cfc

And the sad-and-pathetic tour of Water Country USA continues. And then there's the Wild Thang--but does it really make his "heart sing (sang)"? . . . but he chooses to go on a "Rampage" instead. He considers sacrificing a child to the shark god . . . . . . or the atomic wedgie of the Lemon Drop. Perhaps by enduring the extreme enema of the Peppermint Twist . . . Just how does one escape the existential terror that is the Hubba Hubba Highway? How can one cleanse one's soul after such an ordeal? Have you ever snacked with the devil in the pale moonlight? The mighty T. Rex, once the terror of the primeval world, is reduced to doing the hula for tourists. More weird scenes beside the Hubba Hubba Highway. Just what are these rogue alien appendages doing to floaters by?

Well, being as the weather was nearly perfect on Saturday, I pulled out the ol' Platinum Pass and cruised over the Water Country to do some slidin' and picture takin' all on my lonesome. Why? Three reasons: 1. I don't recall seeing any pics of WC on this site. 2. My local friends wouldn't be caught dead at BGE or WC. 3. My friends who are into water parks live hundreds of miles away. So, off I went to slide around, get drenched, and sunburn myself like a damn fool--yee haw! 'Twas a fun day, even for the sad and pathetic, with nice weather, a very small crowd, and virtually no waits. Highlights: 1. Aquazoid--This is the park's biggest, and best, slide. Most of it is in the dark with some lighting and sound effects (that is, the roaring of Aquazoid, a Godzilla-esque monster), and those four-person rafts really book and climb high on the flume's banked curves. 2. Hubba Hubba Highway--A fast-moving river with some retro "Route 66" themeing. The best way to enjoy this one is to strap on a life vest and just go with the flow. 3. Malibu Pipeline--Another slide that takes place in mostly pitch-black darkness (one- or two-person tubes). 4. Rampage--A short, steep slide on a tobbaggan, where you skim across the pool like a stone on a pond (scariest thing at WC, other than some of the guests). Now, a sad-and-pathetic photo tour of Water Country USA. He orders a cocktail at a roadside lounge. The sad-and-pathetic one walks the Hubba Hubba, where he sees a small boy berserk and drunk with power over those floating by. To say this aloud is almost as embarrassing as ordering IHOP's "Rooty-Tooty Good-and-Fruity" breakfast. Ah, he contemplates the soothing darkness that is the Malibu Pipeline--and wonders why the fellow in the center is sniffing his thumb. Does he know where his thumb has been? A closer look still fails to answer the question. (This "old-school" slide is pretty fast, though.) Hmm--Is this poor man's display one of domination or submission? And why this particular spelling of "pouf"? The H2O UFO hovers menacingly over carefree children at play. He is overwhelmed by the size and splendor that is Aquazoid--cutest lifeguard of the day, too. And, yes, Aquazoid--nothing says "fun" like "Incredible Destruction" and "Certain Cosmic Doom!" He also wonders about those who bob about in an articficial wave pool when there's a real ocean only an hour away (well, more like two hours in the summer). He ponders, with great sadness, those who do not know their heads from their feet. But the sun god mocks him: "No dive show for you today, o sad-and-pathetic one!" So, he consults a map, hoping to bring order to chaos. The sad-and-pathetic lone guest is immediately bewildered by the multiplicity of choices at WC.

Now that the Polar Plunge is over, Guy makes another obvious plea for attention.

^^^Yes, I saw you popping up in those pics, James. Remember--Freud said there are no accidents! Your sub-conscious is a camera hog! Looks like a great event; as for me, I had to "lead and serve" the state courts at work.

^So, we were ahead of our time back in 1971.

This is all I remember for sixth-grade camp at Old Oak Ranch in California: With a heel and a toe, And a heel and a toe, And slide, slide, slide! Repeat, repeat, repeat. That's as detailed as the directions got.

I concur with the others--depends on the ride. For example, hands up on Apollo's Chariot (a smooth ride with no OSRs), but I try to brace myself a bit on Anaconda (a rougher ride with OSRs).

et tu, Chuck? Actually I know you were referring to the paint job, but I can't help but stick up for my TOGOs no matter what. -James Well, now that I think about it, Volcano is probably uglier--rather "inelegant" looking at least (if a "blast" to ride--good colors, though). But my experience is rather limited compared to other folks on this site. Chuck

The last time I visited Dollywood was pre-Tennessee Tornado, so it's high time I got back there (thought the coolest ride was Blazing Fury). Daredevil Falls looks great, as does Thunderhead.

I've done WDW a few times with a friend who needs a wheelchair. I don't think you have to "buy" a special ticket, but you do have to get some sort of pass at guest relations at each park (if your disability isn't obvious). They also have brochures outlining procedures for disabled riders (for example, where do you enter--the regular queue or the exit?), which generally involve some sort of expedited boarding. I think you'll find that Disney is quite accomodating. Have a good time.

^I was thinking more in terms of Shockwave's paint job, Jeff. The coaster itself is not unnattractive--it would look better in, say, just blue and yellow. But those pastels . . .

^^All boys have the power to "sticky" once they reach adolescence.

I would say Shockwave at PKD, although it's not so much "ugly" as bizarre. Like someone went nuts with RCT2's "paint" feature.

"Tatsu is Chinese for . . . wh-a-a-a-a-t?!!"

^^I imagine the "green fluffy stuff" is the result of hydroseeding, where they spray a hilly area with a solution of grass seed and some brightly colored fertilizer glop. (They need the color to make sure they have full coverage.) They didn't mention that the "soylent green" fertilizer glop was made of people when I was a horticulture major at Cal Poly-SLO town. Learn something new everyday on TPR. Nice to see that my fifty bucks was put to good use!

^Thanks--nice "Viagra" gag, too.

Which one? Gallup? Knight-Ridder? Oh, poles . . .

You must learn the proper pronounciation of "Tatsu"! Assume the position!

Hmm--if the timing's right, you could hop on the DL Railroad at Tomorrowland Station and be at the main gate in just a few minutes; if not, probably best to just hoof it.

Is PKD the only Paramount park that doesn't have some ride named "Vortex"?

Nothing compares to the tedium of the updating and editing the annual directory of the Conference of Chief Justices and the Conference of State Court Administrators. Nothing but sentence fragments listing past jobs, achievements, awards, and honorary degrees. Oh, the pain, the pain . . .

In your first "Dole Whip" picture, it looked like your ice cream was chocolate dipped, then I realized it was just some woman's hair in the background. Why does Dole Whip deliver a more deadly brain freeze than any other ice cream? It does that to me, too.

Interesting list, well thought out. I'm looking forward to checking out Nemesis with the rest of the UK Trip crew this June. The thought of an inverted coaster in a pit intrigues me, too. DarKastle is a great ride, but not up to Spider-man (so I think you're on the money there). I think I would've included Disney's Indiana Jones ride as at least an honorable mention, mainly because it's Mr. Toad on mega-steroids (with fire)--it really pushes the envelope of dark-ride mechanical effects, I think.

^DuckSoup is the Marx Brothers' funniest movie. Groucho is Rufus T. Firefly, president of Freedonia, who is running the country into the ground because they were stupid enough to make him president. (Sounds rather familiar--hmm . . .) Zeppo is Groucho's aide. Chico and Harpo are spies from Freedonia's arch rival, Sylvania. How did you get through college without seeing Duck Soup? I weep for today's youth.

Fredonia, eh? Do you get a lot of "Rufus T. Firefly" jokes? (Groucho Marx was President Rufus T. Firefly of Freedonia in Duck Soup.) "Hail, hail Freedonia!" Remember--all he can "promise you is a Rufus over your head."