cfc

A Day at Animal Kingdom, a Night at Disney-MGM Ward was still tied up for a half-day on Saturday, so I was on my own, but not sad-and-pathetic. Erik came down from Gainesville to spend the day with us, and help guide us through AK and the Studios. This was mostly new terrirory to Ward. AK didn't exist the last time he was at WDW, and the Studios didn't even have the Tower of Terror. Expedition: Everest was top on his list, too. There were a few firsts for me, as well. First, hanging out with Erik--we had a great time. Second, the Kali River Rapids, where we both learned a valuable lesson: it is unwise to tempt Kali twice in one day! Third, the right side of the Primeval Whirl. Fast passes and Everest's single-rider line came in pretty handy, too. Here's a look at how our day went. Two honorary bugs. Ward liked the Bug flick--so far, so good. More AK pics to come. "Hey, get your finger outta that ape's nose! You want Dad to holler at us?" While waiting for Ward to arrive at It's Tough to Be a Bug, I taught a gorilla some proper grooming habits. Hmm--I think AK may be full of environmental-type messages. But being as I'm an American, I'm just not sure. Hey, kids! Can you find the Hidden Mickey? Erik loves showing off his huge, furry Yeti balls! "I'm ridin' Expedition: Everest/Yeti keeps hangin' on!/But the train keeps a rollin',/Back down to ol' Nep-a-a-a-l!" I hear the train a'comin'/It's comin' round the bend!/And I didn't think the stand-by/Line would ever end!" Erik looks like he's taking an annoying, moronic cousin on Everest. Why, this fountain kicks up a much bigger wave! Pfft! That all you got, Kali? And it has a beautiful queue house. Yeah, it's a short ride, but fun. Kali respected the awesome power of our fast passes and left us only somewhat wet. Back for our first ride on the Kali River Rapids. Yeah, sez you, lizard breath! We mammals so kicked your butts! We were both mesmerized by Chester and Hester's awesome technology! And now, Erik in X-treme close up on the Primeval Whirl. Hmm--looking pretty ominous. So, we hopped in a nearby convertible and cruised off to Chester and Hester's Dinorama (gotta love the AK transportation system). We fast-passed Kail and ambled over to Everest--the sherpas had their hands full that day between crowds and t-storms. Yes, Animal Kingdom, which is reigned over by a giant head of broccoli. (Shouldn't it be "Vegetable Kingdom"?) Erik picked me up at Downtown Disney in his "party van," thus getting our day off to a ___ ____ Awesome start! (PHoto by Erik Johnson)

Beyond the Valley of the Sad-and-Pathetic Day at the Magic Kingdom! Well, it's kinda crowded and there's some sort of parade coming--time to head out. Next up, the Animal Kingdom and Disney-MGM. Our intrepid skipper shows us what to do in the event we should sight Angus! Oh, yeah--Angus McNasty! Yes, it's right on the tip of my tongue . . . OK, this reminds me of whom? I actually fast-passed the Jungle Cruise to go ride Barnstormer, the train, and TTA. I've heard of this talking trash can, but this is the first time I've seen it action. Most of the kids seemed a bit freaked by the future of sanitation. Sorry, dude--this train is people only! Now this is the way to ride the Peoplemover. And the transport system of tomorrow, today! Now this is something DL should bring back. Time to check out the park's transportation system, starting with the steam train. Frankly, I like the scenery at DL better. Yes, the elusive credit #161 is mine at last! Too bad I don't have a sign to hold up. Hot damn tamale! The Barnstormer is open again! This is pretty much like the old Swiss Family Treehouse at DL, only with a nifty suspension bridge. "Ill-fated" is the polite term for "doomed" or "screwed." And there's always the refreshing taste of Dole Whip. 'Bout this much, I reckon. Well, still beats hell outta food at Kings Dominion. I shore am powerful hungry! Wonder what $10.10'll get me here? Yee haw! Fast-pass time fer BTMM at last! "But they plays a mean game of chess," sez I! Queen takes rook, ya swab! "Dead men tell no tales," sez you! Ahoy! Stripped down version of a classic Disney attraction off the port bow!

