cfc

Never slip the tongue to a Bud Ice--it'll get stuck, and the fire department will have help you out.

Williamsburg, Va., already the home of Colonial Williamsburg, Busch Gardens, Water Country USA, Presidents Park (the home of GIANT presidents heads), and the Pottery (where you never saw so much crap for sale in your life), might be getting a Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum in the next few years. Here's a link to the story in the latest Virginia Gazette: http://www.vagazette.com/news/va-news1_102605oct26,0,1214968.story?coll=va-news. This is Ripley's second attempt to build in Virginia's Colonial Capital. They presented a concept to Williamsburg's Architectural Review Board and City Council a few years ago--it looked remarkably like WDW's Haunted Mansion and was summarily rejected. Seems that Williamsburg doesn't approve of reproductions of "historic buildings" on the Richmond Road tourist corridor, which is a bit ironic (as the article points out) because Colonial Williamsburg consists of mostly, well, reproductions of "historic buildings." Will this second attempt fly? Hard to say, but the Architectural Review Board liked Ripley's new concept (a reworking of an existing restaurant on Richmond Road). So, stay tuned, lovers of the bizarre or unexplainable. As the host of the old Ripley show, Jack Palance, might say, "Believe it, or else!" Chuck "Yeah, I'll probably check it out if they build it" Campbell

Greetings, Matt. You realize, of course, that the FBI has now started a file on you.

They open three of the mazes at three pm: Blood Shed, Maze of Madness, and Freakshow in 3D. I think the reason is that the park is only open on Saturdays and Sundays in October, so Fearfest gets pretty crowded. The lines were pretty long on Sunday night, and I hate to think of what they were like on Saturday. BGW is open on Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays during October, and they actually started Howl-o-Scream in mid-September. This spreads out the crowds a bit (you get relatively light crowds on Friday and Sunday, and a huge crowd on Saturday, and BGW opens its mazes early on that day, too). This is another reason why Howl-o-Scream is the better run of the two events, I think. They also spread the crowd out over a wider area of the park than PKD (the best stuff at Fearfest is concentrated in the Old Virginia section, which was mobbed).

Sam Adam's Black Lager--me and Bela! "Look into my eyes! You vill gif the entire six pack to Bela!"

If you've made it this far, you know that Linda's wheelchair couldn't go through Headless Hollow. And who is Linda? You may sort of know her and not even realize it. Ever stayed at the Atlantis Resort in Reno? She's the voice of the elevator! And you can hear her over the PA system at the Hard Rock in Vegas, too (I think). Yep--she does some voiceover work on the side. Anyway, while I was waiting in line for Headless Hollow (which took about an hour), and Gary was off running an errand, Linda checked out the Halloween offerings in Paramount's AFX Theater (one of those simulators where the seats buck like demented bulls): Elvira's Superstition and Fun House Express. She liked both of them, by the way. Well, Linda got in a bit early and was talking with one of the CMs, who was in a bit of a quandry: seems that she had to read the attraction's saftey spiel in front of the crowd, even though she was scared to death of public speaking. Linda tried giving her a few pointers, then read the spiel aloud for her in her own fashion. The theater's manager overheard, and told Linda, "Hey, why don't you do it?" So, Linda's dulcet tones graced the AFX Theater that night. The manager was so impressed, he actually offered her a job recording voiceovers for the park! So, who knows? Someday, Linda might end up being the "voice of Kings Dominion."

My photo software is pretty basic--still getting the hang of using it (and I never get quite the results I think I'm getting, if that makes any sense). :o But you're right--they're too freakin' big. We hit Madness and Freakshow that afternoon, because we happen to be nearby when they opened. The lines were pretty long after dark, so we may not have been able to see everything if we hadn't.

