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And we must not forget Eurosat's music! Sarah has found her nemesis--the giant frog! That which does not kill you makes you stronger! Arthur is an excellent dark ride. But claim it as a coaster credit, if you must. The queue reminds me of ET at Universal, . . . . . . but this ride is better. Of course, ET didn’t have big furry soul suckers. The ride loads continuously, so the line keeps moving. Eventually you're shot out of the building . . . . . . and over the river. Uh oh! Does Brexit mean that this pub needs to leave Europa? I guess the Brits will have to take their balls with them. “You will kneel before me!” The park was still working on its new Ireland kids area. Believe it or not, they were planning to open two weeks after this photo was taken--and I think they made it! If you look closely at the upper left part of this photo, you'll see some slide parts. They're going to be installed in Ireland's castle tower. Of course we rode the adorable spinning boat ride. Why do I always write “adorable” when I mean terrifying? "Sing it! Sing 'What Does the Fox Say?' just one more damn time! I dare you!" Robin Hood: A Study in Horror! Oops! Mustn’t forget Eurosat. This structure is no way resembles an iconic building at a prominent Florida theme park. This robot admonishes you not to smoke in several different languages, just like C3PO. If you light up, the cyborg terminator will crush you! This is what we rode--only smaller. We had lights-off and lights-on rides on Eurosat--fun stuff. We had some ERT on Wodan, too. Snagging photos over the heads and hands of others. Such is the life of the enthusiast. As part of a guided tour on our second day, we got to see some of the park’s special-event space. The park hosts many different events--including a beauty contest--each year. This is a particularly nice set up. Here’s an old carousel pavilion that’s been repurposed as a bar. There’s a banquet room with an actual carousel. Creepy clowns are optional. Meet Franz Mack, the company’s founder. By the way, he's the statue. There’s a house on the property that was built in the 15th century. Some of the Mack family live there. There’s a bier garten nearby, where the Macks like to hang out when the park closes and watch the guests as they exit the park. All Europa TRs must have at least one photo of this statue. Looks like Gandalf’s wizard buddy Radagast from “The Hobbit” had one too many drags off of Gandalf’s pipe. Hey, let’s check out Euro Mir again . . . damn, a parade! Stupid parades always get in the way. Wait . . . suddenly, this one got a lot better! Agh! Turn for the worse! Let’s get outta here! Objective complete: A picture of Euro Mir taken from an angle that makes it looks like the Joker’s hideout. They project a tour of Europe over your head in here. You can lie down on comfy cushions while you watch. We had a great dinner at the saloon in the park’s campground. “There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend. Those with dynamite, and those who pick up the check. You pick up the check.” I expect to see Lee Van Cleef saunter in here and light a match off of Klaus Kinski’s hunchback any minute now. (That's for all you “For a Few Dollars More” fans out there.) We had to walk to the front of the park and catch the monorail back to our hotel after dinner. The park was closed, but when you ring for the elevator at the station, they send you a monorail. That’s service. Robb mentioned that it was so odd seeing the park after dark, because it closes way before sundown in the summer, when all the guests have left. Looks great. Good night, Europa. Some of us have to catch a flight to Stockholm tomorrow.

