cfc Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 Greetings, my friend, I am Criswell. You may remember from such classic motion pictures as Plan 9 from Outer Space, where I shared with you "the shocking facts about graverobbers from outer space"; Night of the Ghouls, where I related a macabre tale of "the Threshold People" ("monsters to be pitied, monsters to be despised!"); or Orgy of the Dead, where I got drunk and sat around watching strippers in a graveyard (yes, even Criswell needs his special entertainment). Or perhaps you are familiar with my work as a famous Hollywood psychic, when I predicted that by April 1970 millions of people would be living in colonies on Mars! (Oh, I really nailed that one.) Yes, I have been dead for some time, but in the mythical year of 1966 I am using my mastery of psychic energy to transmit to you visions of the future. You are interested in the mysterious, the unexplainable. That is why you are here. Can your heart stand the shocking facts about Chuck's Florida Halloween Adventure? Yes, in 1966 the one you know as "Chuck," "cfc," or that "sad-and-pathetic guy" is but a mere six years old, little knowing the horror that awaits him in October 2006! But now I, Criswell, will share it all with you, based on the shocking testimony of those who survived this terrifying ordeal. Let us reward the guilty, and punish the innocent. (Or perhaps the other way around.) Remember--future events such as these will affect you in the future! Let the visions begin! Imagine a steaming hot day in Tampa, Florida . . . . . . and abusing an innocent skeleton! Can he possibly make things worse on himself? You will see. But he will screw that all up by striking a goofy pose in front of Gwazi . . . Perhaps Chuck is, at last, redeemed. Dive, mighty bird of prey! Even I, Criswell, am deeply moved! And take many pictures. He will ride it again and again. Yes, he will treat this bird of prey with the respect it deserves. But even Chuck will be in awe of the mighty Sheikra! The force of Python will punish them further. But will survive even its Helix of Death! They will be forced to endure the wrath of the Scorpion! . . . yet will still bear nature's wrath for Chuck's transgressions! Eric will show the mummy the proper respect . . . . . . only to desecrate a pharoah's tomb! He feigns atonement by kneeling to a Sacred Cow . . . Yet he survives! But there will be more desecration! Chuck mocks the power of Kumba itself! You see--all is as I have foreseen! Do not doubt the powers of Criswell! In 1966! But they do manage to befriend a lonely hippo. A hyena mocks both Chuck and his friend the "other Eric Johnson" by presenting himself in a most depraved manner. But something is afoot. Chuck will mock the powers of nature! And not for the first time! Yes, we are at Busch Gardens Africa! The force of Montu is all powerful and consuming!
cfc Posted October 25, 2006 Author Posted October 25, 2006 Yes, Chuck will pay dearly for his transgressions against nature and the elder gods at BGA! I, Criswell, will share all with you! I am Criswell! There is more to come! God help us in the future! And, thus, Chuck will die the first of many deaths on his Florida Halloween tour. Only to be resurrected mysteriously for some sort of cosmic joke! . . . for there is no rescue to be had! The raging waters will toy with them . . . . . . but not the mocking vengeance of the crocodile! . . . be spared the wrath of the rhino, . . . He and Eric will brave the Rhino Rally . . . Even Chuck will be conscious of the bad omen of a crocodile crushed beneath the weight of a truck! He will attempt to cleanse himself with the purity of water on the Congo River Rapids! Yet it will not be enough!
alpengeist04 Posted October 25, 2006 Posted October 25, 2006 As usual, very entertaining Chuck. Can't wait for the next update.
CoasterFanatic Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 I predict ..... that I will enjoy the rest of this TR once it is posted. Good one so far Chuck! // EdWoodFanatic
live2tell75 Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Awesome trip report Chuck, I mean Criswell.
coaster05 Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Very nice Chuck I knew you could find another guest host.
