printersdevil78

This is awesome! I've always said if I had the extra time and cash, I'd buy a small RV and tool around the country for awhile. Just think of all the parks I could visit if I didn't have to worry about hotel stays! Does Wal-Mart still allow RVs to park overnight on the periphery of all their parking lots? I heard something about it on the Travel Channel a few years ago. Not sure if it's still standard practice, but I remember on the show they said it was a good policy for them since the campers were more likely to shop at Wal-Mart when they needed supplies since it was literally at their front door. The store even published a location directory just for RVers, if memory serves. Thanks for the TR so far!

Great pictures, Roxanne! It looks like you were probably at Astroworld for this one. The character is Tyg the tiger from the old Shirt Tales cartoon, and Astroworld had a Shirt Tales Land in the mid-'80s. Someone was kind enough to post an old (and I do mean old--as in 8 mm or Super 8 mm) home movie of it on You Tube:

^Is that a real space shuttle?

Entry sent. I hope this bag o' crap is better than the flaming one I had to stomp out on my porch last Halloween.

I'm going to settle this once and for all: I just flew my Delorean back from the year 2011 (didn't want to get caught in a time paradox if I went all the way to 2012 and found out the world had already ended), and I can positively tell you that this coaster was installed at DelGrosso's Amusement Park. It's called Murf's Spaghetti Bowl. They lubricate the track each morning with sauce and upcharge the ride on Spaghetti Wednesdays when they shoot pasta into the riders' mouths via air cannon as the train comes down the first hill. Also, take all the money you have and put it on the Washington Nationals in Game 7 of the 2010 World Series (the smart money that year was on Seattle--who knew?).

^^^^Am I the only one who laughed out loud that the "Gary Coleman" photo is actually Emmanuel "Webster" Lewis?

^Why not? They've already leaked the name. Something about a laser setting a snake and a horse on fire

Come to think of it, what are TPR's operating hours? And are the rumors true that you're building a big new yellow B&M for the 2009 season? But bringing this back on topic, according to the book "Do Spies Win Olympic Medals" by Peter Ryding, the cat o' nine tails has nine tails because "the Royal Navy decided that the normal three-headed scourge representing the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost was not 'holy enough' for wicked sailors and so created a 'trinity of holy trinities, hence nine tails."

More great photos! Needless to say, we don't get many scenes like Photo No. 5 on the Eastern Shore, either, even when there's a slick cam. But we still have Ocean City, cheap seafood and a 65 percent literacy rate!

I'd recommend combining Magic Kingdom and Epcot since you can take the monorail between them. Do Magic Kingdom in the morning, when the crowds are lighter, and take the monorail to Epcot in the afternoon since it stays open later than the other parks. Also, take advantage of Fast Passes (obviously), and if you don't mind not riding together (but within two or three cars of each other), use the Single Rider line at attractions where it's available (like Test Track). I don't know if you're driving or planning to stay on property and use the buses, but if you do plan to bus-hop, be aware that the buses no longer travel directly from park to park (at least they didn't when I was there last January). You would have to take the bus to one of the resorts, then catch a bus from that resort to your next park. Having bus-hopped in the past, we had planned a "catch-up" day toward the end of our trip to hit what we missed at Magic Kingdom, Hollywood Studios and Epcot. Instead we ended up spending most of the day at the Coronado Springs and Contemporary Resort bus stops, waiting for buses that took forever to show up.