Blue Fire has cool theme music, too. Leaving the dinosaurs to their little bitchfest, we went to score some delicious raclette, . . . . . . which we ate in Elissa’s Official Raclette Hut. Just another shot appreciating how beautiful Europa is. Well, while in Switzerland . . . Dear American Theme Parks, . . . . . . this is how you theme a queue for a Bobsled coaster. That’s right, Kings Dominion. You don’t drop it in a “jungle-themed” section and call it “Avalanche.” Even Disney could learn something about theming a Wild Mouse queue from Europa. (By the way, the mouse isn’t braked much at all and is completely crazy.) “God, what a horrible nightmare! I dreamt that my bedroom was in a queue for a Wild Mouse and a bunch of people were gawking at me. . . what the hell?” Moving on to Greece. Here you can see mostly naked statues of muscular people . . . . . . or get really wet. Lots of ways to get wet on Poseidon. You can also get soaked on Atlantica Supersplash in nearby Portugual. Greece is also the home of the park’s shooting dark ride. “Shoot all the fish, or I will kill this turtle!” Aw, that’s much cuter than Holiday Park’s “Basketball Fear,” . . . . . . but not as enticing as a waffle on a stick. In the shadow of mighty Euro Mir is a dark-ride tour of Siberia. Hey, guys! Ready for some really depressing Russian stuff? Even the snowman looks sad. Sorry, little girl. Here you will spend the rest of your short, miserable life. This giant bird is here to conduct you to Hell! And now that classic Russian children’s song, “My Puppy Was Eaten by Wolves, and I’ve Lost All Will to Live.” Maybe some more Euro Mir will cheer us up. Shiny Euro Mir makes everything better! John has found his happy place. Yay! Poffertjes! Garbles, there are no poffertjes in there. Time for German Pirates of the Caribbean. Captain NOT JACK SPARROW urges you to keep you ruddy hands in the boat at all times. “Who needs the redhead, sez I!” “Yo ho, yo ho . . . Belay that song, you swabs, lest we get a broadside from Disney’s lawyers!” “Arr! Our lawyers say that as long as a monkey has the keys, and not some cur, we be home free!” “Aye, we do have a restaurant. But we serves Thai food, not Monte Cristos here!” Who’s up for a celebration of European colonialism? And lady, you might want to keep an eye on your kids. “I don’t want to work! I just want to . . . wait. Banging on the drum all day is my work! Dammit!” Mr. Duck, you might want to be careful. That witch doctor looks a bit shifty. “Yes, this is degrading to an entire continent, but it pays well.” “Boo! Admit it. You were petrified with fear.” I guess hippos and ducks are natural allies in nature. You have to admire the level of detail they put into this ride. Monkeys make anything better . . . . . . as long as they’re not flinging their feces around. “Coastiality” sounds sort of dirty. While I’m not a huge fan of VR, Europa did a good job with it. Another cool thing about Europa is this gem mine. The powered coaster and the log ride both run through it. And it has a robot dragon. A donkey that pukes up gold coins! KT is rich! “I saw you catchin’ them donkey coins, punk! Where’s the money you owe me?” Fortunately for KT, fairy-tale Charles Bronson intervened. Those dudes look like they gotta go really bad. Good think they’re on top of a toilet. “So, it looks like my Ex Lax brownies are a success!” More to come.

