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Erik & Smisty & TPR do Denmark, Norway, Sweden, and Finland

Part 28: Big Finnish

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Erik & Smisty here. You may remember us from such trip reports as Erik & Smisty & TPR do Holland, Poland, and Swedeland and Erik & Smisty & TPR do Germany, Belgium, and France. Well, it's time to complete the trilogy!

To make it easier on myself this time, I'm going to break this up into much smaller parts than those previous ones. In fact, I'm basically just going to post one day at a time. So let's get started with a nice short Day 1, in which we left Seattle at 11:57am on Tuesday, 5/30/23 and arrived in Copenhagen at 11:40am on Wednesday, 5/31/23.

Right, so this is Day 2 actually. Or, um, Days 1 & 2?

Whatever, it doesn't matter.


Lazy Links

01: Fragile Days

02: Drunk Elephants with Regret

03: Copenhagen's Most Instagrammable Courtyards

04: Enjoying Penis

05: Down This Toilet

06: Authentic Taco Toast

07: The Flying Trunk

08: Braking off the Chain

09: Frog Frog Frog

10: My Sense of Your Sense of Language

11: Hammer & Sword

12: Hooked on Fønix

13: Today in the Dog

14: Norway Jose

15: You Can't Put Shoes on a Shark

16: Godiscupcake

17: How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything

18: Science Gun

19: Another Way to Stimulate Lions

20: Blue Train

21: Delicious Nut Cheese

22: The Happiest People in the World

23: Mixed Blueberry Feelings

24: Born To Boom

25: Sampo Circus

26: Cork Is Sorry

27: The Holy Grail of Vertical Conveyances

28: Big Finnish



01: Fragile Days



Yes, we begin at the world famous Tivoli Gardens where we've apparently stumbled onto some sort of race.



But no, that's not where we start! We start with planning. Endless, endless planning. Because that's who we are.



And then of course there's the flight. During which your boy turned on the charm in order to score himself two desserts.

Or maybe I just stole Smisty's. It's hard to remember.



Then a quick train ride from the airport and a short walk to the hotel for a nap.



Then we wandered through the streets of Copenhagen.



And then to Tivoli Gardens!

But mostly just to look around, soak in the atmosphere, and get some food. Rides will happen later, with TPR. But first we have like four days to do Erik & Smisty things.

Coming soon!

Or, you know, soon-ish-ly.

Fine. Eventually.

Look, it'll happen when it happens, okay?


Next up, Day 2!

Or, um, 3, depending on how you count.


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What's there to do in Copenhagen? Lots of stuff! And we did some of it!


02: Drunk Elephants with Regret



See? I really went to a zoo. And how can you tell it's in Denmark? I don't know, the trees or something?



Well, you can certainly tell that it's not in America.



"Am I boring you, ma'am?"



What's you favorite dinosaur? Mine is the brontosaurus, but I don't need to explain myself to you.



Not our dino.



"Hey, um, could we get a fence or something here? Humans are scary."



The Danish word for lion is love. So, yeah, if you're looking for love, maybe try a Danish zoo.



Bistro PanPan allows you to enjoy some pretty tasty Asian fare whilst desperately searching the abutting enclosure for some sign of a panda.

No really, there's one in there. If you can't see it, it's only because you're not looking hard enough. It's not the photographer's fault.



I'd include a photo of the tunnel that goes under the road and over to the giraffes and such, but that would be exactly as interesting as it sounds.



Elderly black bear, or world's dirtiest polar bear? You decide!



One of the most interesting things about the Copenhagen Zoo is that it contains a 142-foot tall wooden observation tower (as seen here from an aviary).



And you can climb it via these luxurious stairs!



Pretty nice view of Copenhagen from up here.

Maybe we'll just sit down and enjoy the view for a minute.

Sorry for my use of the very American "minute." For you Europeans, that translates into roughly 15 "kvaksalvere."

Okay, off to the next thing....



