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[RCT2] Brookwood Gardens

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Brookwood Gardens is my first attempt to create a moderately realistic-looking park from scratch with moderately realistic-looking coasters and other rides. Although the coasters themselves are and will be the main focus of this park, it also receives awards for its gentle and water rides, which are also showcased in the video.


I will post screenshots of the park every few days, or every week if nobody is paying any attention to the updates.



Most of the 12 coasters can be seen somewhere in the video, but they won't be emphasized in the screenshots until their official individual release. The screenshots, at least in the beginning, will be of all the other various rides and park features. There are several food courts worth mentioning.


Coasters so far (click to download):



Dublin Devil

Frankenstein: The Ride


Industrial Revolution


Oklahoma Rodeo



Smoking Gun

Sugar Rush

Toxic Tower

Edited by Terry Inferno
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Let us enter from the most logical starting point, the park entrance.



The entrance plaza is one of my favorite portions of the park, simply because the building is so distinctive.



Here's what the building looks like from all angles:






But what's a giant building without a ride to place inside of it?



Vampire Villa, if you haven't already figured this out, is a dark ride, similar to Disney's Haunted Mansion ride except with a significantly lower budget.

Since "see-through scenery" is on in that last screenshot, you'll have to use your imagination to depict the scary scenery inside of these walls.


Brookwood Gardens has seven total water rides, and one of them, Old Mill Mishap, can be seen before you enter the park.




This is the oldest water ride in the park, dating back to the early 80s. It isn't elaborately themed and is built fairly conservatively, but its immense popularity helped pave the way for the development of some of the park's most notable coasters. It still maintains its popularity despite not being the most exciting log flume in the park, but more on that later.


Brookwood Gardens is also home to many transport rides, including two sets of double-tracked trams. On the east side of the park, we have the Eastern Tram Lines. This is the northern entrance to the Eastern Tram Lines, which is located directly across from Old Mill Mishap and is just a hop, skip, and a jump away from the park entrance.



We know the log ride is due north, but what is that other water ride due east..?

Edited by Terry Inferno
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One of the many things that the Eastern Tram Lines run past on their scenic longitudinal park tour is one of Brookwood Gardens' many illustrious food courts. The food apparently tastes like cardboard with corn syrup, but the buildings are nice to look at.



Not quite as interesting without scenery, but you can see the variety of food guests may choose from when entering a food court like this one. What you can't see is the B grade signs posted on each shop wall, which is upsetting to the Brookwood Gardens staff because this is the first year they've ever received a grade that high.



A few rides can easily be seen in these aerial photos: Crazy Carousel, which is actually a fairly sane carousel, and the House of Distortion, which is much crazier than the Crazy Carousel. The executives at Brookwood Gardens realized this, and they considered renaming it "Rational Carousel" to reflect its mental stability rather than mislabel it as out of its mind, but ultimately decided after several inconclusive votes that the new name didn't have the same ring to it.


Groundskeeper's Garage is a gentle car ride where riders cruise through an arboretum in miniature 1930's-style convertibles.




For the first years of operation, the cars were gasoline-powered, similar to Disneyland's Autopia, but they weren't manufactured very well and would frequently stall and overheat, causing road rage between riders. Since the ride opened in the late 1950s, road rage consisted of "Goose it or get bent, knucklehead!" followed by the old one-two, so the park management eventually swapped the gasoline power with electric power and changed the ride to move at a fixed speed around the track. It is the oldest of four fixed-speed car rides in the park.


The Brookwood Express track can be seen in these images, as can the Eastern Tram Lines, along with the aforementioned House of Distortion, which can ironically be used as a reference point in relation to the previous screenshots.

You can even spot a glimpse of a go-kart track if you look closely enough.


Jungle Adventure, the second oldest water ride in the park, takes place in--you guessed it--a jungle.




"Jungle Adventure" was not the original name of the ride, but after a passenger died on the ride of unrelated causes, park management felt the name "Watery Grave" was no longer appropriate. The donut shop in the food court across from the ride entrance was closed by the health department as a result following the incident, but reopened two months later after posting an FDA warning and agreeing to eliminate their policy of throwing old, discarded donuts back into the fryer.


When the following photograph was released, conspiracy theorists were all over it. Many who were on low-resolution monitors believed that the light-blue figure at the very bottom of the image near the center was an out-of-this-world visitor.



These viewers were advised to view the image in higher resolution and zoom in on the mysterious figure. When it was revealed that the "extraterrestrial" was just the top of a fountain obscuring a person's entire body except for his head, most of the theories quickly died down. Giorgio Tsoukalos still isn't 100% convinced.

Edited by Terry Inferno
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The location of this fictitious park is Oklahoma, near the Wichita Mountains.


One thing many people in Oklahoma enjoy is go-kart racing, and Overdrive Junction was the first motor speedway built in Brookwood Gardens. A second go-kart track was built on the other side of the park in the late 90s.





Riders have been known to leap from their karts to try and land on the trains that pass underneath the speedway, despite a rule specifically prohibiting it. Some riders leap onto the train tracks when there isn't even a train in sight, which has baffled park management for decades. The covers added to the train cars in 2002 have deterred most of the leapers, although some zealous thrill seekers still jump. Since the covers are made of woven polypropylene with small springs attached, those who land on the train now will bounce off and faceplant into a tree or the fake city hall building.


These mischievous patrons haven't given up yet. Although there is also a rule specifically prohibiting guests from bringing cookies onto the speedway, nobody really checks riders' pockets for cookies anymore, so when a train passes, they throw their cookie and see if they can land it in the train. While some train passengers don't mind baked oatmeal raisin to the back of the head, most of them find it quite irritating, so now all cookies sold in Brookwood Gardens are soft-baked to maximize air resistance and increase the possibility of mid-air disintegration.


Gardener's Revenge is your average Wisdom's Sizzler. The backstory behind this one, which nobody actually reads despite it being posted near the ride entrance, is that a Brookwood Gardens gardener became disgruntled with the way he was treated by management, so he painted a giant weed wacker green and hid it among plants as a trap for wandering guests. Because of the high, overgrown foliage around the ride, it is difficult to see from the Brookwood Express even though it is located right next to the track. According to the backstory, that was part of the gardener's plan. "No one can hear you scream over the sound of plants being trimmed."



