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Not For Sale

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Everything posted by Not For Sale

  1. All I have to say is that there's been nothing but positive comments from people that have ridden. Stop complaining and being a sourpuss.
  2. I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I don't see a buss bar in that concept art...
  3. Adam and I take full responsibility for this decision. [piers]You're welcome[/piers]
  4. The Bryan and Adam Show Go IAAPA! Ah, it's that time of year again. The air is slightly less humid, the driving is slightly less Outrun-y, and Adam's horn recedes. It must mean it's time to go IAAPA! We got some notes from Coca-Cola (proud Bryan and Adam Show sponsor) that we need to "sex it up" a little bit. Whoa whoa whoa. They said a LITTLE. By the way this building has a Delorean on top of it. Y'know, 'cause future. There was a bunch of these laser mazes this year. It's like lasers just became cheap enough to use. That can't be it, right? Sincere question. Adam had to take a bathroom break after the lady touched him. He came out 3 minutes later, looked exhausted, took a quick nap, then was ready for more show. I JUST AGAIN ALL OVER MYSELF A wild Texas appears! Adam got very upset by this. They had a dance battle to prove dominance whoops I forgot to get a picture oh well guess you'll just have to believe me We really had a funovating time there. Just got a call from corporate. They said to TONE IT WAY DOWN And then Adam spotted it. And lept inside, shocking the security guard (pictured). Then, suddenly, ennui. You have to understand, doing the Bryan and Adam Show has made us extremely wealthy. We have so much money that if the moon is JUST RIGHT, cash will orbit around us. Oh, I should mention, we were shown around IAAPA via hovercraft. With a security detail. Texas had to walk. And then I took a little demo of this weather controlling machine. It claims to be able to cause hurricanes. Maniacal laugh! Maniacal laugh! Now, to finally destroy the Bat-man! Here's some unsolicited advice: don't sell cheesy hot dog bites and mini do[ugh]nuts at the same time. You guys, we are SO wacky! Yes, ketchup seasoning. If you can't read that on the bottom it says "Great for: potatoes, veggies [not including potatoes], burgers, chicken, pasta, soup, bread, yogurt, cereal, and lollipops." I don't know what this is but I think rich people have these things so I want it. You guys, they got all 9 dimensions in one movie! Let's count them off, shall we? There's the x, y, and z planes as your standard 3 dimensions. Then time. After that there's touching tasting seeing hearing smelling and getting sprayed with water. That's all 9, right? FIESTA HOY Look! It's my favorite character! The Foot Locker Bear(?)! So Adam barged into this booth and was all LET ME SLIDE DOWN THIS ON A TUBE And they were all K And then he kinda just sat there a while. It was weird. We directed the hovercrafts in the direction of outdoors. I guess we can ride something. Wait, what's this? I thought it was some sort of moving tree, considering its colors. They really had me fooled there! The moving tree ride was fun but I still resent it for tricking me. So we went back inside and found this, the ice cream of the future! In the future, using the letter Z instead of an S is not considered condescending! Then we went back to see our employers Adam tried Slurm. He says it's highly addictive. Also they told us to sex it up again. They need to make up their minds because we can't handle these mixed messages. You guys. Rasta mushrooms. You. Guys. This bag is also a liar. This car is purple. That's a real person. These captions are difficult to write. Here's Adam, ladies. Here's ALL of Adam. ...Ladies Oh by the way he's about to do the ropes course ...Ladies. And now begins a brief section, entitled "The worst pictures of Adam" This one speaks magnitudes. Thus concludes the section, "The worst pictures of Adam". Thank you. I can't even I don't know do you really need me to make a joke about this? So Adam has started doing this weird thing where he acts normal, then every few steps he takes, he poses and stares right into the camera. I'm not saying it's bad (it is) or stupid (it is), but maybe he's just gotten so used to the paparazzi that he just plays along now. Or maybe it's some sort of sick compulsion and he gets his jollies off from it... Yeah, yeah, definitely that last one. I yelled up to him "I'M GOING TO TELL THEM YOUR SECRET" But it only made him mug even more! It's like he wants people to know. He's a sick, sick man. Then he started touching himself, and then it got weird for everyone. I had to take a step away. Not literally step, of course. I hovered away. I decided I'd go panning for ...stuff... to get my mind off of it. And voila! Stuff! That bag is in one of the 300 bags of crap, and boy is it. I heard SeaWorld was impressed with Potter's ride system so they're going to use this one for Antarctica. Oh! I found Adam! We went to go pull some frog tongues together, which sounds like a euphemism. Because it is. We went to go murder some people. Notice how the professor has no students? Notice how he's sobbing? We pulled so many frog tongues. Babies making babies! A paradox! Gasp! And then I was all "Get a load of this chump's hovercraft! He drives it himself! Chump!" And that's the abrupt end to The Bryan and Adam Show Go IAAPA. Hope you liked it, and thank you for reading. I'm gonna go pass out now.