Yesterday my girlfriend and I took her daughter miniature golfing at Old Pro Golf in Ocean City, MD, and while I didn't really intend for it to be a TR, I determined today that I had more than enough photos to make one. So I did. It's nothing Earth-shattering, but I figured there's nothing wrong with a few more fun pictures, especially during the off-season. Enjoy! Alas, I'm trying to make myself more aerodynamic for the West Coast Trip, so a plain McSalad was my choice of the evening. Thus ended an otherwise enjoyable day! "Happy Meal goes in here!" But her absolute favorite was the token-dispensing slot machines. Afterward, we went to our favorite restaurant.... ...and pinball. The 75 cents we put in this machine was the closest we came to spending $1 or more on any single game. Funny how everything that cost $1-$2 to play was "out of order" that day.... ...horseback riding (these things were the best because we didn't even have to put money in--until she can read, the phrase "Insert Coins" means nothing to her!)... ...motorcycle riding... Of course, there was also Whack-a-Shark... And these 1930s 10-cent claw machines. These 1950s-era Fascination-like poker machines. Which Lauryn enjoyed. Like these 1930s-'40s Skee-Ball machines. Next we were off to Marty's Playland, where we played some of the oldest (and newest) still-operating coin-operated games in the United States. And... OK, so I don't really get what Frankenstein's monster has to do with an "undersea adventure," but he was there, so we took his picture. And the pirate skeleton. The final score: me-34, girlfriend-54, Lauryn-126. After accepting the fact that we weren't playing again, Lauryn took consolation in the fact that she could at least pose with the mermaid. A few random dinos from the outside. Of course, none of us got this. In fact, I've been playing this course for about a dozen years, and I've only gotten it once. So that's what happened to the octopus that was cut from "The Goonies"! Notice most of the "greens" are blue to simulate ocean water (or most people's idea of what ocean water looks like, anyway). The only green "greens" are atop a mountain island in the middle of the course, which presumably is rising above sea level. Overall, the course is very well themed. I'd like to say she's imitating the orange fish on the left... but in reality, we told her Shamu was going to poop on her while she was standing beneath him. Some kids get a college savings account. Lauryn has a therapy savings account. You'll notice in the preceding two photos, even if she isn't exactly holding the putter correctly, the head is at least facing the right way. That would be the only two times that happened all day, as this was her preferred stance. On a few holes she legitimately putted a 3 or 4. Most of the time, however, her score was 8 or above. Her record was 23 strokes on a single hole. Here she is, shooting for 14.... Lauryn squared off against the diver on the first hole. This was her first miniature golfing experience. ...indoors, which has an "Undersea Adventure" theme. Upon our arrival we checked out some of the dinosaurs out front. Though the weather warmed up a little this weekend, it was nowhere near warm enough to consider outdoor golf, so we went...

Great pics, Rideslover! You know, Coney Island was one of those places I would have liked to have visited, only I have a distinct aversion to being shot. I still wouldn't mind going sometime since they're keeping the Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel... but if they tear down Nathan's, that might be a deal-breaker.

Thanks, everyone, for the positive comments. You know, I was leaning toward Johnny Cash and Sarah Jessica Parker for those two figures. I guess what threw me off was that they don't look anything like Johnny Cash or Sarah Jessica Parker.... ^^^^^Shawn, I spent most of last year reading your online travel journal and enjoyed every second of it. Glad I could repay the favor in some small way. ^^Jakizle, Chris Madrid's isn't downtown; it's at the corner of Blanco and Hollywood. Based on what I read about it online, I thought it was one of those "best kept secrets" that everyone knew about, but neither the desk clerk at the hotel nor my cab driver had ever heard of it, and they both lived in San Antonio (obviously). Speaking of my cab driver, I forgot to share this story: In talking with him on the way to the restaurant (every cab driver I had was extremely friendly and talkative), we determined that he grew up just a couple hours away from me in Maryland! I traveled halfway across the continent, and the first person I met was a "local" from back home! "Back home," in fact, is where I was traveling for the last half of Day Three, but I did squeeze in a couple more thrills that morning.... And I will conclude this TR with a night shot of the Alamo taken at the end of Day Two. Thanks for your hospitality, San