printersdevil78

As promised, here's the thrilling conclusion! And then we went home. But you don't want to see pictures of that. So instead I'll leave you with a photo of Jolly Roger at the Pier lit up at dusk. Hope you enjoyed! After Ripley's, we promised Lauryn she could play on the beach briefly while I bought some Candy Kitchen fudge to take to my mom for her birthday two days later. Obligatory post-museum photo op. So long, Mr. Ripley! You sure were talented. ...and finally, a ball of string inspired by an "Uncle Scrooge" comic book. ...guitar made from a toilet seat... ...Tibetan coffee urn made from someone's skull (what is it with making food serving devices out of dead people?)... ...petrified dinosaur eggs... Just a few more odds and ends to round out our tour: West African tribal coffin (not to be confused with an East African tribal coffin)... "In spite of the added weight, the car is still drivable!" If you aren't sure what this is, read the placard below. If you already know what this is, read it anyway. Hi, Dave! Eaten at any good restaurants lately? Sometimes, a picture just speaks for itself. Is it just me, or does this look like something Skeletor would have used in the old "Masters of the Universe" cartoons? This is what it would have looked like if the movie had been called "Eating Nemo" instead. Cosmonaut! Geeky trivia. This is how it was built. In case you want to try it at home. Apparently no one told these riders it was SBNO. The Minnesota Avalanche is the world's largest working model wooden roller coaster. There used to be a button you could push to start the lift chain and watch the cars cycle. Unfortunately, as of last weekend, either the button was broken or the coaster was. Credit! Looks like someone got a little too close to Ozzy.... How is this cow like a flower? It's got two-lips! Er... four lips. But four-lips doesn't sound like a flower. Yeah, I got nothin'. "I'll see your two tails and raise you five legs." This look totally locks! What they failed to mention is that he was on vacation at Rye Playland all 22 times. "Where's Tom Hanks? I could have sworn he was here a minute ago." Who's your daddy? It may look like a wax figure of the world's fattest woman, but it's really a wax figure of the world's fattest man. Believe it... or not! You mean we haven't even seen the "odd" stuff yet? ...and even Pringles! ...toast... If the Ripley's museum taught us anything, it was that pretty much anything can be used as a canvas. Like a petrified vampire bat... Whoever created these models played with a LOT of matches! That's what they're made of. Ever wonder what $1 million one-dollar bills looked like? Well, if you shred them and mold them into the shape of a stegosaurus, they look kind of like this. "Nope. Both of mine are present and accounted for!" "Um, excuse me, Lauryn? Did you leave this here?" Idiot in the stockade? Check! Magician's restraint built and used by Houdini? Check! Medieval gibbon? Check! Man trap used for catching poachers? Ironic check! "Crucible"-era witch catcher? Check! Those "Twilight" kids could so use one of these. Where's the stretching room? Bowl made from the skull of a monk? Check! His name was Ned. Now he's shrunken Ned. This guy sure looks horny! (Actually, it's a mask made from human skin....) In the next room, Robert Ripley himself welcomed us to his "museum" via the magic of Pepper's ghost. POW currency or oversized foreign postage stamps? You decide! "Play 'Children of the Damned!'" I took an ex-girlfriend of mine here a few years ago who played viola. She said the fingerings on this dummy were accurate. Know what else? I still don't care! Holy crap! I should have wished for a billion dollars instead! I wish I could see a raptor skeleton tinted pink under dim red lights. How to say "Why did we pay to get into this crappy tourist trap?" in a bunch of different languages. This guy's been shinnying up and down this pole for years. He totally pees in his suit to keep warm. Where's all that water coming from? Across the boardwalk was our final destination: Ripley's Believe it or Not! I've been in this one a couple times, but neither my girlfriend nor Lauryn had, and since we had a coupon that got all three of us in for the price of one ($13)... well, how could we not take advantage? I, on the other hand, opted for a Ceasar salad since I've been trying to lose weight for our vacation that starts this weekend. It's been working, too; I'm down eight pounds in just under two weeks. My girlfriend got the Chesapeake burger, which in most places is a cheeseburger with crab imperial on top. Here, it was a cheeseburger with two mini "crabcakes" (I'm not entirely convinced that was crab) on top. "Give me food... now!" ...and added this funky print by the bathrooms! Next up: food! This place burned down just before the start of the 2008 season. They rebuilt it for this year... Before we left, we had to play the classic 1930s'-'40s claw machines, as well. Fortunately, you can still do this here, too. I didn't even include all the deer hunting video games! It's sad; until a couple years ago Trimper's had two full rows of pinball machines and another couple rows of classic arcade games (Space Invaders, Ms. Pac-Man, Centipede, Frogger, Tron, etc.). Now they've taken out one row of pinball and nearly all the classic machines (save two Ms. Pac-Mans) in favor of glorified ticket dispensers. I guess that's the instant gratification kids these days crave. Back in my day, we were happy if we just got to put our initials in a game after getting a high score. By cracky! ...and even sink the "Titanic"! ...whack a shark with a mallet... You can punch a clown in the nose... This game, on the other hand, she was great at! Basically, the idea was to hit the button to make the lizard's tongue lash out to "eat" (or at least knock over) the bugs as they passed by, shooting gallery-style. If that sounds a little grotesque... well take a look at some of the other stuff they have: Poor Lauryn couldn't get the ball all the way up the incline without help. Maybe next year.... I've included Marty's Playland (also owned by the Trimper family) in a couple other TRs, so this time I'll just hit the highlights, like these 1930s-'40s skee ball machines. Also, I'll be posting full photo documentation of their 2009 pinball games in the Pinball Thread on the Random, Random, Random board, so keep an eye out for it. More games! Of the coin-op variety. At any rate, the first person to shoot enough water into Gilly's (or his friends') mouth to pop the balloon inflating on top of his head wins a money bear. Oh. My. God. Anyone who read my Hebron Carnival post will understand--this is the second thing like this I've seen in an amusement setting in three weeks! I didn't think stuff like this was supposed to exist in the 21st century. When I was a kid, this one was themed to Sylvester and Tweety. Now it's "Sesame Street." Several games, some of them fairly old, are immediate adjacent to Trimper's and The Haunted House.

