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^Yep--Corkscrew is pretty bad, and not the best way to end your day at the park. At least you can say 1) you've ridden it, and 2) you never have to ride it again.

I'd like to ride Jaws at Universal Orlando again, but at least Bruce the Shark is still terrorizing Japan.

^Here's a translation of the story on the park's website. Last time I checked, I still had my soul.

I caught Star Trek Beyond and thought it was reasonably entertaining. The best parts were the more "character-oriented" bits (especially any scenes with McCoy or Scotty). But the movie seemed to be in too much of a rush to get to the big action sequences.

^That was a wise decision. Oddly enough, two coasters at Europa, a much better park, offer VR experiences (and pretty well done ones, too).

^And score all the free cups of ice water you can.

X-Treme Racers--Legoland Billund

^That sounds like a decent idea.

Site moderators and admins create discussion threads for specific parks when warranted. This sometimes happens when a park announces a major new ride or other expansion. This hasn't been the case for Elitch Gardens. I will bring this up with the other moderators, but thread locked for now. Thank you.

I don't have an issue with remakes in general. For example, the best version of The Maltese Falcon was the third one with Humphrey Bogart. If you're against remakes, there's no point is re-staging classic plays, either. I guess it boils down to this: Is the remake warranted? Hollywood did remake Casablanca, but that version (starring David Soul) is rightfully forgotten.

The whole Hollywood Studios section of the park has been a bit problematic from Day 1; it always seemed a bit "half-assed," and TOT (which I like a lot, although not as much as the Florida version) never quite fit in. (A hotel in the middle of a studio?) If that section of the park "goes Marvel," then this conversion makes sense. The concept art looks pretty impressive.

^I disagree. Much of the vitriol did spring from casting the movie with women. It was pretty plain to me, too. I saw the movie, and enjoyed it. I recommend you do the same.

^I think it looked better than an ugly bare slab in the middle of a lake. But, as I said, they did improve the Colossos queue.

I like Verbolten, but Darkmare looks like a step up--much better pacing.

Are "gyrados" some sort of "nachos"?

So many good times--don't you stint in the Colosseo "jail."

Let's hike around Heide a bit more. Back in 2008, this was a rather drab looking collection of flats nicknamed “Huss Land.” The Aztec theming looks much better. The Aztec motif works well for Colossos, too. The jungle theming is so good, you now need a machete to hack your way through the queue. Friendly, jowly George Clooney shows you the way. Yes, even as mighty as it is, . . . . . . Colossos must still fight its way through the jungle. It’s a bit bumpy now, but I think it’s still the best coaster at Heide. Here’s another improvement for which I am grateful. The old queue was a series of switchbacks that were set at a ridiculously steep angle. This is much better. “You maniacs! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!” Thanks to the current state of the U.S. Congress, I think a pizza-and-pasta buffet would be a better use of our Capitol building. The new kids’ area themed to “How to Train Your Dragon” looks pretty nice. I wish I could say the same for the ride. I have some blurry photos of the indoor section, but even if they were good, there isn't much to look at--unless you like mostly static statues, mist, a video projection, and a camouflage net that's hiding an obvious empty spot. OK, it has fire. That’s encouraging. Hmm--maybe a bit too much fire. “Hey, want to ride again? No waiting! Wait--where are you going? I get so lonely.” Well, at least it has some honest-to-god Vikings. As I said earlier, the new area does look nice. I’m sure it’ll improve as time goes by. You can still see the track for the riverboat and the slab where Lady Liberty used to be--before the rise of the “Planet of the Apes.” The park's monorail is still running. Krake is the coolest-looking coaster at Heide. Oh, yeah--Desert Race. Almost forgot about that one. I guess it's in the "Land of the Forgotten," although I wouldn't swear to this. But first things first. “Cherokee people! Cherokee tribe!” Sarah and Dan were deeply moved by the dignity and perserverance of America's indigenous people. I think Will Smith is trying to franchise these joints. Wisdom of the Old West: Never stand under a buzzard. Here’s one of the older, “less corporate” sections of the park. They still have this giant slide tower, but I think they removed a number of other slides. KT approved. Desert Rita is still fun. There’s a cool desert-themed “driving school” for kids, too. Good night, Krake. I hope the Immodium helps you get a good night’s sleep. Farewell, Flug der Damonen. Watch out for angry villagers with pitchforks and garlic. Goodbye, Colossos. You’re a little bumpy now, but we still like you. Aw, aren’t you the most adorable harbingers of the Apocalypse ever? That’s all for Heide--Hansa Park awaits!