Cisternerne is a former underground reservoir now used as a art space. Every year the old exhibition comes out and a new one is installed.



Honestly, just the space itself is super cool.



And yes, obviously, a bit creepy.



I wasn't terribly impressed by the art part of it, though. Looking online at some of the previous years doesn't do much to change my mind either.

Still worthwhile though.



A quiet Copenhagen street where a Dane might live.

That's what they call themselves, Danes.

Actually, I don't know for sure that that's true. Maybe it's just what English-speaking people call them.

Okay, I looked it up. They call themselves "danskere."

Might be a good time to mention that many, many Danes speak fluent English, and just what an embarrassing and humbling gift it is that so much of Europe speaks my home language while requiring me to learn basically nothing. 



An unquiet Copenhagen street where a Dane might party.



Hooray, Smisty's beloved Swedish burger chain has made it to Denmark!



Do I like Max Burger because it's actually better than, say, McDonald's, or just because it's more exotic (from my perspective)?




Is this interesting? I can't tell.



The Carlsberg (yes, the brewing company) Elephant Gate and Tower.



"Larry, when I said we should all get tattoos, I meant like bamboo or something. What the hell, man?"

(To be fair, this was way less weird when it was built back in 1901.)



Let's end today with something a little more Normal.

Yes, there will be more of this nonsense. In fact, we're just getting started.


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  • 2 weeks later...

We were originally going to visit the aquarium on day 5, but doing the math on our 4-day rail pass and the fact that the aquarium was kind of down near the airport, we decided to move it up to day 3.

Is that an interesting introduction? No. But it's the best I've got and I already showed you the whiteboard plan, which this varies from. Which makes this is an absolutely necessary explanation if you're paying a frankly disturbing amount of attention to this trip report.


03: Copenhagen's Most Instagrammable Courtyards



Aquariums are like zoos but with air conditioning.



They're also mind-bending human hubris. We want to look at these fish but on land and not dead. Hey, I know, let's building a big tank full of ocean a thousand miles inland!

Actually, the ocean is right outside of the National Aquarium Denmark. Except they call it the Baltic Sea for some reason. I guess because people didn't realize how far it stretched when they first named it?



Common Octopus

I'm not being judgmental, the person that named it is.

You're special to me, dude.



This was supposed to be a photo of undersea plant life. Sorry about the fish in the way.



Love an aquarium tunnel. Speaking of human hubris.



Looking at food all morning makes me hungry.



See, because you can eat fish. And we were looking at fish all morning. Is the joke there.



As far as Misty could get from me whilst still technically being at the aquarium.

Because of the joke from the previous photo. Is the joke there.

She was unhappy with it. So she went over there.

To get away from me.



But the joke's on her, because she'll never find me now!


Damn gravity.



Near the aquarium. At first I thought they were little hotel cabins. But nope. Saunas. And we're not even in Finland yet.



One of Copenhagen's most instagrammable benches! 


And now off to the University of Copenhagen Botanical Garden.


Leave it to Smisty to take a photo that looks like a renaissance painting.



And hey, you can climb stairs to an upper walkway around this green house! On an 80+ degree day. I did not think this through.



Honestly, the botanical garden was just okay. A lot of the grounds were blocked off for construction also, so that probably didn't help much.



Still better than the associated Natural History Museum though. It's a real combo ticket of yawn!

Also, this building not only doesn't have air conditioning, it doesn't even have bathrooms...? So that's weird.



What it does have is a large exhibition of award-winning photographs. Which maybe sounds interesting for a second, if you've never been on the internet or heard of magazines.



In the gift shop, you can buy rocks.

Okay, so for those of you planning a trip to Copenhagen, I hope this has been helpful.



As a pallet cleanser, we strolled casually through the King's Garden. (Which should really be renamed the Peoples' Garden, I should think.)



The Round Tower was probably my favorite attraction in Copenhagen. (Other than Tivoli Gardens, of course.) Mostly just because it was so weird and interesting.



