Cruising with Theme Park Review!

So today (well, really yesterday but who's keeping track) we were in Cozumel, Mexico! We had a fun day filled with ATV's, dirty shirts, and turkey! Yay!

 

Anyway....um....we did some stuff....yeah....and then, like, we did other stuff....blah, blah, blah....does anyone actually read this crap or do you all just look at the photos?

 

OK, fine...here's some photos....

 

Elissa and Little Penguin would like to welcome you to the town of Cozumel, Mexico!

 

Cozumel doesn't look quite as nice as it did the last time we visited...basically...it got kind of f**ked last Hurricane season!

 

At least they seem to be restoring it, which is good. (BTW, random tidbit of information - the "Drink of the Day" on the ship was the Hurricane. Bad taste, yes...but damn funny!!!)

 

Today we were going to kill ourselves on ATVs through the jungle!

 

Russel says "I really, really hope that ATV stands for All Teen Virgins!!!"

 

"And if it does....this place has exactly what I need!!!"

 

"...and after your ATV tour we'll be serving a fresh lunch...."

 

Gangstas you are NOT!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"First I'm gonna kill me some jews....then I'm gonna kill me some rednecks...then I'm gonna run over your baby with a tractor trailer truck! I'm BAD ASS JOW!!!! Don't F**K with me!!!!"

 

Once again....it's like dirt bikes....for the Special Olympics!

 

"Where are the virgins?"

 

"I'm only stopped because I haven't quite figured out how to turn this damn thing on yet!"

 

Oooh! Action shot! C'mon TPR girls!!! Don't you want some REAL men? Check us out!

(Please....someone from the site...Lou, Nicole, Spookbaby...someone get these guys laid...you've GOT to know someone...even if it's someone you HATE....please help us help them out! Even though they might look pathetic and stupid, they really are great guys!)

 

They told us it's a temple...but I think it's really just a pile of rocks.

 

"And not only is it a pile of rocks...but it's a pile of rocks with TEETH!"

 

"Are you talking to me, punk?"

 

"Ooooooh! It's culture.....Ooooooooh!!!!"

 

"Over on the left hand side....RANDOM HORSE!!!!"

 

Ahh, yes...back in the town and more "dirty" T-Shirts...I like this one!

 

Funny, I think....but not as awesome as this next one....

 

While I try to practice #1 as often as possible, I think my favorite is a toss up between "During a prostate exam" and "The moment of climax."

 

Ohh, goody! They have our size!

 

We're not sure exactly what this thing was....but it was green...and it had boobs. Do we need anything else?

 

There's the tower that after 3 years was still not operating.

 

The sun sets on Cozumel. Pretty isn't it? Doesn't it just make you want to have sex with the guy next to you? Go on! Even if you're a guy...and there's another guy...and you're not gay...go for it! And when he looks at you in amazement after it's all done you can say "that beautiful picture made me do it."

 

It's Thanksgiving! And what are we giving thanks for? We're thankful that Depeche Mode has stayed together all these years. We're thankful that Vekoma is still in business. We're thankful that Little Penguin and Yeti Ball have inner species relationships. We're thankful that no one has asked us to "pound it" yet. We're thankful for that dude that keeps leaving those little chocolates in our room every night (well, ok, I'm thankful, I don't think Elissa cares), I'm thankful that Cooking Mama has given me more encouragement to go work out, I'm thankful that our refrigerator is stocked with cheese, I'm thankful that Balder exists and that Jenny is there to keep it company, and most of all I'm thankful that Elissa hasn't cut off my testicles in my sleep and sold them to an orange mashing factory.

 

Here is a picture of me eating a menu. Sorry, my brain is totally exhausted after that last caption, so that's all you bitches are getting!

 

Hello ladies, my name is Jow "Two Dinner Entrees" Quadboobs ParkTrips.

(That really IS Jow's full name....I've seen his passport!)

