Photo TR: Chuck Looks Back at TPR's Europe Trip 2008

Chapter 9: From “Mini-Universal” to “Mega-Mickie’s Grove”—Movie Park Germany and Schlossbeck

June 29, 2008 was another “two-fer day” on TPR’s Europe Tour, with ERT at Movie Park Germany and a few hours at nearby Schlossbeck.

Even though it could use one or two “major” attractions, Movie Park was a lot of fun—a very nice mini version of the Universal parks. Yes, the coaster collection was mediocre, at best, but the park gave off a good vibe. The staff really treated us well, with ERT on not just a few coasters, but some flats, as well—not to mention the best lunch of the whole trip.

The park was quite attractive and featured the standard themed areas you’d expect in a “ride the movies” type of park, such as sections devoted to the Wild West, New York, Nickelodeon, and, of course, Hollywood. Here’s how the coasters measure up:

Ghost Chasers—Yeah, what can you say about a park’s coaster lineup when the best one is a wild mouse in half a box? Well, it is a decent mouse, even with the strange Sponge Bob “ghost ship” themeing.

Jimmy Neutron’s Atomic Flyer—This is a Vekoma kiddie suspended coaster similar to the Runaway Reptar models in the States, but with one big difference—lapbars instead of OSRs. So, by taking away the head banging, the ride becomes “fun.” Go figure.

The Backyardigans Mission to Mars—A rocket-themed Rollerskater. Vekoma actually makes a pretty fair kiddie coaster. Then again, they also make . . .

MP-Xpress— . . . the wretched Satan’s Looping Coaster. Yes, this ride gave me a left to jaw and few good shots to the head. Still, I’d rather ride it than . . .

Bandit— . . . this sorry stack of wood. Yes, Bandit was the worst wooden coaster I’d ever ridden (at least for a few days). Bumpy, shuffly, and painful—just no fun at all. But Lou and Steve’s on-ride video, complete with very appropriate profanity, is one of the funniest highlights of the whole trip.

The best attraction at Movie Park was the Alien Encounter splash-boat ride, with two nice drops (one of which is in a cave), rooms of big-brained aliens performing experiments on Earthlings, and even an earthquake sequence. Mystery River was a bizarre “rapids” ride with no wetness, but plenty of unicorns, elves, and giant mushrooms. The Ice Age Adventure was a good boat ride based on the movie. High Fall was one of those “floorless” Intamin drop towers with the bicycle seats. It was a truly frightening ride, and they should sell souvenir athletic cups emblazoned with the ride’s logo. We also checked out the German version of Shrek 4D and the park’s Time Riders simulator, which was OK (and seemed to have pre-shows within pre-shows).

All in all, I think most of the group had a very good time at Movie Park. What the place needs, though, is a nice B&M or Intamin hyper- or mega-coaster (or an Intamin woodie to replace Bandit).

We spent a few hours at Schlossbeck, a family park that reminded me a bit of old Mickie’s Grove outside Lodi, California—only much better. The park did have one nicely landscaped kiddie coaster, but the real attractions here were the self-operated rides (especially the jumping boats), the rather dangerous-looking playground equipment, and a strange “museum” of what seemed to be old department-store Christmas displays. Give in to the silliness of the place, and there’s plenty of fun to be had.

Unfortunately, SLCs cause a lot of collateral damage to riders. More to come from Movie Park.

. . . great prejudice!

Someone blew up this box. So the army responded with . . .

. . . the SLC with the strange "military" theme.

I'm not big on spinning rides, but I rather liked this one. I'd definitely rather ride this than . . .

Not even the spectators are safe when these two gladiators go at it!

. . . Anything they can get their hands on! Oh my God! Hoffman has slammed Bitner into a claw machine! That's gonna leave a mark!

Time for our Main Event! Bitner! Hoffman! An Extreme Hardcore Match! Their ring--Movie World's Santa Monica Pier! Their weapons . . .

Lou seems to like it, but is Piers about to hurl?

Here's the perilous descent to Mars. "Pull back! Pull back!"

I wonder if this is the part where you go into "hypersleep" mode?

Dave: "Hey, I'm on a kiddie coaster, and I'm wearing shades. I'm just too cool for my own good."

Time for "Mission: Sinise"--Movie World style.

Way behind the scenes at the "Big Mike Road Show."

