cfc

It is time to finish our astral journey, by friend! These will be the last visions of the future that Criswell will beam to you from the mythical year 1966. Can you say that Chuck is not changed forever? Can you say you are not? Witness a place where land meets sea . . . . . . as will their mighty friend, the Kraken. But the forces of darkness are not finished yet! . . . a friendly beluga whale will bid them farewell . . . And even though they will be deined the "Shamu" credit, they will not be disheartened, as . . . . . . while mighty sharks afford them safe passage. Eric, too, will show the proper respect . . . . . . and all other denizens of the deep. Yes, he will bond with Kraken . . . . . . and its giant, glowing orbs! (How many of you thought Criswell was going to say "balls"?) . . . and be properly reverent in the face of its awesome power . . . He will marvel at how well the Kraken maintains its potted shrubs . . . . . . and share their deepest secrets with him. Yes! The gods of the deep will anoint his head with the holy sea water . . . Will he be a worthy partner in the underwater dance of the merpeople of Atlantis? Chuck and Eric will commune with the denizens of the deep. But will the former have learned the proper respect for forces greater than himself?

I am sure it will be a mad house this weekend. the weather forecast is fantastic for today and tomorrow. and NOBODY was there on Fri. Germany lot was only about 3/4 full and that was it and since it started pouring rain as I was leaving about 3:30, I think alot of those people will be there this weekend too. Sunday will probably be 2 hour lines with 2 trains I had walk ons with 2 trains yesterday JEFF We shall see--Sundays are usually fairly slow, but the lousy weather on Friday might've made other people hold off. I was with a friend at PKD (she wanted to check out Fearfest) yesterday, and the joint was jumpin'.

Again, my friend, we find ourselves at the astral crossroads, where the forces of darkness and light intersect. Yes, even the Magic Kingdom intself will not be immune! Here are visions of a fateful night in October 2006! A ghostly rodent sentinel bids them farewell. But there is still one set of visions yet to come! Yes, all will be well at last. Yes, the power of the Dusky Blue Tongue of Redemption, the perfect merging of light and darkness, will save them all! . . . while Joe is eager with anticipation! At last, it comes! Eric is overcome, . . . At last Goofy, the true Prince of Darkness, wheels by with his hypnotic promise of sweets for all! It was all leading to something--but what? . . . while a drunken Capt. Jack Sparrow wails impotently. Capt. Hook exercises his seductive power . . . Donald the Gladiator signals his approval while awaiting his moment of glory in the arena. Yes, watch in horror and wonder as Snow White, the essence of purity, shoves her bosom into the face of a thin-haired man, while the leacherous Geppetto looks on! . . . the dead will party at Walt Disney World! Yes, it will be much like "Orgy of the Dead" (only without strippers)! For when there is no more room in Hell . . . And the Threshold People, children of the darkness, will cavort for their amusement! Treacherous buccaneers will threaten them. A ghlostly harlot from years long past will tempt them. The pull of darkness will become even stronger. Where the fantasies of at least two of them will at last be fulfilled! They find themselves in Fantasyland. . . . and one intrepid band will find themselves separated from the others! The ones you know as Eric, Cameron, Rich, Melanie, and Joe. Giant monsters will lurk in the night . . . For even Main Street USA will not be immune to the encompassing forces of darkness! Yet the one called Sharktums will be filled with foreboding. . . . as will the other Eric Johnson. Chuck will prepare himself for an eventful night at one of the "Happiest Places on Earth," . . .

Nice work as usual, Jeff. I'll be there on closing day (tomorrow) for sure.

^There were a few drunken wingnuts sitting in the rear of my car on Mummy that night, Elissa, but they weren't too bad once the ride got going. One of the funniest sights was the cast member holding the flashlight on a puddle of puke after the lagoon show. (I appreciated his alerting all passers by.)

Boy, when they say you're rentin' a cabin in them parts, they ain't kiddin'! Ya done good, Molly--right nice "sad-and-pathetic" TR of a right-nice-lookin' park. Never been to the Ozarks, myself. I rode my first Disk-O at Flamingoland in the UK. It was fun for the first minute or two, but if it had been much longer, they would've been mopping up my mess. Your solo ride photo on Wildfire was priceless. Chuck

I, too, vote for Florida. Even though I do prefer Disneyland the park to Florida's Magic Kingdom, WDW is a much better resort than DL. And ya gotta love Sheikra at BGA. The weather should be nicer in Florida, too.

