Hello, Welcome to my super crappy trip report for the fantastic IntimadaTOUR trip! I'm assuming anyone reading this has never read one of my trip reports before, in which case, my name is Josh and all my trip reports SUCK. In order to spare you the pain here's my disclaimer: The following PTR is the result of sugar overdoses and my short attention span, It is intended to be read by ABSOLUTELY NO ONE and is here for my entertainment purposes only. None of the content is relevant or informative, Most of it is immature, crude and random. I have never made a quality trip report on this site, instead in the past i chose to write about my adventures in Costco or this time i got stuck on my roof in a snowstorm, or about thirty clips of products from Skymall magazine. This PTR will be no different except it will deal with theme parks 32% more. But like my West Coast 2009 TR, i will likely turn this into a chance to whine about how busy i am (which is a lie), and I'll never post updates past the third day of the trip.
That being said, Welcome again to...
Josh's Ultra Crappy, Highly Erotic Photo Trip Report of TPR's Biblical IntimiadaTOUR Trip 2010!
Now with more witty commentary and bonus "happy ending" Massage!!
Start of the Trip and drive to Carrowinds:
...And for the record this is the second time I've written this opening after loosing everything last night in a safari crash!
One Sunday in August, I left Philadelphia from 30th street station on a train (because I'm too cheep to fly) headed to Richmond VA for the start of another amazing week of roller coasters, theme parks, great friends and amazing memories. This was my second TPR trip after the amazing West Coast 2009, and while this trip did not have as many parks in the line up, it gave California a run for it's money with two of the parks being among the most well managed and high quality parks the US has to offer ( I am of course refereeing to Go carts plus and Nascar speedpark), and two other parks featuring the greatest new coasters of 2010, The Intimadators! Designed by racing legend Ricky Bobby, who is now dead...
But on a more serious note, before i continue with my stupidity, I want to thank the truly amazing Robb and Elissa for putting on another incredibly memorable trip, and for allowing me to join! ( Robb specifically said before addressing me on the welcome bus ride "Oh God, I can't believe we let this person on another trip with us.") It was another trip i will never forget, so I can't thank them enough for all the work they did. R&E, you guys are awesome!
Ok, now i'll continue blaspheming the holiness of this trip with the rest of my PTR!
My train to Richmond lasted like five hours, and the first thing i did was chug a can of Red Bull and then sat in my seat all jittery, listening to amazing techno music for the remainder of the ride. I also drew a few furry psycho animals wielding flamethrowers in my sketch book when i wasn't shaking too badly. I took lots of pictures! I probably have more extensive coverage of that train ride than i do of most of the parks on the trip.
When I finally got to the early arrival hotel, I met a bunch of the awesome people i would be spending the next week with, and we screwed around in the lobby for hours with a plastic spiny toy intended for three year olds, until Elissa showed up and we ambushed a Pizza Hut. Then later at night when more people showed up, we went to Waffle House! I knew i was in the south because there were two of them in a quarter mile radius, one on each side of the hotel. I actually ended up going to the same one twice with two different groups, and both times i only ordered a glass of water!
Then the next day marked the start to the insanity with the awesome welcome bus ride, which consisted of Yo Gabba Gabba, Profanity, Snack Song, Chubby Sex, Baggage and more! It was an awesome start to the trip, and it only got better when we got to our welcome dinner destination, the Tilted Kilt! Which is essentially a Scottish Hooters where all the staff wears kilt with no underpants. Even the bartender! When we started taking pictures about twelve of the waitresses all came together to get in the shots, they said it was restaurant policy. When they came to our table, one of the girls petted me and complimented my hair. That made me feel special on the inside.
Finally we made it to our first hotel which was directly across the street from Carrowinds, in fact we had a perfect view of Intimadator from our rooms! That night we had our international snack exchange, which was another perfect way to get to know people, and also made my digestive system feel great, having eaten nothing but grease and sugar all day!
The next day was our first park day at Carrowinds, which will be my next update, coming whenever i finish my Carrowinds video which could be anytime between tomorrow and when the world ends in 2012. So yeah... I'm going to stop writing stuff because nobody ever reads the written part of PTRs...