As a traditional family fairground ride, it isn't particularly exciting or intense, but its location between the go-kart entrance and a marked railroad/coaster viewpoint have given this ride plenty of customers over the years, which would have been difficult otherwise because the camouflaged ride entrance, exit and queue line have mistakenly convinced many guests that that area was occupied by nothing except overgrown foliage. Not the management's best idea.


Speaking of gardens, slightly further along the path, you will find a Cheshire cat ride known as the Secret Garden. It's so secret, even the handymen forgot about it.



If you continue and pass under the railway bridge, you'll come to Sub Tours, which is, for all intents and purposes, a submarine ride. The submarines are so safe, riders are guaranteed via a short film at the beginning that they probably won't drown.




Frequently asked question: Why is there no sub sandwich shop outside of sub tours? That would be hilarious!

Frequently answered answer: There used to be one, but it was eventually demolished for safety reasons. Since sub sandwiches resemble submarines, and they're named after submarines, many guests thought they were the same thing, so they would purchase sandwiches and dive into the water with them thinking that that was what the submarine ride was.


In the background, the Brookwood Circus can be seen, which consists of two amateur acrobats and three guys who sometimes dress like clowns.

Edited by Terry Inferno
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Glad you like it! Some areas of the park have more buildings than others. The entrance plaza has the big one with the dark ride, the wild west area on the south side of the park has a whole string of them, and the historic section that you're about to see has a few of its own, just to name a few. Even in this week's update, not even half of the park will have been shown thus far.


Before venturing west, we must head back east just for a moment to admire Brookwood Gardens' historic section, built in the early 30s along with the first and oldest surviving roller coaster.



The only other surviving ride from that era is the Crazy Slide, which is the second oldest ride in the park, dating back to 1931. The other two, which were famously rough and unsafe, were replaced in the early 80s with newer, more modern rides: the old rusty ferris wheel with the loose nails sticking out of the seats was replaced with Santa Maria, a pirate ship ride themed after Christopher Columbus and how he was such a bad sea captain that he couldn't even keep his ship on a horizontal axis, and Whirligig, the "crack-the-whip" ride with the uncooperative restraints, was replaced with an enterprise of the same name, which averages 45% fewer blackouts and 70% fewer concussions annually than the original Whirligig did.


The pink roller coaster you see in the background is not the oldest roller coaster in the park. That one was built a decade later, then closed down in the early 60s due to fire damage and repeated incidents of the train flying off the track. In the 80s, it was rebuilt with a steel track, steel supports, and actual brakes, and since then, the train has only flown off the track a handful or two of times.


The large building that looks like it could be a train station is a train station. More specifically, it's the northern entrance to the Brookwood Express. The southern entrance is on the other side of the lake.




One ride operator thought it would be faster to derail the train and cut across the lake, so he attempted to do this with riders onboard. While he would have been correct had the train doubled as a speedboat, unfortunately it didn't, so 30 riders and one idiot train operator ended up soaking wet. Even though the train was only 10 feet from land when it completely submerged, and the water was no deeper than that, 12 riders lost their lives in this incident. When the train submerged, they believed they were on the submarine ride, so they sat and waited patiently for the ride to end. The haunted house, seen in the second image, is dedicated to these guests and was originally called "The 12 Ghosts of Brookwood Lake" before some of their relatives found out and deemed it inappropriate.


The blue building is the bumper car ride. The cleverly named "Bumper Cars" is the fourth oldest of 55 rides currently operating, dating back to 1941.



The original cars were replaced in 1972 after someone drove a real car onto the floor, which, despite being completely illegal, wasn't technically a violation of the ride's rules. There were no injuries following the incident, but the bumper cars were all totaled, and the guy ran out of gas during the ride, so he was escorted off the property with a first place trophy, even though bumper cars don't generally award winners. When he got to the park entrance, he refused to leave, so four employees had to lift him up and throw him through the gate, with one of them violently shaking his index finger and yelling, "And stay out!" before slamming the turnstile.


The cars were replaced again in 2007 when the exact same thing happened again. Even though security was much tighter and they possessed 21st century technology, this driver didn't run out of gas, and the Segways driven by security were no match for the errant driver's Prius, so he took his winning trophy to go and sped off into the night, never to be seen again. Even though hundreds witnessed this event, nobody wrote down the plate number because everyone assumed that someone else had already written it down. Park management still can't figure out why two different ride operators from different decades happened to have first place trophies lying around on a ride that doesn't award first place, or why they both awarded them to people who wrecked all the bumper cars and endangered the lives of hundreds of guests.


The beige building with the tan window panes is the park's oldest food court. After a funnel cake fire destroyed the original building in 1953, this one was built in its place.



To commemorate the early days of Brookwood Gardens, the food stands originally served old food, but the health department eventually stepped in and said, "No, you can't do that."


Heading west again, we see a large, over-sized building with multiple double-tracked rides emerging from both above and below the main entrance to the building.



The ride crawling out from underneath the entrance is the double-tracked Western Tram Line, which transports guests who are too lazy to walk--but have no problem standing in line for 15 minutes--from the north end of the park to the south end of the west side of the park, and vice-versa.


The ride spewing from the roof is the equally double-tracked Sky Sailor, which is a standard sky ride that gives guests an aerial view of the west side of the park, which many guests will tell you is better than the east side of the park. However, some guests say that the east side of the park is better than the west side, which has thus resulted in a long-standing feud between east side and west side guests.




Without the scenery, one can see that this dark building that smells like old mixed vegetables has been thoughtfully laid out, allowing multiple entrance and exit paths to maximize queue space within the building. One can also see from the tram entrance paths how seriously handymen take their jobs on this side of the park.

Edited by Terry Inferno
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Looking back, I probably should have added more ground shrubbery in certain places, but I'm glad the tree arrangements turned out as nicely as I had planned them to look.




