printersdevil78

Wait. Wha...?

I would like to take this opportunity to formally apologize for any "haterism" I may have intentionally or unintentionally inflicted upon the Big Mike thread For the record, all "haterism" should have been directed toward broccoli, the silent green killer, and not anyone involved or affiliated with the Big Mike Road Show or Big Mike Productions, Inc. I apologize for any confusion this may have caused. Be warned, broccoli; your day is coming!

My record is almost nine years, from the time I rode the Scooby Doo at KD (my first coaster) at age 7 to my second coaster experience aboard the Big Bad Wolf at BGE/W on a sophomore year band trip in high school in 1994. From there, my second-longest run is tied at five years each between Big Bad Wolf in 1994 and Idlewild's Rollo Coaster in 1999, and Rollo Coaster '99 and Disneyland's Big Thunder Mountain Railroad in 2004. My longest stretch not counting Disney coasters has been a full nine years, from Rollo Coaster in 1999 to Kennywood's Jackrabbit this past June. Currently, it's been 18 days since I last rode a coaster. When really, it should have been only two. Stupid Tropical Storm Hanna.

Let's see, I've got: Arizona California Colorado (airport only) Connecticut Delaware Florida Georgia Idaho Illinois (for five minutes because my pen pal/tour guide took a wrong turn in St. Louis) Louisiana Maryland Massachusetts Missouri Montana Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New York North Carolina Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas (airport only) Vermont Virginia Washington, D.C. (not really a state) West Virginia Wyoming

Man, hurricanes really blow! (I'll give you a moment to wrap your mind around that one.) I just canceled my appointment this weekend with the Big Mike Road Show because of Hanna. While the storm should be gone by the time Big Mike gets to Hard Rock Park, I would end up having to drive right through it on Saturday morning at what is now predicted to be its peak in order to get there on time At least the hotels were good about refunds when I had to cancel. Apparently I'm not the only one who decided not to visit Myrtle Beach this weekend. Go figure.

Are you kidding? Elissa Bingo was a trip highlight for me! I'm listening to my Dave CD and taking my "Star Wars" flying discs to play with during my mini-trip to Myrtle Beach this weekend. Maybe they'll ward off the hurricane!

Great TR! The boomerang photo is especially awesome (and that may well be the only time you'll ever see "boomerang" and "awesome" in the same sentence, coaster-wise). They obviously put a lot of work into the Castle of Horrors exterior. Is the interior as good?