Antonio. I can now officially cross you off my list of places to see! My last morsel of food in San Antonio: apple cobbler topped with Blue Bell ice cream. I'd heard this Texas-based ice cream was pretty good. It was! The ribs, sausage and chopped brisket were... OK. The sauce was a little much. Personally, I don't think I'll ever have ribs that top the ones I tried last year at Rendezvous in Memphis, but hey, there's no such thing as a bad rib! After touring Hemisfair Park, I had time for one more meal in San Antonio. I debated whether I wanted to try a Texas steak or some Texas barbecue. Staying loyal to my position as a certified barbecue judge, I opted for barbecue and ended up at The County Line on the River Walk. This building, on the other hand, does have some significance. When a large upscale hotel chain (again, the Hilton or Hyatt--I don't remember which) wanted to build on the site of San Antonio's historic 1906 Fairmont Hotel, the city would not let the company use the land unless it agreed to preserve the hotel. The company hoisted the 3.2 million-pound structure with a crain and moved it an average .4 miles per day over six days to its new location just over two miles away without breaking a single window or losing a single brick. It set a new world record for the heaviest building successfully moved, and this is the result: the newly relocated Fairmont Hotel. This building, located right next to the park, belonged to one of the major upscale hotel chains (Hilton, I think, though I'm not sure enough to commit to that). It doesn't really have any significance other than I liked the shot, so I included it in my TR. Deal with it! These are the trashcans at Hemisfair Park. You know Cedar Fair is jealous. Also included with my $12 ticket was this less-than-phenomenal "4-D" show, Skies Over Texas. Think of it as Soarin' Over California, except it's over Texas instead of California. And the seats never leave the ground. And they only move about six inches from side to side throughout the program. And the movement isn't exactly synched up with the film. And a narrator tells you the entire time how great and wonderful and utterly fantastic Texas is because they have high school football and swamps. And they don't even show the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. And there's my hotel! I had to search, but I finally found the Alamo from on high. I have no idea what the sunflower-looking building is, but it was the most attractive thing to see from the top of the tower. Everything else was just highways and gray buildings. This is what the park looks like from 750 feet up. And then I took the elevator 60 stories to the top... and this was the first thing I saw. In fact, the entire tower was littered with coin-op machines. A little strapped for cash are we, Hemisfair Park? I bought my $12 ticket, walked through the doors of this mighty, once record-holding structure... and this was the first thing I saw. At 60 stories tall, the Tower of the Americas is the nation's second-tallest observation tower, behind the Stratosphere in Las Vegas. Take that, Space Needle! Ah, here's what we really came to the park to see. Granted, San Antonio was going through the worst drought since records had been kept... but you gotta keep those fountains turned on for the tourists! Hemisfair Park had an abundance of fountains. I'll spare you and only include the two most unique. The Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center had panels that, when the sun hit them just right, projected the outlines of horses on the building. Truly, this does belong in the "Ramdom, Random, Random" thread. And here, for some reason, are some random steps in the middle of a hill. This was another gift from Mexico to San Antonio. I don't remember the exact name of the sculpture, but it was something along the lines of "Welcome Neighbors." Which I assume is code for "Thanks for not patching up those holes in the border fence." This is Olmec. On loan from the Homer Simpson collection. OK, back to the educational portion of this TR. This may look like an ordinary drainage ditch, but in reality it's the Acequia Madre de Valero, the main irrigation ditch of San Antonio's Valero Mission, built in 1718. There was a plaque nearby recognizing it as a National Historic Civil Engineering Landmark. This one was the Halff House, built by an immigrant merchant in 1893. Old homes were on display at the park's entrance, though they weren't open for interior tours, and I honestly wasn't 100 percent sure what their significance was. The city of Berlin, Germany, donated this bear sculpture to the city of San Antonio for the fair. This was the fair's symbol. I spent my last morning in San Antonio at Hemisfair Park, site of the 1968 World's Fair. Anyone who read my Behemoth/Flyer trip report already knows I'm kind of a World's Fair nut, so this was a special treat!

