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Terry Inferno

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Everything posted by Terry Inferno

  1. "The Ghost of Mr. Hyde" by Skull Smith This is a track you're not going to want to miss!
  2. In the spirit of the wooden coaster above, this one was also built over a year ago. STEEL COBRA However, you all think it's new, so that's what matters.
  3. I built this wooden roller coaster over a year ago, but decided to release it within the last month. THE FLY Downloadable under the "Wood" section of the opening post.
  4. @sirloindude, thank you! The logbook is filled with plenty more tales of funnel cakes and tomfoolery. After the overwhelmingly positive reaction to the release of their second river rapids, Brookwood Gardens chose to continue riding the dumbwaiter of success before the flimsy rope snapped and sent them crashing back to the crypt. Since they had triumphed with a water ride, they concluded that a second water ride would be three times as successful. Despite the obvious deficiency in both their funds and their math skills, they were able to collect enough cash to build a pirate-themed log flume in a region modeled after a North American mountain range. During the late 90s, however, a group of coaster enthusiasts banded together to form a short-lived and little-known coalition against the construction of new log flumes. Shortly after Treasure Hunter opened to the public, members of this group flocked around the ride entrance with picket signs that mostly just consisted of Radiohead lyrics and quotes from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Since it was the 90s, most of them didn't actually know what they were protesting. Even though management had been pleased with the increasing food sales due to protesters pelting it at the ride, the CEO had spent valuable time and resources "hiring" pickpockets to "earn" the finances necessary to build the ride, so he stepped in and asked the leader of the group, Gene Spearitt, why he was protesting this ride. Gene responded, "FYI, we have enough log flumes in the world already. They aren't all that and a bag of chips," as he hucked a bag of chips at the ride. The CEO wasn't going to let his grill be iced by a scrub like Gene, so he told him, "Your comments will be taken into consideration, and you are welcome in my park any time. Psyche!" And he promptly called security to escort that melon head out of the park. Gene, who was not down with being punked, went from bunk to totally postal, yelled the most profane phrase known to mankind at the time--"Eat my shorts!"--and threw a molotov cocktail onto the ride before security tackled him and then tickled him. Much to his surprise, but fairly predictably by realistic standards, the water did not catch on fire. Even though he was charged with attempted "Arrrrson" for attempting to burn down this pirate-themed log flume, Brookwood Gardens didn't have a single good lawyer on the payroll due to the lack of a payroll, so Gene was able to sway the jury and reverse the charges, and was later awarded with the Solid Gear Medal for his heroic act of extinguishing a burning bottle. Even though the ride now possessed something that the rest of Brookwood Gardens lacked--cultural relevance--it was still unable to attract guests between the ages of 14 and 30, as this demographic rarely had much money during this decade; everyone in this age range with a job either delivered pizzas for a living or was a member of Hanson. The demographic they were able to attract, not surprisingly, were grown men who thought they were pirates. Since these delusional old men allowed the ticket vendors to "plunder" the admission fee from the pockets of their buccaneer coats, management allowed them to carry their cutlasses around the park provided that they agreed not to "pillage" the donut stands. After yo-ho-hoing their way to Treasure Hunter, they would jump out of the log-shaped boat and scale the grounds for real treasure, using hamburger wrappers as maps. They were generally unsuccessful, though there was one instance where a group actually did find buried treasure under the ride. Historians failed to determine how a chest of 17th-century gold ended up buried just 5 feet underneath the base of a mountain range 500 miles from the ocean in Oklahoma, while the swashbucklers who discovered it weren't even looking for it. "We couldn't find the park exit. Consider improving the layout of your paths. Arrr!" Management advised them to buy actual park maps and stop taking directions from hamburger wrappers. Gene, meanwhile, had not settled his dispute with Brookwood Gardens, and took full advantage of the increasing number of guests dressed as pirates to sneak into the park and try and sabotage the rides and the food; not that that would be a difficult task since Brookwood Gardens would meet any sabotage halfway. Even though his pirate disguises made his appearance unrecognizable, he rarely showered, so the security team was able to sniff him out every time before he was able to do any real damage. He snuck into the park every week for years and was thrown out each time due to his foul stench, until January 2000, when he forgot why he was upset with the park and subsequently moved to Ohio to protest the construction of Millennium Force because it threatened his 90s lifestyle. Management never saw or heard from him again, though his odor became just as infamous in Cedar Point. Despite the additions of new water rides, enormously popular roller coasters, and thousands of men dressed in cheap pirate Halloween costumes, the 90s are best remembered in Brookwood Gardens as the decade that "smelled like Gene Spearitt."
  5. We at Brookwood Enterprises apologize for the lack of communication during the past six months. Last September, the Brookwood Gardens logbook spontaneously combusted, and we've just finished piecing it back together and translating it into English from Swahili. The southern region of the park is home to the Wild West portion, with one of those regions being the Rocky Mountains. This region was named for its resemblance to a flat version of the Rocky Mountains, and can be found west of the American Southwest region and east of the Middle East. Guests walking due south parallel to the Western Tram Line will know they're in the Rocky Mountains when they approach the plastic dinosaurs of Egypt. One of the rides in this small, cheap sliver of Americana is Rocky River, a river rapids ride constructed in the mid 90s. Even though the track length is a whopping 59 feet shorter than that of its older, jungle-themed counterpart, Jungle Adventure, Rocky River is considered the more exciting of the two because it contains an additional drop, a short artificial rock tunnel, and the Rocky Mountain environment is so convincing that many guests suffer from altitude sickness while riding. Shortness of breath and fainting are common among riders, which may have more to do with carbon monoxide leaking from an unknown source than a successful scenery illusion. This would also explain the violent nausea, as guests don't generally vomit solely as a result of a spectacular theme. However, there are exceptions. Regardless of the root cause of these unusual symptoms, be it a deadly gas leak that nobody has done anything about in 20 years or altitude sickness twelve feet above sea level, this ride would have a much different history if guests actually remained in the boats. Shortly after the opening of Rocky River over two decades ago, adventurous but lazy hikers in the area began to flock to the park for the sole purpose of riding the ride and jumping out of the boat. Even though the park sits at the base of the Wichita Mountains, which cost much less to access than Brookwood Gardens and are statistically much less dangerous, many hikers were afraid of heights, or were simply too lazy to hike up an actual mountain. As a result, many boats would leave the station full and return empty. Hikers didn't generally travel in groups of eight, but, since many solo hikers didn't want to be stuck in the wilderness alone--the "wilderness" being a few thousand square feet surrounded by the track--they grabbed unsuspecting riders and leapt out with them to avoid being stranded alone in the mountains, unaware that three other people on the boat would do the exact same thing at some point during the ride. Somehow, none of them ever managed to grab a fellow hiker. Unfortunately for all of them, there was no existing map of the small land area enclosed by the ride, so nearly everyone who sprang or was forced out of their boat during that time period ended up getting lost, never to be heard from again. After 29 guests had been reported missing and presumed deceased, management decided it was time to take action, but they wanted to wait until the casualty count had reached an even 30. Since many of the hikers took an innocent patron with them into the wilderness, the count skipped over 30 and went directly to 31, which simply would not do. They decided to wait until the count had reached 35, but they didn't count on the 34th guest to jump out alone, followed by another twofer, jumping the count up to 36. When that increased to 39, park executives feared that two would jump out together again, so later that night, they sent someone in to see if he could find any of the missing people. He never returned, so they called it an even 40, closed the ride, and refitted it with reinforced restraints made from wrought iron that could only be opened by the ride operator. These tight restraints are often believed to be the true cause of the loss of breath experienced by riders, although the ride's carbon monoxide detector beeps so often that guests dance to its beat while waiting in line.
