pagemaster_b

Something I wrote for my poetry class a number of months ago. Teddy’s Last Defiance Teddy was alone In a barren patch of land Between two gold-green hills. A hasty turban covered his round ears From the cool September sun. His glassy eyes reflected I-beams, logs, train rails, and lockers. Below his button nose, A cigarette butt burned. Teddy swayed in the breeze Hanging from a det cord noose. A C-4 belt, uneven and dirty, Encircled his fuzzy belly, As a stick wrapped in det cord Impaled his ass. Teddy died under the mushroom cloud. Tuffs of cottony innards Burned and floated on the breeze. His head, black and smoking, landed Somewhere in the golden field. He set fire to the grass And flared into a raging brush fire.

That's because you are thinking. Don't think when you write. I know it sounds strange, but it works.

I've never been outside the country, not even to Canada. That's going to change here shortly when I get to visit the lovely country of Afghanistan. I hope we get a lay over in Germany!

The sole purpose of the half dollar is for the blackjack tables at the casinos. At least, that's where I see them all the time. The only other time I've used half dollars was when there was a quarter shortage a couple years ago while I was working at WinCo Foods. We had to use them to stretch out the quarter supply. People weren't happy about that, especially the ones needing coins for the laundromat.

No, but I must say, that's so '80s! I still remember that time period. Oddly enough, some things just won't go away. Do you want me to kill this thread with another confusing, pointless, absurd, bizarre, off the wall question?

Weird Al has a song devoted to Spam. He used the song "Stand" by REM. The only lines I can remember goes something like: "Spam in your home and at work. Ham and Pork. Think about nutrition And wonder what's in now." I use to like it as a kid, but now it just taste kind of funky.

Since the locally own parks in my area blows chunks, I would be more than happy to drive a long distance to a chain park. I must admit, I was getting a little worried that I killed this thread. Thanks for bumping it back up! Would you rather swim in the toxic Lake Erie, or swim in the stinky Great Salt Lake?

If your trying to do stream of consciousness, I highly suggest you read Faulkner. He did that a lot with his writings. It's good that you're starting out with a small publisher. One to two percent of manuscipts turned into editors actually get published. Most require agents before submitting manuscripts, and to get an agent you need to have been previously published (the ever annoying Catch-22). Unfortunately, I firmly believe your manuscript will get unceremoniously rejected. Point blank, it's bad writing. I must admit that poetry is not my favorite area of writing, so it can often be difficult to see past my warped views, but bad writing is still bad writing. Your poems are just random lines that don't tie together. Poetry is all about language and emotion, of which neither is invoked, and it's done with as few words as possible. Free verse may be the popular style of poetry right now, but poets still adhere to other poetry conventions, such as alliteration, imagery, diction, etc. I strongly advise you read more poetry, and not to limit yourself to modern poets. After all, they studied from the greats like Shakespear and Wordsworth. As for your messy short story, there are two MAJOR mistatkes. First of all, this isn't stream of consciousness, you're trying to write it like poetry. Stream of consciousness rarely uses punctuation or paragraphs. Also there's a lot more repetition in words and phrases, and it's done from the character's point of view, not the narrator's. Again, I refer you back to Faulkner. The second mistake you made is the complete lack of details. You don't describe any of the characters or the setting. As far as your story is concerned, they don't even exist. Readers will not become attached to the characters and/or become emotionally involved in the story. Nor will they ever get the point or meaning of the ending because there is no thought process to the doctor's thoughts. Why did he do what he did and how did he come to this conclusion? That question, above all, does not get answered. For the most part, there's no clear plot structure--it might work that way, but without good details to the characters, setting, or actions, it's just useless. Advice? 1. Keep reading. Writers are readers. Authors and poets are the best source for tips, writing styles, and ideas. (Don't worry, we all plagarize to an extent.) 2. Keep writing. The only way to improve writing is to write. There's no way around it. 3. Don't think while you're writing. That comes during the revisions. 4. Don't conform your writings to other people's ideas, but don't ignore them either. Some might give you the answer to a particular problem (or get you on the right track). 5. Write for yourself. That's the only person that matters. And above all else, don't give up. Breaking into print is very difficult.

^ Broke into the school's vending machine because he didn't want to pay for the overpriced candy. < Thinks "Why break a vending machine with my bare hands when I can just blow it up with C-4." Hmm . . . It's raining Skittles. v Stole candy from the vending machine as the guy restocks it.

^ Happy Birthday!!! (Eat lots of cake!) < The next two birthdays will be during my deployment. v Has a birthday on a major holiday.

^ Old < Somewhere between Old and Young v Young

My brother works for the Secret Service and during an assignment in Mongolia a few months ago he bought me a Columbia jacket dirt cheap. (According to him, it was off the black market.) As much as I love the coat, I'm annoyed that it zips up on the left side. My brother says that all the Columbia jackets he saw there were that way. Everyone around here says that for a woman's coat the zipper is on the left and a guy's coat zips on the right (which would mean that I've got a woman's coat). My question: is this just a distinction created by American clothing designers, or is it universal throughout the world?

The worm, especially if it's a gummy worm! If not, then I refer you to a book called "How to Eat Fried Worms". Would you rather watch the Super Bowl without the commercials, or watch the commercials without the Super Bowl?

Sadly, no. I had already made a commitment to go to Afghanistan before I found out about the trip. Maybe when I get back. Do you dream about amusement parks and/or roller coasters?

Duh. The Family Guy. Would you rather have your sleazy brother do your income taxes for free, or go to a respectable tax firm and shell out the bucks?

Well, it's Groundhog's Day . . . Again. And here in Oregon, if Phil saw his shadow, it's because there was a break in the rain clouds. So far this winter has seen some flooding and I keep expecting to get a call from my Guard unit to start filling sand bags. I guess the weather is making up for the lack of rain last winter.

Confused. Big SUV or small sports car?

I do a lot of writing, so the answer is yes. But then, I'm usually using my laptop, so there are fewer keys than a regular keyboard. Will you watch the awful "Final Destination 3" just because there is a roller coaster in it?

Actually I do. I still get a kick out of cap guns, especially the older kind that are made to look real guns. But I also like the bigger toy guns like paintball guns, BB guns, and such. Even more bizarre, the military has toy guns as well. They're M-16 replicas used for Drill and Ceremony practice/competitions or for other training purposes. We call those "rubber duckies". Brings new meaning to that Seasame Street song with Burt: "Rubber ducky, your the one! You make my bath time so much fun." Did you watch Seasame Street as a kid (or still do)?

"Sweet! I look like the bad acting, overrated, goofball Jon Heder!" So he . . .

What did one burp say to the other burp? Let's be little stinkers and go out the other end.

I've played around with binary, hexidecimal, and base 8--I should have got that joke! Well, I have to admit, that was during high school when I studied a little bit of machine language.

I had to explain to my parents what this bumper sticker meant:

Go without coasters for a year. But then if your stuck in the middle of Afghanistan for a year, its not that difficult. Would you rather use a dirty public bathroom or a smelly wooden outhouse?

No, but I've driven numerous military "Hummers" and they're so much better than the civilian versions! Is the limo version of the Hummer stupid?