After the Behemoth/Ravine Flyer Trip opened my eyes to the world of lumber and speed, I just couldn't get enough wooden coasters! I spent the next day at Knoebels, contemplated buying a full-day ticket to Hershey Park for a 45-minute window I had the day after just to get my fix (I didn't do it--but I was a little sad about it) and ultimately ended up driving two and a half hours after work that Thursday, the one-week anniversary of the trip's end, to Six Flags America to cram in two hours of woodie goodness. I figured out in the end that it was actually more beneficial to go ahead and purchase an SF season pass, which would get me into Six Flags Great Adventure that Sunday. Then five days later, I met up with a very special guest at some non-Six Flags parks near my hometown. And this weekend I'm driving nine hours to Hard Rock Park for one final woodie blowout on Life in the Fast Lane, giving up my last completely free weekend until after Thanksgiving (and one of the only two until after Christmas). It's no longer a hobby. Or even a lifestyle. It's an obsession! And remember that special guest from five days later that I mentioned in the introduction (you did read the introduction, didn't you?). Well here he is: It's Big Mike, who joined me on the Wacky Worm at Baja Amusements in Ocean City, MD! Actually, we toured three parks in the greater Ocean City area... but he took more than enough photos for both of us, so this was the only one I managed. Keep an eye on the Big Mike Road Show thread for updates on our Wacky (Worm) adventures!* *This message neither paid for nor endorsed by Big Mike Enterprises. Will do! I thoroughly enjoy the fact that Six Flags' own graphics design people put the company logo in the garbage on every trashcan and T-shirt. ...and a graveyard. Apparently they were already starting to set up for this year's Halloween event. ...Daffy Duck... ...a barbershop with poor business practices... ...and an Italian castle (wonder if they use DelGrosso's sauce)... Even when I wasn't riding things at SFGAd, I got to see some neat stuff. Like a tiger... But grinding's OK, right? This flag in the simulator's sparsely decorated que area (in fact this flag was the ONLY decoration in the que area) should have offered an early hint that this ride was going to be a flop. Count the stars; there are only 48. The film (and ride) are set in 1969, a full decade after the last 48-star American flag was produced. R&D=fail. This would be the second and last ride my sister rode at Six Flags, the park's new simulator based on a movie that hadn't even come out yet when we rode it. It was horrible in that it didn't actually simulate anything, but instead just showed some film clips (presumably taken directly from the movie) and jiggled the seats a little. Simulator designers, I implore you: If you're going to go through all the trouble of making these things, make them from the audience's POV. That's the ONLY way they work. See Soarin' Over California, Shrek 4-D and Corkscrew Hill for examples. It was cool, however, to see a working parachute ride. Not many of these left, at least not at the parks I've visited. Boy, the U.S. military budget must be WAY down if they're sending troops to train at Six Flags! My side lost However, I did ride Rolling Thunder, in all its rough woodie racing glory! And if I wouldn't ride GASM, what do you think are the odds I rode Kingda Ka? I also didn't ride GASM. Because I'm a sane person. And not a credit whore. Most of the time. El Toro is... OK, I admit it. I didn't actually ride El Toro. Because the line was and hour and a half long, and I felt bad leaving my sister (who normally won't ride anything faster than It's a Small World) sitting alone on a bench for that long. But I'll get you next year, El Toro! *Shakes fist* Next year! I touched El Toro, and I could hear again from my deaf ear! I would trade my first-born child (if ever I have a first-born child) for one more ride on El Toro! God Himself couldn't have made a coaster any more impressive than this! This coaster is simply amazing! Because they're all over here, Pepe! "I cannot understand vhy ze crowds, zey are nowhere near me." Oh, come on. How much did Warner Bros. have to pay the U.S. Department of the Interior to have a whole park named after Bugs Bunny? Our time in Frontier Adventures ended happily. Next it was time for a little credit whoring. And I'd like to give a shout out to the entire population of Guadalajara, Mexico, which cut in front of me in line for this ride. Like most sawmills, this one had a flume and a restaurant. I'm not sure why, but my Gotham City Rail car apparently took me all the way to the old west. At least that's the impression I get from that giant covered wagon.... OK, now where were we? Oh yes, waiting in line for 45 minutes (that short only because I got there within an hour of park opening) to catch the Gotham City Rail out of town. Those who are in the know already know this facade houses SFGAd's newest ride, The Dark Knight. You also know it's been heavily panned, not least of all on these boards. Well you know, I liked it. No, it wasn't all thrills and spills... but the theming was extraordinary. Unlike most coasters, it had a storyline, which I really