Following the tracks in a southerly direction--or if you're a milquetoast, the path--you'll stumble across a large, gray castle overlooking the Western Tram Lines and Brookwood Express tracks.



If you find your way inside the castle, you'll see two parallel miniature golf courses, the Knight's Course and the equally stimulating Nobleman's Course.



Originally, the two "racing" minigolf courses were not built within the castle walls, but out in the open with only a few medieval-themed pieces of scenery around them. After a decade of operation, park management found four reasons why higher walls were a non-negotiable requirement.


1. Guests would intentionally try to hit their golf balls into the passing trains and trams. Brookwood Express didn't always have covered train cars, so golf balls had no trouble flying in and smacking innocent riders on the head. Even the buffoons chucking cookies from go-karts caused fewer injuries than these reckless putters.

2. Guests would try and hit other guests, who would be walking on the nearby path, with golf balls. If they missed, they would often become upset and hurl their golf clubs at the unsuspecting guests, which allowed for a higher rate of accuracy in both contact and injuries.

3. Guests on the Knight's Course, which is located only 5 feet from the Western Tram Line tracks, would take their clubs and give passing trams a friendly BANG BANG BANG and sometimes try and throw their golf balls, or often chicken nuggets, through the tram windows. Glass windows were also added to the trams shortly thereafter.

4. Guests would accidentally hit their golf balls off the course and run onto the track or dive into the lake to retrieve them. While they remembered that the Brookwood Express only moved in one direction, most of them forgot that the trams could come from either direction, so the Western Tram Lines hold the world record for most people accidentally hit by a single tram system in an amusement park. Since they're slow-moving vehicles, only 34 in 127 cases have been fatal,* ranking it as only the #4 cause of death within Brookwood Gardens behind drowning, food poisoning, and people jumping off Sky Sailor to try and hitch a ride on the train.


On the other side of the path, another food court can be seen. In the spirit of the medieval theme, the food stands serve what they claim were the three most popular foods during the Middle Ages: chicken nuggets, cotton candy, and canned sodas.


* This does not include guests who jumped off Sky Sailor and were subsequently run over by the tram.




Across the path from the castle sits another car ride, Countryside Exhibition.




Situated between two roller coasters, this electric-driven automobile ride built in the early 90s is themed after Formula One racing cars casually cruising on a wilderness road. While the theme may be lackluster enough on its own, the park was also unable to receive permission to use the "Formula One" name, so the name doesn't appear anywhere on the ride. Instead, the cars are painted with the brands they could afford to license, which consist solely of the various logos from the Brookwood Gardens food stands.


The ride has one rule distinct from the other car rides: don't climb the walnut trees. An incident occurred in 2001 where a guest climbed a walnut tree and flung walnuts at the riders as they passed. Park management suspected vehement squirrels at first, so the guest remained in the tree and continued his nut-slinging escapade for six straight weeks before complaints prompted security to investigate. A surveillance system was added shortly after the incident with cameras pointed at every walnut tree, but unfortunately this still left blind spots. The same guest returned a month later, climbed a laburnum tree, and dumped fizzy drinks on the passing riders. Park management found the complaints strange, but still suspected squirrels and decided not to investigate, as they didn't want to take any chances against the rising soda profits. When the guest ran out of money, he derailed one of the cars and tried to pawn it at the soda stand, but they wouldn't accept it, and he was promptly escorted out of the park. The rider in the derailed car, while pleased with the excitement, complained that he didn't get to finish the course and demanded a free ride. Since all rides are free upon admission, park management amicably granted the request.




You mustn't let the statistics lead you to believe that this park is a death trap. Most guests who visit Brookwood Gardens come out alive. As long as you follow the rules, don't jump from one ride to another, and stay out of the water, there's a 98% chance you'll survive. You probably also shouldn't eat the food.


Adjacent to the large castle, you'll see a small, brown building topped with a tower. The tower is where Rapunzel lives, and we call her that because A. We don't know her real name, B. She won't tell us her real name, and C. Her hair is obscenely long as a result of living in a tower for 17 years. Even though she climbed up there in 1998, security hasn't attempted to get her down because the roof is lined with pigeon spikes, and they don't want their toes to get hurt. Since she made the tower her home, she has screamed obscene language at the passing guests--which has evolved into almost complete gibberish--and in return, they try and hit her with food. This is the method she uses for survival, and it gets her at least one meal nearly every day. Even if she remained completely silent, probability states that, with the amount of food thrown in Brookwood Gardens, she'd probably get a free lunch two or three times a week. Brookwood Gardens does not and has never discouraged guests from throwing food. Since 72% of the park's profits come from food purchased for projectile usage, they have every reason to encourage it.


In addition to being home to an incoherent old hermit, the small building is also a docking platform for jet skis. Going with the medieval theme again, the jet skis were once painted to look like horses, complete with reins, saddles, and horse heads (fake of course), but guests tried to ride them on land and subsequently complained that they were defective, so the equine additions were removed, and the jet skis were repainted to look like jet skis.



Sky Sailor continues to assert its dominance by remaining higher and therefore mightier than all the other non-roller coasters around it, while the roller coasters look on from the sidelines, unimpressed.




When riders enter one of the support towers and they see an empty car approaching, often they'll jump out of their seats and try and land in it. It's considered "safe" because if they miss, at least this time they only have three feet of falling in store for them, and when another empty car approaches--they aren't hard to come by due to reasonably low ridership and other people leaping from their cars--they can hitch a ride towards the other tower and attempt the stunt again. Guests will line up and jump back and forth between towers for hours, which usually isn't a safety hazard unless six or seven of them jump onto a car at once and it comes crashing down. The first time this happened, the car landed on the tracks directly in front of an approaching tram, which, upon running the car over, caused the tram to derail and coast into the small lake, knocking a rider off his jet ski. Nobody on the tram was seriously injured, but the brakes were seriously damaged as a result of the incident. This is why, while the tram on the other track enters the station slowly and carefully, this one charges in like a wrecking ball and jolts riders out of their seats when it comes to a stop.


Can you spot both handymen in the final screenshot?

Edited by Terry Inferno
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  • 3 weeks later...

