Guy T. Koepp

PT. CINQ.2 -THE SHOWS CONTINUED Next up was the stage spectacular BABES IN TOYLAND! OK, for all the fun I am about to make of this right now, I must say it realy is a cute show for the kids. It is colorful, bright, and lots of fun with a bunch of cute songs and lots of eye candy for the little ones. Aside from it having some small pacing problems it realy is very well done. (Again, we were there on only their second day of performances. I think the slow parts will most likely get solved in the course of several more shows.) With that said, I will now make fun of what is actualy a fine family show. Somehow, the parents have found the magic well, fallen down it, and arrived in toyland themselves. However, they are not greeted with the same merriment as the children. They are ushered into the evil forrest by... ...CHINEESE ACROBATS IN PIRATE COSTUMES! Which of course means that you must sing the children off into the evil spider infested forrest while being entertained by... ...wait for it... ...MORE CHINEESE ACROBATS! TOYLAND! Where after some clever banter, we learn the good toymaker is being held hostage in the evil toymakers shop. Chineese acrobats? I don't remember that in the story. Anyway, the acrobats cause our young heros to fall down a well and arrive in? You guessed it... Babes in toyland! All is well in the quaint little town of I don't remember. Until the evil Toymaker unleashes...

Only two more segments left! Hang in there people. If everything goes according to plan. I should be out of everybodys hair by this time tomorrow. Then this little PTR can drop off into obscurity and just become a novelty whenever someone does a Dollywood search. With that said, I give you... PT. CINQ - THE SHOWS! There is lots to offer you on this home front. Again, tons of music all over the park. As we have been here before and will most likely be here a couple more times this season. We went to a few shows that we had never seen before. First up, TINKER! The talking Christmas tree and his elf friends. Tell us the story of why presents are given during this time of the year. Oh, and they have awesome audience sing along songs. IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE IT WANTED TO EAT YOU! Yeah, I know. The kids love it. But seriously, scariest thing ever! OMG! It's a giant talking Christmas tree. I guess this would be alright if...

more... Hey Kids! Look, it's the Baby Jesus! WHAT? WHO? Next up... ...tha shows! I'll scramble up these eggs for the kids. I can eat this many! Mmmmmmmm Dollyfood! Batter dipped, deep fried eagle.

Thanks for all the kind words. If any of you are ever heading out to Dwood. Let me know. I love the place, and would love to meet up if I'm available to do so. With that said, I bring you, PT QUATRE! Craftmans Alley. These birds are beautiful. Also in craftmans alley is the Bald Eagle sanctary. 11 birds reside here. See how the man penatrates the Glory Hole with his massive 6 foot pole. No sexual innuendos here folks. Wow! A 2400 degree Glory Hole! it must be Lindsey Lohan, the craft experience. WAGONS DADDY! WAGONS I TELLS YA! what are you lookin at old man? They make real wagons here! And now! Craftwomen! Kinda like Catwoman... ...with crafts! this woman was Throwing Copper. And trust me, it hurts when she hit you too. And now! Craftmen! This dude was shaping iron! Awesome! "Guy, put your f^@K!ng camera awa... ...D@m^!t, did you just take a picture of me? This better not end up on line. @ss#0le! Would I do that to you honey? Ha Ha! Grilled cheese, Doritos, and a Coke! Breakfast of champions sweetie. Jarett, how are your deep fried potatoes? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! BUT FIRST... ...DOLLYFOOD! OMFG! THE BBQ PULLED PORK WAS THE ULTIMATE! Tee Hee! I said pulled pork!

But wait! There's one more picture. This is the huge teaser for segment Quatre. That's four for those in the know. PT. TROIS.3 WAIT FOR IT! WAIT FOR IT! And GO! CRAFTMANS ALLEY! WOO HOO! PROBABLY THE SINGLE REASON I GO TO DOLYWOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE! I know, a huge build up, with a lame payoff. I fail!

OK, for some reason I can only add three pictures at a time or the post crashes. So here is more of the train ride in three picture segments. PT. TROIS.2 Mystery Mine through the trees. Really through the trees. Actually, it's more like, trees! with Mystery Mine all in the background. but look at that foliage. It's beautiful. Oh, and Mystery Mine is an fun, surprising coaster with some of the best themeing this side of Disney and Universal/IOA. Yay Thunderhead! My #5 favorite wooden coaster! Speaking of ranking your coasters. Be sure to fill out your Mitch Hawkers Wood Coaster Poll befor the deadline at the end of the month. This is the Splash Battle site. It is right behind Mystery Mine. Aside from clearing, a retaining wall, and some subterranian pipe laying. There is not much going on over here right now. I'm sure construction will pick up pretty quick after the hollidays though. Tee Hee! I said pipe laying. Speaking of craftmans alley loop. The pathway has been finished. They just need to pave and theme it. Wait a minute! That's not pioneer stuff. Dollywood seems to be clearing stuff. What on earth could that be for? Actualy, I don't know. It's the high turnaround for the train. They leveled the entire thing. I have no idea why. It's no where near the Splash Battle site or the new craftmans alley loop. A pioneer outhouse. The pioneers used these to take a crap in at rock concerts. Then they would wait for the chess club geek to go in and roll it over on him. Ha Ha! Stupid pioneer chess club geek! And an old dumprtuck and a bulldozer from back in the day. the pioneers used these to build freeways for the wagon trains. And some old rusty train crap. I love that they have all this cool stuff from back in the old western days. Here's a rusty old wagon. See the train go. Go train go! The train goes fast.

