Post your favorite Monty Python quotes

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Postby Stitch » Mon Oct 03, 2005 4:34 pm

Chaplain: Let us praise God. O Lord...
Congregation: O Lord...
Chaplain: ...Ooh, You are so big...
Congregation: ...ooh, You are so big...
Chaplain: ...So absolutely huge.
Congregation: ...So absolutely huge.
Chaplain: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Congregation: Gosh, we're all really impressed down here, I can tell You.
Chaplain: Forgive us, O Lord, for this, our dreadful toadying, and...
Congregation: And barefaced flattery.
Chaplain: But You are so strong and, well, just so super.
Congregation: Fantastic.
Humphrey: Amen.
Congregation: Amen.
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Postby Louise » Mon Oct 03, 2005 5:34 pm

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!
Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.
Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!
Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!
Brian: Now, f*ck off!
[silence]
Arthur: How shall we f*ck off, O Lord?


Also, the whole "we are no longer the knights who say ni, we are now the knights who say eki eki" etc etc scene.

And the dead parrot sketch.

And everything else!! Sorry!! Can't limit it to one! I'll stop now! :? I love Monty Python!

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Postby Kroger8 » Mon Oct 03, 2005 7:36 pm

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu.."

"Skip a bit, Brother..."

"And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."


"What, the curtains???"

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Postby Stitch » Mon Oct 03, 2005 8:59 pm

Grim Reaper: Silence! I… have… come… for… you.
Angela: You mean… to…?
Grim Reaper: Take you… away. That is my purpose. I… am… Death.
Geoffrey: Well, that's cast rather a gloom over the evening, hasn't it?
Howard Katzenberg: I don't see it that way, Geoff. Let me tell you what we're dealing with here. A potentially positive learning experience that can—
Grim Reaper: SHUT UP! Shut up, you American! You always talk, you Americans. You talk, and you talk, and say "let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say this". Well, you're dead now, so shut up!
Howard Katzenberg: Dead?
Grim Reaper: Dead!
Angela: All of us?
Grim Reaper: All… of… you.
Geoffrey: Now, look here! You barge in here, quite uninvited, break glasses, and then announce, quite casually, that we're all dead. Well, I would remind you that you are a guest in this house, and—
[With a bony finger, the Grim Reaper pokes Geoffrey in the eye.]
Geoffrey: Ah! Oh.
Grim Reaper: Be quiet! Englishmen, you're all so f**king pompous, and none of you have got any balls.
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Postby Sir Clinksalot » Mon Oct 03, 2005 10:13 pm

Some more of my favorites.

"We are the keepers of the sacred words: Ni, Ping, and Neeee-wommmm!"

"Hello, good evening, and welcome to BLACKMAIL!"

"I am one who delights in all manifestations of the Terpsichorean muse!"

"Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake."

"Constable word that rhymes with Delores and I are from the hygiene squad."

"Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, nudge nudge, say no more?
Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, eh?
Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?"

"Penguins don't come from NEXT DOOR! They come from the Antarctic!"

"MY BRAIN HURTS."

"A spokesman for the parrots said he was very glad no parrots were involved."

"And now for something completely different."

OMG! A TALKING MUFFIN!
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Postby DATman » Mon Oct 03, 2005 11:40 pm

And now for 10 secconds of sex...
tick
tick
tick
tick
tick
tick
tick
tick
tick
tick
alright you can stop now...


and the classic-"YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMPSTER, AND YOUR FATHER SMELLED OF ELDERBERRIES"

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Postby Stitch » Tue Oct 04, 2005 12:58 am

King of Swamp Castle: When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. But the fourth one stayed up. And that's what you're going to get, Lad, the strongest castle in all of England.
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Postby FlyingScooter » Tue Oct 04, 2005 6:20 am

lady leaving house following Grim Reaper: I didn't even eat the Salmon Mousse.

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Postby dandaman » Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:15 am

We are now the knights who say, "Ikki ikki ikki paching zooboing zoowa"

*ni*
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Postby Token Yankee Guy » Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:35 am

"Your Mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!"


"OOOOOO"
"No, ughhhhhh, from the back of the throat"
"No, "oooooo" as in surprise and alarment"
"oh, you mean "AHHH!""
"Yes, that's it, AHHHHHHH!"
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