So, basically, instead of stairs, the inside is a big circular ramp, so that horses and carts could travel up it, in order to move big heavy telescopes and such. That's right, it was an observatory.



And then there's this adjacent connected building with a church and some other stuff that really messes with your sense of scale as you climb up this "tower."



Hey, where are those people going?



Oh, to look up and down the hollow core of the tower. Where they've now conveniently installed plexiglass to prevent anyone else from plunging to their death. Nice.




Wait, but there are stairs now. Harrumph.



Caged Copenhagen.



To go up the last little bit, and back down, there's a one-way only staircase with "traffic lights" on a timer.

And that works...?

It would not work in America. Like, at all.

There's also a "one person at a time" set of stairs that goes up just a little higher so that you can get a look at the observatory itself. But my picture of it was kind of meh, so let's just pretend that room doesn't exist.



A big history exhibit/classroom/gift shop that's above the church...? Even though the church has a vaulted ceiling, I think? I don't know, this building makes no sense to me.

I love it though.



Having said that...how is this their magnet? Like, did the photographer miss, and they just went, "Well, can't take it again. Just a one use camera, I reckon. What can you do?"

Seriously, this is shite.



Okay, I'm good now. My first proper old fashioned Danish ice cream cone.






Nyhavn. Which is Danish for "Gentrified Amsterdam."



Angry signage is the best signage.

Why? Because they weren't just angry, they stayed angry. They come in every day, and see this signage they put up, and go, "Yep, perfect."



Still Nyhavn, I guess? Or at the very least, still Copenhagen.



Okay, that's it for day 3. And while Chuck and Bert are ahead of me in Denmark with their trip reports, we're about to jump to Sweden!



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Thrilled to see inside the Round tower, as I only got a pic of it as we passed in walking on the 1st night.

I was wondering what was in there.

and yes, if even *I* wouldn't buy that magnet?  you know it's a sucky magnet. . LOL

Great to see all this stuff, keep on updating!

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  • 2 weeks later...

The Øresund is a combined railway and automotive bridge/tunnel that connects Denmark and Sweden. And I like bridges. So we took a day trip from Copenhagen to Sweden's third largest city, Malmö.

But before we go any further, I should warn you that this update may not be entirely safe for work--and is most definitely not safe for dinner.


04: Enjoying Penis



Sadly, the Øresund is not super-visible from where we were in Copenhagen, nor from where we started and ended in Malmö, and it would've required quite the side-quest to get close enough to it for a decent photo. So here's a shot from on the train...which is also not particularly good. You're welcome.



The Optimist Orchestra welcomes you.



No idea what any of this is, but I already love Malmö.



Admittedly, the city could use an amusement park. (But Tivoli Gardens is less than an hour away thanks to the Øresund.)



What the city does have, though--and you can actually see the outside of the building in the upper left of this photo--is quite possibly the worst attraction in the entire world.

And I mean that in a good way.



Yes, your ticket is a barf bag, and your bingo card is an invitation to self-harm. But what else would you expect at the Disgusting Food Museum?



Yes, disgusting is in the mind of the beholder. With USA's disgusting food contribution turning out to be...A&W Root Beer? Which people is Northern Europe apparently think tastes like toothpaste? I mean...I don't see it, but okay.



Vegemite. From Australia, of course. Hey, maybe this isn't going to be so bad!



Well, at least it's super-difficult to prepare.



Much of the layout. The blue-topped jars are for smelling. You know, just in case looking at this stuff isn't awful enough for you.



This sounds made up. Like the food equivalent of those sex position "jokes" like the rusty trombone or whatever.



There's no way you could make this one up.

But okay, you look at some gross food, you read about it. Maybe take a whiff from a jar. But that's not the same as actually eating this stuff, right? Well, the Disgusting Food Museum agrees with you. Because the last part of the experience is the sample bar.

Remember that bingo card?



Hey Misty, I think you have some dung beetle stuck in your teeth.