It's like Mulholland Madness--only under the sea.

OK, I didn't know that Spongebob and Patrick were into "ghost chasing," but I'll go along.

I didn't get around to riding this one, but I imagine it isn't as brutal as that "George Foreman Grill" ride at Bobbejaanland.

How's it hanging, Brian and Mike? Any major "squishage"?

There was nary an "ouch," "ow," or "$%!!@$!" to be heard.

Yes, everyone, particularly Lou, appreciated the funky little lapbars.

The first pleasant suprise of the day--A Vekoma suspended that doesn't hurt and is actually "fun."

Lights, camera, Movie Park!

Movie Park Germany, take 2.

Yeah, we were all pretty puzzled by it. That's a wrap, Movie Park. Schlossbeck is next.

You have to walk through a library.

Here's the entrance to the rather odd Mystery River rapids ride.

I'm guessing that this was once themed to the Wild, Wild West flick from the looks of this station. But I don't know for sure.

Team Larry was stuck in the Time Riders preshows, so we missed our chance to be among the first to ride Bandit that day. Unfortunately, we got the credit, anyway.

Being as all the instructions at Shrek 4D were in German, some of our group had difficulties understanding the attraction's more technical aspects.

Here we see the results of prehistoric frigidity.

It appears that all the actors are spent. But was the experience satisfying? Palentologists have yet to answer this question.

Here we see an Ice Age threeway.

The strange yearnings of this small mammal have caused it to overreach sexually.

Ice Age Adventure gave us many insights into the sexual habits of prehisotric animals. Here we see a strange mating habit of the dodo. This massive pile up in an attempt to proceate no doubt crushed many birds and hastened their extinction.

The Wild West. I wonder if famous spaghetti-western stars Terence Young and Bud Spencer walked these streets in search of massive plates of beans.

I wonder if the Ramones played here.

Let's check out some of park's themeing, shall we? Here I am at Hollywood and Vine--in Germany.

Well, ERT's over. Where to now, Larry?

If this ride was a Russian ballet, it'd be the "Nutcracker" (nothing "sweet" about it).

High Fall has a pretty well-themed queue for a drop ride. You walk through an Old West sheriff's office. I'm not sure what the guys are smiling about, though.

Hmm--apparently there was some sort of sporting event going on. Can't imagine what it was . . .

And now, some of the wacky Schlossbeck experience.

Hmm--why does Piers look so "naughty" on his horse? More to come.

This can be settled at only one place and in only one way: Paris Disney--in a steel cage!

Looks like the action didn't end at Movie Park, wrestling fans! Bitner and Hoffman are going at it Schlossbeck style, too!

. . . and his youthful sidekick, Bucky!

Hey there, boys and girls! It's time for your favorite show! The adventures of Commando Larry . . .

Note to self: Never ride the twisty "wet-dry" slide.

Hanno was there to document each one.

They gave us four laps on the kiddie coaster.

Yes, much smoother and more elegant.

Next up, Melanie.

Hmm--pretty sloppy splash there.

Time to watch the Bitners go down. First up, Rich.

"Thank you, Lord!"

"Dear God, please protect me from my own foolishness, and I promise to never sin again!"

First stop--jumping boats. These were self-operated. You get in the boat, the next person in line closes a safety gate and pushes a button, then you pull a cord and up the ramp you go (only to drop down directly).

You are here. Or, rather, we were there. Unless you were one of us, in which case, you were there, too.

One last look at Schlossbeck, where there are many ways to die--or go mad!

"You know, I'm not getting paid nearly enough for fulfilling this pervert's fantasy." That's all for now.

Only the power of the leprechaun's Pink Princess and her good friend Satan! Together, they vanquished the robots, saved the leprechauns, then went out for wings at Hooters. The end.

This so angered the local chapter of PETA that they sent their Sacred Blue Robots of Painful Vengeance to slay the leprechauns! Who could possibly save them now?

. . . alien leprechauns from the planet Shilleagh decided to visit a particularly uptight planet. Unfortunately, their spaceship crushed a rare papier-mache crocagator!

OK, I think I've figured out the story behind this one. Once upon a time . . .

But what about freaky hand puppets?

When in doubt, throw in a few monkeys. Kids love monkeys!

Behold the Department Store Displays of the Damned!

