Wedding Gifts (or lack of)

[Sue]

OK, this has really been bugging me. Has anyone ever heard of or experienced people going to weddings and giving absolutely no gift(not even a card)? We have about 5 people who did that at our wedding and it really annoys me. I would never even think of going to a wedding a not giving a gift. I e-mailed these people to ask and to make sure we didn't lose anything ourselves. A couple said they're sending something(though I don't know when since it was a month ago) and others didn't answer at all. I don't think a card is asking too much.

 

I'm seriously thinking of sending these people thank you notes with a big "FOR NOTHING" on the inside. I know gifts technically aren't required, but I think it's wrong when people spend a lot of money to have you there and someone can't even give a card at the least.

 

We got 2 other "interesting" presents. One was a set of matching tie-dyed Coaster Zombie t-shirts. For one, neither one of us would ever wear tye-dye(no offense to anyone that does) and, secondly, we don't even belong to Coaster Zombies. The other was a gift card to Dunkin Donuts--neither one of us eat donuts or drink coffee.

 

I just had to vent....

 

Sue

[mcjaco]

I only had one guest not bring a gift. He also didn't RSVP until the day before the wedding......

 

We we're more upset about the "no shows" We had two or three couples that bailed out at the last minute (they all had ordered the most expensive dinner too). One was legit, the other we knew was going to blow us off. Why bother saying you're going to come???? Silliness.

 

The rest of us had a blast and, that's all that matters.

[disneygurlz2s]

Here's the thing..... a wedding invite is NOT supposed to be an request for a gift. Bottom line.

 

I understand your feelings, and to be honest, I think there were one or two people who did not give us a gift, or who gave us a crappy gift. Actually, I got several crappy gifts. However, I have been on the other side of that as well. There have been times when, financially, I just could not afford a gift or had some other reason why I didn't give the couple something at the exact time of their wedding. I felt bad, but I don't know that any of the people held it against me, or anything.

 

While I appreciate the fact that you didn't want to have "overlooked" any gifts, I think your emailing those people might have been considered inappropriate, and I sure as heck hope you are kidding about the thank you notes.

 

Shari

[BeemerBoy]

^ I think she said it best. But I'll add this.....not giving a gift is understandable. Not even giving a card would be downright pathetic. When it comes down to it, weddings are really about everyone but the bride and groom. I mean, the principle characters plan the event for everyone else's enjoyment first and foremost, right? If couples weren't interested in the guests' enjoyment, then everyone would be skipping the hassle, and we'd see a ton of courthouse marriages. If you attend someone's wedding, there's no reason why you shouldn't at least give a card as a sign of appreciation for being invited.

 

Scott "my 2 cents" B.

[Sue]

Not giving a card is my biggest gripe. If they had at least given a card, I wouldn't have had to e-mail or ask them. That way I would at least know nothing got lost on our end.

 

Sue

[DerekRx]

It would be one thing to show up to a wedding and not give a gift, but if you show up to the reception, eat the food, drink the alcohol, enjoy the entertainment, I'm sorry, but you're a bum. Sue, from what I'm told, your wedding went above and beyond, and for those people who didn't give any gift at all, I think you have every right to be pissed at them. Sure, maybe it wasn't YOU shelling out the cash for the day, but someone in your family paid good money for these free-loaders to come, get free park admission, parking, food, and ERT. I'm with you on emailing them, you don't know, maybe you lost them or something! Just remember these people if you ever decide to renew your vows. Damn enthusiasses.

 

If anyone gave me an ACE shirt or any tie dyed shirt for my wedding, I'd personally beat them down and let them use the shirt to clean off the blood.

[SharkTums]

Sue,

 

I also see where you're coming from. We had two couples and one single person at our wedding NOT give us anything. Again, you can't say anything, but it is pretty lame. No card, no nothing! We understood that this was a 'destination' wedding, but all of these people either travelled from within Florida, were going to be in Florida, or were very important in the wedding!

 

As for the no show...yeah 12 hours before the wedding we had a family of four cancel...that was over a $600 cost right there! LAME!

 

Don't let it get to you too much...I'm sure you had an awesome wedding and a cool new dude!