You know, now that you mention it, I did sculpt something that looked a lot like that in my mashed potatoes last night....

Day Two. Day Two began with another sighting of "grotesques," this time at the Emily Morgan Hotel. On my way back to the hotel, I stopped by the "Torch of Friendship," which was presented to San Antonio by the Mexican government to help commemorate the 1968 World's Fair. Thus concludes Day Two. Day Three up soon! Three hurricanes later, I stopped into Coyote Ugly, mostly because they weren't charging cover and I'd never actually seen the inside of one except in the movie. I stayed long enough to see one semi-attractive bartender dance on the bar. I wasn't impressed, and the place had a definite funk to it, so I left about five minutes after I entered. ...and some bread pudding for dessert. It wasn't as good as the Mexican bread pudding from earlier, but it wasn't bad. I knew I probably shouldn't be drinking hurricanes without eating at least a little something with them. The special included half-price appetizers, so I settled on the alligator bites at $4... The main reason I came here: the hurricane! I don't drink much, but I do enjoy these. Plus they were running an off-season, mid-week special, so these little babies were just $2 each! Yep, we're definitely at Pat O's. This was actually the smallest one I'd been in. I still wasn't hungry after my huge Mexican lunch, but I knew I needed to eat something before retreating to my hotel for the evening, and I always like to check out Pat O'Brien's (photo taken earlier in the day for light's sake). Sadly, it turned out to be little more than an artist colony, which didn't interest me in the least. Still, here are a couple nice shots of the courtyard. They certainly put a lot of work into making the entrance look nice. From the museums, it was onward to La Villita, which seemed like a promising area when I passed it the day before. "Eh, it beats working at Disney's Animal Kingdom." Somebody stole Roo! This one got its antlers caught in barbed wire. The museum seemed to take a particularly macabre interest in the misfortunes of deer. These two got their horns locked in battle and subsequently starved to death when they couldn't detach from one another. "Duh, gee, Tennessee...." Sadly, there was no stuffed and mounted Hurley to be found nearby. Proof once again that King Kong faked his own death in the Universal Studios fire. The rest of the museum consisted of displays of stuffed and mounted animals from around the world. ...and a two-headed calf. ...a Fiji Island Merman and the remains of other odd creatures... Then there were the oddities on display, such as shrunken heads... ...and author O. Henry. Note the lack of Mexican cheese curls on his table. ...the Texas Rangers fending off cattle poachers... ...Texas' involvement in the Civil War... ...Confederate General Robert E. Lee trading with the local Native Americans... ...Stephen Austin, the "Father of Texas"... ...Republic of Texas President Sam Houston... Other wax displays featured important figures and moments in Texas history, such as pirate Jean Lafitte... Roosevelt worked in San Antonio briefly (for about 12 days, actually), recruiting and training men for the Rough Riders. This picture of a deer, created out of rattlesnake rattles, was presented to him during his time there. You better believe Teddy Roosevelt had one. Ready for a disturbing image? All these chairs are made from the horns of dead steers. Some furniture maker in Texas specialized in them for dozens of years and sold them not only to oil-crazed Texans, but many foreign heads of state, as well. The other museum in the Buckhorn was, fittingly enough, called the Buckhorn Museum. This was the first thing you saw when you entered the room: an exhibit on the history of saddles and Jack Daniels memorabilia. Another great ad, though with much less nudity than the one for crotch powder. They also had a mock-up of Texas outlaw team Bonnie and Clyde's death car. This is what the original Buckhorn looked like, some historians may believe. This was the part of the display that contained the crotch powder ad that I'm sure everyone enjoyed from the first part of this TR. It was hanging behind the editor in the newspaper office. And a large-scale mock-up of an Old West town that took up several rooms. Aside from two rooms, however, the museum really didn't have much to do with the Texas Rangers (neither the law enforcement agency or the baseball team) at all. Most were just random displays. Like this stuffed and mounted horse that once belonged to silent movie cowboy star William S. Hart. This Texas State Police badge, used during the two-year span following the Civil War when the Texas Rangers were temporarily disbanded, was pretty neat. And this one. Not even a single mention of Chuck Norris. The Texas Rangers part of the museum didn't have exhibits on people like Nolan Ryan and Ivan Rodriguez (though it would have been infinitely more interesting if it had). Instead, there were exhibits on people I had never heard of, like this guy. This was the reason I decided to venture inside. I gritted my teeth, paid my $17 (I had a dollar off coupon from the tourism office) and entered the museum. It wasn't quite as blatant a tourist trap as the Ripley's attractions... but it came dangerously close. They had a display of old beer bottles inside. "King of the Hill" fans will know why I took this picture. I actually made a point of watching