Yes, she tried everything. Which is weird, because she's normally one of those super-picky chicken-tenders-and-fries kind of eaters. But bring out the Stinking Bishop Cheese and Three Penis Wine and all of a sudden she's all in.

I did not get bingo. But I did try Hákarl.

Feel free to google it.



Following the DFM, we needed a mental palate cleanser...



...and an actual palate cleanser.

I note with some satisfaction that there was no ice cream deemed disgusting enough for inclusion at the DFM.

Anyway, I can wholeheartedly recommend the Sweet Spot in Malmö, which I am reasonably sure would've still been great even if we hadn't just eaten a bunch of dare-you-to-try-it garbage foods.



In Sweden, when a loved one dies, they bury them in the ground.

See, that's why I love to travel. So weird!



Our second big attraction in the city is Malmö Castle, which has a long and interesting history that I'm not going to tell you about because it's actually not that interesting even though it isn't really even all that long.



Inside is stuff that once was the height of luxury but now looks to my modern butt as mostly uncomfortable.



A view of the city from a high castle window. Note the Turning Torso, which is by far the tallest building in Malmö but doesn't have any sort of observation deck, so forget it.



The castle also has art. But remember, this isn't Stockholm. Or even Gothenburg. This is Sweden's third largest city. So the art here is melty chairs and stuff.



There's also whatever this is! Like, a natural history section, I guess?



And, most importantly, a small (but not as small as I expected) aquarium!

(Yes, that's why I'm wearing my fish shirt again. I coordinate. Just wait until Legoland!)



If you know what kind of jellyfish these are, post a response telling everyone because I've forgotten!

And if you don't know what kind of jellyfish these are, post a response with some made up name and see if you can fool me!

Or maybe you'll make something up and it'll turn out to be correct! Seems unlikely, but that would be cool!



Elon, no!



I think you're supposed to sit on the snake...?

That's what...he said...?



Insert Netherlands joke here. I'll make something up later. Don't worry, I'm not actually going to publish it this way!



These murals are probably famous or something.



Okay, here's the problem with letting me choose a restaurant in a city I've never been in before. I see someplace that's circus themed and I get all excited because I forget that children exist. And that's who this restaurant is for. This food is awful.

But at least there's a lot of it. Which is the problem with letting Smisty order while you're in the bathroom.



And some wiener nougat for dessert.

You thought there was going to be a Disgusting Food Museum callback here, didn't you?

I'm better than that.



Malmö's symbol is a griffin. Or is he a mascot? I dunno. He's on the crest. And on this ball thing. Wait...is that supposed to be a globe?

Anyway, Malmö is great and I'm glad we visited. Most of my snarky comments were me just trying to be funny. All in good fun, Sweden!

Can I move to you, please?


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I know, I know (but I love aquariums too)


those are White Spotted Jellyfish!  (from Australia)

(tho I called the Cauliflower legged Jellyfish) :)

I knew  y'all had a blast in Malmo. . . but so thrilled to see the pics.    Do you have any others from the Circus themed restaurant?   What kind of food was it?

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Having experienced all of the touristy things in Copenhagen that were on our list, and with only the TPR welcome dinner on the agenda for this day, we decided to wander around some different areas of the city and also do something beneath us.


05: Down This Toilet



We've been to a lot of Ripley's Believe It or Not Museums. Not because they're good, mind you. Call it a guilty pleasure. This was to be our first international one, though. And it also had an attached Hans Christian Andersen "Experience."



These places usually mix about half "standard" stuff that can be found at any of their locations and half "original" exhibits that are unique to that location. Or at least I've heard them claim that.



This room featured an extremely squeaky floor. On purpose...?



I do like this gate that you have to figure out how to open (if you're too stupid to just go around).



Spinning tunnel!



In 1919, 29-year-old Robert Ripley married actress Beatrice Roberts, who was 14 at the time. Believe it or not!



Smisty looking at nothing. (What an attraction!)



