printersdevil78

Yeah, as a wooden coaster enthusiast (thanks to the East Coast Trip), I'm really looking forward to both Giant Dippers, as well as the carousel with the rings at Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk--I can compare to the one at Knoebel's! Also looking forward to seeing the Circus Trees at Gilroy, just about everything at Disneyland and DCA (I canceled my annual vacation there this year--which would have been next week--to go on the East Coast Trip), finally getting to visit a Legoland, and making my triumphant return to Knott's and USH for the first time in nearly two decades. Actually, in all honesty... there really isn't anything I'm *not* looking forward to on the West Coast Trip! Crossing days off the calendar to August 5 is the new reason I wake up every morning.

Great stuff, Shawn! Miss the updates on your RTW website, but I can't wait to see your Olympics photos on here!

Great TR! I was actually researching hotels in the Hershey/Lancaster area today for a possible trip to Christmas in Hershey/Dutch Winter Wonderland, and I came up with a lot of "under renovation" reviews for some of the more budget-friendly places, so it's nice to have visuals (even if it is from a hotel closer to Philly). I just hate it when the room card doesn't work and the person staffing the front desk won't believe you until he/she comes and tries it himself/herself. That happened to me in Canada on the Ravine/Flyer Trip. It happened to a friend of mine a few years ago in Nashville on New Year's Eve, as well, only they never were able to fix his, and the hotel was booked solid for the holiday. They finally ended up taking the door off the hinges to let him in! Great souvenirs, too. Someone gave my mom one of those Hershey's chocolate candles for Christmas last year. So you were sent "on a shoot"? Does that make your career "photographer" or "solider of fortune"? Jason "I've Had Airport Pizza For Breakfast Before, Too" Rhodes

Big Mike, as a Broadway enthusiast as well as a coaster enthusiast, what's your rating on "Avenue Q"? The board of directors over which I preside (for another seven weeks) decided to reward some of our most active members with free tickets to this show during our trip to NYC in early December. I was pretty excited--but we're having a hard time convincing a few of our members that this is an early Christmas present and not a late trick-or-treat (without the treat). I'm sure if I told them the show came with the Big Mike Seal of Approval, their attitudes would quickly change. I'm excited to see our brief-but-rewarding Ocean City meet-up is coming up in just three more TRs!

Hooray! Free slightly singed King Kong chunks for everyone!

^^Oh, I sent my deposit in for West Coast within hours of the trip's announcement! If everyone is nice to me on the trip board, I might consider bringing candy sushi and butter cookies again... but I'm not flying cross-country with a Smith Island cake! Delicious though it was, that thing was a pain to transport even just driving a couple hours to Philly. I'm holding out for more Tim Tams and Cadbury chocolates myself....

^Isn't that surpurfluous? I mean, how is Neil not a "Girl of TPR"?

Predator at Darien Lake was my No. 1 woodie! (All lies!)

I always say I never have time to watch TV, but I do tend to stockpile shows on tape (yeah, I still have one of those old-fashioned VCR thingamabobs) and watch them when I do have free time. My current lineup: --Lost --My Name is Earl --The Office --30 Rock --Life on Mars --Monk --Psych --The Simpsons --King of the Hill --Family Guy --American Dad I also have a collection of DVDs on loan from my dad that I watch on my lunch hour (I originally watched most of them first-run or in reruns during college). They include: --Due South --Early Edition --The White Shadow --Adam 12 --The Rockford Files I wish they would release more episodes of "Quincy, M.E." on DVD beyond season one, and I'm still waiting for them to come out with a "James at 15" DVD set, but as long as they keep putting out new seasons of "CHiPs" (hands down the greatest show in the history of television), I guess I can't complain too much. Kudos to Wes for bringing up "Arrested Development," by the way. That show was Jason Bateman Awesome!

Wow, that's really something to think about. Before this comment, I never, ever thought about TPR's primary goal as being informative. I mean, obviously it is VERY informative--it was a web search for unbiased information about an event I was considering attending at Walt Disney World that led me to discover the site almost two years ago. But since that magical, magical day, I've always seen it as strictly an entertainment venue (and a free one at that!). Now, in the Big Mike thread of all places, I find out that all this time I thought I was being entertained, I was actually learning. Well screw that! If I wanted infotainment, I'd watch "Sesame Street"!* Now I'm going to have to be extra careful about which threads I read to make sure I don't contract anything "informative."* Jason "Why Won't You Let My Brain Just Laugh?" Rhodes *Paragraphs marked with this symbol denote sarcasm. Paragraphs not marked with this symbol denote epiphany.