  6. Located deep in the wilderness somewhere in North America, this award-winning, forest-themed park is home to 39 rides, including 12 roller coasters, and more foot and train bridges than any other park in the world. To keep the theme consistent and authentic, wolves are legally allowed to roam free in the park. Also, mountain lions. Not that it makes a difference within the confines of RCT2. Download link: http://rctgo.com/downloads/download/16343 From this... ...to this... ...to this: No custom scenery or expansion pack content is required. This will work in any version of RCT2. (scroll back up for download link and video)
  7. Thank you, kind sir! Now show us those scenarios of yours. Instead of an entirely new track design, this new one is actually a refurbished version of one of my older designs. Industrial Force: Reloaded replaces the bland, basic buildings with vibrant, futuristic scenery in a faux jungle atmosphere. 2013 2017 Both will remain available for download under the "Terrain" section near the bottom of the opening post.
  8. This page is quite long. It's time to make it even longer. Rogue One Most riders agree it's better than the movie.
  9. At the end of 2015, I took a new approach to building coasters. Rather than designing tracks that can be used in scenarios, I focused on creating entire landscapes around terrain coasters. All three of the following were built entirely from scratch on a flat 50x50 platform without the use of custom scenery: ARROYO VILDEBERG GOLDEN DRAGON
  10. Inspired by, but not a recreation of, Legoland California's Technic Coaster, I decided to build my own version surrounded by a wall of enormous Lego blocks, which are made solely from vanilla scenery and therefore accessible to every RCT2 player. So for those of you who have always wanted a LEGO-themed coaster that requires no CS whatsoever, I present to you LEGO Engine Test Track. DOWNLOAD LEGO ENGINE TEST TRACK
  11. All the Brookwood Gardens coasters have been added to the list, and the park should find its way there before the end of the year. A new coaster is also available for download. Spyder is a twister roller coaster with eight inversions and a custom vanilla support job. DOWNLOAD SPYDER
  12. The final Brookwood Gardens coaster, which was released for download nearly a month ago, makes it's thread debut. It's worth noting that even though this is the final coaster, there will still be several more updates before the park is released. Here's Frankenstein: The Ride. In November 1994, a film adaptation of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was released, grossing over 100 million US dollars at the box office. These profits inspired Brookwood executives to release their own Frankenstein adaptation in the form of a roller coaster in the hopes that they too would receive an equally massive payout. What they hadn't realized was that, while film is practically limitless in what it can convey and can be enjoyed no matter what part of the world the viewer is in, roller coasters tend to stay in one place--so much so that people sometimes confuse them with rocks, and vice-versa--and the experience is generally limited to a train running along a predetermined track. While the staff contemplated building their tribute in the form of a dark ride instead, the CEO walked slowly around the table, slapped each executive upside the head, and remarked to each of them individually, "Nobody profits from dark rides!" in the same "What do we look like, Disneyland?" tone each time. After a violent yet strangely motivational filibuster, it was decided unanimously that the Frankenstein homage would take the form of a roller coaster, and it was subsequently determined that the best way to salute the iconic monster was to construct the most massive roller coaster ever built. Construction on this behemoth of a ride started in late 1995. The crew hired by the park worked for six straight weeks, but management found this very peculiar, as no materials had yet been acquired to construct it. It was discovered after the sixth week that the crew had spent the entire time driving heavy machinery around and taking coffee breaks with hard hats on, so the executives picked up the crew and their 200-foot-tall mobile cranes with their bare hands, threw them out through the park entrance, and yelled in unison, with their fists shaking victoriously, "And stay out!" The CEO expressed his disappointment to the rest of the team that the crew he hired didn't supply him with a roller coaster, failing to acknowledge that he didn't pay the aforementioned crew by the hour or at all. Construction was therefore delayed until they could find someone willing to work within the park's budget, which at the time was about ten thousand US dollars below zero. While they were unable to find a willing construction crew by mid 1996, they were able to earn some extra cash by founding an alternative business called Brookwood Organic Produce and Bank Robbers, which turned profits by growing and selling organic produce and robbing banks. In 1997, after amassing over ten million dollars, or "ten rocks" for those racketeering enthusiasts out there, management decided that, due to the recent success of Dorney Park's new hypercoaster, Steel Force, they would hire D.H. Morgan Manufacturing to build the colossal beast. The CEO submitted his design for an 8,133-foot-long roller coaster, to which D.H. Morgan himself replied in beautiful calligraphy that a coaster of that magnitude, which included a 306-foot drop and a maximum speed of around 95 MPH, would cost closer to 50 million US dollars to build due to geographical and socioeconomic hazards. The CEO of Brookwood Gardens realized that there was no way their recent business venture, abbreviated and generally referred to as BOP 'n' BR, could amass any more lucre to fund this gargantuan project, especially since the robbers from the BR department, who had run out of banks to rob, became bored and began to steal organic produce from the OP department, rendering both sections useless, so he gave up on Morgan and sought alternative methods for erecting the new coaster. Not wanting to put a record-breaking design to waste, D.H. Morgan Manufacturing built the CEO's coaster in Japan instead, originally marketing it as "The CEO's Revenge" but later settling on "Steel Dragon 2000". The CEO was still credited, but he accidentally signed the blueprint "Steve Okamoto", which was coincidentally the name of the engineer who constructed Steel Force, instead of his own name, so to this day, people believe that the two roller coasters were built by the same individual. After yet another year of delayed construction, the CEO finally figured out that the only way to construct his masterpiece was to harvest the remains of dead roller coasters and attempt to "bring them back to life" by assembling them all into one enormous monster of a roller coaster. He spent his entire 10-million-dollar budget on paying every employee he could to collect as many old roller coaster track and support pieces from around the world. He incentivized them by rewarding the employee who gathered the most scrap metal with free donuts for life, with each of the top ten employees receiving a free autographed picture of the roller coaster upon its completion. Not surprisingly, the donut winner was from the bank robber department, as were seven of the other top ten; the other two places were awarded to a ride mechanic who specialized in stealing tools and a crafty organic farmer known for smuggling roma tomatoes. The 77 employees involved in this operation didn't acquire enough rusty track in their allotted three-month period to build the largest, tallest, or fastest roller coaster in the world, but they did manage to scavenge enough old steel to build one 7,363 feet long and 215 feet high, which, by its opening in 1999, was still the second-longest roller coaster in the world and, with a top speed of 85 MPH, was the fastest continuous-circuit roller coaster at the time and still holds the speed record in the state of Oklahoma. It still fell 79 feet short of being the longest roller coaster in the world, which at the time was The Ultimate in Lightwater Valley, but since "Frankie" was twice as tall and nearly twice as fast, it was marketed as "The World's Largest Roller Coaster Worth Riding". Since the track and supports were made entirely from old, recycled steel and brought back to life using lightning and Tesla coils, Frankenstein: The Ride's status as the world's first and only undead coaster transformed it into Brookwood Gardens' most popular ride of all time, and the rating given by the Second Installment of Roller Coaster Tabulators--RCT2 for short--ranks as the highest in the park's history. Even though the coaster itself was built by the Brookwood Corporation, the trains were supplied by D.H. Morgan. As was customary for Morgan with handwritten letters, the company sent two free roller coaster trains to Brookwood Gardens, which are still used to this day, along with a third train stolen from Steel Force by the bank robbing team to maximize capacity; they also stole half a train from Mamba, split it up, and added one car to the end of each Frankentrain. To this day, neither park suspects a thing, and since each of the purloined cars was repainted to match the Frankentrains, should they ever get wise, they don't have a case. DOWNLOAD FRANKENSTEIN: THE RIDE