enjoyed. And thanks to the theming (like the "City at War" newspaper posted out front), I could easily follow it without having seen the movie. I call it a success and would have ridden it again later in the day if the line hadn't been 90 minutes by then. And again! And there he is again! Oh, THERE he is! Apparently that's all it takes to get a star on the Gotham City Walk of Fame (coincidentally, his is the ONLY star on the Gotham City Walk of Fame). And where's Superman while all this is going on, anyway? OK, so the Joker's on the loose, Gotham City is at war, and Batman is too busy posing for pictures with Wonder Woman to do anything about it? Just checking. ...Hawkgirl and The Flash are busy posing for pictures. (Again, Hawkgirl, really? They couldn't have spent that money on the Green Arrow? Or if they needed a female superhero, Super Girl?) Meanwhile, at the Hall of Justice... The Joker's on the loose! And he looks nothing like Heath Ledger. Which kind of makes one wonder why they're still using the traditional Joker walk-around character instead of switching to the new movie version. Even more puzzling, why have a walk-around character of Captain Cold? Only die-hard comic book geeks like me are going to know who he is (The Flash's archenemy). Shouldn't they have spent that money and licensing fee on someone the general public actually may have heard of? Like the Penguin? Or Catwoman? Or Lex Luthor? Oh, THAT'S why! Fun fact: The front page of this newspaper, on display at The Dark Knight ride, was actually printed and distributed as a four-page paper to help promote the movie. This and several other issues were also distributed online as part of the film's virtual marketing campaign. How's that for synergy? There seemed to be lots of places for sale and lease in Gotham City. I wonder why. And while I have absolutely no clue what this was supposed to be, it sure was cool! I wasn't sure if this was part of the theming or just Jersey being Jersey. Behold Batman: The Ride. The theming in Movietown was just awesome! Though I don't understand why they just don't rename the whole area "Gotham City" and get it over with. Noted! So then we saw the Batmobile. Which just standing still and roped off was about a thousand times cooler than Skull Mountain. Should say, "Danger: This ride represents 15 minutes of your life you will never, ever get back. The pumpkin said so." Skull Mountain's track layout reminded me a lot of one of the other family coasters, Blackbeard's Lost Treasure Train. This coaster has such a cool name! And it's in this really cool building! And it has a really, really cool que! And then it sucks. It totally, totally sucks. It's a family coaster (if that). In a box. With one over-sized cartoon skeleton/scarecrow thing. And a neon pumpkin. Yes, a pumpkin. W... T... F..? You East Coast-trippers ALL know what I'm talking about. First coaster of the day: Skull Mountain. People also looked like ants from the Big Wheel. Probably. I didn't ride it. Look up, you people-looking ants! Look at me or I will crush you! This is where the sky ride cars live. I love World's Fairs. And of all the World's Fairs, the 1964-1965 New York World's Fair, though illegitimate, was probably the grandest of them all. So yeah, we rode the sky ride. In fact, it was one of the only two rides my sister (who went with me on the "free guest" coupon I received with my season pass) rode the entire day. Um, is that boat jumping, or did they just forget to add dye to the water? Dolphins live here! I wonder how far Concord is from Lennoxford. A fountain in the entry plaza? How quaint! Hi, Mr. Wiggle! But someone should really tell the Road Runner that his tail is dead. And I guess Wile E. Coyote is acceptable. OK, the Daffy Duck topiary is approved. That's a little better.... Bugs Bunny greets visitors at the gate. At least I think it's supposed to be Bugs Bunny.... Three days later, it was on to SFGAd. We see you and your Halfpipe, Tony Hawk! Roar! Six Flags quality, baby! As woodies go, Roar was a lot more fun than Wild One. It had a lot to do with its crew. Wild One's ops had what I came to discover was the typical SFA "Please shoot me now" attitude (and I stood in line with several guests who I suspect would have, given the opportunity). Roar's ops were high-fiving riders, cracking jokes over the PA system and generally having an infectiously good time. "If I was open, I'd be vomiting boats about now!" Dead men tell no tales! Should we open "Two-Face" today? *Flips coin* Nope! But screw that, I got my woodie fix! It opened as the Giant Coaster at Massachusetts' Paragon Park in 1917. This was the main reason for my 150-minute drive: the historic Wild One, highly recommended by wooddragon1988 during the Behemoth/Flyer trip. My favorite WTF part of this park (and there were many) was how they obviously strove to make it as authentically colonial as possible within a theme park setting... and then piped in hip-hop music throughout the colonial Main Street. Even more juxtaposing was that the rest of the park was bathed in all the greatest hits of the 1970s (go Donnie and Marie!). I fought a tough work day, killer storms and rush-hour traffic to get here... but I finally made it to Six Flags America!

