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Posted

LOL!

 

"Oh, okay, here's another riddle. A woman has two children. Now, a homicidal maniac tells her she can only keep one. Which one does she let 'im kill?"

"That's, that's not a riddle. That's, that's just terrible."

"Wrong! It's the ugly one."

Posted

I went to see the ASIMO show at Disneyland and when they played the video of the wheelchair bound husband that the robot is supposed to help I blurted out, "Holy Crip! He's a crapple." Most of the audience seemed to enjoy it.

 

Damn that was some funny stuff.

Posted

Social worker: "Glen honey, I got a question for you. What do you do for a living?

Quagmire: "I got a question for you. Why are you still here?"

 

Posted

this one's for you Phishy...

 

Quagmire - " Hey who wants to play drink the beer!?"

Peter - " Right here (chugs beer)"

Quagmire - " Heh, you win!"

Peter - " Alright, what do I win"

Quagmire - " Another beer!"

Peter - (with a beer in each hand) " Oh I'm goin' for the high score "

Quagmire - "Well actualy Charlie's got the high score"

Charlie - ( pissing into a grandfather clock ) " Hey man, your clock wont flush"

Peter - "Heh, you know I feel kind of bad you guys, I promised my wife I wouldn't drink"

Quagmire - " Oh don't feel bad Peter"

Peter - "Ah gee I never thought of it like that"

Posted

^"Quagmire, you forgot to say OH!"

 

Waitress: "We've got a special booth for you Mr. Tucker" (takes him to a stall where he is sitting on a stool and his food is on the toilet) (man busts into stall, drops trow and sits on Mr. Tucker's food)

Tom Tucker: "this is unacceptable, how long are you going to be, Im very hungry" :?

Posted

"Mr Gorbachev, tear down this wall! Reagan smash!"

 

"So what do you wanna me to do? Wack a guy? Off a guy? Wack-off a guy? Cuz I'm married!"

 

And, Jesus, doing his hand tricks from the new DVD... Insert self sounding theme music! Oh man, I just died during that part....

 

Rob

Posted

"Here comes Mayor Adam West himself. Mr. West, do you have any words for our viewers?"

 

"Box, toaster, aluminum, maple syrup... no I take that one back. I'm gonna hold onto that one. "

 

Posted

(in the 1970s) Peter:"so I says to my boss, im not staying at this stupid toy factory, Im gonna go places"

Cleveland: "oh thats fly"

 

(in the 1980s) Peter: "so I says to my boss, Im not staying in that stupid toy factory, Im gonna go places"

Celevland: "thats cool'

 

(presant day) Peter: "so I says to my boss, Im not staying in that stupid toy factory, Im gonna go places"

Cleveland: "oh you are livin la vida loca"

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