now that's what I'm talking about.

A lot, actually.

(This is such a horrible picture of me, but shoot that track looks fine, so I had to include it)

Like, I REALLY love it.

I love it!

A room FULL of it!

Coaster track!

Yeah, that's creepy too.

Actually, all of it was creepy, but I'm a horrible chicken, so don't go by what I say.

Those hands were moving up and down the entire time, even though I don't think any other animatronic was during our walk-back. Creeeeepy, they were.

It took every ounce of will-power for me to not throw my body on the track and lick it (maybe more, I dunno, it would have been a very in-the-moment thing, so who knows what all I'd have done.)

Speaking of...let's get started on that.

And a CONSOLE! I *love* consoles!

 

What fantastic foreplay leading up to the coaster walk-back!

We had something like this on Splash Mountains too!

I love layout maps like I love NOT sticking toothpicks under my toenails, which is, like, one of my top 3 things ever!

I know we usually call these "nerd" shots, but considering that most of us think stuff like this is awesome, we might as well call them "Super best-looking popular quarter-back cheerleader jock shots."

I should have hugged the damn thing. Folks, learn from my mistakes: never pass up the opportunity to tell a coaster just how much you really love them.

One of the reasons I prefer Florida's version is that its animatronics are more flesh'n'bone-looking as opposed to the pvc pipe variety. Ha. Ha. Ha?

We had no badges, of course, so we all had to rely on our good looks and charm to get in. Some of us had a harder time of it than others.

This, I believe, is where they filmed "The Mist."

Honestly, I never knew that much about USH to begin with, but how I never knew anything about the hours-long escalator ride that splits the park in half I'll never know.

Marvel Super Hero Island Lite. REALLY Lite. Like...MEGA LITE.

 

Haha...mega lite. You know...like Intamin? Don't you love how I always point out my own terrible jokes? What can I say, I'm just so endearing sometimes.

(Okay, I swear this TR will get better eventually.)

First, we got to walk through the empty park, which is always nice. When I own my own park some day, it will be No GP Allowed Ever. It will also be called Nataliewood. Ha! Pun!

I feel like I've gone back in time with this old-school Universal globe.

[natatomic]

Old Nalgene bottles apparently were made with a plastic that does baaad stuff. So if your bottle is old enough then you can take solice in its destruction. (maybe I should stop using mine... hmm)

 

True, except that since I've been drinking two Nalgene bottles full per day, EVERYDAY, for the past 5+ years, I think the damage is already done. So what if my future kids all have three arms or half a brain? At least I was hydrated.

 

And don't forget what else we did on that LONG bus ride back from the bay area...MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS!!! I was entertained, anyway.

 

How do I keep forgetting to mention all these Oscar-worthy movies you introduced to us? I recorded it when it was on SyFy a few weeks ago so I could watch it over and over again and over again.

"It rises!"

 

You wouldn't happen to have any more photos of Revolution, Viper, and CGA's Vortex, would you?

 

I have a few extra that I didn't post in the trip report. I sent them your way via a PM.

 

Sorry if someone already said this but isnt

Colossus? More like a "Colossus" waste of time. Biiiiiiiitch please.

an SNL reference?

 

Hah! Indeed it is!

^^And sorry you hate it so much, Disneylander.

[hyyyper]

Hey Natalie, I am intrigued how you managed to take so many pictures with a broken camera ( )

 

Btw, here's a (left side) shot of the spacecraft, not sure if it's any good to you.

[natatomic]

Hey Natalie, I am intrigued how you managed to take so many pictures with a broken camera ( )

 

Btw, here's a (left side) shot of the spacecraft, not sure if it's any good to you.

 

That's better than what I've got, so thank you!

 

And my camera RECENTLY broke. It was fine during the trip.

[tedten]

Holy Cow, Natalie, that series of captions for the "psycho" photos was one of the funniest things I've ever read on TPR, or anywhere!

 

If it makes you feel any better the nalgene bottle scare was just that: a scare. The amount of bisphenol A present in the bottles was no where near high enough of a dose to harm you. They changed the formula before the the studies showed this to be safe/ good PR but nothing was wrong with their original bottles. (I'm currently working on a Bisphenol A presentation for my environmental health science class.)

 

Hope your days get better!

[krazekiddd]

Awesome as always Natalie, though I'm sad you didn't do the 3way coaster porn photo of you, Chris, and I.

[grinch1313]

Great TR, Natalie! I loved the USH update and can't wait for more. I have to say that I also care about Firefly and Serenity. It's great and it has Nathan Fillion. The Creature show was terrible and hilarious for all the wrong reasons. And the Mummy tour was the greatest thing ever.

[natatomic]

Awesome as always Natalie, though I'm sad you didn't do the 3way coaster porn photo of you, Chris, and I.