  5. Bryan and Adam, in their Odd-est-venture yet! Since I don't actually say it in the update: Stay far, far away from Bonanza Golf. Now, enjoy. Welcome to Bonanza Golf, located on beautiful Cici's Mountain! See? Little known fact: all of this is naturally occurring. Oh! we must be in the right place. Also, I found a free knife in this cool themed bench that they had! Sometimes it's nice just to enjoy nature. Natural nature. Supplies in hand, Bryan and Adam set off for odd-venture. First, the art gallery. This piece was from 2006 and done via graphite on painted wood. Just to think, this took millions of years to form. Moishe had us play on the gold nugget course. I wonder why. Good thing I kept that knife. Clearly someone forgot their hiking gear. http://boingboing.net/2011/11/01/pictures-of-people-about-to-smash-something-but-they-obviously-arent-really.html Fact: Adam is 90. It's so weird how the grass is 2 different colors. The bottom one must be nutrient-rich from people shitting themselves with excitement. Ew gross don't touch it And of course it got stuck in there. What did you think would happen? If you'd like to see golf ball POV, click "like" on Facebook. Anywhere. All of a sudden, Adam started scheming. "First off, I'm going to tell those punks to get off my lawn, then..." "I won't break my hip because I hear it's very expensive, then..." "Oh. That was all." It's really quite beautiful here. Grant W... Where have I heard that before? I should explain: these are called "cave paintings". While they appear to be coherent thought, they aren't. Some used tools such as "cray-on" to draw their crude ramblings. While others used bird poop. This one is particularly interesting, as it shows not all of these people were neanderthals. Some were bears. It truly is a sight to behold. What's amazing is how you can just drive through the mountain to and from the parking lot. It's a shame that they put these GOLF signs up though. They really ruin the tranquil environment. Not a joke: This place is called "Ace Plus Chinese Buffet". I swear. OH GOD TOO MUCH ACE PLUS BUFFET Adam drank a lot of water. Because he didn't want to pay for a soda. And then Adam noticed my grey hair. Doesn't change the fact that Adam is 90. Adam told me we needed to really "sex it up". Then he told me to "sex it down". "Stop telling me to cut my arm off with a Swiss army knife. It's weirding me out. I'm staying up here until you calm down." I found some nice holes. I wish I was spelunking certified. Adam is scuba certified. Don't bother asking him about it, he'll remind you every 5 minutes you talk to him. Here's the thing about these more "rustic" courses: their ground tends to be uneven, leading to "ripples" in the grass. And then we noticed... They've been mining Cici's Mountain! The Bryan and Adam Show would like to remind you that delicious and refreshing Coca-Cola classic does not associate itself with the mining of Cici's Mountain and this is purely incidental. And we started to realize... There's gold in that there mine! Newly rich, we decided to hit up the local saloon. On second thought... Let's just get this over with. Done with the course, we decided to go further into the mountain to take a look at the locals' shop. We're real impulse shoppers, especially after coming into such a fortune. "I just gotta have it!" Adam asked the man at the counter if he could sell him the metal poles so he can hang it up as high as possible. He could, so Adam bought. And we couldn't resist the antiques! If you don't like this, you're a jerk. Oh, wait, no. It just means you're an adult. Yeah, if you don't like this, you're an adult. "This seems ill-advised! I'll take them all!" And that was the last cent I had. So I stole everything else that I wanted. Cheese it! It's the sherief! GATOR! RUN! TILLY! RUN! QUICK! IN THE WATER! After days at sea, we finally found land. It seemed to be some remote island off of Florida. Indeed, it was! "Well, since we can't go back to the mainland..." "Hey wait a second! We're saved!" "Bryan, let it go. We're going back to Orlando." So we made the long trek back. This time by foot. "DIRECTIONS CONFUSE ME SOMETIMES BUT I'M GOOD AT THIS ONE" And we made it! Thanks so much for reading. We do really appreciate it. We work pretty hard on these, so we always appreciate when people take the time to reply. Who knows, maybe it'll inspire us to do some more updates.
  6. ^It's just a way of Disney "preserving the magic" with MK (like no drinking and the TTC nonsense). I had no idea that it was just restricted to MK though, I thought it was all Disney property. Also I'm very jealous that Adam got to do this.