  13. @dominionboy, thank you! Due to a crisis totally "not" related to donuts, updates have been slightly behind schedule. The final coaster will be added in a week, but for now, here's Kinnara. By the beginning of the twenty-tens, Brookwood Gardens was a moderately successful amusement park with eleven functioning roller coasters. Even though the attendance hadn't dropped significantly in many years, they knew that plummeting would ensue eventually if they didn't build a new roller coaster soon. For the first time in the park's history, the problem was not financial. Unlike in the 20th century when everything in the park was funded using shortcuts and quick Ponzi schemes, the 21st century became an era of prosperity for the park, due to a combination of new, exciting roller coasters, modern marketing techniques, and the park being featured on World's Deadliest: Amusement Park Edition. In fact, the issue this time was spatial. The park was so packed full of mildly enjoyable attractions that they ran out of land area to build a new roller coaster. One executive suggested that roller coasters should be built on top of one another, to which the eleven other team members in the room flatly responded "No" in unison. In addition to completely running out of space, the park also had a second problem to deal with: there was garbage everywhere. Many of the custodians noticed in 2009 that the trash cans had not been replaced, so they threw them all away into other old trashcans, then threw those all away into other trashcans and repeated the cycle until there was a stack of trash cans 20 feet high sticking out of the M.D. Burns Memorial Dumpster. Park management brainstormed for hours over how to solve this waste crisis, which ultimately led to the brilliant idea to buy more garbage cans and pick up all the trash. Even though the park had enough trash-picker-uppers on their "payroll" to accomplish this task, an environmental group surprisingly advised the park against it, stating that the park had attracted thousands of seagulls, and it would be destroying their ecosystem if the constant influx of trash were to be suddenly taken away from them, which would result in a hefty fine. After reading the group's policy on avian habitats, the CEO noticed a clause that legally allowed people to drive seagulls away by whacking them with a 2x4. The environmental agency permitted this, and supplied each janitor with the necessary wooden boards to accomplish the task. The park, however, was too big for the custodial staff to club every gull effectively, so management had to find a way to get all of the seagulls in one place. This resulted in the janitorial staff slowly moving all of the park's garbage into one massive pile in Brookwood Lake, while the executives went to work at assembling the world's longest 2x4. Once every seagull had found their way to "garbage island", the board was attached to a special mechanism, and the trap was set. On April 22, 2010, which was Earth Day, every guest in Brookwood Gardens watched in awe as the gargantuan 2x4 smacked ten thousand seagulls out of the park at once. None of them were actually harmed by this, as seagulls are known for their tremendous wood resistance, but they all decided that Brookwood garbage wasn't worth the effort. Cheering and clapping, every guest, staff member, and barracuda yelled "And stay out!" in unison as the immense flock flew away. It was at that moment that the executives realized that they now had a place to put a new roller coaster. In honor of the seagulls who had been ultimately responsible for the construction of this new ride, management decided that their new coaster should be a flying roller coaster, so they hired a crew to secure the terrain and turn it into an artificial island. As they were anchoring the isle of trash with sand, dirt, rocks, and concrete to keep it from floating away, they noticed that one of the seagulls had not yet left. One of the handymen, who was an experienced equestrian, attempted to ride the seagull as though it were a horse. Another handyman, who had very poor eyesight and a doctorate in Indian Buddhist mythology, thought he was in the presence of a Kinnara, a half-man, half-bird creature, so he informed the CEO of his discovery. Even though he and the rest of the executives concluded that it was "just Dan riding around on a bird", they named their new flying roller coaster concept after the mythical creature and hired B&M--an American company specializing in Boston-style baked beans--to build it. The track and supports are made from recycled steel cans that were previously home to beans, while the catwalk is made from old, corrugated steel found in the garbage pile. This does not explain why so many guests had thrown away old, corrugated steel, but it does explain why roller coaster enthusiasts have reported that the ride smells more like beans than any other roller coaster in the world. DOWNLOAD KINNARA
  14. Scorpio is here. In 1988, Arrow Dynamics built the first roller coaster with seven inversions, Shockwave. This was a memorable era for Six Flags Great America since that's where they decided to build it, but a downcast time for Brookwood Gardens, whose attendance had recently taken up its time-honored hobby of plummeting. Although the park had seen recent success during this decade with a triple-looping, river-dancing, Schwarzkopf-style looper, as well as moderate success with the refurbishment of a pomade-greased, track-slipping, sugary-good bobsled coaster, ticket sales declined in 1988 because everyone was sad that the 80s were going to end soon. Management knew they had to build a new roller coaster soon before the tickets themselves became too forlorn to be sold. Unfortunately, due to poor ticket sales, the park could not afford to build a new roller coaster without racketeering, so they did some racketeering. By the time all of their schemes had paid off, Arrow had built a second septuple-looper, and Brookwood Gardens knew that a coaster like this was the key to bringing people back into the park. Arrow was contacted, and plans were set to build the tallest and fastest looping roller coaster in the world. However, a day after these plans were made, management realized that their funds had been completely exflunctified. Although they didn't figure out where the money had gone for months, they immediately knew based on the secrecy of the operation that it had to have been someone inside their own company who robbed them, and they eventually discovered that it had been taken by Stealin' Tony. Once a trusted financial manager for the Brookwood corporation, Stealin' Tony was charged in 1989 with grand theft money and was convicted shortly after. Even though the park had regained the majority of their funds, minus court fees and donut tax deductions, Arrow Dynamics did not want anything to do with the scandal, and built their third record-breaking, seven-looping coaster in Six Flags Magic Mountain instead. Brookwood Gardens had to hire Arrow's cheaper but lazier competitor, Cursor, to build their new coaster, which allowed the park executives to dip into the donut tax to buy more donuts. The downside to choosing this cheapjack manufacturer over an accredited one was that they had no cranes or machines--only used wooden ladders from the local