[Wes]

If anyone gave me an ACE shirt or any tie dyed shirt for my wedding, I'd personally beat them down and let them use the shirt to clean off the blood.

 

Please invite me to your wedding to Nicole. I know exactly what I'm getting you.

[CoasterFanatic]

We got 2 other "interesting" presents. One was a set of matching tie-dyed Coaster Zombie t-shirts.

 

Was Mr. Marks at your wedding?

[TheStig]

I officially own a wedding present from the Alveys!

 

Colin C

[Sue]

We got 2 other "interesting" presents. One was a set of matching tie-dyed Coaster Zombie t-shirts.

 

Was Mr. Marks at your wedding?

 

Actually, no, it wasn't Sam. I would hope Sam would at least know that we don't belong to CZ so WTF would we need club t-shirts for. For those who know, the shirts were from the Maxwells. They always wear them themselves so I guess they thought we wanted to be their twins or something.

 

Thanks to Todd Long, we know exactly what we're doing with them.

 

Sue

[CoasterFanatic]

I can only imagine what kind of twisted ideas Todd came up with.

 

Please tell me that it involves PPP.

[ParkTrips]

I'd be more ticked about no-shows than anything.

 

I always bring gifts but don't really do it out of obligation or anything. In other words, I think you have a right to be upset. I don't know, I haven't been married yet (though my dad has damn near perfected the procedure - except the keeping the wife part )

[PhishyBrewer]

The last wedding I was at I must of, and along with everyone else, eaten and drank about $300+ worth of stuff. I would of felt SO bad of I didn't get them a wedding gift.

 

Just a fraction of what I drank that night. We had a 5 course meal and each course had a different wine.

[BelizeIt]

I'm curious Sue, was this the first marriage for you and your husband? I ask, because I've heard of people (usually relatives) who may feel obligated to attend your second marriage, but they didn't feel the same need to give you another wedding gift the "second" time around.

 

Obviously, the majority of people who don't support a couples martial vows usually won't attend altogether, but there are exceptions.

 

It's sort of like a bride who's parents may have helped pay for the first wedding, but may not be willing to provide any financial support for her second one.

[Sue]

I'm curious Sue, was this the first marriage for you and your husband?

 

It was my first, but his second. Not many people know that he was married before though. I don't think any of the people who gave nothing knew that.

 

Sue

[Sue]

Sue, from what I'm told, your wedding went above and beyond, and for those people who didn't give any gift at all, I think you have every right to be pissed at them.

 

And Rich even sang "Disco Inferno" for all the guests. I know Adam especially enjoyed that.

 

Sue

[DerekRx]

^Well, maybe that was the problem. Those people COULD have brought a gift, and upon Rich's vocals, taken them back in an attempt to exchange them for singing lessons for him and ear plugs for you.

[FlyerACE1]

Sue, from what I'm told, your wedding went above and beyond, and for those people who didn't give any gift at all, I think you have every right to be pissed at them.

 

And Rich even sang "Disco Inferno" for all the guests. I know Adam especially enjoyed that.

 

Sue

 

And one of the funniest wedding moments EVER! I have to say, Rich really impressed me the very first time he stepped up to the mic and gave his stirring rendition at Tom's EastCoaster party. To do the same at his very own wedding, no less, just floored me.

 

As for the gift thing, I won't comment much since I have a wedding coming up as well. I will say, however, that I personally would NEVER consider not giving a gift at a wedding no matter where it was held and who it was for. I always consider an invite to any wedding an honor. I remember a few years back, my cousin Al Dukes (ex-producer for the Ron & Fez radio show) was telling Ron & Fez on air that he was giving $30 as a gift to another cousin's wedding I was also going to. Needless to say, they slammed him good and even my mother called the show saying that it would be an embarrassment and she would help him out. Made for some great radio, but I digress. Not everyone is in the same financial situation so you should give what you can but to not give *anything* is what I would consider rude. One would also assume that as an enthusiast, you have a fair amount of money in order to travel. Skipping one trip in order to give a little token of appreciation wouldn't have been too much to ask for.

 

By the way, I have some photos of Sue & Rich's wonderful day right here:

 

Check them out!