BeemerBoy

^ I guess they should have consulted you first.

^ Somehow I missed that too. But from what I see, I really like it!!

^ Thanks, Joey! Well said, my friend. Well said. And I epically appreciate it! Thanks so much, Megan. It was wonderful meeting and talking to you each night as well. And hey, we were the lucky ones at dinner....we got the window, while Hector and Ginny got the creepy picture! Those last two are probably my favorite monorail shots I've ever taken. And since you mentioned it, the tour we did was the "Tulum Beach Express Tour" booked through the ship, just in case anyone's interested in the future (definitely recommended by us). Thanks again for all the great comments, folks!

^ Yeah, like you know what you're talking about.

A) So it's wrong for a "marginal FEC" to want to improve by adding a proven money maker? B) How do you know they didn't conduct the study? C) The next time another fast food franchise tries to open a location on my city's already crowded "fast food lane," I'll kindly suggest to them that it's saturated. Surely the 14 other successful franchises would concur. I'm not suggesting the place is 100% destined for booming success, but those are some bold words from you. Sometimes it's not entirely about a feasibility study, but a solid business plan and execution of it. I say we give 'em a chance to formally present something first.

Shane, thanks so much for the Circus World footage. Wow, talk about memory lane!

^ I hear ya, Reed! We can't wait to be back at sea. - Thanks, Joe (both of you)! A wise man once said, "We ain't goin' out like that." Well, I'm not either. I've got some Disney goodness that I skipped earlier in the report. And really, did you think I'd miss a chance to post at least one more monorail picture? Of course not! First of all, here's a total report recap: Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party Downtown Disney Marketplace Disney's Coronado Springs Resort Wilderness Lodge Discovery Cove Halloween Horror Nights 21 review Aquatica First day at sea Labadee, Haiti Montego Bay, Jamaica & the Margaritaville "slide of death" Cozumel, Mayan Ruins, Margaritaville Final Day at Sea The story behind these pictures is simple. I'm a night owl. I also like night photography. Put 'em together, what a fine looking Jew. But seriously, I decided to go out late one night and try my hand at some cool shots around a couple of the resorts. I think some turned out okay, and many others will never see the light of day. The following are some of the "better" ones.....I think. Enjoy, and feel free to critique! The best late night fuel there is. In fact, it's so good it can't be captured in a clear picture! If you hadn't figured it out yet, we're at the Polynesian. TRUE STORY: I was walking along the dock when this owl thought it would be funny to scare the everliving sh*t out of me. It jumped off the beach and flew up to that light post right in front of me. I'm pretty certain those are real laser beam eyes too. Bay Lake Tower "Hidden Mickey"? They run the monorail at 150mph after 12:30am. See ya real soon.

^ No, I must have missed that link. Thanks for posting it! Okay, so anyway, time to pull this bad boy into port. The following pictures are pretty much a potpourri of the last day at sea. Enjoy? First of all, thanks to whoever snapped this one on Thursday (Dan or Hanno?). I appreciate it! Same goes for this one (I'm guessing Robb got this?). Okay, now it's time for the final day of the cruise. Strawberry is good. "I'm here to warn you that the lounge singer butchers everything. Seriously. Run." Mosaics are cool. Bad captions aren't. Deal with it. They should just ditch the master blasters and various water slides. Instead, I wanna see a ship install a speed river around an entire deck. This may be the creepiest character I've ever seen in person. And now for the segment, "Shannon tries THE salad." "So many choices..." "I'll have the monkey brains, please." "Um, ma'am, are you sure??" "One monkey brain salad coming right up. Enjoy!" "I love monkey brains, Dr. Jones!" They served penguin and polar bear for dessert. No. Hi, Joe! That night, we all converged on this place for 2nd dinner. Or was it third? Fourth? I can't remember. Joey and Amy rock! Big Mike and Megan paper! This is exactly how I imagined the soda fountains and diners of the 50's......run by a crew of Filipinos dancing to the sounds of the Bee Gees. It's like right out of a Norman Rockwell painting. Yep. This happened. Psst, guys, we're all within earshot. There's really no need to text each other. Shannon's hair? It was not windy out. It's the new style. Four and three and two and one, and when I'm on the mic the suckers run.... Pimpin' ain't easy. Caption contest. Go.... Yay, homelessness! I like this picture, and I'm not sure why. "Everyone say, 'bye bye'."

^ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1wg1DNHbNU

It's finally time to step through that Mexican vortex and into the world of the Mayans, who believe it or not, actually still have many descendants living in the region. Throughout the following collection of pictures, I'll try and relate as much factual information about the ruins as I was able to retain........which is very little, but I'll do my best. This is where Mel Gibson sacrificed Jews. "Harrison Ford's a quarter Jewish....not too shabby." The coconuts that fall from these trees can cure cancer. I'm told Mexicans are too lazy to harvest them. Therefore, I blame Mexico for cancer. This is the first footer for their 2012 attraction. Robb, why was this not covered at IAAAAAPPAAAA? See those coconuts? Yeah, blame Mexico. What struck me the most is the forward thinking of their civilization. Case in point: these wonderful walkways. Jim Morrison. "Please don't listen to my husband." "Listen to me instead. Feed me your first born....and some Skittles." Plenty of room for expansion. PVC? Yep, the Mayans. Let's play "Find the Iguanas." Go... An early game concept for The Price is Right. The contestant who picked the correct hole it climbed into won a Bob Barker stool sample. "Seriously, please tell me you're not still listening to him." Nickelback played this stage last week. Sorry, Mexico. The thing on the wall is where it was predicted that George Lopez would be funny. Nobody's perfect. "The report's almost over.....right? Same as it ever was. Chuck, this didn't lead us to El Guapo. Perhaps it's one of those laughing plants with a taste for human blood? The next several pictures or so will contain generic factual information. The corner of this building means something because it has a face carved into it. Here's a better look at it. You can see the facial features, including closed eyes. Whereas, on the opposing corner, the eyes are depicted as open. I'm sorry though, I have absolutely no idea what that means. I believe the figure on the bottom left depicts childbirth, with the baby holding onto the umbilical cord. This is as factual as it's gonna get, folks. There's a form of hieroglyphics on this slab of stone....according to our guide, anyway. "Your ignorance and poor retention of my nation's historical facts has brought about the clouds of death, which will be preceded by an invisible swarm of flesh eating mosquitoes. Guess you should have bought that Mexican OFF! huh, champ?....muahahaha." "Save me, Tom Cruise!!" We avoided death by heading to la playa. "Whew, that was close." Seriously, this beach was amazing. "The iguana and I both agree." This shows you how close to the cliff the main temple is. The aforementioned temple. And the view back behind it. I set my backpack down for one second, and this guy tried to jump in it. I was not willing to smuggle any illegal aliens though. The price wasn't right. Mega Iguana vs. __________ "Dad, I need that for school." "Sorry, son. I'm heading to Mexico on a Carnival cruise, and I need John Cena to protect my belongings." A box lunch was provided on the bus ride back to the ferry. I guess too many punks have tried to steal his Mexican Xbox. ("MexBox"?) This picture makes me nauseous. There is absolutely nothing stereotypical about this picture. Yay! Credit #3 of 5 for the trip. That'll do. Hey, it's Renee....caked in mud from the ATV tour! Norwegian has some of the ugliest ships on the sea. Is Freedom of the Seas huge, you ask? Towel Monkey! Goodbye perfect Mexican beach and ruins. Anyway, thanks for joining us at the Ruins. We'll be finishing up the cruise in our next segment of the show. =( Until then, feel free to comment!

Joe, I heard they had a specific design picked out for that plate, but the Marlin stole it and put it on their new uniforms. Ross - Thanks. Chuck - Will do. Although, it's Mexico, so I might be in search of the "singing bush" instead. In my defense, I was given the sticker, and did not specifically ask for it (although that doesn't really help my case any). TPR Cruise 2013?! Does that mean we'll be traveling on Carnival's newest ship? (credit: Maureen and ginzo) Mayan Ruins coming soon....

While I probably wouldn't bother with it, the interactive game does seem like a decent addition...for those that are into that sort of thing. And I never heard about the BTMR cross ties being removed. Why was that done?

