Meteornotes

^Yeah, have to agree. That is amazing that you didn't catch all sorts of NJ diseases. Cool pics. Looks like you guys had lots of fun. I haven't been to the shore in a very long time, but Morey's was always a fun place to spend the day. dt

Hotel booked! dt

I do think it's a bit much to expect kids coming to the US for a summer to work at a park for less than minimum wage to be able to bring their own furniture. Or buy it. The conditions of those apartments are, um, not good. I'd lay the blame on both CF and the outsourcing company. And I fully suspect that KI would have done nothing about this had the news report not aired. And I also suspect that if local news stations looked into these practices at other parks, they'd find similar stories. dt

What an amazing scam. I'm not shocked by any of this, though. CF is taking advantage of cheap labor that they can treat worse than their US employees, since they can threaten the internationals with deportation. And I'd love to konw where the extra money the kids are paying for the apartments is going... dt

The only thing this park needs to add is a larger exit so it's easier to escape the place. I'm sure they'll run this ride up to their usual standards, like one boat dispatched every five minutes or so. Woo. dt

I have returned from the trip, as I did not do the Disney portion. I had an awesome time, and miss Europe already. I'll start posting my photos next week, so prepare thyselves for Dave Goes To Europe with Special Guest: ICE BAT! dt

Knowing where the park is, and thinking that those in charge may have spent at least five minutes in the area before building it, I ama amazed at the lack of shade and water rides. This is quite the error on their part, and is something that really needs to be corrected quickly. I like the idea of this place, and think that they have a good start. But it also seems like it's unfinished. I think they're going to have a hard time surviving without installing a "must see" attraction or two. dt

This needs to be quoted because it totally sums up the situation. They've been collecting museum fund money for about ten years now (anyone know exactly when it started?). To date, zero progress. Yeah, it's so going to happen... dt

I'm amazed this didn't make the national news. dt

^See, replace the name "Lois" with "Chirs", and you pretty much have a TPR Trip Biography all written. Just toss in a line about tiaras, and a "FIRE HOT" and you're done! I'm so doing this from now on. Thank you, Delaware Women's College! And remember, only the luckiest girls in the house got to wacth the Baby Drawer... dt

Excellent report. You are very brave for attempting some of those attractions. I loved the pictures of all the non-park stuff too. Thanks for posting! dt