fire department--so not only did the coaster take a while to build, but, despite Arrow's looping coasters being over 170 feet tall, Brookwood's new coaster's height could not exceed the height of the seven-story ladder used to build it. They did attempt to stack two ladders on top of each other to allow the coaster to reach a maximum height of 140 feet, but even after dozens of trials, they couldn't keep the second one balanced on top of the first one for more than about one or two seconds. This is how they eventually figured out that they had to build the supports first; when they tried to place the track before placing the supports, the ladder would immediately fall forward along with the individual on it. This is the reason why, to this day, the area beneath the ride is filled with sand instead of its former terrain makeup of hard earth and chipped teeth. On November 10, 1990, construction was completed, and the ride opened to the public the previous week. Since astrology was a popular alternative lifestyle to public school in the early 90s, the ride was named after its astrological sign, Scorpio obviously. Even though it wasn't anywhere near as tall or as fast as Arrow's legendary beasts, with a maximum drop height of 68 feet and a top speed of 46 MPH, it was popular enough to increase attendance and bring ticket profits into the realm of green as opposed to the traditional red. While no fatalities have actually occurred on this ride, one patron in particular did have a most hapless experience with it. In 1999, a group of baseball umpires drove to Brookwood Gardens on Umpire Ditch Day and rode Scorpio. One of the umpires weighed 350 pounds--over 100 pounds above the weight limit--but the ride operator, who had trained himself to dispatch trains in his sleep, naturally didn't notice when the restraints failed to close over his substantial belly. This was not an issue for this roly-poly referee, who was so big that he actually got stuck in the train, but it didn't work out so well for his 145-pound friend in the seat next to him, who was dumped out of the train during the first loop and then immediately struck by the same oncoming train, the force of which was enough to knock this beanpole ump 15 feet into the air onto another piece of track. He attempted to run on the diagonal section of track to reach lower ground, but didn't see the steep drop and tumbled forward and injured himself, rendering him temporarily immobile at the bottom of the drop. A minute later, the same train charged down that drop and struck the guy a second time, knocking him onto an even lower section of track. His league-regulated umpire padding saved him from more serious injuries, but it was only a matter of seconds before the train would wallop him again, this time in the head. After the third strike, he was out, and his friends, having noticed that he was no longer on the ride and had also been hit several times during the course of the ride by the train they were riding in, attempted to restore his consciousness. Finally, after trying everything, they set fireworks off around him, which eventually woke him up and subsequently set him on fire. Although the fire only lasted a few seconds since he landed in sand, his friend James managed to capture it on high definition video, which he uploaded to YouTube with the title "Blazing Umpire HD". After he was relieved of his flames, the ill-fated baseball adjudicator decided that he wanted to leave Brookwood Gardens forever and go shopping instead, so he turned to his friend and said, "I've had it with this park. Take me out to the mall, James!" DOWNLOAD SCORPIO
  15. @coasterbill, if guests can't see the pond, which is used to cool the underground nuclear reactors powering the coaster, nobody has to clean it. Brookwood Gardens can't afford to employ too many additional staff members, as most of them already work for less than half of minimum wage and/or a handful of peanuts every hour. It's time for us to take a journey back to the industrial revolution. No ride is better suited to take you there than Industrial Revolution. Following Disneyland's successful release of Big Thunder Mountain Railroad in 1979, management determined that a mine train coaster would attract more families to the park, as most of the guests at that time were teenagers or older. Since people who aren't children tend to eat more than people who are, Brookwood executives realized that, if there were more children in the park, they could save money on and increase their profits from food sold in the park by slashing portions in half without lowering the prices. This business model eventually worked, and the CEO of the park won the Nobel Prize in capitalism a few years later. However, the scheme couldn't succeed until they built a coaster that would attract humans of all ages, including those between three and four feet tall, and unfortunately, unlike Disneyland, Brookwood Gardens didn't have seventeen million dollars to spend on one ride, or at all, so they had to find a way to raise funds quickly before mine train coasters became old news. They spent all of 1980 convincing their guests that their hotdogs were world-famous so they could relish high profits, and by 1981, they had mustered up (not "mustard up" if that's what you were expecting) enough money to build a basic mine train coaster, built on the future site of Oklahoma Rodeo. Even though the coaster was fewer than 2,000 feet in length, it operated successfully from 1981 until 1991, when it was stolen. Although the roller coaster has never been found, the hotdog business model won the second place Nobel Prize in capitalism made of silver. After Calamity Mine opened in Walibi Wavre in 1992, now known as Walibi Belgium, the Brookwood Gardens CEO used its layout as a reference to design a new, more exciting mine train coaster. He wanted to theme this one after the industrial revolution because A) There were too many western-themed mine train coasters in the world already, B) There was no room in the Wild West portion of the park, and C) Most of the scenery could be built from recycled storage sheds stacked on top of each other. To build the track, the CEO called upon Richard Trevithick, who designed and built the first steam locomotive. After hearing that Trevithick had passed away in 1833, management called Vekoma, the manufacturers of Calamity Mine. Since the park actually had two million dollars from a previous insurance policy to spend on the construction of the ride, Vekoma probably would have accepted, but the executive in charge of marketing misdialed and accidentally called Vakuuma, a Latvian vacuum cleaner company, instead. When management found out that this company would be building the ride instead of a real roller coaster manufacturer, they only offered to spend one million on the construction instead of the full two million, but it turned out to be a worthwhile investment. Industrial Revolution opened in 1993 and quickly became the most popular ride in the park, and roller coaster enthusiasts who had previously visited the park in Belgium consistently rated Industrial Revolution as significantly more exciting than Calamity Mine. Those who hadn't been to Belgium were unable to make the comparison, so a picture of Calamity Mine hangs in the queue line with a caption that reads "This roller coaster is more exciting than the one in this picture". Not only does it have some of the highest ridership in Brookwood Gardens, but it's the cheapest to maintain: the trains clean debris off the track as they go using built-in vacuum mechanisms. Saving a million dollars to end up with the world's only self-cleaning roller coaster didn't win the CEO any more Nobel Prizes in capitalism, but the two-million-dollar policy taken out on the first mine train coaster right before it was stolen did win him a Daytime Emmy in insurance fraud. DOWNLOAD INDUSTRIAL REVOLUTION
  16. I've recently started using flags in some of my parks--one of them was a smaller version of the Texan flag--using similar methods, so it's good to see someone else use this technique. The forest environment looks great, as do the custom rides you've put in it. In future parks, I would like to see fewer premade rides and more custom ones, as every RCT2 player sees the premade ones every time we play, but it is interesting that you've given them a historical context.