Awesome, awesome, awesome!

It is in Copenhagen!

This weekend my girlfriend and I took her daughter, Lauryn, to Trimper Rides and Amusements in Ocean City, MD, for one last Saturday together before Lauryn goes to Indiana to be with her father for most of the rest of the summer. While this was their inaugural trip to the 116-year-old amusement park, I've been going at least twice a summer since I was 3 (probably before). Unfortunately, talk has been building in recent years of the Trimper family's selling the park to be demolished for condos. Only the promise of a state tax break and the insistence of patriarch Granville Trimper spared the park during the 2007 season. Following Mr. Trimper's death last year, it's hard to say how many seasons this place has left. In 2004, with the park management's written permission, I took a photo survey of its most historic rides for a book that was published the next year. I got a lot of nasty looks from parents who thought the man with the camera taking photos from strange angles may have been doing things he wasn't supposed to with their children's images (needless to say, the book didn't feature any patrons' images from whom I didn't have prior permission). With Lauryn in tow, however, I had an excuse this weekend to take pictures of pretty much every ride at the park. So I did. This TR represents the most extensive survey of attractions at Trimper's in the 21st century that I'm aware of. Hopefully there will be plenty of years for new additions in the future... though if I wanted to get the credits at this park, I'd get there sooner rather than later. The Hampton motorcycles are Lauryn's favorite ride; just about every fair that comes through here has them. I always "forbid" her from doing wheelies (which the ride automatically does), and she gets a kick (probably too much so) out of defying me. I've mentioned this in past TRs, but this ticket booth was in rough shape when Trimper's acquired it. They renovated it, including re-molding pieces that had fallen off (like the angel's head on top)... and it's just for decoration. It serves no purpose, no function. They just did it because it seemed like the right thing to do. We need more parks like that. The ride was built in the 1940s, back when they even decorated the trim on the running boards with ornate characters and designs. I've been going to Trimper's since the early '80s, and this was the first time I'd noticed this. I guess the Popeye theme makes more sense considering they revolve around a lighthouse. Lauryn really enjoyed the hilly boat ride, currently themed to Popeye, but formerly painted as battleships. Steering wheels for all! ...and a cartoon mural on the history of ships. Across from the whip, a 1950s kiddie boat ride passes a shanty town... Comin' 'round! Another oldie-but-goodie: the Fairy Whip. Admission to Trimper's is free, and so are the park's fun house mirrors. Though she was almost too big for it, Lauryn preferred the adjacent 1920s kiddie carousel. Band organs like this (though not always this specific one) have provided music for the carousel throughout the years. There isn't a single thing on this carousel that's not ornate, right down to the ride manufacturer's seal. This is Trimper's most famous item, an original 1902 hand-carved carousel. It's been in continuous operation at Trimper's since its construction by the Herschell-Spillman Co. and was only the second carousel made by that company. The first burned in a fire at Coney Island in the '50s, making this the oldest existing example of that company's work. It's also one of the largest carousels currently operating in the United States (and probably the world), hence the lack of a more comprehsnive picture. She enjoyed the Snoopy airplanes, though I was quite disappointed to find out they had disconnected the gun triggers. They used to make a great electronic "eh-eh-eh" noise that no gun should ever make. I miss it The fire engines were much easier to figure out! Unfortunately, she really wasn't sure what to do once she got in there. This was pretty much where she stayed the entire ride cycle. Lauryn measured up for the kiddie bumper cars (they have them for adults, as well). The shooting gallery itself is sort of a saloon that fades into mountain stream that fades into an old cabin. Trimper's keeps its most historic rides inside and away from the weather. This entrance (one of four altogether) also happens to be the main entrance for the park's shooting gallery. You know, Sterling Marlin looks a lot different up close.... The Speedway was a NASCAR-themed kiddie whip. "I wish I had a turntable like my cousin in Astroland did before he died." I got this credit during Big Mike's visit last year. He christened Ocean City the "Wacky Worm Capital of the World." This is one of three within a five-mile radius. Lauryn took the opportunity to practice her "innocent" look. For some strange reason, this spaceship ride was named Combat. Lauryn concurs. The Baja Buggy seemed pretty popular the day we were there. ...and a ferris wheel. The only "adult" rides on this side of the street are the Freak Out... The dogs look like Blue from Blue's Clues, and the decor includes mis-named images of characters from "Lady and the Tramp" and "101 Dalmatians." Clearly, this ride is carrying on Trimper's long tradition of copyright infringement (again, see related previous TR). A few more outdoor rides sit across the street from Trimper's main campus. Most of these, including this flying dog ride, came from Trimper's Buckaroo Park, a failed enterprise added to longtime West Ocean City theme park Frontier Town for the 2005-2007 seasons. The train, being fun. Trains are always fun! Now that we've tried a fast ride, time to slow things down a bit. This, I believe, is the only ticket sign at Trimper's themed to its own ride. Whee! Fortunately, Lauryn meets that requirement. For anyone who remembers her experience on the Roller Coaster at the Hebron Firemen's Carnival a few weeks ago (see related TR), apparently the Sooper Jet has cured her of her fear of kiddie coasters (yay!). And here we have another credit--but don't even think about getting it unless you're a kid. Wipeout! Hopefully my meager