Again, I appreciate all the comments. Glad I can entertain you all with my random nonsense. And dollywoodgal, I have no idea if you were working that day or not, but the Thunderhead crew was exceptionally good. You guys rock! Sadly, we have come to the end of this PTR. It's now time for Part Four - Random Stuff In Pigeon Forge!!! Our evening after Dollywood was spent watching shows on The Discovery Channel, and looking at the 1934 Delaware Women's College Yearbook (an awesome Thrift Store find by Falafel). This thing was a riot, and more importantly, inspired me to change my bio writing skills I sometimes employ for the TPR trip guides. So people on future trips, you REALLY want to write your own bio, or you'll really be getting an "interesting" one now! Perhaps Falafel can quote one of the bios from the yearbook here so you can see what you're in for. We slept in a little on Sunday, as this day was kind of an "open" day, as we really had nothing planned. We kind of left it open in case Saturday had bad weather, so we'd potentially have some time to get to Dollywood before having to drive back to Nashville. But since we had perfect weather on Saturday, this gave us a chance to just do random stuff in Pigeon Forge. So you know what this means...MORE MINI-GOLF! Yes indeed, many rounds were played, along with some other stuff, including an amazing surprise attraction. As you'll soon see... Anyway, enough of my yammering, let's go to the visuals! dt But other than that, it was an amazing trip. And I have to thank Liz (yes, I can occasionally call her by her correct name!) for being an awesome travel partner and overall the most amazing person ever. Hopefully she can set aside some time in her busy schedule to do something like this again soon (we're supposed to go to a more local park next time, but that stays a secret - for now!). And thus concludes our adventures in TN and our visit to Dollywood. Thanks for viewing! May your days be free of giant carnivorous bee attacks! Until next time... So after a long drive back to Nashville, we get to the airport to discover our return flight is delayed. We ended up getting back a lot later than we thought, and by the time I drove Falafel home and then drove back to my house, it was 3:30 AM. Falafle and I agree - this is an amazing attraction! Not quite Dinosaur (which she has never been on, and one of my life goals is to go to WDW with her so we can experience it together), but an amazing display of cheezy goodness. This indeed was the perfect way to end the trip before we had to drive back to Nashville. Thanks for entertaining us in such an amazing fashion, Pigeon Forge! Light, light, dinosaur It spits on you! Wow, what an amazingly original idea. Oh wait... Red makes it scarier. Or this particular color was on sale at WalMart that week. i'm going with the latter... Gluargh! Another dinosaur attack! And this also concludes my imitation of dinosaur noises. This place did have some great sound effects, like what sounded like a guy eating potato chips. Who knew the dinosaurs enjoyed the Pringles? Glarragh! Another random dinosaur! Yarragh! Random dinosaur! This amazing display of awesomeness when the doors open tell you that you're in for a godly experience. All of ten dollars may have been spent on the effects here. Except we were not finished! As we had been driving around, we had seen the Jurassic Jungle Boat Ride place a couple of times, and since we still had some time, we figured it might be the perfect way to end the weekend. And oh, we were not disappointed! One last shark shot! Adventure Golf is EXACTLY what we were looking for in a mini-golf course, and it had the perfect amount of cheese in a roadside attraction, and was a perfect way to cap off our weekend in TN. So at most mini-golf places, if you get a hole in one at #18, you get a free game. Here, if you miss the hole in one, the dinosaur eats a random member of your party. The stain here shows this to be true. Dinosaur at the front ...and the other half! Of course we had to play both courses, there was too much awesome stuff here for us to skip any of it! Looking back over one half the place... Another pink building that Falafel just loves. i'm so buying her a pink set of tools for Christmas. Along with a wide selection of Microsoft-themed