cfc

Let's hike around Heide a bit more. Back in 2008, this was a rather drab looking collection of flats nicknamed “Huss Land.” The Aztec theming looks much better. The Aztec motif works well for Colossos, too. The jungle theming is so good, you now need a machete to hack your way through the queue. Friendly, jowly George Clooney shows you the way. Yes, even as mighty as it is, . . . . . . Colossos must still fight its way through the jungle. It’s a bit bumpy now, but I think it’s still the best coaster at Heide. Here’s another improvement for which I am grateful. The old queue was a series of switchbacks that were set at a ridiculously steep angle. This is much better. “You maniacs! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!” Thanks to the current state of the U.S. Congress, I think a pizza-and-pasta buffet would be a better use of our Capitol building. The new kids’ area themed to “How to Train Your Dragon” looks pretty nice. I wish I could say the same for the ride. I have some blurry photos of the indoor section, but even if they were good, there isn't much to look at--unless you like mostly static statues, mist, a video projection, and a camouflage net that's hiding an obvious empty spot. OK, it has fire. That’s encouraging. Hmm--maybe a bit too much fire. “Hey, want to ride again? No waiting! Wait--where are you going? I get so lonely.” Well, at least it has some honest-to-god Vikings. As I said earlier, the new area does look nice. I’m sure it’ll improve as time goes by. You can still see the track for the riverboat and the slab where Lady Liberty used to be--before the rise of the “Planet of the Apes.” The park's monorail is still running. Krake is the coolest-looking coaster at Heide. Oh, yeah--Desert Race. Almost forgot about that one. I guess it's in the "Land of the Forgotten," although I wouldn't swear to this. But first things first. “Cherokee people! Cherokee tribe!” Sarah and Dan were deeply moved by the dignity and perserverance of America's indigenous people. I think Will Smith is trying to franchise these joints. Wisdom of the Old West: Never stand under a buzzard. Here’s one of the older, “less corporate” sections of the park. They still have this giant slide tower, but I think they removed a number of other slides. KT approved. Desert Rita is still fun. There’s a cool desert-themed “driving school” for kids, too. Good night, Krake. I hope the Immodium helps you get a good night’s sleep. Farewell, Flug der Damonen. Watch out for angry villagers with pitchforks and garlic. Goodbye, Colossos. You’re a little bumpy now, but we still like you. Aw, aren’t you the most adorable harbingers of the Apocalypse ever? That’s all for Heide--Hansa Park awaits!