Two days after the Ravine/Flyer trip and one day after my first experience at Knoebels, I found myself with a little extra time while driving from Elysburg, PA, to Timonium, MD, where I had to be that evening for a convention, so I took a slight detour to Hershey's Chocolate World. It should be noted that I was too cheap to buy a full-day Hershey Park ticket for the 45 minutes I had to spare, which is why this is posted in the "Random, Random, Random" discussion instead of "Theme Parks, Roller Coasters & Fill-in-the-Blank." I posted pictures of the new singing cows in my TR last year from the Hershey Park in the Dark Halloween event (OK, technically it was natatomic's Hershey Park in the Dark TR, and I just added photos a week later), so none of those this time. But hopefully the smattering of photos that are here will provide a smile or two for those who were lucky enough to click on this topic. OK, since you were good and read through the whole thing... one picture of Wildcat from the highway! (I think that's Wildcat--if not, someone please correct me.) Goodbye, Chocolate World! ...my ride's here! Sorry, Really Big 3-D Show, no time for you today... And who cares about Twizzler Icees when you can have THIS? A peanut butter cup cup cake and frozen hot chocolate! (Just looking at this picture makes Dan's sugar spike dangerously!) Who cares about Vault Icees? They've got Twizzler Icees! Speaking of Kit Kats.... First, Kit Kats are leased from Nestle. Then they're glued to a conveyor and paraded in front of Hershey's Chocolate World guests. This is how Reese's Peanut Butter Cups would be made if they were produced by magic, lined up on a cylindric cone by amusement park ride designers and sung to by cows. Apparently it had deposited quite a few Kisses by the time I arrived. And this would be the Kiss Depositor. It's where Gene Simmons comes to relax after a hard day. This is how they get Hershey bars to look like Hershey bars. Noted! More smokestacks. More fun. Chocolate production apparently begins on a wall that's painted to look like a farm. The sign tells you where we are. The characters tell you they're delicious.

