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My Mom would so be in to this tour--and my Dad would be frightened. The Sally Corp. tour would be fun.

Perhaps that's part of the service--giving passengers a bigger thrill by banning sex in the planes (the whole "forbidden fruit" concept). Much more fun if you're breakin' the rules!

And now, the last park in Japan (well, on the tour, anyway). . . . a refreshing can of Texas Select beer? (Thanks to Joey and Dan for giving me a can of this distinctive beverage.) A fun place in one awesome country. Japan was even better than I'd hoped. So what could be better than topping it off with . . . Yokohama towers over Cosmoworld. I bet you're all salivating for corn dogs and fried Oreos about now. Looks like they've put up their Valentine's Day tree a bit early this year (or they're just late taking it down). Look--it's the Eternal Prince of Darkness rendered in yarn! Isn't that adorable? Yes, that's saved for the plunge into the pond. Sorry, Ferris wheel--no "Big O" action for you. Waiting for Vanish is, truly, a hairy experience. But my lousy score relegates me to the role of "goofy sidekick." As you can tell from this moody shot, Bob is ready chew bubblegum and kick ass on Cosmoworld's shooting dark ride. He is Fresno's action hero! Vanish? Still there, as near as I can tell. . . . Wonder Amuse Zone! But the sounds of so much heavy making out coming from above draw us to . . . You see it's got monkeys and bananas and palm trees; all it lacks is Gilligan. . . . Banana Coaster! This is the permenent "street carnival" section of the park, where you'll find . . . And, sniff, here's the entrance to Cosmoworld. . . . and past this sculpted tribute to Joker's Jinx. . . . past this ultra moderne version of London's Tower Bridge, . . . It's a bit of a walk from the train station to the park, past this proud sailing vessel, . . .

Chapter 15: Déjà Vu by Daylight, Seashells by the Seashore, and Blinded by the Lights: La Qua, Sea Paradise, and Yokohama Cosmoworld Well, I wasn’t going to South Korea, so this was the last day of the tour for me—but what a ride it was (literally "trains, planes, and automobiles"). My thanks to Robb and Elissa for always going that extra mile—and often a mile or two beyond that—to make sure that all of us had the best time possible. We hit La Qua again that morning, just to make sure that everybody had a chance to see the place by daylight and snag all the credits possible there (Linear Gale went down, unfortunately—that’s life). My plan was to check out The 13 Doors, a haunted walk through that I’d missed the first night, but it opened late in the morning and had such a long, slow-moving line that I had to pass on it. Oh, well—a few more rides on Thunder Dolphin wouldn’t hurt, and I just had to check out the weirdness of Geo Panic and Zombie Paradise again (Robb rode Zombie for the first time ever that day and was as puzzled by it as he was by Panic). Next up was Sea Paradise, which seems to be Japan’s answer to 1970s era Sea World. It’s actually quite a nice place, with a real “park-like” atmosphere and a laid-back vibe—not to mention one credit. Surf Coaster is a non-looping Togo that doesn’t hurt; in fact, it’s actually fun, and I love how its layout extended over the water. There was but one funky little transition to remind you that it was, indeed, a Togo. However, the Blue Fall Intamin drop tower was the best ride there. This is the one with the “false” drop that stops after about ten feet before sending you on your way, but I think the “full” drop side is more fun (fast and thrilling). There’s a nice scenic elevator, too. All in all, a good place to relax for a few hours and enjoy an ice-cream crepe. Cosmoworld offered a nice, more-hectic contrast—especially after dark. Like Pal Pal, this is another massive arcade with a “pay-per-ride” amusement park tacked on. It’s a popular “date” spot, as was clearly shown by the enormous line for the park’s requisite enormous Ferris wheel (these rides are popular “make-out” spots in Japan, where public displays of affection are discouraged). There are three coasters, too: Diving Coaster Vanish—This is a decent ride, but I doubt I’d wait nearly an hour for it again. The sad thing is that this wait could’ve been halved if the park had better operations. They ran one train, but that wasn’t the worst of it. The train returns; the operators wait until all the riders grab their belongings from lockers and exit; open the air gates; let just enough people in the station to fill the train (who also have to put all their stuff in lockers), and from whom they have to take tickets; then dispatch the train without bothering to let more riders into the station and checking their tickets (one wonders why they bother with the air gates at all). It would help a lot if Cosmoworld would fill the station and check the tickets while the train cycles, but perhaps there’s a reason for the extra caution that I don’t understand. Family Banana Coaster—This is an OK kiddie coaster in the park’s front “carnival” section. It’s tricked up with plastic palm trees and Christmas lights. Spinning Coaster—This was, unfortunately, not operating that night, but it looked like a pretty standard spinning mouse. (I’m sure Elissa was bitterly disappointed.) There were a couple of dark rides in the arcade—a shooter, which I rode, and a haunted house, which I didn’t (wished I had—oh, well). As for the arcade, I did take on Falafel Girl in a rousing armadillo race, which I won. I think. It was kind of hard to tell. It was good way to finish up the Japan tour. Once again, I can’t thank Robb and Elissa enough for TPR’s “adventure” tour of Japan—one of the best vacations ever. Thanks for wading through all this, folks. EDIT: "thank . . . enough." Fixed. D'oh! Next stop, Cosomoworld. More pics to come. The glass is a bit dirty, but you can see how Surf Coaster literally just hangs over the surf. and, yes, you can see the helices that seem to be required on all Togo coasters by Japanese law. Here are some pictures from "Miles's Skull Observation Tower." Now they're gettin' down. Whe-e-e. . . oof! I wonder how happy he is now? Chris looks pretty happy while waiting for Blue Fall. But here's the park's star attraction. Much less painful than having an observation tower grow out of your skull. But it's good--really. The Windjammer-like trains do nothing to ease your misgivings. Here's Surf Coaster, which make you think, at first, "Uh oh! Togo!" Next stop, Sea Paradise: The blue tower is Blue Fall; the observation tower is growing out of Miles's head. As for me, this was the "Big D'Oh!" The now spent train returns. . . . as is the "Little O." But the "Big O" is still very satisfied . . . Thunder Dolphin doesn't have any more airtime at day than it does at night. First up, La Qua: The Tokyo Giants were playing that afternoon, so their fans were staking out their places in line with plastic mats, tape, newspapers, etc.