efforts will suffice. Not like we don't all know what this type of coaster looks like anyway. Unfortunately, things are stacked on top of each other so much at the park (reminds me of things I've read about Indiana and Blackpool Pleasure beaches) that it's really hard to get a comprehensive shot. It's your average Vekoma boomerang. But enough teasing. Time for the park's major credit, the Tidal Wave. This is what a blow-up doll looks like on skis! The Himalaya was himalaying. No intoxication in the fun house! Speaking of fun houses, Aladin's Lamp has been a tradition at Trimper's for decades. Unfortunately, this is the best shot I could get of it with everything that's currently crammed into the park. Double unfortunately, despite previous requests on this board for interior shots, we didn't go inside because Lauryn didn't meet the height requirement. (See previous TRs for exterior highlights.) The Pirate Ship is also new. It's one of those collapsible fun houses (albeit an elaborate one) that ends with a sliding board. Teacup credit! At some point in the past few years, the park went on a Zamperla kiddie spree. Merry Mixer! Which is kind of like a Scrambler. Only slower (at least this one is). Yeah, she loved it. And as one of the park's newest additions, it's one of the few rides here I didn't get to enjoy when I was her age. You know the economy's bad when even Chester Cheetah has to take a side job.... Lauryn's first ride of the day was the Flying Tigers. ...but what it lacks in smoothness it makes up for in promiscuous decor! Trimper's Toboggan is just as rough at the end as all the others... First credit inside the gate! No, we're not at Waldameer. Trimper's Pirates Cove (circa 1970) and Waldameer's are two of the only three walk-through Bill Tracy fun houses left in the United States. Despite their similar names, they're both dramatically different inside and out. Your 2009 ticket prices. We opted for the POP bracelet, which was $22 and good until 7 p.m. First stop: tickets. Always a good sign! Trimpers' location captures patrons both coming and going. This is the "back" entrance, off the boardwalk. It's kind of like Astroland without the "Ass." Looks like we're headed in the right direction! That's it for part one! Be sure to follow Lauryn down the boardwalk for more fun in part two. My schedule is hectic this week as I prepare for our big Midwest park trip that starts at the end of this week, but I promise to finish this TR before we leave. Thanks for reading! ...and The Haunted House, another Bill Tracy masterpiece owned and operated by Trimper's, but not part of the park. The building in which it's housed, two doors down from the park, was once a movie theater until Mr. Trimper had it renovated in the early '60s during his first collaboration with Bill Tracy. In the 1980s he added props from the defunct Tracy Ghost Ship ride at Ocean City's closed Ocean Playland amusement park, turning it into a two-story dark ride. It is routinely named one of the best and most well-maintained traditional dark rides in the United States. (Again, I've taken close-up detail photos of the ride's exterior in previous TRs, so do a search if you're interested.) What you haven't seen yet, however, is Mr. Trimper's "Golden Pretzel," Laff in the Dark's prestigious lifetime achievement and preservation award, presented to him five years prior to his death for his dedication to preserving Pirates Cove... And finally, on the way out, we have the Mirror Maze. That's it: you've just witnessed every single ride currently available at Trimper's. But after the Frog Hopper, Lauryn was up for anything... and this time she loved them. That's not a scream of terror on her face, by the way... that's her counting down from 10 like the ride op for the Frog Hopper did right before "liftoff" on every cycle. The balloon ride was her last for the day, but had it not been, I'm pretty sure she would have given every other ride she rode its own personal countdown. We weren't too sure about trying the "scary balloons." We had a pretty bad experience with these at a local festival a few weeks ago. ...but by her fourth ride, I think her love for these attractions may rival KidTums'! It had the best ride op ever. He had a microphone, and he really made it extra fun. Ah, but then came the Frog Hopper. Lauryn wasn't too sure about this one at first... When I look at this picture, I like to pretend that Lauryn is Indiana Jones and the other kid is a Nazi. It quickly became another of Lauryn's favorites. Coincidentally, it was my sister's favorite when she was a kid, as well. It's another one of those collapisble fun houses with a big slide at the end... only this one hasn't collapsed in about a quarter century. ...but it didn't begin to compare with the adjacent Raiders attraction (Indiana Jones, not Oakland). The Rockin' Tug was OK... Back in the park's main section, Lauryn really loved the bumper boats. We watched her ride them several times. ...and Inverter. ...Tilt-A-Whirl (I liked the original red-and-blue-with-clowns paint job better)... ...Avalanche... Also on this pad we have the Zipper... Back outside and across the street (no, not the same one from before; this is another street) is the Matterhorn. Rumor has it this ride is going away after this year (OK, after the past 40 years) because its safety bars weren't designed to latch. It wouldn't be grandfathered in under some new amusement safety legislation, and it would cost too much to retrofit. We'll find out next year whether the rumor is true (I hope it's not). Kiddie ferris wheels from the 1920s are always fun! Well, if Popeye says so.... And now we return to our regularly scheduled snowmobile. We take a time out for a moment from the Hampton vehicle rides to point out that part of the 1986 film "Violets are Blue," starring Sissy Spacek and Kevin Kline, was filmed at Trimper's. (Pardon the reflection of the lights; this photo hangs inside a display case behind one of the Hampton rides.) ...and a Corvette. Also featured with this particular set of vehicles was a Ford Mustang... She enjoyed it so much, she even found another set of Hampton motorcycles to ride on another attraction. Unfortunately, these didn't do wheelies.