Haha, awesome! Although I don't share the sentiment, this was one of the funnier comments I saw posted:

Friday - Cozumel, Mexico / Mayan Ruins / Margaritaville While Jamaica was mine, today was Shannon's big day. She had always wanted to see the Mayan ruins, so this excursion was a no-brainer. We headed out early, jumped on the ferry to the mainland, and then took about a half hour tour bus ride south to Tulum. Tulum is actually a very nice location, and there's several huge resorts in the area. Overall, we were very impressed with Royal Caribbean's planned excursion. Everything went off without a hitch - the ferry, meeting up with our tour guides, boarding the bus, shopping in Tulum, touring the ruins, and the entire trip back to Cozumel - it was well worth the price. The Mayan Ruins at Tulum - I can't honestly say I was as excited as Shannon, but I really did enjoy my visit there. As you arrive, they outfit you with a walkman-type headset with which you can listen to your tour guide. Then you're directed into a huge jewelry/general store for about 15 minutes where you can use the restrooms and purchase whatever trinkets you want. Afterward, you're guided through an adjacent outdoor mall of sorts, and onward to the site of the ruins. When you arrive at the ruins, you're given about a 15-20 walking tour of the site, which basically hits on the highlights. All in all, we both thought it was pretty well done. Following the tour, everyone is directed how to get back to the tour bus (about a 10 minute walk), and then allowed to wander the site at your own pace. We chose to walk down the stairs and chill on the beach, which was absolute perfection! The only downside of the excursion was the ferry ride back to Cozumel. Let's just put it this way, "The sea was angry that day, my friends....like an old man trying to return soup at a deli." I never get seasick, but had that half hour ride been any longer, I might have lost my lunch. People were puking left and right, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria! Seriously though, it was pretty rough.....and people were actually puking. Back on Cozumel, we were somewhat short on time, and not being familiar with our surroundings, we had to cut our visit to Margaritaville shorter than what I had obviously hoped for. Luckily the cabs were pretty efficient and reasonably priced, so we made it back to the ship on time. Pictures... First off, trusty channel 41 gives us our current location......Earth. Well, that's reassuring. Ah, there, that's better. It's also got a cool real-time view that pans from port to starboard. So, realistically, I could steer the ship from my stateroom if needed....I guess. Everyone doing the Cozumel excursion met up in the ship's theater to be grouped, and herded onto the ferry. The other two Mexicos are on siesta. What's the over/under on venereal diseases contracted here in the month of March? Oh, well, at least the boat's entertainment is current. I guess we can expect some Felix the Cat cartoons on the way back? Don't hate me 'cause I know Mexico III's docking times this week. Get your own Mexico Water Jets app, bitches. Land! The beaches along this coast make a strong argument for some of the best in the world. Yay, let's enter "good Mexico." Side note: I like their license plates. Mexican Mickey D's. Heading south to Tulum. This is an example of a Mayan calendar. You could purchase your own personalized one with certain special dates, etc. Our guide also made VERY clear that the whole "end of the world Mayan prediction was rubbish." However, during a break in the action, I quietly explained to him about the unfortunate popularity and success of Jersey Shore. He spent the next few minutes in silent contemplation, then addressed the group, saying, "I'm sorry. You know what I told you about the Mayans? Scratch that. They were right. We're all screwed." Topiary! It's like Disney here.......but not. Shannon's sporting the tour's stylish 1980's-style Sony Walkman headphones. And hey, I wonder what happened to the number "6" sticker they gave everyone to wear which signified the bus number? Jewelry jewelry jewelry!! Hi, Joey Ray. I guess you could say it's a good thing I looked into my cup before I took a sip? Silver Mexican dolphins. Silver Mexican Jaguaro says, "Get me out of Mexico....now!" This is executed a little differently in the border towns. Mexican "OFF!" Yours for the low low price of $18 American dollars. Seriously. Ghetto tram! Their RFID system was not testing today. I have no idea what the hell that is. FACT: Iguanas run this place. Oh, well that explains it. I might actually grow up one day. It's doubtful though. On the next segment of the report, join us as we lead you through this Mexican vortex into a world of the unknown. Stay tuned, but feel free to post away in the meantime.