MollyG Posted October 26, 2006 Posted October 26, 2006 Criswell, you have such a vision! Can't wait to see more of your insights. MollyG
cfc Posted October 26, 2006 Author Posted October 26, 2006 My friend, This is Criswell, again. You have all seen the evidence of my power, as I have transmitted visions of the future to you over the astral plain from the year 1966! Yes, I have used my power and shown you that it is more than fact! You have seen the first death of Chuck at BGA, and those of you who have read the TR of "the other Eric Johnson" (at http://www.themeparkreview.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=30316&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0) know of Chuck's second death at Wet 'n' Wild, the pornographic water park. But he has not yet learned to respect powers greater than himself. Witness now what will happen (as I am thinking this to you from the past--do not deny it!) to him at Universal Orlando's Halloween Horror Night. It will all start innocently enough . . . None other than Mel's Die-In! Criswell will share more with you later . . . Yes, Chuck will even survive an encounter with the horned one himself! But what will finally do him in? Monsters to be despised! Monsters to be pitied. He will even resist the allure of the vampire women of the Blood Masquerade, even as Rich is pulled into their seductive vortex! . . . and the exploding transformers of Deadtropolis! . . . the hypnotic eyes of Criswell's old friend, Bela Lugosi, . . . . . . the powerful hell-breath of 1,000 demons, which will threaten to topple them all, . . . Yes, he will survive a tour of the Bates Motel (with AAA discount), . . . . . . and the Rat Lady will remind all of their ultimate fate. Yet, Chuck will survive more ominous challenges. Darkness will enfold the little band . . . He will face more denizens of the night--even in broad daylight! He will get more than he bargained for. . . . by invoking the psychic energy of Jack, the Ultimate Evil Clown! . . . and endanger the souls of his friends . . . . . . that he will abuse the power of his RIP pass . . . . . . but they will be denied the new ride at Seuss Landing and forced to revisit an old one. This will so enrage Chuck . . . Yes, the Dragons will duel . . . . . . at first! Yet all will be quiet . . . . . . and once again, Chuck mocks them all with his hammy posing! But already, we see the marshalling of the forces of darkness . . . . . . on a beautiful, if hot day.
live2tell75 Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Chuck, You must of had 9 lives! You died at every park we went to! Wait a miniute, we went to 10 parks, I hope you had 10 lives! You made it home right? Who did I take to the airport? Or was it a Chuck zombie?
cfc Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 ^Eric, based on the head cold that's been plaguing me all week since I returned, you may very well have taken a "Chuck zombie" to the airport!
cfc Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 Yes, my friend, it is I, Criswell, once again. Yes, you have seen the third death of Chuck in October 2006, thanks to my powerful psychic projections from forty years in the past! Yes, sometimes even Criswell cannot believe his own eyes! But there will be more, yet! The higher powers have not yet finished their task. I take you back now to central Florida, to a resort complex of some note . . . Success! He will do the happy dance of the speheres in celebration! He will not toss his baklava after his Mission: Space! There will be more to come! And he will be entranced with the "spinnin' wheel" that "got to go round"! The awesome powers of future technology will fill him with awe. . . . to face a stern test of his equilibrium and digestive system! . . . and greek salad . . . . . . and baklava . . . He must face another supreme test. He will travel to a world of the future . . . So moved will he be by his journey across the astral plain, that he will pledge support to the McDonald's Corp. in their work to ensure that tourists will be able to witness "scary Dinosaurs and dark places." . . . he will be able to bid farewell to this strangely seductive dimension and return to his own place in the universe. But with the help of a miraculous machine invented by an eccentric denizen of this strange wide spot in the astral plane . . . He will awaken in a strange, alternative dimension, when concrete dinosaurs ruled the Earth along southern highways in the United States! Yes, a runaway train will smash into his unsuspecting head! Will this be his fourth death on this trip? . . . some remnant of the old Chuck remains, which will exact a horrible penalty! Yes, all local rituals and customs will be observed. Yet, . . . And expresses sorrow at the fates of those who were not so reverent. He greets a new friend in the Yeti. And he will enjoy a nice cup of tongba with an order of dalbhat. Proper penance will be paid at a local shrine. . . . as will his faithful sherpa guide. He will treat his objective with the awe and reverence it deserves . . . . . . where Chuck will, at last, learn to bond with, not mock, the awesome powers of Nature by growing a tree out of the top of his head!
cfc Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 Again, my friend, we find ourselves at the astral crossroads, where the forces of darkness and light intersect. Yes, even the Magic Kingdom intself will not be immune! Here are visions of a fateful night in October 2006! A ghostly rodent sentinel bids them farewell. But there is still one set of visions yet to come! Yes, all will be well at last. Yes, the power of the Dusky Blue Tongue of Redemption, the perfect merging of light and darkness, will save them all! . . . while Joe is eager with anticipation! At last, it comes! Eric is overcome, . . . At last Goofy, the true Prince of Darkness, wheels by with his hypnotic promise of sweets for all! It was all leading to something--but what? . . . while a drunken Capt. Jack Sparrow wails impotently. Capt. Hook exercises his seductive power . . . Donald the Gladiator signals his approval while awaiting his moment of glory in the arena. Yes, watch in horror and wonder as Snow White, the essence of purity, shoves her bosom into the face of a thin-haired man, while the leacherous Geppetto looks on! . . . the dead will party at Walt Disney World! Yes, it will be much like "Orgy of the Dead" (only without strippers)! For when there is no more room in Hell . . . And the Threshold People, children of the darkness, will cavort for their amusement! Treacherous buccaneers will threaten them. A ghlostly harlot from years long past will tempt them. The pull of darkness will become even stronger. Where the fantasies of at least two of them will at last be fulfilled! They find themselves in Fantasyland. . . . and one intrepid band will find themselves separated from the others! The ones you know as Eric, Cameron, Rich, Melanie, and Joe. Giant monsters will lurk in the night . . . For even Main Street USA will not be immune to the encompassing forces of darkness! Yet the one called Sharktums will be filled with foreboding. . . . as will the other Eric Johnson. Chuck will prepare himself for an eventful night at one of the "Happiest Places on Earth," . . .