t-shirts, because she adores Windows so much... Busted ship Duck! More hot shark action! So this is one of those holes where you have to hit the ball from one level to the other. But my ball disappears. It got stuck at the beginning of the tube. I use this photo to illustrate that only I am capable of doing something this dumb. Bigger than the Disneyland castle... "Look Falafel, it's pink! You must love it because you're a girl!" Another dinosaur. This place gets better and better... Through the tentacle! Falafel can't stay away, and is soon caught in the clutches of the octopus. Who has apparently already eaten one of her legs. So anyway, there's an octopus, and you have to shoot the ball through one of his tentacles to get to the hole. Oh, Falafel and I are so turned on right now... Speaking of sharks, Mr. Bitey says, "Hey guys, I don't care if you leave me in the car all day today. I have porn!" They also have a shark! This place is going to rule! So when we were driving around when we first got there on Friday, at one point Falafel said, "Oooohhh, I see a golf course with a dinosaur! And an octopus!" This of course meant we HAD to stop there at some point. So we saved it for last, as there is no better way to end a trip than with Adventure Golf! So after Firehouse Golf, we noticed a store across the parking lot that had lunch boxes in the window. We investigated, and found the most random store ever. They had all sorts of odd stuff, including this giant Silver Surfer in the middle of the place. I really only mention this because Falafel bought this awesome belt, and we were waited on by the surliest person we had seen in three days. I'm not sure what happened to this woman that morning, but she was super-agitated. Maybe she needs more beef jerky. Or a cool physical... This is Falafel. She has balls. Feel free to make up your own jokes. FROG! Nice enough place, but most of the holes were straight shots. Nicely landscaped as well. See?!? Lots of cartoonish characters involved in all sorts of wacky misadventures! Next up, Firehouse Golf. We saw this when we were driving around town, and decided to check it out. Pretty nice place, if not particularly challenging. Some how we skipped this attraction too. Maybe next time. We'll have to bring more money, as I'm sure we'll want to sample every type and variety. Lunch time! Falafel had never been to a Sonic (they don't have them in our area), so we ate here, and both had tasty chicken nuggets. I also dumped ice all over the place. I really should not be let out of my house... We chose not to stop here. And really, what the hell is a "cool" physical anyway? Gloves kept in the freezer? I really don't want to know... So Falafel, sea monsters, bears, giant lizards...yeah, that pretty much sums up my fantasy. Well named place! Not the most amazing mini-golf ever, but it was worth a stop. And we had fun, which is the most important thing. Well, that and I didn't die by falling off anything. That's kind of important too. Don't worry, if I had fallen off something and died, I'm sure Falafel would have photographed it for all of you... Since Falafel is a proper girl, she made sure that her golf ball matched her shoes. I'm thirsty, maybe I'll just drink some of this wa...oh wait. Guess not...Seriously, why would you even try to do this?!? People amaze me with their dumbness. Though fish that shoot lightning from their eyes would also stop this from happening. And it would be more entertaining than a sign. But probably more expensive, which is why I'm guessing they went with the whole sign option... BEAR! Who apparently has mange or something. This was a pretty typical mini-golf place, with the usual course layouts and stuff. We played both courses here, mainly because we had time to kill. And because we love mini-golf. As Falafel exclaimed at one point during the proceedings, "Can we play mini-golf all day and be entertained? I think so!' And she is correct! If only it breathed fire or occasionally ate passing cars... He is pretty awesome looking, though. One of the nicer mini-golf monsters I've seen. Hmm, guess that's not going to happen. Fantasy Denied Golf, more like! First up in our travels is Fantasy Golf. Hey, check out that Sea Serpent. I can't wait to climb up there and take a picture!