Chapter 8 Still the King of Europe--Europa Park Yes, France has Paris Disneyland, Holiday Park has Expedition GeForce, and Phantasialand now has Taron, but, for my money, Europa Park is still the best theme park in Europe--and one of the top ten worldwide. Why is that? First, it’s an excellent resort. The park’s four hotels, Colosseo (Italy), Santa Isabel (Spain), Castillo Alcazar (medieval Spain), and Bell Rock (New England) are beautiful and worth exploring all on their own. Even the resort’s campground is elaborately themed to the Old American West and cooks up very good ribs and burgers in its saloon. This place is worth visiting for the hotels alone. Then there’s the park itself, which was originally built as a showplace for Mack Rides. Europa is themed to the countries of Europe, and the theming here is as elaborate as anything Disney has done this side of Tokyo DisneySea. With its beautiful gardens and architecture, elaborate queues, excellent food, and little surprises around every corner, Europa is a park to explore and discover. The park also offers a huge selection of attractions for all age groups; no one is left out here. I particularly appreciate the wide range of dark rides. The coasters are a varied lot, too. My favorite is still Euro Mir. While this old coaster is a bit clunky toward the end, it’s still a great ride--with the greatest theme music of any coaster ever. I think we all know the tune, right? There were two coasters new to me at Europa. The best was Blue Fire, a launched coaster in the park’s Scandinavia section. While not as forceful as most of Intamin’s launched coasters, Blue Fire is well paced and a lot of fun, as you race over, under, and around towering rock formations. It even saves its best trick for the very end. Then there’s Wodan Timbur Coaster, the park’s huge GCI woodie. The station itself is beautifully themed to the royal halls of Asgard, and I like how the wooden statues lining the track into the station “snap to attention” as the train enters. The ride itself offers some good laterals but, sadly, no airtime to speak of; plus, it’s a bit on the rough side now. However, the whole area surrounding the coaster looks great and, hey, it does have fire. Then there’s the park’s “is it or isn’t it a coaster credit” (it isn’t) ride: Arthur. I guess I’d describe it as a suspended powered coaster/dark ride, which is themed to an animated movie: Arthur and the Invisibles. I haven’t seen the whole flick, but it’s something to do with a young boy who’s transported to some civilization of sprites or fairies or gnomes or something who live under his yard. Naturally, Arthur is some sort of “savior” who has to take out some scary evil dude. I can’t speak for the film’s quality, but the ride is great. The ride system itself is something Disney and Universal should look into using, the show scenes are very well done, and riders are launched in and out of the show building twice. Well done, Mack! I guess I’ve yammered on enough. To the pictures! Note that these photos were taken over three days with both my camera and my phone, so you might notice a few inconsistencies here and there. You have been warned. Our home for three nights was the Bell Rock--a New England-themed hotel in Germany not far from the French border. Well, why not? This fountain show does not require any sort of “Fast Pass.” There are very expensive guest rooms in the lighthouse. So, what about this place, Mack? Well, Europa Park combines “Old World” charm . . . . . . with a touch of naughtiness . . . . . . and some other things you won't find in American theme parks (at least not anymore). First stop, Scandinavia, and not for whale watching. Objective: Blue Fire. Europa loads a lot of detail into their queues. They strive a bit for old Epcot style “edutainment” here. I like how Blue Fire interacts with Wodan. It certainly is a beautiful looking coaster. Smooth as glass and very re-rideable. Wodan can make no claims to “smoothness,” but it does look damn cool. Another good example of Europa’s over-the-top theming: Each boat in its Splash Battle ride has its own individual skipper. Have you started humming the theme music yet? It’s like a continuous “rave” as you head up the internal spiral lift hill. The last section of Euro Mir is absolutely nuts--in the good way! I love eccentric rides like this. My two favorite coasters at Europa are in this shot. Here’s a hint: They’re both blue. The park has a museum with a “Carousel of Progress” about Europa’s history. Worth checking out. We walked out of Russia and headed toward Germany. Fun fact: Europa has an actual river running through it (not an artificial one). The weakest coasters at Europa are the ones that weren’t built my Mack. Case in Point, Silver Star. You’ll like Silver Star’s queue, if you’re a fan of Mercedes-Benz. Looks like it should be at least as good as Nitro at Great Adventure, right? Well, no. They brake it to death and staple the hell out of you with the restraint--even though there’s barely any “floater” air on it. Apollo’s Chariot is better than Silver Star (one of the park’s few bummers). Silver Star does have a cool little play area, though. Just ask John. Time for my favorite “homage” to Disney’s Haunted Mansion: Geisterschloss. This guy yells in German and then spits on you. Top that, Disney's Ghost Host! “Be a good boy and fetch your old grandpa a brew, eh?” How many of you want one of these hanging in your house? There’s a stretching room with a guy who hangs himself--no one has ever done this before! “We’re not grim grinning ghosts/So we’re safe from copyright!” “Hey, Disney! You got a ‘hatbox ghost’? Well, I got some head. I win!” All in all, this is a great haunted-house ride, with just the right touch of gore. “Hello, kiddies! Time for a creepy little canard I call, ‘Bite Me, Disney Lawyers!’” Well, where there’s a “Haunted Mansion,” there must also be an “It’s a Small World,” of sorts. Welcome to Piccolo Mundo. At least this ride has pizza, . . . . . . the promise of interspecies sex, and . . . . . . clown torture. Here’s a ride for those who prefer their dinos without Ellen. Never cross a dinosaur. Looks like science-type stuff. Better call Bill Nye. “I wanted to be a ‘not our dino’ for Disney, but they didn’t like my profile.” “Relax, sweetheart. You’re better off here.” “Disney’s Carnosaurus is such a diva! I could tell you stories, sunshine.” More to come.

Personally, I think Magic Mountain needs a good dark ride; so, "clone" away, I say!

When I first saw this little structure behind Verbolten's show building, I thought it was for the Lumberhacks Howl-o-Scream maze. But after reviewing BGW's blog, I think this is where they're assembling "bents" for InvadR. It's hard to see much from the train.

I rode Goliath for the first time since a TPR trip in 2008 this year and was very happy that this coaster hadn't lost a single step. It's still one of the best steel coasters in Europe and still in the worldwide top ten (at least to me).

There used to be a play/sitting area there next to the train station under LeScoot, too--but they closed it some time ago.

Rest in Peace, Gene Wilder--you were one of the greatest comic actors ever, as . . . Willy Wonka, the Waco Kid, and Frederick Frankenstein (excuse me, "Fronk-en-steen").

I'd forgotten how great and insane it really was.

The craft beer room is quite nice and seems to be a hit with guests. There's a good-sized selection of beers on tap from Virginia breweries (and some from out of state). They sell food, too (pretzels, German meatballs, etc.).