Whilst Bert and Chuck are deep into actual amusement park updates in their trip reports, I'm still wasting your time with this nonsense.



Robert Ripley died in 1949, live on his own television show. Believe it or not!



This guy is kind of a big deal 'round these parts.



This scene represents Copenhagen, where Hans Christian Andersen lived. And is also the place this is located in.



This scene represents some dumb-ass fairy tale in which a young girl suffers while a prince lives a wonderful life. Probably. Most of them are basically that.



Smørrebrød are a staple of Danish cuisine. It's usually described as a fancy open-faced sandwich, but that's kind of selling it short. 



In Summer, the Danes sunbath along the canals. Which is way better than what the Dutch do along their canals.



But we didn't come here to look at scantily-clad Scandinavians, we came here for ice cream!



This weird bridge is for bicycles.



Copenhagen Mall



Oh. Oh, no. Copenhagen, please, you can do better than America's most disgusting food-court chain.



A Danish board game store. Not in the mall, even though this trip report may make it seem that way.



My name is everywhere in this city.



Time to meet up with some friends.

And nobody got Covid this time!



The TPR welcome dinner was at Tivoli Garden's Wagamama, because Elissa.



Quite a few members of the group had only recently arrived and choose to explore Tivoli Gardens after dinner, but having already done that, we headed back out into the city.



While we're not quite done with Copenhagen, now seems like a good time to mention that I really enjoyed the city and everything it had to offer. 

I mean, it's no Stockholm, but it's still pretty great.



Maybe the real Copenhagen was the friends we made along the way.

And maybe, just maybe, we'll actually visit an amusement park in the next update.

Whenever that ends up being.


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Smørrebrød are a staple of Danish cuisine. It's usually described as a fancy open-faced sandwich, but that's kind of selling it short. 

I agree--enjoyed a nice one with smoked salmon and a poached egg at Tivoli.

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  • 2 weeks later...

What's this? An actual theme park update?! Indeed so!


06: Authentic Taco Toast



That TPR bus life. But to where...?!

This isn't really much of a cliffhanger, if you're reading Chuck or Bert's trip reports. Or read my first update where I literally spoil everything.



Turns out you have to be a superhero to visit BonBon Land. But that's okay because I can talk to animals.

I'm also extremely lactose-tolerant.



Fun story. No, wait, what's that other thing? Tedious.

Tedious Story.

I was somewhat more familiar with this park's layout and history because my internet-friend JazzAnden recreated it on the DKMP OpenRCT2 discord server as park of a timeline park "contest." (I was also part of that contest, though my park was entirely made up, and also not as good.)

I am telling you this for a reason, though the payoff won't be until the next update, at which point you'll probably have forgotten.



This park is very normal.



Founded on/with/because of a candy factory in much the same way Knott's was built around a berry farm or Plopsaland De Panne was founded on honey--except that this candy is gross. Or at least it's themed that way. I've never actually had it. I did buy a bag, and brought it home--but strictly for display.



Smisty found her jam.



And I found mine.

I am among my people.



Although, my people are apparently very weird.

I'm all for a themed log flume--even if that theme is cheese-making sewer rats--but this one had some rough, clunky transitions (not unlike Diamond River at Legendia).



*sigh* ... the dogfart coaster



There's a bit of this sort of thing.



I think this is supposed to be an albatross. But, thanks to Bert, all I can see now is "transvestite chicken."



Have you ever wanted to say that you've ridden the very first Eurofighter?

I didn't.



On the other hand, this spinning coaster was quite good. With the highlight being that bunny hill on the right, which offered a nice pop of airtime whilst the car was spinning. Smisty and I were able to get a car to ourselves, and sit together, early in the day. (And, baby, you don't know what "imbalanced" is until you've ridden with me!)



Oh, Henry. You are one gastrointestinally-distressed doggo.



Is this the world's longest coaster train? Let's not do any research and just say that it is.