Congrats Jimmy! dt

Again, thanks for all the comments. I have no idea if my nonsense ever amuses anyone but me, so they are appreciated. So after a slight delay (I had to go to Kaiser this morning for all sorts of torment), it's time for Part 3 - Dollywood! So the day was finally upon us where we'd be doing the main thing we came here for. We skipped the HIE free breakfast, figuring we could get something to eat at the park (and we were right!). The park was about two miles from the hotel, so in no time at all we were at the park. It was scheduled to open at 9, but when we got there around 8:30 (ALWAYS get to a park before it opens!), the gates were already open. I was already impressed! Now, over the years, I have heard a lot about this place, most of it positive. So let me say this right up front to save you all the suspense as to whether or not I liked the place: Other than perhaps Knoebel's, Dollywood is likely the best park in the US. Yes, we absolutely loved it. Everything about this place is amazing. It's well themed, exceptionally clean, and there's a lot of shade (except in the new path area, which I'm sure will grow in at some point). All of the attractions are of good quality, and there are a large number of shows and things for people to do if they're not into rides (we didn't see any shows, as neither of us are particularly country music fans, plus I'd personally rather set myself on fire than watch a show or parade at a park, unless it involves explosions and strippers). The park was busy (but not horribly so), but everything from the rides to food service is exceptionally efficient. And speaking of the food, it is amazing, comes in insanely large quantities, and is very reasonably priced. And maybe it's the theme of the place, but the crowd seems to skew a little bit older than the average park crowd, so we witnessed no line jumping or other obnoxious behavior all day. And I'm making a separate paragraph for this, because I really want to emphasize this point: the staff at Dollywood are far and away the nicest, most polite, and hardest working of ANY park in the US. That's right, Golden Ticket Award voters, just because you get ERT or free food doesn't mean you should ignore this park over your usual favorites, because you are completely wrong in not awarding this place every year. I'm not sure if it's the general attitude of the people in the area, or that the park tends to employ older people than your average theme park, but we were constantly blown away all day long at how nice everyone was. And hard working. Outside of Japanese parks, I've never seen people work so hard to make sure the guests are having a good time, or making sure the lines keep moving, especially at food service places. Oh, and a good number of them are very amusing. I especially have to point out the woman that was operating Thunderhead that evening, who was very funny on the microphone in the station. I have no idea what her name was, but she was awesome. Since this is a coaster site, I'm sure you're all anticipating my review of the coasters (well, I'm sure your actually anticipating my shutting up and starting to post pictures, just so you don't have to read any more of my annoying yammering. Soon, I promise). So, in no particular order, here they are: Thunderhead - I've heard a lot about this ride, but really wasn't sure what to expect, as my tastes often skew very differently than other people (BALDER RULES!). But I'm here to tell you that this thing ran like a bat out of hell on our first ride..AT 9 AM IN THE MORNING. We were both blown away. This is a great coaster, a ton of fun with lots of speed and direction changes, and air at the front. I'm sure it will end up in my Top Ten in the coaster poll later this year, though with two Intamin wood coasters to ride at some point, I'm not sure where. But yes, this coaster is amazing, and we loved every ride we took on it. Tennessee Tornado - OK, here's the question: How does Dollywood have an Arrow looper that is fun, and doesn't beat the hell out of you?!? I have no idea, but this ride rocked. I was very apprehensive when we got on it, but it ended up being amazing. Another quality ride. Mystery Mine - I've been on a number of these at this point, though obviously this version was a lot more themed than any of the other ones. I'm sort of ambivalent about this ride. It's certainly well themed and there is fire. On the other hand, the first half is really a headbanger and kind of rough (I found the second half to be a lot smoother). It's fun, but I wasn't blown away by it. Blazing Fury - WTF?!? Seriously, this is like the most random thing ever. And we got soaked (we sat in the front). So screwed up, you can't help but love it. Or at least like it a lot. We only rode it once, though. We also rode all the water rides, which were all quite fun, especially the new River Battle. And those who were not there missed my falling over Falafel and almost killing myself getting into that boat ride that's at the top of the mountain in the park (that was an exhausting walk up there!). Overall, we had an amazingly fun day of riding, eating, and checking out all sorts of shops and crafts and stuff. We spent the whole day there, and were bummed when we had to go home. We hope to make it back to the park again, maybe next year. I highly recommend Dollywood, especially if you've never been there. It really is a great place. OK, enough of my yammering, let's go to the visuals (which will mostly be Falafel's pics, as the battery in my new camera has about zero life, which I found out when it died half way through the day...grrr)! dt And we're sorry we left you in the car all day, Mr. Bitey! We did have plans to do an awesome report featuring Mr. Bitey, but were lazy and never went back