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Beer + Knoebels = Win I've never visited the Yuengling Brewery before, but I might have to put it on my agenda.

This one. Holy crap, it's good!

Yes, where did the mysterious path past the "Campsite of Carnage" lead us? Perhaps to a disturbing alternate dimension--or a great little coaster. The whole world has gone crazy! Lost Gravity is the only coaster in the world with a DJ in a helicopter and a school bus in an “Express Pass” queue. My first thought upon seeing this mess of track: “This is going to be great or really bad and painful.” It’s like Mack saw the Eurofighter and said, “Challenge accepted, Gerstlauer.” This ride can hold its own with any of a number of other coasters. Just insane fun from beginning to end . . . . . . as you can tell by their expressions. More parks need to build these rides--especially in the US! Even this t shirt is amazed. I wonder how many people needed these after riding? You gotta love Europe. Are you ready for Super Freeze Coke in a bottle? It’s a bit more dangerous than you might think. So dangerous, it’s legal only in the Netherlands! Poffertjes (little Dutch pancakes) are much safer than Super Freeze Coke. As I recall, this kiddie coaster was themed to a stereotyped Chinese dragon back in 2008. This woman seems a bit embarrassed. Perhaps she misses the dragon. One last look at the twisted, wonderful insanity of Lost Gravity. Well done, Mack! You know, you can add all the goofy theming and onboard music that you want . . . . . . but a Boomerang is still a Boomerang. At least it had the new restraints instead of the jaw-breaking OTSRs. This was the first SLC ever built. Why does it not have its own ACE plaque? I’m sure that Moe, Larry, and Curly enjoyed it. I stayed a safe distance away. Whom the Gods would destroy, they first make mad. Yes, the aftereffects of El Condor can be felt as far away as Lost Gravity. I’m sure many people were seeing stars after riding the SLC. Fortunately, the blessing of the Blue Alien Woman saved them. We may as well finish this chapter with Goliath, eh? As I said earlier, Intamin is a company of magnificent bastards. If it weren’t for Expedition GeForce, this would be the best steel coaster in Europe. Fast as greased lightning, . . . . . . airtime filled, . . . . . . and smooth as butter--not to mention better curves than you'll see in most of Amsterdam's Red Light District. I think the guy in the second car is going to toss his poffertjes. Yep--time to "Wab it up." Next up--one of those goofy German “do-it-yourself” parks.