Speaking of gastrointestinally-distressed, it was time for a group lunch at gross-candy-themed Danish theme park Mexican buffet.

I'm sorry, "Mexican" should really have quotes around it there.

If you're worried that this might prove to be too spicy, a.) don't, and b.) congratulations, you are Danish.



I was trying to figure out what the turtle's problem was, and then I realized he was skewered on a spinning pole and had chair swings attached to the bottom of his shell.



BonBon Land doesn't have a proper dark ride, but they do have an outdoor boat ride with scenery. Which is the next best thing in my book.



It's fun how the unload station is just "get out during the ride and then walk into the actual station even though the boat is moving and you're just impatient but no one will be mad at you because you're in Europe so that's fine." And also there's only one ride op and who even knows if there are rules?



Just, the best photo ever. My finest work.



Hundreds of young people are gathering for the latest craze
An acid house party in a disused warehouse



This child thinks his hands are guns. Because he's stupid.



Super hidden rapids ride. Which is also smelly according to that goat.



But I rode it and it was fine. And not even particularly wet (though there is of course an element of randomness).

The theme is beavers. But just kind of regular beavers, not gross candy ones. Newer stuff really does not embrace the whole gross mascots thing. Which is sad, but also...yeah.



Listen. y'all, I live in Cowboy Town.

*salutes in American*



Not a dark ride. Dark. And shooty. But not a ride. Just a room with guns. So, like, America.



That skeleton has eyes but no skin.

Also, where did that other one get their shirt? Because it looks like it's really held up in a way that mine never do.

Also, is he a prisoner, or...?

Fun story: When I was a kid, I thought if someone got prison time of "life plus [x number of] years" that they just left them in jail for that long after they died.

I also thought all dogs were male and all cats were female.

This all really explains a lot, huh? I should shut up.



Let's get the hell out of here, Hankatten.

On a scale of 0-10, with 0 being a park I have no desire to return to in its current state, and 10 being one of my 10 favorite parks, I give BonBon Land a 3.

Which is probably not as bad as it sounds, but yeah this park was just okay.


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And now for Tivoli Gardens proper!

This is probably the park that I was most looking forward to before the trip, and while it didn't end up being my favorite, it still has quite a lot to offer.


07: The Flying Trunk



Of course we'd already walked around, took photos, and sampled some of the food here while staying across the street these last few days--but now we're actually going to ride stuff!



It's a hotel. Disney really did get all their ideas from this place!

(Actually, whilst the building itself is quite old, it's only been a hotel for like 20 years.)



This park is absolutely charming and wonderful. But...there's only like 2 good rides (in my estimation).



And this is one of them. Rutschebanen.

Okay, remember the seemingly-pointless story about my internet-friend who did a recreation of BobBon-Land in OpenRCT2? Well, that's him. He's the brakeman.

So now we're real friends.




Behind the scenes tour. Because, you know, TPR.

Also, nudity. Because, you know, TPR.



Obviously, with the brakeman controlling the speed, there will be some variation from ride to ride. None of my rides were extreme or anything, but it's smooth, there was some airtime and laterals, and the brakemen really put on a show.

Super fun and reridable. (Yeah, I know "reridable" isn't actually a word. But maybe it will be someday.)



This certainly feels like the oldest section of the park, so I'll just assume that it is.



The Fun House



Unlike most other fun houses I've been in, this is not a continuous path with gags along it, but more an open space where you can choose what to explore. Which, to be honest, I didn't like as much. Still, as an American, any fun house is a good fun house (because we really don't have them).



Hey, it's me!

The middle one, with the ice cream cones and the similar screen name.

ICE CREAM CONES (you hush)



Hey, it's also me. Except on a Ferris wheel. And for some reason without an ice cream cone. So, a rare photo indeed.



Minen, Rutschebanen, the fun house, and a bunch of other little things, all occupy the same "building." Which very much pleases me.