dandaman Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 LMAO! ...And my pic from last August. I think he shifted head/tail position and that's about it. Your pic from your recent trip...
cfc Posted October 29, 2006 Author Posted October 29, 2006 It is time to finish our astral journey, by friend! These will be the last visions of the future that Criswell will beam to you from the mythical year 1966. Can you say that Chuck is not changed forever? Can you say you are not? Witness a place where land meets sea . . . . . . as will their mighty friend, the Kraken. But the forces of darkness are not finished yet! . . . a friendly beluga whale will bid them farewell . . . And even though they will be deined the "Shamu" credit, they will not be disheartened, as . . . . . . while mighty sharks afford them safe passage. Eric, too, will show the proper respect . . . . . . and all other denizens of the deep. Yes, he will bond with Kraken . . . . . . and its giant, glowing orbs! (How many of you thought Criswell was going to say "balls"?) . . . and be properly reverent in the face of its awesome power . . . He will marvel at how well the Kraken maintains its potted shrubs . . . . . . and share their deepest secrets with him. Yes! The gods of the deep will anoint his head with the holy sea water . . . Will he be a worthy partner in the underwater dance of the merpeople of Atlantis? Chuck and Eric will commune with the denizens of the deep. But will the former have learned the proper respect for forces greater than himself?
cfc Posted October 29, 2006 Author Posted October 29, 2006 We have reached our last stop, my friend! We end where we began . . . No more visions of the future will I send to you! Can you prove they didn't happen? I am Criswell. Yes, witness the name of this "innocent" furniture store! But Crisewell dares not plumb its darkness today. But Elissa and the Mighty Lightsaber of Justice will prove too much for them! Or will it? At the last, the forces of darkness will send in their most tempting seductress! One will even join them. Those they would dare to call freaks will drag them across their threshold, forcing the travelers to acknowledge their existence. They will undergo the taunting of the damned. . . . and repulse them. Barbaric entertainments will both tempt . . . They will pass through a portal to a disturbing dimension, where all will be DEVO. Evil entities will harrass them. For to truly understand the darkness, one must crawl through its very guts! But they will endure many challenges, such as becoming part of an accursed house. The mighty Sheikra will once again take them upon his back--this time, on the wings of night! There, Chuck and Eric will be reunited with their fellows on this autumn odysessy. . . . at Busch Gardens Africa, where the forces of dakness hold sway!
MollyG Posted October 29, 2006 Posted October 29, 2006 Oh mighty Criswell, your power of prediction is only preceded by your prowess as a photographer. Phew! Enjoyable! Hope you are feeling better. MollyG
Meteornotes Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Criswell rules. As does this PTR! Nice job... dt
Erik Johnson Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Hey I wanted to say that I really enjoyed this Photo TR. And yes I am an Ed Wood fan so I enjoyed the "extra" Criswell commentary.
Guy T. Koepp Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Awesome, awesome, awesome, trip report! One of the best I have ever seen. You have captured the essence of Criswell in one fell swoop. I too am a huge fan and am loving your homage to the likes of he who foresees the future. Awesome, awesome, awesome! It was a pleasure to meet you there in Florida. Hope you are feeling better now that you have had a weeks worth of rest.
USRoadTripper Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Wonderful trip report! This was such a fun read! -Julie
USRoadTripper Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Wonderful trip report! This was such a fun read! -Julie
cfc Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 Gee, thanks, guys! It was great meeting some other TPRites and reuniting with some of my UK trip buddies. Criswell probably predicted that this would happen, too. Ohana's turkey chunks rule!
Guy T. Koepp Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Ohana's turkey chunks rule! My high opinion of you has just been demoted. Ohana's blows chow!
cfc Posted October 30, 2006 Author Posted October 30, 2006 ^Don't force me to sic Tor Johnson on you!
mcjaco Posted October 30, 2006 Posted October 30, 2006 Major bonus points for cfc!!! Mmmm, baklava at Epcot....
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