  17. After a solid month of no updates whatsoever, Smoking Gun appears out of nowhere. In the late 70s, Brookwood Gardens had been open to the public for nearly 50 years but contained no roller coasters that exceeded 50 MPH. With few new rides being built over the course of its first half-century, almost none of them roller coasters, park executives needed to act fast if they wanted to discontinue their long tradition of plummeting attendance. Originally, a steel coaster was planned, but since steel cost money, and the park was situated in the middle of a lush forest, management chose the free road and hacked down a bunch of trees instead. The lumberjacks hired to carry out this task didn't actually know which land was owned by the park, so most of the trees they removed were cut down on government-owned land. This left local government officials stumped. Fortunately for park management, this meant they could build a large roller coaster for practically no money. On the downside, most of the trees within the park were, naturally, still intact, so the ride had to be squeezed into the southwest corner of the park and built long but not wide to avoid cutting down more trees to clear a space. Management wanted to avoid the further removal of foliage for environmental reasons, and also because the lumberjacks were pretty ticked off that they didn't get paid. This is probably the reason why nobody initially told the lumberjacks the exact location of the park. In 1979, construction was completed, and Smoking Gun opened to the public the next day. Attendance hit a record high that year, due to a combination of the new coaster and people's fears of a giant wagon lurking somewhere near the park being dispelled the previous year. Situated in the Wild West area, it was originally named "Gunsmoke", but CBS Productions didn't allow Brookwood Gardens to use that name, and they threatened to send Marshal Matt Dillon, whom they insisted was real, to shoot park executives if they didn't change the name. Since its opening, it has remained the most popular wooden roller coaster in the park among thrill seekers due to its high speeds and large hills. It remained the fastest roller coaster in the state of Oklahoma until Brookwood Gardens broke its own record in 1999, and it remains the fastest wooden roller coaster in the state. Another demographic this ride appeals to is classic western film enthusiasts, who are known for taking the ride a bit too seriously. Guests will often climb onto the track with loaded revolvers across from other guests on different parts of the track and declaring that this track ain't big enough for the two of them. As a result, Smoking Gun appropriately holds the world record for most guests shot on a single roller coaster. Sometimes, during one of these duels, neither guest survives, as after one gets shot, the other gets run over by an oncoming train. One guest fell out of a train and onto the track at the bottom of a hill, where his untied shoelaces and scarf wrapped around the rails and trapped him so that he was unable to free himself in time when the train came barreling down the hill. Management has since used these unfortunate events as a positive advertising technique, claiming that there's nothing that encompasses the Wild West quite like getting tied to the tracks, run over by a train, and shot by an idiot in a cowboy hat. DOWNLOAD SMOKING GUN
  18. Coaster number 7, Oklahoma Rodeo, is the 7th coaster. Just like the old adage states "Everything's bigger in Texas", park management deduced that the inverse must be true in Oklahoma. So if a cowboy-themed roller coaster built in Texas is the size of a standard roller coaster, one built in Oklahoma must therefore only be half to two-thirds its size. This was the explanation management used when asked by local newspapers why they were building a wooden roller coaster only 2,000 feet long and fewer than 50 feet high. "If you count the amount of wood used to build the structures around the ride, it's closer to 3,500 feet of wood." This statement, from Brookwood Gardens' only CEO, who is forced to remain anonymous, was later proven to be false when covert operations revealed that almost all the structures around the ride, with the exception of the station, were built from fortified plastic. In fact, in many instances, buildings are used in place of wooden supports, so this coaster technically uses even less wood than a standard 2,000-foot wooden roller coaster. Built in 2004, the original name given to the project was "Oklahoma City Thunder", but local sources insisted that that name would never catch on anywhere. The new name came from feedback given by human crash test dummies, who stated that the ride experience felt like "someone twirling a lasso", which was ironic considering that, not long after the ride opened, one rider ended up being "roped in" and trapped by faulty restraints. Even though it's considered a family coaster, as well as the only coaster in the entire park that doesn't exceed 40 MPH (64 km/h), it's considered one of the most exciting rides Brookwood Gardens has to offer due to its completely unpredictable layout masked by a sea of plastic buildings. According to the rating system administered by the second installment of the Roller Coaster Tabulators--or "RCT2" ratings for short--Oklahoma Rodeo scores an excitement rating of 8.21, the fifth-highest in Brookwood Gardens. For a ride that tops out at 38 MPH and only lasts a minute, half of which is the lift hill, this rating is considered very impressive. A German engineer by the name of Wilhelm called the ride "a real mindbender!" DOWNLOAD OKLAHOMA RODEO
  19. With the release of the 6th roller coaster, G-Launcher, we at Brookwood Gardens can officially say we're halfway done with showcasing this project. The coaster get better from here, we assure you. Well, almost. After their first successful coaster release of the 21st century, management realized that, in order to keep up with current roller coaster trends, the next coaster they built would have to be a launched roller coaster. Initially, they had hired Vekoma to construct the track, but they quickly vetoed the offer when they found out that they would literally be working for peanuts. Instead, the track was built by Jicama, which was a small ride manufacturing company based in Mexico and founded by an engineer/yam farmer named Pachyrhizus Erosus, an immigrant from Ancient Rome. In addition to the LIM-powered launch, which was originally planned to be at 75 MPH, the initial layout contained three inversions, it had one of the most spectacular stations in the world, and the original name for the ride was "H-Launcher". The "H" stood for Hydrogen, which is the power source management proposed Jicama use when building the launch system. One thing we know from roller coaster history is, any time a ride manufacturer builds a roller coaster for the first time, something bursts into flames, and considering that Jicama was really more of an agricultural firm than a ride manufacturing company, and that Mr. Erosus was really more of a tulip than a ride engineer, this attempt was no exception. The first hydrogen launch caused the station to blow up massively and the train cars to disconnect and spew out in various directions. While four of the train cars landed in the lake, two of them simply did not. One of them fell onto Overdrive Junction and had just enough momentum to win the current race by half a second. The other landed directly in front of an oncoming Brookwood Express train, where it was pushed around the park all week without anyone really noticing, except for one go kart driver who leapt from his kart prematurely and landed in the empty train car. The explosion actually saved his life, as had the train car not been there, he would have landed directly in front of the oncoming train. Regardless, since the car was pushed around the park for an entire week, the coaster holds the second place trophy for most fish runover by a single ride due to the barracudas who try and cross the track. After the explosion, hydrogen power was deemed too unsafe for the ride, but seeing the train fragments burst in such a volatile manner reminded management of a grenade, so the ride was renamed "G-Launcher" in honor of grenade launchers. Since the restraints were badly damaged in the fire, the inversions were removed and the launch speed was reduced to 59 MPH, and the power source was shifted from unsafe hydrogen to a much cleaner source of energy, nuclear power. The small, man-made reservoir underneath the ride is used to keep the reactors cool enough to operate the world's only nuclear-powered roller coaster without melting down all of Brookwood Gardens and the surrounding area. DOWNLOAD G-LAUNCHER