Nice TR! Sure beats my Labor Day weekend outing at the Crab Derby. And I thought only the Maryland carnies smelled like cabbage....

^^^Ah, but I did hit Cosmotron! I just had to take a posting break for dinner.... Read on! ^^That sounds more like it. I thought the carousel seemed older, but I remembered 1941 from the sign. ^I think my expectations were probably higher than they normally would have been based on all the excellent things I've heard about Knoebels' food (which held up, for the most part). Plus I was spoiled, food-wise, on the Behemoth/Flyer trip, which had ended just hours earlier. I'm willing to give it a second chance (especially if I can have some more of those fried brownies at the end)! However, plans did still call for lunch. Angela had tipped me off to Cesari's pizza--and it was MUCH better than her tri-taters suggestion! This plus some kind of combination citrus drink (strawberry-orange? lemon-orange? I don't remember) was the perfect way to end my first (but hopefully not last) visit to Knoebels. Next stop: Hershey's Chocolate World! My plans all along had been to stop by Knoebels for lunch the next day on my way out of town. However, I still had a few tickets burning a hole in my pocket, so I decided to venture out early and use them to re-ride Twister and Phoenix. There were two trains' worth of people ahead of me at Twister (seen here). As the last train before I was to board rolled into the station, one of the ride ops started yelling for us all to stand back. Smoke was streaming from the train! Turns out the wheels on the car I was about to board had locked up on the track. They closed the ride, but allowed those of us who were in line to stay. After some brief maintenance, the ops sent the orange train out empty for three consecutive runs while others prepared the blue train, on the switch track, just in case. Fortunately, the orange train passed muster, and on the fourth run, we were allowed to board. When we reached the top of the lift hill, it still smelled strongly of smoldering wood. It was a little unnerving, to say the least! Unfortunately, the brief closure of Twister sent everyone to Phoenix, and by the time I got there, there was a 45-minute wait... too long for my schedule. I used part of my Phoenix tickets for an extra ring-grabbing ride on the carousel and pocketed the rest as souvenirs. My accommodations in nearby Danville. Pay no attention to the price on the sign. I got an Internet discount and paid WAY less than that. High gas prices=low hotel rates nationwide this year. Finally, as the Mahoney Brothers ended their set and the park began shutting down, I (and many others) did leave. I really was about to leave an hour before park closing (I was still immensely tired from the Behemoth/Flyer trip), when I heard music and stumbled upon a very happy surprise. One of my favorite Beatles tribute bands, The Manoney Brothers, were playing on the free concert stage! And finally, more Kozmo. Petrified stump (take that, Disneyland!). Random clown (I wonder if he and the Waldameer clown are cousins). Iwo Jima reproduction statue. Kiddie train to nowhere. Building shaped like a loaf of bread. Building shaped like an apple. Legless soldier. Old wood. Chainsaw sculptures (all bears). Two-century-old White Oak stump (or "Wye Oak," as we call them in Maryland). Creepy anthropomorphic food telling bad jokes. ...which made the top of this pavilion rotate. Just because it could, apparently. ...which turned these gears... Snack bar with a waterwheel... Santa's sleigh (with his picture on it so he knows it's his, I guess). Santa Claus and the North Pole. Themed electrical building in the middle of nowhere (the path from the rest of the park to Twister). Locomotive for kids to climb on. Western show that I forgot about and didn't get to see (again particularly random because as far as I could tell, there was no other western theming in the park). 1875 covered bridge (you had to cross this to get to Twister from the park's main section). Pirate ship gift shop (especially random considering a.) it just kind of sat by itself as an oasis in the walkway and b.) there was absolutely no other pirate theming anywhere else in the park). 1933 summer cottage turned into a candy store. Swans. Awesome defunct ticket dispenser. Church directory. Every time I thought about leaving, I found some other awesome random thing I had missed or some new section of the park I hadn't before traversed. I got there shortly before noon and ended up staying until closing. And now, a series of photos I call "The Most Random Things Ever That I Found at Knoebels," starting with the park's birthday cake (with candles) pavilion. After Cosmotron, I re-rode both coasters a few times (nearly everything was a walk-on all day) and then stopped by Playland before going around to various shops to purchase some souvenirs for myself and others. Unfortunately, I guess some of the unique arcade games I found on the Behemoth/Flyer trip spoiled me because I didn't find much to excite me at Playland. For those who have never ridden it, it is indeed similar to a rave party (or what I've seen of them on TV), as Reon states. For those who were on the Behemoth/Flyer trip, it's the same principle as Space Odessey at DelGrosso's... only with a Matterhorn base instead of a Caterpillar, no black light ninja kitties, ride cycles that last less than a full song, non-surly ride ops and no "Tainted Love." Cosmotron seemed like a good ride to follow Mexican food....