They must have been in line behind me when I tried to get lunch there in May. I left when the line hadn't moved in 20 minutes... and there was only one person in front of me.

Happy Daylight Savings! Now that October's over, I finally have time to share photos of some of the cool things I got to do with my local Jaycees chapter during what Chuck would call the "grisly month of horror." Enjoy! Finally, after all 200-some children went home, the Plaza was cleaned up and the leftover pumpkin pails were placed into storage for another year, the few of us who were still standing wound down at a local pizza place run by the brother of one of our members. That was our treat for the night. Hope you enjoyed the photos! Even Dave likes "Budgie"! Seriously, this thing is right up there with Curious George and the Cat in the Hat. It's going to be a cultural touchstone. I'm insanely jealous! However, the one that drew the most attention was "Budgie." You've never heard of "Budgie" because it's a book Joanne has personally written, illustrated and mocked up. This is the only existing copy. But rest assured, you WILL hear of "Budgie." Because this thing is going to make Joanne a millionaire many times over. Someday we're all going to be riding a "Budgie" attraction at Universal. And I'm not even being facetious. Just remember you heard about it first on TPR! As a kindergarten teacher, Mary had access to a number of fun Halloween books for storytime. Callie also took some turns at storytime. She's a spy, by the way, not a burglar (she had to make that clarification approximately 390 times throughout the evening). Joanne is used to working with kids as a youth minister, so we made her our queen of storytime. Those who have read this TR all the way through will notice that she came as Silvestra! Mary got to personally escort this little guy, her unofficial "nephew." Our past board member Lesley also came out. We had no idea her son led a secret double life as Bob the Builder! We were excited to see our friends Duran and Wendy come out. Most of us hadn't seen Wendy since June, when she gave birth to a bouncing baby Jack-o-lantern. The Plaza is has long been of special interest to the local city council, which has been trying for years to rejuvenate the entire downtown area. I think one of my vice presidents put it best: "Tonight is the most people that have been on the Plaza in the past six years--combined." Or Saul, the Salisbury Jaycees Bear? If you said Brian, you're right! In fact, one of the police officers on hand during the event put his hat on Brian and took a picture because he said in the fat suit, Brian looked like his lieutenant! Who do you think received more attention from the kids: Brian the personal trainer... ...and ring toss (all recycled from our annual Easter egg hunt). ...a ping pong ball toss... Games included a beanbag throw... This is what it was all about. "Yo, check us out! We got mad Skittlez!" Another bobbysoxer and Belle. Another valley girl, the Joker, two princesses, and someone we think was supposed to be Daphne from Scooby Doo (not pictured is Fred, who was also there). My favorite of the college costumes was a replica of Charlie Brown's ghost from "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown." Also pictured: Three Baltimore Ravens, a costume I didn't understand and a dude who apparently didn't get the "Everyone else is dressing up" memo. Pimp (we let this slide on the "family-friendly" rule on account of no one really knew what he was supposed to be), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and '50s bobbysoxer. Some of their costumes were wild. From left: '60s hippie, local bike rider and '80s valley girl. Our chairperson, Mary, who LOVES having her picture taken (note the sarcasm) gave instructions to the dozens of local college students who came out to help. We encouraged our volunteers to dress in non-scary, family-friendly (our code word for "non-slutty") costumes. I was Fonzie. The event also served as a promotional opportunity for youth-based non- and not-for-profit organizations like the Cub Scouts. At the registration table, kids had to pick up a candy ticket with a listing of the numbered trick-or-treat tables. Volunteers at each table checked off their number on each ticket, ensuring that each kid went through only once so we would have enough candy to go around (which we did--with only seven popcorn balls and one bag of Hershey candy left over). Shake that Laffy Taffy.... This is what 2,160 Tootsie Rolls look like. We received two grants that enabled us to purchase all the candy at no cost to us. And this was our "alternative pail cart" featuring Batman, Darth Vader, Power Rangers, Disney Princesses, Pirates of the Caribbean and Spider-Man. In all we had 271 pails and bags to hand out. Based on the number we had left over, we estimate that we served a little over 200 kids. These were some of the 224 pumpkin pails we had to give away when kids registered. My favorite October event took place on Halloween. Last year the local newspaper reported a sharp decrease in area trick-or-treaters, as some of the neighborhoods around here aren't exactly safe to walk in after dark anymore. Plus parents were worried about drunk drivers, pedophiles, etc. So I came up with an idea of blocking off the mostly abandoned Downtown Plaza and having a safe trick-or-treating event with candy tables, games, prizes, walk-around characters, story time, etc., loosely modeled after Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party. Anyone who thinks I stole the idea for the logo from the Halloween re-theme of the Disney's California Adventure sign is right on the money. The mummy bows to the greatness that is the Chevy Impala. (It was actually resting on the bumper--it fell over when I pulled away.) ...and eat you! Because that's when the scary tiny clowns with no bones come out... No wonder this guy's dead. The surgeon's like, what, 12? For those who always wondered whatever happened to Elvira. You call this a graveyard? It doesn't even have a see-saw! "I can save *how much* on my car insurance?" Ever wonder what would happen if the Joker and Harley Quinn had a love child? So does this guy. "I ain't got no body...." Die, Strawberry Shortcake, die! It's the haunted toilet! Sit at your own risk. Any haunted house with a bar is our kind