Minen is an old mill type ride with a small drop and a weird switch-track that just turns you a little bit (in a way that could have been just as easily achieved with a turn). It's also equipped with very noisy flashlight guns that you use to annoy me. Er...I mean, that you use to shoot at randomly-placed static reflectors.



This is cool, though.

We really don't need the shooting part.

Get off my lawn.



This is a Smisty and Bert ride.



Powered coaster on your right, restaurant on your left. Guess what the next photo will be.



If you want your pizzas cut, ask for our "pizzaslicer"



Bert was otherwise engaged.

Photo by AJ, I'm pretty sure.



But don't worry, I found something else to do.

Note my pocket napkin technique. This ain't my first ice rodeo.



Cute kids ride that I never saw running.



Smisty likes spinning. I like ice cream. We both like candy stores.



Flyvende Kuffert is the other great ride at Tivoli Gardens. Shown here prior to park open. (Because, you know, TPR.)



What is this, a toilet?

That would be a great joke if I'd put these photos in a different order.)

Anyway, that previous photo was just the facade. The ride itself is mostly underground.



Yes, it's a whirlwind tour of Hans Christian Andersen's most famous stories! Complete with narration in either Danish or English (your choice).



AJ giving the international signal for "couldn't they have at least put a cover over the hole?"



A truly unique and wonderful dark ride!


Daemonen is the park's other full-size coaster. And while the layout is compact and interesting, the ride itself didn't really do much for me.



I'm not usually a big demand-er of consistency. Different rides are designed differently and that means that what might work at one ride won't necessarily work at another. No sense trying to make one set of rules that everything has to fit into. That, in my opinion, ultimately just ends up making operations less safe.

Having said that, it was quite jarring to go from Rutschebanen, where guests can jump on and off moving trains, to Deamoeneaon, where you can't even wear glasses with a strap.



Daeameaoneaonea's exit path is barely even in the park.



Few survive eating this burger? Is it on the other side of Chuck Norris Avenue?



A small but charming car ride.



Everyone was excited about the two outward facing vehicles, but I had never been on a condor-type ride at all, so even just the regular cars were interesting to me.



I love the ladder.



Tivoli is oddly laid out--at least as an amusement park--as there are large areas that don't contain rides at all. But I don't know why I'm mentioning that here, because there's clearly a ride in this photo.



Misty, you're going the wrong way. Humans to the left.



Tivoli also has a small aquarium. That's maybe mostly exists as a waiting area for a show venue...?



A kids area, and behind that, a building with offices (I think) and a haunted walk-through.



A statue of Reed Copenhagen, founder of Denmark.

Wait, does that say, "Cakenhagen"?



It does indeed.

This park may only have two good rides, but it does also have some pretty good food options.



Most bathrooms in this park--and in Copenhagen--and in Denmark--are in the basement. In fact, it was so common that I just started saying that I had to go to the basement whenever nature called.

Yeah, I really should've put this photo before that earlier one.



That is a sad clown.



Tivoli was good. Maybe not quite great, but good.

Erik's score: 8

I'm too lazy to explain the scale again. If you love this park, then just pretend it's on a scale of 1 to 8. And, I guess if you hate the place, assume it's on a scale of 1 to 100.

Crap, it would've been way less typing to just tell you what my scale actually is.

That's it, I'm



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On 9/1/2023 at 7:44 AM, cfc said:

But at least they have taco toast. 

and Drag Queen Chickens!

that I loved so much I bought the magnet, even tho I HATE Disc-O's and didn't ride the ride :)


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Great update, Erik! My impression was that the aquarium  was special-event space masquerading as an attraction.

I like Tivoli a lot, and I agree that it's more of a "hang out" park than a "ride" park--which is fine.

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Bakken is the world's oldest amusement park. I guess. I mean, I'm not going to check. And I'm certainly not going to argue the point. Because, in the end, it doesn't really matter. Being old doesn't equate to being good. If it did, I would be awesome.


08: Braking off the Chain



No entry fee for this park. You can be menaced by the clown for free.