Great pics, Big Mike! Scandi was my first-choice TPR trip this year, but I couldn't make it work out funding-wise, so I'll have to live it vicariously through you and everyone else. This looks like a promo shot for a bad ABC comedy.

^That was awesome! I headed to Ocean City, MD, last weekend with my girlfriend and her daughter to take in some rides, and we made our way to Marty's Playland arcade. Marty's used to have two full rows of pinball machines and a row of classic arcade games, as well, but now they've removed all but one row of pinball in favor of the ticket redemption games kids seem to enjoy so much these days. Here, for your viewing pleasure, is a quick tour of Marty's pinball machines, summer 2009 edition. Enjoy! I got the replay on this one. Hard to believe pinball costs 75 cents a game on the newer machines. I like this one much better than the old "Indiana Jones" machine. Oldie but goodie. Next to it is a 1950s western target shooting game. This table, on the other hand, sucks. This was a fun table. I wish I'd had more time to play it and figure out all the levels.

Having visited last August, I can honestly say the park is a lot better now than it was then, despite the slightly damaged signage in some areas. The ride ops both this year and last were pretty good. I experienced more lethargic ops and other employees at Kings Dominion last year than at SFA this year or last. When we got our cone of cinnamon-roasted pecans, the vendor gave us the wrong kind (cashews), which we didn't know until we walked away and opened it. I took it back, and there was no problem making the exhange; the vendor was very friendly. That extended to the coasters, as well.

In preparation for our Midwest trip starting late next week, my girlfriend Kelly and I made the two-and-a-half-hour trip to Six Flags America to validate our 2009 season passes (Kentucky Kingdom and Great America, here we come!). Kelly grew up not far from SFA, but hadn't been in about a decade. She (and I, based on my observations last year) was amazed how nice the park was. Her first words in the park: "I feel almost... safe!" Anyway, we had a great time riding rides, emptying our respective savings accounts on lunch and watching the best horrible stage show in theme park history. Enjoy! After the monstrosity that was "Freedom," we decided to clense our ears by taking in a performance by Billy Hill and the Hillbilles. OMG, was this thing bad! It was like they mashed together a bunch of random songs they could get the rights to and added patriotic lighting and a five-minute slideshow of people saying "The United States of America" over and over (really). On the plus side, at least the Osmonds' choreographer is still getting work! After the show, the performers stood by the exits and waved goodbye to everyone. I couldn't even look them in the eye... and not just because they told me to "Have a Six Flags Day!" What does that even mean? My two-second review: It was air conditioned. We were waiting for the 3:30 show... but we didn't know which time to believe! ...and "Freedom: A Musical Tribute." There, we saw two things we had never seen before: a coin-operated cell phone charger... After lunch we decided to cool off with a show in the Grand Theatre. This was the most exciting thing I saw all day! No, not Mr. Six... Porky Pig's butt! Now you can honestly say you've seen a picture of Marvin the Martian doing the Macarena. I say, I say, that there's Kelly with Foghorn Leghorn. Come to think of it, the tenders we split for lunch must have come from a pretty famous chicken, too. For four of them, fries, two drinks and a small bag of cinnamon-roasted pecans we paid $22! By the way, did I mention this place has Looney Toons? Apparently stuffed snakes were the hot item of the day! Well isn't that just funderful? The cynic in me wants to believe Jeff Johnson would count this as a credit. So I will let the cynic have his way. If they put this on a shirt, Tyler would so buy it. And suddenly it feels like we're in Six Flags Over Texas.... ...and Mind Eraser. ...Renegade Rapids (which wasn't operating that day--sorry, Michael)... ...Sonora Speedway (upcharge!)