 

Even though Elissa has a female miniature Robb beast growing inside of her, she still looks damn hot!

 

"Thanks Casey!!!"

 

One person here at the table knows what they are doing. Which one do you think that is?

 

Jow is very happy with the plastic crap that he won at trivia. Now if only I would have gotten video of his version of the chicken dance that he had to do in order to get it....*sigh*

 

And our towel animal for the day!!!

 

That's it! We'll have more updates tomorrow!

 

--Robb

Edited June 22, 2020 by robbalvey

You can't cruise there! You're in towel bat country! Even more so, you're apparently in Hunter S. Thompson towel bat country.

LMAO! miniature robb beast!

Oh my God! This trip report is the best! It is so much fun to go to bed with an ear to ear grin on my face!

 

I seriously think a TPR cruise is definitely in order. I even think I could sucker Alana into going on one of those.

 

Keep on keepin' on!

Haha...Jews Suck

The helmets are awesome. It makes no sense why you would wear that while riding an ATV, but they sure do look cool.

I wana ride a boat..

 

 

A big boat

 

but great pictures as usual.

Glad to see that you loved our Tshirts!!!!!

 

Joel " " Saury

I love going out to glamis and ocotillo wells to ride. Looked like you guys had a lot of fun. That must be one crazy ship with you guys on board

 

Enough is enough! I have HAD IT with all these motha****in' bats on this motha****in' cruise ship!!

Sooo funny! I like your cruiseship too. It's awsome!

omg the bat is smoking HOW AWESOME IS THAT????

 

@ 9 entrees for 6 people. For my thanksgiving, I ate a ton too! I mustave aten half a turkey, half a pound of stuffing, half my weight in bread rolls, and a helluvalotof other stuff. But man that Tryptophine whatever in the turkery knocked me out cold, I was in bed by 5! (we had early dinner since my aunt had other family coming)

 

Anyways, nice TR and happy belated thanksgiving!

Life on the home front is way better... I got to see Bond Girls poisoning people AND play Pinball! w00t!

Ell oh ell to the "knocked up" shirt.

 

Colin C

Xtremely cool ATV's! BTW that towel bat was funny

Nice to know you're having fun! Love the report, and the tshirts are awesome, lol!

heeeyyyyyyyy!!! i was on a cruise like 3 years ago (it was a carnival; sorry!) and we went there to cozumel and i saw that tower. i wanted to go on it so bad cuz i thot there was other rides but i was reall dumbb....

Wow! What will your child think when she sees this?

 

Why do you call him Jow?

 

And why am I asking so many dumb questions?

Loving the update guys, and congrats on the wedding anniversary and expecting arrival...I know I am a bit slow there.....

 

Jew...don't worry about everyone bagging you...come on down under and not only will we get you greatly drunk, but will also get you laid...even if you wake up next to the Rabid one!!

New photos coming soon!

We are finally down to our last two days on the ship....tomorrow we dock in Miami and then it's off to....CREDITS!!!! We'll hit Dania Beach Hurricane, Uncle Bernie's (quality establishment), and then a couple of fairs.

 

But until then....here's how the last two days at sea looked.....

 

Today, "Little Penguin" is going to hang out with us.....

 

Now *THAT* is a hamburger!

 

Little Penguin devours his first lunch, but he's upset there wasn't any fish.

 

"Yo, check me out....I'm Little Penguin....how's it going Antonio?"

 

Second lunch was at Johnny Rockets where Little Penguin ate a lot of ketchup!

 

Mom got up and danced.....

 

Yeah...she's plastered!

 

Little Penguin gets into the action too.

 

Just hanging out...picking up the hotties....

 

And damn....there sure were a lot of them today!!!

 

OMG! What the hell is that?!?! Is that human?!!?!? Little Penguin! Shield your eyes!!!! and...WTF is that in the bag?!?!?! Is that his....OMG....

 

Let's go body check some people over the side of the ship!

