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^Essentially, you roll around in a big, dark, humid warehouse, where you have a vague notion that there are targets you can shoot at.

I am not a moderator or anything, but me thinks this would be a bad idea, not to mention is not allowed according to the Terms of Service contract that you agreed to. You read that before you signed it, right? Exactly. We were informed at West Coast Bash a few years ago that the site of Kingdom of the Dinosaurs was in very bad shape and was unsafe for even an organized tour (it's just a wreck). So, do not even consider sneaking in there for photos and posting them here (or anywhere else, for that matter).

^This often happens during Howl-o-Scream on Saturday night--which is why I generally go on Friday or Sunday night.

Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I've been out of town since last Thursday night, so I'm hoping to sort thorugh the next batch of photos tonight and post the next chapter tomorrow. Stay tuned. I'm pretty sure I'd be languishing in a Chinese "free hotel" if I had.

I think this is right on the money. KD's version of Planet Snoopy was probably the weakest in the chain, thanks to the time and resources that the park had to devote to I305 (they opened at the same time). The old Kidsville area was long overdue for an update.

I can not imagine any other trips organizer/organization getting us on as many coasters as Robb and Elissa did. For those not on the trip Suzhou Giant Wheel Park was officially closed for the day when we arrived. They were not letting new guests into the park because a private function (park buyout) was about to start. Robb worked very hard ahead of time to make sure park management knew we would be there to even give us this opportunity. Sitting in the front of the bus I heard Robb and Elissa convince the tour guide to go to "at least" half a dozen places the tour guide didn't believe existed. Remember Robb running through the Shanghai Zoo to find a coaster that the tour guide couldn't find? How many times did Robb and Elissa camp outside a closed coaster (sacrificing rides on other coasters) until the coaster opened and then notify the group? How many times did Robb and Elissa convince ride operators to try to fit our larger participants by re-arranging seats after they were initially denied? I'm sure we never would have gotten all three coasters in at China Dinosaur Park in 90 minutes without Robb, especially since Dinoconda had a 3 hour wait. And least we forget the time Robb told out tour guide to wake up a sleeping ticket booth attendant ride operator at one of the public parks. Agree completely. All this and more is why TPR trips are so amazing!

I thought it was Aquaman's gym shoes.

^Same for me.

^Well, that couldn't have been much.

I'm so sorry. Not a fan of Shiner Bock. My last beer was a bottle of Sierra Nevada Tumbler.

A great picture of a surprisingly good ride.

Mourning Son of Beast is like being nostalgic for one of your past migraines.

^For that matter, do modern kids know much about the other old cartoon characters in Toon Lagoon?

More Great Wall, following by more stuff in Beijing--get excited! The Great Wall really is an amazing thing to see. Hmm--let's see . . . this is either "Kilroy was here" or "For a good sexy massage call . . ." can't quite make out the number. This is what separates "great" walls from merely "good" ones. Time to slide on down. They actually lash the alpine coaster cars into one big train, with a staff member taking the lead car. By George, I think we've found the legendary Lost Graveyard of the Alpine Coaster Cars! Yes, this is where they go to die. We also stopped at a cloisonne factory, but only for lunch. Colorful showroom, though. Welcome to Tiananmen Square--which is even trickier to spell than "banana." The building in the background is Mao's Tomb. All the policemen in China look like extras in an old Speed Racer cartoon. This is the Great Hall of the People, which is used for legislative and ceremonial occasions. Me 'n' Mao. This is Tiananmen Gate (or the "Gate of Heavenly Peace"), from which the square gets its name. Welcome to the (not so) Forbidden City, the home of Chinese emperors. Red and yellow were the official colors of the emperor--no one else could use them. Here's a scene from a little screened Three Stooges short, "3 Lychee Nuts." The boys have been hired to refurbish the Forbidden City, and wackiness ensues! ("Hey, watch it wit' that bamboo, lamebrain! I'll moidurize ya!") Uh oh! Looks like Mike and Megan didn't get the memo about "yellow" being forbidden to peasants! Off to the "free hotel" (in the words of Bruce). The Forbidden is City is sort of a "shampoo" historic site--that is, "lather, rinse, repeat." It's a series of very similar buildings and courtyards. This is the tallest building . . . . . . the throne room. "OK guys, we're runnin' outta room. No one move a muscle!" OK, are we not supposed to scratch the "relic," or is it currently scratch-free? What large stone carving? Oh. That one. This is the Imperial toilet. I'm sure that many deep thoughts were cultivated here, just as they are in bathrooms in the United States. OK, I made the "toilet" thing up--but "Hall of Mental Cultivation" would be a great name for a john. This is the emperor's bed chamber. Bring on the Imperial concubines! I think this unusual garden is the best part--it looks like an alien-planet set from an old episode of "Star Trek." There's even a little palace on a hill just outside the Forbidden City. Next stop--a silk factory. Look! They let us help out with making a comforter! (The best labor is free labor.) "BUY A COMFORTER, YANKEE DOG!" You know, you can get enough Chinese food. Even Chairman Mao gets sick of rice and sweet-and-sour whatever and likes a nice pizza from time to time. (Well, he would if he weren't a preserved corpse.) That's all for now.