After scoring the free hotel breakfast on the last day of the Behemoth/Flyer trip/first day of the East Coast Trip, I skipped the Sesame Place add-on and took my own side trip to Knoebels. This place was awesome! From old-school rides to a really great atmosphere, Knoebels is my new favorite amusement (not theme) park. Anyway, the pictures show why. Enjoy! These, however, were awesome! Deep-fried brownies. They may not look like much, but they were full of chocolaty crunchy goodness on the outside... and the inside tasted just like warm chocolate pudding! More pics to come shortly. Based on Elissa's positive experience with Pennsylvania Mexican food at Idlewild Park the day before, I decided to give it a try myself at Knoebels. Unfortunately, all Pennsylvania Mexican is not created equally, it seems. This stuff was pretty bad. Yes, apparently they are! What's all this about sauce? Is Knoebels trying to put DelGrosso's out of business? So many great puns.... So much to choose from.... Once the storm passed, it was time for food! And the train. The antique cars. The Ferris wheel. ...AKA Skloosh! The onomatopoeia ride... Downdraft. This thing, the name of which I can't remember. The bench ride. Which is really just a whip, despite the extra "per." The Whipper. The Motorboats. The phallic slide (one of very few left operating in the United States, once so popular that Disney's California Adventure pays tribute to these rides with a neon recreation atop its Souvenir 66 stand). The Red Baron. Throughout the day, I took pictures of a number of rides that, though I didn't necessarily ride them, were neat because of their historic value or uniqueness. Things like the Roto Jets. This being Pennsylvania, smoking was not only permitted, it was encouraged! Right after I got off the Skooter, the big storm hit. It poured for about 45 minutes. I made it to the Fascination pavilion just in time to ride it out. This is what my Skooter looks like when it's bearing down on its next victim! And they were pretty amazing! Just look at all those Lusse Auto Skooters! I stuck to the "best bumper cars in America" instead. No way was I riding this thing right after three pierogies and three tri-taters! Paper goes here! Honestly, as an amusement park history buff, it was pretty fun to see a working vintage trash sucker. During lunch I got to see Kozmo and the Kozmo Dancers (really) sing selections from Disney's "High School Musical." It was every bit as thrilling as it sounds. The pierogies were great! The tri-taters... well, I could have gotten something comparable at Arby's across the street from my office. Tri-taters=fail. After the shooting gallery, I was ready for lunch. My friend Angela, who used to work at Knoebels, told me if I didn't try the pierogies and tri-taters, she would never speak to me again. So I figured I'd better give them a taste. Unfortunately, I was at the park by myself, so I couldn't ride the Looper. And just what makes it so awesome, you ask? Well, those are real 1930s-style metal targets, and you shoot at them with BB machine guns! Right next door is the world's most awesome shooting gallery. Our Doom Buggy awaits. "Warning to seizure sufferers: Don't ride this ride, or we'll have to carry you out in this." And some not-so-subtle ones, as well. However, they do give you some subtle clues along the way what to expect inside. From the outside it looks so innocent.... Another Knoebels classic. OK, is there anyone here who doesn't know the insanity that is the Knoebels Flyer? Seriously, I thought I was going to DIE on this thing! You don't even have to TRY to snap it! Guess who. But that hasn't kept Knoebels from putting it on their menu! The Energizer Bunny is foreman of construction. It just keeps going and going and going.... Knoebels has one other coaster, too. Sort of. Perhaps you've heard of it. It's called Flying Turns. It opens in 2009. Or 2010. Or 2011. Or 2012. And down. With insane amounts of airtime! Going up! Phoneix go in the hole! If ACE says it's good, it's gotta be, right? Of course, Twister's not really the coaster that springs to mind when someone says "Knoebels," now is it? Twister! After that afternoon's major storm, they couldn't decide whether they were running one train or two, so the put both signs up (for the record, they were running only one). ...and No. 2. Nerd shot No. 1... This is so you don't accidentally associate the coaster with a bad Bill Paxton movie. While I've never been to Holiday World, this part of Twister reminds me a lot of pictures I've seen of The Voyage. Come to think of it, this also is how it looks today. And this is how it looks today. This is what Twister looked like under construction in 1998. And this is how it looks today. The museum also included LOTS of old park pictures, including this one of the High Speed Thrill Coaster. Do as the sign says and no one gets hurt.... Aaaay! And this was the clock from the park's skating rink. This bus came from an old German carousel that once operated at the park. This fortune telling machine greeted visitors at the museum's entrance. It was installed at Playland for 35 years, from 1950 to 1985, until the fortune cards finally ran out. But the mining museum did lead to the entrance of the Knoebels Museum, and that was all kinds of fun! And mining train cars wrapped in tape that said "Caution"... which apparently is Pennsylvanian for "Hey kids, come climb on me!" Other exhibits included an array of mining equipment laid out flea market style... ...dinosaurs! While gathering coal, miners are always on the lookout for the No. 1 cause of mine deaths in Pennsylvania... Welcome to Knoebels. Here's a display of mining helmets. Bring the kids! Donkeys! The Anthracite Mine Museum! They even had a whole carousel museum! The best part was that it contained animals from two Maryland carousels I've previously studied. Unfortunately, signs posted warned that photography should be for personal use only, not commercial. And since I'm not sure whether the folks at Knoebels would consider TPR a commercial enterprise, and I don't want to get anyone in trouble (least of all myself), we'll just skip right on over to... Unfortunately, you weren't allowed to keep the rings. But the thing that makes Knoebels' carousel REALLY awesome is that it's one of the few left in the United States with an operational ring machine! I never had a chance at the brass ring, but I got plenty of non-brass ones. Knoebels even put its old non-functioning band organs and music machines on display for discriminating historic amusement park connoisseurs like myself. Om pa pa... Everything about this carousel is awesome, including the flat artwork. But let's move on to the rides, shall we? Like the historic 1941 carousel. This is a random caboose. Why is it here? No one knows! It's all part of the randomness that makes Knoebels so awesome. See? This is Kozmo. He's pretty much everywhere they have a flat surface or spare patch of ground in the park. In case you didn't read the topic on the forum page or the description above, all the photos you're about to see were taken here.