Evenin' all, I just got back yesterday from an excellent weekend at WDW. Yes, I went to WDW in July and over a weekend because 1. I'm hopelessly insane, and 2. My older brother, Ward, was making a presentation at the annual conference of the Association of Government Attorneys in Capital Litigation (AGACL) at the Lake Buena Vista Palace (a very nice joint). Yes, he begged, nay, pleaded for me to come down to Florida and hang out with him! So I, ever so reluctantly, agreed. (By now, you know that I'm hopelessly full of crap--it didn't take any urging at all. Besides, how could I turn down the now president of AGACL, especially when he was offering me an assoication t-shirt?) So, we spent two nights in the penthouse, and after the conference ended, moved to the outhouse (aka the Motel 6 Maingate West, which was actually pretty decent, amazingly quiet for a 6, and pretty close to WDW on Rt. 192--a bargain at $37/night). The resort was a bit crowded, but not unmanageable (lighter than I'd expected, actually). Ward hadn't been to WDW since the 1990s, so there was plenty of new stuff for him to check out (such as Animal Kingdom and the Tower of Terror). And we had a great time hanging out with the "original" Erik Johnson at AK and the Studios on Saturday. But on Friday, Ward had a full day of AGACL stuff, so I had to spend . . . A Sad-and-Pathetic Day at the Magic Kingdom So, I ambled over to MK to do the usual big stuff (the mountains, Pirates, etc.)--along with some stuff I've never done: 1. Goofy's Barnstormer--a nicely themed Vekoma rollerskater, which had two trains and remarkably efficient operations. 2. Monster Inc. Laugh Floor--this was all new to me, and I was pleasantly surprised. I'd read some pretty negative reviews of this new "interactive" show earlier this year, but I found it to be fairly enjoyable--a solid "C or D coupon" attraction. 3. The train--yes, I've never bothered with the MK railroad before. 4. The park's opening ceremony--this is the first time I've been there early enough to see it. Here's the day in pictures. Hey, you on the log. Yes, those are real birds--and be happy they're confining their filthy business to that rock. More to come. Pictures, that is, not "filthy business." (I think.) As have these pathetic fools! Remember--you have been warned! So, with the Barnstormer credit temporarily denied, I fast-passed Big Thunder and queued up for Splash. Good thing I did--it was 15-minute wait in the morning, but closer to 70 minutes that afternoon. Goofy crucifies himself in shame, and a hungry crow has pecked out his eyes! "Gawrsh, Chip 'n' Dale! We're stuck on my own ride! What ya might kinda call ironical or somethin'." Hmm--from the looks of that fetid cloud, I think one of the the Disney characters on stage must've ate at Taco Bell last night. I was suprised that I actually kind of liked this. It hardly breaks new ground in comedy, but it's pleasant enough. "So, Zurgie--while you do time in my jail, you and me are gonna be good buddies, long as you behave, right?" My god! Emperor Zurg has blasted Buzz Lightyear's face clean off! He'll pay for this heinous act! . . . while under the protection of robot overlords. Where people can do it "Matterhorn style" . . . Our objective? Space Mountain! And, thus, we crossed the vast "Nexus of Suck" (Copyright 2007 Theme Park Review. Used without permission.) And so, at the urging of his Magical, Majestic Kingliness, we stampede through the Magic Portal. "Yes, behold the power of the Magic King!" "All will bow before me, the Magic King!" You know, when I was a kid, we were quite content with the national anthem followed by dropping the rope on Main Street. . . . a hearty breakfast! The sad-and-pathetic single rider waits to enter the Magic Kingdom. But remember, kids--TPR always stresses the importance of . . .

Very cool, indeed--I like the old 1950s version, too. (Adding a "giant carrot" monster to the maze as a gag would be hilarious.) I remember being quite freaked out when the thing bit that poor guy's arms off.

The husband of one of my coworkers is in the Naval Reserves, and he's on the ground in Iraq as part of the diplomatic section in the Green Zone. Pretty rough on her and their two sons. Keep your head down, indeed, Chris--and stay as safe as you can. Chuck

"Lick, smile, then repeat" can be applied to so many other activities. The echo chamber is pretty cool. Sleeping Beauty's Castle at Disneyland used to have a "bottomless pit" echo chamber, but they took it out when they upgraded the now-closed walkthrough, which might be reopening, if Miceage is correct.

1. That 2. Because shredding forces the chees molecules to move at a terrific rate to maintain their structural integrity, thus releasing more cheesy goodness. Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? (This is actually a song title.)

^ & ^^A chick with a gun leg--Maybe a "cyborg hermaphrodite"? Imagine what Ed Wood would've done with such a concept. "Glen or Glenda II: I Changed My Leg!" "These girls will get you both coming and going!"

^I must beg to differ here--"misremembering" is, indeed, a word.

Must . . . resist . . . obvious . . . straight . . . line . . . Here Chuck, I'll do it for you.... One picture does, indeed, speak a thousand words.

Must . . . resist . . . obvious . . . straight . . . line . . .

It's more like a musty hole with random crap in it--but there is the wonderful air conditioning. And during Fearfest it becomes the . . . . . . or the Curse of the Misused Apostrophe!

That picture of you chowing down on Kristen's arm is the best KT photo yet--she really looks horrified! I so want to check the worst dark ride ever!

Thanks for the update, Jahan. Looks like Batman forgot his Bat Bike Clips (surely he had a pair in his Utility Belt).

Awesome. I look forward to getting those sweet AARP discounts. Maybe TPR will offer an AARP discount on the trips some day. I'm afraid you'll have to wait until you're in your 50s for those sweet discounts; when you hit 60, you'll be issued a bow tie, black wingtips, white socks, and sans-a-belt pants you can hike up to your nipples.

^Actually, AARP will start sending you their propaganda when you're in your mid-30s--at least that's what they did to me!

^It's OK, Steve--ginzo will be one of us soon enough! Heh, heh, heh! Yes, already the clock is ticking! AARP will be sending you a membership application before you know it, ginzo! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

He's stong to the finach, 'Cause he eats his spinach! He's Big Mike the Sailor Man! Toot toot!

Chuck, if Robb can catch your death on the ropes course, think of the marketing brilliance he'll have for the DVD!!! Indeed! TPR could hold the "Chuck (cfc) Memorial Theme-Park Tour," with all of the "unused" portion of patrons' fees donated to the "Chuck Campbell Memorial Foundation for Preventing the Deaths of Middle-Aged Men and Women Through Moronic Amusement-Park Antics." I'll be sure to include an endowment for the foundation in my will.

Worked for me, Fred--what an "interesting" place. Perhaps Neptune wanted revenge on whoever was responsible for those scary clown cans.

^Can't we all just get along?

Robb, these POVs of Troy, GeForce, and other butt-kickin' rides equal marketing brillance for next year's European tour. I would probably die a horrible death on that ropes course.

On the UK trip, there were a number of people who liked to hang out at the hotel bars--there were also quite a few people who didn't. "Partying" was not a "required" activitiy (as in, no one was pressured to go out drinking). I'm sure on any of these trips that you could find a number of folks who would be interested in spending their evenings some other way, so don't let the bar pictures discourage you.

Cool--I've never been on a rapids ride where they hauled the rafts out of the water like that for loading and unloading--or am I just misunderstanding the picture? Good stuff, emo boy.

Looks like you made an excellent tour for yourself, Tom--thanks for the TR.