an episode while in Texas just for the irony of it. This is what the nation's oldest saloon looks like on the inside. Near the Alamo Antiques Mall sits the Buckhorn Saloon, supposedly the oldest saloon in the United States. Supposedly important people along the lines of Teddy Roosevelt and Pancho Villa once drank there. Today you can go inside, pay $18 to tour its two museums, buy some T-shirts and souvenir coins in its gift shop and bring the kids for a chicken fingers dinner. Oh, how I wish I'd had the means of carrying this back to Maryland with me! In the Alamo Antiques Mall sits this framed advertisement from the Armitage-Herschell Co., predecessor to the famous Herschell-Spillman Co., advertising a new steam-powered flying horses ride. I don't know if it was original or not, but it certainly looked it. A piece of amusement park history for only $65! FYI, my birthday is in July, so any TPR readers in the San Antonio area who would like to buy me a gift.... Six Flags wasn't open, but the San Antonio Tourism Office graciously provided this window display so I could see what I was missing. Consider it my gift to you: a prelude of the TPR Texas Trip. The only authentic piece of furniture in the whole house was this cherry wood table, on which O. Henry penned "The Gift of the Magi," "The Caballero's Way" (which introduced the Cisco Kid) and countless other classic short stories. Two employees/volunteers were eating Mexican cheese curls off of it when I walked in. The most interesting site I encountered on my walk back was the home of author O. Henry! It's small, located near the Bexar County Parole and Probation Office, and nearly everything inside is just random old furniture they found to stick in there, but admission is free, and as a writer (albeit one who tends to overuse commas, semicolons and ellipses), I thought it was pretty cool. It wasn't listed in any of the tourism literature I picked up. It seems like every major U.S. tourist city has a fancy old neon-covered Walgreen's building. This one was in the process of being gutted. I miss Golden Dreams On the walk back to the downtown area, I came across a number of interesting sites. Like this one. San Antonio--now with air conditioning! Which, of course, is available for weddings. And with that, we enter into the courtyard. This is the bed on which the governor did the nasty. Actually, it's a reproduction. It's a fake governor's woo-woo bed (to use the technical term). I toured a lot of historic sites in San Antonio, and this was one of only two that bothered to mentioned that Native Americans once controlled this area. Hey, the European settlers didn't discriminate--they stole land from Indians here, too! This was the room in which tribal leaders gathered to bargain and sign treaties with Spanish officials. This was the chapel, which of course is what every home had before they invented HDTV. They said the ornaments on the palace door represented the story of Spain's involvement in Texas. The seashells at the top represent the Nina, Pinta and Santa Maria. Unfortunately, that's about all I remember. And here's the Spanish governor himself. Not pictured is his little sidekick, Sprout. My next stop was the Spanish Governor's Palace, used when Texas was a Spanish colony. Who knew the Spanish governor lived in a two-bedroom rancher? Across the street from Market Square is the San Antonio Farmers Market. I bought some Mexican candy here to try later. So far my favorite is the dried, salted tamarind rind. They also had dried sweet potatoes, but I certainly couldn't have eaten one right then, and they didn't look like they would travel too well. And then there was the restaurant's bakery! I had thought about coming here for breakfast, but didn't wake up in time. There was no way I could try any of its offerings by the time lunch was over--and it all looked amazing. I purchasaed a slice of Mexican bread pudding for later and continued on my way. And then came the main course! I was pretty full after the just nachos, but this was just ridiculous! I forced myself to eat about half and then just surrendered. With this much food for under $7, absolutely no one in San Antonio should be going hungry! Needless to say, this place blew Casa Rio out of the water (no pun intended)! The waiter gave me both a regular menu and one listing the $6.55 lunch specials. The special of the day looked good, but at that price I doubted it would be too filling. It had been more than 20 hours since I had last eaten anything at that point. Several websites had recommended the nachos here, so I decided to start with them. On the other side of the entrance, they still had their Christmas decorations up. This was the display immediately inside the front door. It was then and there that I knew this was going to be a good experience. Ah, but then there was this place. Situated in the heart of Market Square, it and Chris Madrid's flip-flopped for first and second in the "must try restaurant" section of every piece of tourism literature I read about San Antonio. And it's older than Casa Rio! "Hey ladies, you like my big cigar?" Like Mexican wrestling masks, for example. While quite a pretty area, Market Square is not much more than a huge tourist trap full of Mexican-esque souvenirs no one could possibly ever need. It seems like every major U.S. tourist city has one of these trolly systems in place anymore. I took this one (not this particular trolly, but the trolly system) to Market Square.