The "New screenshots every Wednesday" policy will return to normal eventually, if anyone is actually reading any of this, which I doubt many people are these days. For the few proud Brookwood fans, here is an update with a lot of words.


Nature Cruise is one of the eight water rides located in Brookwood Gardens. We had previously said that there were seven water rides because we tend to leave this one out.




Out of all the water rides in the park, this one has the distinction of being the only one where riders don't get wet. Some executive members initially argued that the whole point of a water ride was to get wet--they were the same people who added squirting mechanisms to the submarine ride to simulate pipes bursting underwater--but it was inexpensive to build, and they needed a new ride to distract guests from the unfinished roller coaster that had been heavily advertised and then delayed for the third year in a row due to budget constraints.


Park management should have foreseen that, since the ride was dirt cheap, the experience was dirt. The entire ride consists of sitting in wooden rafts, which slowly cruise around a meandering track filled with water, and looking at trees. No other scenery, just trees. While it sounds peaceful and calming, guests have stated that so is sitting on a park bench, and that they'd rather look at the panoramic view any bench has to offer than to sit in a sluggish raft that smells like turnips and drift through murky water with dead rodents floating in it. Sometimes the rodents in the water aren't completely dead, and they gather up enough energy to climb up onto the raft and die on a rider. Then there are the aggressive ducks who claim the water as their home and attack anyone who dares challenge this fact, and occasionally a group of hornets will build their nest in or atop one of the rafts. It's all part of the experience.


In 2007, a pine tree fell on the ride and crushed two riders. The ride was closed, and the scene was investigated to determine why the tree had fallen. The following day, the tree had already been removed and the wood had disappeared, which baffled park management. It was discovered later that a man whom security believed to be an entertainer dressed as a lumberjack was an actual lumberjack who had cut down the tree and harvested the wood. It was reported that he sold some of the wood to a chainsaw carver, who turned it into a beautiful statue of a grizzly bear, which currently greets hungry patrons at a steakhouse a few miles from the park. As they always do, the families of the two victims found out about the bear, so he was renamed "Steve" after his original name "Killer" was deemed inappropriate.


Nature Cruise has the lowest ridership out of any ride in the park, averaging fewer than 10 guests per day, and has been voted Brookwood Gardens' worst ride every year since it opened. In 2014, it celebrated its 17th consecutive win, and surpassed the trampoline in the tool shed as the worst ride in Brookwood Gardens history. There would be more screenshots of it, but the photographer was fired for taking pictures of this lousy ride immediately after he captured the second image.




Speaking of awful, further along the path, we find ourselves at another food court. If Brookwood Gardens has taught us anything, it's that people will buy anything as long as it's sold in a pretty building.




Out of all the food courts Brookwood Gardens has to offer, this one is unique because it's the only one with a ride running through it. Sky Sailor, which, according to Sky Sailor, has to be a part of everything, casually strolls through the top floor of the building. Guests have not missed out on this opportunity. When riders approach the floored area, they will often jump from their cars and try to race the car they were in to the other side and hop in at the very last second, which is easy to do because the cars don't have restraints. Some of the overzealous yet nonathletic guests, after failing to reach their car while its still over the platform, will leap from the platform to try and catch the back of the car, only to catch the top of the ground or the front of the pole instead. In the spirit of George of the Jungle, the closest support has a sign on it that says "Watch out for that pole!", but it has been ultimately an ineffective warning, as those who jump from that side have a difficult time avoiding the pole while in midair, as admirable as their attempts may be.



From the back, diners are rewarded with a beautiful vista of a pond, which was built mainly to keep the ducks out of Nature Cruise. Many of these aquatic birds have relocated to this pond, and as a result, before the windows were added, guests would feed the ducks from the food court. This harmless feeding turned to target practice with chicken bones, so dark glass panes were added shortly after the pond was added. Guests still try to feed the ducks and try to hit them with discarded food, but because of the darkened, reinforced glass, which has led many guests to believe that they're merely feeding the ducks at night, the projectile nourishment never makes its way anywhere near the pond.



The food court is sometimes referred to as "Triple F" because of the three items they sell: fries, fried chicken, and lemonade. Rumor has it that the moniker also surfaced because all three food stands would frequently receive that letter as a grade after inspection, but records can confirm that two out of three of these eating establishments have never received anything lower than a D. However, upon sampling food from all three eateries, one can figure out right away which one regularly receives the lowest of letters. The majority of guests will tell you that the fries are stale and the lemonade has been severely watered down, but the fried chicken is in a class all its own.


The process of cooking the chicken is considered unique. While unique is often a good thing, sometimes it isn't. The chickens used are all free-range chickens, stolen from sustainable farms by trained livestock thieves. Brookwood Gardens employs more livestock thieves than they do handymen and ride mechanics combined, which is an unfair statistic because many of the ride mechanics and handymen work as livestock thieves at night. While they used to snatch the birds from factory farms, animal rights groups protested until the poultry bandits agreed to only purloin fowl that are allowed to run free. Stolen chicken is said to taste better than earned chicken, but this may be nothing more than an old adage, as there is no way of knowing whether these pilfered birds are diseased or otherwise unfit for human consumption. With the standard of hygiene demonstrated by the park's culinary staff, all the birds might as well be diseased.


Outside of the amusement park business, the Brookwood Gardens corporation makes most of its money in the honey industry. Honey has been the driving force keeping the park alive and safe from bankruptcy and serious lawsuits. As a byproduct of this sweet, delicious elixir, the chicken is fried in bee oil. When asked what "bee oil" was in an interview, a Brookwood Gardens executive explained that it's extracted using a process called "juicing the bee", which is a patented process that involves harvesting dead bees and "mining" them for oil. Since none of these insects live forever, it's considered a sustainable method and has been commended by local environmental organizations, though never by the health department.