  20. The park will be up for download before the end of the year, but there are seven coasters left to release after today's release. As for the narration, I'm always appreciative of those who read it because, by the time this project is fully finished, I will have spent more time writing about it than building it. Happy St. Patrick's Day from Brookwood Gardens! In the early 80s, management had designed a basic layout for a small looping coaster and wanted to hire Anton Schwarzkopf and his team to build it. Unfortunately, but nonetheless very predictably, his fee was significantly higher than what the park executives were willing to spend. The man who took the job was an Irish roller coaster manufacturer by the name of O'Shaughnessy, who was not only the spitting image of Schwarzkopf, but used identical coaster-building techniques. Because of this striking resemblance in both appearance and roller coaster engineering, both he and his rides were almost always mistaken for Schwarzkopf and his creations respectively. It's estimated by some sources that close to 20 Schwarzkopf coasters were actually built by O'Shaughnessy, but nobody has been able to prove this theory or identify exactly which coasters he built, so he is only credited with building one roller coaster. Fed up with the entire world mistaking him for the German engineer, O'Shaughnessy painted the coaster's loops and trains, which both come in a set of three, after the three colors of the Irish flag, and he named it after his home town so that everyone would know that the man who built the coaster was Irish. These decisions did pay off, but not in the way that he had initially hoped. When he stood near the ride exit, impressed patrons would shake his hand and say "You've really outdone yourself this time, Mr. O'Schwarzkopf!" Before this ride was built, the space was occupied by a WWII fighter jet that had flown the wrong way and took a nosedive into the ground and burned down all the surrounding trees. In 1967, another WWII fighter jet crashed into the remains of the first jet when the pilot allegedly discovered that he was flying his plane 22 years too late, saw the crashed plane and tried to land on it, believing it was an incredibly small landing strip. This still doesn't explain why he tried to land directly on top of the other plane. Regardless, all the remains were buried in 1972 when a meteor landed on them. Archaeologists, WWII historians, and the Department of Consumer Affairs excavated the entire area to salvage all parts of the missing planes, which they should have just done before the meteor landed but never got around to it. Since the meteor landed within the park's boundaries, it was legally the park's to sell, so, after nearly 50 years of using the lake as the park's main source of fresh drinking water, they built an underground reservoir after most of the archaeologists had cleared out of the area and covered it with concrete and, on the surface, top quality dune sand imported from the Sahara Desert. Both decisions turned out to be beneficial, as salmonella-related deaths went down 90% from the previous year, and the roller coaster won "Best Sand" at the 1983 Roller Coaster Terrain Awards (or "Terry" awards for short). DOWNLOAD DUBLIN DEVIL
  21. It's great to see that someone is actually reading the narration. The weekly updates should continue again, and there are still eight coasters left ready for release within the next few months--all of which will have their own unique story. Barracuda opened in 2001, and was originally set to be built by B&M. However, they charged more than park management was willing to spend--about 10 times as much--so they went with H&M instead. Not the popular clothing store, but Hall & Mongoose, which consisted of a guy named John Hall and a mongoose. Somehow, the two of them built the entire coaster in just 45 minutes. Aside from a few wheels falling off the trains during the initial tests due to misuse of scotch tape, almost nothing went wrong before the ride was opened to the public that same day, and there were only two fatalities before the ride opened including the mongoose, whose name was also John Hall. The coaster is named after the deadly fish, which lives in the lake that the ride overlooks. The name is appropriate because A) It's known for successfully preying on larger roller coasters by ripping off chunks of track and B) About 8 percent of the riders are barracudas. They don't prey on guests, but they don't pay admission, so they're not considered legal patrons. At first, ride operators would see them and say "Get back in the lake!" and it would work, but eventually the barracudas would initially refuse, so all Barracuda ride operators were required to carry swords. Since weapons are expensive in the lake, only the wealthiest of barracudas could afford to carry them, so this reduced ridership to about 4 percent fish. Eventually, ride operators stopped carrying swords due to rampant pacifism, so ridership jumped up to about 35 percent. This is when management built the electric fence between the coaster and the lake, which reduced ridership to the 8 percent it is today, as only the barracudas who are smart enough to go around the fence, minus the ones the train runs over, make it onto the ride. Brookwood Express holds the world record for most fish run over by a single ride, with 271,684 as of February 2016. DOWNLOAD BARRACUDA
  22. No new coasters will be released for the remainder of this month, so the standard updates will continue to continue. The Western Tram Lines would not function as an amusement park ride with just one station, and management realized after the ride had operated for only three months, so they built the second station in a region known as quasi-Egypt, which looks almost Egyptian enough to possibly be affiliated with Egypt but not quite enough like Egypt to be labeled as Egyptian. The only part of the park that's officially recognized as Egyptian is the ride that runs red American pickup trucks around a large, empty building built by a guy named Steve that has a 10,000-volt electric fence around it. Upon exiting or before entering this station, one will see a pool on each side of the building. This is because the station suffers from OCD and demanded perfect symmetry within certain proximity. The pools are used for employee swimming lessons, which are mandatory for all employees since thousands of people drown in this park annually. Before the swimming lessons were mandatory, the numbers were in the tens of thousands, so the Brookwood executives like to think they're making a difference by reducing the numbers just enough to make it look like they're making a difference. Occasionally, a guest will hop the fence, jump into the pool, and drown during an employee swimming lesson. When Brookwood Gardens passed the mandatory swimming lesson rule, the only employees they could afford to have teach the courses were existing employees who had never been in a pool, so they were given books about swimming and told to memorize whatever they could. As a result, these employees know how to swim, but they can't physically swim, so it's up to the student to save any guest who cannonballs into the water and doesn't come back up. The guests who survive are the lucky ones who dive in close to the end of an employee's training, while the unlucky ones fly in during the beginner phase. All swimmers in training are given kickboards, but unfortunately they interpret the name literally and use them to kick the drowning guests, which they think is correct. This is why eighteen percent of all guests who drown in Brookwood Gardens annually drown in one or both of these pools even though the water is only two and a half feet deep. Across the path, guests are greeted with traditional Egyptian items: life-sized plastic dinosaurs, which can also be seen from the trams. On that same path, on each side of the small bridge, two horsemen statues can be seen. These were built to symbolize the olden days when, before the trams were built, men rode horses on the tracks. Wagon Wheel, a Ferris wheel, is just a hop, skip, and a topple from the tram station. The Wild West makes up the entire southernmost portion of the park, and this portion is the furthest west, though not quite as far west as the Middle East. This chunk of the Wild West is known as the Rocky Mountains, which also includes a wooden roller coaster, a river rapids ride, and a pirate-themed log ride for some reason. Wagon Wheel opened in 1976, and people actually noticed in the following year. Ridership was not only low, but the existence of the ride actually decreased attendance significantly because people believed that, after seeing pictures of a giant wagon wheel, they were convinced there was a giant wagon somewhere waiting for the right time to run everybody over. This consternation cost Brookwood Gardens so much in revenue that they finally built a giant wagon with three wheels just outside the park and explained to guests that it had crashed many years ago and was no longer a threat to the general population. This reassurance brought the attendance level to a record high in 1978 since it also brought in guests who had suspected a giant wagon was on the loose years before the construction of Wagon Wheel began. This Ferris wheel is one of the safest rides in the park, having only killed guests on one occasion when the wheel detached from the support towers and rolled around the park. Out of the 137 guests flattened, only nineteen were flattened to death. Following the incident, engineers improved the strength of the connection, and since then, the wheel hasn't strayed away from home. Occasionally it refuses to rotate due to the 27 tons of scotch tape on each end of the axle, so guests will sometimes remain marooned at the top of the wheel for several weeks at a time, but none have ever starved to death due to the amount of food thrown in Brookwood Gardens on a daily basis.
