This needs to be discussed ...

[Stitch]

Lately I haven't been myself, my friends have seen this and tonight Julie brought it to my attention. Since my break up with Nicci I have been very depressed and this makes my condition that much worse. For those who don't know I am Bi-Polar, a lot of people don't know what Bi-Polar is so I am giving a site that explains my condition.

 

I never mean to offend anyone and I apologise if I have. It is something I can't control and I usually am not aware of which mood I am in.

 

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm#intro

 

That site will teach you all you need to know about my condition. I will do my best to control myself but it isn't something I have control over. So, bear with me and hopefully once I am out of my depression my stability will return - Eric

[TConwell]

I have family members with the same condition, and it is treatable. However, those who are not willing to take the proper steps to treat themselves ... well ... will wallow in this condition for life. There are more than 20 approved medications to assist, not too mention enough counseling to to choke a horse with.

 

Get some help man, and remember -- ALWAYS REMEMBER THIS. If you are truly 19 years old as your profile says, GET OVER IT! OK? Honestly man, take it from someone almost twice as old as you, it ain't worth the hassle of trying to attribute this condition to a break-up with a chick. Stop enabling yourself to have excuses and treat the problem, NOT the symptom.

 

Now, I ain't attacking ya man but I have lived through this at close interval and I know what I am saying. So, please do not get your panties in a wad and get all upset at me -- sometimes brutal honesty is the best wake-up call of all. You got lots of support here man, and if you really need to, you can even call me and I'll chat with ya. But, getting help face to face is always the best way.

 

Let me know if I can assist ...

 

 

~ TJ "Yes I am serious and will gladly help you" Conwell

Edited November 1, 2005 by TConwell

[FlyingScooter]

My oldest daughter is bi-polar, and it is a rough road indeed. She constantly forgets her meds, goes buggo for a while, crashes and then finally listens to us and takes her meds.

She hits an up-swing and all's right with the world. She then thinks, 'why do i need these meds?" bam, instant crash in waiting.

I'm a firm believer in tough-love, and TConwell's advice is quite sound.

 

get help, man.

[zongaboy626]

i have a friend and a sister my job is to calm them down

[dandaman]

The suicide part is what kinda jerked me into realization... basically, it's a brain disorder that causes sudden (and severe) mood swings?

 

Wish you could treat it

[Stitch]

It is a brain disorder that causes me to go into server mood changes. The most difficult part of this is, people don't understand that when I am in my bad mood I am not the person I normally am. I am aware of things I do and say but I am not the person I am when I am happy. Most people think the normal side of me can control the bad mood side but I can not. I am going to try to refrain from going in to the chat for a couple of weeks, since I am not able to control myself and other members may have an ignorance as to why I am like that.

[Mind Eraser]

Stitch, you are 19. I am Bipolar and age 18-20 was the worst. If you can just hang in there. Therapy and meds are crucial, I believe. I'm been on many, many different types of meds, since I was 16. I know exactly what you are going through, man.

 

Many Bipolar people turn to unhealthy things (drugs, booze, sex, etc) because they provide temporary relief. I started boozing and smoking pot, and I ended up with an IV heroin addiction. I used to cut and burn my body. This disorder WILL KILL YOU if you don't fight back. One night in 2000, I got supremely despressed and swallowed 300 pills. Another night in 2002, I was so depressed, I violently slashed my wrist. ALL BECAUSE MY MOOD WAS CONSUMING ME. I've hurt everyone in my life, I totaled my car, I got arrested, etc etc.

 

Now I'm on a mood-stabilizer, an anti-depressant, and an anti-psychotic (because many Bipolars experience hallucinations and psychosis). I'm much calmer and stabler now. I really URGE YOU to see a doctor.

 

Oh, and don't let people forget the manias! Running around shaking, spending excessive amounts of cash, getting pierced, tattooed, having compulsive sex. Manias are all about impulsive decisions.

 

Anyway, Stitch, us male Bipolars should stick together. I've only met female Bipolars. A lot of people assume only women can be Bipolar.

 

It's a long, long road, but you gotta fight if you don't want to die. If you want to talk, PM me and I'll give you my contacts.

 

 

-kip-

[TConwell]

Lemme echo what Mind has said man and add something I forgot to above. My wife is bipolar, so I have first hand experience of seeing the effects on the "other" side. PM me if you need anything man, even if it just a sounding board ... there is help available bud ... all you gotta do is ask.

[Stitch]

It is very difficult on me, I will never harm myself or commit suicide but it just hurts my feelings so much that people are so insensitive to my condition. I have been to my Dr. and he has put me on Fluoxetine (Prozac) and Clonazepam (Klonopin). They help me out but it is still here with me. For example I just got back from going to the vet for my cat, the entire way there I was anxious and when we arrived I was too anxious to go in. I felt terrible that I couldn't be there for my cat so I went in and had a couple of panic attacks. While I was having them my Mom was saying "Get up, don't do that" and other ignorant comments to me. This condition is not something I can control like everyone thinks, I do all I can to be the best I can with it but people still don't care.

