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Oh, gawd, that stupid dark ride. I had one foot in the car and another on the "platform" (well, concrete slab) when the damn thing dispatched. Then we rolled around inside a warehouse full of static sets and statues, with some fog, lighting, and sound effects--and guns that may or may not have worked. We did hit that restaurant at the right time, and lunch was pretty good.

For me, it's hard to top the Mysterious Island of Captain Nemo at Tokyo DisneySea (20,000 Leagues is my favorite Disney movie). I'm just a sucker for the Nautilus.

Yes . . . it's all about the poffertjes. Epcot needs poffertjes.

This one.

Holland = Land of Hols Poland = Land of Pols Swedeland = Land of Swedes

Sometimes, I just lose track of how many photos I've taken. Thanks for being patient. Here's the last batch from Efteling, starting with a look at the Fairytale Forest, which is full of whimsy, sex, violence, and death! The look of the place reminds of the films of Terry Gilliam. Please note the smoking regulations for Fairytale Forest. “Gawd, I’d kill for a smoke right now, but I’m outside the ‘designated smoking area.’ It sucks to be me.” “I can smoke to my heart’s content high above everyone.” “You can smoke in my house, kiddies! Free cigarettes for everyone!” “What the hell is this in front of the gingerbread house?” “It’s a lemonade fountain.” “OK, if you say so.” This is, of course, “art,” and in no way objectionable. “Oh, yes, I do appreciate art! Really, I do.” “Pinocchio vs. Cthulhu” was a fairy tale that never made it to the U.S. Quentin Tarantino’s “Once Upon a Time . . . in Efteling.” Remember, kids: Death is ever present! Pleasant dreams! Fairytale Forest is one of the park's oldest attractions, but still fun to visit. They add new stories each year, and many of the sets are interactive, with triggers that set off audio and physical effects. The Efteling museum had all sorts of, er, delightful artifacts. Here’s a map from when Efteling was more of a “city park" than a “theme park." You can see the Fairytale Forest (“Sprookjesbos”), along with the huge carousel building. They used to have tennis courts, too. I want this on my front steps as a Halloween decoration. There’s still a piece of the old Python at Efteling. Touch it to hear the moans of the tormented souls who endured the old coaster. And now, Raveleijn, or Game of Thrones--Efteling Style. The story has something to do with some queen who controls birds. I think. She has her own team of bird “warriors,” I guess. Oh no! The bad guys have stuffed the bird queen into a Dalek, or something, and sent her to another dimension! This evil swordsman looks like a generic “goon" on the old Batman TV show. Maybe he works for the Penguin, too. The horse will be fine, as long as he doesn’t break wind. Uh oh! The horse farted and spawned a dragon! The bird queen is safe! Hooray! We had a very good dinner in the restaurant that adjoins the theater. This is the first time I’ve visited Efteling’s main entrance. It’s pretty impressive, especially after dark. I like the path that runs by Draak. You get a much better look at the dragon here than you do from the coaster. It was great to see the park at night. The Fata Morgana building looks beautiful. Big day tomorrow, so back to the hotel we go. That’s all for now. Toverland is next!

