Stitch Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 These were taken from my Greatest Journal .... I talked to Nicci tonight after a couple of days of not hearing from her. I could tell something was bothering her because she just wasn't the same. She has been under a lot of stress and is getting very scared about me coming down to live with her. I am so scared that she doesn't love me anymore and it is killing me inside. She had to go because she has to get up early and when I said I love you she didn't say it right back but eventually did. I will be so destroyed if I loose her, I love her so much ..... Last night I was feeling horrible, I had to take my nerve pill Clonazempam to calm me down so I could go to sleep. I woke up today because I heard the phone ringing, it was Nicci ... I was so happy to hear her voice. She still wants to break up with me, she says that we are too different and it wouldn't work. This is killing me, everything we have done together, everything I know and all of my love is just meaningless. All of my feelings were for lies .... I can't explain how painful this is to me, to know that all of your love, everything you know is a lie. She told me she loved me, she said she wants to be with ... we made love ... and now it is all turning out to be lies. I can respect Nicci for wanting to end this now, so I don't move down and then find this out but finding out the person you love with all of your heart and you think feels the same about you, really doesn't ... well needless to say it is the worst pain I have ever had. She said she wanted me, she said she loved me, why did she say these things, why did she make love to me if she didn't really love me. I really feel like she is going to leave me and it is killing me, everything I have been, loved and worked for these past months are now meaningless. I can't believe she is doing this to me .... Nicci and I have broken up ... *This is not from my journal* I am really depressed right now, I just want to throw up ... I don't hate Nicci for this and I still care about her but this is just devastating me. I want to let my TPR family know this happened because I really need some support right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dandaman Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Awwwwww I can't honestly say I know what you're going through... but, I'm really sorry that this happened. "Meaningless love"... I believe there is no such thing. I have confidence that, even though she thinks it wouldn't work out, she will always remember you. Again, really sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stitch Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 I know that we were in love and I didn't really mean, meaningless ... I am just very depressed right now. Thanks for the concern - Eric Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AllisonY2K Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 I'm so sorry sweetheart. I know how much she meant to you and how you were looking forward to moving to be with her. If you need to talk just send me a PM, k? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SharkTums Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Don't say meaningless...everything happens for a reason, and as much as it hurts now, someday it won't. Let us know if there's anything we can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stitch Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 Thank you everyone for the kind words, I don't regret the time I spent with Nicci and I will remember it for the good that it was. I just feel so lost now, I had my life finally going in a direction and now I am back to square one. Now I am back to just being the high school drop out at home ... at least my new medication is helping me out with my mental illness. Sigh, my poor mind ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zburns999 Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Sorry to hear it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dandaman Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 everything happens for a reason You need your own "Lost" flashback. Let us know if there's anything we can do. Agreed. Whatever you need, just PM us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stitch Posted October 17, 2005 Author Share Posted October 17, 2005 I am going to miss being with Nicci, but I need to remember that this is for the best. Everything just seems so hopeless now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smells_like_team_disney Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 Hang in there, Stitch. The best thing for you to do right now is to dive into other aspects of your life. Focus on work, school, spending more time with friends and family. With time, the pain will ease . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebl Posted October 17, 2005 Share Posted October 17, 2005 It's always sad to hear of the end of a relationship. I got the same thing from my wife just over two years ago. We're still together---barely, but it'll probably end at some point. We've been together over 20 years and it'll be hard to make the adjustment. Unfortunately, our daughter is the one who's gonna take the real hit. My thoughts are with ya. Eric Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddymonster Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 She still wants to break up with me, she says that we are too different and it wouldn't work. My dear Stitch...I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but as Elissa said, everything happens for a reason. If it is any consolation...opposites attract, not push away. Give her some time and space. In the meanwhile, take some time to think things through, but most importantly, don't do anything you will regret out of desperation or anger. Hope to see ya in chat so we can talk about this...If you're up to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stitch Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 I am sorry to hear that Eric, it is very hard to end a relationship ... it's by far the most painful thing that has ever happened to me - Eric Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coasterfreak101 Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I am really sorry to hear this . From talking to you in chat, or in any other form of conversation, you seem like a great person! You'll always remember Nicci, and she'll remember you. If you need anything, PM me, I can *try* to help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nrthwnd Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Hey kiddo - you got support, lots