"Sorry, folks! Unless you wanna spend 50 cents a scene, I'm as scary as the basement gets. But they freak you out upstairs for nothin'!"

But the true psychic horrors are contained within this innocent-looking country manor.

In addition to danger to life and limb, Shclossbeck also has ways to damage your psyche--for example, the singing tree show!

. . . demonic trees (which, no doubt, house carnivorous bees)!

Such as these. I wonder why. Maybe it's the presence of . . .

Hmm--it appears that there are some things that are too dangerous even for Schlossbeck.

. . . severely.

Many chances to injure yourself . . .

Yes, at Schlossbeck there are many playground implements of death and destruction.

Great coverage of "the day Liz missed", Chuck. Schlossbeck was such a trip. Excellent time that day.

Someone blew up this box.

That would be me.

Just catching up on this thread. Enjoyed the updates and the rapids shots. Much thanks for all.

The last time i visited the park it was named Wild Wild West as you thought.

I guess it was ok back then.. but after seeing the dvd... i was very glad i did not ride it this time and took pictures instead..

Thanks for the updates

nice TR Chuck really enjoying it, my head seems to appear in lots of your photos lol

Another great one Chuck! Lots of rather neat captions there too

And folks, stay tuned for the raw action of the final battle between Bitner and Hoffman. When the Disney report rolls around, you'll see the climatic climax of this awesome grudge, in a STEEL CAGE!!!

Keep it up Chuck!

Chapter 10: What Michael Jackson Wishes Neverland Ranch Was Like?—Phantasialand

Phantasialand is the home of two important parts of TPR lore:

1. The Dragon Bar at the Hotel Ling Bao

2. The “Michael Jackson Thrill Ride”

Yes, Phantasialand was one of the most anticipated parks of the trip, and with good reason—it’s quite a place. This is where the Wild American West mingles with the mysteries of the Orient, the majesty of the African continent, the darkness of the Middle Ages, and the just plain weirdness of fairy tales. Very few parks are as immersive an experience as Phantasialand, especially if you stay at the Hotel Ling Bao.

The park’s coaster lineup is also pretty impressive, if rather eccentric (in all the right ways):

Winjas: Fear and Force—At first glance, Winjas appears to be an excellent indoor spinning mouse, but that damns it with faint praise. There are plenty of surprises hidden in the ride’s two dueling tracks, which I wouldn’t dream of revealing here. Winjas is wild and intense, yet very re-rideable. Everyone needs to check this sucker out at least once (or each track once, at least).

Black Mamba—I’ve read all the conflicting accounts about this B&M inverted, which range from “OMG! Best freakin’ thing ever!” to “Lame! Another forceless B&M.” As usual, the truth is in the middle somewhere. Mamba, while not the best B&M inverted (that would be Alton’s Nemesis, I think), is a very good ride with excellent themeing, which raises it up a notch.

Colorado Adventure (or “The Michael Jackson Thrill Ride”)—An excellent, well-themed mine train, with multiple lift hills and a very long layout. This was the best of its kind of the trip (until Big Thunder at Paris Disneyland). And, hey, it's endorsed by the King of Pop.

Temple of the Night Hawk—Yet another bizarre indoor coaster, with multiple (was it four?) lift hills. Basically, you plunge through darkness and past monitors showing green vector images of a bird of prey. If you’re a fan of the 1980s video game “Vortex,” this is the ride for you. And it’s a fun, if strange, experience.

The park’s dark rides are an eccentric lot, too. Silbermine is sort of like Pirates of the Caribbean, only with Mexican revolutionaries instead of buccaneers. Geister-Riskcha is a strange, haunted journey through Chinese myth (I think). And with it’s Peter Pan-style suspended gondolas, Gondelbahn 1001 Nacht explores the world of the Arabian nights. But, for my money, Hollywood Tour, a boat ride that’s a cheap knockoff of Disney’s Great Movie Ride in Florida, tops them all—it’s a hoot.

Mystery Castle (an indoor Frog Hopper on steroids), River Quest (a cool raft ride set in an old castle), and Talocan (a heavily themed Top Spin) aren’t to be missed, either.

And the ice cream is great, and it has a Roman vampire bat as a mascot. What more do you need?

There is only one way to kill a giant rock vampire--impale it with coaster track. More to come.

This is the part where hundreds of deadly snakes dart out try to bite the riders' ankles. (Actually, I made that up, but it would be kind of cool.)