Chapter 2: The TPR High-Speed Tour of Beijing; or, All You Need to Know (and Will Most Likely Forget) About Chinese History in One Day I promised you a bit of "culture" today, didn't I? Well, this will be as painless as possible. Who ever thought that riding roller coasters and checking out theme parks would some day get you to the Great Wall of China, Tiananmen Square, the Forbidden City, and, above all, both a jade and a silk factory? It makes perfect sense when you think about it. After all, when you talk about those famous landmarks, everybody knows about them. However, if you mention that you're planning to ride roller coasters in China, you usually get a blank stare, followed by this question: "Are there amusement parks in China?" It's almost as though you have to justify your roller-coaster excursion with a nod to culture. But that's OK. I've always wanted to see the Great Wall and the Forbidden City. I'm not going to bore you with a lot of history that I've already mostly forgotten. Let's just have a look, shall we? Beijing as seen from our hotel window. It's hard to tell where the dirty window ends and the pollution begins. Oh boy! We're on the road to the Great Wall! But first . . . . . . we have to stop at a jade factory. (These tours are obligatory in China, as the government wants you to learn as much about Chinese culture as possible--and snag some of your stray yuan in the process.) You do have to appreciate the amount of skill it takes to . . . . . . carve balls within balls within balls. As you can see here, jade can be very thin and translucent. Or it can be rather fat and opaque--like some people you may know. All tours must end in a showroom. It's a Chinese law. "BUY JADE NOW, YANKEE DOG!" We escaped the clutches of the aggressive jade salespeople and made it to the Great Wall. Here is our portal to Chinese history--but first . . . . . . tradition demands that the leader of those who would climb the Great Wall must first defeat a mighty bear in single combat! Bruce, saying that "bear fighting" is outside the scope of TPR's contract with the travel company, declares that Elissa must take on the challenge. And she totally owned that bear! (Now there's a bear-owning grin if ever I saw one.) "What? A bear beaten? I shall avenge you against the woman with the flag on a stick!" "Ah, apple slice, my old nemesis . . . you have undone me yet again! Sweet vengeance will have to wait." Er, if you say so. "Yeah, that's nice. Why don't you come and 'coexist' with us in this smelly bear pit for a while?" (Seriously, the smell from this exhibit would knock a buzzard off a Chinese outhouse.) There are other ways to kill time before hiking the Great Wall, other than bear fighting, feeding, and smelling. How about some "fair-priced" shopping? You could sample a dainty local delicacy. Ever wanted a suit made from coconut skins? Well, these folks can set you up! Just call Dicker and Dicker of Gilligan's Island. Perhaps you could pick up a few sundries at the Great Wall Supermarket. I wonder if they have a good beer selection? Or maybe you'd just rather stop for a little head. It looks like our Imperial Chariots have arrived. I think this conveyance was installed during the Ming Dynasty about 600 years ago. I am standing on the Great Wall. Just thought I'd make that clear. Not even this Wonder of the World can escape the haze and smog of Beijing. Looks pretty busy, doesn't it? We were told this was nothing compared to the crowds on October 2 (a national holiday). Let's hope this sign isn't pointing to . . . . . . this. More to come.

Poor Mach Tower has been problematic from day 1. Its best feature is the revolving as you go up; other than that, it's an average drop tower.

Yes--and some Chinese parks strap additional padding on the seats, which makes it more difficult for larger riders.

^It seems like those single-rail suspended coasters almost never run woth a damn.

^Yes, it's hard to feel an "Arctic Blast" outside in the heat and humidity of Hong Kong. But I had a great time at Ocean Park last week. There's plenty of stuff to see and do, and the penguin exhibit put the old Penguin Encounter at SeaWorld Orlando to shame.

It's as though it were sucked into a great vortex--possibly into Hell itself.

PETA is only interested in headlines and making themselves feel good about how much they "care."

^There's some more amazing Chinese signage to come, too.

I prefer Five Guys to In-n-Out. My big gripw against the latter is their use of that foul, wretched, fetid condiment of Satan--1,000 Island Dressing (good fries, though). One of the main things I like about Five Guys is the choice of condiments (I much prefer chopped greel bell pepper to iceberg lettuce).

^I thought Knight Valley's new woodie was one of the better GCIs, with some surprising pops of airtime (and a beautiful setting).

I'm not a flat-ride person, but I have enjoyed the old Bayern Curves (the Enterprise would be my second choice).