OK, rise and shine! Time for the ERT/filming sessions! Thanks for setting all this up, Robb and Elissa. Good morning! Who’s ready for some loopin’ and screwin’--Vekoma style? This guy was here in 2008. I’m glad he still has a job. The Vekoma vest restraints work pretty well--a little better than B&M’s version, in my opinion. The rebuilt Python is, indeed, better than the original version. At least it’s better than hitting yourself in the head with a brick. They made a terrible ride into a decent one, and the corkscrew nicely frames Vliegende Hollander (or, the “Flying Dutchman”). We had a filming session on Joras en de Draak. I enjoyed this coaster. Beautiful station with a great gimmick: If your train wins, you hear cheers. If you lose, you get booed. I had a knack for picking the losing train. You can barely see the “Draak” in this photo. I’ll give you a better look at it later. And now, one of the weirdest dark-ride/coaster/water rides ever: Vilegende Hollander. You meet the Dutchman in the show building, so I guess this is the “flying” part. Efteling seems fond of mist-filled tunnels. The Dutchman has his horrible vengeance! Well, you don't even get wet, so it's not that horrible. Still, this is a unique ride. Vogel Rok is one big bird. Fortunately, it didn’t take one big dump on me. (It's a decent indoor coaster, too.) Oh, Larry! Just use your card in the ATM like everyone else. You’ll rupture yourself! Carnaval Festival is now certified 70% less racist than it was in 2008. The frogs seem pretty neutral . . . well, unless they're supposed to represent the French. “It’s a less racist world after all!” Well, unless you’re German, I guess. "Impassioned lovers wrestle as one!" The dragon approves of the sumo porn. Yes, they did reduce Carnaval Festival’s more “racist” aspects . . . . . . yet they still have this attraction just across from it. But the “cannibal” only eats ice cream, so I guess it’s OK. Right, Larry and Ryan? Efteling has a beautiful carousel that still uses its original steam-driven engine. It rotates at “ludicrous speed,” too. There are some beautiful dioramas in this building, as well. I love it when a park has “hidden” attractions like this. Time to relax a bit on the flying island. Aha! There’s the hotel. You can’t see it from the ground when you’re in the park. It really does look like a floating castle from there. Nice view of town, too. Oh, so that’s the main entrance. It’s very pointy. Check out the solar panels on Symbolica’s roof. That’s the real magic. See how closely the park’s main coasters are clustered together? Unlike 2008, I hear no cries of pain coming from Python. Find the coaster car in this photo, win a kewpie doll. No prize for spotting the boats, though. One more set of photos to go. Whew!