  23. For the minuscule amount of Brookwood Gardens fans anxiously awaiting the arrival of roller coasters, the wait is partially over. Here we find three of the fabulous twelve roller coasters currently operating in Brookwood Gardens. To download, simply click on the name of the roller coaster, which is in huge font and very hard to miss. Rambler Constructed in 1930, Rambler was the first ride built in Brookwood Gardens, and is therefore the oldest standing ride in the park. Although it isn't the fastest coaster you'll come across within these gates, its rickety and unpredictable layout has rivaled those of other notable coasters from its era such as the Crystal Beach Cyclone. The property owner, who is now the CEO and still owns the park after 86 years, designed this rickety ride with the help of none other than John A. Miller. Not John A. Miller the roller coaster architect, but John A. Miller the local lumber thief, who would loot lumber yards late at night and sell the wood. Due to the onset of the Great Depression, most of his former customers could no longer afford to purchase the wood at the prices he demanded, so the owner paid him 12 dollars to steal the wood and build the coaster, with the help of a gang of disgruntled architects who were wanted in seven states for building illegally. The gang, including Miller, was caught the following year while constructing a windmill on a baseball field, so the world never saw another coaster built by John A. Miller and his crew. Despite its horribly unsafe construction and the safety standards that didn't exist at the time or were completely ignored, Rambler holds the distinction of being one of only three roller coasters in Brookwood Gardens history to boast a zero-fatality record. You may lose your voice screaming, or your neck may hurt for two weeks, but when you ride Rambler, chances are, you won't die. -- Sugar Rush The second roller coaster to open in Brookwood Gardens, the first Sugar Rush opened in 1940. The original track and supports were made of wood, and it originally ran single cars instead of seven-car trains. The property owner designed the track upon request, and construction rights were granted to the craftsmen in exchange for all of the profits, which the property owner didn't initially think would work but was quite pleased when it did. It was constructed by a group of loutish bobsledders who wanted their own bobsled track but could not find a good one in the state of Oklahoma. It was not built by engineers or anyone who knew anything at all about physics, and this was made obvious when, during the initial testing phase, the bobsled car didn't make it up the first hill. Since the sledders were as stubborn as they were terrible with physics, they greased the track with pomade in an attempt to speed the train up. Surprisingly, it worked, and during the following test, the train flew up the first hill and right off the track. Instead of just using less pomade, they sprinkled sugar along the track in the hopes that the friction would keep the train from flying off again. Despite everything we know today about physics, it worked like a charm, and the instances of train leaving track were decreased just enough to open the ride to the public. In 1962, a maintenance worker accidentally poured kerosene on the track instead of sugar, and, realizing that he had poured sugar into all of the park's 19th century English lamps (Brookwood Gardens always ran on a budget), lit a cigarette while he sat on the track and contemplated his foolish blunder. The entire track went up in flames, and the maintenance worker, MacKay D. Burns, was immortalized as "Crispy MDB", with a nearby restroom named in his honor. In 1985, a safer version of the old track was rebuilt using steel, and the remaining wooden supports were refurbished with steel supports added. The original method of slowing the train down was to add more sugar to the "brake" areas, but the state, the IAAPA, and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms all stepped in and demanded that actual brakes be installed in the new track. Since the ride reopened, the train has only flown off the track 12 times, compared to 51 times in its original 22-year run. Sugar is still sprinkled on the track to keep the tradition in place, and the number of guests run over by the trains while attempting to lick the sugar off the track remains at the same eight it was in 1962, thanks to the placement of a heavily armed security guard. The three patrons who tried specifically to lick pomade off the track between 1951-1958 luckily never made contact with a bounding bobsled. -- Toxic Tower Toxic Tower is one of the park's newest roller coasters, and was designed specifically to fit into a small space because the park essentially ran out of open land on which to build roller coasters. This is why, even though it's the second fastest coaster in the park, it looks like it was shipped in a box from China with some assembly required. It was actually assembled onsite by B&M--two unemployed guys from Tulsa named Bob & Marvin--and tested for the very first time with riders in the cars. The tests were successful and no injuries were sustained. While most dive coasters have only one vertical drop, Toxic Tower pushes the coaster type to new limits with four. Brookwood Management didn't feel that four 90-degree drops were enough to attract the interest of today's roller coaster enthusiast, so they added one of the most interesting and exciting roller coaster elements in existence, a vertical loop. Advertising the loop proved to be the ace in the hole, as in its first week, the ridership exceeded one billion. The revenue from the tickets was spent on corn dogs for the staff and turned from a profit to a loss by the end of the month. Despite the fact that the fictional setting for this ride is a cyanide factory, many guests have questioned the authenticity of the toxicity of the coaster and have veered off the path to lick the track. However, Brookwood Gardens believes in authenticity whenever possible, so they mix cyanide into the paint. Most of the naysayers who don't believe that the ride is as toxic as they say it is don't find out how wrong they are until it's too late. Then there's the occasional connoisseur, who is well aware of the cyanide content of the paint but doesn't believe the poison will live up to their standards. Often, management will hear "Simply dreadful" or "No, this won't do" before they see a guest faceplant two feet from the track. These facts are the reason why this coaster is often considered the deadliest in the park, despite a complete lack of onride fatalities disregarding riders who jump out of the tower to try to beat the train. Despite the many lawsuits that arise, guests and management find the lethality of the ride appropriate. It is Toxic Tower, after all.
  24. The "New screenshots every Wednesday" policy will return to normal eventually, if anyone is actually reading any of this, which I doubt many people are these days. For the few proud Brookwood fans, here is an update with a lot of words. Nature Cruise is one of the eight water rides located in Brookwood Gardens. We had previously said that there were seven water rides because we tend to leave this one out. Out of all the water rides in the park, this one has the distinction of being the only one where riders don't get wet. Some executive members initially argued that the whole point of a water ride was to get wet--they were the same people who added squirting mechanisms to the submarine ride to simulate pipes bursting underwater--but it was inexpensive to build, and they needed a new ride to distract guests from the unfinished roller coaster that had been heavily advertised and then delayed for the third year in a row due to budget constraints. Park management should have foreseen that, since the ride was dirt cheap, the experience was dirt. The entire ride consists of sitting in wooden rafts, which slowly cruise around a meandering track filled with water, and looking at trees. No other scenery, just trees. While it sounds peaceful and calming, guests have stated that so is sitting on a park bench, and that they'd rather look at the panoramic view any bench has to offer than to sit in a sluggish raft that smells like turnips and drift through murky water with dead rodents floating in it. Sometimes the rodents in the water aren't completely dead, and they gather up enough energy to climb up onto the raft and die on a rider. Then there are the aggressive ducks who claim the water as their home and attack anyone who dares challenge this fact, and occasionally a group of hornets will build their nest in or atop one of the rafts. It's all part of the experience. In 2007, a pine tree fell on the ride and crushed two riders. The ride was closed, and the scene was investigated to determine why the tree had fallen. The following day, the tree had already been removed and the wood had disappeared, which baffled park management. It was discovered later that a man whom security believed to be an entertainer dressed as a lumberjack was an actual lumberjack who had cut down the tree and harvested the wood. It was reported that he sold some of the wood to a chainsaw carver, who turned it into a beautiful statue of a grizzly bear, which currently greets hungry patrons at a steakhouse a few miles from the park. As they always do, the families of the two victims found out about the bear, so he was renamed "Steve" after his original name "Killer" was deemed inappropriate. Nature Cruise has the lowest ridership out of any ride in the park, averaging fewer than 10 guests per day, and has been voted Brookwood Gardens' worst ride every year since it opened. In 2014, it celebrated its 17th consecutive