Same.

The ghost of Jerry Garcia?

^^ Thanks, Ross! We were definitely fans of the new port, and the country in general, really. I had read some reports prior to arriving there, and they made it out to seem as though the locals felt Royal Caribbean hadn't done enough on their end to develop the whole area up to this point in time. While I'm not an expert on the matter, our initial reaction to what they have done was pretty favorable. ^ Thanks! Ursula definitely set a pretty unattainable bar in that category. It brings up an interesting question though. In regards to Bond girl rankings, how does one approach it? By looks alone, the roles they played, or a combination of both? I happen to be a big fan of Eva Green in the "combination category." By the way, Cozumel and the Mayan ruins are up next.

Ah, I don't think that's entirely true. I was able to make out everything in the report just fine. Knoebels looked great, and that baby girl of yours is adorable. Seriously though, nice work! At least Bean wasn't dressed in Jets gear like his Dad.

Yeah, that's some nice work there. Thank you for enduring arrest for our benefit. Did Bean post bail for you?

Flowrider. It was a lot of fun. Not our instructor.

^ I still really like the Orlando one, but the Key West location will always be tops with me. Chris, thanks for the kind words! Just a quick recap of where we've been up to now - Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party Downtown Disney Marketplace Disney's Coronado Springs Resort Wilderness Lodge Discovery Cove Halloween Horror Nights 21 review Aquatica First day at sea Labadee, Haiti Montego Bay, Jamaica & the Margaritaville "slide of death" Thursday - George Town, Grand Cayman Didn't happen.....which means no Margaritaville credit. Instead, you'll now be treated to friends, lobster, wine, Piers, and Flowrider. As always, posting comments is free of charge. Enjoy. "Blates. Why won't this Gaga app work?" I love this picture because I have absolutely no idea what this expression conveys. If you're searching for a theme to the week, this would be a reasonably good option to go with. Reed: International Man of Mystery. Allison! Big Megan and sexy little Mike. I think that's how it goes, right? Hey Jack and Jacqi....and Ginny (we see you trying to hide back there!) Joey, Amy, and Hector round out our nightly dining table of awesomeness. Tonight's word jumble: ATC....GDO.... Love ya, big man!! I'll start with these, but just keep 'em coming as needed! If you run out, make the captain dive for more. Those are my orders. Tonight is my night to shine and outdo Joey at the table. (Still didn't happen.) So after dinner, and before our private Flowrider sessions, we dropped into one of the most awesome places on the entire ship....the wine bar. Very nice, if I do say so myself. And this would be the sight of the main event - Piers vs. 16 different "shots" of white wine. By the way, I'm 99.9% certain the display car which sat outside would have been up on blocks by Day 2, had this been a Carnival cruise. If you're wondering, this is what the "vending" machines looked like. Just swipe your Seapass card, pick an amount, and you're good to go. They were AWESOME. "They must be symmetrical." "Elissa dear, you have huge jugs." "Blessed Ke$ha, I pray to you for inspiration." Lou's expression says it all. The man who worked this bar was thoroughly impressed with the "Wine Challenge," I think. "Bond...." And Bond's leading lady...along with mine. Hi, Stacey! Seriously, we just couldn't compete with Reed. I mean, c'mon.....dude wore a TUX to formal night! My hat's off to you, sir. Up next: Flowrider.

Mmmm, fish tacos. And here's the proof.... Nice work, Chuck!