Thanks, Michael. The Boggy Bayou Mullet Festival sounds like it would be right up my alley!

While millions of people throughout the United States spent Labor Day weekend at the beach (or whatever it is people who don't live near beaches do on Labor Day weekend), I returned to my hometown of Crisfield, Maryland, as I do every year, for the biggest and best celebration of the entire year: the 61st annual National Hard Crab Derby. For those who are unfamiliar (which I presume would be most of you), the National Hard Crab Derby is an annual festival and town-wide homecoming centering on a 400-crab race. Don't worry if that doesn't make much sense yet; the pictures tell the story. So here they are. Step 6: The three winners of each heat are placed into this basket and re-released during the final heat. The crab that wins that heat wins the derby, and its sponsor receives a genuine plastic gold trophy. The losing crabs are enjoyed later that evening alongside heaping helpings of Old Bay and vinegar at the American Legion hall. TPR readers of a certain age (I'm looking at you, Jeff Johnson) may recall the Crab Derby from The Mike Douglas Show, on which it was featured several times in the 1970s. More recently, the derby has been shown on the Travel Channel, Food Network and "The Late Show" with David Letterman. A crew from the Discovery Channel was on hand this year. Other annual events, for which I was not/will not be present, include crab picking and cooking contests, jug boat races, an arm wrestling contest, a 10K race, a youth swim meet, a Sunday morning religious service, a boat docking contest, fireworks and plenty of live music, including a Journey cover band this year. Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into the biggest and best celebration Crisfield has to offer. Step 5.1: Each crab is hand-numbered in advance so they know who sponsored the three winners from each race when they reach the bottom of the track. Step 5: The first three crabs to reach the bottom of the track are the winners. Step 4: Following a countdown from Miss, Little Miss or Little Mr. Crustacean, a Crisfield Police officer fires a starting pistol and the starting gates are opened. Step 3: The Crisfield Volunteer Fire Department also sprays down the audience. Because Crab Derby is always held on the hottest weekend of the year. And it's cheaper than putting an awning over the grandstands. Step 2: The Crisfield Volunteer Fire Department sprays down the specially made track (called Crab Cake Track) to make sure the surface is slick enough for this year's racing crustaceans (for those who didn't look up what "crustacean" meant earlier in the TR, now you know). The first race run each year is the annual Governor's Cup. Each state sponsors a crab, and the winning state gets a plaque. TPR readers from Arkansas, rejoice! Your crab won this year! From there, it's on to the real crab races, run in nine heats. Step 1: American Legion members line the crabs up at the starting gate. Some people are REALLY into this. OK, time for the main event. This board represents the 400 people who got up at the crack of dawn and stood in line to pay $4 to sponsor and name a crab to compete in the big crab race. Crabs are provided by the local American Legion, which uses the event as a fundraiser. This ride looks merry. And it goes 'round. Scat. Tee hee hee. What's green and white and less painful all over? What's green and white and painful all over? They had a few kiddie flats. OK, pop quiz: Where have you seen this before? I'll give you a hint: It's at the very top left of this page. At night. They call this a "fun house." I can think of at least two things wrong with that nomenclature. Spin the Apple and Berry-Go-Round... two rides in one! This would be the "bonus credit" mentioned in the headline. Super slide. Bumper cars. Behold: the Scrambler. Just kidding. I know the section you've been waiting for is... the carnival! (I hesitate to call this a "ghetto fair" because it's about 10,000 times classier than the carnival we used to get.) Now for the section you've all been waiting for... the annual Crisfield Lions Club car raffle! Did I mention the festival was all about crabs? The Ocean City, Maryland, Pipe Band lent a Scottish flair to the event. This was the Crisfield Area Chamber of Commerce's entry, featuring the world's largest crab pot (a big wire cage used to catch crabs) and contestants from this year's Little Miss and Mr. Crustacean pageant. World's oldest majorettes. As did Miss and Little Miss Mt. Vernon Volunteer Fire Department, in the department's fire boat. Local drag racing celebrity Sterling Clough made an appearance. Frederick, Maryland, Independent Hose Co. No. 1 and its 1800s horse-drawn hose truck has been a staple of the parade for 51 of its 59 years (the parade didn't begin until 1950, two years after the first National Hard Crab Derby in 1948). And the Shriners. Followed by the Tall Clowns. We've now come to the clown portion of this TR. Leading the way: Biscuit the Clown. Yes, the local beauty queen's title is "Miss Crustacean." Those who know what "crustacean" means will find that hilarious. Those who don't will look it up. The Crisfield High School Marching Band was out in full force. I hesitate to publicly admit how long it's been since I was a member.... This was one of several boats participating in the annual Crab Derby skiff races. Unfortunately, I didn't make it down to the docks in time to see them, but it's always a great contest. All boats that enter are reproductions of a locally designed 1922 crabbing skiff used by many watermen on the Chesapeake Bay into the early 1950s. The local fire department led the parade. This year's grand marshal was I.T. Todd, owner of MeTompkin Bay Oyster Co. and the town's last surviving link to its seafood packing dynasty of the first half of the 20th century. Here's the back half of the float in action during the parade. Note the confetti. These used to be the knights. So you're probably wondering why the fort looks like a castle. Well, when production originally started, the idea was to have the pirate ship attacking a castle with knights. Then someone realized that pirates and the Renaissance... yeah, two entirely different time periods. But by then the castle was built, so they just pretended it was a fort. They named the ship after the prison's warden. The wheelhouse and bubble machine. Though why exactly they needed a bubble machine on a pirate ship is beyond me. Arrrr! A pair of eyes (each pair slightly different) peered out from the gun ports. And the homemade cannons actually fired confetti! Though I'm not 100 percent sure teaching inmates how to make cannons of any kind is actually a good thing.... Even the worms on the ends of the fishing hooks had their own personalities. The detail they put into each float is amazing. Then again, it's not like they have much else to do.... The mouth of the dragon masthead opened, closed and blew smoke. This year's inmate float theme was a pirate ship attacking a fort. It went down the parade route with "Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life for Me" blaring from the speakers. Those who have read some of my past "Random, Random, Random" TRs may remember that the largest employer in my home county is the local state prison and that several years ago my father (who works there) founded what is believed to be the only inmate rehabilitation program in the United States centering on parade float design and construction (a display of their past works was exhibited at the National Parade Float Hall of Fame earlier this year). I got up early Saturday morning to document the on-site assembly of their entry in this year's Crab Derby Main Street Parade. This being a Crab Derby (the town itself is known as the "Seafood Capital of the World"), crabs were pretty much everywhere. That's better! Or... maybe not. Why so serious? For those who went with us on the Behemoth/Flyer trip, no, this isn't metric skee-ball. Hey Tyler, does this look familiar? I found the Big Mike game! Anyone who leans is fed to the orange snake dragon. Giant cross-eyed frog... not so much. I contemplated actually plunking down $3 to try to win this game. Seriously, can you imagine what a faux tiger-skin rug in my apartment would do for my lovelife? I took pictures of the rides all lit up last year, so this year I moved on to the games. (Don't worry; ride photos are further down.) The "big show" of the evening was Crisfield Idol... which is exactly what it sounds like: bad small-town karaoke on a big small-town scale. The bacon-cheddar-ranch curly fries were awesome! There was about an inch of pure grease left in the bottom of the plate when they were all gone. My arteries may no longer work, but it was totally worth it! This is what the Maryland crab melt pita looks like. Er, what half of one looks like. And while we're being totally honest, this is what the second half of my sister's looks like, as I forgot to take a picture of mine before I ate it. First stop: food! Here are your 2008 National Hard Crab Derby admission rates as of Friday night.