That was weird? It only posted one picture of my last segment. I'm sure it was user error. I fail! Meh! I'll try again. PT. TROIS - The train ride! This looks strangly familiar! See the train! Go train go! See the train go. Did I mention that everyone here a Dollywood is super nice. Almost too nice. Kinda creepy nice. Stepford Wives nice. Without all the killing. but nice none the less. See the family on the train. Happy family. Happy family on the train.

So after Blazing Fury it was time to take a little train ride through the Smoky Mountains. No more time for chit chat! PT. TROIS Our Chariot awaits. I love the old steam trains. There really is something magical about them.

Very nice Hector! It looks like you had an awesome time. I'm hoping to get over to DLR next Monday to see all the Holiday decorations.

^Chuck, if you go this year, give me a call. I would love to meet you there. It really is an awesome park. ^^Silly German, Tricks are for kids. This was only Pt. UN of probably 5 or 6 parts. Including a segment on the new construction. ^^^Yes, the Q2Q not only will get you past the show lines, but will get you preferred seating as well. Q2Q is realy a great deal at Dollywood. However, with that said, they are open Wed, Th, & Fri as well. It is a lot less crowded and the longest lines are only 5 or so minutes. Also, the shows tend to fill up the first and last viewings of the day. So if you want to just stroll into the shows, try going to the afternoon and evening times. On deck! Dollywood train & Splash battle construction! Right now... ...PT. DEUX It's ride time! Woo Hoo! YES! That's right! It's the Lindsey Lohan experience! Or, Fire in the Hole! Or, Blazing Fury! Whatever! I love this ride. It's one giant lifthill, 3 pops of air and a water splashdown. Awesomeness in a tin can! January, what's that up ahead? Angry chicks in a teacup ride. Seriously the scariest ride in the park here flolks. The Dumbo ride! Oh sorry! Flying Elephants. Like we all don't know what that means. Some weird hot dog dude that was squirting some sauce on himself. Yes, that's right, I said squirting Jahan! Embrace the squirt Jahan, embrace the squirt! Don't worry. It doesn't matter, a lucky few will get it. Wave swinger. I got nothin' snippy to say here. Except DAMN! Alana is HAWT! And January is the prettiest little girl in the whole world. AND... ... I CARRY A SHOTGUN WITH ME AT ALL TIMES! So back off you horny 6 year olds. SCRAMBLA BLA BLA BLA BLA!!!!!!!!! Weird patriotic, bat wing, flying thingy, contraption of sorts. Let the whoring begin! Wait a minute! That's no whore! That's my lovely wife Alana. My son on the other hand... ...huge whore! JUST KIDDING! Calm down people! Yay! It's credit whore time with the Bible Vegetables. Is it legal to say Bible and Whore in the same sentence? Also, is being a Bible whore a good thing? Just some things that make you go Hmmmmm!

Yay! I will get to ride Kentucky Rumbler this year! BB is only 1 hr from my house! I am there! Woo Hoo! One more new credit before the year ends.

OK! Here's my disclosure. I LOVE DOLLYWOOD! I especially love Dollywood during their Smoky Mountain Christmas celebration. The entire park has been decorated to the hilt. If you've never been, you are really missing out on an incredible family experience. The sights, sounds and smells that fill this entire park during this time of the year are like nothing else on earth. The shows and entertainment are the best that any park offers world wide. The days activities range from craft making for the kids, a bevy of great rides, and the nicest staff this side of the northern hemisphere. Need I even mention the food! Oh my God! The BBQ we had for lunch was almost enough to make me believe that the bible wasn't fabricated by a bunch of self absorbed writers trying to control the masses via a plethora of cryptically written stories. However, when I had my first peppermint Hot cocoa. I swear Jesus walked up next to me, placed a firm hand on my shoulder and showed me the divine light. Turns out it was a toothless prospector that I saw through my fogged up glasses. But I thought I'd found Jesus, and damn it! Thats what counts. Anyway, I digress. You can stroll along a beautifully decorated craftmans alley watching artisans create original works of art that you can take home as gifts. It really is amazing to watch these people work. And they love to give demonstrations and explain exactly what they are creating. You can commission works of art that can be sent to you at your house, or picked up at a later date. (Depending on the length of time and degree of difficulty it takes to fabricate your item.) I could spend hours watching these craftmen and women work. It's really awesome, and educational. It's Awe-Edusomeational! At night the whole park comes alive with lights and music. Carolers stroll around singing beautifully arranged Christmas songs. They have several large scale stage shows, "The Smoky Mountain Christmas," and "Babes in Toyland." The later catering specifically to kids. Which brings me to my only criticism. As excellent as "Babes" is. It is still a bit too long at almost an hour. Especially for younger children. I'm sure as the weeks move forward they will get the pacing up on it. (Afterall, It was only their second performance day.) Anyway... ...If that wasn't enough, they also have a parade of lights that runs through the entire park twice nightly. Absolutely Magical! My family and I had an excellent time, and we cant wait to get back once or twice more before the season comes to a close. Thank you Dollywood! Thank you for a magical start to the Christmas season! With that said... ...what comes next in this trip report should not be taken seriously. AT ALL! C'mon people. It's me! Now, on to the pictures! Enjoy! DWOOD XMAS PT. UN OH GOD! Tha food! Excuse me Ma Kettle, but what are the rest of the people here today going to eat? Another Christmas tree! With rudi toot toots & rummy tum tums. And angels blowing... ...horns! A huge Christmas tree! With nut crackers! Not ball busters! NUT CRACKERS! And Raindeer doing the Pee Pee dance! Nothing says Merry Christmas like Raindeer doing tha Pee Pee dance! Cause there's Elves. And their Sh!t stinking drunk on tha Nogg! Ahh yes! Dollywood at Christmas! You know how I know it's Christmas? You know how I know that? Cause it says it on every park employee's sweat shirt. Guess where we are? That's right Dolly Butterfly ood.