Yes, my friend, it is I, Criswell, once again. Yes, you have seen the third death of Chuck in October 2006, thanks to my powerful psychic projections from forty years in the past! Yes, sometimes even Criswell cannot believe his own eyes! But there will be more, yet! The higher powers have not yet finished their task. I take you back now to central Florida, to a resort complex of some note . . . Success! He will do the happy dance of the speheres in celebration! He will not toss his baklava after his Mission: Space! There will be more to come! And he will be entranced with the "spinnin' wheel" that "got to go round"! The awesome powers of future technology will fill him with awe. . . . to face a stern test of his equilibrium and digestive system! . . . and greek salad . . . . . . and baklava . . . He must face another supreme test. He will travel to a world of the future . . . So moved will he be by his journey across the astral plain, that he will pledge support to the McDonald's Corp. in their work to ensure that tourists will be able to witness "scary Dinosaurs and dark places." . . . he will be able to bid farewell to this strangely seductive dimension and return to his own place in the universe. But with the help of a miraculous machine invented by an eccentric denizen of this strange wide spot in the astral plane . . . He will awaken in a strange, alternative dimension, when concrete dinosaurs ruled the Earth along southern highways in the United States! Yes, a runaway train will smash into his unsuspecting head! Will this be his fourth death on this trip? . . . some remnant of the old Chuck remains, which will exact a horrible penalty! Yes, all local rituals and customs will be observed. Yet, . . . And expresses sorrow at the fates of those who were not so reverent. He greets a new friend in the Yeti. And he will enjoy a nice cup of tongba with an order of dalbhat. Proper penance will be paid at a local shrine. . . . as will his faithful sherpa guide. He will treat his objective with the awe and reverence it deserves . . . . . . where Chuck will, at last, learn to bond with, not mock, the awesome powers of Nature by growing a tree out of the top of his head!

^Eric, based on the head cold that's been plaguing me all week since I returned, you may very well have taken a "Chuck zombie" to the airport!

Yes, folks, Ryan King now comes in these delicious flavors: chocolate, vanilla, Beverly, mango-kumquat-kiwi-sorbet, and chicken-curry baked potato!

My friend, This is Criswell, again. You have all seen the evidence of my power, as I have transmitted visions of the future to you over the astral plain from the year 1966! Yes, I have used my power and shown you that it is more than fact! You have seen the first death of Chuck at BGA, and those of you who have read the TR of "the other Eric Johnson" (at http://www.themeparkreview.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=30316&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0) know of Chuck's second death at Wet 'n' Wild, the pornographic water park. But he has not yet learned to respect powers greater than himself. Witness now what will happen (as I am thinking this to you from the past--do not deny it!) to him at Universal Orlando's Halloween Horror Night. It will all start innocently enough . . . None other than Mel's Die-In! Criswell will share more with you later . . . Yes, Chuck will even survive an encounter with the horned one himself! But what will finally do him in? Monsters to be despised! Monsters to be pitied. He will even resist the allure of the vampire women of the Blood Masquerade, even as Rich is pulled into their seductive vortex! . . . and the exploding transformers of Deadtropolis! . . . the hypnotic eyes of Criswell's old friend, Bela Lugosi, . . . . . . the powerful hell-breath of 1,000 demons, which will threaten to topple them all, . . . Yes, he will survive a tour of the Bates Motel (with AAA discount), . . . . . . and the Rat Lady will remind all of their ultimate fate. Yet, Chuck will survive more ominous challenges. Darkness will enfold the little band . . . He will face more denizens of the night--even in broad daylight! He will get more than he bargained for. . . . by invoking the psychic energy of Jack, the Ultimate Evil Clown! . . . and endanger the souls of his friends . . . . . . that he will abuse the power of his RIP pass . . . . . . but they will be denied the new ride at Seuss Landing and forced to revisit an old one. This will so enrage Chuck . . . Yes, the Dragons will duel . . . . . . at first! Yet all will be quiet . . . . . . and once again, Chuck mocks them all with his hammy posing! But already, we see the marshalling of the forces of darkness . . . . . . on a beautiful, if hot day.

Yes, Chuck will pay dearly for his transgressions against nature and the elder gods at BGA! I, Criswell, will share all with you! I am Criswell! There is more to come! God help us in the future! And, thus, Chuck will die the first of many deaths on his Florida Halloween tour. Only to be resurrected mysteriously for some sort of cosmic joke! . . . for there is no rescue to be had! The raging waters will toy with them . . . . . . but not the mocking vengeance of the crocodile! . . . be spared the wrath of the rhino, . . . He and Eric will brave the Rhino Rally . . . Even Chuck will be conscious of the bad omen of a crocodile crushed beneath the weight of a truck! He will attempt to cleanse himself with the purity of water on the Congo River Rapids! Yet it will not be enough!