Wow, an official front-page TPR trip update from a trip I wasn't on? I haven't seen that in like a month! Can't wait for the China trip to really ramp up. The TRs from last year's Japan trip were what made me want to do a TPR trip in the first place. EDIT: I'm sad now that I realize it's been nearly a month since I've been on a TPR trip.

This caption is now Natatomic-approved.

That could be a thread all by itself--the first time Natalie made each of us feel old. Like when I told her I got the first season of "CHiPs" on DVD for Christmas and she had no idea what it was. Then after I spent a good five minutes explaining the concept and how cool it was, she was all like, "Oh, so that show came on like a decade before I was born?" I'm going to go see if my Ensure is properly chilled yet.

King Cake is awesome! Back when I worked in newspapers, I had one shipped to our office during Mardi Gras as a morale booster. Didn't get the baby, though; that honor went to our 80-something-year-old office manager. And now she's dead (but not because she choked on the baby or anything like that). I also had a piece at Blaine Kern's Mardi Gras World during my trip to New Orleans earlier this summer. Again I didn't get the baby, but later that night I washed it down with a few Hurricanes at Pat O'Brien's, so I wasn't too worried about it (or anything else after those Hurricanes).

Um, NO! See, this is the kind of thing you needed to tell us BEFORE we went. That would have been a trip highlight for me!

^Love Mayor McCheese with the Batmobile in the background! Guess this means you made it home safely from the Maryland/Delaware/New Jersey leg of your trip. Can't wait until the Midwest TR series is over so we can get to the good stuff!

For your information, I rode it 22 times during ERT! But who's counting?

Actually, there was. It was just in a very primitive form and only used by academics. Well, yes, I know the Internet has existed in some way since the late '60s... but my point was, we couldn't order clothing from our computers. We actually had to put a stamp on an envelope and mail the orders to the catalog stores. And believe it or not, we also had a rotary telephone in our home. By cracky!

At the paper I used to work for, the classifieds were outsourced and never, ever ran correctly. My favorite was the time they listed an ad for a portable hunting toilet under "Reducing Equipment."

Oooh! Natalie and Alabama sittin' in a tree!

I was just thinking the same thing! Jason *hearts* Ravine Flyer II