^^You do get more of a whiff of the BBQ from Sheikra (wind has to be right for Griffon). Maybe we need a "Which coaster smells most like BBQ?" poll.

It looks like the Predator is saying, "I got yer Alien right here, pal!"

Hmm--then perhaps there is something to be said for long waits (more time to recover between rides).

Still waiting? Then welcome back to Fuji-Q! . . . Mt. Fuji. Thanks for hanging in there--one chapter to go. And now, I'll leave you with the two best things about Fuji-Q: Fujiyama and . . . Yes, we are all complete persons now! Why is this man smiling? I think this is credit number 800, or something. All must obey THE SACRED HAMSTER OF VENGEANCE! Sad, but true. At long last! Our dreams will be fulfilled! Apparently, you have to jump over some other fence if you're looking for "danger." Do you see that line of people in the lower left? Yes, they're waiting the ride the Mad Mouse. They'll be waiting a good 30 to 45 minutes. Don't ask me why. Happy, smiling people everwhere . . . Yeah, right. I wonder how many kids have chipped their teeth on these guns? Oh, Yashimi! Don't let those robots defeat me! . . . the Eejanaika Zone! At least I had good company. Yes, you've crossed over into . . . A dimension of ouch! A dimension of suck. A dimension of pain. There is a 4th dimension, beyond that which is known to man.

Chapter 14: And the Theme Is . . . Wait for It—Fuji-Q (Kue?) On one hand, Fuji-Q has a beautiful view of Mount Fuji—when the weather’s clear. On the other hand, you’ll have plenty of time to enjoy it while you’re waiting in line to ride something—when the weather’s clear. The last time I waited three hours to ride an attraction was Curse of DarKastle at BGE—and that was on the ride’s opening day. At Fuji-Q, one-hour-plus waits seem to be the norm, not the exception. How bad was it? Between 9:00 am and 4:00 pm, the little group I was with managed to snag four credits. I’m convinced that this park’s “theme” is waiting; in other words, Fuji-“Queue.” Robb and Elissa warned us about Fuji-Q’s notoriously slow operations and policy of shutting down all coasters in even the slightest rain. So they went to a lot of trouble to ensure that we could hit the park on the most optimal day, at least when it came to rain, so that everyone could get in all the credits if they wanted to. My hat’s off to them for going to this much trouble. That being said, not everything about Fuji-Q was bad—just uninspiring. It truly is the Magic Mountain of Japan. As for the coasters: Fujiyama—This is, actually, a pretty good hyper coaster; if you like Steel Force and Steel Dragon, you’ll probably like Fujiyama. There’s a fair amount of air, and I rather like the twisty bit at the far end. Plus, we only had to wait about an hour. Dodonpa—This is Hypersonic’s bigger cousin with a fairly intense launch and good air over the high hat. I actually kind of liked it, but would I wait more than 20 minutes for it again? Nah. Besides, the constant “do-don-pa” drumbeat playing in the queue is enough to madden Mother Teresa and turn her into a serial killer (it’s worse that “It’s a Small World After All”). Zola 7—OK, this might be the weirdest coaster of the trip (next to maybe Geo Panic). It’s actually an indoor shooting-dark-ride coaster. Kind of rough, but unique. The shooting portion is a real challenge: 14 is considered a pretty good score (I managed 1). This ride was practically a walk-on, by the way. Zuwa Zuwa—This is the “Hamster” suspended coaster. Cute, kind of fun, but definitely not worth 45 minutes in line. Mad Mouse—A fairly standard model, except for a really funky “club-shaped” turn on the top level. And not worth 30 to 45 minutes in line. Eejanaika—This is Fuji-Q’s “X” (or “4th-dimension” coaster). I know a number of people who liked it a lot, which is fine. But to me, frankly, the park could’ve saved itself a lot of money by simply rolling guests down a hill in a garbage can. There was a kiddie coaster (Rock ‘n’ Roll Duncan) that I skipped. If I ever go back to Fuji-Q, I’ll definitely check out their Haunted Hospital walk through; unfortunately, a two-hour wait to take a 45-minute walk wasn’t very appealing that day. Mt. Fuji is, indeed, an awe-inspiring sight. I just wish the park could live up to it. Next up—The end . . . suckit! It gets a bit painful on the other side of this drop. More to come. Get ready to Hyper . . . Yes, the scrunched-up-face train is much cooler. Oh, god, please don't let me get Dodonpa's polka-dot train. As for me, I'll scarf down some of these garlic chips, thus making my breath deadly to all insectoids! That's it, Bill! Start waving to keep those horny bugs away! Hmm--I can see why the grasshoppers are attracted to these insect-like trains. Just beware of horny 'hoppers! Well, royalty or not, Fujiyama is pretty good. The "king," eh? Well, Louise would like to introduce you to a little ride they like to call "Nemesis" in the UK. It looks like they reserve the front car of each train for giant-grasshopper-mating season on Fujiyama. . . . or play a rousing game of Tic Tac D'oh! . . . take a picture of an enormous camera, . . . So, besides waiting in line, what else can you do at Fuji-Q? Perhaps enjoy a nice taco, . . You gotta wait in line,/And Barry's way behind,/At Fuji-Q! You gotta wait in line,/Such a long, long time! Oh, Fuji-Q!/Oh, Fuji-Q!/Oh, Fuji-Q,/Ijust don't get you,/Fuji-Q!