^ Thank you, sir. Glad you enjoyed 'em! Yeah, that would be tough to miss Labadee, but you'll still have a great time. Day 4 - Falmouth, Jamaica This was the day I was most looking forward to. Besides Jimmy Buffett, Bob Marley also ranks very high up on the musical scale for me. So naturally, Jamaica provided some great options for excursions. The original plan was to take one that would bring us to Bob Marley's birthplace (which is also his final resting place), over to Margaritaville at Montego Bay, and then back to the ship in Falmouth - pretty much the perfect day in my book. However, the TPR excursion to Dunn's River Falls would create the true dilemma in what is pretty much a weird, unexpected way. Crazy enough, it involves Walt Disney World.... See, in the ride If You Had Wings at the Magic Kingdom, there was a certain scene that I remember vividly as a kid. It was the point where the omnimover turns and passes by a series of screen projections featuring different tropical locales. One of them, you guessed it, was Dunn's River Falls (scroll to the bottom of that link ["Scene 12"]). For some reason, it always stood out to me, and I promised myself I'd see it in person one day. Well, long story short, it didn't happen. Even though I'm still a little torn over not going with TPR to the falls, I decided the original plan was where my heart was at this point in time. Although the Marley excursion didn't work out for us either, we still managed to find our way to Margaritaville, and the "Water Slide of Death" in Montego Bay. And speaking of that, here's a little story about our trip over there. Kids, it comes with a great moral, so read closely. Anyway, Falmouth is much like Labadee. It's a port commissioned by Royal Caribbean. Therefore, it's like "manufactured Jamaica," with "real Jamaica" just outside the port's gates. In a nutshell, "manufactured Jamaica" = good and safe....."real Jamaica" = a bit scary in places. And with that said, you can pretty much figure that transportation (cabs, busses) is best arranged within the port's gates, where it's supposedly regulated. Fast forward to us finding a great deal on a bus that would take us on a half hour journey to Montego bay, wait three hours for us, pick us up, make a "pit stop" on the way back to port for some shopping, and then safely deliver us to the ship for $20 a person. Sounds great, right? No logical person would argue that deal, correct? Well, it didn't take long to be reminded that the ship did in fact hold many American tourists. One of those folks happened to be sitting behind us on the bus with his girlfriend or wife. Apparently this person was born without a brain, as he suddenly started bitching and whining to the tour guide that we were sitting there going nowhere and time was wasting away. He also claimed that the advertised price was somehow incorrect, and he felt like they were being ripped off. Mind you, we had only been sitting there several minutes at this point because the operators were obviously waiting for the bus to fill up in order to maximize their profit. Well, the "brainless wonder" continues to berate the tour guide until I had enough and loudly exclaimed, "You know, it's probably better you took a cab." Although he didn't respond, he and his girl jumped up a few moments later and hurriedly made their way off the bus and down the street. No more than a few minutes later we were on our way. As we leave the friendly confines of "manufactured Jamaica," I notice those two wandering the streets searching for a cab in "Real Jamaica"......with a decidedly worried look on her face. Oh, and did I mention that the average rate for an "unregulated taxi cab" from Falmouth to Montego Bay was supposedly around $60 each way? The moral of the story? Don't be an impatient, arrogant, and ignorant American a$$hat......especially in a foreign country!!!! Margaritaville Montego Bay - In a nutshell, the Montego Bay location opened in 1995, and was the first "Margaritaville" in Jamaica, with the water slide also being a "first" for Jamaica. In 2000, Jimmy signed on, and the owners became the franchise holder for "Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville." They now have seven Caribbean locations. As for the "Slide of Death," these were a couple examples of research material I had prior to our visit: Exhibit A, and Exhibit B. Neither one inspired a whole lot of confidence, but either way, I wasn't going there to sit and watch from the sidelines. Well, you're reading this (at least some of you have probably made it this far....I hope), so I obviously survived, but wow! The slide itself was fairly smooth and quick, but needless to say, it was a pretty abrupt ending. Pro Tip: If you ever need your sinuses cleared, just smack your face into the ocean at a high rate of speed. That'll do it. Trust me. I realized quickly how to prepare for the splashdown and then got a couple more rides in before retreating for another margarita (I only took the point and shoot camera on this day, and unfortunately the video