to the car because we were having too much fun. Next time...and this concludes Part 3. Stay tuned for Part Four covering our final day, and one of the most awesome attractions in history! Thanks for viewing! Bye Dollywood! Thaks for the awesome day! Falafel is heartbroken because she has to turn in her new love. I asked her that if she was in a lifeboat, and could only save me or the QBot, which would she choose? She chose QBot, because "you'd probably just fall out of the lifeboat anyway". This shows that she hates me, and yet knows me all too well... There, that should stop everyone... And Thunderhead! You know, i should probably watermark these, so none of you steals one of these pictures and claims it as your own... More Mystery Mine Clever Detective says, "I believe this one is not finished yet". Gee, Falafel, you could build one of these, if only you were a Lady Carpenter... They build these things here, and you can buy them. And even more! Who deliveres more randomness than me?!? Yes, that's right, no one! And more! More random stuff Shovels! Yeah, this is kind of disturbing on a couple of levels... And yeah, I lied about the food, because we both got ice cream before we got on the train. And it was awesome! More parks should offer homemade ice cream, instead of crap you can buy at the store. Another shot of the train. Steam engines rule. The train ride was way cool, even though we were surrounded by babies. Badass faucet. So this is what we had for lunch. This is a seriously disturbing amount of food. It was damn tasty, though, and these were probably the best chicken strips I've ever had. Neither of us ate anything until the next day after this, though. Water! I only post these because I know it will make her happy, and perhaps she will sort of like me for upwards of one minute... Falafel was endlessly amused by this. Wow, nice parking job. Sadly, I see far scarier things done with cars here in Baltimore all the time. More random stuff. This place is really nice. Coming next year: a ride based around Mothera. You heard it here first!!! BWWWWAAAAAAHHHHHH! The Disk-O! I believe this is now my favorite flat ride, replacing The Chaos (which you never see any more anyway). Falafel and I agree that I need one of these in my back yard. Along with a gator pit and laser cannon, of course. MySpace! OK, if you're not getting this "MySpace" reference, you need to go watch The Hipster Olympics on YouTube. Not until you've finished viewing this PTR and have written and posted a minimum 5,000 word tribute to its awesomeness, of course. So yeah, no rocking the seat. Unless of course you hear The Final Countdown being played. Then there is no way on Earth you cannot help but rock... Scenery! Swings! We rode the Ferris Wheel, because you don't see regular ones very often, plus it totally reminded us of Japan, where there is a giant ferris wheel on every block. Awwww, there's an entrance just for Joey! What?!? We can BUY Splinters?!? I am in awe. Actually, the roasted corn we bought here was not all that great. It was blazing hot, though. "No Falafel, I doubt we'll get that wet on River Battle. It's just streams of water." Yes, I am dumb... You will get quite the serious workout on this ride, as cranking that wheel to soak people outside the ride requires a lot of effort. New for this year: River Battle! This is a great deal of fun. You get a little misted at this point. I personally would install water cannons here that would blast people with the force of a fire hose. And shoot bees at them. This is probably one of the many reasons why I'm not allowed to own a park... Tower fall down Timber Tower. I liked this one better than the one I rode in France, though I think it was because I already knew that it wasn't going to be particularly forceful, so I wasn't as disappointed by the ride. The second half is a lot more fun. Speed at Oakwood smokes it, though. A fun ride, but I wasn't blown away, as the first part is kind of rough. The Mine Of Mystery! Not to be confused with the Bag Of Mystery, which always contains all the awesome Elissa Bingo Prizes. Falafel & I went shopping for the Europe Trip prizes, and trust me, we have outdone ourselves. Europe trip participants should be excited... So we're hanging out in the station, and...HOLY CRAP! THERE'S A TRAIN RIPPING THROUGH THE PLACE!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES...oh wait, it's supposed to do that. Nevermind... Thunderhead! It rocks! Falafel took this pic to show me what she called "the nicest women's room in history". So now I share it with the rest of you. Random fountain Dolly's tour bus. It looks like a normal tour bus, but has a lot of hidden storage areas and weapons lockers which Dolly uses in her secret life of fighting zombies and keeping the apocalypse at bay. After breakfast, we picked up Falafel's new best friend, the QBot. Seriously, this thing rocked. I had never used one before, and am now a huge fan. We waited in no lines the entire day, and at eight dollars a person, this was easily the bargain of the trip. Here Falafel shows that yes, her Giant Scary Bun Of Death is indeed about the same size as a human head. And it was damn tasty too! So since we skipped the free hotel breakfast, Falafel decided that she wanted to check out the bakery at the front of the park. This is what she got. The display case was full of equally gigantic and good-looking pastries. Just inside, and you can already see this place is really, really nice. Clever Detective says, "I believe we are at Dollywood!" Clever Detective - Coming soon to DaveTV. Check with your local cable or satellite provider for more info. Or just keep an eye on a new website that will hopefully be launched soon... Some cars are protected by Viper, but ours is Shark protected!