 

You mean this X-rated thing?

 

(Photos stolen from Ben)

Yep. Yes it is.

 

(And unfortunately, that IS my "naughty" face.)

Holy crap, we're hot!

 

Oh, and is that more coaster fluid on me?

[SharkTums]

^Why does it look like Scott is trying sooooo hard not to touch you guys!?!?

 

Were you really that covered in coaster spooge by that point!?!?

[Jds03]

I got really badly spooged too.

[printersdevil78]

Wow, you and I share the same thoughts about pretty much everything at Universal (especially the "sitting on the left on the tram" advice)... except for the "Creature" show. I thought it was hillarious, especially when the dang thing broke down!

 

Maybe it wasn't supposed to be hillarious, though....

 

Anyway, awesome shots of Norman Bates!

[krazekiddd]

^Why does it look like Scott is trying sooooo hard not to touch you guys!?!?

 

Were you really that covered in coaster spooge by that point!?!?

 

I was totally covered in what I'm assuming is oil or for this photo, greasy lube I was trying not to touch any more of the track.

 

Next time, I'll use protection.

[dammie16@vt.edu]

All the wetness? Ah. They must have turned your mom on.

 

I think this one liner will be highly under appreciated so i will take this space to point out this is the caption I laughed the hardest at.

 

Also I hope your spelling is right because I always wondered how to spell "Segue" and now I can move on with life

[natatomic]

Day 6, Part 2: Scandia & John's Incredible Pizza

 

First of all, I DO apologize for how long it's taken me to get around to updating this trip report. School has been taking up a lot of my time lately, and then on top of my camera dying (which I just got back a couple of days ago, all repaired and perfect again, thank goodness), my laptop started smoking and died on me too, and this very minute my 3-lbs dog is having Very Serious & Very Expensive surgery. So, I've been a little distracted and busy. And back to my laptop, I had backed up my WCT photos onto my external hard drive mere DAYS before it blew up in my face, so WOW did I ever dodge a bullet there. And despite the fact that I now have to work from my ever-slow desktop, I'm going to try to go back to updating the TR regularly. Once a week maybe? Wish me luck.

 

So, Scandia and John's Incredible Pizza, let's see.... I actually liked Scandia for the glorified arcade that it was, but I feel that way about anything that brings out the Svenska Flicka in me. Having said that, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to make it off the Screamer coaster alive - it looked like it was made of macrame. Also, there was the kiddie coaster. That's all I have to say about that. It was a kiddie coaster.

 

As for JIP and it's Miner Mike, you can't really get any whore-ier than that, and considering who's writing this trip report, that's saying quite a lot. As for the pizza, I suppose it was rather incredible, but keep in mind that I had only had pizza once - ONCE! - in the 24 hours previous to that meal, so my system was in serious pizza withdrawal mode, and I would have found saucy cardboard to be divine. (Pizza truly is the backbone of my existence.)

And sadly, I did not get any pictures of John's Incredible Pizza, but I DID get a picture of Ben's Incredible Ice Cream Cone, so I hope that will suffice.

 

Thanks for reading. Next up: SeaWorld.

Ben, I think you need to heed the words of your t-shirt.

Now onto John's Incredible Pizza

I am going to take this sign as LITERALLY as possible by rushing over to Scandia as soon as my water breaks so I can give birth to the baby in the station and then hop the coaster immediately afterward. And they'll try to stop me, I'm sure, but I'll be all "YOU SAID DELIVERY! THE BABY IS DELIVERED, AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIDN'T SPECIFICALLY INCLUDE THE AFTERBIRTH TOO, I'M RIDING NOW, PUNKS."

And the coaster cars do seem a bit bizarre to me.

 

Oh, and remember back in my SFMM update when I mentioned about naming my future daughter Lia just so I could take her picture in front part of the "LIA" portion of the Goliath sign and how it'd work out perfectly since she was gonna be born in CA anyway? Well, here's the explanation:

I'm just saying it doesn't exactly inspire confidence, what with those flimsy supports and all.

And then this toothpick-constructed thing.

Say what you will about me and my whorish ways, but I'm not the one with a video camera taping it!

First on the coaster agenda was a take over of the kiddie.

Anyone else get a mental image of the Pied Piper here?

See? Exactly like the real Sweden. Palm trees and everything.

Why would you spend all that money on the Scandinavian TPR trip when you can have the same experience on the WCT? Honestly, some people did not think that one through...

Once you get past the obnoxious, crowded arcade inside, the outside is quite pretty and well-maintained.

Yet we were still let in despite that approximately 38% of us were wearing TPR shirts which obviously designated us as members of an organization. Probably could have brought my booze in after all.

Vi anländer till Skandia, och det är underbart.

 

(Okay, I'll stop. I don't really speak Swedish, anyway.)