Speaking of InvadR . . . how about another construction update? With a bit of Howl-o-Scream thrown in for good measure? I went over to the park this morning, and they're definitely making progress. Nothing you could call "vertical" construction, but a lot more concrete has been poured, holes dug, and rebar put in place. We're looking at you, Pokemon Go players! Let's start with a train ride. Entering Invadr's war zone. "We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig it's what we like to do." I think this is going to be a "tunnel"--or "shed." But I doubt that it's a "mystery shed" like at Kings Island. Let's take a peek at this footer. Be careful not to impale yourself on the stockade. What's happening over by the train station and the path to LeScoot? Remember to follow the concrete, for it will always lead you to rebar--and glory! And the possibility of more concrete to come. Yep--lots more concrete. I think this is where the queue and station are going to be, but don't quote me on that. I don't have a set of blueprints. It does look like they're putting up a wall, though. Here's a line of "Sonotubes." If I'm interpreting the BGW blog correctly, these are round footers for the run to the lift hill. All I do is follow the concrete. Chains. I guess the invading Vikings are a bit kinky. The stick says something about a "c bent" and "20 feet." More rebar--or perhaps contemporary art. Here's a look at that mess of rebar from a different angle. Meanwhile, over by LeScoot . . . Lots of grading and digging have been going on between the flume and the railroad tracks. Here's a closer look. That's about all for Invadr, so . . . . . . how about a nice light lunch? Sorry, Europe in the Air fans. I imagine there's one or two of you, at least. The ride is all boarded up for Howl-o-Scream's "Unearthed--Scarlett's Revenge" maze. Here's a look at the "Circo Sinistro" site. This maze is replacing "Cutthroat Cove," and will feature "Room Roulette," in which you choose your own way through a room. It's located in Festa Italia. Looks like they're getting "Lumberhacks" ready. Hmm--this could be where they are assembling bents for InvadR. The Verbolten show building is in the background. Vampires will be on the loose in "Bitten" again. This is the oldest maze at Howl-o-Scream. It's in the old Drachen Fire station not far from the Festhaus. I think's there's nothing creepier than ventriloquist dummies. I imagine they'll be part of the new "Sideshow Square" zone, which I assume is in Italy. Hard to believe that Howl-o-Scream is less than a month away. And, hey, Bierfest is just around the corner! Oktoberfest is gearing up. Hmm--speaking of beer, . . . . . . I think this is good time to get one. Thanks for reading.

I was kind of surprised at the general lack of food variety throughout the two parks. Most food carts and snack windows sold exactly the same cookie/popcorn/potato chip selection, and if you wanted something different, tough! I feel like the other Disney parks (Tokyo in particular) really benefit from having a good selection of unique dining options, even if it means they're only available in one location (Gyoza Dog, anyone?). I thought food was one of the most surprising disappointments at Paris Disney, considering we were in France, but it looks like it's improved since 2008.

Evolution Lot #6 Double IPA This is an excellent IPA.

The skeleton key rooms sound intriguing. I haven't been to Scary Farm since 2001, and I'd really like to visit it again someday.

^Thank you. I enjoy doing them, despite the occasional demonic intrusions.

In that past, the park was open only from 7:00 pm to midnight on Fridays during Haunt, and the crowd was small. I think staying open longer is a good idea. Families can do the kid Halloween stuff then.

Who's upset? Mystified and curious, sure, or simply want want wanting, yes. How many years of relative calm before the storm? The detractors of this thread totally misread its tone. Enthusiasts are going to be enthusiastic. There's "enthusiasm," and then there's "obsession." Some enthusiasts cross that line frequently. Constant kvetching only makes the thread unbearable to read and leads to idiotic flame wars. So, to get back on topic, who's looking forward to Haunt?

WTF!!! Sesame Peanut Sauce on noodles! What happened to plain noodles? Who has taken over Elissa's body (and taste buds)? This is a mystery worthy of Sherlock Holmes!

Sigh! Why must this thread always be such a train wreck? Good people, let's try being decent to each other for a change. I'm tired of having to police this thread. Remember that it's all about having fun, not running each other down. Thank you.

^Unlike your average bloodsuckers with wings, leopard mosquitoes will chase you for a long ways, singing their "war song" as they go. Their sting feels like you're getting stuck with a hypodermic needle. I think they're also called Asian tiger mosquitoes. Ha! I'd forgotten about our very slow lift-hill ascent. Fortunately, it wasn't a long-term issue.

That's a tough call.

I just cleaned up this thread a bit. Let's keep the focus on Kings Dominion, not some idiotic troll with an ax to grind. Thank you.

Yeah, they nailed me a few times, too, but they were more interested in you and KT. You might want to stay away from the Assateague Lighthouse on Virginia's Eastern Shore--the leopard mosquitoes there are psychotic!