of it, thru here. You can PM me any time, ok? And anybody else here, ok? Sorry to hear it Emotional hurts are buggers to heal. It'll happen, but the time might be a bit well, you know. Awful. Crappy. Take a long breath in. Exhale it slowly and let yourself ride it out feeling your insides riding part of it. Sit in a good chair for this, lol. Take care of yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonOfBeastSucks Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I know everybody else has said it, and you don't know me, but everybody comes to me to talk about stuff like this, so feel free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Real Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I dont really believe in the "being in love" or even "Falling in love" concepts. Love is an action, not an aura. You either choose to love someone, or not. It doesnt just "magically" happen and it doesnt just "suddenly" stop. Its a decision you make, conscious or not. Hang in there. I wont use any cliche terms like "more fish in the sea" and such because I know if I ever lose my girl I will be beyond devestated. More fish? Yes. Ones I could love as much as I love this one? No. My girlfriend used to think we were too different. We had a time that wasnt very stable and there was a degree of "whats going to happen" but we stuck with it and through it we learned that 2 people who are very different, but understand how to use that to grow and mature together provide one of the best relationships out there. Everyone is different and no two people I believe can coexist with each other and never fight or find differences. Its all about how you choose to grow from those differences. Because of my girl Ive learned alot because Ive allowed myself too, same for her. I find most people are just too closed off to that concept, she could be one of those. If anything, try to come out of this a better person. More mature and look for any lessons to be learned. Maximize the outcome and dont be depressed any longer than you have too. I did that for 2 years, 2 years I wish I had back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stitch Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 Thanks everyone for the caring words, I am trying my best to deal with this but it is not easy because I have my mental illnesses. This is such a difficult thing to deal with and as you said Real, "More fish? Yes. Ones I could love as much as I love this one? No. " I am not interested in any other fish, I was happy with mine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Real Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I am not interested in any other fish, I was happy with mine I didnt say or think you would. It was more of trying to avoid the stupid cliche that many people get pitched these days. At least you show you had commitment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stitch Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 I knew what you meant Real, I think you just misunderstood me, or I made it unclear what I meant. *Sigh* She gave me the ambition and drive to make something of myself and now it's gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zankara Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I'm so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wes Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Spend a couple weeks sulking around, listening to super-emo music, watching sad movies ("Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" is a good one) but then force yourself to go out and meet other people. If you spend your time moping around, you won't get out of the mood you are in. Even if you don't want to, try to go out and have fun. Start some sort of new hobby that takes your mind off of it. It's really easy to be defeatist about stuff like this, but it's better to try to overcome that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParkTrips Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 Wes had a good idea, just try to keep on going on with life. Try not to concentrate on it. before I was with the Great Adventure employee, I was with this one girl who left me for my best friend. That was killer and I was out of it for a month but once I got over it and accepted it things went back to normal and I was even able to be cool with my best friend and all (having him dump her didn't hurt either). What Im saying is to not dwell on it or you could live a very sad life for a while. While not trying to dwell on it, don't ignore it either. Look back and see what you could have done to make it better. Sometimes you may find things, other times there's nothing that could have been done, but if something is there to be learned don't ignore it! - Joe, who hopes there is at least one bit of decent advice in there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stitch Posted October 18, 2005 Author Share Posted October 18, 2005 I am feeling a bit more stable but I still have a long road ahead of me. I really want to thank everyone for their support, I am alone all day and my only social interaction is you all, so it really helped me. I must say that anyone who thinks emotional pain doesn't exist needs to be in my shoes, they will know how much it hurts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hattuchili Posted October 18, 2005 Share Posted October 18, 2005 I am so sorry, Eric. What can I say? I know how you feel! I had a bad experience in 2004, too! I left my perfect apartment, to live with my girlfriend Andrea in her little nice apartment! She said she love me and want to live with me in her apartment. Then one evening, I came home earlier! Do you know what happened? Yes, I found her with another guy in our bed! That really broke my heart. I was so shocked. I had a little present for her in my hand, which felt on the floor after I saw that! I was out of control and I kicked the guy out of the apartment! Then I jumped in my car and drove away, far away. I had bad feelings to kill myself, but a good friend helped me! I found a bed at his home, for a few days and then he helped me to transport my stuff to a new apartment! After that I was never the same, again! I lived in her apartment for 3 month and then that! I have no idea how long that happened with her and the guy. This is the first time, since a long time I told that someone. However, that was my bad story. I hope you will finde a way to handle that. I know it is hard, but there will be a time you´ll feel better and maybe finde a new and better one! --Sören Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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