Greetings, my friend, I am Criswell. You may remember from such classic motion pictures as Plan 9 from Outer Space, where I shared with you "the shocking facts about graverobbers from outer space"; Night of the Ghouls, where I related a macabre tale of "the Threshold People" ("monsters to be pitied, monsters to be despised!"); or Orgy of the Dead, where I got drunk and sat around watching strippers in a graveyard (yes, even Criswell needs his special entertainment). Or perhaps you are familiar with my work as a famous Hollywood psychic, when I predicted that by April 1970 millions of people would be living in colonies on Mars! (Oh, I really nailed that one.) Yes, I have been dead for some time, but in the mythical year of 1966 I am using my mastery of psychic energy to transmit to you visions of the future. You are interested in the mysterious, the unexplainable. That is why you are here. Can your heart stand the shocking facts about Chuck's Florida Halloween Adventure? Yes, in 1966 the one you know as "Chuck," "cfc," or that "sad-and-pathetic guy" is but a mere six years old, little knowing the horror that awaits him in October 2006! But now I, Criswell, will share it all with you, based on the shocking testimony of those who survived this terrifying ordeal. Let us reward the guilty, and punish the innocent. (Or perhaps the other way around.) Remember--future events such as these will affect you in the future! Let the visions begin! Imagine a steaming hot day in Tampa, Florida . . . . . . and abusing an innocent skeleton! Can he possibly make things worse on himself? You will see. But he will screw that all up by striking a goofy pose in front of Gwazi . . . Perhaps Chuck is, at last, redeemed. Dive, mighty bird of prey! Even I, Criswell, am deeply moved! And take many pictures. He will ride it again and again. Yes, he will treat this bird of prey with the respect it deserves. But even Chuck will be in awe of the mighty Sheikra! The force of Python will punish them further. But will survive even its Helix of Death! They will be forced to endure the wrath of the Scorpion! . . . yet will still bear nature's wrath for Chuck's transgressions! Eric will show the mummy the proper respect . . . . . . only to desecrate a pharoah's tomb! He feigns atonement by kneeling to a Sacred Cow . . . Yet he survives! But there will be more desecration! Chuck mocks the power of Kumba itself! You see--all is as I have foreseen! Do not doubt the powers of Criswell! In 1966! But they do manage to befriend a lonely hippo. A hyena mocks both Chuck and his friend the "other Eric Johnson" by presenting himself in a most depraved manner. But something is afoot. Chuck will mock the powers of nature! And not for the first time! Yes, we are at Busch Gardens Africa! The force of Montu is all powerful and consuming!

OK, I think the Super 6 should reunite for Griffon at the BGE next spring! And Big Mike should join us to make it a Super 7! I miss all you guys, too. Your MNOSHP parade pics are much better than mine, Eric--good stuff.

Getting around Animal Kingdom is my one major complaint about the place--having the bridge between Everest and Dinoland helps a bit. It is a beautiful place, though, and Expedition: Everest was a blast.

Good stuff, Erik--it was a pleasure meeting you and Leanne last week. As for my cat, I left him at home in the care of a friend. I distract him with a can of Fancy Feast so that I can sneak out the door--once he starts wolfing down that glop, he's oblivious to everything else. That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.

Hi, guys, I just want to chime in with my thanks for a truly excellent Halloween adventure! We of "Road Rules Orlando" (that is, myself and the "other Eric Johnson") had a great time reuniting with some of our fellow UK trip alums and meeting some new folks. In fact, I had such a good time, I had to spend most of Monday in bed recuperating (also brought back an awesome head cold). Might just have to make this a regular October thing (not the head cold, but the trip). If any of you find yourselves in the vicinity of TPR's "Mid-Atlantic Division," be sure to give me a shout--I expect quite of few will want to check out BGE's Griffon next spring. I'll post a TPR sometime this week, but Eric is already doing an excellent job. Chuck

Glad you had a good time at my home park. Jack's Nightmare Express is better after dark, but it's just an OK Halloween attraction. the old Transylvania Express was better, especially the werewolf pit, which was near where the evil clowns are now. It was wonderfully basic--just fog, red light, growling and howling sound effects, and random body parts being tossed up in the air (quite hilarious).

And Eric strikes first!

Attention, skin wearers! Pay heed to the Lost Skeleton! Yes, I have more scenes of Fearfest to share with you. My amazing mental powers are even now forcing my zombie slave to post them. Prepare yourselves! . . . don't forget to stop in the giftshop on your way out--and to obey the Lost Skeleton! As your flesh broils in the fountains of firey lava . . . As my boney brothers burn in hellfire, so shall you all! Yes, your bones will be part of my empire soon enough, organ donor! I used my superior mental powers to influence his puny brain to wait 90 minutes for the Headless Hollow maze! Is there no end to your abominations? My zombie slave will pay for this! Damn your blood-pumping hides! How dare you crucify my brethern! Ah, this is what the Lost Skeleton likes! Hot bone-on-bone action! For a time, the Lost Skeleton was convinced that he could live in peace with you organ bags. Yes, skin wearers--lament your fate when my boney brothers and I come to dominate this world! This unworthy one cut in line for the flyers. Now he will be forced to watch others snap them for all eternity! Yes, after dark this rather relaxing antique-car ride is overrun with hillbilly cannibals! Yes, eat the flesh, but leave the bones to the Lost Skeleton! Hmm--as "fleshly" as the one called Elvira is, the Lost Skeleton believes that only 3D could've done her justice!