More from the home of Expedition GeForce. Now, let’s take a moment to appreciate the beauty of nature . . . Christ, a bee! O mighty GeForce . . . slay the bee! There can never be enough pictures of GeForce. I mean, look at all these happy people. We will now take a break from GeForce to show you two Vikings in a convertible. Whither, Burg Falkenstein? Let’s see . . . Torture good. Boobs bad. “Aye, I miss the boobies, I do.” Don’t worry. You can still be slaughtered and eaten by this dragon. We now return to Expedition GeForce, which is already in progress. All is well again . . . . . . even for those poor souls who were sucked into some sort of inter-dimensional vortex. I shall leave you with this warning. Beware the Intamin cable! It may come for you! Quick! Flee to Europa!

Chapter 7 Not to Be Confused with a Park in Indiana--Holiday Park We checked out of Phantasialand’s Hotel Matamba, and even as the bus pointed toward Europa Park, there remained one very important matter; a loose end, if you will. This was the question of the BEST FREAKIN’ STEEL COASTER IN THE WORLD: Holiday Park’s Expedition GeForce! This huge, twisted mass of pure metallic glory is still Intamin’s greatest creation, at least to me. This was my first time riding it since 2008, and it hadn’t lost a single, airtime-filled step. All rides should age this well. But while GeForce still dominates Holiday Park, the place has plenty to offer. The Plopsa chain had assumed control of the park since my last visit and has been giving it more of a family focus. This brought about a few trade offs. For example, the park’s entrance, which as I recall was pretty plain back in 2008, looks much better now, with its fanciful castle gate and European village shopping area. The park’s setting is as pretty as ever, the food is quite good, and Super Wirbel, the Vekoma Loopscrew from the bowels of Satan, is gone--yay! Then there is the case of Burg Falkenstein, the park’s dark-ride tour of medieval depravity. Many of you are probably aware that this ride featured torture, drinking, and sex--complete with bare breasts. Sigh! Those were the days. Well, Plopsa has decided that such goings on aren’t suitable for children; the woman no longer pulls down her dress and flashes the guests. In fact, a lot of the old figures don’t move at all, which is sad for a once very cool ride. But they still have scenes of torture, so we can take solace in that, right? The theming of the park’s newest coaster, Sky Scream, does go against this “family focus” a bit, thanks to some nice surprise horror effects in the queue and even outside the gift shop. As for the ride itself, this Premier launched shuttle is a blast. It seems to have a bit more “snap” than Tempesto, its slightly bigger cousin at Busch Gardens Williamsburg. We had a great ERT/filming session on this ride. The park treated us very well that day, and the evening ERT on GeForce was, of course, amazing. It was a great day at Holiday Park. Plopsa is definitely upgrading Holiday Park’s image. The entrance is a bit “Europa like.” Of course, there is a bit of a problem with Vikings and bees. Both can give you a nasty sting (or a chop, if the Viking has an ax). I really like what Plopsa has done with this part of the park. They even require guests to hose themselves off before entering. This is all well and good, but we know why we’re really here, don’t we? I’m convinced that Intamin had a team of mad scientists in some Transylvanian castle design this monster. “Throw the third switch, Ygor!” “No! Not the third switch!” “Life! Life, do you hear me? Give my creation life! And airtime! And crazy laterals!” Captain America punched out Hitler to free the German people to enjoy GeForce! Yeah, you might say I’m a fan. I like this park’s woodsy setting; John, however, seems to find it distressing. New hotness/Old and busted. Come on, Super Wirbel! Send a train! I need this shot! The theming of Sky Scream doesn’t seem all that “family friendly.” I guess kids love sexy vampires? All kids love Fear Snack. Yummy, tasty Fear Snack. And what kid wouldn’t want to play Basketball Fear and win scary bananas? Fear Bakery makes the scariest brownies anywhere! Kids love scary brownies and creepy cookies! There’s even a Fear Queue. Hello, kiddies! So, unless I miss my guess, the operative word of this attraction is “fear.” I think these people would agree with me. Hey, the hot vampire chick has a sweet ride. Of course, her chauffeur leaves a bit to be desired. This is a bit more interesting than Tempesto’s theming. This is Holiday Park's idea of a New England lighthouse. Well. I like Star Flyers, so it works for me. “Ugh! I ate too much Fear Snack.” “A Viking can never have enough Fear Snack! You might say we snack on fear and dine on death! Oh, have fun, kids!" I rode this. It was a new credit to me. It was painful. Others rode this. Not my thing, but Robb really got it to flip--a lot. More to come.