^Best. Picture. Ever. dt

Hmm--sounds like MST3K to me, but I can't place which episode. It is indeed a MST3K quote! Chuck wins a cookie. You can collect during the Europe trip whenever you see one. Or just steal one from Lou. dt

This is all kinds of awesome. dt

^^I am in awe. dt

There's a fire and a UFO in the area...coincidence?!? I THINK NOT!!! This bears further investigation. Or at least more random and amusing photos... dt

hanks for the comments so far. They are appreciated. Don't worry, there will be more references to carnivorous bees and other awesome stuff as the report goes on. And people that are intrigued by shark-related puppet shows really need to pay attention to our nonsense. That's all I'm saying...for now. OK, time for Part 2 - Random Fun In Gatlinburg!!! So after conquering Ober Gatlinburg, we decided to walk into town and check out some stuff. Falafel had done some research on two different mini-golf places that looked interesting, and one of them was not far from our current location. While walking there, we spotted a chairlift, and decided that we had to ride it on the way back to the car (we both are chairlift enthusiasts). Hmm, maybe we should make an organization, American Chairlift Enthusiasts (ACE). We could charge people money for an outdated magazine, hold overpiced conventions, have buffets with cannons that would shoot gravy at you while you're riding chairlifts during ECT (Exclusive Chairlift Time) and collect money for a Chairlift Museum that we really, seriously, oh so honestly swear we're going to build someday. In Ohio. Since Ohio is filled with mountains and all. But I digress... Anyway, the evening was filled with mini-golf, a chairlift ride, nature, and some surprises, which I'll get to below. We had a really good time in Gatlinburg, and we would like to go back there some time and spend more time in the Smokey Mountains National Park. Anyway, enough of my yammering, let's go to the visuals! And before retiring for the night, it's time for some awesome cuisine! Thus concludes Part Two of our amazing adventures! Up next: our day at Dollywood. Thanks for viewing, and while waiting for Part Three tomorrow, why not enjoy some tasty cheese? I personally am going to be enjoying an ambien in a few minutes, but that's just me... It's The Miracle Theater! We didn't see this, but since the bible has all sorts of stories about Jesus loving the show tunes, I'm sure it's awesome entertainment. Especially if it includes the part where Jesus fights the penguins, which is often ignored by biblical scholars... And what is this glowing building?!? Back to Pigeon Forge, for our first night at the awesome Holiday Inn Express. Had to make a couple of stops first. You know you're in a quality area when this is the sort of vehicle you park next to at Walgreen's. "About that time, the Duke boys had killed just about everyone in Hazzard county" - If you know where this is from, I will buy you a cookie (NOTE: said cookie can only be redeemed on a TPR trip that I am also on. Good luck!) Just down the road a bit is Cooter's, which we had to stop at so Falafel could buy some gifts. I will admit, when I first heard the word "cooter" this was not what I was hoping for... Overall, Hillbilly Golf was fun, but it seemed like the designers ran out of ideas about Hole #16 or so, as it pretty much became "hit the ball in a straight line" at that point. Still, it's worth a visit, because again...FUNICULAR!!! Through the wagon! Seriously, if you just added a milkshake machine to this place, it would really look like Joe's neighborhood. I include this photo to illustrate the fact that Falafel shot THE GREATEST GAME OF MINI-GOLF I HAVE EVER WITNESSED. Seriously, I think she got at least six holes in one, and in general just smoked me the whole time. I bow to you, oh awesomegirl. A hole based around some sort of dangerous farm equipment?!? It's like the designer speaks to my soul. It would be better if it was running and occasionally chased kids around the place, of course. Which totally sounds like something you'd see at Tokyo Train Station. Only with more fire and carnivorous bees riding on the backs of rabid badgers carrying flame throwers. Falafel is somewhat concerned as to whether or not I'll obey the sign, but she has nothing to worry about. Unless she starts professing her previously unrevealed love of American Idol... What?!? Really?!? Well, OK, then. I guess any club weilding maniac will be totally put off by these signs. Another multi-level hole that you get to shoot through a tree. And more stairs for me to fall on. Mini-golf