function wasn't working on it, so sadly only pics of the slide). The only downside of our visit was that the weather a day earlier apparently forced a Carnival ship to dock in Montego Bay rather than Ocho Rios, so there was now two Carnival ships in port rather than just one. For the record, that's two too many, and it reared its ugly head on at least one occasion. Some idiot decided to treat our two-person dining table like a community table by setting all of his belongings on it while Shannon was still sitting there watching me and taking pics. When she brought it to his attention that it wasn't his table, he got pissy about it and stormed off. Oh, Carnival. We finished up, bid Jimmy farewell, and made the short walk to Doctors Cave Beach, where we lounged for awhile and then jumped back in the bus for the trek back to the ship. Overall, we really loved our experience in Jamaica!! I'll let pictures take over now..... Realistically, isn't every town "historic" in some way? "Aruba, Jamaica ooo I wanna take you To Bermuda, Bahama come on pretty mama Key Largo, Montego baby why don't we go...." I always love the first sight of a country's flag. I'll let you guess what these guys were playing. *HINT* - It's wasn't all your favorite hits from the 80's, 90's, and today. So here's a good look at "Manufactured Jamaica." It reminded me a LOT of Mallory Square in Key West. Not that that's a bad thing at all!! And out there beyond that row of palm trees is "Real Jamaica." I seriously wish I would have had the camera ready when we rolled back through town at the end of the day. The sight of some scary rastafarian running up to the bus and wildly waving his hand through the skull of an alligator still haunts me. Pirates are in this year. As I'm typing this, it's 36 degrees at my current location . =( "elcome To Montego Bay." I suppose flying cars could be considered a hazard too. Yay...first international Margaritaville credit!! Ah hell, there goes the neighborhood. Must refocus on goodness. Yep. Appleton Rum was pretty good. Some of the other stuff I sampled later on threatened to put me on my arse. FACT: Jimmy Buffett once flew Bono and his family into Negril, Jamaica on the plane which now sits outside the Orlando City Walk location. As the plane landed and taxied to the dock, it was shot at by local authorities who suspected they were drug smugglers. Jimmy later wrote a song about it - "Jamaica Mistaica." This is actually all very true. And speaking of the "Hemisphere Dancer," there she is. It was a little busy. Thanks, stupid Carnival. Side note: Alan Jackson is the only country star I can tolerate. Why? Because he still looks and acts like a country singer should. He also sang the duet with Jimmy that inspired this clock. That helps too. Om Nom Nom. Our table view. "Hey mon, isn't that gonna sit precariously close to the end of the slide?" My favorite drink in hand, AND I got "lei'd"? All things considered, life's not too bad. "I'd like to go where the pace of life's slow Could you beam me somewhere Mr. Scott? Any 'ole place here on earth or in space You pick the century and I'll pick the spot." - "Boat Drinks" - Jimmy Buffett It's hard damn work being a "minion" or a "dbag." "Hi, haters. Here's to ya! Still love ya!" Okay, let's do this! Safety first.....accidents a close second. *$@#$&! Success!! Let's walk up the street to the beach.... Mr. Rick was not in today. I hear he has a girl up at the Blue Parrot. Psst, you do realize you named your BUS after a PLANE, right? Doctors Cave Beach, Montego Bay, Jamaica. While it's obviously a bit touristy, it's still something straight out of a postcard. And I'm not gonna argue with perfect sun, sand, surf,........ ...and company. There's really only one correct way to dress for a Jamaican beach. "Well I'm Scott B and I'm back from the dead Chillin' at the Beach down at Club Med..." Loves me some island style architecture! I'm taking up a collection to buy this dude a riding lawnmower for Christmas. Who's with me? Well, this seems like a natural fit? Hang on, let me put on my shocked face. When you absolutely have to get that bottle open in world record time. This message has been brought to by the Jamaica Department of Tourism. And....we're back. I mentioned the crazy rastafarian just outside the port's gate waving his hand through an alligator skull, right? Well, thanks for checking out Montego Bay with us. Hope you enjoyed it. Now it's time to get back on board and..... ...grab a quick snack at the Windjammer while overlooking the port. Then it's time for another awesome dinner with the group!

^ I was thinking along the lines of "Spring Break 2012 STD Globe of Death."

N'ap boule! It's funny, we were seated on the Land Rover and getting ready to make the drive up the mountain when our guide was giving us some instructions. He said, "Now when I say 'Sak pase,' what do you say?" I said, "N'ap boule," and he looked at me, smiled and said, "Did your friends in Miami teach you that?" I was like, "Um, well, yeah, actually they pretty much did."