of haunted house! Q: What's the difference between this and McDonald's? A: You don't get a fancy plate at McDonald's. Glad we filled up on tombstone cupcakes earlier.... Dave finally met someone! And she appears to be saying "Wassuuuup!!!" Once it was dark enough, we took a hayride to the haunted chicken house. The campers run this one-night event as a volunteer project, and it was just superb--not to mention free to the community. Jay encouraged us to take a backstage tour for suggestions and photos (though we kind of wish he'd told his security people we were coming--it would have saved us a lot of explaining later on). Campground Conga! I had a nightmare that these creepy scarecrows were eating my flesh. And for our Universal fans, here's Homer Simpson... sort of. For our Disney fans on the boards, here's Goofy... sort of. Granted, I was a little biased on this one since I hail from the self-proclaimed "Crab Capital of the World." *Insert your own joke here.* These were the ones I liked. Somehow, Dave and I got roped into being pumpkin judges. Most of the campers entered the pumpkin carving contest. There were two more shelves just like this one. After Viagra! Before Viagra. OMG, Tyler was right! Mayonnaise DOES = death! Jay, on the left, would be our member who owns the campground. Dave, on the right, would be hoping this picture will *finally* be the one that's Match.com-worthy. Apparently Jack Skellington had already come and gone. They had hot cider and tombstone cupcakes for invited guests. The gnats were free! The evening after the disappointing costume giveaway, we held our annual basket bingo. I'll spare you the photos, but suffice it to say, it was the worst in chapter history. We're pretty sure it's a sign of the economy: Normally we raise over $2,000; this year we didn't clear $900 despite having more donations and advertising than last year. Things began looking up again, however, as we visited the "Ghosts on the Nanticoke" event that weekend at Roaring Point Campground, owned by one of our members. Bet you can't guess what this guy's favorite ride at Universal is (if you said "Jaws," you're right)! We had advertised that the free Halloween costume shop would be open for two hours, but we didn't have much business after the first 15 minutes, so the costume chairperson and I busied ourselves by organizing items from the chapter's recent military supply drive. This may not look like much, but it represents a portion of more than 500 items collected--plus cards from local elementary school students--for U.S. troops serving overseas. These Winnie the Pooh and Tigger outfits were more like pajamas than costumes. They're being donated to a local Christmas drive for less fortunate families with children. High School Musical is now officially part of this TR. That should send the ratings soaring. All the costumes were donated to us after last Halloween by a local toy store. I just don't understand why hardly anyone wanted free costumes. This stack of Elmos alone retailed for $50 each! In all, we had over $2,700 in costumes to give away absolutely free--and almost no one came. We had 27 Spider-Man outfits to give away. We ended up giving most of them--along with the other hundred-and-some costumes no one came to pick up--to a local counseling center for mothers with drug abuse problems so they could give their clients costumes for their children. On Halloween, I happened to be in the neighborhood and saw one little boy come out of the clinic wearing one of our pirate costumes. It completely brightened my day. Next up: the Jaycees gave away 135 Halloween costumes to less fortunate children... or at least we tried to. Through the local school system, we sent out invitations to 175 families "in need." Of those, only 18 children showed up to claim free costumes. Angela made us all these lovely parting gifts: candy apples dressed up like... caterpillar heads, we think (they may actually have been ladybugs--we were too polite to ask). And Brian was the only player to correctly guess the murderer, earning him a box of Turtles (because they were on sale at Wal-Mart). Travis won the Best Actor Award: a canned ham. Joanne won the Best Costume Award: a box of Hot Tamales (for being so hot). From left: Old Silvestra, new Silvestra, president of the Dungeons & Dragons club and sci-fi convention organizer sex groupie. Or, as Brian said when he found out I created the characters, "You mean all this s*** came out of your head?" Kristin to me, via e-mail: So you're going to make the pregnant lady play a glamorous actress? Me to Kristin, via e-mail: No, you're playing an actress who was glamorous 40 years ago. She's old and washed up now. Kristin to me, via e-mail: Oh, cool. Thanks! Two e-mails later: Wait, did I actually thank you for calling me old and washed up? Dr. Mike played a sci-fi nerd. Call it typecasting (except he has a girlfriend). Silvestra chats up Dave, who played the head "securi-tay" guard at the civic center where Galaxy Con XII was held. Travis played the convention organizer, while his wife Joanne played an actress who stars as sexy alien Silvestra (the third actress to play the character since the late '60s) in the next "Space Station X-10" movie. I played the franchise's creator, who was the night's murder victim. The traditional Murder Mystery Night group shot. These people had no clue what they were in for--but I did. I write a new Murder Mystery for the chapter each year. However, this dessert pizza was the best part of all! And not just because she abbreviated the organization's name in grapes. Anything with a snickerdoodle crust is OK by me! Angela is an AWESOME cook! Never mind the carrots and celery--check out the buffalo chicken pizza and antipasti salad! (Not pictured: her equally amazing mozzarella and basil (pronounced bay-zil) pizza. At least I'm told it was amazing. By the time I got to eat, the bazil pizza was gone and the plate was still rattling on the counter.) Angela and Brian were our gracious hosts this year. First up was Murder Mystery Night. For those who have never attended one of these (and if you haven't, you should), someone is "murdered," and it's up to the rest of the guests to figure out "who dunnit." Kind of like a living version of the board game Clue. This year we had a sci-fi convention theme. Welcome to Galaxy Con XII!