Chapter 3 “Bleah,” “Arrr,” “Yeehaw,” and “Huh? I Forgot?”--Heide Park Heide Park has changed since my last visit with TPR in 2008. That was in the days before it became part of Merlin, and the park seemed a bit more eccentric than it is today. Back then, the park's theming came across as a bit random; for example, the lake in the middle of park sported its own Statue of Liberty and a stern-wheel “steamboat” ride. Well, the boat is gone, as is half of Lady Liberty. It also once had a log ride with Old West gold-mine theming that reminded me a bit of Knott’s Berry Farm. Don't look for this ride at Heide, as it's not there anymore; however, they do have another log flume. The park used to be into redundancy before Merlin came along. But Merlin has made the park’s theming a bit more coherent, if not all that immersive. Heide now boasts four sections themed to pirates, Transylvania, the Wild Wild West, and what translates to “Land of the Forgotten” (a lost civilization with an Aztec flavor). Some of this is well done, such at the Land of the Forgotten and Wild Wild West (which is a holdover from the pre-Merlin days). But theming in Transylavania and the pirate section is a bit spotty. For instance, the park’s Dive Coaster, Krake, boasts a very cool pirate ship being pulled apart by a gruesome sea monster that would give Capt. Jack Sparrow nightmares. But the rest of the area doesn’t seem particularly “piratical." Transylvania’s signature attraction, the B&M Wing Coaster Flug der Damonen, has trains that look like giant vampire bats and a fairly Gothic-looking queue and station. However, the other coasters, a Mack Bobsled and a Vekoma Loop Screw, really don’t fit the whole “Transylvania” theme. Even painting the rides a fiendish green or black, any color other than white, would've helped. Operations are not quite all they could be. Colossos’s crew (the park’s Intamin woodie), in particular, seemed pretty slow. Another puzzling policy had to do with the park’s Express Butler Queue Bot system. They don’t offer it every day; instead, they wait to see what crowds will be like, then decide whether or not to offer it. They didn’t during our day at the park, which seemed strange as the major coasters sported waits of 45 to 60 minutes. It also seemed a bit odd to pass up an obvious revenue stream. That being said, I still enjoyed Heide. Krake was a lot of fun, and I’ve always been a fan of Dive Coasters. I’m not partial to Wing Coasters, but Flug was one of the better ones (even though there was no “keyholing”). Colossos, despite becoming a bit bumpy, is still a great woodie, and Desert Race (a clone of Alton Towers’ Rita) is fun, too. Unfortunately, the park’s new “How to Train Your Dragon” ride is, well, a “work in progress”; that is, it was open, but obviously not ready for prime time. The park’s excellent hotel has changed a bit, too, with rooms themed not only to pirates (as in the past), but also to demons and cowboys. The hotel restaurant is still very good, and there’s a nice bar on the ground floor. There’s also an odd show about a quest to find “artifacts” in different sections of the park. We had no idea what was going on as it was all in German, but one night, the show’s villain was some sort of witch or vampire, and the next night, a pirate. It also featured magicians; acrobats; a curious chorus of guys wearing body suits, bowties, and bowlers (maybe they were channeling Bob Fosse); a hilarious "Indian chief" stereotype played by a white German guy; and lots of video of the park. I didn’t take any photos of the shows, but Kyle has some good ones over in his TR: http://themeparkreview.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=1721445#p1721445. All in all, Heide is still enjoyable and fairly "eccentric," but also a bit more "corporate." I’d like to see Merlin loosen up a bit. Welcome to the Heide Park hotel, which has branched out from pirates to cowboys, vampires, and other fantastical type beings. Some hotels have bedbugs. Heide has dragons. Not sure Orkin can spray for these. Mike and I shared a “Wild Wild West” themed room, which I’m pretty sure was once a pirate room. The little “porthole” lights on the bunk beds sort of gave that away. Yep--just like I was out ridin’ the range, roundin’ up them little doggies, sleepin’ under the stars, and listenin’ to the music of my fellow cowboys as they broke wind after a big meal of beans. Coolest shower ever. But I could do without the horse watching me do my “business.” Hmm--not sure this map is entirely accurate. I’ve been to this park twice now, and I’ve yet to use the main entrance. If I were KT, I’d keep a weather eye on that seagull. It does seem to have the drop on her. It was a little damp that morning, but it didn’t last. Besides, damp weather is appropriate for Krake. If there’s anything I like better than a Dive Machine, it’s a well-themed Dive Machine. So, what’s the story here? You’re swallowed by a monster . . . . . . and expelled out its . . . er . . . maybe it’s best not to think about this too much. Yet I keep coming to two inescapable conclusions. 1. Steer clear of the “Spritzwasserzone.” 2. Get Krake a whole truckload of Immodium to help deal with its gastrointestinal issues. “Arr, it be the Piraten Burgers that’s given the beastie the troubles. Some maggot-filled hardtack and a few tankards of rum will set him on an even keel, sez I.” “Pardon me, boy! Is this the Transylvania station?” Everyone who tired to pronounce this ended up sounding like the Swedish Chef. This queue does look like it could be full of vampires--if they’re miner vampires. This is Floog, er, Fludge . . . oh, may as well go full Swedish Chef. Der lift goin’ der oopsy-daisy. Getzen der airtimin’ der flooty-floaty. Floog der twoosty-twisty! From a Merlin Board meeting: “So, we have to make the Bobsled ride fit in ‘Transylvania.’ Any ideas?” “Easily done! Just nail a bat to the entrance sign.” “Presto! Our nice family coaster is now a terrifying trip through, er, terror!” “The old Vekoma Loop Screw is in Transylvania, too. Guess we could put a vampire statue in the station or something.” KT needed this credit; therefore, Elissa wins “Mother of the Year”! Look at that grit and determination! The old riverboat station now looks appropriately Gothic. Too bad it's just "atmosphere." Why not a creepy "haunted-ship" walk through, or something? This sign works on two levels: 1. They do, indeed, serve bratwurst here. 2. It’s near the entrance of the mercifully closed SLC, which would, indeed, be the worst coaster station in the park. More to come.

Well, somebody's gotta break the "Q" logjam. Quicksilver Express--Gilroy Gardens

There is an inevitability about the Golden Horse Spinning Coaster, isn't there? I'm shocked that Shanghai Disney doesn't have one.