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Let's see . . . Close your eyes, click your heels together three times, then box your ears repeatedly with a crow bar in either hand for the true Drachenfire experience. Well, you might be able to walk through the loading station during Howl-o-Scream (when its Sleepless Hollow Manor).

^Thanks, Lou and Robb. Plenty of folks (such as Eric and Derek) are doing a good job with the overall experience, so I thought I'd zero in on the details. That borderline pornographic bunny ride at Oakwood is in the top ten of my guilty pleasures, too.

Two words for ya, Big Mike: road trip!

Hmm--thihk I'd go with the log ride at Knott's, Splash Mountain at WDW, and Dudley Do-Right at IOA.

They must've torn those trees out on Monday; I was there on Sunday and they hadn't started anything, as far as I could tell. Not sure what the story is regarding the gates on the ramps unless it has something to do with running all the lanes on I-64 west in the event of a hurricane evacuation (just a guess, though).

Sigh! My office isn't like that at all.

^I thought about including The Ultimate. When I rode it in the front train, it beat the living hell out of me. I bashed my right elbow on the first drop and my arm went numb (except for some tingling in my fingers). You can see me cradling my arm behind Robb in one of the update photos. After I got my feeling back, I rode it toward the back, which was actually OK (or maybe I just knew what to expect). You'll be pleased to know that this was Nigel's favorite ride.

^That's why they're called "guilty pleasures," dude; usually, you can't explain the appeal to others. Oh, well--I understand that this is the last season for X, anyway.

No. 50: Rattlesnake at Chessington. No. 100: Thunder at Tusenfyrd. Teeny Weeny has the honor of being no. 99. Hear that Thunder! Snake, rattle, and roll!

So, let's come clean here--what are your sick, twisted pleasures? Things that tickle you, yet are hated by others? What are your "guilty pleasures"? Ah, yes--the movies of Edward D. Wood, Jr., the music of the Tubes, tater tots . . . I love 'em all, low brow or reviled as they are. So, allow me to take a little of your time by sharing my Top 5 Guilty Pleasures of TPR's UK Tour. 5. The Chicken Curry Jacket of Great Yarmouth Pleasure Beach: Sure it looked like a potato that had been puked on by a giant condor, perhaps in preparation for feeding it to her hatchlings. But it was good, damn it! 4. The Rattlesnake at Chessington: Yes, this was one brutal, punishing steel wild mouse. It slammed you about on its hairpin turns, gave you cheap shots to the gut on its brake runs, and should've provided referrals to local chiropractors at the exit. But its very un-PC "Mexican" themeing was a riot, and it holds a special place in my heart as credit no. 50 (no. 100 was Thunder at Tusenfyrd, BTW). 3. X:\No Way Out at Thorpe: Yes, I know--it makes no sense at all, with its backwards course and stopping and starting and shimmying and shaking. Yet, I couldn't help but like the friggin' thing. The utter futility of the ride was just so oddly endearing and appealing, like a lost dog nobody wants. X achieves a level of stupidity that makes it a winner--the Plan 9 of coasters. 2. The Coney Beach Experience: Where else can you find the country charm of the midway of the Stanislaus County Fair in Turlock, Calif., along with the seaside ambience of the departed Long Beach Pike? All the rides at Coney Beach looked like they had done their time on the fun-fair circuit and had settled there to retire. The nice elderly couple who ran the "Faggots and Peas" stand sealed the deal here for me: "So, ye want any mushy peas with your fish and chips?" "Er, no thank you." "Ah, afraid it'll give ye the wind, eh?" The lack of certification for the rides was just icing on the cake. Coney Beach, I salute you. 1. The Pirate Adventure at Drayton Manor: This was actually a bright spot for me at Drayton, believe it or not (along with Apocalypse and The Haunting). Yes, it's a cheesy ripoff that lifts shamelessly from Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean; hell, it even stole the lame midride drop from the Florida version as well as the "Pepper's Ghost" effect from the Haunted Mansion. Yet, I wager that when this ride was new, it was pretty cool, and with a little TLC, could be cool again (as long as they remember to keep the exit doors shut). Pics are next. Now, if you'll excuse me, some station somewhere must be showing Attack of the 50-Foot Woman (the original version with Allison Hayes, of course). "Aye, a blatant plunderin' of Disney," sez you! "Arghh, but we uses a goat 'stead of a dog," sez I! Arghh! Hard about! Put our rudder to that disturbin' she male! Aye, here be one spirited wench, at least. Avast! Belay that booty call, ye brazen wench! Least ways till ye fixes yer face. Aye, there be booty fer all, sez I! Ahoy! Allow me to take ye on a quick tour of the Spanish Main, before me mate here has another coniption, like! . . . even if you're on the DEATH RIDE! Remember--it's safety first at Coney Beach . . . I wonder if Coney is paying Christopher Lee any royalties for using his face? Who will ever forget the "Happy Gator Incident" at Coney Beach? Certainly not these unfortunate souls. I bonded with X. I wonder if Jim Morrison had this in mind when he sang "ride the snake" in "The End"? (Most likely not.) Mmm--just look at the chicken-curry goodness, splattered all over those carbohydrates. I wonder if they deep fry these in the States?