Awesome cars! Awesome pictures! And another awesome car! I give this TR two and a half thumbs up (I found the half-thumb lying on the ground, so I kept it).

Oh, but the difference between them and me? I AM God's gift to theme parks!* Come on, Mega Millions! *Granted, it was a gag gift.

Jahan, are you posting under krazekiddd's screen name again? My head automatically read these sentences in Howard Cosell's voice. Creepy.

Our luxury coach on the Behemoth/Flyer trip had grape bling on it! It kind of looked like this.

These are pretty good! The Mr. Hanky one made me laugh out loud! So what's the process behind something like this? Are they hand-drawn, computer-generated or a little of both? I've always been fascinated by comics creation.

Wow, how did I ever miss this thread!? I'm actually the president this year of my local chapter of the Jaycees, an international civic organization. We organize a ton of community service activities each year, including an annual Easter egg hunt, the city's Christmas parade and everyone's personal favorite--the Children's Christmas Shopping Tour, during which we take about 200 underprivileged kids (ages 3-11) shopping for holiday gifts. Our foundation raises thousands of dollars a year for this cause through its annual mail campaign, and we get hundreds of community members involved as volunteers and chaperones. The local Wal-Mart is great to us (it probably helps that its manager is one of our members), reserving a block of check-out lines just for our event, donating all the giftwrap and turning its breakroom into a "holding" area for kids when they're done shopping, playing cartoon DVDs, and providing coloring activities and free snacks. The cashiers are great, too, each of them keeping boxes of candy bars at their registers to "fill in the gaps" if, say, that year's spending limit is $65 and a child has only $63 worth of items. That's enough left over for at least two Hershey bars! A local church donates buses and drivers, allowing us to provide transportation to kids who otherwise would have no way to get to the store. A local appliance store volunteers their trucks and drivers to help us deliver the toys once they're purchased (there's not room on the buses for 200 kids AND $13,000 worth of toys). And the sheriff's office provides volunteer officers to help keep the kids in line (we started taking this measure after the year Santa got beat up--some of these kids come from REALLY rough neighborhoods). Depending on how much we raise each year, the kids get up to $70 to spend (tax-free). Wal-Mart always makes sure they have at least one bike in that price range on sale for us that day. Some of the kids go wild and spend it all on themselves. Since we leave the invitation distribution up to the local school system, most of the guidance counselors try to rotate who gets invited each year; for most of these kids, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity not to be squandered. Others have a list and refuse to leave until everyone on it--from grandma to the youngest sibling--has a present in their cart. Due to certain incidents we've had in the past (we've been doing this for about a quarter century now--it started at the local McCrory's, a national dime store chain that went out of business about a decade and a half ago), we've had to institute some unusual rules over the years. Parents are no longer allowed to accompany their children because most of them tried to influence what their kids bought ("You can't have that toy; mommy needs new shoes!"). We've had to ban all foods (except things like Hickory Farms gift packs as a present for Uncle Bob and those checkout line candy bars) and toiletries because after we banned parents, they started grocery lists with their kids. And we've had to add a volunteer officer to our distribution point after we caught one woman trying to steal bags of toys off one of the trucks a few years ago before we could get them to the kids who bought them. After the year Santa ended up with a black eye, I stepped into the role, and I have some pretty funny--and heartbreaking--stories from my three years in the suit. Last year when one of the kids wanted to buy a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles TV set, his chaperone (who was also a member of our chapter), unable to find any other chapter members in the immediate vicinity to ask, came over to me and asked, "Hey, Santa, we want to buy at TV, but we aren't sure if we're allowed to spend our money on electronics." I told her the rule was no food, toiletries or firearms; everything else was perfectly OK. She made it a point to duck around the corner a few minutes later to say, "Thanks for clarifying, Santa" and then added sarcastically, "Especially on the firearms." Later that same morning as I was on my way out of the store to change back into my "civilian" clothes, two little girls stopped me, and one said, "Are you REALLY Santa?" Having dealt with this question many times, I knelt down and said, "Do YOU think I'm really Santa?" to which the girl said, "No." At which point I stood back up and said, "Well then I guess it's all what you make of it, now isn't it? Merry Christmas!" As I walked away, I heard the other little girl say, "See, I told you he really IS Santa Claus!" Our president at the time, who overheard the whole exchange, followed me around the corner and managed to hold in his laughter until then. "Santa," he said. "It's only 7 a.m. Do you think next year you can try not to get existential with the kids until at least 9?" But my most heartbreaking Santa experience came two years ago when a little girl, about 5 or 6, stopped in front of me, said, "Santa, I have a secret to tell you," and motioned for me to kneel down, which I did. "What's your secret?" I asked. She proceeded to tell me: "My pa says you're not real because you never come to our house. But I know you're real 'cause you made it so I could be here today." She then hugged me, followed up with, "I love you, Santa!" and ran off to start her shopping. Unfortunately, since I'll be busy doing presidential things during this year's Shopping Tour, I won't get to be Santa (not at this event, anyway; I'm still the official Santa for my childhood hometown Christmas parade, which my dad runs). But it's a fair trade for the new community events I've been able to institute this year, including a child safety seat awareness day at which we replaced nine defective safety seats (out of the 42 we checked--a county record at the time), potentially saving the lives of those children; the county's first county-wide Read Across America event that set a one-day attendance record at the city library; a Halloween costume giveaway for less fortunate children (which had much lower attendance than I suspected it would); a post-holiday military supply drive that garnered more than 500 items for troops serving abroad; a statewide disposable camera and gift card drive for the Casey Cares Foundation, a Make-A-Wish-type organization for critically ill children in the Mid-Atlantic region; and Treat Street, during which on Halloween night we will turn our city's largely abandoned Downtown Plaza into safe trick-or-treating environment (modeled in part after Mickey's Not-So-Scary Halloween Party, only without fireworks, a parade or Space Mountain) for children who come from neighborhoods where trick-or-treating is no longer advisable. Of course, what a lot of people fail to understand is that events like these take a lot of money, not just for the materials themselves ($700 worth of candy for Treat Street alone, for example), but for infrastructure--everything from insurance (which is our biggest annual expense) to postage to meeting space. Because of that, besides community projects we end up running a lot of volunteer fundraisers throughout the year, as well--everything from pouring beer at local festivals in exchange for a small percentage of the profits to holding an annual basket bingo (which didn't do so hot this year given the current economy). Earlier this year, I instituted a new fundraiser that we hope will grow to help fund nearly all of our events each year (the Shopping Tour will always have its own separate mail campaign): a 50-mile bike ride combining scenic views with stops at local historical points of interest. We raised nearly $1,000 with 41 riders this year; our hope is to grow the event to 750 riders int he next 10 years, giving us an annual gross of about $18,000 for a single day's worth of manpower. It sure beats earning a couple hundred dollars selling Panera Bread coupons! Anyway, sorry if I seem overly excited. It's only because I am!