... ...Skull Mountain... ...Rodeo... ...Tower of Doom... ...Falling Star... ...defunct water slides... ...Around the World in 80 Days... ...The Octopus... Other rides in the park (that we didn't ride) included Pirate's Flight (because pirates are well known for their flying abilities, apparently)... Five flags, less fun? When it was all over, I caught her (in the purple) making eyes at the creepy-looking guy next to her. Good thing I'm not the jealous type! As the day got hotter, Kelly decided to take a ride on Shipwreck Falls. Being Dan-like in my dislike of water, I stayed behind and took photos. Speaking of signs this one has replaced the "My family comes here too" slogan used on all the trash cans and T-shirts last year. "I enjoy laughing at your pain, Ba Wing riders! Wak wak wak!" I was bored while Kelly was waiting to ride, so I busied myself by taking pictures of every sign in the cue. Now you get to see them, too. The sign actually bears very little resemblance to the real thing. ...and Batmobile. Bat-vehicles that are not similar in name to coasters at SFA include the Batcycle... This is the Ba Wing's station, where Kelly went to wait in line while I stayed behind. Because rides like the Ba Wing make me throw up. This, on the other hand, is the Ba Wing. It's a roller coaster. And these are the schematics of the Batwing. For those who need a primer, this is the Batwing, Batman's plane. Batwing was right next door. ...or should I say "Aily Panet" Gifts? The ride exited through Daily Planet Gifts... "We're done with the seatbelt check. You can put your arms down now." Going up (up and away)! See that big red "S"? That's how you know you're in SFA and not Darien Lake. No Bizarro here! Superman: champion of truth, justice and $30 T-shirts. Which is the exact opposite of "Terminator: Ride of Wood." Alpine Bobs is now The Avalanche. For those keeping track. "Easy on the nose as long as it's froze!" Jahan, we miss you! Fun fact: That's also what your intestines look like after you ride it. Why so serious? Who knew the entrance to Gotham City was through a roller coaster? OMG! OMG! Backstage! OMG! This is the park's other train. Her name is Beatrice. For $5, she'll do things Sir Topham Hat never dreamed of. "The Disneyland and Santa Fe Railroad now boarding for a grand circle tour of Walt Disney's--" Oops, wrong park. The train, on the other hand, didn't look like Thomas at all. It looked more like a Ralph. Is it just me, or does the Capital Railways logo look like Thomas the Tank Engine with his face whited out and a Six Flags logo pasted in its place? Turns out it wasn't a cyclone at all; it was a Scrambler. Following Wild One, we took a ride on the Cyclone. A few Wild One facts. Because you know you were curious. Take the tunnel! The turnaround, for those of you who swing that way. Based on this shot, you'd think the coaster was located at some traditional park in scenic Pennsylvania... instead of just down the street from the murder capital of the United States. Told you so! See the red cars on top? The next time you see them, they'll be back in the station. ...which may or may not have been renamed the Nougatizer. Next up: Wild One... Roar allowed me to "flyyyyy innntooo the danger zone!" Twisty coaster... with Coke! Someone apparently told the girl on the left this was a Vekoma. First coaster of the '09 season: Roar. The "Spirit of '76" features three brave men who fought for our country's freedom. Later, Porky Pig would dance in front of them. Why do parks have such a fascination with the Liberty Bell? You'll find representations at Kings Dominion and Idlewild (theirs is on a plaque), as well. SFA positioned theirs outside the men's room. And sure enough, there were flags! Six of them! AKA Six Flags D.C. Yep, that's SFA all right! Note the trim pulling loose beneath the second "A" in America. By the time the show was over, our free babysitting services had just about ended, so we had to go pick up Kelly's daughter (whom we opted not to bring due to past park experiences) from her friend's house and start our journey home. Goodbye, Six Flags America! Thank you for being less scary than either of us remembered! Kelly even made a new friend. Fortunately, they were better at singing country than the collection of minor hits of the '80s and '90s that populated the Grand stage. Plus there was table dancing! But instead we got "Rockin' the Country." And it was the same kids from "Freedom!" It was like they were following us!