Whimsy, with a Bit of an Edge: Efteling Once upon a time, there were seven little goats, who lived with their mother in an adorable cottage in the woods. One day, mother left her kids at home alone while she went to market, admonishing them not to let any strangers into the house while she was away. So, of course, the little darlings opened the door to a well-dressed wolf, who gobbled them up. But the wolf made a crucial mistake. He left one alive. What happened when mother returned and found that only one of her kids had survived? Let’s just say, blood begat blood! Wasn’t that adorable? If Quentin Tarantino worked for Disney, this is the movie he would make. “The Wolf and the Seven Kids" is just one of the tales depicted in the Fairytale Forest at Efteling, a huge, beautiful Dutch theme park. It’s tempting to call Efteling “Disney’s Fantasyland on Steroids,” as the whole park is dedicated to fantasy and fairy tales. But unlike Disney, Efteling doesn’t “sanitize” the old stories. As with the story above, many of the events depicted in Efteling’s Fairytale Forest are “grimm,” indeed, with endings that are not always happy. This park sticks close to its European roots. Efteling was another park I’d last visited in 2008, and I was looking forward to going back. Much had changed since then, with big new attractions, such as Baron (a heavily themed B&M Dive Machine), Joras en de Draak (a racing/dueling GCI woodie), and Symbolica (a trackless dark ride). Even the park’s old Vekoma loopscrew, Python, had been completely rebuilt. The park’s take on “It’s a Small World,” Carnival Festival, had received a make-over to remove some its, shall we say, potentially offensive elements. And it was time to say good bye to the park’s old Intamin Bobsled, which is appropriately named Bob. This was its last season. How did the new rides stack up? Pretty well. For me, the biggest hit was Symbolica--a “Disney-level,” trackless dark ride with great animatronics, excellent music, and plenty of surprises. The basic story is that you’ve been invited to a reception for a king, but the court jester (using a magic scepter) hijacks your group. Much magical mayhem ensues. One unique feature of Symbolica is that you can choose your adventure by following the path of Heroes, Treasure, or Music. Each tour offers a unique room with an interactive game, along with a few other surprises. There is one caveat: If you’re in the single-rider line, you don’t get to choose (just fill an empty seat). I rode the path of Heroes with Larry and Ryan the first time--and two other times when we used the single-rider line. Oh, well--I did ride the Treasure car once, but missed out on Music. Some in our group compared Symbolica to Mystic Manor at Hong Kong Disneyland. It’s good to see a park outside of Disney using trackless-dark-ride technology so well. Efteling is Epcot huge, but tougher to navigate (it just sprawls out everywhere). That being said, it’s a fun place to explore. Let’s go in and have a look around. Let me know if you see any of the coasters. They’re surprisingly elusive. Don't worry, We have tonight and all day tomorrow to check the place out. The Efteling Hotel resembles a “floating castle.” It doesn’t “float” high enough to be seen from inside the park, unless you’re on the flying island. Your story begins here . . . well, after you check in, lug your bags to your room, use the toilet (if necessary), etc. Or perhaps your story begins and ends when you’re killed by this enormous bird. Oh, such whimsy in Efteling! The rooms had these cute board games, which were sort of like scavenger hunts. Note item 2 regarding the red shoes. Found ‘em. One of the game’s spaces required you to dance like an elf. I think the group that closed the hotel bar that night would’ve rocked that stunt. The hotel guest entrance isn’t as awe inspiring as the main park entrance, but it’s very handy. Let the nightmares, er, whimsy begin! Efteling is enormous and beautiful. But where are the coasters? Aha! It was quite a hike to Baron. While the ride itself is an OK B&M Dive Coaster, the “haunted mine/steam punk" theming is excellent. From here, you plunge into a mist-filled tunnel, which feels refreshing on a hot day. Yet, the ghosts that protect the mine’s gold consider this a curse. Go figure. This is the best part of the ride. The rest is a bit shaky (little bit of ear boxing on the restraints). The theming and landscaping make Baron stand out. I’d love to see more rides like Symbolica at other parks. OK, how many of you have been to parties like this? You’re sipping a nice glass of Hawaiian Punch . . . . . . then realize that some clown has spiked it with LSD? (This is a great pre-show.) So, what’s your pleasure: Music, Heroes, or Treasure? Yes, like Gandalf, you’ll feel like you just smoked some of that Hobbit weed. Universal should study this bit . . . . . . to learn how giant-fish-and-water effects should be done. There was some sort of “Heroes” interactive game here, but I’m not sure it worked. I rode “Heroes" three times, and each time, the blue knight knocked the golden knight’s block off. OK, shall we have pancakes for dinner . . . . . . or poffertjes? Peacocks prefer poffertjes. Droomvlucht sums up Efteling perfectly. I have no idea what’s going on . . . . . . but it has castles . . . . . . and fairies and goblins and other sorts of magical stuff. But it’s still not a coaster credit. Brad prepares himself for the exquisite terror of the park’s Vekoma Mad House. Goats. Why did they have to ride goats? Who’s in the portrait on the lower right? Sort of looks like Christopher Walken. Welcome to Fata Morgana, or “Pirates of the Persian Gulf.” “Back, lest I stick you with my pointy hat!” Pirates of the Caribbean doesn’t have a scene involving dentistry. In your face, Disney! OK, this ride suddenly became a bit more interesting than Pirates of the Caribbean. Er, dude with the girded loins? We're trying to watch the belly dancers, so down in front! Can you stand the horror of . . . . . . exiting via the gift shop? A puff or two on this should take the edge off the terror. Here’s all you need to know about the lagoon show--it has fire and water, thus making it Mini-Illuminations, with giant spitting frogs. Time for a beer in the hotel’s very pleasant bar. Leffe is a good Belgian ale. More to come.

Hmm--each year i wonder whether I'll make it to Food and Wine in the fall. Then they add raclette and some alcoholic coffee drink that's garnished with a donut. Fiends!