 

I have a very small group of people I know that actually understand what I am going through, Mind Eraser being the most understanding. I am doing all I can to be stable but people are treating me like I am a liar or some jerk. It's like they are telling a person in a wheel chair to get over it and walk again. I really appreciate the help people are giving but I can't just let myself and my condition be mistreated by others, much love - Eric

[TConwell]

but I can't just let myself and my condition be mistreated by others

Exactly right Eric ... hang in there dude, you have support -- more than you may realize.

 

~TJ

[WalrusMan]

My grandpa's wife's son was Bi-polar, sounds like it was a severe case of it as well. He was on medication but didn't like it. It would take away the depression, but he wouldn't be able to hit his highs anymore. He'd try to get off of it a lot but always go back on because he would plunge into a low time. The one thing that always helped him was hiking, so one time he went off his medication and went hiking. When he didn't come back, a search party found him at the bottom of a cliff. The guess was suicide, and just recently his best friend and now almost an adopted son of my grandpa's wife completed the first "Yo-Yo," walking from Mexico to Canada and back again on the Pacific Crest Trail in once season.

 

All I can say is good luck man, you'll find other girls out there, go clubbing, hang out with friends, even ask for a set up if you feel comfortable with it. Just go out there and have some fun.

[coasterfreak101]

I would say that you definately have alot of support on this board, and you sound like a great guy, so don't do anything to yourself. Coming from someone with anxiety, sometimes it is really hard. I know some of what you're feeling, but there's definately alot more to it than what I can comprehend. If you need to talk, PM me, I can try to help as much as I can.

 

Get better, don't let this ruin you. Get out there and do something. I know that at least for me, doing something (amusement parks for example) helps to keep my mind off of it. So if you can get yourself to do something, it might really be able to help you. Feel better!

 

--Tyler

[pagemaster_b]

I don't have Bi-polar, but I have been dealing with depression for years. I don't take medication, partially because the side effects were causing some problems and partially because anti-depressants are frowned upon in the military. It seems odd (at least to me) that someone with depression would pursue the military--the excessive stress of combat alone carries a heavy toll--but I have found that being in the Army helps me to keep living because I'm just too damn scared to die. Besides, there something about difficult challenges that creats such a wonderful high after it's done.

 

Still, I do have my moments. Alcohol complements my depressed moods, so I try to keep those drunk times as few and far apart as possible. I find that I tend to be impuslive, just to get my mind off thinking, but ignoring problems won't make them go away.

 

One thing I can say that does help: find any reason to laugh. Laughter is the one thing that has helped my depression from being worse than it is. I'm always quick to laugh, and it's pretty loud by what others have said.

 

And remember: The greatest battles aren't fought on battlefields, courtrooms, or in Congress. They aren't fought with weapons, vehicles, computers, or gadgets. No, the greatest battles in life are fought within the walls of your own soul.

[Real]

I think the key here that many are stating is that even though its a disorder, there is an element of control and self will. If you really want to break it you CAN. Its definatly not easy at all but if you dont do anything and dont fight back you wont ever get any closer to breaking it.

 

I suffered a severe depression in my life that drove me to suicidal thoughts when I was age 14-15 but apart from God knocking me back to my senses, it also took me to actually tell myself to stop being depressed. I had to analyze why I was depressed and take the steps (action) to fix it.

 

 

Yes it may be a brain disorder but like alot of disorders out there, I think the first and most crucial part to breaking or treating a disorder is your attitude and your will to conquer it. Meds and treatment only go so far. The mind is extremely powerful and your mind can completely rule you in ways you never knew if you dont control it first. You possess the power to conquer it, it just takes faith and the will.

[Angry_Gumball]

I knew of someone who was bi-polar as one of my friends had a liking for him. I saw one night after a school concert that a comment was made and suddenly, the kid's mood switched, dropped the speakers he was carrying, stormed out of the gym and punched the glass door. Seconds before, he was fine. I did some research on bi-polar disorder and with the way the kid's condition was, my friend didn't want to be in the middle of it.

[Stitch]

It is a very difficult condition, I am trying my best to be as stable as I can. Thank you every member that has commented, it means a lot to me that you actually took the time to read this and not pass it over - Eric

[Louise]

^ It's great that you're trying so hard, the fact that you recognise that your condition can affect the people around you as well as yourself is very important. But if you make the odd slip... People understand, don't ever beat yourself up about it.

 

Wanting to get better, and talking about it, is such a big thing. I know from personal experience that bottling things up inside gets you nowhere. The more you talk about things, the more people will understand and be willing to help you out. Keep fighting.