This seems like a cool little park. Nice job!

Not to be a downer or anything, but I see no flags at Mr. Ivers' residence. Does no flags equal no fun? Yeah, it's been said before: This TR was amazing!

^^Why, did they drain the sub lagoon at Disneyland?

Strongly second (or third) these two.

^You know, I think I might already have some of those that I took to help illustrate a book I wrote back in 2004 (though they didn't make it in for space reasons). I gave all those photos to my dad (pre-digital) for his local history archives. I'll have to look for them next time I'm at his house. If you're looking for good quality pictures of the Haunted House interior, there are quite a few over at the DAFE website. There may be some there of Pirates Cove, as well.

Because Trimpers was closed by the time we left Jolly Roger? Don't hassle me, man! I was the only one in the car advocating for Trimpers even after the free tickets! Given that we live just 30 minutes from Ocean City, however, it's not too big a loss....

^Listen, just because you don't like my Hawaiian shirt doesn't mean you have to call it "terrifying."

Normally birthday celebrations are something I would post in the "Random, Random, Random" section, if anywhere, but considering the majority of this birthday celebration took place around theme parks and roller coasters (not donkeys, so much), I figured this would be the most suitable place. No need for a long intro. Just enjoy the photos! "Hey, baby, howsh about a little kish?" Oh. My. God. Lots of clowns. Second non-PC alert! In fact, if you're overly sensitive, you may want to skip the next few photos (or at least keep in mind that the world was a very different place when these rides were manufactured in the '40s and '50s). ...and clowns. The ride also featured cops... Up next: the Santa Claus ride! Lauryn ignored my request to sit in Santa's butt for the photo. Which is surprising considering how obsessed she is, like virtually every other 5-year-old on the planet, with butts. As the Fonz might say, "Aaaay!" ...in favor of something a little milder, like the pony carts. These rides are staples of just about every firemen's carnival on the Eastern Shore of Maryland and Virginia. The horses really "gallop," and each cart has a bell for riders to ring, making it a kiddie favorite for generations. ...and Tilt-A-Whirl... ...Super Slide... After the roller coaster experience, we bypassed the Scrambler... First non-PC alert! The fact that most of the rides date to the '50s or so probably account for the number of Indian chiefs that serve as "theming" on the carousel. Lauryn doesn't care what the floor is made of as long as it goes in circles! Though there are a few newer attractions, most of the carnival's rides date from the 1940s and '50s and are incredibly well kept. The carousel, for example, still has a wooden floor. These airplanes were more Lauryn's speed. And the best part? The ride cycle lasted a full five minutes (no exaggeration)! Overall track layout. The coaster made three circuits per ride. First stop: the roller coaster! Don't be fooled by its small size; this thing reminded me a lot of the late, great High-Speed Thrill Coaster at Knoebels. Notice Lauryn's face in the back car; though it was the first thing she chose to ride, she decided didn't like this contraption at all. Your 2009 prices (we had a 20-percent-off coupon). Founded in 1926, the Hebron Fireman's Carnival is a local tradition, though I had never been until last week (at the end of Lauryn's birthday week). It very much resembles a traditional rural 1920s-'30s amusement park. Thank you for your time. Now you shall be rewarded. ...and playing with Uncle Mark. ...opening presents... ...eating cake... ...blowing out a lighter (because we accidentally left the candles at home)... ...getting tattooed... ...reaping all the benefits that having a pinata implies... ...pulling cords on a pinata ("hitting" pinatas is too violent for today's impressionable young children, apparently)... The next day was Lauryn's party, and if you'll indulge me a few non-park pics, I'll reward you with photos of the most non-PC, "how can they get away with that?" incredibly redneck (but at the same time oddly charming) carnival you've ever seen! Anyway, back to the event at hand, we did all the usual party things, like eating pizza... Sadly, Lauryn has absolutely no clue what "The Flintstones" are, so she totally didn't get my visual joke on the way