I tried to ride the family coaster in the new "Dragon Land," but thought the restraint was going to strip the flesh off my legs, so I exited stage left. Didn't have a problem with the Vekoma suspended Dragon or Roller Skater, though.

That path is a terrible bottleneck. I'm glad they're doing something about it.

Valkyria at Liseberg.

This isn't my "thing," but I imagine sports fans will enjoy it.

^It looks like he was photo-shopped into it. It amused me, too, when I was sorting through the photos.

Revolution's lighting and projection effects all seemed to be working. It's a goofy ride, but still fun.

Standing up to avoid water features on rapids rides is standard operating procedure in Europe. Lost Gravity is, indeed, one of the hidden gems of Walibi. I remember local enthusiasts complaining and apologizing for it a few years ago, which puzzled our group to no end. I agree that Efteling's GCI was a a very pleasant surprise--much better than I had anticipated. Symbolica was great, too (more rides like this in the U.S., please). I'm really enjoying this report, and I'm kicking myself for not having any Bitterballen.

I'm glad to see you all survived the judgment of the "Who farted?" stone face. Time to move on. I didn’t ride this goofy King Kong attraction, but I was afraid that his prominent nipples would put out someone’s eye. Nope. Not getting into a Banana Battle with Kong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all wanna change the world. Is this theming, or should we be concerned? This was the longest wait of the day. Appropriate, as it was for the longest coaster train of the day, too. Revolution offered VR (as "Mount Mara"), and this was where the line spilt up. Well, we’ve conquered Adventure Valley. Might as well celebrate here with a shot of rot gut. This is where Davy Crockett has his coonskin cap dry cleaned before he set out for the Alamo. Because “Old West,” you know. But since we’re in Belgium, shouldn’t these signs all be pointing west? Speedy Bob, old buddy! What’ve you been up too since 2008? Still cracking kneecaps and scaring the crap out of people? (This is a seriously crazy wild mouse that used to have two identical tracks.) In the Old West, people always kept cows in their rooms. Never know when you might need to start a stampede. There will be one more Oki Doki photo. Here it is. Sometimes, you just have to stop and appreciate how well landscaped many European parks are . . . . . . before you engage in spaghetti-western-style mayhem. "There are two kinds of people in the world, my friend. Those who sit on Bench: the Ride . . . . . . and those who have a really hot time on it." (Photo by Robb.) “So, you rode Typhoon three times, and now you want to ride Fury backward. Sheesh, you’re a moron.” So much Fury, . . . . . . so much hair time. It really is a great ride. But ya gotta know your limits. That’s all for now.