[Mind Eraser]

Real- I agree with you, to an extent. However, I think you're making it sound a bit too easy. This is a chemical imbalance in one's brain. You can talk yourself up and out only so much. If one can cure themselves of a chemical imbalance through self-guidance and and other related means, well then, they need to teach me how to do it. It's easy to tell yourself not to be depressed, but you're fighting against some f--ked up chemicals telling you otherwise.

 

I don't think it's fair to assume that because you talked yourself out of a depression, that everyone can. Everyone's mental illness is different.

 

There are two types of depression: situational and chemical. Situational is something like, your father dies and you get depressed for months or even years. Dealing with the two types of depression are different routes.

 

Anyway, I just don't want anyone to abandon medical treatment in hopes that they can use positive thinking only. I think to recover from a mental illness, it takes psychotherapy, medication, support, AND positive thoughts.

 

Whew, that was a mouthful, especially for 2am!

[Real]

I was stating that you cant beat it without both mental and chemical (drugs) working. You can take all the drugs you want and maybe you could beat the chemical imbalance but you could just as easily then just slip into a situational which in turn could throw you back into chemical.

 

Just the same as not using drugs will only take you so far.

 

 

I was just meaning to say that you have to go at it with a positive attitude because drugs alone wont work. Just like a positive attitude wont completely work for all people but I do believe it has a huge influence.

 

 

Ive know people with so-called chemical diseases and half of them Ive known beat it without drugs. However, I think its the wisest choice to make sure you keep yourself as positive as possible and keep yourself determined to beat it. Drugs only go so far. Once they do their thing, its up to you.

[Stitch]

My poor mind ...

 

Last night I had one of my very vivid and terrifying nightmares. This one ranged from past friends, to the fear of loosing personal belongings. The worst part of my nightmare was when it turned in to a zombie nightmare. Fighting through very graphic, gory and ruthless Zombies is terrifying. On top of the Zombies there was a part in my dream where another human met up with our group and he was bit. So, he allowed himself to be killed and I had to do it. The most disturbing thing I can think of, I had to kill him by clubbing and it was prolonged and graphic.

 

My dream then took a turn in to running for my life and trying to make it through very cramped and sharp metal corridors. Needless to say I woke up feeling like I was going to be sick. Now I am feeling pretty normal but I can't get the terror out of my head. I feel so alone in this world, I love my friends dearly but I can't help but feel alone, much love - Eric

[Teddymonster]

^^Eric, have you ever considered psycho-therapy before? From one MD to another, it sounds like it would be beneficial to you.

[Stitch]

The problem I have is I wouldn't able to discuss my problems as I would be an anxious mess the entire time

[Teddymonster]

^^You will only truly know if you try. You may not open-up entirely on the first visit, but that is to be expected. It does take time to fully "trust" a therapist and if you (meaning anyone) aren't 100% open with then you might as well save his/her time and yours. I've been in an out of therapy since I was a Teennymonster and its helped. You just have to find someone you can work well with.

[Mind Eraser]

Teddymonster speaks the truth. It took me around five therapists before I found the right one, and now I've been with her almost six years. Don't worry about what to do, or "opening up" the first session. A good therapist will guide you.

 

Also, try and find a therapist who is also a psychiatrist. Most places, you see the therapist X times per month for 45-60 minutes per session -- BUT you only see the meds doctor for 5-10 minutes, once a month. A psychiatrist can't know everything youre going through with some tiny, monthly visit. You need a psychiatrist who specializes in psychotherapy.

 

Eventually, you'll look forward to seeing your doctor. Gives you a chance to vent to someone who won't be judging you.

[Jeezus Juice]

My problem is I dig up animals at the pet cemetary. I can't stop myself. Some nights I try but I'll wake up in the middle of the night wide awake and try to just fall back asleep or just wait for the sun to come up but I just can't and always grab my shovel.

Last night was pretty bad, I just feel I need to talk about it. I locked up my shovel in the garage so I wouldn't be as tempted and for the last few nights it worked pretty good but I couldn't take it last night.

So there I was again at 2:18 in the morning driving down underneath the bridge and snooping around in the dark. My flashlight was dead but the moon was pretty full so I just went off that.

I didn't have my shovel but I found a stick I could use to dig with. The soil was pretty soft last night so I ended up just using my hands and I got down about 2 and a half feet when a tail started to show.

It was kinda dirty but I think it had grey fur. I tried to pull it up but the fur on the tail kept coming off and the skin/bones were really slippery and I couldn't get a good grip on it. I think some roots had grown into it because I could tell it wasn't going to come up in one piece.

 

Oh man the smell was terrible, I don't really know why I do this so much because I hate the smell and the bodies feel all creepy and gross. Most of the time I just grab it and then leave it in the hole and try to cover it up. i haven't thought about it but I'm glad no one has caught me, I'm not sure what I could say.

Sometimes there are some homeless people around in the bushes and under the bridge but they never say anything and I'm out of site most of the time. It's starting to really effect me during the day because I don't get much sleep and my fingers are getting cracked and starting to peel from being wet/cold at night.