To give the vendor more time to sell the chicken and stand motionlessly in front of the register for hours at a time, all the chicken is fried in the morning before the park opens. The excess chicken that hasn't been purchased is left out overnight and resold the next day. Sometimes, when the clerk working the stand is tossing the chicken into the hot fryer from ten feet away, which has somehow evolved into standard procedure, one or two pieces will hit the rim of the fryer and bounce into one of the paper food trays. When the trays are filled one by one with fried chicken, the clerk will see that one is already occupied with the uncooked chicken and think nothing of it, resulting in one guest every few weeks receiving a piece of totally uncooked chicken. This food stand holds the park record for food-related fatalities, and one of them even prompted the health department to shut the stand down temporarily. When you serve chicken that hasn't been cooked at all, and you kill the health inspector, attracting customers becomes increasingly difficult. When it happens twice, it becomes virtually impossible. Only in Brookwood Gardens can you kill one patron on the spot and have the next guy in line order the exact same thing. We're thankful for our loyal, birdbrained customers.



Several lemon trees have made the area surrounding the pond their permanent home. These trees are the source of the lemons used to make all the lemonade sold in the park all year. Since there are only about fifteen of these trees, very few lemons are used to concoct the mostly organic lemonade available year-round. The main ingredient is water, and by "main ingredient" we mean that the vats are filled with water from a garden hose and one lemon is squeezed into each of them. Several pounds of refined sugar are added, followed by a touch of yellow food dye to create the illusion that it's lemonade. A similar process is used to make the french fries.



Adjacent to the lush forest pond and across the path from the Rocky Mountains lies Egypt, which, in Brookwood Gardens, consists of a whole car ride.



Built in 2001, Pyramid Pickups was squeezed into an unoccupied 10x12 space, in RCT2 measurements, which, in the 1960s, was home to a wooden Wild Mouse roller coaster called "Wild Mouse". After a few years of operation, a rodent infestation caused the ride to close, ironically citing wild mice as the reason for closing Wild Mouse. An exterminator was hired, and his initial approach was to "smoke them out" by lighting pieces of firewood with lighter fluid and throwing them at the roller coaster. His method worked, and every wild mouse was burned to a crisp, including the large one made of wood. So, for over 30 years, the space was unoccupied, disregarding the man who was raised by wolves. His name is Richard.



The pyramid was actually built in 1998, as was the building with the rooftop sphinx that formerly housed a small cafe serving traditional Egyptian cuisine, which is what Brookwood Gardens claimed King Tut's Deep Dish Pizza was. Ancient astronaut theorists flocked after seeing photographs of this pyramid and claimed that it was built by aliens to serve an unknown purpose, while citing the immaculate construction and lack of tool marks as evidence to support their theory. It was actually built by a guy named Steve, who took the construction comments as compliments, but the theorists brushed this off as "mainstream archaeology" even though there is documented proof that Steve and his crew constructed it in 1998, including some video footage of them building it.


To symbolize the construction of the pyramid, management built a ride honoring the contractors. Guests ride in red pickup trucks, which all bear the logo of Steve's company, while they drive around the pyramid and pretend that they're transporting building supplies around the pyramid construction site. Photographs of Steve, his red truck, and construction workers building the pyramid line the walls of the station to show riders who the true architects of the Brookwood Pyramid were. Not extra-terrestrials. Not ancient Egyptians. Steve.



Since the ride uses pickup trucks as cars, naturally some problems arose. Since security doesn't pay much attention to this corner of the park, especially this ride, guests would frequently climb the stone walls and jump in the back of the trucks to hitch a ride to an unknown destination, which was usually the station. Sometimes these guests would take it a step further and "hijack" one of the trucks, threatening the current rider and forcing him or her out of the vehicle. These hijackings would occur once or twice a week, so without putting up any signs, management installed an electric fence atop the limestone walls that will deliver a 10,000-volt shock to anyone who attempts to enter the premises. Now the only successful hijackers are the ones who manage to scale the sphinx building and jump down onto the adjacent colonnade ruins, but these incidents only occur every few months, so the executives ultimately determined that preventing them would be "just another waste of company funds".


Stay tuned next week to see a roller coaster.

Edited by Terry Inferno
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  • 3 weeks later...

For the minuscule amount of Brookwood Gardens fans anxiously awaiting the arrival of roller coasters, the wait is partially over. Here we find three of the fabulous twelve roller coasters currently operating in Brookwood Gardens.


To download, simply click on the name of the roller coaster, which is in huge font and very hard to miss.








Constructed in 1930, Rambler was the first ride built in Brookwood Gardens, and is therefore the oldest standing ride in the park. Although it isn't the fastest coaster you'll come across within these gates, its rickety and unpredictable layout has rivaled those of other notable coasters from its era such as the Crystal Beach Cyclone.




The property owner, who is now the CEO and still owns the park after 86 years, designed this rickety ride with the help of none other than John A. Miller. Not John A. Miller the roller coaster architect, but John A. Miller the local lumber thief, who would loot lumber yards late at night and sell the wood. Due to the onset of the Great Depression, most of his former customers could no longer afford to purchase the wood at the prices he demanded, so the owner paid him 12 dollars to steal the wood and build the coaster, with the help of a gang of disgruntled architects who were wanted in seven states for building illegally. The gang, including Miller, was caught the following year while constructing a windmill on a baseball field, so the world never saw another coaster built by John A. Miller and his crew.



Despite its horribly unsafe construction and the safety standards that didn't exist at the time or were completely ignored, Rambler holds the distinction of being one of only three roller coasters in Brookwood Gardens history to boast a zero-fatality record. You may lose your voice screaming, or your neck may hurt for two weeks, but when you ride Rambler, chances are, you won't die.





Sugar Rush




The second roller coaster to open in Brookwood Gardens, the first Sugar Rush opened in 1940. The original track and supports were made of wood, and it originally ran single cars instead of seven-car trains. The property owner designed the track upon request, and construction rights were granted to the craftsmen in exchange for all of the profits, which the property owner didn't initially think would work but was quite pleased when it did.




It was constructed by a group of loutish bobsledders who wanted their own bobsled track but could not find a good one in the state of Oklahoma. It was not built by engineers or anyone who knew anything at all about physics, and this was made obvious when, during the initial testing phase, the bobsled car didn't make it up the first hill. Since the sledders were as stubborn as they were terrible with physics, they greased the track with pomade in an attempt to speed the train up. Surprisingly, it worked, and during the following test, the train flew up the first hill and right off the track. Instead of just using less pomade, they sprinkled sugar along the track in the hopes that the friction would keep the train from flying off again. Despite everything we know today about physics, it worked like a charm, and the instances of train leaving track were decreased just enough to open the ride to the public.