win, and surpassed the trampoline in the tool shed as the worst ride in Brookwood Gardens history. There would be more screenshots of it, but the photographer was fired for taking pictures of this lousy ride immediately after he captured the second image. -- Speaking of awful, further along the path, we find ourselves at another food court. If Brookwood Gardens has taught us anything, it's that people will buy anything as long as it's sold in a pretty building. Out of all the food courts Brookwood Gardens has to offer, this one is unique because it's the only one with a ride running through it. Sky Sailor, which, according to Sky Sailor, has to be a part of everything, casually strolls through the top floor of the building. Guests have not missed out on this opportunity. When riders approach the floored area, they will often jump from their cars and try to race the car they were in to the other side and hop in at the very last second, which is easy to do because the cars don't have restraints. Some of the overzealous yet nonathletic guests, after failing to reach their car while its still over the platform, will leap from the platform to try and catch the back of the car, only to catch the top of the ground or the front of the pole instead. In the spirit of George of the Jungle, the closest support has a sign on it that says "Watch out for that pole!", but it has been ultimately an ineffective warning, as those who jump from that side have a difficult time avoiding the pole while in midair, as admirable as their attempts may be. From the back, diners are rewarded with a beautiful vista of a pond, which was built mainly to keep the ducks out of Nature Cruise. Many of these aquatic birds have relocated to this pond, and as a result, before the windows were added, guests would feed the ducks from the food court. This harmless feeding turned to target practice with chicken bones, so dark glass panes were added shortly after the pond was added. Guests still try to feed the ducks and try to hit them with discarded food, but because of the darkened, reinforced glass, which has led many guests to believe that they're merely feeding the ducks at night, the projectile nourishment never makes its way anywhere near the pond. The food court is sometimes referred to as "Triple F" because of the three items they sell: fries, fried chicken, and lemonade. Rumor has it that the moniker also surfaced because all three food stands would frequently receive that letter as a grade after inspection, but records can confirm that two out of three of these eating establishments have never received anything lower than a D. However, upon sampling food from all three eateries, one can figure out right away which one regularly receives the lowest of letters. The majority of guests will tell you that the fries are stale and the lemonade has been severely watered down, but the fried chicken is in a class all its own. The process of cooking the chicken is considered unique. While unique is often a good thing, sometimes it isn't. The chickens used are all free-range chickens, stolen from sustainable farms by trained livestock thieves. Brookwood Gardens employs more livestock thieves than they do handymen and ride mechanics combined, which is an unfair statistic because many of the ride mechanics and handymen work as livestock thieves at night. While they used to snatch the birds from factory farms, animal rights groups protested until the poultry bandits agreed to only purloin fowl that are allowed to run free. Stolen chicken is said to taste better than earned chicken, but this may be nothing more than an old adage, as there is no way of knowing whether these pilfered birds are diseased or otherwise unfit for human consumption. With the standard of hygiene demonstrated by the park's culinary staff, all the birds might as well be diseased. Outside of the amusement park business, the Brookwood Gardens corporation makes most of its money in the honey industry. Honey has been the driving force keeping the park alive and safe from bankruptcy and serious lawsuits. As a byproduct of this sweet, delicious elixir, the chicken is fried in bee oil. When asked what "bee oil" was in an interview, a Brookwood Gardens executive explained that it's extracted using a process called "juicing the bee", which is a patented process that involves harvesting dead bees and "mining" them for oil. Since none of these insects live forever, it's considered a sustainable method and has been commended by local environmental organizations, though never by the health department. To give the vendor more time to sell the chicken and stand motionlessly in front of the register for hours at a time, all the chicken is fried in the morning before the park opens. The excess chicken that hasn't been purchased is left out overnight and resold the next day. Sometimes, when the clerk working the stand is tossing the chicken into the hot fryer from ten feet away, which has somehow evolved into standard procedure, one or two pieces will hit the rim of the fryer and bounce into one of the paper food trays. When the trays are filled one by one with fried chicken, the clerk will see that one is already occupied with the uncooked chicken and think nothing of it, resulting in one guest every few weeks receiving a piece of totally uncooked chicken. This food stand holds the park record for food-related fatalities, and one of them even prompted the health department to shut the stand down temporarily. When you serve chicken that hasn't been cooked at all, and you kill the health inspector, attracting customers becomes increasingly difficult. When it happens twice, it becomes virtually impossible. Only in Brookwood Gardens can you kill one patron on the spot and have the next guy in line order the exact same thing. We're thankful for our loyal, birdbrained customers. Several lemon trees have made the area surrounding the pond their permanent home. These trees are the source of the lemons used to make all the lemonade sold in the park all year. Since there are only about fifteen of these trees, very few lemons are used to concoct the mostly organic lemonade available year-round. The main ingredient is water, and by "main ingredient" we mean that the vats are filled with water from a garden hose and one lemon is squeezed into each of them. Several pounds of refined sugar are added, followed by a touch of yellow food dye to create the illusion that it's lemonade. A similar process is used to make the french fries. Adjacent to the lush forest pond and across the path from the Rocky Mountains lies Egypt, which, in Brookwood Gardens, consists of a whole car ride. Built in 2001, Pyramid Pickups was squeezed into an unoccupied 10x12 space, in RCT2 measurements, which, in the 1960s, was home to a wooden Wild Mouse roller coaster called "Wild Mouse". After a few years of operation, a rodent infestation caused the ride to close, ironically citing wild mice as the reason for closing Wild Mouse. An exterminator was hired, and his initial approach was to "smoke them out" by lighting pieces of firewood with lighter fluid and throwing them at the roller coaster. His method worked, and every wild mouse was burned to a crisp, including the large one made of wood. So, for over 30 years, the space was unoccupied, disregarding the man who was raised by wolves. His name is Richard. The pyramid was actually built in 1998, as was the building with the rooftop sphinx that formerly housed a small cafe serving traditional Egyptian cuisine, which is what Brookwood Gardens claimed King Tut's Deep Dish Pizza was. Ancient astronaut theorists flocked after seeing photographs of this pyramid and claimed that it was built by aliens to serve an unknown purpose, while citing the immaculate construction and lack of tool marks as evidence to support their theory. It was actually built by a guy named Steve, who took the construction comments as compliments, but the theorists brushed this off as "mainstream archaeology" even though there is documented proof that Steve and his crew constructed it in 1998, including some video footage of them building it. To symbolize the construction of the pyramid, management built a ride honoring the contractors. Guests ride in red pickup trucks, which all bear the logo of Steve's company, while they drive around the pyramid and pretend that they're transporting building supplies around the pyramid construction site. Photographs of Steve, his red truck, and construction workers building the pyramid line the walls of the station to show riders who the true architects of the Brookwood Pyramid were. Not extra-terrestrials. Not ancient Egyptians. Steve. Since the ride uses pickup trucks as cars, naturally some problems arose. Since security doesn't pay much attention to this corner of the park, especially this ride, guests would frequently climb the stone walls and jump in the back of the trucks to hitch a ride to an unknown destination, which was usually the station. Sometimes these guests would take it a step further and "hijack" one of the trucks, threatening the current rider and forcing him or her out of the vehicle. These hijackings would occur once or twice a week, so without putting up any signs, management installed an electric fence atop the limestone walls that will deliver a 10,000-volt shock to anyone who attempts to enter the premises. Now the only successful hijackers are the ones who manage to scale the sphinx building and jump down onto the adjacent colonnade ruins, but these incidents only occur every few months, so the executives ultimately determined that preventing them would be "just another waste of company funds". Stay tuned next week to see a roller coaster.
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