Wow, looks like I'm going to be saving up for the UK trip in 2010! I hope it turns out to be a span when I can take off work. Otherwise, there isn't a single trip listed here that I wouldn't be interested in (UK just happens to be a little above the rest).

In celebration of the end of my local Jaycees presidency, I took a vacation last week to San Antonio. Not only did I get to cross off another must-see item on my rapidly shrinking list of things to see in the United States (the Alamo), but I got to spend time with temperatures in the high 60s compared to home, which dropped as low as 9 degrees one night while I was gone (the low tonight is supposed to be 6). Anyway, I thought I'd share with my TPR friends. I'll post Day One tonight, with more to follow later in the weekend. Enjoy! I escaped the onslaught and ran for the safety of my hotel room, where, having been awake for most the past 34 hours with only a 45-minute nap somewhere around the 19-hour mark, I slept for the next 14 hours straight! That will conclude Day One. Day Two coming soon. Or maybe this explains it! Walking back toward my hotel, away from the restaurant, the skies were dark with birds! It was like that Hitchcock movie! There were thousands of them, and they just kept coming, perching on everything in sight! This duck kept nipping at me until I crunched up a tortilla chip and threw it on the sidewalk for him. Once he was finished, he came back and nipped some more until I did it again. I was happy to pay my bill and get out of there--this bird was getting pretty violent toward the end! After the sun set, a mariachi band began strolling from table to table. And then the food came. It was... OK. I had always heard Texas was known for its Mexican food, but frankly, this was about the same quality as I can get from my local Mexican place. Good... but kind of a letdown. Nothing like sitting by the river, sipping a margarita. This was the view from said table. My table was the one with the red umbrella, fourth from the left on the river. After all that exploring, I was hungry again. I decided to dine at the River Walk's oldest restaurant, Casa Rio, which opened in 1946. This made me happier than anything else on the entire trip. I had seen pictures of the River Walk lit up for Christmas, but was unable to travel until January. They still had ONE single tree lit along the river! Apparently two city employees are responsible for lighting the whole river. They start hanging lights in October and take them down starting the day after New Year's. They hadn't quite gotten around to this tree yet. St. Anthony stands watch over his river. The river--and the city--actually got its name because explorers discovered it on St. Anthony's Day. This statue was a gift from Portugal to commemorate the 1968 World's Fair, which San Antonio (the city, not the saint) hosted. I took a shortcut through the mall on my way to the River Walk at one point, and I ran across this. Single ladies of TPR, I ask you: If your significant other chose THIS as his means of proposal, would you honestly say yes? Anybody? River taxis take patrons to the waterfront Rivercenter Mall, which apparently is shown a lot as a "location shot" when the San Antonio Spurs basketball team is broadcast nationally. The Nix Medical Center was originally built to correspond to existing property lines, giving it a uniqe appearance, especially from this angle, where it looks like a movie flat. Even more unique is its ground floor--because of its position along the River Walk, where all ground floor space must be used for retail or dining, the hospital leases its first floor to the Dick's Last Resort chain... making it quite possibly the only hospital in the world with a built-in bar! They're renovating this awesome-looking old silent movie theater along the River Walk. When completed, it should be fully equipped with an organ to replicate the sound and feel of the silent movie screenings of the 1910s and '20s. Selena also has a star on San Antonio's version of the Walk of Fame... though to be honest, hers was the only star I noticed. All the others were just blank, star-shaped patches of concrete. There are many bridges along the River Walk, and though they're all different, they all started looking the same to me after awhile. One of them (not this one) was called Selena's Bridge, as it was located near the home of San Antonio singing sensation Selena. Apparently a key scene in the movie "Selena" with Jennifer Lopez was filmed atop that bridge. This Italian restaurant on the River Walk, Stefania's Dolores del Rio, had two trees growing out of its wall! The larger one came first, while the smaller one (fig tree) later attached itself to the same root system. Several buildings in San Antonio also have these carved stone faces, called "grotesques," built in. They're supposed to ward off evil spirits. You have to squint to see them in this photo, but the Smith-Young Tower (the tallest building west of the Mississippi upon its completion in 1929) has gargoyles surrounding its highest levels. At night I could see them back-lit from my hotel room! This amphitheater stage apparently served as the background for a climactic scene in the movie "Miss Congeniality." I wouldn't know anything about that. However, the five bells used to decorate the state represent the five original missions of San Antonio (bet Sandra Bullock didn't know that). With the vast savings I achieved by not going into the Ripley's attractions, I was able to take not just one but two guided tours of the River Walk, one during the day and one at night... and still have more than $30 left over. This was my daytime guide, Chris. Most of the waterways on the River Walk itself are only two to three feet deep... but you've