In 1962, a maintenance worker accidentally poured kerosene on the track instead of sugar, and, realizing that he had poured sugar into all of the park's 19th century English lamps (Brookwood Gardens always ran on a budget), lit a cigarette while he sat on the track and contemplated his foolish blunder. The entire track went up in flames, and the maintenance worker, MacKay D. Burns, was immortalized as "Crispy MDB", with a nearby restroom named in his honor.




In 1985, a safer version of the old track was rebuilt using steel, and the remaining wooden supports were refurbished with steel supports added. The original method of slowing the train down was to add more sugar to the "brake" areas, but the state, the IAAPA, and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms all stepped in and demanded that actual brakes be installed in the new track. Since the ride reopened, the train has only flown off the track 12 times, compared to 51 times in its original 22-year run. Sugar is still sprinkled on the track to keep the tradition in place, and the number of guests run over by the trains while attempting to lick the sugar off the track remains at the same eight it was in 1962, thanks to the placement of a heavily armed security guard. The three patrons who tried specifically to lick pomade off the track between 1951-1958 luckily never made contact with a bounding bobsled.





Toxic Tower




Toxic Tower is one of the park's newest roller coasters, and was designed specifically to fit into a small space because the park essentially ran out of open land on which to build roller coasters. This is why, even though it's the second fastest coaster in the park, it looks like it was shipped in a box from China with some assembly required. It was actually assembled onsite by B&M--two unemployed guys from Tulsa named Bob & Marvin--and tested for the very first time with riders in the cars. The tests were successful and no injuries were sustained.




While most dive coasters have only one vertical drop, Toxic Tower pushes the coaster type to new limits with four. Brookwood Management didn't feel that four 90-degree drops were enough to attract the interest of today's roller coaster enthusiast, so they added one of the most interesting and exciting roller coaster elements in existence, a vertical loop. Advertising the loop proved to be the ace in the hole, as in its first week, the ridership exceeded one billion. The revenue from the tickets was spent on corn dogs for the staff and turned from a profit to a loss by the end of the month.




Despite the fact that the fictional setting for this ride is a cyanide factory, many guests have questioned the authenticity of the toxicity of the coaster and have veered off the path to lick the track. However, Brookwood Gardens believes in authenticity whenever possible, so they mix cyanide into the paint. Most of the naysayers who don't believe that the ride is as toxic as they say it is don't find out how wrong they are until it's too late. Then there's the occasional connoisseur, who is well aware of the cyanide content of the paint but doesn't believe the poison will live up to their standards. Often, management will hear "Simply dreadful" or "No, this won't do" before they see a guest faceplant two feet from the track. These facts are the reason why this coaster is often considered the deadliest in the park, despite a complete lack of onride fatalities disregarding riders who jump out of the tower to try to beat the train.




Despite the many lawsuits that arise, guests and management find the lethality of the ride appropriate. It is Toxic Tower, after all.


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No new coasters will be released for the remainder of this month, so the standard updates will continue to continue.


The Western Tram Lines would not function as an amusement park ride with just one station, and management realized after the ride had operated for only three months, so they built the second station in a region known as quasi-Egypt, which looks almost Egyptian enough to possibly be affiliated with Egypt but not quite enough like Egypt to be labeled as Egyptian. The only part of the park that's officially recognized as Egyptian is the ride that runs red American pickup trucks around a large, empty building built by a guy named Steve that has a 10,000-volt electric fence around it.



Upon exiting or before entering this station, one will see a pool on each side of the building. This is because the station suffers from OCD and demanded perfect symmetry within certain proximity. The pools are used for employee swimming lessons, which are mandatory for all employees since thousands of people drown in this park annually. Before the swimming lessons were mandatory, the numbers were in the tens of thousands, so the Brookwood executives like to think they're making a difference by reducing the numbers just enough to make it look like they're making a difference. Occasionally, a guest will hop the fence, jump into the pool, and drown during an employee swimming lesson. When Brookwood Gardens passed the mandatory swimming lesson rule, the only employees they could afford to have teach the courses were existing employees who had never been in a pool, so they were given books about swimming and told to memorize whatever they could. As a result, these employees know how to swim, but they can't physically swim, so it's up to the student to save any guest who cannonballs into the water and doesn't come back up. The guests who survive are the lucky ones who dive in close to the end of an employee's training, while the unlucky ones fly in during the beginner phase. All swimmers in training are given kickboards, but unfortunately they interpret the name literally and use them to kick the drowning guests, which they think is correct. This is why eighteen percent of all guests who drown in Brookwood Gardens annually drown in one or both of these pools even though the water is only two and a half feet deep.


Across the path, guests are greeted with traditional Egyptian items: life-sized plastic dinosaurs, which can also be seen from the trams. On that same path, on each side of the small bridge, two horsemen statues can be seen. These were built to symbolize the olden days when, before the trams were built, men rode horses on the tracks.



Wagon Wheel, a Ferris wheel, is just a hop, skip, and a topple from the tram station. The Wild West makes up the entire southernmost portion of the park, and this portion is the furthest west, though not quite as far west as the Middle East. This chunk of the Wild West is known as the Rocky Mountains, which also includes a wooden roller coaster, a river rapids ride, and a pirate-themed log ride for some reason.



Wagon Wheel opened in 1976, and people actually noticed in the following year. Ridership was not only low, but the existence of the ride actually decreased attendance significantly because people believed that, after seeing pictures of a giant wagon wheel, they were convinced there was a giant wagon somewhere waiting for the right time to run everybody over. This consternation cost Brookwood Gardens so much in revenue that they finally built a giant wagon with three wheels just outside the park and explained to guests that it had crashed many years ago and was no longer a threat to the general population. This reassurance brought the attendance level to a record high in 1978 since it also brought in guests who had suspected a giant wagon was on the loose years before the construction of Wagon Wheel began.