Chapter 3 “Bleah,” “Arrr,” “Yeehaw,” and “Huh? I Forgot?”--Heide Park Heide Park has changed since my last visit with TPR in 2008. That was in the days before it became part of Merlin, and the park seemed a bit more eccentric than it is today. Back then, the park's theming came across as a bit random; for example, the lake in the middle of park sported its own Statue of Liberty and a stern-wheel “steamboat” ride. Well, the boat is gone, as is half of Lady Liberty. It also once had a log ride with Old West gold-mine theming that reminded me a bit of Knott’s Berry Farm. Don't look for this ride at Heide, as it's not there anymore; however, they do have another log flume. The park used to be into redundancy before Merlin came along. But Merlin has made the park’s theming a bit more coherent, if not all that immersive. Heide now boasts four sections themed to pirates, Transylvania, the Wild Wild West, and what translates to “Land of the Forgotten” (a lost civilization with an Aztec flavor). Some of this is well done, such at the Land of the Forgotten and Wild Wild West (which is a holdover from the pre-Merlin days). But theming in Transylavania and the pirate section is a bit spotty. For instance, the park’s Dive Coaster, Krake, boasts a very cool pirate ship being pulled apart by a gruesome sea monster that would give Capt. Jack Sparrow nightmares. But the rest of the area doesn’t seem particularly “piratical." Transylvania’s signature attraction, the B&M Wing Coaster Flug der Damonen, has trains that look like giant vampire bats and a fairly Gothic-looking queue and station. However, the other coasters, a Mack Bobsled and a Vekoma Loop Screw, really don’t fit the whole “Transylvania” theme. Even painting the rides a fiendish green or black, any color other than white, would've helped. Operations are not quite all they could be. Colossos’s crew (the park’s Intamin woodie), in particular, seemed pretty slow. Another puzzling policy had to do with the park’s Express Butler Queue Bot system. They don’t offer it every day; instead, they wait to see what crowds will be like, then decide whether or not to offer it. They didn’t during our day at the park, which seemed strange as the major coasters sported waits of 45 to 60 minutes. It also seemed a bit odd to pass up an obvious revenue stream. That being said, I still enjoyed Heide. Krake was a lot of fun, and I’ve always been a fan of Dive Coasters. I’m not partial to Wing Coasters, but Flug was one of the better ones (even though there was no “keyholing”). Colossos, despite becoming a bit bumpy, is still a great woodie, and Desert Race (a clone of Alton Towers’ Rita) is fun, too. Unfortunately, the park’s new “How to Train Your Dragon” ride is, well, a “work in progress”; that is, it was open, but obviously not ready for prime time. The park’s excellent hotel has changed a bit, too, with rooms themed not only to pirates (as in the past), but also to demons and cowboys. The hotel restaurant is still very good, and there’s a nice bar on the ground floor. There’s also an odd show about a quest to find “artifacts” in different sections of the park. We had no idea what was going on as it was all in German, but one night, the show’s villain was some sort of witch or vampire, and the next night, a pirate. It also featured magicians; acrobats; a curious chorus of guys wearing body suits, bowties, and bowlers (maybe they were channeling Bob Fosse); a hilarious "Indian chief" stereotype played by a white German guy; and lots of video of the park. I didn’t take any photos of the shows, but Kyle has some good ones over in his TR: http://themeparkreview.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1721445#p1721445. All in all, Heide is still enjoyable and fairly "eccentric," but also a bit more "corporate." I’d like to see Merlin loosen up a bit. Welcome to the Heide Park hotel, which has branched out from pirates to cowboys, vampires, and other fantastical type beings. Some hotels have bedbugs. Heide has dragons. Not sure Orkin can spray for these. Mike and I shared a “Wild Wild West” themed room, which I’m pretty sure was once a pirate room. The little “porthole” lights on the bunk beds sort of gave that away. Yep--just like I was out ridin’ the range, roundin’ up them little doggies, sleepin’ under the stars, and listenin’ to the music of my fellow cowboys as they broke wind after a big meal of beans. Coolest shower ever. But I could do without the horse watching me do my “business.” Hmm--not sure this map is entirely accurate. I’ve been to this park twice now, and I’ve yet to use the main entrance. If I were KT, I’d keep a weather eye on that seagull. It does seem to have the drop on her. It was a little damp that morning, but it didn’t last. Besides, damp weather is appropriate for Krake. If there’s anything I like better than a Dive Machine, it’s a well-themed Dive Machine. So, what’s the story here? You’re swallowed by a monster . . . . . . and expelled out its . . . er . . . maybe it’s best not to think about this too much. Yet I keep coming to two inescapable conclusions. 1. Steer clear of the “Spritzwasserzone.” 2. Get Krake a whole truckload of Immodium to help deal with its gastrointestinal issues. “Arr, it be the Piraten Burgers that’s given the beastie the troubles. Some maggot-filled hardtack and a few tankards of rum will set him on an even keel, sez I.” “Pardon me, boy! Is this the Transylvania station?” Everyone who tired to pronounce this ended up sounding like the Swedish Chef. This queue does look like it could be full of vampires--if they’re miner vampires. This is Floog, er, Fludge . . . oh, may as well go full Swedish Chef. Der lift goin’ der oopsy-daisy. Getzen der airtimin’ der flooty-floaty. Floog der twoosty-twisty! From a Merlin Board meeting: “So, we have to make the Bobsled ride fit in ‘Transylvania.’ Any ideas?” “Easily done! Just nail a bat to the entrance sign.” “Presto! Our nice family coaster is now a terrifying trip through, er, terror!” “The old Vekoma Loop Screw is in Transylvania, too. Guess we could put a vampire statue in the station or something.” KT needed this credit; therefore, Elissa wins “Mother of the Year”! Look at that grit and determination! The old riverboat station now looks appropriately Gothic. Too bad it's just "atmosphere." Why not a creepy "haunted-ship" walk through, or something? This sign works on two levels: 1. They do, indeed, serve bratwurst here. 2. It’s near the entrance of the mercifully closed SLC, which would, indeed, be the worst coaster station in the park. More to come.