You know the caption "NERDS!" springs to mind here. But who is the bigger nerd--the nerds who take pictures of the coaster, or the nerd who takes a picture of the nerds taking pictures of the coaster?

Yes, Black Mamba loops before it strikes!

Good morning, Steve! How's that ibuprophen working for you? Are Miles and Ron propping you up?

Yes, nothing like a little B&M fun to wake you up, right gents? Yes, everyone needs a good BM in the morning.

Line jumpers will be impaled.

My God! Mamba fused those animal bones into the wall. How's that for "forces"?

First up, Black Mamba, which I found to be quite forceful enough, thank you.

"How much longer must I endure your idiocy?"

Angus! Let me go! It's time for ERT.

"Heh! I just totally farted." Spain won, by the way.

Oh, in here. I was hoping for can-can dancers. Oh, well . . .

Er, where's the game?

Germany was taking on Spain in the Euro Cup Finals that night, and hotel guests could watch the match on a big screen in the park's saloon.

The drunks at night from the Dragon Bar's terrace.

The park at night from the Dragon Bar's terrace.

Works for me.

Larry always goes for the bunk beds. Don't ask me why.

You know, this is almost too classy for me, being as I'm staying at an Econo Lodge tomorrow night. But I'll take it.

The Disney hotels have nothing on this joint.

Welcome to the Hotel Ling Bao.

Name your poison--fear or force?

Lasso the little girl! Win a kewpie doll! Still more to come.

Here's the park's Wild West section in broad daylight.

Hah! I have it! The owner of Mystery Castle is a sexually frustrated mad scientist who is preoccupied with premature ejaculation!

Sorry--Mystery Castle is actually owned by a sweet little old lady who collects Beanie Babies and listens to Wayne Newton albums. But thanks for playing.

Balls? Lightning? What could it all mean?

Yes, the preoccupation with spherical and cylindrical objects is quite telling.

Hmm--interesting. Latent hostility toward the rest of humanity is clear, for this person's home is one, enormous obscene gesture. This hostility could be traced to frustration over some perceived "shortcoming."

And now, it's time for "You Be the Shrink!" The fun game where you attempt to describe a person's psyche simply by examining his or her home! Today, we look at the enigmatic resident of "Mystery Castle."

Larry stayed pretty dry, so he decided to hose down random strangers.

Yes, I have gone beyond the realm of "dampness."

Melanie seems sad, too, although Rich seems to like his rides wet.

Team Larry rode it twice. The first time, everyone but Larry got soaked, which makes Dave very sad.

Hmm--does this mean that a pirate with a headache can or cannot ride?

I rather liked this ride, despite the lack of true "rapids."

You know, vampires seem to be a recurring theme in this chapter. Check out the "bat boats" on River Quest.

Yes, I have no idea what the hell this thing is supposed to be. But Piers and Elissa seem to like it.

You can get good views of Winjas from this bizarre "balloon" ride.

Yes, you'll have to go to Hanno's thread for better shots.

It's tough to get good pictures of Winjas on the move.

"I've captured my own flatulence and turned into this cool lamp."

Hmm--I wonder if the grizzled old prospector realizes that he's riding with a vampire?

"No pictures, please! I'm not wearing my shades, so I don't look near cool enough."

The whole ride is contained in this cavernous building (along with a bunch of other stuff).

Yes, Winjas--the ride that gives spinning mice a very good name.

Yes, Phantasialand--where the Wild West met Michael Jackson and fled in absolute terror!

The ride that bears a terrible curse! One more set of photos left.

. . . Talocan!

Best stop to pray at this little shrine before riding . . .

Hi, Erik!

No, you've never seen an animatronic dude astride a cannon before.

This looks like no scene in any classic Disney attraction. No sir, no resemblance at all.

"I say, Cyril. Ripping sport, this cock fighting."

"At Carnitas Express, our food is so good, the pigs go to slaughter with big smiles on their faces!"

"Hey--you promised me pole dancing!"

And now, a trip south of the border, Phantasialand style--Silbermine.

And get a load of the special referee!

There will be no outside interference--not even from a dragon!

And the followers of the Father of All Lies are totally ready for some hot action!

Yes, the Gates of Hell have opened up for this match!