This Ferris wheel is one of the safest rides in the park, having only killed guests on one occasion when the wheel detached from the support towers and rolled around the park. Out of the 137 guests flattened, only nineteen were flattened to death. Following the incident, engineers improved the strength of the connection, and since then, the wheel hasn't strayed away from home. Occasionally it refuses to rotate due to the 27 tons of scotch tape on each end of the axle, so guests will sometimes remain marooned at the top of the wheel for several weeks at a time, but none have ever starved to death due to the amount of food thrown in Brookwood Gardens on a daily basis.

Edited by Terry Inferno
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Hey, don't be discouraged by the lack of comments. I am sure you have plenty of lurkers that do appreciate what you are doing. I just caught myself up on all of this right now and I appreciate your ridiculous sense of humor. You have a knack for storytelling.

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  • 2 weeks later...

It's great to see that someone is actually reading the narration. The weekly updates should continue again, and there are still eight coasters left ready for release within the next few months--all of which will have their own unique story.


Barracuda opened in 2001, and was originally set to be built by B&M.



However, they charged more than park management was willing to spend--about 10 times as much--so they went with H&M instead. Not the popular clothing store, but Hall & Mongoose, which consisted of a guy named John Hall and a mongoose.




Somehow, the two of them built the entire coaster in just 45 minutes. Aside from a few wheels falling off the trains during the initial tests due to misuse of scotch tape, almost nothing went wrong before the ride was opened to the public that same day, and there were only two fatalities before the ride opened including the mongoose, whose name was also John Hall.




The coaster is named after the deadly fish, which lives in the lake that the ride overlooks. The name is appropriate because A) It's known for successfully preying on larger roller coasters by ripping off chunks of track and B) About 8 percent of the riders are barracudas. They don't prey on guests, but they don't pay admission, so they're not considered legal patrons. At first, ride operators would see them and say "Get back in the lake!" and it would work, but eventually the barracudas would initially refuse, so all Barracuda ride operators were required to carry swords. Since weapons are expensive in the lake, only the wealthiest of barracudas could afford to carry them, so this reduced ridership to about 4 percent fish.




Eventually, ride operators stopped carrying swords due to rampant pacifism, so ridership jumped up to about 35 percent. This is when management built the electric fence between the coaster and the lake, which reduced ridership to the 8 percent it is today, as only the barracudas who are smart enough to go around the fence, minus the ones the train runs over, make it onto the ride.




Brookwood Express holds the world record for most fish run over by a single ride, with 271,684 as of February 2016.





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  • 2 weeks later...

The park will be up for download before the end of the year, but there are seven coasters left to release after today's release.

As for the narration, I'm always appreciative of those who read it because, by the time this project is fully finished, I will have spent more time writing about it than building it.


Happy St. Patrick's Day from Brookwood Gardens!




In the early 80s, management had designed a basic layout for a small looping coaster and wanted to hire Anton Schwarzkopf and his team to build it. Unfortunately, but nonetheless very predictably, his fee was significantly higher than what the park executives were willing to spend. The man who took the job was an Irish roller coaster manufacturer by the name of O'Shaughnessy, who was not only the spitting image of Schwarzkopf, but used identical coaster-building techniques.




Because of this striking resemblance in both appearance and roller coaster engineering, both he and his rides were almost always mistaken for Schwarzkopf and his creations respectively. It's estimated by some sources that close to 20 Schwarzkopf coasters were actually built by O'Shaughnessy, but nobody has been able to prove this theory or identify exactly which coasters he built, so he is only credited with building one roller coaster.



Fed up with the entire world mistaking him for the German engineer, O'Shaughnessy painted the coaster's loops and trains, which both come in a set of three, after the three colors of the Irish flag, and he named it after his home town so that everyone would know that the man who built the coaster was Irish. These decisions did pay off, but not in the way that he had initially hoped. When he stood near the ride exit, impressed patrons would shake his hand and say "You've really outdone yourself this time, Mr. O'Schwarzkopf!"




Before this ride was built, the space was occupied by a WWII fighter jet that had flown the wrong way and took a nosedive into the ground and burned down all the surrounding trees. In 1967, another WWII fighter jet crashed into the remains of the first jet when the pilot allegedly discovered that he was flying his plane 22 years too late, saw the crashed plane and tried to land on it, believing it was an incredibly small landing strip. This still doesn't explain why he tried to land directly on top of the other plane. Regardless, all the remains were buried in 1972 when a meteor landed on them. Archaeologists, WWII historians, and the Department of Consumer Affairs excavated the entire area to salvage all parts of the missing planes, which they should have just done before the meteor landed but never got around to it. Since the meteor landed within the park's boundaries, it was legally the park's to sell, so, after nearly 50 years of using the lake as the park's main source of fresh drinking water, they built an underground reservoir after most of the archaeologists had cleared out of the area and covered it with concrete and, on the surface, top quality dune sand imported from the Sahara Desert. Both decisions turned out to be beneficial, as salmonella-related deaths went down 90% from the previous year, and the roller coaster won "Best Sand" at the 1983 Roller Coaster Terrain Awards (or "Terry" awards for short).





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  • 2 weeks later...

With the release of the 6th roller coaster, G-Launcher, we at Brookwood Gardens can officially say we're halfway done with showcasing this project. The coaster get better from here, we assure you. Well, almost.



After their first successful coaster release of the 21st century, management realized that, in order to keep up with current roller coaster trends, the next coaster they built would have to be a launched roller coaster. Initially, they had hired Vekoma to construct the track, but they quickly vetoed the offer when they found out that they would literally be working for peanuts.




Instead, the track was built by Jicama, which was a small ride manufacturing company based in Mexico and founded by an engineer/yam farmer named Pachyrhizus Erosus, an immigrant from Ancient Rome.





In addition to the LIM-powered launch, which was originally planned to be at 75 MPH, the initial layout contained three inversions, it had one of the most spectacular stations in the world, and the original name for the ride was "H-Launcher". The "H" stood for Hydrogen, which is the power source management proposed Jicama use when building the launch system.