Greetings, organ donors, This is the legendary Lost Skeleton, thinking to you from the depths of Cadavra Cave! Yes, you may know me from that classic motion picture The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra! If so, then you no doubt understand that we skeletons possess mental powers far beyond the capabilities of you skin-wearing troglydytes. You are right to fear us. To prove to you my superiority, I took over the mind of the one called cfc (or "Chuck") and forced him to endure the agony of Fearfest at Kings Dominion. Yes, he put up a valiant struggle, but at last he learned to Obey the Lost Skeleton! So, here now are my impressions of Fearfest, mingled with those of this weak-minded organ-and-fluid bag. Four mazes did he endure at Fearfest, and on a scale of 1 (the Lost Skeleton is greatly displeased) to 10 (the Lost Skeleton is amused) did he rate them: Maze of Madness--Lunatics, mad doctors, and crazed killers abound here, and that's just the usual crowd at PKD! Yet these inmates require only minimum security, so they're housed in a tent (must be budget cuts). Lots of screaming teenagers, but the Lost Skeleton was not so easily frightened. Call it a 6. Freak Show 3D--don't let this building's outward appearance, that of a Magic Mountain arcade of the 1970s, deceive you, for it is filled with day-glow 3D paintings of freaks, and scareactors who are painted up as though they were going to appear in the credits of a James Bond flick from the Roger Moore era. A few good scares here (the scareactors do work pretty hard). The thrash-metal music is an improvement over the cartoony music of last year. Call it a 6.5. Blood Shed--Crazed cannibal hillbillies are on the loose, and they've got a hankerin' for big slice of . . . you! This is the best maze at Fearfest, with plenty of props and atmosphere, including a farting horse. Give this one a 7. Headless Hollow--Yeah, yeah, the Headless Horseman is out to get you, I guess. Pretty weak story here, and the wait for this one was a ridiculous hour and a half! Still, it's a long walk through the woods, with quite a few scareactors, but not that many scares (you can see'em coming too easily). A 6.5, I think. There's also the redressing of the antique-car ride as the Blue Ridge Bloodbath. What? Cannabalistic hillbilles again? Yep--the Cutler family is out to get you! This is the best attraction at Fearfest, and it has the line to prove it--you'll be waiting a good, solid hour, at least. but it does rate a 7. (Maybe an 8, if you aren't forced to tailgate a carload of idiots who seem incapable of pressing a gas pedal.) Enough! The Lost Skeleton is bored of your rambling! Time to get to pictures, but I most warn you, fluid secreters: Be prepared for shocking scenes of skeletal abuse! Yes! Burn the fleshy oppressors! The Blood Shed wins the Lost Skeleton's special Award for Most Terrifying Use of Old Trash Bags! But are you sure that's funnel cake you're eating, you sorry bowel user? It's terror in a tent at the Maze of Madness! Climb, my boney brother! You have nothing to lost but your chains! "All hail the Lost Skeleton!" . . . to hurl them into the Dodgem sign! All clowns now fear the Lost Skeleton! What! A clown ghoul abusing a skeleton! The Lost Skeleton is outraged! so, I have used my superior mental powers . . . But it appears that the vampire in this crypt could use a nicotine patch. The Grim Reaper says, "Puff away!" Hmm--it seems that the ones known as Jeff and Louise are nearby. Obviously, the proper use of the apostrophe is beyond a witch's power. The Pumpkin Bride seems displeased with her groom. Perhaps she would be happier as the Mistress of the Lost Skeleton! Yes, the cobwebs and pumpkins draw you organ bags to Fearfest. Behold one who learned all too late that he must Obey the Lost Skeleton! He is now my mindless zombie slave! Yes, soon all will be under my control! My boney brethern will rule the world!

Dan makes a big mistake when he says, "Give daddy some sugar, baby!"

Hey, Robb stole my Hulk joke for his HHN update!

And here I am in Virginia, stuck here with BGE's nice Howl-o-Scream and PKD's ghetto Fearfest (sad-and-pathetic TR to come). See you in Florida on Thursday!

Exce-l-l-l-ent! I'm planning to head over the BGE tonight with some of the neighbors--will try to get a peek (and pic) of the site,