Double King Burger with chili, cheese, bacon, and egg for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Round it out with a nice side of chili cheese fries and a large chocolate shake, and you have a meal fit for any true weight loss program, any time of the day. Any day of the week. Watch the pounds just melt away!

Keep up the good work. Are you covering your feet because of peoples comments about them?

^Yay! I will be there next Sunday! May I interest you three in a stroll around the park? Followed by an hour on the exerbike for Robb! A long Dollywood Smoky Mountain Christmas review and PTR starting tomorrow morning.

Blazing fury only 4 hours ago! Woo Hoo.

Wait...are you coming over to have sex with Robb!?!?!? It's really up to Robb. But I have no issues if you join us. That was actualy suposed to be two entirely seperate thoughts. The first pert belongs in the first paragraph. The Beer and sex thing being a statement all to it's own. Oh, who the fuck am I kidding. I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ROBB!!!! I don't care who knows. I will sing it from the mountain tops. I can't hide from my true feelings any more! I WANT TO ANIMAL BUTT RAPE THAT LOVEABLE TEDDY BEAR!

Hey Robb, May I join you for a little workout session on Sunday the 18th and Monday the 19th possibly on the 20th as well depending on strike? That way I won't have to skip any of my workout days while I'm there in Cali working this time. Let me know as workout is much more fun with a partner. Especially if it is the beer and sex workout. Oh, contrary to popular belief. Milk, even skim milk, is not good for you if you are trying to lose weight. A great tip from my fitness drill sargent was to cut dairy out of your diet 100%. Drink lots of water. At least 8 8oz glasses a day. I attribute at least 25% of the weight I've lost over the last year to that alone. Well, that and an undue amount of stress thanks to Alana.

As I tend to have a lot of free time on my hands here in Nashville, I tend to frequent the boards quite a bit during the day. I will usualy browse the boards once in the morning and once in the night. Then throught the day I will check in on the topics that I get reminders of that I am watching. I love the TRs. Especialy if it's someone I know. I will usualy pass over TR that have no pictures. I realy love it when people take the time to create a story around their TRs. It makes it that much more entertaining to watch. One of my favorite threads is Jahan's 6FMM ongoing update thread. As that is what I consider my home park, I love getting the skinny on what is going on over there. I always check out the newest on ride stuff. I think this site has the highest quality of professionally video taped coaster footage.

Personally, I'd wait till it hits $1.75 then buy, buy, buy. You would have cleared out all the suckers by then. It has a tendancy to fluctuate from end of season to beginning of season. If you buy low in the latter part of the year, you should at least double your money come April, May, June. I've done this the last three years and have done fairly well with it.

Great TR so far. It looks like you had a great time so far. I am sad that I wasn't there to meet you in person. Hopefully next year. I look forward to the rest of your pictures.

Awesome TR so far. I was sad I had to miss the floruba Halloween trip this year. Thanks for rubbing it in!

Just finished and sent mine in. El Taco was still my #1. However, Wildcat @ HP took my new #2 spot away from Boulder Dash @ LC. Also the other woodies at HP moved my top 10 around a little bit from last year. Woo Hoo! I have two new last place finishers. Texas Giant and the Rattler took the new last place slots right after last years big loser Rolling Thunder. Woo Hoo! Er... ...I mean ouch! Oh God, my nut sac! Oh $h!t! My ribs! F**k I've got a head ache!

Antonio, those are awesome costumes! Is that Giovanni? Wow! You guys look great! If it weren't for your signature I would have never guessed it was you. Say hi to Giovanni and your parents from all of us here in Nashville.

The Texas Giant at 6FoT and the Rattler at 6FFT. Hands down the two worst coasters I have ever been on. I have never been on any coaster that has made me feel more like $h!t after riding them than these two hunks of junk.