 

Jow actually managed to rock climb...without tearing down the wall!

 

Damn...the water slide is "kids only"....does a 36 year old going on 14 count?

 

We've been starring at this thing all week. What the hell is it???

 

OMG! What the hell is the "Beer Pong Tourney!?!?" And why are there killer donkeys there?!?! Derek, do you have anything to do with this?

 

Little Penguin is ready for our final formal night!

 

Check us out...all dolled up! Well, Elissa is at least.

 

"Jews are experts at tying ties!"

 

Mmmm....lots of foo-foo food!

 

We'll start out with two Prime Ribs...and then go for more!

 

"It tastes just like chicken!"

 

This is the closest the guys got to any action!

 

Tonights sherbet is "Testicular Cancer" flavor!

 

"Yo, what's up Derek?"

 

Ahh, the gala buffet....

 

Which apparently is promoting eating Mexicans!!!!

 

It looks like the Food Network exploded.

 

Random gala buffet stuff.

 

OMG! Chocolate covered strawberries! I no longer need sex!

 

"These are the guys we'd like to thank for causing us to gain 10 pounds this week!"

 

oooh....pretty! We don't know why....it's just ice....but it is!

 

Hey Little Penguin, what day is it?

 

Little Penguin is an ACEr in training.

 

"Check me out on the awesome ship!"

 

"Thanks again Casey!"

 

After winning a bit more at the casino, we decided to go to "Arts & Crafts...." this was NOT going to end well!

 

We were all supposed to make some kind of "box"......

 

My box was an advertisement for a "fart sale...." 2 Farts - $1!!!! (I thought it was a good bargain!)

 

Oh, yeah...and poo-poo is $2 extra!!!

 

Hey Tommi! We thought you'd appreciate this!

 

It's either a little windy out there, or Jow just got attacked by the hair solon monster!

 

YES!!!! Jews represent!

 

Little Penguin totally approves of the "fart sale"

 

We decided to go and play with our Wii a bit more....

 

Can you guess which Mii character is which?

 

Mmmm...it's like zebra pasta...except it's not black and white....and it doesn't look like a horse....and there isn't any zebra in that. Ok, fine, it's NOTHING like Zebra pasta!!!

 

Elissa likes eating balls.

 

"Hey baby, it's kind of sexy when you stab your balls!"

 

"It's our last dinner...of course I'm going to have two deserts!"

 

Any ship that's going to give me TWO cheesecakes is pro-jew to me!

 

"It smells like cookies...."

 

The guys spent the last night watching Georgia Tech get their asses kicked!

 

Elissa is all ready for bed....

 

And me? I'm just here writing this final trip report!!!

 

Anyway, I hope you all liked the "Cruising with TPR" Photo TR's...tomorrow we'll have an update with actual rides and coasters and stuff!

 

Thanks again!

 

--Robb "Looking forward to the TPR cruise!" Alvey

Weeeeee!!!

 

Well, the Cruise is Ka-Put! Cant wait till I see pictures from the TPR Cruise...that WILL be Horrible!

 

No RODNEY on this trip? He will surely be crushed! Oh Well, looks like Penguin left there with some extra baggage!

 

Oh, and let Joe know I got my Park Map today..and that ill be sending him really crappy stuff from Fresno now that I have his address!

 

-Ryan "See Ya Guys Hopefully next month!" King

looks like yall had lots of fun.

 

hope to be there on the next trip (most unlikely)

 

masterofthematrix91

WTF is Jow playing with? And more importantly, why is he aiming it at Elissa?

^His Wii, DUH?!?!

 

Nice update! Ive been on three cruises, and Disney was just about the best, I had a crappy time on the RC one I went on, but the boat was small and really run down, oh well. Have fun at the parks, let me know if you make a run through Sarasota, we can go pick up some more dyke shoes now that the mall isnt all torn apart!

 

Colin C