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You'll have to pry my time zone from my cold, dead hands! Wait, that's the NRA. My bad.

If so, I suspect that much suggestive tomfoolery and many hijinks will ensue. Excellent report, Ted.

Good stuff, Rich. Call Quentin Tarantino--looks like Kristie is auditioning for "Chicks with Guns II."

"Magnus Colossus" would be a great name for a condom. Hello! I'm not an actual Greek God, but I do play one at a Spanish theme park. And when I need "protection," I always reach for a Magnus Colossus! Stronger than Hercules! More pliable than Hera! The Official Prophylactic of Mt. Olympus!

The poem should definitely be the last word on the update "controversy." The whole Spain experience sounds great--is it time for Japan yet?

Yep, and Europa Park and Parque de attractiones Madrid have it too. The film is called Pandavision. So if you see that name somewhere, run away as fast as you can. Yeah, we had to ride up a big-ass escalator to see that freakin' flick at Liseberg. Sitting through it actually makes you want to denude a rainforest.

^If you click on the photos, guys, you can see larger versions. Just thought I'd throw that in. Were people actually riding Skull Mountain? That ride's always been problematic.

Great job, Morgan--the POV of the "wet/dry" slide took guts!

The film was made as a joint project from the Efteling and WWF. Sounds like the 3D flick at Liseberg. Did each scene end with some critter's habitat being destroyed through the fiendish machinations of man?

Very cool--looks like KT is having an awesome time.

OK, Wes--time for you to ban yourself!

^I can see how its pinkness and flacidity could've fooled you, though.

Or a bit of a "stiffy."

Ah, yes--I remember it well. I was a mere lad of 14, and I had secured a summer position with a group of mercenaries, mostly Foreign Legion rejects, to fight for the insurgency in Goomrot--a small, insignificant principality in the Gingivitis Mountain Range. Yes, "Bloody Goomrot" we used to call it. My job was to run ammunition to the border, make photo copies, and brew coffee. One day, while I was grinding the coffee beans and milking the goat before the usual morning staff meeting, our camp was overrun by government forces, who not only took me captive, but drank all the bloody coffee, ate all our danish, and killed the goat! Barbarians! They held me in a cave to await interrogation, but I was not alone. Lurking in the shadows was Drucilla, a lusty peasant wench who claimed to be a descendant of the gypsies who once served Vlad the Impaler, ruler of Transylvania. Thinking that this would be her last day on Earth, she wrapped her arms around me and plastered her lush, ripe mouth over mine, achieving an incredibly powerful vapor lock! Unfortunately, all she was after was the last bit of goat meat I had just eaten (poor wench was starving). I also learned how that mountain range had earned its name. So, to this day, I remember to floss.

A utility belt? My god, it was Batman!

Words, words, words.

A good salesman knows the value of free samples, Mike. Unless, of course, you have nothing to sell.

^BG in Tampa is quite beautifully themed, even though I think Euroburg is the prettier of the two parks. Busch has avoided the temptation to "de-theme" their parks, thank god.

Good God, "plane on a stick" looks like a giant version of those plane toys you twirl over your head. Glad to see that everyone survived.

The Volcano queue kind of smells like that, too. Glad you had a good time. As for the crowds, they were all at Busch Gardems, I think--that place is always a madhouse on the Fourth. And, hell, I can snap the KD flyers, and I'm not all that skilled. (Of course, the last time I rode them there was a pretty stiff breeze.) I'll check out Carowinds' flyers the next time I'm down there.

How can you not love a ride that's run by drunken monkeys? Thanks for the video, Robb--excellent, as usual.

If anyone else complains about the lack of updates, I'm posting a picture of me wearing a Speedo. Believe me, you don't want to see that! I know a lot of people are anxious to read updates about the TPR fun in Spain. Heck, I'm anxious too and excited to see an update! I do understand R&E are busy with the trip, guiding the TPR peeps around, taking care of KT, bathing and washing, and making passionate love in the hotel room. So I say ease off and let R&E post the updates when they can! *gets off soapbox* Emphasis added. I call shenanigans, flim-flam, tomfoolery, poppycock, and folderol! That being said, I definitely do not want to see a picture of Mr. Hom in a Speedo.

^Amen. Robb, you and Elissa have been bending over backwards, forwards, and every-other-which-a-wards (why do I think Guy is seriously turned on right now?) to organize these trips--no need to kill yourselves with daily updates. Besides, I think our instant-gratification culture needs a good whack upside the head every now and then.

Si--show us your hole card, gringo! I hope that Robb is having so much fun that he hasn't had a chance for another update--he, Elissa, and KT deserve a good night's sleep, too.