Yes, Beverly--a refreshing beverage and a highly astringent aftershave.

I hadn't thought about it until you brought it up, Scott. God, I already miss the baby back ribs at the Three Rivers Smokehouse in Fort New France.

^Yep. Interesting--both rides are near their parks' respective smokehouses.

^Everyone should e-mail Jahan a penguin pic.

The Salem Witch Museum is cool. So they still have that multi-media, surround-sound show with what appear to be giant apple-head dolls?

I liked Star flyer, too--actually kind of relaxing (until you realize how small those chains are). It was a great time in Florida last week--and you managed to capture my enormous bald spot in numerous pictures.

The Singin' in the Rain umbrella has never worked for me.

Griffon really dominates Euroburg's skyline now, and, like Apollo's Chariot, the best seats are in the back (the front on Apollo after dark is pretty cool). I agree with you about Montu, as well--a better coaster than Alpengeist (which is still pretty good). KD on a slow day is fun--but when it gets a bit crowded . . .

My only experience with 4th-dimension is Ejan, er, egani, er, that one at Fuji-Q, and, frankly, this doesn't excite me all that much--I'm just not crazy about this type of ride. The whole tumbling around thing doesn't appeal to me. But to each his or her own.

I like Sheikra's setting a bit more than Griffon's--but the latter gives you more airtime (particularly in the back row). So that, plus home-park advantage , gives a slight edge to Griffon.

My understanding was that the magic day was the first Sunday in November this year. But maybe it's different for different regions?

^Louise, please do--I love how you express yourself, and you take interesting people pictures. Besides, you look so cute in your furry ears.

Richmond Road in Williamsburg, Va., can be really hit or miss, but the hotels on it are within easy walking distance of a lot of chain and fastfood restaurants. The Holiday Inn Express (which gets largely good reviews on Trip Advisor) is currently inbetween two construction zones. Stay away from the Family Inn just outside of the 'Burg on Airport Road, unless you're really into trains--it's right next to the tracks (but it is pretty cheap).

^Np problem--I never realized that about DL's "flaming" cabin. I miss the big gas flames, myself, Yes, the awesomeness of Fuji-Queue will be next. Thanks for the nice comments, everybody.

^Hmm--I'm getting a strong sense of deja vu from this comment.

More park hopping--plus a look at "Braviseamo," TDS's big lagoon show, which was interesting to watch (but I just don't get it). Next up--Oh, Fuji-Queue . . . What an awesome day--even Mt. Fuji made a appearance. Or was it an ominous sign of things to come? Next stop--Fuji-Queue. "Whew! I'm spent! Show over--be sure to buy a t shirt on your way out." "Come to Papa, baby!" Somehow, you know these two crazy kids just have to get together. Trouble in the form of a big. scary, Erector Set dragon! Uh oh! Trouble coming! OK, the Big Show--first, this peaceul blue water spirit, which looks a lot like a barge with water cannons and lights, cruises around. And out come the strange children of the night! Aquatopia is at its coolest (and, fortunately, driest). Lightning strikes at the Tower of Terror. Sunset--almost time for Braviseamo. God, it took me three days to get this photo--those cars really haul over that hill. . . . DisneySea. Well, that was a bit of fun--now back to . . . Lou wins! She gets to ride the wild stallion! . . . or Chris? OK, who looks better in these furry ears? Lou . . . Aghh! Angus McNasty has followed me to Tokyo! . . . and was protected by demonic pumpkin knights--from Hell! The castle was decorated from top to bottom . . .