Sorry, King, I must have missed you because I definitely would have noticed either of those shirts (my favorite TV show and park, respectively). However, I did have one guy dressed in all black, holding a cornstalk, walk up to me and ask if I was Jewish. This was before I saw the Sukkot Festival sign, so before he spoke, I thought he was a scare-actor!

^^^I'm not sure about whether the hot dog eating competition was an up-charge. One would assume it was, but when they approached me about entering, they made it sound like it was free. Since I didn't pursue it, I didn't think to ask. ^^Nope, no Laser for me. I'm allergic to most rides that go upside-down. ^Thanks, Chuck!

I was in Allentown last Sunday for the Philly Non-Sports Card Show (held this year in Allentown instead of Philadelphia, though they kept the name for tradition's sake) and not wanting to drive three and a half hours just for a trading card show, I decided to work Dorney Park into my schedule, as well. I'll admit I was leery--after all Dorney is a Cedar Fair park, and I had a vastly horrible Cedar Fair experience earlier this year at Kings Dominion (http://www.themeparkreview.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=44010). But then, I had a decent experience at Canada's Wonderland, so I really wasn't sure what to expect. Suffice it to say, Dorney Park is one of the best corporate amusement parks I've visited in a long while. It champions its history, has some great rides and is just an overall nice place. Even the food was (mostly) decently priced, which I did not find to be the case at all at either Kings Dominion or Canada's Wonderland. Had I realized I could have gotten a taco for $2 at Dorney, I wouldn't have bothered with the $6 buffet at the hall where the card show was held (I wish I'd taken my camera with me on that portion of my trip because that food was so awful, it had to be seen to be believed)! Anyway, enough with the "blah, blah, blah"; you want photos. The next 97 are on me. Fortunately, I had better luck at the second Waffle House on my route. I was the only customer, so the service was impeccable! The two waitresses were extremely nice, my food took less than four minutes (most fast food places can't even do that anymore), and I got all this for just $7.20! And then I returned home to my boring life. But at least I have the memories of Dorney (and the girl from the "Dead Awakening" show) to tide me over until next amusement park season begins! Besides, I had other plans! Fun fact: The first Waffle House I stopped at on the way home was--are you ready for this?--out of waffles! And the waiter was extremely rude about letting me know that. I mean, what was I thinking, ordering a waffle at the Waffle House? A Dorney Park employee actually approached me about entering the hot dog eating contest, but I declined. Not only did I have to get on the road, but I really didn't want to be on the road for three and a half hours with 30 hot dogs in my system! You know, when the brochure said the sideshow featured "girl-on-girl grinding," this wasn't exactly what I had in mind.... Heidi was the fire dancer. And really, with a name like Heidi, you're going to be either a fire dancer, opera singer or St. Pauli Girl model. She chose wisely. Spike, the stilt walker, was our host for the evening. Why "Spike"? Well, because in addition to walking on stilts, he also swallowed razor blades and challenged himself to play the "shell game" by smashing his hand on a series of paper lunch bags, one of which contained an upturned broken beer bottle. Quality entertainment! The outside was well-themed, though the inside was just Dorney's picnic pavilion with a stage set up in front. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see if the mostly naked girl ever awoke from her nightmare, as I left early to squeeze in the evening's first showing of "General Jack's Sideshow Bizarro" before I had to leave for the long drive back to Maryland (the next day was a work day, after all). This is the stage on which the "Dead Awakening" show played out. I wish I had gotten photos of the actual show, but my camera doesn't do well with moving objects at night. Plus I would have been a little embarrassed. This had to have been at once one of the best and worst theme park shows through which I've ever partially sat. Basically, an incredibly attractive 20-something wearing nothing but Victoria's Secret panties and a babydoll nightgown dances suggestively and sings (very well) while trying to escape a nightmare from which she cannot awake. A bevy of semi-attractive female backup dancers in Frederick's of Hollywood lingerie and a few guys in