rules! Not as well themed as the last place, but still pretty cool, with some challenging multi-level holes. So we drove down the road a bit to our next destination - Hillbilly Golf! This was another place Falafel had found on the internet before our departure, and it looked like it would be fun. Plus, you get to ride a Funicular up the hill to the course, so that pretty much makes this place kick ass already. Cool little creek area near where we parked out car. MySpace! Back down the hill for further adventures. One of the most stunning and amazing views ever. Oh, and the smokies are kind of impressive too... We managed to survive the groundhog-induced carnage, and took a photo to celebrate. This photo was taken moments before he fired up his laser eyes and layed waste to the place. Laser-beamed eyed groundhogs are just not to be trusted... OK, this is one of the many reasons why Falafel is the most amazing woman ever. We spot the groundhog dude here, and she immediately launches into "The Groundhog Song". Since she made it up at that exact moment, there's no way that she would be able to recreate it ever, but trust me, it was godly. I really need to carry a video camera with us at all times to capture moments like this. We could market a DVD series of The Adventures Of Dave & Falafel. It would kick the ass of the Time/Life Super '70's Explosion thing they're always selling on late night TV. And would likely feature more explosions... Falafel is most excited to be hanging out up here. There's a gift shop at the top (complete with knives), and an area to check out the scenic view. Again, lots of cool scenery at the top of these places. Random chairlift time! The last couple of holes were themed around the old Gatlinburg jail. This was the theme for the last hole. The ultimate penalty, I suppose... Another random shot of the place PENALTY! Seriously, she knocked her ball about three holes down. I was amused. Of course, I almost killed myself about a billion times walking up and down stairs, so she had plenty of opportunity to laugh at my misfortune. Falafel lines up a shot More random stuff on and around the course. Falafel and I love mini-golf. She can hardly contain her excitement. And she always wears awesome t-shirts too! So we decided to play another course while we were here. The place had two courses up on the hill, and we chose to do the more "fun" one. Besides being the normal mini-golf fun, each hole also had a plaque that told you a little history of the Gatlinburg area. So it was educational. And themed pretty nicely, as you can see here. Falafel approves of the shark-themed hole. Overall, this wasn't the greatest mini-golf course ever, but it was a fun gimmick for a nine hole course. Oh yes! The last hole requires you to shoot the ball into the shark's mouth. This is so awesome. I once knew a girl with a similar tattoo Octupus. Between being in my presence and this, Falafel was soooooo turned on. Trust me. She even thought about revoking her restraining order against me for almost a minute. Eel that really looks like he's wearing a fish as a hat. Perhaps he's making a fasion statement. And that statement would likely be, "I'm drunk most of the time". Mermaid. She has boobs. That's all that matters. Seriously, this place had better security than most banks. You had to go buy a token, then take the token over to another building, and then put the toekn in a machine, and walk through a rotating gate. This was almost more than the two of us could figure out. But at least they're likely keeping the secrets of their black light mini-golf out of the hands of random spies. OK, so first up was a mini-golf place that Falafel had found on the internet. It promised Black Light Golf, which according to the site is "the future of mini-golf". I'm not sure if it is indeed the future, since this technology is only slightly younger than Jeff Johnson, but it was still fun. Once we figured out how to get into the place. And this was our fine rental vehicle for the weekend (well, not this one exactly, but a google images approximation). We both found the name "Vibe" funny, and kept applying the word "anal" to the front of it, as it made it funnier. This is the sort of game you can play at home if you like. You have our permission. OK, first I have to take care of some business that should have been covered in the last part. First, a shout out to my GPS, which Falafel dubbed "Squawky", since it yells at you when you don't follow it's directions. Seriously, it says "recalculating" in such an annoyed manner, you'd swear we were related! It rules.