Is there a difference between this clown and the one at Tivoli Gardens? No. They literally have the same mascot, despite not being otherwise connected (as far as I know).



Both park's also have a "Rutschebanen." Which isn't too surprising since it's literally just Dansk for "rollercoaster."

There's one big difference, however. Whilst the one at Tivoli Gardens still operates with a brakeman, this one was converted a couple of years back to a more traditional coaster. And how exactly does one do such a thing without completely reprofiling the ride? Easy, you just add brakes everywhere. And I mean everywhere. I'm talking about an offensive amount of brakes. This ride should be called Brake Mountain. Like, leave some brakes for cars on the road. I'm not even sure this really counts as gravity-powered anymore.

Of course, without all those brakes you would be dead. The same way this ride is dead. Except you probably wouldn't be converted to a zombie cyborg. Hopefully, Bakken would just let *you* die.



Daniel and I both wore red, making it hard to tell us apart.



Bakken is actually Dansk for, "We hope you like stairs."

Actually, it's not that bad. It's mostly just the front part of the park that's hilly. It's just that once I start writing angry captions, it's hard to stop. Even if the park doesn't really deserve it.

I'll try to calm down.




Literally the worst thing I did on the trip.

To be fair, the park was trying to help us out by putting it in "Turbo Mode." And I'm sure some people enjoyed it. But I found it violently horrible. And it didn't even spin. At least not on my one and only ride that's ever going to be.



This kid gets it.

This is literally my new least-favorite roller coaster.



It was quite warm this day, but luckily Bakken does have one (pretty-wet) water ride.



Bumper cars.

See, this is what happens when I stop being angry. It just becomes nothing. I am entirely rage-powered.



What do you think is happening here?

My theory: The regular-sized scientist has enlarged his girlfriend, and she's so excited about how far ahead she can now see that she doesn't notice things in the road right in front of her.



The best coaster at Bakken is this surprising Intamin family coaster, Mine Train Ulven, which both doesn't beat the crap out of you and doesn't have brakes every five feet.



It's not going to rearrange your top 10 list, but it's fast and smooth and fun and comes very close to quite a few trees.



Hey, they have one of these things. And Smisty is on it.

I didn't ride, mostly because I didn't want to sit in the sun for the loading and unloading process.



And they have a fun, traditional dark ride. So things are starting to look up.



Hells yeah, *I'm* an American! And I love dining!



Huh. Yeah, I guess that's sort of American-ish.



What if we put our double shot in a little pit? That would be cute, right?

Yes. It's adorable.



Well, what if we also put of wild mouse in a pit? Would you like that?

Yes, yes I would!



It's a Mack, and a fun one.

Plus, you know, pit.



I mostly took a photo of this place because of the horrific decoration of a demonic child going all Erik on a ice cream cone. But one nice thing that I'll say about Bakken is that there were lots of ice cream choices throughout.



The best attraction at Bakken was this boat-themed fun house.


I don't normally post videos, but it's hard to really convey the movement of this thing via photo.



An obvious reference to, "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish."



Best new-to-me fun house of the trip.



I don't normally think of theme park games as being particularly attractive to seniors, but damned if Bakken didn't figure it out!



Outdoor tracked jungle-themed ride.



It was so hot the sun singed off part of my hair!



Indoor tracked jungle-themed ride.

That probably would have flowed better without the weird hair joke photo in-between.

We nearly passed this by because we didn't think it was a dark ride initially. Not sure why. It looks like a dark ride here.



Another white clown, another swastika.



Yeah, I don't have to go that bad.

(That joke was overdone during the trip, but I don't have anything better so...there you go.)



Done with Denmark forever, we head to Germany via ferry.



And then a bus ride.



And then a surprise late dinner by our very thoughtful host hotel for the evening.



And then our unique room in the basement.

And then, finally, sleep.


Oh yeah, Bakken. Well, I think I liked it just a little bit better than BobBon-Land, so: 4


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