ripped T-shirts (who look like rejects from either the Sharks or the Jets) provide the "nightmare," which ranges from a car crash to something having to do with a bell tower (I really didn't understand that part) to having her new fiance seduced away from her to drinking alcohol to flirting with lesbianism. Honest. What I really couldn't believe were the number of parents who brought their young children to the show! Signs all over the place specifically stated the production was suitable for adults only, yet there were kids in strollers on up through 12-year-olds. Which I'm sure later led to questions like, "Mommy, what's rehab?" and "If they can wear their underwear outdoors, why can't I?" and "Why was that one lady crawling all over that other lady like daddy crawls on the babysitter when you're not home?" I include this picture from Canada's Wonderland for comparison purposes to demonstrate perhaps the only way in which Canadians are superior to Americans: Dorney's Coasters serves Pepsi products, while Wonderland's offers Coke. See, Universal isn't the only park with a Die-In! You can't see them that well here, but Coasters also featured '50s-colored pastel pink and blue coffins on its roof. Suggested Caption No. 1: Because rusty farm implements are ALWAYS scary! Suggested Caption No. 2: Not to be confused with "Cornhole Stalkers," which is a whole different (but equally terrifying) attraction. No nighttime photos of the Haunt areas, unfortunately, but here are some pictures of the facades to give you an idea of what was offered. This was the haunted Wild West town. Think the basic plot for every generic western you ever saw, only in skeletal form. When I walked by him later that evening, he got sprung. Here's our master of scare-amonies, Jack. Only kidding! The event everyone clicked to see, of course, is Haunt! But enough rides. It's time to get to the event everyone clicked on this TR to see. (Seriously, I think I was the only non-Jew at the park all day.) Is it just me, or is there something a little "off-model" about all those Scoobys? I'm pretty sure the seat belts weren't originally part of the ride, though. Dang lawyers! It even still had all its original brass fixtures! There it is, in all its 88-year-old glory. An original 1920 whip? This sign might as well have said, "Hey, Jason, come and ride me! You know you want to." Of course, I saved the best for last. For my fellow antique carousel enthusiasts. The coolest thing about this antique carousel, besides its being an antique carousel, was that during Haunt, it played organ versions of "scary" TV and movie themes. I heard "The Addams Family," "Ghostbusters" and "Casper, the Friendly Ghost." I know; I could be a postcard photographer, right? A purple, one-of-a-kind 1935 kiddie train called the Zephyr? Sweet! I took a picture of the Enterprise just because I felt like I should. And now I feel bad for caving in to peer pressure. Even the exit signs on Apollo were cool! (I'm a bit of an amusement park sign fanboy, in case you hadn't noticed.) I've loved these rides ever since I discovered them on the Behemoth/Flyer Trip earlier this year. A ride named after the candy bar on "Lost"? Count me in! Someday Road Rally will be gone and something else will take its place. And on that day, this picture will be worth MILLIONS on eBay! ...or Kings Dominion. I couldn't decide whether this reminded me of Marineland... That's probably why! That was the temperature shortly after 3 p.m. White Water Landing was SBNO today. Screamin' Swing? No thanks! Especially since it's an up-charge. I love a park that openly celebrates its history. Here's a shout out to the dearly departed Flying Dutchman. It's giving credits to angels now. Go, kitty, go! ...but most of all, it features cars resembling both mice AND cats! ...and the corner brackets in the cue are themed to resemble swiss cheese... OK, so what makes Dorney's Wild Mouse the best Wild Mouse ever? Well, for starters, they have these cute gate markers... And a Talon shot from inside the park. Because we know we can count on your vote. Also, parking lot Talon. Parking lot Hydra. Because I'm trying to sway the Hydra fan vote. BeemerBoy for president! Fun fact: Hydra was originally supposed to be called Hydrox. The name was changed when plans for it to be the first roller coaster with a creamy vanilla center were scrapped. Let's twist again like we did last summer. Thinking back to those walk-around characters, I wonder if Doo-Doo likes Voodoo? Regardless, here it is again. And speaking of Steel Force... does its logo remind anyone else of a certain other Pennsylvania coaster? Say, in the Pittsburgh