Well, somebody's gotta break the "Q" logjam. Quicksilver Express--Gilroy Gardens

There is an inevitability about the Golden Horse Spinning Coaster, isn't there? I'm shocked that Shanghai Disney doesn't have one.

^Steak and Parmesan truffle fries? Sold!

^The back row is the best for both Apollo's Chariot and Griffon.

Chiapas is right up there with Splash Mountain at Disney and the Timber Mountain Log Ride at Knott's.

^Thank you, Larry. Plus, Potts Park had its own kitchen magnet.

The Italian Margarita sounds great.

Karnan is a great ride! One of my favorites from TPR's latest Europe trip.

Yay for kitchen magnets! Gotta head out to Lagoon one of these days--for Cannibal, dark rides, BBQ, and magnets.

We'll see. I'd like them to go a little crazy with theming on this ride.

The original version of Howl-o-Scream's "Monster Stomp" show used to be in the Canadian Palladium, too--and the little theater was often crammed full (it eventually moved to the Abbey Stone in Ireland and then to the Globe in England). That space was a bit cramped.

^Probably not.

Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla

And tore down the Canadian Palladium to install the Scrambler. Cannot ever forgive them for that since the Palladium is where I wrote and directed many country shows from 1994-1997. But at least they kept a flat ride, which was popular with kids and families.

It's going to be a big change for New France--which hasn't seen any "big changes" in years (except for when they built the new Trappers Smokehouse).

How about a little InvadR update? There isn't anything "vertical," of course, but the park has been making progress preparing the site in Fort New France, and they've added some new signs to their construction walls. These photos were taken from the train, the path to the LeScoot log flume, and the bridge near Alpengeist. Now, just to make sure we're all on the same page here, it's pronounced "Invad . . . . . . R"! At least the folks on the train emphasize the "R." The "TM" is, I presume, silent. Rounding the bend into the construction zone (not far from the Festhaus). Hmm--looks like something's afoot here. Perhaps, a "footer"? At least that's what I think it is, but this stairway of concrete and rebar could be serving some other purpose. Looking at the site under part of LeScoot, from the train. Lots of signs on the construction walls now. So, you can be a villager, a hot warrior chick . . . . . . or a mascot for a certain football team in Minnesota. Best start girding your loins for war! So, they're being protected from the coaster the Vikings are building? Those Vikings certainly are destructive. Darn those darn ol' Vikings and all their digging! At least they're respecting the Chesapeake Bay Watershed by putting up those erosion barricades. Here's an overhead, through-the-trees" shot of the construction site. The covered area is part of the LeScoot queue. One last look at a bit of concrete-and-rebar work from the Alpengeist bridge. Trappers' Village has a tough defense, but their offense in the "red zone" is questionable. That's all for now.

I like this news. It's good to see more interest in dark rides in parks outside of Disney and Universal.

If you want something "old-fashioned" with a real kick, try Jamestown Island Old Ale from the O'Connor Brewing Co. in Norfolk. This 10.5% brew packs a wallop, and tastes a bit like hard liquor.

C: Cat-Women of the Moon (1953)

The Seven Dwarfs Mine Train is a fun ride in any language.

Potts Blitz--Potts Park (Germany)