Before we begin, let's review the Dave's Rules Of Engagement For His PTRs: - I like to write, earn a living from it, and think more people should read. So there will likely be more words than you are used to. Think of it as an educational opportunity. - I will likely say something that will confuse and/or offend you during this report, unless the same random crap that rattles around inside my head all day long as does it in yours. In the immortal words of Tom Servo, "deal with it, pink boy!". Anyway, I apologize in advance. - I suck at taking pictures. However, Falafel is quite good at it. So if you see a good picture in this report, Falafel took it. If the picture looks like it was taken by a sea monkey full of crack, then it's mine. Anyway...let's begin! So Falafel (aka My Partner In Crime) and I spent much of the winter discussing taking some trips to parks. Most of these are local, but we decided that we'd like to take an extended trip, as it would give us more time to be idiots together (trust me, nothing entertains us more. As she has said "nothing cracks up Dave & Falafel like Dave & Falafel!"). We wanted to go somewhere that neither of us had ever been before, and we settled on Dollywood. This is a park that I have wanted to visit for quite some time, so I was cool with this. We decided to make a long weekend out of it, and check out some of the other stuff in the area. For a time, I wasn't sure that this was going to happen, as Falafel has a social schedule that rivals many global leaders, and I spend much of my time visiting doctors in an attempt to be able to see properly again. But we finally were able to do this the last weekend of May. So after getting up really early, meeting at the Baltimore airport, and enjoy a breakfast of champoins (Auntie Anne's soft pretzels), we flew down to Nashville. We drove from there to the Dollywood area, amusing each other with random stories and spotting of odd roadside attractions. Oh, and breakfast at Cracker Barrel, which TN seems to be full of. Hours later, we arrived in Gatlinburg, which is an interesting town. It's a lot nicer than I thought it would be, and is full of all sorts of tourist traps, many of which have the name "Ripley's" attached to them. The area is also full of sword and knife stores, which endlessly fascinated me (seriously, how many places do you need to buy swords from?!?). Our main objective was Ober Gatlinburg and the alpine slide, but we found some other cool stuff to do. Anyway, enough of my yammering, let's go to the visuals! Returning to the bottom, where we will head for out next adventure! But what will it be?!? Well, you'll have to stay tuned for the next update, which will happen later tonight, as I have to head out to assist someone at a book signing, which should hopefully involve alcohol at some point. Thanks for viewing! Going back down the mountain. We pretty much just did the alpine slide, got some drinks, and moved on. More scenery Wait, we can be eaten by bears?!? Why the hell are we riding the alpine slide?!? Honestly, the slide is not all that great. It was fun, but I doubt I'd go up here again. This whole place is kind of strange, with a bunch of odd attractions that don't seem to go together, like live bears and ice skating. Though bears with chainsaws ice skating and chasing kids would be kind of cool. Why use nature when you can use a machine? (yes, this is one of those things that will make no sense to anyone. Just move along to the next one, i say). We totally thought about buying this house, since we could put up random signs to delight and confuse people riding past. Or put on shark-related puppet shows for them on the deck. We're always thinking of ways to entertain America! Some random houses in the mountains Falafel fulfills the fantasy of all the "part of the window in the photo" enthusiasts out there with this picture. You can thank her by sending me money. I promise to use some of it to buy her chicken nuggets or something. Seriously, I really will... That crisis averted, let's return to the scenic views already in progress... Here's Falafel enjoying the ride up to the top of the mountain, and...HOLY CRAP, THAT CRAZY OLD WOMAN IS GOING TO SHOVE HER FINGER INTO YOUR EAR!!! RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!!! To get to the alpine slide, you need to take the cable car to the top. This gives you lots of great views of the Smokey mountains and other cool scenery. After a long drive and breakfast at Cracker Barrel, we have arrived at our first stop: Ober Galtinburg! Falafel is excited to be here! Actually, she's just happy to get out of the car and not hasve to listen to my pointless yammering for a few minutes... Second place was the Gold Plated Hard Drive. Because your gigs of spam emails and goat porn cannot be housed in anything shabby like a regular hard drive... And the winner is...a clock that tells you the day of the week! Yeah, this says a lot about our society. Sadly. So what to do on the plane?!? Why look through the Sky Mall magazine, of course! And not only look through it, but play my favorite airplane game, "Find The Absolute Dumbest Thing In The Sky Mall Magazine". Which can be challenging, as it's full of useless crap. Southwest to Nashville. I haven't been on Southwest in awhile, and the new line up policy is about a billion times better than the old one. Seat assignments would still be better, though. Crappy pic that Falafel took showing what ungodly hour she had to get out of bed. But she was meeting up with me, so that should have made it better, right? Right?!? Yeah, I'm amazed she showed up too...

Boo to this. The TDL Tiki Room was awesome. dt

Great update! Makes me sad that my schedule did not work out to go to the filming. I'll have to try and get out there to ride it. dt

The ride actually has forces and is exciting, so of course it doesn't fit into the profile of Dorney or any CF park. I'm with Joe on this one... dt

Thunderhead at Dollywood. And it is godly. dt