Interlude to the Prelude: Bobbejaanland I last visited Bobbejaanland with TPR in 2008. Here’s what the entrance looked like then, along with my first reaction to the park. “Through this portal, ‘Weird’ has sex with ‘Wacky,’ who gives birth to ‘WTF.’” A lot has changed since 2008, when the park was an eccentric place with a “Wild West” town and other random attractions. Today, it’s an eccentric place that’s morphing into more of a theme park, with the addition of Adventure Valley (a sort of “Indiana Jones,” jungle-themed land) and the Land of Legends, which features both old (Typhoon) and new (Fury) attractions. Land of Legends revolves around the elements of Earth, Fire, Wind, and Water (and is not to be confused with the soul group Earth, Wind, and Fire). Each attraction here has entrances branching off from a central plaza. It shakes out like this: Typhoon, the park’s old Eurofighter, represents “Wind” (but not “Water,” even though typhoons have rain). The ride’s queue now sports a Griffon (sorry, BGW) pulling a coaster car behind it. Other than that, it’s the same ride that opened in 2004, but with a nicer color scheme--it’s still a good, forceful coaster (more on that later). Fury, with its crazy launches and dragon statue, represents “Fire.” This Gerstlauer coaster is also the first to let riders vote on whether they want to be launched backward or forward. After riders vote by pressing a button, a turntable in the launch zone turns the car in the winning direction. This is an excellent, intense, air-time-filled ride. But a word of advice: After taking three consecutive rides on Typhoon, don’t be shocked if a backward ride on Fury messes you up for a while (especially if you’re me). That being said, I liked this ride quite a bit. Sledgehammer, one of those pendulum/giant Frisbee type rides, represents “Earth.” Well, why not? (It’s a re-theme of a ride that was there in 2008.) A kid’s play area, with interactive fountains and a sea serpent, represents “Water.” This seemed a bit anti-climatic, but at least all four elements were accounted for in the Land of Legends. All in all, it was a good day at Bobbejaanland. Let’s wander around and see the old and new of this eccentric Belgian park. Don’t worry--Oki Doki, the creepy clown coaster, and El Paso Special are still there. Howdy! This here cowboy welcomes y’all to Bobbejaanland. (I think this statue was inside the park in 2008.) “Yippee-ki-yai--in French!” The park provided a nice breakfast-pastry spread that morning. Looks like a Typhoon is brewing. If you want to experience it, turn left at "Ingang." As you can tell from this statue in the queue, all Typhoon trains are now pulled by a Griffon. See it? See the Griffon? No? I guess you’re not worthy enough to see him. Too bad! He’s cute, and his name is Griffin, the, er, Griffon. This is the Guardian of Elements, and he protects those who visit the Land of Legends. Or he could be some random cosplayer who doesn't protect anyone. Hard to tell. Let me see if I can translate these runes . . . hmm . . . “Whosoever passes through this portal wilt not know whether he cometh or goeth . . . . . . for this be Fury.” Time to get equipped for your quest. Who wants the axe? But how can you tell if this train is going forward or backward? Let’s try the Dragon Test. Launch forward. Launch backward. TPR people are sick puppies who like to ride it backward. I fear to guess how this fits into their personal lives. I have no idea what direction this train is going. Here’s the “Water” part of Land of Legends. H2O is, indeed, present. Next came the long march to Naga Bay, or “The Coaster Formerly Known as Dizz.” We went from one side of Adventure Valley . . . . . . to the other . . . . . . and back again to the station. Yes, one must endure the travails of true heroes . . . . . . to ride the spinning (sort of) mouse. Well, we survived the trudge to Naga Bay. May as well brave the Forbidden Caves. Looks like another long quest involving many ordeals. First, you must cross the Swamp of Jungle Theming via the Catwalk of Manufactured Mystery. Then you must survive the the Graveyard of Abandoned Conveyances. Here’s a hopeful sign, at least. You must avert your eyes from the Perversion Chamber of the Purple Ape. Or just look at it. Didn’t seem to matter. Then you must endure the judgment of the Stone Face that Looks Like Someone Just Farted. “Don’t adventures ever have an end?” No, Bilbo Baggins, they don’t, but there’s an immersion tunnel, 3D glasses, and probably a gift shop. More to come.

Here's some Bobbejaanland stuff. I didn't get any photos of Sledgehammer in operation (just the sign and the queue).

I think your take on Bobbejaanland is correct. As I recall from my previous visit in 2008, the only themed area was the Old West town. I like that they're adding some more theming, even if it doesn't quite live up to their concept art. Great photos, too.

While Walibi Belguim is weak when it comes to coasters, it's good that it features two great shooting dark rides.

My only other Dungeon experience was Edinburgh, so I don't a have a large basis for comparison. The Amsterdam Dungeon had no "ride" of any kind (Edinburgh's had a boat ride through a vampire-infested cave). Like Edinburgh, this one did have a "trial," but also included a witch "burning." You got a free beer at the end, too.

Funny how that works.

Bob likes to bang around a bit, but it was a fun coaster in a beautiful setting (the woods enhanced the ride).

Hmm . . . it seems that my Dad's old farm shop was equipped with a set of "Dutch stairs." I have learned something today--that life on the farm was more dangerous than I'd previously thought. Thank you. Nice to see your first European Oddventure off to such a great start. I look forward to more.