always got to be on the lookout for plastic aligators! Though it may look pretty, the River Walk's main purpose is to keep the downtown area from flooding by providing an underground runoff system for the San Antonio River. Some of the bridges, like this one, are actually flood control gates. Next on my agenda was the beautiful San Antonio River Walk. ...and whomever these people are supposed to be. ...whomever this is... ...long time Dallas Cowboys football coach Tom Landry... ...Tiger Woods... The wax museum contained more than 250 figures of celebrities including Lance Armstrong... Four doors down at the other corner was the wax musuem, represented by this audio-animatronic dinosaur. For reasons that aren't 100 percent clear to me. And this is a small (microscopic, really) portion of the track layout. Fortunately, a small portion of the ride itself was also visible from the street. This was the part where you were told not to look into the eyes of Mara (or something like that). These were the audio-animatronic "barkers" for the Tomb Rider attraction, a ride-through shooting gallery on the order of Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, only presumably nowhere near as good. I really wanted to try it out--but not at $19 for a five-minute ride. That's nearly $4 per minute! I didn't see a single person enter this attraction during my three days in San Antonio, in fact. However, I did photograph what I could without paying admission. This is "Stumpy" from Haunted Adventure. OK, as a reward for reading through all that (you did read through all that, didn't you?), I am pleased to announce that directly across the street from the Alamo exist five Ripley's attractions: the Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum (seen here), the Guiness Book of World Records Museum, Ripley's Haunted Adventure, Louis Tussaud's Wax Museum and Tomb Rider. Admission to each started at $19, with a five-way combo ticket going for $48. Because of this, I didn't set foot in any of them, believe it... or not! They, along with fellow commander Jim Bowie (who contracted a mysterious disease days before the final battle and may have died of natural causes before it even began), are buried at San Antonio's historic San Fernando Cathedral. The sides represent those who fought the battle, including commanders William Barrett Travis and Davy Crockett (who had already reached his term limit as King of the Wild Frontier by then). Across the street stands a large monument to those who gave their lives at the Alamo (which, for those who don't already know, is the most famous battle of the Texas revolution that ultimately kept the state out of the hands of Mexico). The front consists of a giant naked man on fire. In 1836, the No. 1 cause of death at the Alamo was cannon fire. Today it's malaria. This is the Daughters of the Republic of Texas Library, where the public may conduct research using historic Alamo-related documents. Personally, I just thought the building looked kind of neat. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel--AKA the exit. For those who aren't bored enough by history, there's also a garden. I'm not going to claim to really understand this, but in 1914 Dr. Shiga Shigetaka, a professor from Waseda University in Japan, decided that the battle of the Alamo reminded him so much of Japan's 1575 battle of Nagashino Castle that he wrote a poem about it, had it carved into stone and donated it to the Alamo. Probably received tenure for it, too. This is the cannon historians believe fired the first shot on the Alamo. This display represents the six flags that have flown over Texas under changes of sovereignty: United States, Republic of Texas, Confederate States, Mexican, French and Spanish. These are also the flags that are responsible for the name of the Six Flags theme parks, which began as a lone park themed to these six eras of Texas history. No photos allowed inside the Alamo itself, unfortunately, so we'll move on to the courtyard. To the side is the Long Barrack, where the defenders slept. From the back you can clearly see where the roof (darker stones) was added years after the battle. See that round chunk taken out of the bottom? Yep, cannonball did that. Much of the original ornate stone carving still exists at the entrance. OK, here's where that historical stuff starts coming into play. This is what the Alamo looked like immediately following the 1836 battle (the one everyone is supposed to remember). Originally--even at the time of the battle--the building had no roof. And that roundy thing over the entrance at the top? Not even added until 1936. History has been lying to you, people! Now that lunch is out of the way, I present for your consideration: the Alamo. OMFG! If you do nothing else this year, you have got to get to this restaurant! Seriously, sell a kidney if you have to. This picture doesn't even do it justice; the burger overhang on the right is hidden by the basket of fries, itself oversized enough to mask the true gargantuanness (<--not even a real word) of this burger. It's basically a giant meat patty topped with about six pounds of melty, stringy cheese with tortilla chips crunched up in between. Go ahead, go to San Antonio and pick up one right now. I'll wait. Ahem... now that that's out of the way, my first stop in San Antonio was Chris Madrid's. I heard they had good cheeseburgers, and after the $26 round-trip cab fare I paid to get here, I had better have heard right! This TR is loaded with historic junk, so I'm bound to lose at least few of you after the first half dozen photos. It is for you that I am posting this photo first, from the Buckhorn Saloon Museum. I don't even know what else to say except I really, REALLY want some crotch powder!