Table of Contents Chapter 1: The Fine Art of Amsterdam and the Wackiness of Walibi--and also of Amsterdam (just scroll, pilgrim) Chapter 2: Meanwhile, on the Way to the Heide Park Abenteuer Hotel . . . Potts Park Chapter 3: “Bleah,” “Arrr,” “Yeehaw,” and “Huh? I Forgot?”--Heide Park Chapter 4: Castles, Curses, and Creative Vision--Hansa Park Chapter 5: The Most All-American Park in Germany--Movie Park Chapter 6: The Wild, the Whimsical, and the Wacky--Phantasialand Chapter 7: Not to Be Confused with a Park in Indiana--Holiday Park Chapter 8: Still the King of Europe--Europa Park Chapter 9: By Day and by Night--Grona Lund Chapter 10: You Know, There's More Here than Wildfire: Kolmarden Chapter 1 The Fine Art of Amsterdam and the Wackiness of Walibi--and also of Amsterdam When I walked from my office to my car after work today, Virginia slapped me in the face. All the heat and humidity seemed even more oppressive than usual. Why? Perhaps because I never had the chance to get used to a Tidewater Virginia summer after spending a bit over two weeks in Europe with TPR, where we experienced but one oppressive day (more on that later). I haven’t been anywhere near Europe since 2009, but it was more than cooler weather that drew me there. Yes, there were a few new credits for me, but that’s not the whole reason. I just love the different vibe of countries like the Netherlands, Germany, and Sweden. Plus, how can you go wrong traveling with TPR anywhere? I met the group in Amsterdam on Saturday, June 18. The jet lag hit me pretty hard that morning, and I was dozing off in the hotel lobby when the TPR bus pulled in around 12:30 pm. I was supposed to visit a few museums and stroll around the central city with Elissa, Kristen, Sarah, Dan, Derek, and John, but I wondered if I was going to be sleep walking most of the day--an American Zombie in Amsterdam. But after a shave and change of shirt, I was ready to set out with the crew for a guided tour of the city’s museums and other cultural spots. Yes, we marveled at the paintings of Van Gogh and Rembrandt, admired the architecture of old Amsterdam, and eye-balled a few hookers in the city’s famed Red Light District. I even survived a night of beer drinking with Dan, John, and Derek as we hopped from pub to pub. What a great start! Next up was a day of fun (and ride filming) at Walibi Holland, a park that I last visited in 2008 with TPR. This is the home of Goliath, an Intamin hyper, which was the park’s star back then. It’s still a headliner, but now has to share the spotlight with Lost Gravity, a particularly insane Mack creation. This coaster packs some Skyrush-style moments of airtime and lots of craziness into a relatively small space. The group loved this ride, but the local Dutch enthusiasts didn’t seem to care for it--a puzzlement, indeed. I think this was the biggest under-the-radar surprise for most of the group. When you first see the twisted mass that is Lost Gravity, you think, “Oh, hell no!” By the time you’ve ridden it, you're thinking, "Oh, hell yes!" Well done, Mack and Walibi. Well done! My thanks to the Walibi staff for treating us so well and getting through the park quickly via some backstage paths. There were two other “new to me” rides, which weren’t quite as inspiring: a Vekoma Boomerang and a launched coaster, which were both closed in ‘08. The Boomerang has been reworked as Speed of Sound, and sported some funky “rock and roll” theming along with onboard sound and the new, more comfortable Vekoma restraints, which made it tolerable (but still just a Boomerang). The launched coaster, XPress, used to be Superman: The Ride, back when the park was owned by Six Flags. Essentially, it’s the same layout as Walt Disney World’s Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster, only outdoors. The ride is a bit clunky, but not too bad. Ka-ching! Overall, it was a great day a Walibi--and a good time in Amsterdam. Ah, Amsterdam! A city of great beauty . . . . . . quirkiness, . . . . . . and a touch of depravity. Let’s leave our disturbing butcher behind to appreciate more of the sights of Amsterdam, such as canals and quaint architecture, . . . . . . the genius of Rembrandt as shown in his famous painting “Night Watch,” . . . . . . and Van Gogh’s invention of the mass-market potato chip. As with his paintings, Van Gogh didn’t see a dime for his chips. (OK, so I didn’t take any other photos in the Van Gogh Museum. I admit it.) There’s lots of great beer in Amsterdam, too. This is Brouwerij 't IJ, and it's supposed to be one of the ten best bars in the city. It was certainly busy, and the beer was excellent. This was a close as we got to touring the Anne Frank House. The line to buy tickets was hours long. This is Biercafe Gollem--another great place, if you don’t mind some creepy little guy constantly bugging you to play a game of riddles with him. To sum up the “cultural” section of this report, Amsterdam is the genius of Rembrandt . . . . . . combined with hookers, hash, and hops. Not too shabby, eh? Good morning, Intamin, you magnificent bastards. More on Goliath later. After an evening in kinky Amsterdam, the family-oriented atmosphere of a theme park comes as something of a relief. Or does it? There might be a few hidden “hard gaans” in this photo. Every day in Holland should start with a filming session on Goliath. But no day should ever start with this. Yes, that’s much better. They took us backstage to get photos of XPress (or “Buck Nekkid Rock ‘n’ Roller Coaster”) while they tested it. The ride’s a bit “clunky,” but not bad--and did I mention it's "buck nekkid"? Pretty sure I did. Even so, Dan’s expression betrays a certain amount of foreboding. Is it the ride's "nekkidness" . . . . . . or his proximity to the "danger zone" that troubles him so? Prithee? Where may I find the one called “Robin Hood”? I wouldst join me up with his band of merrie outlaws. No, he wasn’t in one of your nicely themed privies. Aha! I will take me hence! I am in haste to robbeth from the rich and giveth to the poor! What? "A manly initiation," say you? Bringeth it on! Ouch! Odds bodkins! My spine is cracked in twain! Maybe I’m not cutteth out for this “Merrie Men” folderol. Methinks the Sheriff of Nottingham might be hiring. Walibi is a very nicely landscaped park. I wonder what’s at the end of this nice, quiet pathway? Oh. Well, at least it’s free. How did we end up at Six Flags America? Must be some warp in time and space. Yes, there’s definitely something odd going on here. To find out what, you'll have to scroll on to my next post.

Hardywood Singel--a very nice Belgian blond ale

Agreed. I like reading reports about obscure, quirky little parks. Furuvik looks like a nice one for families.

This whole trip was excellent--and Wildfire was the perfect way to finish it. There's airtime galore, and the last corkscrew is particularly crazy!

The inclusion of apricots in this dish would make my Dad, who used to grow this fruit, happy.

Maybe it's an "Easter egg."

Oh, hell yes!

Or even just watching other crazy people injuring themselves. Toverland is a lot of fun.

It was terrible when I rode it in 2008, but they may have improved it since then.

^Wow! Tron looks great after dark.

As someone who's been on Vampire, I've gotta say... HOW? She succumbed to the Vampire's hypnotic eyes!

Werewolves ride in style. Pulsar looks like fun--wet, but fun.

I'm rather intrigued by the VR version of Revolution, as that coaster is the perfect candidate for that treatment thanks to its long spiral lift and layout.

It's an eruption! Run for your lives!

Well, sombeody's gotta do it. Young Star Coaster--Chimelong Paradise

After watching videos of the two latest RMC creations, I have come to a few conclusions: 1. Both Lightning Rod and Wildfire look fantastic. 2. Both Dollywood and Kolmarden have the most beautiful settings possible for a roller coaster this side of Ocean Park in Hong Kong.

^Most rides will run in the rain, unless there's lightning in the area. High winds will close the Skyride. It all depends on how strong the storm is.

Sarah's reaction in the onride photo sums up the Paris Space Mountain experience perfectly.

Buckshot Amber Ale at Busch Gardens Williamsburg OK, but nothing special.

I've never heard of a flying theater. Are they like Soarin' but play full movies? Or similar in length and also flying above neat touristy locations? Kind of like Soarin'. Happy Valley which is like an hour away from Shanghai Disney has one from HUSS. I've never been on that one but Chinese people generally tend to be like "yeah I've been on a flying theater before so I don't have to ride any others anymore". The "flying theater" at Happy Valley is not very good.

That was cruel of them.