area? Oooh, trains for Steel Force and Thunderhawk in the same shot! "What skill this photographer must have," you say? Well, actually... all I had to do was wait for Steel Force to come around. Thunderhawk, you see, was stuck on the lift hill. I took this maybe a minute before the evac. I loves me a 1923 woodie. Fun fact: I caught myself humming Billy Joel's "Allentown" while in line for this coaster. And then I stopped. And speaking of Thunderhawk.... This place had a serious cobweb problem. ...was closed during Haunt? Am I the only one who finds it ironic that Monster... ...and Doo-Doo Head. (NOTE: The woman to the right isn't an officially sanctioned walk-around character, but if she was, her name would be Rude Lady Who Doesn't Care That She Walked Into My Shot Because She Already Got Her Own Picture of Doo-Doo Head.) ...the Mummy Who Apparently Has to Pee... You gotta love the kiddie Haunt walk-around characters. Like Tipsy Pete the Pirate... "Grrr, I am the guardian of the last pay phone in Pennsylvania! Deposit 50 cents or I WILL EAT YOU!" I wonder if Waldameer's Whacky Shack came to the funeral... or just sent flowers. It took me awhile to realize the names on the headstones were defunct Dorney rides. I loved the coffin benches in this section. So what's an angel like you doing in a seedy neighborhood like this? Ha ha ha! Get it? Time to go walk under the giant skull. What's the difference between Dorney and Kings Dominion? At Dorney, this is Haunt theming. At Kings Dominion, oozing barrels of toxic waste are SOP. Because random skeletal organists placed in the middle of open fields are always good theming! I liked this one especially since he wore a Snoopy tie. The zombies apparently were named after park managers. Of course, there were subtle reminders that I was still at a Cedar Fair park. Seriously, $4.50 for a bottle of water? Dude, for just 50 cents more, I can get a whole order of crab fries. Or six bags of coconut haystacks! To go with your strawberry steak, naturally. Yes, you are reading that right; it's a gummy strawberry T-bone steak. I didn't buy it, but since candy was 50 percent off for the end of the season, I did help myself to two bags of Dorney brand coconut haystacks at just 75 cents each! In other news, Peppermint Patty is now facing a class action suit filed by patients with type II diabetes. Woodstock Express track, for those who are into those kinds of things. Some people wait for the leaves to change. Me? I wait until they grow doors. Franklin is to the core of "Peanuts" what Bucky Bug is to the core of Disney. Which is why I was at once surprised and delighted when he turned up at Dorney! "Marcie, why does our school look like something out of 'Little House on the Prairie'?" This is what he looks like now. This is what Snoopy used to look like before they cut off his hands and legs and stuffed him with straw. Of course, not all the Haunt decorations were scary. These ghosts reminded me of the ones we used to make out of Kleenex, ribbon and Dum Dums in elementary school. You know, maybe playing rooftop football is the way this guy got all dead in the first place. And they even replaced some of the cannonballs with bowling balls. Brilliant! There's his target on the other side. So since they went through all the trouble of setting up a random cannon scenario and all, at least they followed through completely. OK, now where did this skeleton find a cannon? Seriously, who just leaves a cannon lying around by the side of a lake? And would you believe the Wichita lineman is STILL on the line? And in here! Fun fact: Just before leaving the park that evening, I stopped in the restroom adjacent to this attraction and washed my hands next to one of the evil clowns. Clowns go in here! Oooh, it's the scary... um... ice cream truck. Yeah. Sadly, I know guys in real life who would pay big money to have their trucks painted like that. They were having trouble getting the dune buggy started this morning. It's good to see they finally got it to turn over. Now who's ready to see the back side of water? It's funny because his name sounds like what he does! When I was a kid, I had a "Ghostbusters" car that looked a LOT like this. Does anyone else remember that, or am I just making up childhood memories again (seriously, if I am, my therapist wants to know)? Somehow, this lacks the ambiance of Disneyland's horse-drawn version. Dorney boasts quite the vehicle collection during Halloween Haunt. I assume they don't leave the hearses lying around during other parts of the year, but since this was my first visit, I really don't know that for a fact. This is how I know I'm about to enter the park.