And the conflict continues, wrestling fans! Hoffman runs for her life as Bitner chases her through the queue of Geister-Rikscha.

Hmm--amazing how close the American West is to China.

"Hmm--if I climb high enough, Michael Jackson won't find me!"

"The Micahel Jackson Limited, with stops at Neverland Ranch, Detroit, Yemen, and Dubai, now arriving, Track 2!"

"I don't want to work! I just want to bang on the drum . . . wait a minute! Bangin' on the drum all day is my work! Dammit!"

And now, a real "Thriller!" Yeah, it's bad! It's bad! It's really, really bad--in the good way! Just queue up if you wanna be startin' . . . Shaddup!

One last look at Phantasialand.

And now, a scene from the beloved classic "King King vs. PT-109," starring Cliff Robertson as JFK and George Barrows as the guy in a monkey suit.

"Hi there! I'm a tarantula! I really had Leo J. Carroll over a barrel when I took to the hills!"

Tonight, on Shark TV, the "stunt shark" from "Jaws" gives us the behind-the-scenes scoop! Was Bruce the Shark really a salmon in a trick suit?

Hooray for mutant, moth-eaten Hollywood!

Here it is! With taillights! Sorry--got nothin' here.

And now, Temple of the Night Hawk.

"I'm sorry about the drooling, folks, but that bratwurst just smells so good!"

Oh, that's gonna bring on some heartburn! Poor snake!

What? A snake uses Vogel Rok as part of its digestive system?

Hmm--I wonder what a snake's guts look like?

. . . and down a snake's gullet?

Ah, a nice relaxing ride over a beautiful garden . . .

And are you two "monitoring-needy"? Yes, I dare say you are.

No swinging like monkeys!

OK, young gentlemen! Before we explore the world of the Arabian Nights, we must read the safety instructions.

Oops! Hit "submit" instead of "preview." Here are a few last shots.

. . . Rich! Thanks for reading so far--but the trip's not over yet.

Let's not forget the Warrior Vampire Bat. But perhaps the most frightening of all was . . .

Aghh! TPR members! Eating!

What kid wouldn't want to hug Scary Rock Dude?

And we saw a bunch of mutant freaks! She looks like a refugee from a "Hellraiser" flick.

We rode this state-of-the-art monorail.

So, what else happened at Phantasialand? Well, a huge bird mistook me for one of its hatchlings.

Man that is one flattering photo of me. Great Job Chuck keep it up.

Mmmm...Phantasialand. What I wouldn't give to be back at Hotel Ling Bao right now as opposed to being here at home getting ready for bed so I can attend some SUPER LAME training class at work in the morning.

I really want to go to Phantasialand one day! I looks so amazing!

Great PTR so far Chuck. I want to see who wins, Melanie or Kristie.

Chapter 11: The Napa Valley Needs to Try This--Tripsdrill

OK, here's the point where I stopped taking notes while I was in Europe. I guess I was too busy enjoying myself to bother with documentation. So, my memory may be a bit fuzzy on a lot of points.

Oh, well--these writeups are more of an academic exercise, anyway. Nobody reads them, right? They just go right to the pictures. So, if I were to write that Tripsdrill is overrun with psychotic beavers and muskrats with laser eyes, eight-inch fangs, and ravor-sharp whipping tales, no one would notice. Yes, if I were to claim that Tripsdrill was actually a brothel full of vampire hookers who use second-tier Hanna-Barbara characters (like Captain Caveman or Muttley) as their zombie slaves, no one would raise an eyebrow.

But I would never do that, of course.

Tripsdrill is a winery and a theme park rolled into one. In fact, if looks like the owner (or owners) of Tripsdrill had downed a cask or two of their own product, then started designing attractions. How else can you explain:

1. Wobbly-wheeled bicycles;

2. A flume ride with bathtub boats and naked women; and

3. Well, all kinds of random crap?

That being said, Tripsdrill is also a beautiful park and a fun place to wile away a day--with one really good coaster and two average ones:

G'sengte Sau--I've ridden two of the Gerstlauer Bobsled coasters (the other was Aqua Wind at Lagunasia in Japan). Both are great, and after some reflection, I think I like Tripsdrill's the best of the two, but not by much. There's a fair amount of airtime, and I like how the coaster zips around the building it shares with the flume ride.