But as for the "Guys of TPR Calendar," I don't imagine anybody wants to go there.

That little train coaster actually looks like fun. I've never ventured onto the Jersey shore, mainly because I've been too busy crusiing on the Turnpike toward NYC. Thanks for the pics.

^^Kumba, You're thinking about the Enchanted Labratory, and it was a better show than Castle O'Sullivan. The dragon was pretty cool, and he did show up as a Howl-o-Scream train-ride prop one year.

^Looks like an enormous game of Pac-Man.

And I'll let anyone know if I see anonymous track cruising through the 'Burg. Hey, maybe I can follow it on a bike and the satellite can lock onto my bald spot as a marker.

^I agree. Although I think Corkscrew Hill is OK and beats the hell out of its predecessor, King Arthur's Challenge of the Fuzzy, Low-Res Computer Graphics, Questor was the best of BGE's simulators. The queue had a good animatronic preshow; besides, I miss the puppet dinosaurs.

Hmm--I always thought it kind of reeked. But it's got nothing on theme-park water in the UK in terms of stench.

Yes, if we weren't special people before, we are special people now.

^Yes! You flee from a diseased flock of pigeons until you splashdown in pool of vaccine!

I used to post fairly often to TPI, but migrated to TPR (the forum here is much better and much more fun). Their best feature is their "1 to 10" rating system for attractions (I posted comments and rated UK attractions there after returning from the trip.) I've uploaded some photos there, too (mostly of PKD and BGE, naturally). Robert Niles used to cover the "theme-park beat" for the LA Times, so he's pretty savvy when it comes to getting coverage. (The Times dropped that beat, though.) As pleased as I was to see my home park win this "award," I tend to take it (and other such awards) with a rather large grain of salt. TPI doesn't formally "poll" its members; rather, I think the results come from gauging comments people have made about the parks and looking at what sort of ratings numbers the attractions receive. (In fact, I really don't understand how it works at all, because they don't come out and ask members "Which park is the best?") So, there are some useful features to TPI; I just don't think the awards are one of them.

^"Different strokes for different folks." "And variety is the spice of life."

^^I think DarKastle is pretty damn good, although not as good as Spider-man, which also had the advantage of working with established characters. It was a pretty bold move on BGE's part, and they deserve a lot of credit for taking the dark-ride plunge in such a big way. It adds a new dimension to the place.

It might be time to start an "official BGE's new ride" thread.

Hmm--interesting how many posters have focused on the "ferris-wheel-sex" question. Tsk, tsk, tsk . . . (Perhaps this couple thought they were at Six Flags Bangkok or something. Mind out of the gutter, Chuck!) I've yet to set foot in a Six Flags park, even though SFA is only about three hours away (from what I've read here, maybe that's the one to visit now--perhaps this summer, if I can meet some TPR folks there).

Actually, the Kingsmill folks look like major BGE fans next to this, shall we say, "eccentric" old British couple. What kills me is that you can't even hear Oblivion running when you're on the other side of the park, much less in the town.