No Big Mike Roadshow in 2009? This is why it doesn't pay to have heroes Did you happen to see that Skate Daze made USA Today's national "10 Best Places to Let Good Times Roll on Skates" list last week? Do you think USA Today or anyone else had ever heard of Skate Daze before the Big Mike Roadshow? I think not! Keep the roadshow alive in 2009. You owe it to the American people! During the Great Depression they had Seabiscuit. During the Not-So-Great Recession we have Big Mike! The hopes of a nation ride on your coasters.

Thanks, Alex and Menefee! Those old films completely made my night!

Maryland should be taken care of as of last week, if it wasn't already. Good luck, Sammi! What kinds of facts has everyone been putting on these? I included that Maryland is known as the "Free State" because during the Civil War, slaves crossing the Mason-Dixon Line north into Maryland were considered "free" (that's really more of a generalization considering the divided political climate in Maryland at the time, but it's close enough for a postcard blurb) and that the state flower is the Black-Eyed Susan because it contains the yellow and black colors of the crest of the Calvert family, who founded Maryland.

Wow, that sounds amazing! Since your and your partner's having a good time is obviously their intention in giving you this trip, maybe one of the best ways to thank them would be to compile an album for them of photos from the honeymoon. Show them what a great time you had on the trip and give it to them with a nice letter telling them you're happy to feel like such a welcome addition to their family. That's what I'd do, anyway.