My old friends Gary and Linda came out to Virginia last weekend to visit me and check out Halloween in the Old Dominion. Sunday, October 23, was our day for PKD’s Fearfest. This event is a bit more intense than BGW’s Howl-o-Scream, but not as well run, I think, especially if your party includes someone in a wheelchair (like Linda). CMs seemed a bit confused about the park’s policy toward the disabled during Fearfest—sometimes we were taken to the front of a maze’s line, other times we were told wait like everyone else. One maze, Headless Hollow, was not wheelchair accessible. One CM told us to head to the front, while another flagged us down about the accessibility problems. PKD could stand to clarify their policy here, but overall, we enjoyed Fearfest. Here’s a rundown of Fearfest’s “adult” attractions, rated on a scale of zero to 10. Friday the 13 II: Jason’s Extreme Cuts—Muy lameo. Essentially a commercial for Paramount’s Friday the 13th special-edition DVD set, this is just a collection of clips built around a top-ten list of ways to meet Jason, everyone’s favorite hockey-mask-wearing psycho. Supposedly, an actor dressed like Jason was supposed to pop through the screen at the end, but the guy didn’t show. (Rating: 3) Maze of Madness—The doctors are in control of the asylum, but they’re crazier than the inmates in this mirror maze in a tent. The themeing is minimal—just mirrors, chain-link, strobe lights, and fog—and because we walked through it in the afternoon, sunlight was leaking into the tent. But the scare actors were an energetic bunch, and darkness would improve this maze quite a bit. Rating: 6 during the day but probably 7 at night Freakshow in 3-D—Slip on your DEVO glasses and become part of the freakshow in this maze that glows under black lights. Basically, this just a series of “3D” paintings of evil clowns and freaks. The paintings aren’t bad, but the themeing is pretty barebones, and goofy (not scary) circus music undercuts the scares. But the day-glo scare actors do a good job. Rating: 6 Blood Shed—The family in this shack makes the guys in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre look like the Brady Bunch. This maze is pretty elaborate by Fearfest standards, as you’re pursued by cannibalistic hillbillies across their fiendish farm (watch out for the farting horse). Rating: 8 Headless Hollow—A bit odd. Try to escape the spooky woods of Headless Hollow, with living bushes (I counted at least six) in hot pursuit—one bushman literally chased a group of girls all the way to the exit. Crazed local yokels also harass you until you encounter some headless guy, who because he’s in formal wear doesn’t appear to be a horseman. Still, this outdoor maze has good, creepy atmosphere, even if the story is a bit unclear. Rating: 7.5 RL Stein’s Fear Street Nights—Fearfest’s best attraction: an antique car ride on a foggy country road loaded with spooky graveyards, lurching ghouls, and enough mechanical effects for a good “ghost train.” It does BGW’s Nightmare Express one better because you’re closer to the action. Rating: 9 And now allow me to scare you with a few photos. EDIT: Now with smaller photos for your navigational ease. Chuck "I've finally figured out how to resize photos with my putzy software" Campbell The Flight of Fear: I look like an alien; Linda looks like she's enjoying the ride; and Gary looks like, well, somebody who doesn't care for launched coasters. The motley crew together at last: Gary, Linda, and Chuck start their first fearless fearfest foray. Hmm--seems that curse is bad hair and middle-aged spread. You know, in California, a skeleton condo like this would set you back 750 grand. But at Headless Hollow you can have it for 500, and we throw in a garage! Outside Maze of Madness: "Wait till the sun goes down! Then we'll scare the pants off ya!" Er, Linda, behind you . . . Memo to PKD staff from management: We have fog machines and, damn it, we're gonna use them! Yep--looks like a couple of lost souls, alright. Presenting Mr. and Mrs. Jack O'Lantern. Now that's scary! Another mystery for Scooby and his pals--what Mother Goose doesn't want you to know! Huh? But you told us to bring Linda through the exit. This evil, twisted mass of metal is Anaconda--actually ran a bit smoother than usual that day. Here are some relics that Linda will sell to you--cheap. Run! It's an Avalanche! This isn't a great picture, but that tin roof in the foreground covers the loading station for either the Smurf train ride or the Hanunted River ride--Volcano pushed out both the Smurfs and the ghosts. Here's the Blast Coaster Over the Haunted River of Smurf Mountain (better known as Volcano).

PKD's Rebel Yell last Sunday at Fearfest. Forwards only--the backwards side wasn't running that day.

I've been fighting the "battle of the bulge" all my life, too. When I graduated from Cal Poly back in 1984, I was nearly 300 pounds and my blood pressure was off the scale. I lost over 100 pounds in a year by following Weight Watchers--it's amazing what motivation a guy in his mid-twenties can get from having to attend a weigh-in with a bunch of middle-aged housewives once a week. My old "goal weight" then was 175, but I looked a bit gaunt (we Campbells are Scottish highland stock, after all), but I did balloon back to nearly 250 (now down to around 230). I think between 200 and 210 is where I'd like to be. Moderation and exercise--still need to work on that second part.

:shock: I want to see a picture of this! I'll try to take one the next time I'm in Richmond (couldn't find one online). I also recall a commercial for some BBQ joint in Norfolk, Va., "where the hogs have organ donor cards," but that was a long time ago (Norfolk is the home of PETA, too).

Some more BGW and Howl-o-Scream pics. And now, the most horrifying sight at Howl-o-Scream: To gaze upon the Giant Hummel Boy from Hell is to invite madness! Looks like Gary isn't the only dangerous clown attracted to Linda! Chuck is caught in the Tin Woodman's patented flying head scissors, while Gary bites the Cowardly Lion's tail while the ref's back is turned. Those who'd cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three . . . OK, Bone Daddy, I'll snap your picture next. Hmm--appears to be some sort of disagreement over what to do next . . . Avast, you swabs! Davy Jones wants his locker polished next, so step lively! Arghh, don't be droppin' yer 'ook on this skeleton's gold, mate!