home. ...thank you, Aunt Ashley, for a wonderful night! No, thank you, Jolly Roger! But most of all... They even "won" basketballs. After the rides portion of our evening ended, we let Lauryn and Charlotte play the water gun game. We normally try to steer the kids away from games at amusement parks since they tend to cost between $3 and $5 each to play, but since Aunt Ashley used her influence to let them play for free, we made an exception. I've included photos of the Looping Star in past TRs, but never one of the sign. Larry, if you need it for the park index, now's your chance! Good thing we were as tall as this guy! Kelly (aforementioned girlfriend) and I tried the Hurricane. It was eventually found guilty of double homicide and sentenced to 40 years in San Quinten. (But seriously, this is an appropriate amusement park prize!?) Oh no! That bear ate Lauryn and Aunt Ashley! The carousel still sports the park's former name, used before Jolly Roger bought it a couple years ago. First up: double-decker carousel. Only the horses didn't go up and down; they rocked (with the rider providing the rocking motion). So would that make it a merry-go-round? Or flying horses? Or a whirligig? Or a roundabout? Or a galloper? Or a spinning Jenny? Or a dip-twister? Or...? Our original intention was to visit Trimper's Rides. But then we found out Charlotte's aunt worked at Jolly Roger at the Pier and was offering up free tickets, so our plans changed quickly! "Don't worry, Lauryn! I'll save you with my gang signals!" "Oh no! Someone save me from this wax pirate!" The girls also enjoyed their (slightly smaller) doughnuts. This one! (Note the quarter in the upper left-hand corner for size comparison.) Because my meal was on special, it came with a free doughnut. Now, which one to choose...? Actually, first it was supper time. I got my favorite: creamed chip beef and homefries. It's doughnut time! What you need to know: Lauryn is my girlfriend's daughter, who turned 5 last weekend (hence the title of this TR). Her friend, Charlotte, came to visit for the festivities, which began at Layton's Dip'n Donuts, an Ocean City, MD, staple since the 1950s. We didn't win, but we had fun anyway, didn't we, Lauryn? That's all, folks! After food, we let Lauryn ride a few more rides, then informed her it was time to go. Following the traditional five-minute we're-leaving-the-amusement-park tantrum, we told her she could do one more thing: ride the roller coaster again or play the cake game. She chose the cake game. OMG, TPR exclusive! On here for the first time ever (with the exception of two group shots last year into which I managed to sneak her, much to her chagrin) is my girlfriend, Kelly! She finally gave me permission to post her photo. See? I'm not just making her up! Lauryn was hungry, too, but she decided to have chocolate ice cream in lieu of soft crabs. I settled instead on a soft crab sandwich. For those who are unfamiliar, let me bring you up to speed: Basically they take a crab at a certain stage in the shell-shedding process, when the shell is nice and soft, dip it in batter, drop it in a deep frier and put a couple of them between two slices of Wonder bread. It's quite tasty! I was the only one who hadn't eaten dinner yet, so I went out to scout the food. I passed on the hot nuts. Look, it's Magnum, P.U.! ...and Sharp Shooter. ...the quarter toss (and yes, that is a foot in the lower left-hand corner)... ...the dime pitch... ...the fishing game... Remember our "no games" policy from before? Well, it went out the window again at the Hebron Carnival, as the games here only cost 10 cents to $1 to play. We started with the frog toss and then continued on with... We didn't partake in the gun raffle next door. The fire department makes approximately 80 percent of its annual operating budget between the bingo and gun raffle. Lauryn was too young to play, according to state gaming law, but she was allowed to "help" as long as an adult was present to yell "Bingo!" if she won. She got the hang of it pretty quickly. The caller sits a top the Pile O' Prizes for which bingo tickets may be accumulated and redeemed. After the rides portion of the evening, we took a break to play bingo, another Eastern Shore firemen's carnival staple dating back to the early 20th century. And yes, that is dried corn being used as bingo chips. The best part: the "seat belts" on the rocket ride were pieces of string! "Did you see that non-PC clown ride over there?"