One thing we know from roller coaster history is, any time a ride manufacturer builds a roller coaster for the first time, something bursts into flames, and considering that Jicama was really more of an agricultural firm than a ride manufacturing company, and that Mr. Erosus was really more of a tulip than a ride engineer, this attempt was no exception. The first hydrogen launch caused the station to blow up massively and the train cars to disconnect and spew out in various directions. While four of the train cars landed in the lake, two of them simply did not. One of them fell onto Overdrive Junction and had just enough momentum to win the current race by half a second. The other landed directly in front of an oncoming Brookwood Express train, where it was pushed around the park all week without anyone really noticing, except for one go kart driver who leapt from his kart prematurely and landed in the empty train car. The explosion actually saved his life, as had the train car not been there, he would have landed directly in front of the oncoming train. Regardless, since the car was pushed around the park for an entire week, the coaster holds the second place trophy for most fish runover by a single ride due to the barracudas who try and cross the track.






After the explosion, hydrogen power was deemed too unsafe for the ride, but seeing the train fragments burst in such a volatile manner reminded management of a grenade, so the ride was renamed "G-Launcher" in honor of grenade launchers. Since the restraints were badly damaged in the fire, the inversions were removed and the launch speed was reduced to 59 MPH, and the power source was shifted from unsafe hydrogen to a much cleaner source of energy, nuclear power. The small, man-made reservoir underneath the ride is used to keep the reactors cool enough to operate the world's only nuclear-powered roller coaster without melting down all of Brookwood Gardens and the surrounding area.



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  • 2 weeks later...

Coaster number 7, Oklahoma Rodeo, is the 7th coaster.




Just like the old adage states "Everything's bigger in Texas", park management deduced that the inverse must be true in Oklahoma. So if a cowboy-themed roller coaster built in Texas is the size of a standard roller coaster, one built in Oklahoma must therefore only be half to two-thirds its size. This was the explanation management used when asked by local newspapers why they were building a wooden roller coaster only 2,000 feet long and fewer than 50 feet high. "If you count the amount of wood used to build the structures around the ride, it's closer to 3,500 feet of wood." This statement, from Brookwood Gardens' only CEO, who is forced to remain anonymous, was later proven to be false when covert operations revealed that almost all the structures around the ride, with the exception of the station, were built from fortified plastic. In fact, in many instances, buildings are used in place of wooden supports, so this coaster technically uses even less wood than a standard 2,000-foot wooden roller coaster.




Built in 2004, the original name given to the project was "Oklahoma City Thunder", but local sources insisted that that name would never catch on anywhere. The new name came from feedback given by human crash test dummies, who stated that the ride experience felt like "someone twirling a lasso", which was ironic considering that, not long after the ride opened, one rider ended up being "roped in" and trapped by faulty restraints. Even though it's considered a family coaster, as well as the only coaster in the entire park that doesn't exceed 40 MPH (64 km/h), it's considered one of the most exciting rides Brookwood Gardens has to offer due to its completely unpredictable layout masked by a sea of plastic buildings. According to the rating system administered by the second installment of the Roller Coaster Tabulators--or "RCT2" ratings for short--Oklahoma Rodeo scores an excitement rating of 8.21, the fifth-highest in Brookwood Gardens. For a ride that tops out at 38 MPH and only lasts a minute, half of which is the lift hill, this rating is considered very impressive. A German engineer by the name of Wilhelm called the ride "a real mindbender!"



Edited by Terry Inferno
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  • 1 month later...

After a solid month of no updates whatsoever, Smoking Gun appears out of nowhere.






In the late 70s, Brookwood Gardens had been open to the public for nearly 50 years but contained no roller coasters that exceeded 50 MPH. With few new rides being built over the course of its first half-century, almost none of them roller coasters, park executives needed to act fast if they wanted to discontinue their long tradition of plummeting attendance.




Originally, a steel coaster was planned, but since steel cost money, and the park was situated in the middle of a lush forest, management chose the free road and hacked down a bunch of trees instead. The lumberjacks hired to carry out this task didn't actually know which land was owned by the park, so most of the trees they removed were cut down on government-owned land. This left local government officials stumped.




Fortunately for park management, this meant they could build a large roller coaster for practically no money. On the downside, most of the trees within the park were, naturally, still intact, so the ride had to be squeezed into the southwest corner of the park and built long but not wide to avoid cutting down more trees to clear a space. Management wanted to avoid the further removal of foliage for environmental reasons, and also because the lumberjacks were pretty ticked off that they didn't get paid. This is probably the reason why nobody initially told the lumberjacks the exact location of the park.




In 1979, construction was completed, and Smoking Gun opened to the public the next day. Attendance hit a record high that year, due to a combination of the new coaster and people's fears of a giant wagon lurking somewhere near the park being dispelled the previous year. Situated in the Wild West area, it was originally named "Gunsmoke", but CBS Productions didn't allow Brookwood Gardens to use that name, and they threatened to send Marshal Matt Dillon, whom they insisted was real, to shoot park executives if they didn't change the name.




Since its opening, it has remained the most popular wooden roller coaster in the park among thrill seekers due to its high speeds and large hills. It remained the fastest roller coaster in the state of Oklahoma until Brookwood Gardens broke its own record in 1999, and it remains the fastest wooden roller coaster in the state.




Another demographic this ride appeals to is classic western film enthusiasts, who are known for taking the ride a bit too seriously. Guests will often climb onto the track with loaded revolvers across from other guests on different parts of the track and declaring that this track ain't big enough for the two of them. As a result, Smoking Gun appropriately holds the world record for most guests shot on a single roller coaster. Sometimes, during one of these duels, neither guest survives, as after one gets shot, the other gets run over by an oncoming train. One guest fell out of a train and onto the track at the bottom of a hill, where his untied shoelaces and scarf wrapped around the rails and trapped him so that he was unable to free himself in time when the train came barreling down the hill.






Management has since used these unfortunate events as a positive advertising technique, claiming that there's nothing that encompasses the Wild West quite like getting tied to the tracks, run over by a train, and shot by an idiot in a cowboy hat.



Edited by Terry Inferno
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