Mammut--This woodie was a bit of a disappointment. From a distance, it looks like it should be great, but it's really kind of pokey and shuffles rather badly at times (but there is a nice bit with a tunnel)--and what's with that funky little drop just before the lifthill? Not a bad ride, but just OK.

Rasender TausendfuBler--A decent family coaster that gets really low to the ground.

So, Tripsdrill is sort of the Busch Gardens of Europe. Except instead of beer, they make wine. OK, so it's really nothing like Busch Gardens. Let's look around, shall we?

"Merry Christmas from the Bitners--and their pet Larry!" More to come from Tripsdrill.

This is the best part.

But the ride is just "meh."

Nice trains, too.

It's one of the best features of the ride, actually.

The station is themed to look like a workshop.

Now that's morning wood--Mammut.

I deem this ride clock-worthy! (Yes, that's a clock made from an old coaster wheel.)

I really like this bit when you zip around the garden (even if the laterals did cause Jeff to give me a "bionic elbow" to the head).

One's enjoyment of this ride is inversely proportional to the grip one must keep on a video camera.

There they go, zipping around the Bathtub Flume of Naked Women!

I love this ride's setting.

Looks like Tripsdrill has a hit here.

My--that's a steep one.

This is a lifthill. This is the only technical term you will read in this portion of my TR.

"Tell me about it, dude! They're even lettin' some random guy run the coaster today. God, what a mess he's gonna make! And guess who has to clean it up."

"Wha'? I'm hungover and we're openin' the ride early? My day sucks already!"

The queue winds through a stable.

First up--G'sengte Sau. And if you can pronounce it, you're a much more cunning linguist than I am (but bear in mind that I'm not a linguist).

You know, if Gallo built something like Tripsdrill near their wineries, Modesto, Turlock, and Livingston, California could become tourist hotspots. (Well, that might be a stretch, actually.)

The park has a beautiful setting.

Here we are at Tripsdrill--and Hanno is ready for action.

More Trippin' at Tripsdrill.

Sorry--that sucked.

"OK, what sort of action can I get for 20 euros? Work with me here!"

That's all for now.

You know, downing a few casks of Tripsdrill wine might make it a lot easier to ride these bikes.

These "trackless" electric go-karts are fun--and Big Mike Approved.

So, what else is there at Tripsdrill? Well, you can enjoy a soothing butt massage.

Hmm--the woman looks like she's checking out some guy's butt, or something.

You know, Larry really looks like he's enjoying himself a bit too much here. But if it gives him pleasure, what the hell.

So does Jon. But Larry looks like he needs to find a . . .

But it's a fun ride. Melanie and Rich seem to like it.

Yes, nothing says "raging river adventure" quite like a basket of dirty clothes.

Tubs seem to be a bid deal at Tripsdrill. Their rapids ride is themed to a laundry--the hell?

"Hey, I got a great idea! Let's drag a heavy cooler over a wobbly suspension bridge!"

This is as close as I came to taking a picture of the naked women, folks. I don't risk my camera on water rides.

Here's an odd bit of themeing in the flume's queue. The ride is themed to a "fountain of youth," so DaVinci is painting an "old maid" version of the Mona Lisa?

You, maybe those bathtub boats make sense after all--how about providing towels, too?

"Oh, I am so gonna snag me that ham!"

. . . comes with a giant smoked ham and sausages!

And here's the strange drop ride, whose secret I dare not reveal! OK, what the hell. This ride . . .

As I said before, Tripsdrill is a beautiful little place. Here's a sort of "mini" Spalsh Battle ride.

Wow Chuck! That is a ghastly picture of me on this page! I can see the viewers at home either backing away from their screens in shock and fear, or showing their friends and making drag queen remarks. I'm really sorry everyone! Chuck, please find a way to redeem me!

^I think I have some better shots of you, Melanie. That one isn't among the best, but, hey, I used it in a noble cause--to set up a toilet joke involving Larry.

There are (and were) better ones.

Just getting caught up with your TR Chuck, awesome as always. The old prospector and the vampire comment and pic had me in tears of laughter!

Wow Chuck! That is a ghastly picture of me on this page! I can see the viewers at home either backing away from their screens in shock and fear, or showing their friends and making drag queen remarks. I'm really sorry everyone! Chuck, please find a way to redeem me!

Mel, it's really not all that bad, at least you have a cute bathing suit on.