OK, now I'm hungry. I think I have some peanuts around here somewhere....

OK, now that I have some time on my hands--and Christmas is more than three weeks behind us--I figured it was time to complete this holiday TR. Enjoy! Flash forward to New Year's Eve, when my girlfriend (who hates to be photographed, hence the lack of pictures of her in this and other TRs) and I were invited to the wedding of two longtime friends of mine. I borrowed this shot from my friend Melissa because it shows me with the president of the U.S. Jaycees! Not that I hadn't met her before (I had twice, actually), but it was kind of cool to end my year as local chapter president that night with the head honcho of the whole nationwide organization! Also pictured are Paul and Liz, whom you may remember from my Kennywood TR last summer. And thus concludes my holiday adventure trip report. Happy New Year, everyone! After lights and dinner, it was time to go back home and open presents! I got a new camera and a luggage set for the West Coast Trip in August. Lauryn got a Cinderella doll (pictured), among many other wondrous things. This display represented the nearby town of Berlin, which had retained its Victorian-era feel by preserving much of its historic downtown section and burying electrical and telephone wires instead of stringing them up on poles. This has drawn the attention of Hollywood, and at least two major motion pictures--"Runaway Bride" and "James and the Giant Peach"--have been filmed there. If you squint, you can make out the closed-for-the-season Jolly Roger at the Pier park in the background. It's Chessie, the Chesapeake Bay monster (which was later discovered to have been a manatee). This one was placed in honor of the nearby Fenwick Island Lighthouse. Or so I assume. Jingle shells, jingle shells.... After we left Winterfest proper, we drove to the Ocean City inlet, where a few more displays were set up in connection with the event. This one commemorated Trimpers Rides' 1902 carousel--the second ever constructed by the Herschell-Spillman Co. and the oldest in existence today (the company's first carousel burned in a Coney Island fire in the '50s; Trimpers' has been in continuous operation for more than 100 years). This one was furnished by the Ocean City Parrothead Club, hence the giant "Cheeseburger in Paradise" hanging off the top. One of the event's major sponsors was Kandy Kitchen, which explains why these trees were all decked out in saltwater taffy boxes. Right, Lauryn? By consensus, this was the most important stand in the whole Winterfest complex. Santa wasn't there, of course. He was out cruising in his convertible with his ho-ho-homies! Apparently Santa keeps a beach house in Ocean City. It's cheaper than renting a condo by the week, I guess. ...the gift shop! Seriously, this is the only display of this type I've ever been to with its own gift shop. For the record, we skipped over it. ...even more so over the water. Unfortunately, these were about the only good photos I got of the main section of Winterfest since it takes place on a moving tram through a series of chain-link fences (i.e. hard-to-photograph conditions). So let us exit directly into... This Christmas tree was very pretty... This Santa doesn't look like me or the truck driver. Mostly because he's made of lights. They got the bi-plane right, though. Just in case you thought I was lying. The next weekend was the weekend before Christmas and the last one my girlfriend and I would be home until after Christmas. We decided to spend it at the Winterfest of Lights in the nearby beach resort town of Ocean City. You know, some say this particular Santa bears a striking resemblance to... me! Not after this year, however. After being the chamber of commerce's official Santa Claus for seven years (and the official Santa of the Shopping Tour for three), I decided to hang up my beard when my dad hung up his parade clipboard. If I go to this parade next year, it will be as a mere mortal participant and not Jolly Old Elf. Ho ho ho! Remember those inmates who made the Looney Tunes float? They also made this one, which ushered in Santa Claus! For those who remember my TR on this parade last year, the float was recycled from then. News Hound, the mascot from the local newspaper (and my former employer of many years) came out to support the parade. Miss, Little Miss and Little Mr. Crustacean were another focal point in the parade. Believe it or not, "Miss Crustacean" is the grandest and most sought-after title that can be bestowed upon a teenage girl in my hometown. Honest! Saul the Salisbury Jaycees Bear was in the parade, too. Except I couldn't find anyone to wear the suit on behalf of the Jaycees (our regular Saul is currently incubating a child--or at least we assume it's a human child), so my dad borrowed the costume, wrapped a red ribbon around its neck and called it the "Christmas Bear." My mom's boss was the grand marshal. He and his family have done a lot for the town throughout the years--and his grandfather was once governor of Maryland. Remember that float from the last parade in this TR that was made by inmates at the local state prison? It was in this parade, too! After the Shopping Tour I drove to my hometown, where my father was busy putting the finishing touches on the town's annual Christmas parade, which he has co-chaired since its inception. This was a pretty big event since it was his and his co-chair's "farewell" parade. My alma mater high school band led the event. This was my first round. Those cheesy potato things at the top were pretty good! Even the deputies joined us! After the event, we all headed off to Golden Corral for the annual post-Shopping Tour breakfast. Traditionally the last Jaycees event of the year, we always have plenty to celebrate! Because the foundation's mail campaign raised a record amount last fiscal year, we were able to provide each participating family with a free canned ham this year, as well. Unfortunately, given the current state of the economy, that probably will not be the case in 2009. Deputies from the local sheriff's office volunteer to help each year. We used to go it without them. Unfortunately, that led to some... mishaps a few years ago. Suffice it to say Santa barely made it out alive. Joanne organized the party room (AKA the Wal-Mart break room), where the kids went while waiting to board their buses at the end of the event. Wal-Mart played cartoons and provided snacks. Toys R Us gave us coloring pages to help keep the kids occupied, and Joanne brought games from her youth ministry. Wal-Mart employees volunteer to wrap up to two gifts per child each year, and Wal-Mart donates all the wrapping paper and tape. Let the shopping commence! Each child got $65 to spend this year. Melanie went through this child's list with him before the tour began. She's the president of our foundation, which raises more than $10,000 annually for this event. We're so cool, we get our own row of checkout lines for the event. Even Big Mike doesn't get that perk! This isn't a "rough" kid, either... it's just Brian being Brian. For those doubters out there, yes, there is a real Santa Claus. And in the off-season he looks like a truck driver from Maryland's Eastern Shore, apparently. My intern and two of her friends were there! Dozens of volunteers, mostly from the local colleges, get up at 4 a.m. (or stay up after leaving the bars at 2 a.m.) to help out as volunteer chaperones. The Shopping Tour runs from 5 to 8 a.m. in an effort to avoid conflicting with Wal-Mart's peak shopping times during the weeks leading up to Christmas. We typically bus the kids in from the rougher part of town since Wal-Mart is not within walking distance for most of them. (These are not "rough" kids, by the way, but two of our chaperones--who also happen to be two members of my weekly Wednesday night bar trivia league team.) Six days after the Christmas parade I chaired, my roommate (seen here) and I co-coordinated the Jaycees' annual Children's Christmas Shopping Tour, taking nearly 200 underprivileged children from the local area Christmas shopping at Wal-Mart. Children are invited via local elementary schools and social service agencies, each of which receives a limited number of invitations to hand out to those they believe will best be served.

Sorry, computer glitch-induced double post. Nothing to see here. Move down one for the main attraction.

Wow. Just... wow.

I wouldn't bet on it. Haven't you heard that the world is going to end in 2012? Thanks for this, Robb and Ryan! I'm going to go eat my "I'm a nerd" cookie now.

Happy birthday, Big Mike! Hopefully you get to spend it hanging out with your celebrity friends like Jay Leno and Katie Holmes!

The Christmas sale at the porn store may be the best photo ever posted on TPR. Good job! On a related note, it would have been even funnier had BJ's been your bulk membership store of choice....

Roxanne, I love those pictures of Boston. The whole Ravine/Flyer trip was insane! Only seven months until West Coast....