It was damp, drizzly October night . . . must be time for Howl-o-Scream at Busch Gardens Williamsburg. But no one should go through such a terrifying, but enjoyable, ordeal alone, so my old friends Gary and Linda flew in from California to get a taste of Halloween Virginia style. Always happy to initiate some poor, unsuspecting dupes, er, I mean old fiends, er, friends to Howl-o-Scream. There’s one little twist to this trip report. Linda suffers from nerve damage in her legs due to diabetes. The diabetes is under control, but the nerve damage is permanent, and while she can walk for short distances and transfer to most rides, she needs a wheelchair for the long haul. But what she lacks in mobility she makes up for in enthusiasm. We hit BGW on Friday, October 21, and the weather was damp but hardly a washout—just extra atmosphere. The park’s coasters were their old, reliable selves, and it was a kick seeing Gary and Linda ride Apollo’s Chariot and Alpengeist for the first time, and they both loved Curse of DarKastle. If you’re not familiar with BGW’s policy regarding guests in wheelchairs, it goes something like this: Your party checks in with the CM at the ride entrance and receives a pass with a return time. If it’s a slow day, you can proceed to the ride exit (or designated disabled-persons entrance), and the CMs there will get you onboard within a few minutes (the disabled person and two other riders). This went pretty smoothly with one exception. BGW is rather hilly, and it’s a bear to get a standard wheelchair down to the exit of the Loch Ness Monster when it’s been raining! It’s a fairly steep path, and Gary and I were slipping and sliding the whole way, but we did keep Linda from sailing down the hill and into the river. Overall, kudos to BGW's very helpful CMs. Howl-o-Scream was fun, as usual, and all the mazes are wheelchair accessible (although the ground around Sea Dog Cemetery is a bit uneven). And fiendish pirates, crazed clowns, and ghastly ghouls are attracted to a person in wheelchair like an ACE member to a buffet. Linda was getting spooked constantly in the mazes, and loving every minute of it. Even Gary got into the act when I spelled him in wheeling Linda around. Arghh, them scallywags of Sea Dog Cemetery took the prize that night. Aye, the cap’n must’ve shanghaied a few extra hands, for ye could hardly take a step without a pyrate dog or wench comin’ at ya from somwhere. Curse of Pompeii was great, and Last Laugh Industries was much improved over the beginning of Howl-o-Scream (although still not quite as good as the old Distorted Dimensions), thanks to adding more fiendish clowns. Three minor disappointments: Sleepless Hollow Manor was fun, but a little off (for some reason, BGW made the last year’s exit into the entrance, so the maze’s climax comes at the beginning—huh?). Jack’s Nightmare Express was the same old same old—OK, but needs some freshening up. And the Werewolf Reserve was rather lacking in lycanthropes—we spotted only one lone werewolf as we ambled though (maybe the weather?). All in all, a lot of fun—I’ll post something on PKD’s Fearfest next. You know, picking your nose is pretty disgusting, but picking a wolf's nose outside of DarKastle is downright dangerous. Chuck, you should've schussed on that last turn. Just a tip. Good to see the skiing lessons are paying off, Gary. Random coaster pic--Alpengeist. Gary and Linda actually consent to appearing in a picture with Chuck.

Sheesh! Does Chicken Little take on Godzilla in this flick?

Yout think that's bad . . . The logo for Bill's Barbeque in Richmond, Va., consists of two pigs roasting sausages on sticks over an open fire. Aghh! Pig cannibalism!

Woke up this mornin', Logged into TPR. Checked my thread about blues songs, Saw it hadn't got very far. So I wrote this little tune, Just to bump it up a bit. Give this thread one more shot, See if anyone gives a [EXPLETIVE DELETED]. O, bumpin' up the thread, Got the bumpin' up the thread blues today. Gonna post here one more time, Then let this thread fade away . . . Chuck "Bumpin Up the Thread Blues" Campbell

Lamest amagram yet: cfc to "fcc." Yes, I am an agent of the Federal Communications Commission! We'll have no "wardrobe malfunctions" on this site! Chuck "Please don't send in the FBI, I'm only kidding" Campbell

Arghh, indeed, mate. Looks like you'll be leavin' yer cutlass in its sheath, sez I.

Some friends of mine are arriving this afternoon, and we're going to check out Howl-o-Scream at BGW (which I've already seen) and Fearfest at PKD (which will be new to me). Happy Halloween from BGW, fiends, er, friends!

And all this time I thought Robb was either the Bat Boy or Bigfoot. I'll never trust the Weekly World News again. Chuck "I've lost all faith in tabloid journalism" Campbell

Here are two shots: the first is the late Joaquin, my 14-year-old, 20-pound tabby, who had to be put to sleep last December because of a heart ailment (I still miss the big guy). The second is my new cat, Angus McNasty. He entered my life from the Smoky Mountains of western North Carolina, when he wandered into a friend's house to escape the cold. He got fine with my friend's family, but not with their cats, whom he completely terrorized. So, the dubbed him "McNasty." I took him in, and liking the idea of a fighting Scottish tabby, named him "Angus." Usually, he's pretty sweet, but he can be as McNasty as he wants to be from time to time (especially to squirrels and birds). Angus McNasty: "Ah, god love ye fer buildin' me this wee little condo, laddie. Now make with food lest I tear a hole in yer sporran!" The late Joaquin: "These presents are all mine! Mine, I tell you!"

So, it was an air leak? And all this time I thought it was gremlins and evil spirits . . .

And as Mark Twain once said, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."

Hmm--cheeky, indeed.

Now imagine being stuck on a lifthill for an hour with a carton of expired milk . . . The horror! The horror! Funny stuff!