  7. Surprise! Trip report! We are about to embark on an incredible journey, such as a turtle does, we were told. Our first stop: Manta 's aquarium! God tried to hide this mistake in the water. It's not our place to call him out like this. "Oh... Hello, jew-god... I was just kidding about all of that" "It was Adam, I swear!" "It wasn't me!" "I was with here with the children..." And then jew-god scrambled my brain up into just a terrible mess To get my brain back in order, we went to go see the most coherent thing possible: Blue Horizons. "HEY BRYAN REMEMBER ME FROM YOUR NIGHTMARES?" Oh god is this really happening? You look pretty big for a bird! Ohhhh! It's not a bird, it's just an actress playing a person with brain damage. During my haze after smitten, I briefly understood the message and/or story behind this. Too bad that's gone. This is the last bird lady picture and I just realized I could've written some pretty funny bird on a stick stuff. Just imagine that happened. Would've been great, huh? We left the show early due to not having seats and being bored, and Adam had me do this, and I'm unintentionally making the international symbol for "I'm Shamu" Then we took the boat out for a spin, or a float. NOT ANOTHER ONE I'm beginning to think I'm getting cursed by jew-god Hi Jake SO THIRSTY NEED FOUNTAIN So then Adam took us to go ride the new Star Tours I think It's amazing how empty the queue was! We almost walked on! This is called a Wampa. This is also a caption Adam will probably tell me doesn't work because the reference is off. This is a Tattooine or whatever. Disney always puts in the nicest little touches into their attractions Because nothing ever goes wrong in a Disney ride! Lol! Seems weird that they would put this in a ride that just opened. Must be some sort of reference. I love it! Super stoked! Glasses free 3d! The cabins look really different, they went for an "outdated" look, and I love it! Great job, Disney! Then we got off the ride (we got Hoth this time) and checked out the cool post-show area. Here you see Adam confusing Star Trek for Star Wars! What an idiot! There were some cool animatronics there Like Admiral Akbar! By the way, I'm refusing to look up the spelling of any of this nonsense. Enjoy your nightmares. Oh no, what is it?! Must be some sort of mistake. They almost put "Wild Arctic" on there, which is actually a SeaWorld attraction! It just says "Wild Artic" on it though. Fun fact: This checkers game is actually in a stalemate, which is why there are skeletons still playing! It's nice to have fun! Oh cool! My Indiana Jones decoder will come in use here! Then Adam went in the Ewok Experience Aw, he's shy! Don't feed the Adam. He'll complain about you not serving chicken nuggets. And then he decided he didn't want to be an Ewok after all Cool! you can see how your hand prints compare to NBA players' hands! Wait a second... Disney doesn't serve Pepsi... OH GOD THAT'S RIGHT! WE WERE IN SEAWORLD! THIS IS ALL MAKING SO MUCH MORE SENSE TO ME Oh god, we ARE at SeaWorld! Oh, hi Erik We went to see One Ocean after our "incident" They have this set up so you entertain yourself before the animals feast on human flesh The person that did this one certainly couldn't have been happy with the results, right? "Look at how much fun you could be having!" Then it was time to Swim to the Face Go Merlin! Get to the face! The point of Swim to the Face is to start people off easy with the idea of people being fed to animals. Merlin won and got to eat a face! Then they do the traditional salute to all nations but mostly America Finally, the show is starting, and it starts off with a SPLASH! Get it?! This is an interesting shot: you can see the subtle human silhouette on screen that they use to entice the animals into jumping, thinking they'll get to eat the human (they won't, yet) Erik is totally ok with this. He's so oddventerous. Seconds later, this whale reached over and chomped down on her You can see the blood on its mouth. I can't believe this is happening this day and age. "I am prepared for this. I have no regrets" "May jew-god bless you" This is the symbol for "don't eat me" Which, of course, we raised proudly YOU'RE ALL MONSTERS "You're next." I was mortified by all of this. But I do love this hip angle! EXTREEEEEEME "Hey Erik, you want to make an ironically detached pose for this picture? You do? Great" "One more, just make this one look like you're visibly frustrated with us. You're doing great" After the park, Adam and I hit up a food truck festival thing. Left is Winter Park Fish Co, right is the Crooked Spoon Left, Yum Yum Cupcake Truck, right is Korean BBQ Taco Box Drinks and dessert menu for Big Wheel Provisions. They change their menu for each god damn meal somehow. I got a blueberry soda, which was a lot better than it sounds Adam and I split sriracha deviled eggs. He got a key lime soda (homemade). It was bad. Him and Grant (oh, by the way, Grant was there) split bacon and brown sugar fries. They said they were pretty much regular fries. Treehouse Truck's menu. This place is awesome but it's one of those places that seem to be trying to prove a point by how unhealthy they are. Example: the Luther burger: 2 Krispy Kreme doughnuts with a bacon cheeseburger in the middle. Grant ate most of this, somehow. I could never look him in the eyes again. Winter Park Fish Co menu She's actually standing on the ground and the guy is right next to her. They built a hole in the truck for her. I got seared tuna on a stick with a sweet chili glaze. SO GOD DAMN GOOD Also, there was a band there. We were too busy eating like pigs to pay attention to their name or songs. Oh, and here's Adam devouring tuna on a stick Grant got a corn muffin topped with pulled pork from the Red Eye BBQ truck. It's like he was trying to win a "most disgusting food" contest. Adam got a mango Jarritos and a whoopie pie (homemade?) from Big Wheel Provisions for dessert. Melissa's Chicken and Waffles menu. I went with the blueberry cheesecake waffle, of course. I liked it a lot. Oh, and that's the back of Grant's head over there. Thanks so much for reading, everybody. I know this was a tough one. If you're the one person on TPR that hasn't read Erik and Smisty's thread, do yourself a favor, they're much better than us. http://tinyurl.com/erikandsmisty Now I'll go sink into a food coma
  8. My favorite is either Splash Mountain or Tower of Terror depending on the drop sequence.
  9. Is... Is that Comic Sans? I refuse to ever go on a Disney cruise now. I might be boycotting Disney as a whole.
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