I'll second what Chris said about Idlewild. The Behemoth-Flyer trip was my third visit there, and it's just been amazing every time. I suspect your mom will enjoy it, as well; mine strongly dislikes theme parks, but she enjoyed it there so much that she actually agreed to a return visit. Be sure not to miss the Caterpillar (supposedly one of only three caterpillar rides left operating in the world) and adult handcars along with the coasters (the Mr. Rogers ride is a trip, too, though I'm not sure I'd do it again). And if you're looking for a real taste sensation and aren't worried about taking a few years off your life, try the fully loaded Potato Patch fries! If your tastes lean toward barbecue, Trappers Smokehouse in BGE is pretty good for park food; I personally like their fried pickle spears. My favorite restaurant there, however, is Festhaus, with its German sausage sampler and Oktoberfest show. I'll also second what others have said about KD's food. It's not very good, and when I went last year the service was horrible. The lines for the "quick serve" restaurants were about 45 minutes because they basically had a single person (sometimes two) running each place, taking orders and cooking food.

^You know, now that you say it that way, I think maybe that's what I was thinking of, not the "Derby Racer"-style of ride. I just remember researching a local park a few years back and finding a 1920s newspaper article that mentioned it had both a carousel and flying horses. I saw a photo from another source that looked like a Derby Racer, but maybe it was the chain-swing horses. Good call!

^Almost, but not quite.... Flying horses are actually different than the others in that they coast back and forth (a good example still remains at Cedar Point) while all the others move up and down or are stationary (Philadelphia-style). But your point is still mostly valid. They're all horses that go in a circle.

I can attest to that. I remember telling someone shortly after I returned from last year's Behemoth/Flyer trip: "That was a first for me; I've never written a $1,000 check to anyone before and then thanked them for taking it."

^Wrong! It's only fun 19-20 hours a day. The other four or five we sleep.

Man, that place looks awesome! Of course, I'm a sucker for gaudy neon newspaper signs (no really). Didn't the Clippers used to play in Jet Stadium? That was a setting in the book I read during last year's Behemoth-Flyer Trip. Or was the author using a fictional name for the stadium (though it would seem odd that he would use a real team in a fictional venue)?

That's a lot of money for a website that doesn't feature full frontal nudity!

Because I have to watch my caffeine intake, I'm not really supposed to be having any of this stuff (especially Mountain Dew), but I did cheat last weekend and shared a Pepsi Throwback with my girlfriend. In all, I thought it was pretty good. It was Pepsi without the Pepsi aftertaste. Truth be told, I thought it tasted a lot more like Coca-Cola than regular Pepsi does (which is a very good thing).

I had an ex-girlfriend (emphasis on the "ex") who made me take her on the gondola ride at The Venetian once. I timed it and, after it was over, divided it by the cost. It came out to ten cents per second! But other than that, Vegas is pretty cool. I especially like the $6 international breakfast buffet at the Gold Coast. I also loved the $13 prime rib dinner at the Victorian Room of the Barbary Coast, but I guess the Barbary no longer exists. Oh well. That's Vegas.