Now for awful pictures!
This is 30th Street Station in Philadelphia. It is not the place where Rocky ran up the steps after drinking five raw eggs during a sports story montage. That's the ART station.
This is a giant add about people who jump off an Aircraft carrier in Styrofoam airplanes, but for some reason it persuaded me to go buy a can of concentrated high fructose corn syrup. Strange...
All aboard the Hogwarts Express!
...that's the best joke I could think of. YEAH OK, SUE ME, Daniel Radcliffe!!! Everyone's seen your wiener anyway, so HA!
When the train gets to full speed, its going faster than the speed of light and all you can see out the window is this big green blur. I was thinking maybe we were tailgating the Millennium Falcon in hyper drive when Chewbacca barfed out the side window.
Mmmmmmm..... Sucrose is tasty!
Lets take a moment to review the included Safety guide!
Option two: how to become famous if you are an attendant,
Step one: Using colorful language, use the intercom system to address the passengers whom you have had disagreements with
Step Two: Open side door while still on runway in order to make escape
Step three: Don't forget to take two beers from the mini fridge before departing!
Step Four: Make hasty exit and get arrested, then become instant internet sensation!
I would say that's a GOOD IDEA!
I could have sworn this was warning me to avoid someone with the initials ST...
Looks like this paramedic is enjoying the view
hahahaha, look!!! HE DIED!!!
w00t!!! Techno for five hours!!! The Crystal Method FTW
This place sortof reminded me of that place that got blown up in the start of "War of the Worlds" only I don't really remember much from that movie, other than like, Dakota Fanning freaking out every four seconds and having her first period in the car, and that other scene where she was trying to pee but Tom Cruise kept chasing after her insisting he watched her pee, then she freaked out because there were dead bodies in the river and she thought that was scarier than Tom Cruise, even though i would personally disagree. I liked the part where the alien licky thing sucked up Tom Cruise and i thought he died, but then i was sad when they pulled him out, except the aliens exploded and that was funny. Then Morgan Freeman said something cool, but i forgot what it was. its just cool to listen to Morgan Freeman talk... Wait, what was i talking about again?
We pulled into this station and this other train was there just chilln', and i was like: HEY d00d, HRU? and he said back,
Whoa, it must take allot of skill for grafitti artists to be able to give their work a realistic motion blur effect.
About halfway through i passed through Baltimore. This is where they make salt, Under Armour and crabs.
Salt on crabs is pretty good, but Under Armour on crabs is not.
We stopped by and said hi to this other train named "Mark" only it was spelled Marc. He was a much nicer train than the "Imma firen mah lazer" guy.
MARC: Keeping your ass in transit since they first put salt on crabs!
Yeah, so for the rest of the train i decided to draw an insane cat with a flamethrower, because like the cat, I'm also slightly insane...
Yeah, so I eventually got to our hotel, the "Best Stern"
This is a picture of our hotel room. I can' t think of a joke so I'm just going to write a random celebrity in all capital letters to make myself look like a comedian who knows about pop culture. Ready?
We had an awesome view from our hotel room. It was sort of like that Disney Resort where theirs animals outside your window, only with rednecks in their native habitat of the south. I think i might have seen our Waffle House waitress!
Yeah, so this was the first hotel i had been to since having my mind blown out my anus by the movie Inception, so naturally when i walked down a hotel hallway it reminded me of that part where they were all fighting when the hallway was spinning, only this hotel had Hispanic cleaning ladies who blasted Latin music. That would be kindof cool in Inception though, if like, Leonardo Decarprion was floating through the hallway all like " Nooooo!!! everything is just one big dream" and then some random cleaning women came floating out saying "Housekeepie! You want Housekeepie?"
When we were walking to pizza hut I noticed that the burger king had a rescue squad in case you really needed a whopper but your World of Warcraft game was getting really intense!
Mmmmm.... Pizza the Hut
Pizza Hut makes Andrew (Pufferfish) want to do a Swan Dive!
O yea, we all BAMF